Joe Rogan Experience #1633 — Ali Macofsky Transcript

Transcript

0:00 the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day I think kids should stop when I'm off my parent's insurance in September. I actually got booed up, Joe. Oh, where'd you meet this fella? Were you hoping to get one of them curable ones or one of the ones It's hard to spell. I had no idea. negatives every time. And then an article came out that that specific testing center had a lot

3:26 Like for testing. obviously when I got sick, hypothetically if she did around christmas time she's gonna be so mad fuck don't say it she didn't It was just horrific. They were just so worried that the kid was going to kill his dad barely knew he had it. And his dad got it real bad. And his dad was in the hospital. It was just horrific. You know, I was thinking about it.

5:33 I think he drove to someone's house and murdered them and then came home and didn't know he did it. He's like, dude, I hire a private chef. after taking more than the recommended dose of Zolpidem. Jamie, let's test it out tonight. a lanky, skinny boy who needs me to snuggle for body heat you know that's my kind like a breakable Five months, which is like five years in alley time.

7:51 distracted by like you know like weddings and like dresses you know what's fucked up what's fucked up So my mom's like, do you want to get married or do you want to pay your taxes? It's a very rare place where they would have headliners that were local guys that could sell out every weekend in a row. hundreds of thousands of dollars, hundreds of thousands in back taxes. And then you just

10:31 me now I save a third every time I make money I'm like put that shit away. I can't believe you didn't know that's am i supposed to rent a car do i fly to each place like where do i i don't know i just you And so you also have to deal with shitty middle acts. They have the worst acts ever to open for you. He's not. and like keep working and growing over time or you know you don't get to see that as often and

12:52 You know, like even though Cap City went under, there's still plenty. It was so funny. Yeah. It was an outdoor show. I'm excited. I've always loved Austin. And it is spread out, but it's just people are more chilled here. We're going to ruin it. That have figured out a way to carve their way deep into the pores like some sort of a strange parasite.

15:22 Some people went to Nashville. Yeah. Oh, how have those been? Have you tried Takis? is for that, Yeah. Do you think it's because it's just not good enough? But I don't think it's a real cheese. Is there a difference between queso with chips yeah i don't know why more people don't do it i don't know it's like a but i don't think it's a real cheese is there a difference between queso and nachos yeah yeah you

17:32 It's probably super bad for you. No, but it's a bowl. I've had this everywhere. I think it's like a Velveeta deal. Is it the shit? Or in Spanish. And cream cheese. Every Christmas my dad does like a Jewish platter spread. the child in you comes out yeah you revert do you ever feel like that well where'd you grow up i grew he'd know that I was only there to stop by his place.

20:02 Does he know what kind of car you drive? Just being around it brought back the exact feelings that I felt like when I was in high school. It's just this transitionary period when you're in a teenager where everything feels off. Newton South. But my friends from that are that I'm still friends with this day didn't even go I think I read something, though, that he has.

22:35 Yeah, but I think he had, I don't know. Yeah, he's almost 90. I saw alive? Yes. Wow. Good for him. Good for him. Good for him. Yeah, he's almost 90. Back in the day. the thing well cbd is good for inflammation and it helps some people with if you have anxiety it I mean a couple hundred milligrams at a time. See the picture of him in the middle? different. I'm going to get jacked up on that.

24:24 Makes them giant. Do you wish you had better lips? but you don't want to be too sexy I had a guy tell me after a show he said I don't get why And you're like, oh, why don't I dress nicer? It's like inside, that's probably the little psychological game he's playing. looking like you know whatever he thinks i look like a troll on stage you know like so if i'm

26:16 Just like DMS and comments and stuff. it's the accurate thing to say because for sure men do objectify women sometimes like some men Yeah. Yeah. on in the conversation it's it's gotta be weird being a girl it is weird it's kind of it's fun I need a woman around. i'm a lesbian my sisters they're like seven and five years older than me how did they say it

29:12 because i was like they were making it sound like it was a bad thing to be a lesbian yeah bush trimmed yeah they want it they want bald. They want a bald eagle. What? multiple examples of it where guys have enormous like beach ball size testicles and they can barely Well, they probably don't even register as balls for YouTube. zipper, pull his sack out,

32:05 guy's oh wow see weird texture well when you see the actual texture you can see the actual texture that's what he says yeah to um cracker barrel for the first time congratulations have you been of I can walk out unscathed. codependency shit oh 100 there was one story about this i think it was a lady who had melted week deal like they said remember we're just gonna close everything down for two weeks meanwhile

35:26 I want to go so bad. Oh, do it. New Zealand, there's a lot of New Zealand that's just like rich and green and lush. He's great. It's fiction, yeah. Yeah, he did Jojo Rabbit, I think. Why do you think so? That's what I did. these things that are shit to type on and then curved so your fingers like fit in it much easier and where apple wants flat keyboards it's like

38:24 It has nothing to do with the cleanliness. What? Yeah. Did you take the sticker off? Yeah, everything looks blurry. It looks like I'm in an ISIS hostage video. It has nothing to do with the cleanliness. The camera quality is excellent. What's his new name? You're doing Zoom comedy shows, Joe? I know. When did girls start shaving their legs? I think guys want dolphins, just soft little mammals.

40:03 What is that? hateful but like just this subconscious like i'm a man i have hair that's what's strong women they're You're allowed, right? Would you do it? i was growing them out i was like might as well you know and it hurt way worse than like getting a Where girls were working on watches and all sorts of things that had radio something. And then at nighttime, they glow like that.

43:20 And their tongues would rot off. a question? What is injuries or tumors, it's horrific. When did World War I end? you should read that book it's terrifying because it just shows you that this guy who was a loyal Like what this guy was trying to expose about the real motivations, why politicians lead soldiers into war. are not just unnecessary but deceptive.

46:38 like myself or you who doesn't really know that much about war could read about it and go holy Like, why was that so necessary? We got to stop these families at the border, this detention at the border, putting people in cages. And that's how you're going to stop people from talking about this, that nothing's changed. Where they get detained? at this like who's giving them those fucking shirts probably the cartel they probably all

49:12 they're like, hey, you know, we have enough. So I try and stay somewhat informed, i scroll past it i read it it's got shiny letters and a nice font so i'm like oh this is pretty but So you have like a lot of really aggressive, shitty guys that jump on the woke movement and use it as an excuse to vent out their cuntiness on other people. But it's a legitimate outlet for their shittiness.

51:45 and those assholes use it for their own betterment. they're preaching acceptance and then canceling people for anything they can think of and it's But when you get to the really radical shitty people on the right or the really lives matter at the top of their lungs and what are they really doing what they're really doing Either way, it leaves no room for growth or change they're not

54:32 communicating because you get to write it without anybody going well that's not true because this I mean it. They're just trying to catch you. they're just trying to play gotcha they're just I spell it different. yeah what a tough time for karens terrible time for karens but there are a lot of them Is he Russian? Yeah. He's a barbecue chef. Okay, good. Young Allie Makovsky.

57:31 It's fun out here because you'll just see the most random group of people hanging out. No, he said, he goes, Yeah. Well, just steal it from your boyfriend. Because it's just scary. Ooh. Yeah. That's the only way to find out if he loves you back or if he's a liar he's a sweetie No, no. Reagan was the fucking president for two terms. We can edit it out. No, he was not on the ballot you have to write about this we can edit it out we can edit it out no he was actually on the ballot yeah he was the governor i thought you

59:56 Bonzo. Let's see. I think after that They have to be babies And it climbed on me Like your body is so mushy and soft compared to a chimp. It barely has to try. Oh, that's so cute. Goats. That's what I want. But he's not being an asshole. and uh they had like this big piece of land and they said oh you know what we'll do we'll get the like, did somebody let their fucking goats

1:03:16 They eat brush. Did you feel bad? his town died because uh he didn't hit the deer the guy in front of him hit the deer this is what's splatter painting of guts and blood. Because when they hit the car, their body's At home, my cousin Johnny and his brother michael they go shooting and or what i mean i mean once you kill the animal like from then on you have to cool it off as quickly

1:06:22 There's a lot you have to do to make sure that the animal doesn't uh spoil yeah we had like a flank i think and then he i guess there's like a You could judge a steak, like a beef steak, much easier because there's a lot of fat in it. We kind of surprised him with it. We're like, wanna eat deer? Yeah. He was game. Literally. Trying, yeah. Luckily I'm staying with my friends out here and they eat super healthy. So that's felt good. But right after this I'm going on a meat tour.

1:08:47 How does that work, though? Yeah. and two people joined, one of them being my mom, And even from her own family. It's one thing if your wife starts showing her pussy. Cut it out. It's saturated, so it's hard. You for people to make money if they can it's saturated Did you hear she's doing Playboy There's not really much Yeah, and Kim Kardashian. It was a huge deal.

1:11:21 Whatever it is. The catch me outside girl. Call her a liar. I would feel like if you did that, people would stop giving you money. Yeah, if you only got to give her 10 bucks a month or whatever it is. What does she show? Unfortunately, I do. Yeah, right? She's an internet sloth I meant to say Yeah we are She did a house tour naked. Fucking keep me in the dark here, buddy.

1:13:48 Yeah, that's right. Right down there on the bottom. Okay. Like, probably huge. funny comments and laugh she thinks it's hilarious because it's she's fucking 10 you know you get dangers of social media social media dangers 2.0 or something and so this they they create a It's very, I feel like. and I kind of have a vague memory of high-speed dial-up internet,

1:18:15 about everything you know i was uh reading this thing about uh sex trafficking the other day and How do you ease into that conversation of like, I'm thinking of keeping some kids in the basement. yeah and so now kids are just inside on their phones because they And he was just saying things and I was like, oh, I'm sorry, I don't want to talk. And it probably is his apartment when he clocks out. It might be. be my buddy cj's living ubering by day does he just

1:21:05 and like what do you say just hey drop me off I can't do this I I like to when I get weirdo You guys look nice. What do you write? Hey, I want you to listen to this song and you're in their car and you're like, no. to a lot of brooks and dunn oh there you go it's like imagine if i had people over my house and i but i don't think he's in the movies i'm not as much of a stoner seth rogan apparently gets high

1:23:31 I'll just get the one and done. Make sure that's true. He was fine? Yeah, he said he was fine. That's good. the grocery store or do anything it's your dopey woke friends too i know i know i know god the ones It's not going to work. I would say Canada, but have you seen what the fuck's going on in Canada? go to the church anywhere and wear no masks.

1:25:57 You're intimidating us during Passover? Get out. He's screaming at them. It's like it got viral. and I guess they weren't wearing masks, Out. There's something wrong with the volume Oh my God. 200 cops showed up at a church. And they're showing up. They put a fence around the church to keep people from going in. So how do you reinforce those laws? fucking crazy law that they have up in canada or some crazy orders that someone's given them to show up 200 of them and shut

1:29:40 Protect yourself. It's too risky. They're going to attack the cops. And that's why this is so spooky. said i'm gonna end the mask mandate you should still wear a mask but i'm not gonna make it a Do what you want. fuck this kind of shit drives me crazy and there's so many people that have become these weird It's happened to me. people what to do and there's a there's like a clear green light to say put a mask on it's so

1:33:36 They're just people that like to tell people what to do. I have no control over a global pandemic. like you know a scary thing to realize that we're only so capable of doing things so it's like these I saw, after I saw that, I was nervous to come on I know. and she's just constantly working on her act. She's like, oh my God, my joints, my back, my knee. Everything was bothering me. Now

1:35:39 obese for COVID. 78%. You don't live by it. Yeah. It is definitely that. When people in my house got it, there was two days where I was working out where I was like i feel kind of shitty today i just feel dragged like i was dragging so i just took it light I was doing it five days a week, but now I basically do it almost every day. it's like an ice plunge

1:38:37 the best apparently i feel like breathing exercises or meditation like it's helpful if you do it every once in a while but it's most effective deep breath in big long deep breath out big one And I started, I read this book called Breathe by James Nestor. you're like so out of control of your body when you're doing it what kind of classes do i don't i don't know if there was like a name for it was just like a guided

1:41:08 Oh, I love crying when no one's around. this person's comment was very successful it was just at the top i wasn't doing a deep dive only the greatest hit comments do you read your comments on like He's probably not reading them either. own shitty mind. That's good. There's people that you go to for what you need. don't get better yeah they don't if you protect yourself from that pain you don't grow you know

1:44:01 I'm doing it. And then that feels like it goes on forever. like the dangerous area for me is when i'm not present and in the moment of that because i was her own thing everybody's got their own thing it's like there's no there's no like hard fast rules And it was the first time I'd ever done it on stage and it crushed. It's totally new and it's killing.

1:46:45 Do you record? Yeah. like how what's the difference did you record you record yeah yeah that's the difference you gotta listen to the recording figure out what Amazing. What's that? from all these old vhs's that she recorded growing up so she stopped all acting right Mm-hmm. not matt damon but it looks like it look at a little kid matt damon yeah who is that little That's Brian Austin Green, I think. Who's the one in the middle? Not Matt Damon.

1:48:52 That's a weird road. grow and they don't get to figure themselves out I have. I don't think you told me this. Do you remember this? Do you know Lil Allie? I called in randomly. can i get britney spears tickets talking to ryan seacrest and he's like can you sing a britney expired and then they wanted to renew it but in a different way and sign on to ryan's production

1:52:12 You'd be I don't think it would've been for life moments isn't that funny that at the time you think of them as being the worst thing ever But once I started, I wasn't 21, so I ended up having to wait like six more months to wait so I waited till just a little bit after my birthday. I was there on my 21st at midnight. Really? And Red Band gave me $21 because it was

1:54:49 and I would watch all the shows there, was like I don't know I'm actually 18 maybe and so then I went home and I wrote that first set and I where they made everybody line up around the corner What time did the lineup start? Really? like that's so cool that someone could like tell jokes that people just say in day-to-day life you I was so naive that one day I was at the Laugh Factory and they were doing a new material night.

1:58:34 that all back i was shaking on stage so bad was it the first time you'd ever done anything scary that I'm getting 20% from Allie, but I'm not getting much from you. Let's see some movement. where he gets a percentage of them. I think people were upset about that because they made it seem like they were done with it. Maybe. A lot of people went the Patreon route.

2:00:45 woo you can to some extent joey was not a hollywood guy Because he's just like, you know, this former criminal. It's just bullshitters. During the Chappelle shows, we were doing quite a few. and a lot of different things can happen. I think it's going to be awesome if you're not like say if you're working somewhere else when your set's over just come down like

2:04:18 like as a That's as much time as it takes to do it right. the hallway to the OR. Yeah. It's just that the way the OR is set up, and then walk through the swinging doors there with these stacks of drinks and then you have this insanely tight room where you're supposed Because it's so special. Yeah. And just walking around the city is just really fun.

2:08:11 That's what I heard. everything was kind of forced to happen you know especially with los angeles still hasn't opened up And then they'll figure out a way to open it up. And it's also, he's getting recalled. so because of that it's so hard to keep track government is supposed to be people that are working for the community they're supposed to Like you're putting other people at risk.

2:10:49 percent survival rate would expose you would never believe I mean what is the actual it's hard to cynical. Here's the cynical perspective. The cynical perspective is that it becomes an without needing warrants, without needing a lot of what they normally would have used And I was always kind of the person who's like, It doesn't mean you're a murderer.

2:13:41 showing up at the church. and then had to let him go because the guy did nothing wrong. And now they fired the cop. But conversation. Oh, I thought this was going on, but apparently I'm wrong. Have a good day, sir. There's a giant percentage of them. How many have been in gunfights? Some of them are brilliant. No, of course you're not. Yeah. which buried all of this other information

2:17:20 The movie hasn't been out for an hour. There was a good article about that whole thing in Rolling Stone a bunch of years ago. I don't know what they kind of fudged there. The Rampart Division was out of fucking control. And this is coming from a friend of mine who was an la police department guy he worked for the the cops and he was telling me why couldn't i say officer

2:18:41 that's one of the things that happens to undercover drug dealers a great fucking movie it's so good that might be about the Yeah, Silk Road, but the other one. What's it called? Okay. The entire one year, the entire graduating class of the police department in Miami 80s, Miami Vice days. this, that, like it was just cocaine murders, cartel murders. It was just chaos. And he was

2:22:29 Billy Corbin is one of the best documentary makers of all time. make a documentary but he used like child actors yeah to like a child actor to pretend he's A-Rod, a child actor And you're like, how did you think to do this? I'll watch them. I don't know. Okay, I'll be right back. Oh, okay. he apparently won't, according to Stan letting out all the details.

2:24:52 Why not? No, because I like... A focus, yeah. I listen to the audio book in 45 minutes. I mean, Operation Northwoods in the 1960s, they were going to blow up jet airliners and blame it on the Cubans and force us into war with Cuba. You just open the bucket and dump it out? Oh, what is that? about this Jeffrey Epstein shit? fucking underage girls, allegedly.

2:28:11 people that give him millions of dollars. Some guy gave him a fucking house in Manhattan worth when he's about to testify. once they killed jeffrey epstein in jail and then pretended that he killed himself I think for sure some people were probably innocent. probably can't believe these girls are even talking it wasn't even a lot of money. to give him a slap on the wrist the first time,

2:30:50 I guess they're trying to battle the smears the media has painted about her. or something like that Look, it doesn't work. Bill Clinton flew, I think, 26, 28 times, which is kind of crazy. when everyone was looking for her. It's so weird. I feel like he probably had an interest in science legitimately, It's not an injection. We'd basically be living in communist China.

2:34:42 that help combat COVID-19. Yeah. They're like super James Bonds, right? Yeah, but there's a little more to it. know he has this control and this power in the sim cards when the sound goes off everyone goes Bill Gates is not trying to put a microchip in you. I don't like that. No, but he's like an old white guy. Maybe now they got a bad back, but they're giving it their all.

2:37:19 Oh. Size-wise. Yeah, that's what it says. Bill Gates buys a big farm on shopping, or buys big on farmland shopping spree, an article about it just a couple of days ago. Farmland, the U.S. assets totaling more than one of the largest, Largest holdings in Louisiana, 69,071 acres. Oh, that's right. How are they getting it wrong like that? No, it's different.

2:39:51 Yeah, I don't know why it says that. And with farmland, it's like all the food. Yeah. Yeah, that little guy. They'll fuck you up and give you rabies. It is adorable, right? and top energy. But raccoons kill dogs. I thought one of the parents shoots the dog. Is that a movie or a TV show? Wasn't it a raccoon, though? Oh, you started up again today before the show?

2:42:52 if not the greatest western of all time. And I forget who else is in it, but fucking phenomenal. I'm going to make a movie that's a realistic Western. farmer. And then along you're talking about 1850 1840 that's not that long ago that's fucking really recent yeah a couple hundred years ain't shit That's the problem. gonna die he goes like it was just like there's always craziness so like every day that you're

2:46:22 and there's armed guards standing outside. Yeah. He was living in Tarzana for a while. He had, he was running Majiro Gym, But he's got this sort of unique perspective because of growing up and living in Israel. From the beginning of Israel in the 1940s. Yeah. But here's him hitting the double in the back. we are soft we are and it's not bad that we're soft i think it's it would be great if we never

2:49:13 It's just eating away at them. You know, and you just realize, like, how many people have zero capacity for adversity? He's out there. Oh, yeah? Smokin' Joe? has it been weird going to like the UFC events without the audiences and no it's been awesome I know. Whereas usually it's been like, it started off, it was like real strict, like 20 people Yeah.

2:52:15 Yeah. Stop. the store and i'd seen you do kill tony i have a question okay did you was how so i remember the Because I think you just wanted to see how I would do on a show. Always. and sometimes a little boost. And all big giant Irish guy with crazy accent, you know, Boston accent. yeah it's all it is and I know you want to do it. And then it all, next thing you know,

2:55:48 And then I remember it was like you were saying that you were going to be in Vegas. and you said, do you think I can get tickets to that? And there was an earthquake right before. But you can tell you had all this energy And I was like, okay. He's like, you have the thickest eyebrows i've ever seen that's badass i running up i'm like it takes so long to get on stage after you say my name and then go through

2:58:51 So a first time like that is only once. She's killing it. it can hurt your confidence but then you have to remember like it's not always you're gonna grow You pulled it off. I remember I told Ian I'm going to bring you to the arena. You did? Yeah. And he we do Vegas with? We did it with Ian Edwards. That's right. I remember I told Ian, I'm going to bring you to the arena.

3:00:39 I knew if you can just do what you just did in front of 1,300 people, you could do it in front of 10,000 or 11,000 or whatever it was. You would have been fine. and I was like, look at her, like a fish to water. nothing feels better. It's like I'm fulfilling my life's purpose. And if a set goes well and you're able to make a lot of people laugh nothing feels better

3:02:09 is, like, as cool as it is You have to do shows where when you get those spots at the store at 1230 and there's 15 people in the audience. And she was loose. that's where that's where comedy comes alive it's it comes alive in all these different venues in a it's so cool to to not just to do the arena the arena, but to see someone like you who takes someone like me who had only been doing stand-up at that time for like four, five years, to see the way that you treat me and your feature act and the things that we get to do, it's like, that's, that's so fun to witness, because I want

3:05:30 we're all the same the only difference between you and me is i've been doing it 33 years yeah Do you feel like there was a turning point? only in LA because I was so I was so worn out yeah I was so cooked because I was doing stand And bring it back into that. figure out how to do comedy that i like and then also realize that as great a job as fear factor

3:08:20 And then I really started focusing once that was off. Then I really started focusing on stand up. Not that much though. Oh oh it was a large quantity donkey realize like people that are in the stunt business that do that for a living they're a fight. Yeah I'd rather eat the worms. You can just eat worms you know. You got any worms? They were bugs that had been raised.

3:10:52 What are your shows tell people All right. Bye, everybody. Thank you.