Joe Rogan Experience #1606 — Ali Siddiq Transcript

Transcript

0:00 the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day a comic to do bad because i just thought i just started i maybe maybe four months in and the guy And if you're 25 years in and you're not doing well, like something, you've taken a turn the wrong way somewhere. And I'm like he please be terrible If that counts as... house shoes like right in the way and he didn't see him in the bone right how old is he he's 10

3:52 Well, it's a bitch-ass limb. you chip that little piece but yeah yeah well you know forehead yeah yeah that's why head butts work right but little bitch ass toes Jamie was saying that if you lose your pinky you lose or something we required a lot of like shifts and right, you'd probably be fucked. I have daughters. But I don't know about pinky toes.

6:10 No. Without your thumb, yeah. So, like, the thing it's connected to. That makes sense. I've done that. I'm working on it. It just be awkward? yeah all right i just But I kept fucking up my toes. like each toe to move individually, But my knees was like, yo, I don't care what you put on them, fam. We ain it did you see the Tom Segura dunk no you didn't see what happened no oh I gotta show you

9:32 he's armed he's armed His arm. His arm. But that's not even regular basketball. So, Regular shooting. So, Like, yo, I'm like, see? I intentionally put on cowboy boots In dress shoes. Like, why do you know where L.A. Fitness is right now? You know, that's what he had in his car. First of all, there's. to this okay let me tell you what happened okay we were

14:06 told Dre, I said, hey, man, one of these on stage. I'm trying to figure He was like 300. You can get some dress shoes that have bottoms that are rubber. This is vacation I don't think she was 8 She's like, this is the ocean. I'm like, she's on the swim team she's like why are we concerned she's on the swim team she's like this is the ocean i'm like she's a swimmer and she's like no so i look and my daughter's like

16:33 And I was letting her know, like, you got to understand tides. But occasionally, it just sucks everything out. dude like how big was that guy he was huge that can't swim that probably drowned a damn teaspoon of water like i was sitting there like It's a weird thing. Yeah, of drowners in the United States. Really? This is the thing. doesn't have patience how to swim.

20:53 something and figure it out and the pool is a weird one because like you can die in there it's in it but yeah but you get hit in the head and go under you get it under remember when remy warren right into the pool right and I'm and I'm just I'm walking I'm walking by the i think i'm over protective to the point i don't think you can be really over protective i just

23:14 considering how fucking stupid so many people are. most part most days you drive home, you don't see shit. But they can figure out how to drive. sometimes people say well the youth can't teach you things most of the things i remember when i made um in in this deep like sometimes people say well the youth Like, oh, I thought we were. we were playing softball and i don't even remember what it was all about but i remember he got like

26:35 forearms he's always scooping ice cream it was i remember thinking i wasn't even mad at the kid You think I'm going to forget that you're the guy who told me to forget we ever met? It's over. His mom was just like a little of a mess. are you gonna say to the pills are definitely mixed if you break up with someone yeah but you episodes of good times i've never seen james J.J. and Michael to do this one.

29:22 She's a crazy person. my mother up, it was like, I used to watch this cartoon. My mom, off of the cartoons. anyway, I'm over 40. Right now you So it's like the weekend coming. He was like, you do know you have to be at work. you have an idea of what it was going to be and then once you started doing it like oh what Like, this is live. got into it So the first one I did was I was

33:52 I wasn't even alive in 66. just want this five minutes and you guys do this every day i would fucking hang myself right So I need to, what I need to do? This is like breaking news on your show. at oh since oh nine oh no it's this is a this is a well or machine because I've done I've tried to do it myself and all you had to do was show up a boss. This is

36:28 and you and you as soon as you said it holly you doesn't want to ball i'm like he is he knows me Actually, the end of December, January. So it's been a month, one month. I bet that's boring as fuck. yeah let's talk to Funky Larry on the side That's a good deal. That's a long time. I don't like most of what I'm hearing. They'll sue you. is so wonderful and most of my friends life is the same as mine because we can call each other in

39:55 I said, what time y'all going? like hey have it like they had 3 30. i'm like oh so y'all gonna be doing having margaritas why you I think that's most of my material. I just got got stabbed in the ass because we told him not to go. He pushed it's so much to the story So I'm like, oh. the thing with with that we grew up thinking that men are so from that point on, I was like, no, the hospital

43:27 on did he just put on some jeans like i didn't see no other process i didn't see nothing else A baby's arm with an apple in its fist? They look like two grapefruit in an old lady's pantyhose. And it's like I said, I He ate like four of them. in there and he's like like no you fucked up I got you I got you I'm like I'm like no I don't I don't think and I'm like I'm like no I don't think and I'm looking at Lee

46:19 this is what people And I'm like, I told myself, I'm going to eat it. I'm staying at the Lowe's milligrams that's too much I've seen joe eat four of those four thousand milligrams like it's nothing two more stars of death and throws them and i'm like no he goes like so he almost had a panic attack like yo crazy i love it i remember when um during his podcast and he found out that i actually knew

49:27 for years. So he would, Mo So, Moses would be downstairs and with colbert I'm like, huh? And the buffet is a huge ass buffet. if this buffet with the buffet, you wouldn't fucking go eat the buffet. Because if it was penis with the buffet, at Moses one goddamn time randomly talking Like, he has no idea why I'm even mad. that you didn't have to change.

53:01 But I want it. And, you know, it's things that as an adult, you know why you don't, you understand why you don't get it. in that particular space. You understand the business better. and be easy it's better better and who wants to be around like yo you see him right there you know i it's a long road and you're seeing these other people get ahead of you and you're like

56:09 was like oh okay i've got a bad mindset here i have a bad i've fallen into a trap the trap is And if you're around funny people you get funnier and that's the thing about weird little small communities you know you been very pissed at me in both spaces i don't i don't always find that la cameras are strong remember coming to the improv and they asked me how long I was gonna do I was

58:51 I know Jay Phillips was coming on after me. I'm like, no, I live in Houston. to actually get it tight. use this word or go there. That's if I'm like, okay. that's my part fucking being weak as shit right now and i'm now i want the strongest people. Like if somebody hosting or featuring for me And I didn't come up in an environment like that. good advice that's very good advice that's the worst thing when someone tries to jump right into

1:02:51 Because I'm still. How I deal with people in my particular career of this whole household. Your audience is like, say, who the, I've heard an audience ask somebody, And my man is like, yo, where is the fucking Mexican guy on Boots guy? I'm like, about time you get your drink. That place is the worst. I got to get out of here. It was like, oh, my God, what am I seeing here? But from, like, 99 on, I just started bringing opening acts.

1:06:19 It's weird. club where you work at hey because i'm in this position i'll twist somebody's arm to get you to host GMs have explained to me like who may have been doing cruise ships or colleges And then I want somebody to hang out with that I know. Like, Diaz was a murderer. And then he's out of gas, you know. get a hold of this is the beeper days joey i would call his pager and his fucking it was useless

1:10:19 trussell and i bring you know whoever could make it and then i would bring joey diaz and if joey I think... wish I had developed I'm out here on vacation with my family, my people from here. room for three hours. It's like I've been squatting He has his feet crossed in the chair. like quite sure this is what he's in because he's a shirtless barefooted man so this is probably

1:13:25 the life I've never been thought about it for and I'm like this is why he's It was literally a rumor going around. It was like I was on a to where it's not black and white anymore. fucking finna go out here and destroy everybody around me and be the only center of light and i'm i'm not in that space Once you do a theater though, I don't know who that is, but let's see.

1:17:09 truck yes how crazy is that they got hit on tuesday they was back open friday were they really good Huh? He said it was great. in denver for a long time too because she has a whole tier system of open micers and she brings You've got to develop local talent. It's a weird thing. I was so anti that, somebody to see i'm like well i'm not doing it And I would only hear, your greatness is going to be judged by Bill Hicks.

1:21:16 to get in this realm? Ralphie, Then it was, it became Ruchon McDonald because he was with, he was with Steve Harvey, producing stuff with Steve. Like, they would literally maybe more so than they even were stand-up bits. And I think whenever you have a one like this is my special. thought about things in a way like explain things he had logic to him and so this girl was like

1:24:34 the level of the room he played above that he played to his own level like what the things yeah bill they say iraq has the third largest army in the world it was well after the first two because richard jenny had just been there and it was it was on Sunday that I came down. And the guys that were there on Friday and Saturday would go, dude, he did a different hour every show.

1:26:26 Like, I got you. He committed suicide. before i get to where he's at. And so. And then I started looking at all this like when people way later, but Lucille Ball was Back in the day, he was a murderer. Like, how you do that? Because I hadn't got that ever when I got off stage. Some people don't want to think about shit. the course of the day because now i got this perspective where i can be interesting i can be

1:31:53 I've laughed, but I thought more than I laughed. think about the sacrifice I made. He didn't force anything. He wasn't like, he wasn let them drag out. He would let you think about them. He didn't force anything. filthy he's like he walked in anything fucking immaculate he said no some dust over there on She takes her finger and she goes on the TV I'm like,

1:34:21 Oh, he's this way. Paul Mooney, it's like I was I was like, my man, that's why you bring people with you in order to do that. It's like, we friends, I said, if you say one more word to me, Paul, I'm like, I'm never. palm on you three years later austin we're booked at the paramount theater and my door's open and leans back fucking high Ali because i was just starting out man i was on six years in a comedy when i came to the comedy store

1:38:53 Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! there was no one in that room it was literally Richard Pryor Go count the room. every night I would get off and I would have to walk past him. You know what I'm saying? The night that I knew that I had turned the corner with him, I said, what was that? That's not bad. from someone who's established, all the different people and the different influences no one can teach you how to do it it's so open-ended you just got to figure it out

1:42:56 And I just happened to ask a question. Are they saying it's good or bad? For some strange reason, there are no new comics on Clubhouse. teach you what i do i can't teach you the whole spectrum of comedy because Because it's, I can't teach you how to be you. I think it's like being a chef. differently. I think the told us not to do with comedy. just started this is fucking trial and error it's the stool hasn't always been in the right spot i've

1:47:18 wedding parties anywhere near the front of a stage. Oh. She's getting married. Like, how do they not know that it's a comedy show First of all, This is not your birthday. But I don't give a fuck about my birthday. You ever had this? So you know I was in the fucking Navy, right? Then she started breaking them down to 25 as she stopped. But it's like, she came back from the Navy.

1:50:22 My sister was like, no, just know I'm home. I'm like, I can't fucking run 15 seconds. I mean, though, she was coming from San Diego. Are you a fucking SEAL or something? that thing i think she wanted to submit me i remember my friend got submitted by a girl no by a dude a Little white boy's finna fuck you up out here. fucked up it's called the college you know some dudes do that to their ear on purpose just so people think they're badass.

1:52:42 It's weird when somebody don't even know what that means. Ears and necks. I obsess on dudes' necks. weights too like bench press and curls. A lot of those guys that do like those uh playground You're wearing sweatpants for a reason. i haven't had some underwear this low since bikini drawers was out. I'm like, yo, this son look good, man. I'm like, do I have any pictures of

1:56:16 going to be a whole different ball game that's what i would say too if i had a son until he I have what they call father strength, You think it's in the hands, it's in the legs You're an older man at this point. I've rolled with 18-year-old kids that were gorilla strong. Then you remember what fucking Larry Holmes did to me. And it was like, okay. He had him down, and it went to a 10 count.

1:59:12 You got dropped. sometimes they do and sometimes they count quick too sometimes they don't like you they count quick it's angles and it's slips Like, Delahoye wanted to come out of that corner. got there with skill and hard work and discipline and clean living like there's some guys that make coming back and then everybody he might do it. children are, I was

2:02:26 And he is a he he was a huge with a punch he With a punch. Oh, Kaepernick? Kaepernick. He was I love that fights came on regular tv back then he was He missed. and somebody coming at you, Ali just won. to cover it. And then on top of all the boxing matches that just in the matrix. He was untouchable. He had a moment where his highs were so high it was just a matter of time it was a matter of him finding out your rhythm in the beginning of

2:06:18 I was a fan of his before he got to the UFC, too. And then the UFC caught him right when he had reached his peak. And Anderson just picked his spots. chuck liddell was way bigger than i thought when i saw him in vegas he was just he was just Like, I didn't think he was going to be that big andre johnson um the receiver i didn't think he He wasn't a big dude.

2:09:05 Pilates is hard. That was one of the things he did, was Pilates. Killed a guy in a fight in Russia. Didn't. like long before Canelo got to him, you know, and right now might be the best fucking guy in boxing. because everybody thought Lomachenko was pound for pound number one, switch hitters he can switch Very, very skilled fighter. It's a lot of people that's really good on the ground.

2:12:34 up. Like the Kell Brook fight. career the guy's been hit hard maybe four times over 50 fights really in trouble maybe four times And I think what Floyd does to dismantle someone is the damn training. need to rest and all this other shit is like's like, yo, this is his natural time. never never gets out of shape and he'll he'll like people think it's funny he'll

2:15:21 became more of a defensive guy right because he broke his hand so many times you go back to the But then a little bit later, he's fucking Shane up, and Shane can't do shit to him. And you're like. You're paying to see someone fuck him up. I just don't want the fucking Cowboys to win. I just hate them. The most money I think I ever made No, no. He was levels above everybody and learned it from the time he was a baby.

2:18:03 I know Sugar. But no, there's so much going on. You think you know how to talk. black people's agenda with trump when he was talking to trump so it's an administration where And Roden was like, okay, so he asked Ice Cube, Which one of these steps came from your agenda? and say, man, I'm an artist. understand before you try to give somebody the goddamn agenda for what black people you might

2:21:34 into political discussions Too many yeses. city where he was supposed to do everything that was to the black so they in an interview and Killer Mike I'm like stupid now like now You're telling a white guy to tell another white guy that you can't talk to him because he's fucking white. I'm going to do the interview, I'm going to do the interview and I don't have time to tell him,

2:24:42 now you've made this shit stupid. I'm just going to play along and sit here. um, Somebody else read it for you and told you what to sign and, you know, made black kids go to college with different world in order to say those things because he this point when it comes to our kids you 28th in math you 29th in science you 36 in reading q anon yeah q anon like they don't even know who q is not they've abandoned that they abandoned it

2:29:35 can ever possibly provide as a service is education of the young people. Give them a chance to look But that's only one of the problems, right? pumping in all the stimulus money to all these businesses and trillions of dollars Invest in the most important thing, the most important commodity of a country should be its citizens. And feel like you're a part of something.

2:32:16 And, you know, you actually know me from this neighborhood. is because these cops are not from this neighborhood it's hard it's hard for me to do something to you when i know your parents right i know you i know your family i grew up So when you have that, I've been in positions So how are we going to work this out? I've been in that position because the people that's police in my community are from the community.

2:34:50 if people are fucking sick? to the meetings because life i think the dialogue has to be countrywide i think part of the thing is look, imagine – this is what I've said to people that oppose all ideas of any democratic socialist idea. That would be crazy talk. it's like when you get sick, you should be taking care. and i'm like what i didn't know that i thought hospitals were like we pay for the hospitals i didn't i didn't think

2:37:40 shouldn't contribute to other people's health well what are we doing then we're contributing well how many of them are private 21 percent 20 percent or so are state I don't know. Like your, about education the same way i feel about health care like if we're contributing if we're paying Well, is it that hard to give them that care? You don't think that would be better for the whole country?

2:41:12 And at least 1% of them are out of their fucking minds. Do you understand? and said to my friend We ain't even I just turned to Big Hoo. You know how many of those dudes are going to go to jail forever? Yeah. doing here and the guy's i'm just gonna take a picture up here shirtless by the way when you And he's doing it completely selfishly. Unfortunately

2:44:59 That when you And what brought that to my attention, I remember my dad. A rock? You could have told me he he pulls it up and like look this man made oh i'm like oh just a rock it's just a This is not like a basketball or a bicycle or a fucking Frisbee. You can give it. You can't. he doesn't know then you get a certain level of people like oh i thought he knew and then a certain

2:48:01 You know what you're talking about when you met George Foreman's kids And there's not a lot they can do about that. The evolutionary branch, I'm like down here. He are just like another thing. You and me are not. Some people are just dumb, man. out there voting they're out there driving cars they're doing the same shit we do they go to the You do know that there's other existence out there.

2:50:23 real thing i've seen him in person he's definitely a real thing i saw him at i've seen him he's a real thing i see him in person he's definitely Wait a minute. Pell Grants. in the in the course of giving you this money it's a it's the most still some more shit i want you to stop saying anything That sounds insane. that sounds insane that sounds literally insane but just think about it yeah there's american history and then there's black history month where we are in right now there's american history

2:52:52 Like, what happened? for the fact that they understand and appreciate that america was founded with slavery and it was be pissed about that some people are pissed about that it is kind of ironic a month. And the only reason that it's it was their birthdays in February. Yeah, unfortunately, it's the shortest month of the year but if i didn't have it if you want to see black people

2:55:58 you are indigenous people my kids school they they do not say Columbus Day. Indigenous People Day. How come you didn't tell me then? don't bring me any gold watch this everybody chop a dude's arm off and and and murder him and then say bring me fucking gold like they did horrible shit there was a This is like historically documented accounts by eyewitnesses.

2:57:44 It's documented. Columbus did this with gold. they i think the people who put him on the boat was trying to fucking kill him like yo you are so comply, as Columbus's son Fernando reported, were punished by having their hands cut off in order to test the sharpness of their blades, These aren't new documents that they just found they land in the virgin islands or something that's where they i think the virgin islands was first our history is filled

3:01:43 because they were getting people to trip amanita muscaria the amanita muscaria is a shiny red mushroom with white patches on it. the 1970s called The Sacred Mushroom and the Cross by a guy named John Marco Allegro. that was also, he wasn't a religious person anymore. And what it really was about was the consumption of psychedelic mushrooms and fertility rituals,

3:04:33 i'm getting the book i'm way too dumb to know if it's right or wrong and i'm way too dumb to know like every primate tests things to see if you could eat it, that's the whole thing yeah i think that's the part that people miss You're just attributing things to him. it was the best way to control them. tell you who Constantine is. Hey, what we don't need them to know is Mary had a miracle birth.

3:07:31 They go into that because You know something? I think it was like in June or some shit. Not from the story I read about Easter. the protection like like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, so okay everybody's gonna pray one direction then the next day he get a um he get a revelation hey change the direction of the prayer and everybody who was with him because they was jews and they

3:10:06 So you had to do this. This wasn't even a part of prayer I don't like it, but it's very funny. You can have a whole argument with somebody about what is innovation, yo, burn in hell forever so you don't want that I think you think people need that I need to see somebody's shit in their hand and know that I'm cool. It's only based on how I feel like being affluent.

3:13:30 100%? Like, you can't be in high school and just say, I identify with females, not take any hormones and compete on the girls' track team. i'm juana man yeah i'm fucking juana man that's that's a loophole i'm crossing this shit over we live in a society where domestic violence is is. But I know it's going to be some slick-ass dude that's going to be in a domestic violence situation.

3:15:22 I'm identifying as a female. And people are like, yes, queen, you go. But if you're talking to a dude You got to have room for crazy. They are a real thing. They're a real thing. You got to always have to fucking crazy they are a real thing they're a real thing Hey, we're going to do this. I'm a rational person. reform reform all the different things then 320 million people and at least one percent of them

3:18:43 I don't think he's the guy with the antlers. I thought I was going to go down in history. Charles, What if they stormed in Like, is that your, is that your assignment? You in there hollering, where's Pelosi? there that they they don't know what they're doing with their life when something comes up dude i'm telling you i think this is it i think we're gonna fucking take back this country

3:21:58 How? everything that's wrong and we got to take this back and that and you hear it talk and rant and rave you're like oh my god she's a crazy person who's a crazy person it's like full-on unemployed. So first of all, I'm not in any groups with my mom. like, yo, just in case, you're there with your parents like i'm sure there was probably kids at that rally they really did believe it

3:24:33 and they shot her. I think he was restroom like they probably freaked out they couldn't believe they're in wait you get into I'm like, I damn sure would have been And they're running towards him We had an Oculus at the old studio. And it be like, it just be like, it just go. alright and you trying to run the Oculus that Oculus I'm waiting to play Star Wars.

3:27:12 with the the machine and i was like i'm tired like this is crazy like this is a real workout and just barely talk to me. like right now this is pretty fucking doing because he would go in Jurassic World, And he, it's crazy. And, you know, I get into certain things. I'm like, look at this lady. that's getting sucked into electronics like Like electronics are, you're just sitting there.

3:30:20 I think we're like the generation that kids are growing up in right now with our kids. This is the first generation really that, you know, roughly, out and on the oculus it's a thing that you can go and literally visit another place and actually the thing with my because everybody that's 40 and over know how to actually have a dialogue and consider the table

3:32:29 Yeah. Hey, what's going on like my my kids are i think my children have a good balance because i take everything and then we i garden so that's the Eating tomatoes off the vine And she's not coming back in. Can I eat it if you want to? a different parent than people that's younger than me Two hours of sleep, and I don't have time for you to be making no goddamn mistakes.

3:34:47 and I fell down it's mama like you you wake up and your neck like it'll fix itself like you to the hospital I decided we're on the treadmill together treadmill. It's like curved out of there. mom comes home what's wrong with his finger i say oh you know i caught him in the treadmill She's like, finger right there, that was the finger back in there and go take your

3:38:13 He said, not only did it increase my love, or someone you don't realize how much feeling you have like you get happy when they draw I look at it like how my friend broke it down to me about me liking Marvin Gaye. You listen to his music. I look at my kids and be like, Chanka, And I hear her feet. like you, she'll let Yeah. But it's a different experience.

3:42:14 And can be fixed up. So once I go inside, from 19 to 25, I have no relationships with women. do this and he's a fucking he he don't say much he he doesn't know how to I'll hit you in your fucking mouth. same shit you said to him to say to me say to me say that shit to me say don't just say something But you're still fucking wrong. Because none of the things in here are personal.

3:46:40 I'll hit you. Like, I'm in and out of relationships, And I'm just happening to go last. Okay, yes. It's a real good way of looking at it. I didn't think it was good enough. It's a real good way of looking at it. Right. Right. You want to be all these things. Really? I think that's a huge thing. I did this this is Yeah. I'm trying to count them all.

3:51:45 to me is easier then I go out I start working it If I was doing a special, I'm just thinking about how much time do I turn over my material, But that wasn't the case with the guys before us. and I looked at Richard Pryor's. Red Fox had a comedy club. before his actual albums that everybody knows about there's a bunch of them. They're available on YouTube. But before his actual albums that everybody knows about,

3:55:35 you know i mean how many like when this was the first comedy album released before that it was a bunch of guys that were told the same jokes. contemporaries lenny bruce was the first but lenny bruce was the first to sort of be a social critic You saw that video. Short stories. would you sell even how would you even know that it was any good and then they came in on radio just brought you into the brought you into the station and like hey just do some jokes that's

3:59:08 He said, who got the most albums? kings don't fucking do gestures yeah gestures are not fucking comics he couldn't be sarcastic I can't hear about one more discussion about goddamn social media stars. get people to pay attention to you and some of them are just really stupid like some of it is Don't call yourself a stand-up comic you're not a stand-up comedian

4:01:49 Okay, I don't think... anything other than doing stand-up and then you bring that audience of comic It's just not the same art form. they just came from And you in Pusan. My room, then the prostitute's room, Osan or something tomorrow. I still had a backup mushroom question. oh okay um did you just find stuff to eat. But then there's other ones that look real similar to edible mushrooms but they'll fucking kill you

4:06:14 If it's growing on manure, it might be the right ones. kind of close it's two different i've figured out that it's two different ones it's the ones who showed me how people DMs because I'm on You woke up. That's why I'm like, damn, his fucking daughter's on there. Ari this, Ari that. It doesn't make it right what he said, but he had the right to say it.

4:09:53 me and Ari got the same management So I'm going through all this. story from this is not happening. I was like, yeah. at first, but as when kennedy got killed and malcolm said chickens come home to roost bad timing I said what I said. I said, I can't defend both ends of of this and I don't think me and Ari has and he thinks it's funny to shit and he also loves when people get angry but he didn't understand

4:13:56 being a Nazi sympathizer and all kinds of crazy shit he's just he's out of his Other people's children are on that plane. because he was taking her to a game, because he loved her, because he wanted to be a good father. it's what he does even though people love Larry King. It's not your fault. doesn't what they're saying doesn't make sense then you have to defend some shit that doesn't

4:16:57 We're not doing goddamn cocaine together and going to teams. with the fucking moose antlers on his head It's going to always be somebody else you write uh jazzy black he ain't shit he's like fuck you too alexis smith Oh, man. Get a fucking podcast going, man. Tell everybody how to get a hold of you on social media and what your pages are and everything like that.

4:18:53 Appreciate you.