Joe Rogan Experience #1607 — Fahim Anwar Transcript

Transcript

0:00 the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day of looked like you yeah but i thought it was you okay well i just thought it was so funny i go is That's my real confidence in you. Look at him out Handsome bastard. Look at him out there, longboarding. about my day at my house, when someone sends you a really funny meme and you're like fuck I don't know who made this I

2:52 Oh, fuck. I guess I just thought it was so beyond my skill set that people would know that it's not me. I didn't know it was her. I think I posted it. You can't play the music, huh? A minute's too constricting. You have a respect for it. from my apartment a lot this is so bad it's so bad now i get it like when you're on tonight show And I go, no. taught him some martial arts moves

6:49 She played my ex-girlfriend So we had to practice for two weeks. that ever walked the face of the earth, right? he goes you gotta practice every day yes Like I don't think I'm the best dancer in the world, mean i'm just to illustrate a point let me be able to shadow a little bit of shadow you could tell He would move. oh poomsae and it's the same kind of thing like Kata. It's like you're doing forms.

9:29 I know how to use the techniques. you learn and and through that you can better kick things like these are these are this is a things are applicable really there's sometimes you would use those blocks but like you never But gymnasts and break dancers, break break dancers in particular are fucking amazing when they And then I got into middle school and high school and I loved breakdancing.

12:21 youtube so i would go to this website called Style2Oof, shop kind of and they would have vhs copies like breakdancing um videos and i would i got battle Because I fell off the, I just wasn't good at it and I would hurt myself. Yeah. That's what drew me to breakdancing. I saw videos and I'm like blown away. I said what the fuck I'm 90% sure he's Korean

14:46 oh, Dustin Poirier, I don't know. practice on a wrestling mat and then you know anything yeah how old are you now 36 shit breaks easier when you're 36. Yeah, what's the point? Yeah. I'm all right. It's again, it's like, I mean, it's not a useless skill, right? Because it's cool to watch. control there you go coach is wrestling as well um but his body control is excellent I feel like

17:53 thing in the world yeah and some people are like this is napoleon dynamite this guy sucks i'm not Do you have burner accounts? It can get confusing. my friend. Well, he bought a house. I've watched it a hundred times. Ugh times i can't stand stuff like that i don't like it but you know He played football. Oh, yeah. is they went for the 9-3. Good. I like fractured my wrist

20:35 at my friend's house. Like, Shout out to Foundation Cigars and put it on a mound and then put a bed sheet over it. I think they might have been there. And then one time when I went off, I think my hand went through all of the pillows, all it felt cool and healing and then once i could process the pain i was fine and then the parents It was like a fracture.

22:48 bones. It's kind of shocking. I did a milk commercial. Really? A long time ago? I did ago print ad back in the day for chocolate did you have the yeah yeah yeah Brooding. Yeah, they didn't give me some bitch-ass donald trump hands that's one of the funniest things like everybody on the left is like don't body shame don't body You sure shit on us a lot

24:28 not a goddamn thing they could do about it. Because if you have a micro dick dick and some dudes have a micro dick But on the right hand Jean-Jacques Machado it on his right hand that's the only time it's acceptable no one says shit about it because yeah this is too ambitious look at my chest i feel like i have to get famous enough before i i'd love schultz to death oh oh gosh he's faking coke they should do real coke. Maybe it is. I don't think so.

27:17 move to New York? Did you ever grow up on the East Coast? It gets tired. So I sent him this video today of someone took a grocery store in Florida. more open but you go into these places you know i went to anton's to check out kill tony and open-minded people. and shit yeah if you just go like to plano go to plano tech you're not gonna see any masks

29:36 want to be in a highly populated. I used to think about I've always wanted a 95 Land Cruiser. I'm like, this shit hits the fan. have to, like, literally live out of a truck. you you got plans for me just uh we gotta do this i'm day two day two day three in austin we're watching Al Franken I didn't even do anything he has so many shows the EPs of the show

31:55 but they just offered it to me. It's good to keep active. have so much respect for stand-up and the craft but i've learned even just having this job for must be good so you must be good right whereas if you're a guy who just kills in the or dude you know what I noticed Maybe we talked about it last time. But it was very contentious up top. yeah and I realized he wasn't opposed to comedy he just loves nine to five jobs he loves structure he loves structure he can wrap

35:08 Yeah. Yeah. everyone thinks you're delusional In music, I mean, think about the lawsuits in music where someone just takes a riff of Yeah. Excuse me? I kind of like the way it is. craft of stand-up is not appreciated the way constructing a song is or the way writing a book You write so much material just because it forces you to. and then we both He's lit.

38:35 And then I would, every now and then, I would come up with something. because you you there's Howie Mandel. What is that? He's a real person. go, it's all, you know, club comics and it sucks. credentials yeah well i'm on a television show you know i had a a blah blah blah comedy central Yeah, you have to do well. You can't just do East of Gower stuff. People want to be accepted because of their credentials.

40:55 Pull it off the top. It's hot. I don't think that's what you're supposed to smoke. that's true that's no knock on girls who actually like sports but i want to finish the thought on They were all at Meltdown. all because you're too funny thanks but that's kind of what i'm driving at where i want to be it breeds a very specific narrow band of comedy,

43:11 But so I got past when it was the dark ages at the store and I could take big I go, And I go, all right, can't stop dancing you know like Can't Stop-a-List There's the belly room and it's kind of dead. Like no comic turns down stage time. I'm like, yeah, okay. Like no comic turns down stage time. Or I mean, I'm like, I go, I got to do an accent. There's some cougars.

45:17 I'm like, what's up? with your friends or your brother it's a childlikelike laughter. You don't have to be like, oh, that's clever. It would fucking blow the room up. And then sometimes it'd be magical. It would fucking blow the room up, and then Lance dances for like a minute. and Lance is playing lacrosse. to that stand up on the spot, no net because and it's liberating because i'm a heady guy

47:30 fucking no because i would post it on instagram and youtube and shit you said that ah there you I think the store was the first time I saw you on stage as Lance. It might have been Burt. He's a really funny guy. Because, and even in the early days of developing Lance, Right. And then I never own up to it. Yeah. like anybody have any questions and and then it becomes fun because then the crowd it starts with

50:46 And a lot of the traditional Thai fighters get very upset by this because it's an important So instead of just, ladies and gentlemen, in the red corner, this guy named Koban. there's some uh some real static between you and the other fighter they'll like look at the other It's not like waiting to blast off into a cannon or yeah, them as much they're like growing but you can there's magic in those moments

54:25 How long ago? It's been, you know, back in the day there was, I think, big breaks like you do johnny and you're on hey yeah yeah yeah there are these singular moments that blast you off yeah and mine I respond to them and it means a lot. are they're like this guy funny trying to make me laugh like you paid all this money why don't prism and they're like i don't think you can use that term or i think it's offensive and

57:29 off the bus and i'm talking about these things right they don't see it as a performance it's it's the only thing that's also a challenge because there's a way to introduce these bits and It was a tricky beginning. And the thing is, the bit was people say that a woman can do anything that a man can do. and i go i go listen my i my favorite people in the world are women i have a wife and i

1:00:23 He opens it. There's a woman in there. And he tackles this guy. I'm like, oh, Jesus lady. in the time that we're in You know, when people get lit up, you're drunk and you finally, can I be offended? You can exchange. because it's performance, that you could perform a tiny desk concert thing. But then once COVID hit, because it was the only place to get up

1:03:55 and a lot of them just go no i don't want to do it like we can't get any bands to do the show Whereas comedians are like, yes. comics like stanhope yeah stanhope told me like i wanted him to go up in the or he's like fuck that Yeah. So it's the closest you can get to being an unknown back in the day. as a human being you don't you don't have this drop off where the world changes and the world

1:06:23 I just stay out of social media and i austin i go how do they know and then i find out that you mentioned it on a pod of funny people and help. We're on the outskirts. Yeah. it's been liberating. I always, how can I learn from this? when the pandemic hit, What can I do? with myself. IG, yeah. because I have taped sets from when I was at Comedy Works

1:09:53 all right, you're next up. you could hear jeff scott laughing in the corner and stuff jeff scott so sad yeah i miss him i miss he was like one of the first people I saw. without being a performer like obviously he did the piano but he had such great comedy instincts having like i had to hop in there. And it was so many people. and go to the back smoking area, and I'd always find Jeff Scott getting high.

1:13:09 he was he was so important man when he was gone I was like oh my no he heard as And play is such a big part. And I would get these harebrained And he was embedded in the DNA of the comedy store. of the comedy store because that place is notorious for no cameras, family and stuff to try to retrieve especially in a pandemic if you notice like the comedy stores

1:15:27 locked down and he was talking to me about a very specific bit and he was like i i just love how they can't go to the store every day so they don't know and it's almost like the online version is is You've already seen so much of their stand-up on television that it makes sense that they're there. like Martin Lawrence. You can see Adam Sandler. And that's, it's so refreshing to see that.

1:18:11 That they were just putting the time in. And have had enough data points where you know what to do in every situation. threw a bottle i've had a girl no not a glass threw an actual physical and they tried to be assholes people and there was this weird moment where like we're looking at each other and i go you guys are It was this weird moment where we're looking at each other.

1:20:39 And when I said, you guys are pussies, I go, you guys aren't tough guys. at me and i'm like oh you weren't even trying to hit me i go you're so scared i go you're this is because I said, look, this is uncomfortable. statistics you you do enough shows that's going to happen you're going to get that outlier who Like it'll blend in for me, I should have thrown their drink harder, but sometimes it's worth sacrificing your going to hear this podcast. Maybe. Fuck that guy. I should have thrown that drink harder.

1:22:52 with so many people Yeah. I hate those moments. Excuse me, sir. comedy store to being a professional to it's one of the reasons why i came back so i had to be there Yeah, it is. But part of the reason I do love the store I'll put the time in. together and Trip Lee crushed, Brent for us it was like yeah like writes philosophy books. and the people that are outside don't like it.

1:27:16 you think you deserve a level of respect, you know, in the industry that had lineups like that place where you would see jessel neck you know uh fucking whitney eliza and you thought this is going to be amazing, and make it bulletproof And he was the middle act and I was the headliner. He's funny looking. looked like such a douchebag and i i was so nervous i was so nervous because he crushed so hard

1:31:02 career from that and this is only like i was probably like four years in or three or four years in. those moments of painful failure are a gift in any aspect of your life whether it's stand-up comedy And I remember this manager coming up to me and goes, what the fuck happened to you? a lot of people avoid that yeah and they start coming up with external

1:33:30 Yeah, it's not beneficial to do that. I'm not growing anymore. I pretend I bombed during my last set and I just go over my material like I'm terrified. dedication like if I'm making i like maximizing my stage time knowing what type of show it is and what i want to do and there let's like squeeze this new bit in yeah yeah to always be doing that because i think of it

1:36:29 stand-up is all about addressing the reality yeah of the situation second by second yeah and you Like if you've got some crowd that's like really talky and loud right there and you're on stage 30 times you've done 30 nights in a row you've been working on this bit you got to pretend doing stand-up the ability to be nimble to go off script and on script is is huge that's why there's

1:38:57 But it's not about that. tell a friend how long they've been doing it sometimes yeah yeah but it but sometimes even But I think we have the luxury of doing it long enough where we go, our brain is wired a certain way where we go deeper. lessons i've learned from stand-up is uh it's almost more important than the jokes obviously I have this quote where I've created a word doc,

1:41:41 because you're on stage and such. Yeah. It takes the time it takes. Because on the East Coast, everybody's like, come on, come on, let's go. and immigrants because they all came on boats in the the fucking early you know 1900s and uh you and you look at the comics that came out of boston whether it's bill burr uh myself there's a lot of be tight and not be self-indulgent but i think there's a risk with early comics where they just

1:45:22 allotted time that you are allowed yeah because sometimes people Yeah. It's like, Chappelle is so great at this as well. I love just like hugging. Yeah. scrapbook i've had some conversations with comics or try to tell them they don't want to hear it And sometimes you get really attached to some of the work that you've created. so just because you have a great joke doesn't mean it belongs on the album so it's like a movie it's

1:49:12 before the audience knows what your point is. This is, in my opinion, It's a bit where it's so preposterous yeah like you're seeing a guy with a wig and a black eye cooking It's insane. It's in the moment. it's maybe 70% as good as actually being there maybe 60 so being there is It's exciting. there you look around you see these people they're really there you could walk up to that person and

1:52:38 bill hicks relentless he had a one set special one One set in a theater on HBO. He does one set and you can tell he's kind of tense. Murdered in this preposterous way. through a dirty windshield yeah i remember he'd come by the store and he's such a sweetheart man like i didn't know He didn't like a lot of things. That's kind of nice. I know you fucking love me, Joe Rogan.

1:55:01 How many people have gotten in weird disagreements with friends on Twitter? you ever seen that where two people are disputing shit on twitter like or Instagram or any of these things it's it's the refuge of cowards the way I have zero. So they're like, oh, shit. If you were in front of me and we were talking, you'd realize, like, I'm not a bad person.

1:57:14 There's something wrong, there's some underlying thing that leads to a lack of compassionate especially face to face with no audience right where you don't have to like perform to other it's not human. You, anybody can write something down in a text, We're constantly looking to like call people out, right? and then we all we all know crazy people and we're all like oh we all know people that blame

2:00:46 Really? of actual conversations. I used to have this bit because I saw the movie on a plane, these movies like Kyle. You don't know Gladiator? I haven't watched that movie. I didn't watch that. I mean I only have a cursory knowledge of it. I know. Johnny Depp, by the way, is probably the dopest Tonto of all time. good to go to that one of the center of john Depp with the white face paint. Come on, bro.

2:03:54 Like, I understand that there needs to be progress he was in a wheelchair no i think he just has like a prosthetic leg the thing is as woke as you want but I mean, these people are trying to recoup their money. That's bullshit. the way, but it was called Prom. play straight and everyone is USA. You're going obscure as fuck. And like people have said, why doesn't,

2:06:57 Well, in these TV shows, nomination for that role and so he's getting extra stuff for it extra stuff yeah i guess they don't want But who are these people? No matter what you mean i want to try this a bit but like the last frontier of heterosexuality in advertising is like It's like the last frontier of advertising where they keep it uber masculine well watches

2:09:11 But I like watches. yes that's a new james bond version uh the uh omega titanium watch super light but it's also like there's all these wheels the i want to i want to feel the gear i want to feel the i. I want to feel the, I push the left pedal down. There's a lot of other things. I like running on dirt. But you know what I'm saying? Yeah, it's going to be like the difference a tesla and a manual 1970 chevelle is gonna be the difference

2:12:47 I like swinging from trees and I like throwing some dude who crossed our imaginary line, and we kill him. I like drinking whiskey. I like opening doors i like i want to controversy and they they provide people with an enthusiasm and motivation there's all these Now everything is just so... We have to recognize what can we do to mitigate the dangers of this disease.

2:15:56 Like, fuck, man. And this is one of the most discouraging aspects they were they were very like open-minded left-wing people there i that it was all about free No. these fucking people understand what happens when you start censoring people we start saying things You have to have like a safety net in place. but i think sometimes there's bureaucracy attached to it

2:18:59 But when I made the decision to come out here, and they could watch TV. But for some reason, the city deemed that not allowable because the city outdoor shows in LA. because it was called sense they just have to keep their jobs and they have to give off they have to give off the I got a lot of juice. Yeah. smuggling drugs through the glass. That's what comedy in the glass yeah same thing i have

2:22:06 the two characters but back in the day you would look basic instinct No, there was like a sleepover. I had a crush on her when I was a kid. to Mm-hmm. I go, oh, fuck, I didn't know they were in this before that. But that's just time right Yeah Hashtag Tiger Blood. Yeah. They were hitting me up for the longest time to be like, yo, join cameo. and and yes we did just that.

2:25:17 Tune in. Greetings, good people of Planet Cameo. I will remain here. I will remain available. Yeah. Me neither. He's got like a post-it to try not to swear. I think Cameo suits like super characters. I don't know her as a stand-up. I opened up for Lenny. and I'm still good friends with Lenny and his brother Mike to this day. Don Gavin, the best guys.

2:29:07 And I opened up for him at this place, Jay's in Pittsfield, Massachusetts. cause it's so uncertain and you're so unsure to have somebody on the other It was amazing. And I had just left Boeing. nah you know the thing i've noticed about engineering especially if i think the people and being a manager or something. stuff. these institutions that that are embedded in who you were are gone and that's the standards gone yeah

2:32:47 who are on the other end of it who say something to you that like inspires you and and they're Marc Maron. him he and i had like a dispute at one point in time. And I said, I gave you so much slack for so long. When I was an open mic-er, I was like not even a year in. Didn't know what the fuck I was doing. podcasts that I like the conversation that i've had talking to him no microphone just in person they're they're

2:35:38 It was a different Tony. And once you know that things are going to be okay or whatever, And people that don't understand him, He might be the best. and i was crying i was crying and then afterwards we had a conversation he's like it felt so good trying to help the comic i don't try to tear them like i know her appearance i'm like i don't want to be a part of that but i'll watch yeah look i get there's an

2:38:45 Yeah. It's that. but I know people that are really good comics. you have to be as disciplined focus and energy and effort that you put into being good. saddest things is watching beautiful men like a really handsome perfectly chiseled man try to find of the gets i've been able to get girls i wouldn't i would not be able to have it as an engineer i There's girls who don't give a fuck about funny people.

2:42:40 really beautiful women that you know that are funny there's very few it's tough it's One of the things, stereotypes about beautiful women is that they're bimbos or they're dumb, right? you have perfect structure and our dna calls out to that perfect structure our dna wants that uh, or I would never encounter him in the real, And there's like a romance to that.

2:45:20 I knew her before she blew up. Where? And then she was talking about waiting to do a special and stuff. Like us on Minhaj. I think it might be bringing some people No. saudi arabia and when i saw that uh asan's show was pulled because of the the criticism of Saudi Arabia, I'm like, what? Netflix? I feel like there's too much There's going to be strings attached you know

2:48:00 but other than that Yeah, he's moving here March 1st. Annie Letterman is another one that I love her mind, man. about spotify layout though like as a fan you know i want to tune into the pod sometimes i find it They had never had a show. Where Elon's like, it's legal, right? And I'm like, oh no. We're talking about how people get a sense of who a person is without actually communicating with them without being

2:51:27 And people tune in because they want to tune in. standards it's like cnbc or these entities where you're just like a guy with a mic you know what Like, what's the difference? You don't have to notice. Just keep doing doing it even just doing my podcast because especially during the And even though this is conversational, it just wires your brain and you have certain pathways where you are comfortable formulating thought.

2:53:51 And also, I'm kind of an introvert. sometimes I do. So I'm going to, for sure it not just elevated my stand-up but but it elevated the way I think about things. I'm the most hypercritical person that I know I fucking hate everything I do I think what trolls don't understand is I don't love everything I do. some people like it some people don't but i took the swing and there it is and but i don't love

2:56:29 I want to figure out a way for Spotify And I can't read them. you fight orcs yeah it's just not emotional as an I've tried to talk to them about that. you're a better troll in my brain you're not there when i wake up at five in the morning angry at And that's one of the... Look, I had a lot of crazy ideas coming out here. Let's create. You can work on your act.

3:00:33 saw that painting there's a painting of mitzi that's on my fucking wall in the studio that's an extraordinary responsibility and i i have have like a drive to it. that it's unusual. help the art form i really do i want to help it the way mitzi helped me yeah even when you're To me, it's almost not fair. i get why anybody would be mad at me i've got my life is

3:03:27 I think we could change it all. What's up, Jamie? How are you doing out here? place with a crazy view nothing to do with suicidal ideation i get a lot of dreams about falling falling from extreme and he fell. I had this crazy fucking dream about you You can't say the and then a highway in Texas. covid i like it way better out here i feel better i feel uh i feel more like i'm on the right path

3:06:37 going like when I make You can't see anything. And I'm like, what the fuck is that? It's why is there something in the back of my head that's like, get up off the couch and go run outside. Right. And I'm like, there's a, i think those dreams are that i recognize that i'm i'm i'm in a very unusual place And then stand-up you've been doing forever as well.

3:08:38 the UFC, dude, I was on Fear Factory. there he told me yeah yeah he told me to ask you about something we'll talk about it afterwards And, like, I watched that show as well. Just, like, I think because I'm in the writer's room and sometimes I'll say, oh, I got to do a show later tonight or I'm going to see Joe. you afraid every time you go up right because they've they know what they're doing right and the same is true of stand-up i've i've put so much time

3:11:07 I watched the reboot. No, Amazon. I was on SyFy. Is he finding himself right now? We'll express ourselves later after I talk to you about Andy. You're like, what? This is terrifying. And then one day you're on Netflix. on your own paper ideally and you're working on the craft and all that and before you know it And I think one of the reasons why that happens

3:14:38 corporations that have been impacted by the pandemic why have they thought about doing that like many times man there's many times you know what's really cool is uh when the pandemic first and we're just walking around and he was like oh yeah you have like an interesting brain and uh youtube sketch for a long time and we were trying we just thought like oh we're the next up just

3:17:13 I'm going to lay out. gotten older but there are like old pictures of me where i look super dark i have sicilian And I lived with my grandfather when I was a struggling comedian when I moved from Boston, New York. they've become white people. It was like a release valve. you're talented enough but you feel like okay they didn't say yes because i don't have enough of the

3:20:13 their job is on the chopping block. what i want to do so we went around we're like absolutely which is the production company they did nathan for you they did crowl uh maybe Cause you know, Like the perceptions, one thing that's been working against me is that i am a comedian who happens to be afghan but I was born in Seattle, Washington And I think sometimes these diversity opportunities that happen in Hollywood,

3:23:04 But it's like they want to strife. They want you to be a guy who used to live in a cave yeah they go like And he doesn't do that with a lot of people. they want they want like another five and then we send another five and they go okay he's due to the punky for so long and she's been a she's great on it too bartender at the fucking store that's almost

3:25:29 She's another store person. yeah yeah i met neil when he wasn't even a comic in boston yeah no at the boston comedy club in I go, right now? We can see it just right there. I think I was working at Caroline's, and then the other time i was on was uh a fear factor sketch that time i flew out to la and uh I like that he took a fucking chance and just realized.

3:29:17 But it was cool to know him as the guy who was just at the club and then see him blow up. do well and he i think he was aware of that being around dave for so long and also being at I talked to him yesterday he's a part of my plan Yeah. But those two guys are as good as any fucking comic on the planet Earth. 20 stand up comedians the same show brilliant

3:31:53 Steady paycheck. And also- You can't go up on stage. You can. go up on stage you can't say you don't have any energy one thing that you realize though is that to something other than just It's like Inception. from the mothership you had to be you had to have an umbilical cord that's one of the perks of the pandemic which you know Yeah. about to happen. And also when I was was in la it was just very depressing uh i mean i could handle it but

3:34:50 Yeah. They don't give a fuck. I already got it You're safe I don't know Yeah. yeah you can't do that you can't wear like a feathered headdress but dressing up like a cowgirl How dare you? I'm very excited you're here. Woo! I know you got your own thing All right, And this is the only time they've seen me do stand-up. But I'm like, hey, my name is Fihim Anwar.

3:39:12 So that's always stuck with me. It's very cool that when you're an ethnic performer Your skin's fine. Sometimes I'll do shoots now where I'm like, I'm fine. Like, if it's a shine thing, if I'm shiny, sure, powder it. Don't let him. They'll do it. Just to relax yourself. And we're going to be doing shows out here for him.