Joe Rogan Experience #1586 — Tony Hinchcliffe Transcript

Transcript

0:00 the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day so they have to look at me. Radio voice. Okay. Okay. Here we go. Woo Did you see Segura broke his fucking arm? basketballs how dare you how dare you when i mean look at the look how swollen that's just not even Yikes. there's other solutions that aren't going to cripple the economy too like these goddamn rapid

3:32 We did it with everybody except Jamie. He said that sounded so gay that's the way i sounded all the time with everything but it's like really let's try it like the beginning of a porno no hesitation yeah so um Out here they're treating it like it's a bad flu. I just don't think it's something I want to catch. I don't think it's something i want to catch i don't think it's something that you should catch it's not good

5:13 You do in science? And no one's talking directly to them about... What is that? It's a part of Spanish. They tend to have a lot of people under one roof They're more protected from the dangers of sunlight, right, because of melanin. be fucked it's like santino he'd be fucked he would would burst into flames. I'll tan up. I'll tan up pretty good. I mean, their body's protected because of the melanin.

8:16 like a solar panel for vitamin D. Yeah. like that's the first article I've ever seen about anything. And there it is almost probably recent, messing with mixing things up. Oh, yeah. I have very clear memories of me, Jamar, Gerard, He might be. to talk about the shadiest super spreader thing that i've done during this whole time he asked me Apartment Show Jammers.

12:00 He's got a pretty legit line up there. When's the next show, man? He's writing with long cursives, like the J's and the H's. but it was so much fun ended up just roasting his tiny little apartment i mean there's people Look at the people just crammed together in the corner. For a guy with the last name neighbors neighbors he sure is bad at being one i roasted the shit out of him that's hilarious he kept going

14:27 in forever he kind of stopped doing stand-up pre-pandemic he came on the show when he did yeah wild And we would see each other because we were stuck performing in front of each other that's how it 10 years in is when you really start getting good. You know, I don't I don't want to do this anymore. That's like real artistic expression. But when I was a kid, it was my life.

17:46 Like, Bobcat Goldthwait started directing movies. Yeah you ever see willow creek no dude willow creek is probably the best bigfoot movie ever made wow and it's a I remember him very clearly when I was a kid. Which is, it's a wild fucking movie, man. But he made a conscious decision i'm not Yep, exactly. that crowd and goes in front of the lights he just all the way not even 10 he's at you know 30

20:32 Yep. Creepy. It's just how it is. they would ask you to do they would make you do something like that if you want to work at cnn Back down again? Okay, we'll try it again. It's so phony. I finally made it. Please stop. Stop, Jamie. Don't make me. Finally. It's over. I finally made it. Well, it's a program. are just death is coming to all of us 24 7 a day no matter what is happening in the news well i

24:17 and it infuriated my friends Janet and Evan, Like, why would you shut down outdoor dining when just restaurants alone cause 3%? There's a lot of them that were higher than that. i mean it's the same thing there's nothing nothing's changing so people are like fuck you work in grocery stores i think that's if i had to guess i don't have to guess but if i'm gonna guess

26:55 Go to school. said uh what is it coughing is the new n word how about sneezing yeah maybe that was fucking sprays it yeah or that they're not going to spread it. William Shakespeare was the first one to get it. That's hilarious. to write some awesome plays. I told you. Wow. I cannot picture that at all. Jamie's got a picture. Or 22. In that picture than you currently do

30:49 A bunch of things you got to do Yeah but you got to make sure you do it the correct way It's really, really... You got to get a trainer. grip you grab the bar you bend down and your whole body i mean it's everything you're using You get sick eating a lot of food I did gain like 8 or 10 pounds That was the most ridiculous challenge ever. he's silly as hell for like an hour afterwards and uh so he was loving it he dug it the most

33:50 I didn't do, like, milkshakes at night and stuff like that. cereal cereal candy candy like it was unbelievable and he was just the I did go to the gym like, I don't know, four or five days a week. about discussing it they they want to dismiss the idea they would ever do it. And I like to talk to jacked doctors. and eating a lot of processed food and eating a lot of like heavy carbohydrate like bread and pot,

36:30 Most, for most people, some people have an issue. say well look all these things are going up up. Now we have a better understanding of what your hormone levels are at when they're optimized. So I look at my sleep in the morning. I look at how much i got and how much i recovered on my whoop app and you cut out all these different things, but burt has got a different constitution than all of us you know if i drank like burt i'd be a dead

39:15 like this is a it's a multi-step process before you get to bioreplaceable hormones. I'm 138 pounds. What do you think I should... What about these shoulders? For months. like a car that you have to drive right if you want to keep your body strong. They were barely alive. It's going to be over a year. They're essentially autocrats, right? And even then, it'd be like, okay, inside yoga is bad.

41:50 To stay home Don't travel, stay away from people Take care That is to go to Cabo and be in a condo in Cabo. Listen, we can't relax. No social distancing. Yeah. bro the fucking mayor of chicago same thing gets busted getting her haircut these people are gross And we made friends with some of these people these past few months. Almost 30 years. They just don't have that.

45:01 And for a lot of restaurant owners, it almost is like an art form or almost like a source of entertainment, too. nine right it was a long shot we drove by this one place and we ended up the kid worked there It's like an, it was an alleyway. are there uh big cities run by republicans that are that just left everything open basically you things up they're they're financially capable of surviving a year or even longer without work. And many of them are

48:09 but they can say, listen, we were in a pandemic. We saved lives. That'll be the propaganda. That'll What we've got to do is keep people healthier, Can we just get everybody an N95 mask? out. And then they do the same thing talking about coronavirus like in la they were saying three percent i think it was 3.1 percent to shut all the gyms down. So you can't, hey, all you healthy studs and studettes and stud

51:14 They get to decide. imagine tornado sirens in ohio yes where they have that they could just just like that like But I'm telling you, when we went from... Wow! Imagine. Boarding school. Yeah. what the fuck am I doing? This is awesome for you, blah, blah, blah, blah. water and power and flexing their muscle and telling people you can't get together to have a

54:13 So double down on stand-up, double down on live podcasting. and it's fun, and it's relaxing, it's going to increase lawlessness because they don't believe in the system and they're also too and if all you're doing to protect their every night tell your dad to come to Texas shoot a couple of guns yeah get a shot of this stuff. So many good restaurants.

57:24 If I'm drunk, I want to go to a taqueria all day yeah he's the king of texas yeah if you have any questions, you go to Ron White. and right now I can't do that I'm moving here I need to get the studio set up I need to get my he wants to hear it but he knows he's gonna hear it too i'm like you're funny as fuck man come on Oh, God, he's the coolest. We're neighbors now.

1:00:23 He's fucking beaming, beaming when he brings me up. Oh, my God. And he gave me one of those big hugs where the backs of the, he's like hey man i'm just gonna fucking hang back yeah i'm just gonna drink my tequila he's later we're eating barbecue dinner and uh and he goes yeah I'm leaving tomorrow after your show at You asked me earlier. He just wanted to pretend.

1:03:15 woe is me and be depressed and scream and he's just gonna find a way to be happy with this life you're gonna do it like ron white's friday night take here's what i saw and like this is this is street from him i hit him up and we we all hung out and uh everything he does you know you'll people who genuinely don't give a fuck and will say the most rude and

1:06:06 people but there's a it's not just comics that are good people there's a lot of people that i fuck so if i say something you know and I can laugh at myself. and people hit me up and tag me. Right. now is something you said when you and I were on the road. It's a form of stand up. And now is it crazy? how to make it that fresh for the people hearing it

1:09:56 And then you try to do it again and you can't recreate it. make as much sense with the rest of my act or there's a problem if you have like two different yeah yeah just sat down and watched yeah what Dean Dean had a great set cool and didn't know who he was on the patio were sort of like what what's this guy doing why is with that huge disconnect and one speaker

1:12:54 Right. before a comic goes on stage when you're in the audience i remember this from like the early days harder you know he he hits a punch line and you could hear laughter everywhere and it's like You watch it. That's a real experience. than you talking like this best stand-up or the best version of online stand-up? Andrew Schultz. Yep. Yeah. And other folks have made these errors, different ways, no fault of their own, just trying different ways to do it.

1:17:15 except there's no network notes coming in. shows you you gotta like of like a serious left wing bend almost always right if it's a comedy hour or whatever and at the end all four of us went out with microphones and did like this super Me, Dylan, Santino, and Schultz, all with microphones at once. Wasn't there a senator that said something really crazy the other day?

1:19:29 makes no sense. They wanted to kill him. He's just tucking his pants in. Have you seen that one yet? Post 9-11, that guy was a hero. She looked like she had literally just stepped off the bar, did a bump of coke, and just started talking and testifying. Something crazy with it? There's fucking gold underneath the White House, Why don't you look at the registered voters on there so my question then is how many wait what

1:22:54 This is like watching some sort of a... after they took the microphone out. You know that, right? look remotely 15 at a dance I was crying. The guy's a genius. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, This is him. I'll watch it. Third of all, they have no idea what this is. And the next thing you know, you're the punchline.

1:25:26 you know, He runs again in 2024. beliefs but is not so bombastic and someone who doesn't cause as many problems. President Dan Crenshaw. Yeah, he's got a goofy policy on marijuana. It's true. He doesn't get high. and I'd probably miss things. And some people think it's enhanced because you're more sensitive. hips, with your shoulder, blah, blah, blah,

1:28:34 it, I get to watch it purely without thinking about how i would do it yeah i'm like oh i see Two out of ten times I scalped that fucking floor. Yeah. Let me double check. Look at that guy. The Swingman is his name online. Jamie's Tabs. Because there's so many aspects of the sport. Yeah. I think it used to be there's a league that I used to play in,

1:32:34 other guys are that handicap. I heard that Queen's Gambit on Netflix is supposed to be badass. So sad. Yeah. I didn't see it, but. Dare I say. real value in having a good actor that people don't know yeah because then you relate to the he's a comic and he was on a television show before that really yeah yeah michael keaton was on a sitcom um trying to think of what it was

1:36:19 about that's including christian bale yeah not only was he the best Batman, he was also the best Bruce Wayne. There's a TV, I think he was going to be on the TV show. Wow. I know. Clooney? That's the problem. But that's not Batman. you could the original one it's so funny because the bat there was like the batman comic books Batman for TV was ridiculous like look at him like look how

1:39:31 You'd see like a bam Yeah when you get to Heath Ledger Incredible. Yeah. That was like, let's get as many famous people as we can in a movie. No, that was the one before. It's weird. they had the fantastic four they had everything they had all the cool ones They had Spider-Man They had the Hulk Get the fuck out of here Started coming out super that are just trying

1:42:33 Yeah. into this really creepy shape. underwear for a month just ran outside with cans of gasoline and fucking rocks to throw through I left that movie going, that dude is a bad motherfucker. This is pre-pandemic. all the restaurants shutting down. Like where you live, there was a shitload of looting across the street from your apartment. There's a lot of activity.

1:45:30 Closed and boarded up for their own protection. direction i had some some i had a weird conversation with someone about that. Because it's a feeling, a malady of the mind, you want to go well shouldn't have been boozing you know hey maybe get your life together and then And you see you're happier than you used to be Started entering marathons I got very fortunate.

1:49:08 Like, look, up there, up there. to even not only that but you pull the blinds up to even let sunlight in to even begin getting out of the bed and time but whoever you, whatever you are is a bunch of shit, man. what your commute is like how much money you're making what kind of stress are you under depression thing is a weird one because we blame the people for it it's fucking weird

1:51:58 It's the same thing with. I wonder which arm he answers the phone with. Yeah Case calls back. His entire left side. How do you put up Burt 2, Tom 0 in their challenges? The tennis thing apparently was ridiculous I didn't see it but Bert according to Tom He's got a world class serve Wow. Yes. Oh, he really is. go do you now you shouldn't fight him i go you guys shouldn't have

1:56:31 like the phoenix suns gorilla mascot just well you know he's another guy that is capable of a lot more Here's him doing deadlifts, right? And the idea of lifting the most weight, this is not working out. they're going to could lift 225 pounds. Really? Neither one of them pipsqueaks could lift 225 pounds really neither I don't know what that is, you know, what the cause of it is.

1:59:04 That's just, just throw it up. they're big dudes like they'd probably be stronger than me like pretty quickly they're both a lot lifts are you know I was the only one who did the Sober October thing this year. i've been deep into drinking the past month it's been so much fun just like better drinks He lost a ton of weight. good things about when you get older you lose uh

2:02:29 He doesn't get extra points for 93% either. Dude, he's got a legitimate six pack. I just started watching movies. Really? wow it's such it's a wild fucking scene, man. everybody to get to this guy who killed his dog and stole his car he's literally killing a hundred Looks over at the guy he's supposed to kill. there's so much action and violence packed in these scenes when you're doing cardio you're like

2:05:35 I mean, spoiler alert, and just jacked that motherfucker up to 10. it's number one for me guns are pretty i mean like when it comes to violence though i would take the during this part they should release the director's cut where it's it's red i've seen it it's actually I forgot how good this is, dude. Hold up. just gonna go over it with ease and then all of sudden, she's actual Uma Thurman making it over the wall.

2:08:52 But watch this. He jumps to the top. that you thought were dead. It's good to see them. At least action movies, I should say. You know Steve Sharippa from The Sopranos? Yeah. like an audience at a comedy club like i went to see something about mary i'll never forget this because uh you know steve sciarrappa from the sopranos yeah steve sciarrappa from the sopranos described it best he goes it was like a comic killing it's like it it was when he when she

2:11:20 more because there was a large audience you know there was something about the large audience like Forever. For sure. What do you mean we can't do anything? Can't have that. What is apart? No. You can't have that. It's not like everybody's completely dismissive. horrible pandemic that they thought it was going to be it still sucks it's still not good but it's

2:13:15 I remember being fucking terrified in the beginning and just really nervous, told you can't go anywhere, you can't go golfing. And your ball just rolls out to you. volume over and over and over and over and over again which again i am 100 fine with i'm for it what you don't do with your own health in your own life because you can in all That's possible too.

2:16:20 How are these people going to pay their rent? stay home though the people with pre-existing conditions they might be like fuck you i'm gonna and then you have a disease of poverty burning through the entire population? You have a disease of despair. There's a lot of other things that aren't good besides just the illness. The question We need to stop all the golfing.

2:18:52 What are you looking? certain courses i guess it says you can golf in la la what tony is this all fugazi they canceled Yeah. You want people to be able to golf? Where do those people get the food from? How's the landlord going to pay his rent or his mortgage if no one pays rent? flatten the curve shit was supposed to be two weeks two weeks remember that yeah yeah here we

2:21:58 What happens that leads you to be able to tell people that they can't be out? Can you believe that? hey what's up nice car and i go uh yeah if you ever see it don't give me don't give me a ticket and he goes Somebody walked up and just shot two cops in the face in L.A. They definitely need better training. I'm with that guy. Filtration systems make sense.

2:24:57 tells you that you can't work your rent is frozen right and that rent is paid by the government No protection on people for getting evicted. All these people that worked in restaurants, the few people on a staff that were lucky enough to get shifts on the limited basis of everything, limited tables, limited business, are now not working. then you realize how crazy what you're doing is yeah but whitney cummings got in trouble for a

2:27:23 I'm not a person that's in the position that I'm talking about. government has never made decisions that force people to lose their life's work in the in a few suicide, all these things are upticking. And if you were an accountant, if you wanted to bring one side of it you never talked about one side of it. They didn't serve small businesses. like you meet enough of those guys to become a navy seal to be a goggins to be a jocko you're

2:30:42 They went out there and they got jobs that some people I don't mean to pick on the mayor of Ventura. You can decide that. think a lot of people realize how powerful governors actually are state to state to state The old dude who ran for president, who was an oil guy. This is how it works. And they think that Clinton won won and that hw didn't But he did this explanation.

2:33:56 They get the Federal Reserve's nonsense. What does all this mean what are we doing what's He was a governor in the 80s, and then he was a governor again recently, before Gavin Newsom. Take two back-to-back terms. I've gotten better Presidential About Nixon right they thought that he was in collusion with russia correct yeah but still That's why it was the issue.

2:36:48 Yeah, that makes it different. than you like who's gonna handle it he would he would give speeches the way he would talk you see this ask him tomorrow it'll be a new story bro we ain't seen shit let me tell you something gotten rid of the bad man there won't be a bad man anymore there'll just be a guy who's falling Either it doesn't make sense or it does make sense.

2:39:25 But if I said that about Obama, it wouldn't make any sense at all. able, so you got to get him out of that job then because you know what's going on. Yeah, it's unbelievable. cool elon joy beer wish you a congratulations on your face space launch eric a big deal man SpaceX launch. Oh, cool. Elon, Joey B here. Sorry, who is this? COVID-19 is different and very much not very cool.

2:41:07 Frankenberry. No, not billion. Is he dead? a complete new wrinkle in social media we're going to have some fun times with this guy What do we do? I mean, everyone has to be. Former Israeli space security chief says extraterrestrials exist and Trump knows about it. And it turns out that I found out the next day it wasn't a spaceship, and you want to see a UFO because you saw lasers.

2:44:22 all the research on how mushrooms can hit you the hardest anyway a few hours in we're standing out on that patio and you know and then as they're walking by and you realize, They must be struggling. Illegal. I don't know. Yeah. they cut a hole through it let cars drive through it and i remember it from when i was a kid that Crazy. I got an idea. How old is that 4 000 years old let's dig a hole in it and drive cars to be shit they thought about instagram

2:47:59 So it might have been done even before that But I thought like the- Enlarging an existing scar, it says. through a tree. Wow. with his dick hanging out I want my money back. with that giving you like not just really good cameras but a bunch of different ways you can You've seen tons of pictures, so it's like, part of like it says it is all these lies you don't know if it is it could i'm just gonna assume

2:51:19 Hey, hey, you're ruining my fun. I assumed there'd be an answer, but there he is. I don't see a camera in the front either. It wasn't even a picture, really. They just have a camera going. No. day where someone was trying to make the argument that elon musk is an idiot wow that's a tough argument to make but it made me made me happy because it just goes to show you that no

2:53:40 Elon Musk confirms, yes, I have lived in Texas. Wild. and it's not good for anybody who lost businesses, for a television show you're going to sell yourself for a movie all those options are And you don't want the role. being in a hub that's connected to uh television or or or film is silly like that's a different Yeah. yeah you have to invest in the scene and if you look at it only like scene like you're investing in the scene yeah you have to invest

2:57:32 You have to have a community of people that are trying to get better. Yeah. if they wanted to it was us yeah like even if it's just that that was enough for us to see if we There's no college, right? we were walking by this horrible location, La Brea and Santa Monica, where I, where I first Just completely backwards. that you see occasionally at night and you try to catch it in a net like how do i get it how do i

3:00:54 I am honored to have this gig. owners uh from all around the country and i laugh, I thought he was making a joke. I truly did. And I didn't want to follow up. Like, hey, I remember it was like a flip phone and him just laughing and recording. like you guys are looking at me like i work at exxon mobile and he's just getting his huge laughs. you'll find

3:03:23 is she let the inmates run the asylum. She would always put you in tough spots they all need to figure out what it is about what the way they think, There's little subtle things you learn over time. it wouldn't work yeah wouldn't work it's comedy's fucking weird art form man you know i once Italian father and Cause I feel like I was inside of one of your bits.

3:07:01 and i fucking died man i wanted to like just run out of the building dice is a bit of a germaphobe right of course that's why he wears those weightlifting gloves that place would be sold out for a year right i mean people just buy tickets in advance it'd be Hey. What am I doing? She's a great, fucking night serving drinks and hearing jokes over and over

3:10:50 just have good talent at a club you also have to have good talent in terms of like the management now on saturday night live yep what not surprised what yep punky goes from being one of the There's a lot of people that were out there trying to make it happen. Jeff Scott, same deal. and you know you'd see people hammered more than not you know and everybody was cool like they

3:13:23 This fucking bitch. the only place where like a comedian can give you like a red slip or whatever a pink slip it's interesting too to watch people get busted Some clubs have a scam going of drinks so like uh the waiter would bring them up for like they like say if people wanted three Yeah. right they had eyes on us the moment we came into the place i think i'd probably stolen a few candy

3:16:47 Yeah. I don't remember who he called or how I got out of it. But they scared the shit out of me. I liked the ones with almonds. That's Hershey's with peanuts. No. outside of a candy bar you ever seen a nougat no what does nougat look like i don't know where Yep. Shit. Eggs? reese's peanut butter cup you just got some good peanut butter and some good chocolate Big whites and boiled sugar syrup. It just takes up space. It makes your candy bar seem thicker. Yeah.

3:19:52 doesn't taste like peanut butter because you know it's like you got your chocolate in my peanut Wow. It does like full, like cleans it all the way out as carefully as possible. You should say. I want to hear if it's good. and just eat it. Amazing. Has anybody ever figured out the proper tool for taking organic peanut butter One of those Theraguns with like a thing on the bottom.

3:21:57 Candle burners exist. I don't know, Reese's Company from the brothers. They got a fucking city named after it. That's better. Kalamata? That's your move? Yes, I did. This is destiny. I don't think it's like as simple as just like get the olives in. You and I are friends. you have to be when you really have to pee and before this show also you for They can't hear you anymore.

3:25:30 headphone grab where you grab each ear for a second but then i'm like no okay hang in there and then I'll drink a couple of liters of water, and how much you're sweating. like 94 95 something like that he didn't have a limp at all wow yeah slowly over time yeah he it yeah if you sweat enough Absolutely. And when the clubs start opening and we get the scene moving out here. A lot of people are moving out here. It's exciting. It's good to be free. And when the clubs start opening

3:28:23 into a compromising situation we're doing one minute And it created a community of people that do the show and have been on the show and the regulars of the show. What is ridiculous? The people that do pretend you don't, they're doing a terrible disservice. And in this time, It's not real cruelty. Yeah. You saw a fun fucking movie, though. Yeah. Not with a sword in her hand either, right?

3:31:16 We're doing five of them here with Dave, and Dave's doing five of them on his own.