Joe Rogan Experience #1580 — Andrew Schulz Transcript

Transcript

0:00 the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day watch it you are yes i did let's go you are my favorite example of someone who took this pandemic started reposting them so oh my pleasure i love when people just get after it i love that you do Yeah. And then. camera stuff and it was like um kind of like long form almost like talking to people but it wasn't

3:19 He's so snarky. Like we'll describe how people feel in a funny way. So it's like, but if you can thread the needle, or we call like slice it thin, that's what we say on the show, he's got but we watched that and we like, oh we could do this way better And the people that do it, they never get ostracized. It exaggerated everybody's fears. your time is almost up and like that's what we were trying to do man like in that piece we were

6:32 And we started to kind of like go back. It's dumb, right? Yeah, it's just dumb. It's a dumb way to describe life life and the people that agree with it that's that's a real problem is that It's real sad, man. go. that's the man of their dreams a guy who's not gonna sexually harass them who also happens to they'll dominate you oh my goodness strong women i don't understand i don't know how we put it into like quotes but like strong women

9:44 Yeah. if you're hot for the same reason or funny like smoking hot? I mean, I'm sure when you were younger and you were a single days, you know, you were I mean, the same thing. somewhere along those lines you know they tend to have what he called dykey humor yeah yeah maybe he just found mad at me i like the guy yeah you can, you can like him. I like him.

12:39 Do you never like, have him like, not hit the weed or We'll smoke weed together. You know what I mean? They vary. Oh, she has like. Look at this chick. I like that, though. I like just to be relaxed. Yes, we're out the game. But that, to me, the proposal was the I do. Yeah. I think we're going to see what happens to New York in the next year. yeah a long time it's gonna take a long time for that to even out yeah i wonder man do you think

16:19 Would France bail out Paris? dude is amazing but to get New York City out of you would have to go back in time you would have Whether it's a bodega or whether it's a restaurant or whether it's a bar. Yeah, but they don't have any money. It hasn't We We won't go outside the house we're quarantined You've got to know a guy. Low key, it might be better.

19:07 I built on that shit. Fuck off. a little bit you got boston you start out doing stand-up in boston it's it's like it's rough it's I'm going to keep that line. It's cold weather, I just think that the problem with New York is particularly like restaurants and clubs mean we should be doing more to help the comedy clubs honestly they should let them open they

21:05 No, there's a lot of cases. preparing for the second wave. d to people i was trying to get that regeneron from you when i got corona not when i got corona was like joe and i texted you like real like easy at first i was like joe what should i do for corona He goes, literally, he's better off just doing nothing right now. No, I can't smell at all. Do you get anything out of that?

23:12 A little. Yeah. It smells good good i like the smell yeah i don't smell in honor of donnell yeah i'm rich bitch you're not worried about getting it at all huh no i'm worried about giving it to other Are we just going to read one day on a Thursday Well, I talk to doctors. It's like I know what I'm doing. Of course. I went to public school, too. There's a lot of articles about them.

24:45 I believe USADA has banned them. I i don't think see if that's true because i think chad mendez was using uh was using I take like one unit a day. But if you don't lift weights and you take that stuff and you keep your body fairly lean yeah That's the same thing. you don't even play basketball i was playing ball and then i kind of stopped playing ball

26:30 You hit him on the forehead? destroy me if he wanted to why'd you hit him then uh he just hit me he hit you first yeah It's great. It was fun. cleans and presses and shit like that olympic weight lifts is what i always recommend to people This is our new life. fragile that's why when people old people fall down they break hips and shit yeah they just

29:00 Well, he'd probably fuck me up. But I could barely get through a workout without being in pain now And then being able to train for a fight Paulo Costa Jamie tried to shut it down and say it was like junior college. guys they're tough do you think that you need trolling now for fight sports are we at a point and he's like a consummate professional,

30:47 I feel like now the way you promote the fight is, Sure, and I'm sure if you're from Dagestan and that kind of stuff. or the end, rather, of the first round, Supremely dedicated. But he told his mother that he was going to retire after he fought Gaethje. The most dominant man in the sport. But it was apparently very brutal. You dry out to 155 and then you fucking balloon back up.

33:03 They test your hydration. They're huge. So guys that fought at 170 are now fighting at 185 because that's really what they weigh. and they're exceptional. and I'm seeing how dominant he's become, There's just a championship bump? No, the best fighters keep getting better until the wheels fall off, until their body so interesting yeah about that fight was like paulo costa is just this giant gorilla yeah just

36:19 You're training with a guy who's going to attack your leg. that right now is just fucked up from izzy chewing it up but even before the fight started he had these cup marks all over so i just kind of like would turn my leg i'd like let him move my leg with it yeah it was probably And maybe the side of my leg is a little bit more durable. and like you do you remember that fight yeah and just mayweather just totally schooled him man it

38:43 Mayweather's a real master.'s a modern master to me he's the A lot of people don't realize that. He's big. to go down to because he knew Canelo hook yeah yeah yeah yeah but i mean look at this i mean that's obviously not real but still You think Logan can? Yeah. Of course he can't. And it's like, there's no way that Logan connects. And he's never done, I don't know how many rounds they're doing.

42:31 Because you literally have the greatest boxer of all time versus a kid who's really athletic and really tough who can fight. my dad's favorite boxer and like my dad's a huge boxing fan he used to like cover boxing for the the best I've ever seen. He slugged it out with people. Because Floyd has a more intelligent approach. threw his like first or second jab floyd had already timed him

45:30 like willing to put yourself out there for a fight. maybe I'll let Amanda Nunes knock him out. that short hand that he threw and he clips them. And Nate was fucking dangerous, man. Like, legitimately skillful. there well he was complaining to the referee they got hit behind the head which is hilarious Back it up, Jamie. No, that's his second one. Yeah.

48:28 and he's only 23 power he's got legitimate skill and he's dedicated why not do it if you're Conor He might go a long way. He obviously can perform under pressure. He obviously has legitimate power. He said- He just called his wife a four. That's what Connor does. the guy knows how to be there i don't know somebody's talking how did he know he was Dylan Dennis gets a hold of you.

50:24 Really? So he's showing. OK, so there's different ways to build hype. Obviously, you can it would be hilarious if they had an MMA He might be able to. Tell me you don't want to see this fight. That's how you make money. No, he doesn't mind being hated. He is playing the character. Who knows what happens after the fight, I'm like, So Izzy's fighting right for the title.

53:31 uh mma now there's the last guy to knock him out his name is alex perera and he's truly one of the And with those four- ounce gloves and you know Maybe in kickboxing they let you get away with a little bit more. Listen, he's definitely gotten better. has takedown defense and he winds up making his way to the UFC... Yes, Artem Levin. interesting. He's not even going to gain any weight.

56:11 But his advantage is speed, right? know like the way he knew what was going to happen to paul costa unbelievable he was talking shit And he goes, this is what I do. Literally. paid here's the problem okay jake paul flatlines conor mcgr Ay-yi-yi. Do you understand? Ay-yi-yi. Do you understand? If they somehow or another do a boxing match Jake is probably similar, right?

58:36 Yeah. Nonstop shit-talking. If you have so much experience in the ring, dude, You could put Toney in the ring probably right now with an average heavyweight. The odds are, that sounds good. It's over. If he does. yeah so it's like just make the biggest fights and make the most money that the people are most I'm not going to bullshit. name the fucking yeah cm punk he had cm CM Punk. He had CM Punk fight.

1:01:53 Like legitimately famous. That's the top of the food chain. There's video of him getting tapped out in a UFC gym somewhere. pro boxing gloves on not like little tiny mma gloves like little tiny mma gloves everybody has Hits you in the head. Conor cracked him. You're not going to be stunned by any of these guys. i think he carried him the 10th round i'm not trying to take away from connor but like

1:04:32 could grow a beard. Floyd? That's a fake beard, bro. No comment. Huh. He got almost a billion. Yeah, that's 2012. Why does it say no hair up there? many cars and he doesn't even drive them and he has different color cars for different cities Nothing crazy? No, man. I felt like What? Fake beard, dude. This is a thing? I bet you dudes are going to start doing Botox big time.

1:07:41 Would you ever do Brotox? Like he knocked him out And fillers Wow. Let's go. wear the sunglasses they wouldn't let me they wouldn't let me wear sunglasses while i was Season six or whatever the fuck it was, I had it. That's it. Look at that little cutie pie, huh? And then you go to season seven, fat ass line between my eyebrows. Oh, that's what saving listening to it

1:09:59 I'm not even gonna say I'm like, I know we're going to talk about this. Here we go. Oh. got it And if I see you do it again, you're gone. You can tell it Come on. And you're gone. Because you can clearly hear, he's yelling through a mask. There's that, too. Do you? You didn't have one slur? Yeah. and fucking with things in the middle of a scene while the guy's trying to act.

1:14:26 A lot of them are knuckleheads. Yeah. It's a dramatic blowout. Do you think he really cares? before we know if it works saying and it's really dumb. Just First book going clear is even better than documentary and it's it's crazy shit man it's all talking He's crazy. It's bullshit, but it works. That's his glue. It's like country music. There's some great country music out there.

1:18:03 what scientology does so what Scientology does. No concentrating on being productive. He's a savage. What do you mean? Whatever. that are leading men that can't come out of the closet That's a wild-ass boy right there. And you're afraid to say you're gay But he could get cracked open by guys Hollywood pretends to be super woke And super progressive But there is one Ben so you might be right and he could be getting cleaned the fuck out by them right here's my thought Hollywood

1:20:19 it does not happen because there is We can't have an openly gay James Bond actor who goes banging spies and fucking people up. Neil Patrick Harris? Yeah. chick if he was banging dudes openly if tom cruise said listen all these years i've been a gay man international lead man superstar yeah not as true how things work like that you get you have to and

1:23:06 It's like you know, it doesn't matter how good the bacon is no matter how much you like bacon. They're not gonna eat it You don't have to go to China. China? I love Chinese food. He was like, hey, man, I just watched it. What did you call him Dude CNN went after him Yeah there's a recall Yeah. they recognize the sail. I don't know. I don't wish that on anybody.

1:26:24 Leave the girls' vaginas alone. We're joking around about jail, but I legitimately think they should be forced to resign. saying like uh hey we should be out here we should be spending money we should do our thing i think And she doesn't get called out on it. That is going to kill the party. Unbelievable. With your show. You end up having the biggest show in the history of media so far right these people

1:28:53 were you sitting down going one day I'm going to have the biggest there's a little more skepticism or benefits special interest groups. weed to be legal, all of a sudden, all these same stiffs that have been saying weed shouldn't be That's the bullshit about it. and what he should say? And what's so funny is we would clown Russia i shouldn't be here and you shouldn't be here.

1:31:38 But they could literally be, they could pull it close. Where you're like, what is happening here? it in a natural voice. Like, dude, first time I came on the show, I saidflix was gonna go out of business yeah i was wrong netflix is decision i walked in here jamie said oh that thing that. Jamie, that was a five-minute decision. and then did the podcast.

1:34:07 Yeah. You find out it's propaganda or it's a parody site. Yeah. It's on its own the fifth largest country in the world you even want that why would you want that i'm not saying i want that i like ridiculous shit so far no has showed me that no i haven't read that either but it's it's interesting that some Yes. Yeah. You know there's some stuff question because you know there's some yeah so what's the number yeah you know there's some stuff ballots you know there's some bullshit

1:37:02 and delegitimize the loss because he's always about branding. They kind of think he's looking a little bit pathetic now yeah it doesn't look good it in front of you so you go with it but you're like oh i don't know if that's true and then you see him complaining about it all the time but then you see that like the electoral You look pathetic. And you're like, oh, did you though?

1:39:09 of you know patriotism but here's the thing he's done that in the past yeah this is what he does don't they say didn't they say that's how jfk won like didn't the oh yeah isn't that the rumor Like Kennedy was a great president for as long as he stayed alive. Who do we like? So he's like a right-wing hero, but he's a left-wing devil in a lot of ways.

1:40:58 You have to constantly fight for your reputation even after you're president and a beloved president. have to vote for these people he's not wrong he's 100 right about that but still the idea is that but that shit is entrenched yeah like they've been trying to get rid of that shit for the last four But the rest of them, you're just the newest liar.

1:43:00 You're the newest liar. that get involved like garcetti the mayor of los angeles oh yeah that guy's such a low-rung intellect part about him though what is that he tried so hard to be progressive as progressive as possible They're as hardcore lefty marxist as They want leftists. with the defund the police thing is like i i started to look into it it and we were talking

1:46:14 They want to protect average citizens from, I don't know if it's more or less sane people, It's like the same thing with this democratic socialism. Right? Bernie Sanders was running on the platform of democratic socialism, and they were so scared of him, they had to rig the primaries. to do that see he explained on the see there's a version of him that you get from the media

1:48:34 Student debt. interesting to me like it behooves a country that generates its income off taxation to have an That's not the problem. like fucking poetry. like the way our economy works is through debt in fractional reserve banking it's kind of a wild thing but once i found that out i'm like oh that Do you know there's people out there that are getting Social Security docked because

1:51:47 and the government giving you social security, You're at the end of the line really wipe it clean with with the powers that be and the way the government is structured right now and the way these banks and bankers have influence over politicians. Tax breaks are also a good idea because people spend money. We're America. if that happens, the conservative approach to healthcare?

1:54:27 Or you could have people inside the public system, and then you could have private options as well, like they do in Canada. give people when we bring them into our culture and they contribute okay contribute taxes some and promote it heavily because you can't do that today. where this person being unhealthy conversation and it's not looked at as Right.

1:56:54 lose the weight, bro. Come on. Well, what is the Yes. And now you're trying to get healthy? what's crazy is like she's trying to lose weight she's trying to lose weight but like she this is and they think they're celebs and then they divert a little bit from that wave and that fucking like uh he's his eyeballs are like remotely broadcast into his head they're not really there

1:59:32 He's such a dope. It's crazy. But who the fuck wants that a... It's crazy. It's crazy. so everybody knows where you are. I asked governor Abbott when I was chilling with the governor of Texas you are moving it grooving and be like no i'm still gonna do this shit well he was in a wheelchair when he was 24 he was go to town or whatever i don't know because stephen hawking was piping broads that's what i

2:01:54 Yeah, he's the one telling me about that. What's happening? i guess a lot of people but i don't know maybe they're not used to like you know when you see I'll show you the DM, bitch. i trust his opinion on almost everything really yeah he's a very very very smart man all right But what does that mean if you're a mathematician? that's the difference

2:04:13 and he brought over Eric von Daniken. That's right. He brought eric von daniken that's right he brought over eric And what did he think? and that this type of imagery exists all throughout Mayan culture yeah i'm not exactly but um it was really cool to see. they actually are situated in the same way that the mountains are. And you're telling me you haven't used any of your influence to see if there's aliens, Joe?

2:07:01 Right after he gets out of office. I guess I was a bully. What do I do now? I mean, I Yeah, Burning Man Trump. And like it's People die up there cells is that how stem cells work but no for real they might be able to send something to Mars in four years, but they keep saying that. He was referring to the opportunity to launch. Yeah. know i don't know but i mean it seems egregious right there should be a cap for divorce money

2:10:13 They look at it like it's a team game. Go earn your money. They get all Amazon stock, yeah. I show up at cocktail parties and let everybody know. don't think that happened immediately home the pipe yeah no it's hard to get a man for money She was our girl. used a fake voice. because they wanted so badly... Yeah, but she's not a tech genius. Oh, cash out, babe.

2:13:24 But she's fucked now, man. Is it them? and people would try them. They hustled a lot of people but I was like, this does not sound like something that a genius says. like you could make I'm like oh my god that bitch is an idiot I was like watch I saw that speech and I was like not her It's like what you're doing girls There's some fireworks going off in that brain

2:17:02 The voice comes and goes sometimes too. It's like some female. Did you find the Elizabeth Holmes one? She fucked over a lot of very do everything you can to be the best in science and math and engineering it's our actions that will determine this new stereotype You're a girl. women that excel in those areas so we put pressure but no it's not it's they it's not that's not what

2:19:55 But why would you? Find me the guy with all the friends that's like normal to be around no question whether they're smart. Right. The problem is less women are interested in those fields. Exactly. like it'll be like instagram videos or like tiktoks or these kind of things with me and they I was like, Now that there is a currency and value attached to being funny as a girl,

2:23:01 But instead of having to go on stage right in front of a group of fucking idiot dudes they're not gonna get it and gonna be aggressive yeah they and it might be completely outside of our like sphere of comedy like you and i it might not go in front of a crowd it's painful bro it's not for everybody it's not fighting i hate when people That's what's so whack about that video.

2:25:27 The best. That's interesting. Is it the next level though, dude? fucking spectrum let's keep them they do their thing we need it all yeah yeah you come up with with 2 000 people so you got these pauses that don't make any sense there's no one in the room and you're being really awkward in this conversation? away all my tricks but uh i'll say now at the end of a line the punch line could be uh inflatable

2:28:29 But just finding a way, and F.A. Ilgai, those dudes and uh they're all covet free yeah now yeah we all got it this year uh what is this whoa the last two weeks was two hours of sleep jesus christ for four videos that are 15 minutes It's for... shit to it we try to have like some fun it but like i mean like all the little pictures are so you like to spread the love man i am so into spreading the love and i'm so into um promoting

2:31:36 up yeah and then you put a crowd work special on youtube yeah that blew the fuck up yeah and then liked it i love it yeah we were we worked hard on it man and i all the credit to the guys as well and he was helping us and he was opening up for me on the road he literally graduated college thing you know what i mean and i noticed he was pulling a lot of late nights and every time i'd

2:34:21 sitting there and i was like wow this guy is really sharp, and has a great take We need someone who would make sure the arguments are super solid and unimpeachable. people over at jacks as well. And this guy, And he starts running a team editors. fucking great and i hope none of them listen to this and ask for more money but no but like they for a while and um he was he was producing stuff he was doing in italy and like he was doing stuff

2:37:30 kevin gets to tell netflix the things they want right like in terms of they could give you a note And it was a joke we had, and it was a non sequitur. so like no no but for a living that's what she does a adult star a star sorry whatever it's a They're like the thick ones. And I go, why? but when they were like this is an illegal thing to do because there's no proof that she's had it

2:40:09 I don't worry about Netflix because Netflix has never given me a fucking single note. Yeah. These guys are watching that shit. He didn't like it at all. It was the best take throw through a fucking wall. So it's not like he's a victim physically. So you can make fun of him in when the Me Too shit was at its height. But the bit was basically that if someone like that, if Harvey Weinstein did that shit to my daughter, I would want to fuck him up.

2:42:59 Yeah, it was basically saying that a guy who fucks a woman for money, they make them stars yeah creeps they're creeps yeah and it's like if that you know what maybe Not at her. Hold on. star like really did what he said he was going to do if you're up front about it and you're not Some people can if you have a shit immune system. Lawyers on both sides agree to push his trip back

2:45:46 He's going to go to LA. I think that child rape is the big one, right? I'm okay, though, if they take out child rapists. That's the darkest part about it, is that these child rapists come from abuse themselves. this is the our understanding of human psychology and like how the mind works and how to fix like What are you laughing at, Jamie? He's 68.

2:48:13 oh my God, Total peace, bro. She wants it. Wow, is he getting out? You don't think I have conjugal visits in jail. kept specially for prisoners, He didn't look so deathly ill. They gave you some filters. that's one of my favorite movies i love that movie um but yeah they fixed my nose they took what the fuck happened to you, man? They Botoxed me. They Botoxed me up.

2:51:14 That's Botox. I know. I'm so happy you're out there. Goodbye, world.