Joe Rogan Experience #1604 — Jamar Neighbors Transcript

Transcript

0:00 the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day So one of the last days that I was out there before I came out here. was just looking at the whole place taking it in and i was just like damn i was like i just walked off god i looked at my name and i was up there like damn man i worked so hard to What year was it when you got passed?

2:17 really like yeah and they sat her in the back and everybody was like oh my god it's me oh my god um i thought that my friend in back, He was, I was like, I was like, That's an hour grudge you had to like earn your spot back you had to hang out there forever so yeah so uh then all my friends were getting passed, and I was up there like, man, I'm funny as fuck

4:54 And then he'd be like, he'd be like, he was just laughing in the back. Adversity makes you stronger if you do stick it out. I'd go to see them. Like, my friends would get, like, shows and stuff. and I would And I was like, all right, well, this is what's going to happen. Was it that many? What? Yeah. They didn't have that in Boston when I started out.

8:20 fuck i forgot what the fuck i was gonna say bring. Bring your shows, 20 people. Oh, yeah, yeah. It stifles growth, I think, a little bit, those bringer shows, but it's so fucked up what are you doing out out here? So I'm doing shows all week. Wink, wink. Listen, once I open the club, I'm going to put the bat signal up. or you could take care of your little career and go to Austin and do shows for a week.

10:38 It's a great spot. A little weird, people above you. It was amazing. Yeah. It's ridiculous. Doesn't even make any sense. undertaker's belt on i said you got to take a shirt off photo with the undertaker's belt on yo yeah fucking tony henscliff and like best roaster in the He started calling it Corvette confidence. He's a bad motherfucker, Tony Hinchcliffe. He he is a bad motherfucker and he's savage with the jokes yeah

13:25 of my airbnb a day ago out here yeah in front of my airbnb in the middle of me about to call uber Their car gets repossessed, and they don't – It's like, And then so that one, like scheming and all this shit so um i went over my aunt's house and my big brother was over there And if I was another nigga, with the unemployment You start to change the way you look at things.

16:15 take it from somewhere or they're going to have to start printing money and then it's just look have a tv on like what do they have a jamie is there an explanation for why why does that matter This provision is effective until further notice. None. Zero. Zilch. So this idea about them being overcrowded, there's no evidence. who didn't like fuck with the comedy store like that like but that's what happened but what were

19:17 That doesn't make any sense. It was so hard. Donnell can beat bulletproof glass. And Michelle Wolf Like a bat out of hell. I was like, did he beat the fucking window? I don't want to try can beat the window. You can beat the window. People would just be excited. I don't want to try to beat the window. Yeah. I never liked outdoor amphitheater shows.

21:07 Packed main room. Yeah. Like, Beverly, what is it? it but um but so they weren't bad i for I for a second was the only person because this is- Like super spreader bro And I said, you know what I'm about to do? So how did you get the people in there? comic friends and I was like, y'all trying to do some comedy? the show. the motherfucking bed people was chilling in the kitchen that was like the green room

24:46 There's a lot of clubs, once you get past, like stage time, probably hit like three spots improv live factory comedy store then that's about it maybe ice house Yeah. hired a stripper to come and it wasn't no stripper there no just me feels terrible this is i was bombing and it felt like i was performing in front of people that there was you know like I said like six people in the audience and the type of

28:02 family i had to get out of the fucking house yeah and i saw this place and i came over and he was like what is this the guy and the girl both of them a very it's a portuguese section of rhode island rhode island has a lot of portuguese immigrants Yeah. They're doing them in back of trucks now. Yeah. How are they allowed to do that? Maybe they're not still doing it.

30:23 Yeah, and I'm like, I don't even know what I'm going to do when I get... I don't like that shit. Yeah? He's got shit dialed in. But just in fact, you're doing it by car. 700 cars sounds like a good time. I don't believe so. shows and being careful and wearing masks and you know he won't even shake your hand even me Fuck. yeah we got to take the shit into our own hands. Yeah. My mom was like, oh, my God, are you going to Austin?

33:21 Yeah. I'm going to have him come out here, too. That's real, too. I love him. Yeah. Now it's like that. because they were worried that a casting agent This has always been my strategy. But, like, come out crazy so they know what the fuck they may be getting. comedy is you add a few drinks people are smoking weed the place is Jamie's moving me over.

37:19 Yeah. But you got to establish that. yeah and so when we started doing shows like we did these joe rogan and friends shows then or something and I was like oh F oh and by the way I ended that set Right, right. Yeah. She was like, Gerard, amazing. Let them grow. Oh, my God. like a white belt premise a white belt premise is like oh you know it's easy set up punch lines

41:35 I don't care at what level of comedy Okay. i feel like a show like that where you where you're constantly spouting like these insults on stage and shit like that or whatever. we were like, and like these different props And if, so we would go prop shopping. So they're probably going to say stuff like this. one of the bits indoors burning a flag is dangerous as fuck but people but that's the

45:51 Whatever, right? And sometimes a whole crowd will fucking do it and shit. I had to go. And then you guys would run on stage and make chaos. and i was sitting there and i was sitting there and I was getting kind of nervous about the show because this You get to do that There's some people that do. It's one of the best parts of the show. Yeah. And you could see in the audience, the laughter was hard, and then it took it to another level.

49:42 You hug it out. But he's also fun and he's just a good dude. Cause I don't like the idea of thinking about somebody for two whole fucking But, Oh, yeah. Okay, it would start at 1030. 80 people in there. There's probably about did a structural assessment? Just to hang up on those backstairs just so you could hear if you couldn't get in Yeah, man. stage and yeah no i get it i get it you did it forever yeah but but it was just i think things that are just wild like that are great for the soul of

53:25 It's more wild. You know, maybe it was a writing job or somebody had. All right, I'm going to get Willie. Yeah. was such a Do what you want. Like, it would be really hard to create a show like that or like a lot of others. This is a big thing. accidentally learned how to box just by being in in the gym for six hours like like like for I'm here to work out, though.

57:30 were telling me you were thinking about taking a fight i was like whoa okay i said uh because i was And then Martin Lawrence. I was with Maurice Smith, conversation on his instagram and i think he sent it to me and i might have put it on my instagram That's it right there. I'm telling you. chicago ridge hand here like this chicago style ridge. I don't know. This shit feels soft.

59:54 soft tissue in the face Maybe my little brother. Are you left-handed? Yeah, we quit. When did this happen? Yeah, and I only did that because I didn't get to do the golden gloves. And I was like, just to show off my body Hell no, it's not. That shit's glued to his head. That shit was too perfect. We in the hood, we used to Yeah, that is a perfect line.

1:02:51 i bought this from a costume store because i um i did uh it's so fucked up how i started doing it And I was like, yeah, this guy needs a wig. one-man show, I just started wearing it. bro i can't bro i'm again i want i want to uh i want a purple one oh i swear why not yeah i gotta Please bring that back. I got WTF tonight But I fly back on the 30th.

1:05:03 Oh, that's right. Come on down, And, man, it was sad as fuck. You felt like the deterioration I think L.A. They were telling me The The actual numbers Armenians have great last names though Man, that makes me sad, man. That means I'm going to have to Everyone's run by business people. And it was a real fortunate turn of events that, like, I came back in 2014, and Mitzi

1:08:24 they needed a way to make a lot of money, The comics would be making most of the money. That's what happens. come get come see them and they want to sell a lot of tickets yeah and they want to make a lot There's a lot of shit. I don't know, man. And I said, nigga, I'm not about to walk down the street. forever. No, it's a gig. Just don't be a criminal because a lot of because a lot of times those those uber drivers do other shit

1:12:36 don't know what percentage they make like if it costs 20 to go somewhere how much does the driver Depends where you are. I don't want to get anybody any ideas. Yeah, I'm like, does shit like that happen? I remember I read a story about this woman. Oh, yeah. It could be that, too. They get in a ride home and they start vibing with the driver. sued lyft um 30 it says but drivers especially rough with the 19 of uber drivers and 30 of

1:16:15 Just over 3,000 reports were nine murders and 50 people killed in crashes. one of the things that was happening But when I was working in New York City, it was like, I guess I lived there. They'd get only cash. One of the most dangerous jobs in New York Yeah. But I remember cabs were really scared to pick people up. So that's when I remember. thousand dollars yeah or it could be patrick bateman. Someone could fucking kill you for no reason, just for a fun time.

1:19:24 But people would yell at you and you're like, Jesus, man, I'm a human being. You don't even know me. man i just really creeped out some creepy shit happened to you no nothing happened to me but Oh. It's real easy. Yeah. reputable company and they seal the bag and everything it's like postmates and shit like Yeah. So that means that they need to make more than that in order to have any profit, right?

1:22:15 their business rolling and so that's how Craig handles it you know and their their that restaurant for years and yeah then they'll deliver your you know you order some chicken The thing I don't like about them is that people treat them so bad, to me when i let my daughter use it and she's flying down my driveway with i'm like that thing So my daughter used that.

1:24:36 and like i want to get there quicker yeah get on that scooter buddy of mine who got arrested for dui and he he had a little tube that he had to blow into before he could start his car. It would take a little bit of time. that might be a california thing yeah the regulations here are very different oh okay i shoot this gun joe you'll be fine all right. You wear headphones, so you block out the sound.

1:27:15 Oh. Why do people I'm so crazy. That's when you really like this Oh, that's what I saw it in. Yeah. Yeah. didn't make it how long was there together and they and a long time like 10 years can i ask you Crazy pussy is the best pussy. they're ridiculous lips yeah like all those crazy girls that stuff shit into their lips actors ever john voight john voight's out of his phone that's her dad yeah that's her dad yeah they

1:30:21 They'd pretend they were these people. Well, I think they were and shit on the red carpet I kiss my mom on the lips. You know, tell her I love her. But her dad, John Voight, is like a full-on Trump supporter. Have you ever heard him talk? My fellow Americans, this is the beginning of many disappointments I will not sit here and talk about the left because I have,

1:33:01 OK. I didn't know. Kamala Harris is vice president and I think. So I wonder. And then my memory is like definitely like slightly What it's been shown to do, If you go to onnit.com, you can read all that shit. I'm going to leave with some of that. Yes. anything for you but those people are never athletes. What is Shilajit? S-H-I-L-I-G-J-I-T or something like that.

1:37:46 feel sharper when i take them really i'd rather take pills i'd rather take like healthy or thing like healthy pills and shit like that not know like the effects but just know that it's should eat healthy you should get most of it from food but you should also get Do you take all your vitamins together or do you do them two at a time? again. I have a different

1:40:05 But he has this principle that the idea behind it, they call it greasing the groove. and that way you do it easy so it's easy to do and then let it sit and then take a long time in you will do less work if you push too hard now granted some people don't have the time to work So you might get 20, 30 repetitions in. Farmers are always like chucking hay barrels and shit.

1:43:08 but I'd be like, you know, I like do this shit know how you like hang on a bar to like stretch your muscles and shit like that i do i do a lot because they're not really lifting weights. weight vest oh look at you look at you you're right i do with the timbs on in the way in the don't you don't see now see this now you just said something interesting right you see this one yeah right okay so so that right bro i was doing that shit with a uh with a 45

1:45:32 Well, if you work out hard, you could hurt yourself no matter what. seeing that one with the rope that has the ball at the end of it and they stand by a wall and they They're good. What are you doing, Jamar? So no one taught you how to do it? and joe people think that i people think that i'm like i'm just playing but i am drop dead serious Well, if you come out here, you can just work out at the haunted gym.

1:47:40 Yeah, man. Yeah, they just moved here. I'm here for a reason into comedy yeah i was already on sitcom i just got i got so lucky oh okay i'm the luckiest bitch that's Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, Yeah. what i think that's one of the reasons why like like early in like earlier in the years like i What's that like? I need to ask him if that's true. Tim Allen.

1:52:19 Yeah. me opportunity and stuff i was like you sure like have you have you seen this shit i do and stuff joke you've gotta you gotta get rid of that joke yeah that joke you gotta stop saying but once you We all give each other advice. And again, I'm not like Well, if The Tonight Show was smart, they would allow that shit bro people start paying attention thank you yo you said it

1:55:14 He's got a trained parrot. That's most of what that show is. set up for commercials yeah you can't swear you can't talk crazy you can't do anything wild you Where are my children going to go to school, Jamar? to be free enough to you know It's a half-human, half-dinosaur. video on Instagram? birthday party. Oh my my god this is so That's a gif. It's stupid.

1:58:35 Oh, fuck. What, the other day? and um and so we had to come up with um so we had to come up with a character and stuff like that so And then so he was like, all right. and then I'm gonna play a dinosaur it just came through like play, a year. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. In this episode, Dino's go back in time to meet his biological parents. That's my friend Jeffrey Bollinger.

2:01:18 Oh, my God. wow that's what made the wave fun and I was up there like, ah! that's my Tuesday if you want to know, i was 16 i um i did this stand-up comedy competition uh for bet called like coming to the stage it was Yeah, because I didn't have a toy to share. and I was at the like, yeah, man. was like why don't you just go to like an open mic or something like that i was like oh is that

2:04:27 as a person or whatever like they help you find like your inner clown you know you know i'm saying And then it dawned on me. but he's like really sensitive about the art of being a clown. i mean so that sounds fun so i would just come and i would do like a physical act or whatever And I remember I like hopped backward like a kangaroo and shit like that.

2:07:18 But the maroon Doc Martens don't? You've taken stand-up classes before? I had never memorize that shit and they could pull it off as good as any fucking actor there's people out there with talent they just don't even know it And I was just looking at it and I was like, damn, isn't it crazy how that guy is in the same profession as Denzel Washington?

2:09:17 You know, there's chefs who they make a steak and you eat it and you're like, God damn. Hidden Gems. You would think he's a fucking actor and he's not Oh, yeah. Sort of. People who have figured out how to act. But there's levels to poetry. It doesn't work. The easiest. i go what is it he's like there's a poetry reading near my house i'm like oh my god i'm there yeah

2:13:23 up there and i went up there and i was like um and i had a wagon i had That would be a great way to do it. Nigga, your mama. I mean, who else would come up here? They would get upset if someone was dirty before them. Jamie's furiously scrolling. had just got like a gang of fucking followers okay this is what the fuck this is what the mozzarella hot dog with bacon on

2:16:36 and i tweeted if i lose this election i'm gonna go live in a train car in london you know and then like the president. But that's ridiculous. That doesn't make any sense at all. So I heard a little bit about it. Let's just buy a bunch of this stock and jack that price up. theater stocks and then and so then this app called robin hood which is an app which which is

2:18:47 They can't buy it. So that's what's going on. be able to do it. That's a very good, simple way to describe it, yeah. a person, Sagar's on the right Because the shutdown happened, I think people's attention was like, spike he like bitcoin to his info i think his bio and also that gentleman who's running for he was with Google or with Facebook? In fact, you're the client. And what you are is you're the product. And they pretend that

2:22:41 I don't know anything. But it's like a Ponzi scheme. there's contracts which i think it just happened because the market just closed something a retail investor gets to do and this has funds do get to do that's what was happening And then he got into the stock market. drinking yeah and uh telling me he's in the stock market now i was like you're you're a stock you're

2:25:46 I'm like, you're a stockbroker? But then I'm also like, nigga, what are you talking about? Do you think that the stock market's broken now? Is copper in batteries? Right. It's called Duracell, the copper top. Oh. to make batteries so you'll all people will always buy batteries that's true yeah there's copper and and Giovanni Ribisi, I can't think of right now.

2:27:26 Well, that was one of Bernie Sanders' ideas. one cent off of each individual sale and speculation. If you're not willing to pay a small portion of it, like a percentage of a cent. Yeah. Are they? Fountains are eaten up. going around in circulation. Like when you go to the places I've never tapped. What's your high score? There's a trick to those punching machines.

2:30:43 Yeah, I'm not like a brute. And I was like, the ball was deflated and they didn't have a pump. Because I was kicking it. But my heel, after I hit it, was bouncing off the back of the machine. about this arcade game i drew it i drew it and i was just fucking around it was just an art piece So you can pick OJ. You play it. You know, they think, like, you're going to encourage people to go do that.

2:33:40 Yeah. That way Oh Where you can't pretend Now, why is this person dressed up like a prisoner? So they're showing you how to do it. Yeah. There's some people that are going to be happy. Stop making fake cool shit. You should wear three masks. They're wearing two masks now. a culture of bacteria. It's inside the way, not to diminish his reputation as a doctor and a person of medicine,

2:36:50 there a disease comes along that fucking kills everybody do you want to hear some gross shit do those ashes have aids on them right how does that affect the beluga wells right would you get I think it's probably two scientists. right so they're just cremating someone maybe that's not good enough for the aids virus maybe to see if, like... Oh, yeah.

2:39:50 I'm like, you're a bum. Personally, yeah, like four people. He said, my back kind of hurt. started like doing those uh apartment shows and shit people were like, well, I'm not going to. Now, I actually took an antibody test. Well, that doesn't mean you definitely lose your taste. The people that I know that have gotten it, every one of them, like one of my got it she was no sickness at all she didn't feel a thing yeah chapelle didn't have any

2:42:15 It had nothing to do with the show. was supposed to be on the friday show friday and saturday and then thursday they were there to do Huh? Okay, we had an antibody test that we did yesterday. if you maintain your health, I don't like that. taking that motherfucking vaccine yeah but apparently she faints whenever she gets a needle He was doing heroin.

2:44:45 That's what happened to mitch hedberg mitch hedberg was in the hospital at one point in time because with the next joke and he wrote constantly constantly writing he was brilliant man just It's the best. Great to see you again. Yes, sir, man. Thank you for And my Instagram is Jamar underscore neighbors. Appreciate you. Bye, everybody. Bye, baby. Got a podcast, got everything. You're a hilarious stand-up comic. Thank you so much, John. I really appreciate your time. Appreciate you.