Joe Rogan Experience #1623 — Doug Stanhope Transcript

Transcript

0:00 the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day The cooties? Wow. I don't need to walk. but i was so excited i'm gonna leave on sunday and just take the back roads. And like, I practiced talking on the phone I forgot vodka, which is my go-to drink, and a shirt. You notice I'm fucking, like I brought two different suits, 1989.

3:48 But they'll have like plaid on plaid. So I'm wearing pajamas like I have for the last year Yeah. Are you going to get the vaccine? I didn't wash that hard that it came off even last night. So you're getting the shots in Bisbee? But yesterday, Cochise County tweeted, That's the one you only take one shot. Some sort of different shot. Oh. like a day. My whole family got it and I didn't get it.

7:21 into your cells, the Johnson & Johnson vaccine uses You know, that's like Dr. Hitler. The shell is an adenovirus, in the third hour. seconds of a three hour Because you think like people know what you're doing. You know, they say masks are all bullshit. years going fuck this i'm done with comedy yeah you're never doing it again six months and i know

10:21 And then I get this shot, my first one. But the hypocrisy is Which I think subliminally, a lot of people, if coronavirus was killing that many babies and children, I think the same anti-maskers would be attacking you with a crowbar for not wearing a mask in public. Let them die off. The Moral Animal. I just went to comedy night A fucking road trip from Arizona across New Mexico and West Texas.

12:46 I never promote my own. I started that podcast as a default open mic. But he's come to my shows. And they're going to let him out? did they fix it he's out he only went back in because of covid and now how long is so excuse my behavior. Who hires him? went behind him as his wife was trying to stop him killed her and uh bobby's podcast is really popular now let me see andrew santino seven out of ten redhead quick wit

16:39 Question mark. silly movies which i guess he loves and i look i love zohan's one of my favorite movies there's a there's That's all we did. We stayed at home. We watched movies. of Joe Rogan no one ever It's like you're watching And it still is. Some of them, you go, even myself, like Kentucky Fried Movie, you go, oh, that was the shit in 1979. It's basically sketch comedy

20:03 That's why I have to have you Oh, I got 10 out of 10. there we go thought uh this is just a throwaway because everyone has a podcast now i have two friends Oh, wow. I'll be... He's getting out. So what he does, he murders his mother. i dialed twyman i could call twyman right now oh boy but i won't yeah won't. Yeah, let's not. Jesus Christ, that's hilarious.

22:58 and then you hear their comedy, and you're like, I can't. an interesting hodgepodge of beginners and veterans, like I can tell Twyman, None of these meds are going to work. So it's a power dynamic. And then it's usually like an ugly male comic who's funny and a hotter female comic who's not funny who needs someone to punch up. that have had those kind of weirdo we're like natasha legere moshe casher that's another good

25:52 and she never put it together but she had one open mic night set in the belly room and i watched it That's the thing with comics. It's like either they make it No, no, not really. tour imagine if you were still doing your act from like mm-hmm imagine you It's just like, there's something. Because you and I both talk about shit The fuck do I do? The point is

29:10 Not that there's anything wrong with being a carpenter, point of view fits into this yes that's a good way to put it yeah that's yeah with a very dated Is it 7 yet? 10 years? Eight, nine years, yeah. Well, it's... secret that you're going to be on the game, and then Yeah, she was great in it. yeah she's one of my favorites and that was that uh comedy store documentary that made me oh fuck

32:14 out here. She probably will. She's fucking I actually sat down you listen to his stuff a lot of times Red Band? And they gave me, they didn't say, I don't know. Ron White fucked us like that once. So we'll take all of you on the tour bus and we're coming back through this way. takes two and a half hours sober now sharp as a tack i did uh the chapelle shows with him last week i did sunday and tuesday

35:13 Nope. because that's my doctor is who did i just talk to uh i can fuck it i'll say jordan zeevon warren's I'm not Jordan Springsteen. And he said, no. 1.30 in the afternoon yeah but you ever had like a an actual cranberry they're disgusting oh yeah they're cranberry juice what happens when you get off the cigarettes? will kick in when i light my first cigarette the next day and then i'll get like booze shakes oh

39:11 I was for sure drinking, like actual drinking then. You're February, right? All right. You aren't doing shit. but then he went to costa rica and did uh multiple ayahuasca ceremonies oh and he went to Costa Rica and did multiple ayahuasca ceremonies. I just wasted a fucking podcast. Like you want to share this in its purest and best form with all the people

41:27 That came from a fan. TX, I brought that bottle on purpose. Phenomenal. If I was doing a week sponsor maybe you should go to the doctor first get checked out make sure everything's okay feel But he's off. I've been doing the edibles. No, no, no. Yeah. And now they just keep it going. Beets. When I started this, I'm like, I'm nervous and I love it. I know when I can't brush my tongue

46:21 Because you don't know the culture as well. During the day. They can afford to beat the fuck out of each other because they don't have to pay for the stitches. That's for you. in the United States like he's the old We were talking before the podcast to stop stealing my fucking bits. it's subtle hints at it. we have to stop raising awareness for raising awareness.

49:57 I think he walks into his writer's room and says, what's my opinion this week? The next day or within that week, he put up a fucking Levi, the father of the baby, guys would uh come in writers would sit in the back of the room and then you'd hear Yeah. I tell people what happened with that show Jesus gun. that have their opinions and they're not funny

53:09 she has a fucking tattoo Yeah, production company where you go oh okay it's a huge difference but we're we're pitching it homegrown network uh the the point is that i don't need it now when we did the man show Yeah. But I just feel like at this day and age, you're a crazy guy who wears funny hats. My favorite fucking scene was the Joey Diaz bursting out naked to introduce us.

56:03 That was before he did it before he did it she But Joey's the best. everything west of there want someone to know you just had a fucking creeper come up to the door here like yeah you don't want You can put a rap on it. I go, yeah, but i was talking about People still will randomly show up twyman who murdered his mother thought that lauren michaels was telling him to come on saturday night

1:00:10 He's, he's in town. well now a lot of them are judges yeah Comedian Grove, meaning like you have a place Cabins, but southwest. 2,000 square feet. Yes. stanhope austin texas is calling you that's what i'm doing here that's my plan my my plan is to of the reasons why i moved here my plan was move here get settled live in a place where there's less people and also separate stand-up comedy from the entertainment

1:04:33 Is it Lushux? those lines it's just funny And we're working for social justice and inclusiveness. pull it up so we can see what it is. You're not listening. Your algorithm is still recommending lies about COVID vaccines. it's all parody but he got caught up in thinking somehow or another that this parody piece which is making making fun of QAnon people who think they're getting a fucking microchip installed with the vaccine.

1:07:25 What is his... Sacha Baron Cohen. is really good i mean he does these massive fucking murals, too. He's Australian, correct? I think so. I get you didn't get it, but no, man. It was just one of the best scenes ever. See, here was the deal. And you can piss. Yeah, have a discourse behind my back above me When I haven't seen Doug in a while, we have to get into a rhythm together.

1:09:56 I'm a giant fan. worked though i was i know when this came out i remember watching it you know but that was Okay, so it was VHS. By the way, Trump is one of the few guys that he didn't get. and he lives in Austin And he wrote a book about how he over over but the things he was doing is like i asked a man for a it was nonsense things, back of my neck stood up and i go i just listened to that in a smart fuck book about oh that's why

1:14:00 They didn't hurt you. And it would wreck your confidence. I learned the pecking order has a... Oh, I thought open it happen. It's with chickens, rather. and guys who do crazy risk-taking things, and you can take a risk. Men and women, man. to offset the time she went to fucking MMA with you. How about you do your own thing yes doesn't need you to go to theater with her right to offset the time she

1:17:26 When they beat a man down like that, separate him from his friends, don't let him play sports, And I would listen. I had a Whitesnake cassette. what to do and uh bingo bingo and i our worlds don't collide often the hair you have a you have He's got the same Charlie Brown But he still got the My forehawk just goes back to my bald spot. And there's other things to think about.

1:21:00 The looks are the last thing. There was a little pressure. like a predator wasp had taken over a bumblebee and just controlling the bumblebee like That's why I was so fucking jacked coming in here after three days of driving. and have nothing to say. and I go Bamford like fuck let's say they were in a gay relationship and one Day drink means you're just sullying at a fucking

1:24:31 but um when it comes to like a fan of the work we stopped playing that game by the way when Don't get me wrong. You could do it both ways. And do I wear a mask? And I go, you know, fucking, not a lot out there and you get this weird feeling of like man if i just vanished how long would it Are you giving me the booger sign? where would your personality best fit in?

1:28:30 He's way away from everybody, and he's up in that podium. left. That was, to me, that was decision. If they offered me the job, There's a lot of pool halls in New York City. It was embarrassing On acid They used to, the guys who used to gamble a lot, And they would all do it. Like you have to buy a used copy of it everybody and he was doing it a lot of these games these guys were all speeded up and apparently i've

1:31:49 because he got real big as he got older, when he got off the speed. Go to that picture above it, though. That's Buddy Hall when he was in his prime. or maybe miss one shot. different and it's all about getting angles to yeah but it's like if you know the game if you dudes that are sad without football and here's this chick that's like, no, well, this is what icing means.

1:34:31 There is skill involved in this. That's like 15, fucking 20 years ago. I was a trainer. Yeah, and his surgeries that he went through, extend they don't fully lock out they're always like partially bent and there was a range of you really want to go through those okay no no no the next question was and i put this on twitter Untested, but it's an untested driverless car.

1:37:23 Have you ever driven in a Tesla when it doesn't? I don't like it. explanation. orange-tinted ones. I don't need reading glasses. lives there now who's michael bean exactly? Exactly. You know who he is. I think he was in the second Terminator, right? You and I do. I don't want to go fucking do shit with you. Fitzsimmons and I were reading the list. I'm being silly.

1:40:52 Did coke and drank With a day drinker It's a fun mythology. I don't have that constitution. Then I'm going to go do fucking 30 minutes at the comedy store. Just waiting for you to finish. I would like to live multiple lives simultaneously. something very interesting about that to me but I I I don't even have the attention span for a lap we'll bring you to the fucking Yellow Rose,

1:44:20 I mean, you do drink. It's also baffling to me. It's boring. They like long road trips and listening to books on tape and chilling and just thinking. Really? I know, oh, I'm in a dream. Regular dosage of Xanax You're better at lucid dreaming than you were before. Because I fucking sleep. fucking Red Band finally called me No, no, myth me. Yeah. books about this is this something that you just figured out as you were doing it as you're having

1:50:33 Oh, I get a text message. But is the Syracul making you have more lucid dreams dream that i can prove there's two different worlds it was that fucked up but you can't at least some sort of a reasonable facsimile Well, that's what's really going to fuck cancel culture is when we get mind-reading software. fucking follow him like Scientologists do, They're getting closer and closer to figuring out what's going on in your head

1:53:27 All that mind reading software. from almost every other occupation, if you're you're only two wings like oh he's left wing he's right wing so stupid like fucking dollar amount that you made on fucking spotify i think most of those comics are The idea is that since you influence people, For sure, personally myself i used to feel that way when i was younger i've talked about it openly i would

1:57:01 kind of information or that kind of information, then you can't be yourself anymore. Retarded, I'm not against saying it, but it's not the right word at the time it's like the Exactly. Just stop. There's too much of this going on there's too much of people wanting to tell people what to do you know and because of social media they have this You know, Bill Burr had a great response to

1:59:10 I go, if I was a new comic, you are the equivalent to Carson right now, where you have that much reach. free or whatever covet for yeah she's like what are you here to talk about i go you don't talk I wanted to talk to him about all the things I've been thinking for 650 miles. But you have to understand. about anything that's going on or fucking can't because if i don't have a stage to perform it on

2:01:35 About the outside world. So you have home base. i'm looking for a whiskey sponsor that says our our whiskey is so good, you don't need Safeway brand off-brand cola. Imagine what it was like back then when people didn't know that getting It's probably really weird, right? of him climbing out of the limo. And he doesn't know why and he keeps plowing Archibald

2:04:50 But I worked did bill burr's podcast once coked out of my head after partying with manson he goes yeah you're Yeah. And that was like the oversaturation of stand-up. Like, the comedy club world is a pretty recent world. Like, the smallest of towns where they have comedy. But my point is before So those guys like Fox and all those road dogs, town all the time and no one knew their act they'd never seen them on television they could crush

2:07:57 I was a model in Serbia. For sure him. You didn't care. voice yeah yeah i don't i i don't even know if my voice is my own anymore. But, dude, I think you've got a thing. And so one of the best ways to avoid that was always think you're a fraud. is someone who has an inflated again the opposite is well the people you know the the cliche with uh joey and there's other

2:11:40 the way he would write out the prose and that's how he learned how to do it and we all learned which is like a year into comedy when they had a fallout. Oh, really? was trying to be him and that's long of a Kinison or Dice where gonna come in here kinn, coked up on Stern. When I was an open micer for the douche bag that's now Well, she was laughing too.

2:15:24 One of the first times I was ever there, Like, hey. But he included his phone number. is no no i'm failing here hang on There's not a lot of people in here. I have a copy of like mad magazine or something. But yeah, You wake up from a dream and It's the truth. I work for my audience, use to record dreams. Safeway Cola. Do you know that you're the producer

2:19:43 and I said listen, can i put you as a country of the mind. A vast majority of our elastic cognition Yeah. MIT researchers develop a way to Oh, so they put like a panda bear in your head over and over and over again. and then realized later i had slept with am radio on so i heard it on the news 79 boom look at that You know, when we were late 90s, there was a million or middle 90s.

2:23:28 Priest molestation, no, it's always been a thing. It's dark shit, man. Yeah, but it's not. Now, everything's in the news that's insane 2.5 quintillion bytes of data are produced by humans every day. Yeah, you could make a joke about Alice. And we went out in Scottsdale. Anyway. sell pictures you have to get a transplant like you'd have to find a two-headed dick to get a

2:27:20 Because it's unethical. if he got your balls, he would be shooting your loads It's actually happened three times. Wow. Yeah, he pregnant and registered 522 boys and 342 girls in total an observation was made that 1,042 children, and then eventually after his death, the total rose to 1,171. That's a lot of people. There he is I would propose the argument of you don't have to fucking talk to him or buy him breakfast.

2:31:11 I quote you all the time. especially when you're young like when i was in my early 20s you think differently like you think You'll understand. to keep the same mindset before you come as after you come which is ridiculous like you're supposed Now I think I know what the fuck I'm talking about, and I don't. Yeah. the best files on twitter didn't they ban his account yeah what what was it for because he

2:34:47 So what was it? Me and Eric Well, here's the thing. there's a million different cultures that have all been boiled down into left wing or right wing but but they're all worried. Like, no, he's being funny. You gotta Okay. people to uh have this like since there's this heavy left-wing bias on twitter when people And so, like, you have the main town square, which is Twitter.

2:38:11 on the rise? But whatever a law passes, you can't do this anymore. of what they'll allow what they don't allow and those people are controlling this massive amount get out of this uh twitter power look this you could say the same thing about like why is uh And if it gets controlled in terms of like there's people like that, fuck the system. This thing is so much more powerful than any other new thing that's ever existed.

2:41:21 they'll hop on board and then you're you're be cool with, you know, 2020s McCarthyism. terrified about youtube the amount of control that these companies have they're not egregiously they're welcome in my house that's great but it's still you're not going to get away from the impact That's definitely part of the problem, have them is if you make more of them but i think the only way you appreciate them if they're uh

2:44:18 It's like, it's more relaxed here. It's nothing. It's not that the roads are, Oh, wait, you're on my side. You're used to Bisbee. No, no. It's better. Yeah. Another benefit of covid thank you 500 000 fucking mostly elderly people that died This kind of shit is better. But, like, over a year, like, yeah, I have reached out. Oh, that's hilarious. We did.

2:48:37 It's in Arizona. Yeah. No, no, this is Jia Jing. I don't think that's going to be happening. Well, that's why I have Raider to do all the paperwork. I'll tell you the other part of it. Come on more often. Oh, Bingo. All right. Bye.