Joe Rogan Experience #1685 — Shane Gillis Transcript

Transcript

0:00 the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day little nasty yeah turn on me he turned on you yeah i'd say every because we i mean it was it was like It's crazy. Although I think all he does is, I could be wrong. That's it But yeah, like I said trickle no yeah i got this this is my dad dad just drinks these all night it's not the best flavor

2:39 What the fuck's your problem? I like dark beer. I'll be huge. like keep a steady buzz yeah because i'll get drunk i had a bad habit of getting hammered at Yeah. Just wake up the next day like, oh, fuck. What the fuck are you saying? Just because someone says something ridiculous to make other people laugh, like, yeah, that's And then here's me talking shit.

4:58 Good. You know, that's one of the things that I've been reading about lately. To what they didn't know how to make like strong shit like they know how to make today. That was the thing. If that was a normal part of everyday life, was cutting people apart, you'd probably want to be on mushrooms. But that's why people complain today you know it's like because it's pretty easy so the things that people complain about

6:54 I go drink. I watch my friends play right? He was like, no, you look fine. But it's just me and him. Take it out. I was like came out and his dick was out he was standing outside of the pool I was like god damn Well, he's all about that. He's big on new experiences, like hiking type things, going places and traveling. i was like dude i'm not going to a fucking it's gonna be 95 degrees with just hippies and tents

9:14 And hanging out with weirdos? Yeah, like that like Ari does because he values freedom above the talmud like 12 hours a day and they did chores and he was in like a religious retreat Mm-hmm. Yours? Yeah. Which one? yeah those are my favorite hats so we all have weird tastes i don't know i like them they look Cheers. It's the only thing I do It's good

12:25 they sell out like instantly. Austin's cool. which is a super driver and a bodyguard, dude. That's what you do. It is. True. and everybody's fucked up. I know so many friends who their apartments have been broken into, their cars have been broken into, they've been robbed. He goes, New York's back, baby. That's probably that homeless guy probably saw that.

15:08 White people are Keeps our head on a True. yeah he'll be a little bad rick he'll bounce back rick's tough dude what do you know about Yeah, if you watch it close, you'll see Rick. Tim told me, Dylan told me that he was in uh time square and he felt My parents used to live in Harrisburg. What? Yeah. they think of Philly. It's getting a little more, it's getting gentrified.

17:10 You know Yeah that'd be nice Nashville. I like the Northeast. You could always just get a condo. Come on, man. That's what I'm saying. some guys might yeah some guys they don't know you know fucking karate they know fuck them up Because you think you're never going to get that piss out of the wall. He can only help. Punching a hole in a wall after losing a fight and throwing up in it.

19:45 I don't know, but it was in Beacon Hill. I'm trying to remember. I don't know. when the first spark just fucking uncorks a picture perfectperfect right hand on her face. Yeah. this is like the 80s it was wild yeah I'll never forget it it's just like all Yeah, yeah, yeah. Catholic high school, the public high school. We, we decided to meet to fight and I guess half their

22:07 That's child abuse And then once one kid from the other school went down, So, MMA fighter used the Walls of Jericho to win a match? Jamie? Jamie's blind. I wasn't looking at the screen. Yeah, I saw it happen to a guy. He cried. That seems like it would hurt. But if someone does get you to that spot, I'm trying to think of how you would get out of that.

24:24 is this the same fight or a different one i think i think it's the same thing because it just puts your spine in a very bad position where it hurts a lot. Yeah. Here it is. Sure. Yep, that's him. Yeah, he did a wrestling move to him. John O'Mears? I think it's Chris Jericho doing it makes it the Walls of Jericho, Yeah. You will tap. Yep, 100%. I don't want to find out multiple times. Yeah, like Duncan

27:01 No, just get out of the sport. It was really, really rare. They were. There was some lingering around. She's the king. You ever seen it? Yeah. to do anything like there was a thing about a woman getting arrested for child molestation yeah and uh i'll send the video because i'm gonna i'm gonna send you this that's what teachers jamie but no no you have to see this because this woman has a beard yeah look at this shit

29:11 So, I just sent it to you jamie yeah that's a large person to be playing rugby against women and i would say that that was probably an unfair decision It's a woman. She is charged with sexual interference with a person under the age of 16 What are you, working for the Toronto government? The teachers should do that I've now Googled the name. I'm going to take her word for it.

31:32 talking about how Maybe it's a guy with no kids. Yeah. People can make some fucking weird mental leaps and gymnastics. that really are preposterous that I'm Of course. And so they want to show you that they're on the side, the good side. That is If someone calls you a racist I don't know. matter what we call it it is what it right but uh i was one of the first people to go from i was

34:51 So you got cast on SNL. Do you want to send a packet in for SNL? So I went straight to the main stage for the audition. you nervous really but I knew I was certain I was never gonna get it and I really wasn't nervous I And are you doing standup? It was crazy. They have rules? The table, Lorne, all them, they're not going to laugh. Yeah, I was nervous. But as soon as they started laughing, I don't. Genuinely. You just did a bit. Yeah, I was nervous.

37:46 you get a call back and you go into the office and you meet everybody and you walk around and with Lorne and he's the man on the show to experience what the show's like Yeah. hire you I know that so if you have some great premises they decide they're just He was like, do you have anything you want us to check out? Delete it all. So that lasted for about three hours before an article came out that was like, here's what this guy says.

40:48 And it just happened. but the idea today is that talking shit is not real. I think I was number one on Twitter for out? No, there was a- Quite a few? So many articles. Do you? just depends which one it is right you know i'll get called like uh you know fat retard constantly He's like, if we just get you to the first episode, like people will see you're not a

42:50 What? It was just funny to truly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. that venom to work its way through your system and then you develop no consequences that makes them sad yeah what makes them happy so they can get you fired yeah Those are the best fucking comedy sketches that are on the internet right now. And he's so good at fucking impressions. Fresh Prez. It just, oh my God.

45:45 and you can get away with so much in someone else's voice They're incredible. How are you financing this stuff? He writes all these edits and makes them. No, no, no. I really do you're a brilliant comedian and I think your sketches are incredible and I think it's better that you not get attached to It's one of two things. doing you're you're either an idiot or you're an asshole you're either purposely trying to ignore subtlety and nuance and the fact that there's context to what people are doing and

48:31 You can't joke around about race. And very afraid of not calling out and and very afraid of not calling And then especially if you just see a clip and it's wild, But then you see the whole video. You're like, oh, they're friends. his whole set absolutely that not only was he fucking around but it actually worked yeah like This is the thing about joking around.

51:16 Yeah. It's just... They know what they're doing. look at this, look at this. Oh, yeah. Like, here's wild shit. to say they're not hurt by it. They're literally just like, look at this, look at this. They don't necessarily, they're not trying to offend yeah you if something's going to be funny there's many times we have an idea and you're like fuck I hope

52:55 I've many times said, well, that's the last time I'll ever say that one again. Oh, and they make you, you have to put out a statement. You've got to say all this stuff. Because it was. oh or however long it's been I was just like I blew it. I was like, fuck. I never felt like I was entitled to anything like that. But it was fun to go on podcasts and be like, St. Rogi's, help, dude.

54:50 Definitely. But for a while, what happens the first couple couple weeks or I was in New York too. It was crazy. I'd have a dream about they're like but then when you say like i'm on snl they're like finally we can be proud of this loser So they send you, they're like, hey, you need to apologize right now. I'm looking at my phone like, fuck, fuck, fuck, dude.

57:17 To like the whole world is, I mean, it's crazy. I said was inexcusable? Give me anything. Just say you're a comedian that pushes boundaries and sometimes he saw my thing I tweet out was like, I'm a comedian that pushes boundaries. Well, there was a few. ridiculous i'm like what the fuck are you saying we're doing a podcast for 500 people yeah that's

59:34 Really? Like, all that shit. I had ten minutes. You can apologize for hurting people's feelings. like this you're appeasing to the worst humans yeah that's the problem is the people that want And, yeah, it's fun. I watch that. It's fans reassuring you. might have been the wrong thing to say what the fuck was that? I went on stage that night. So everyone in the room was like, it was my first, it was the only time I've ever experienced like what it must be like to be famous and do stand up as like a drop in.

1:03:07 While I was on stage. How many days was it? I should have my job I was like I get it Keep making your fucking show I dated this girl for like six years and then I went and did stand up that night and like almost cried. It's fun. on fire with really interesting shit yeah yeah it's um it's better man it is because like if You would have killed it. You can't fuck someone over like that and then be like, ah, you're fine.

1:06:41 And they like to say like SNL couldn't have used me or wouldn't have used me. and that fucking OnlyFans dad that you sent me today, I just had to sit on that thing. I'm not. You might be able to see it through there. Like, what? Right. I don't know. Yeah. it, and you realize You know, porn star, like unless you're like the top of the food chain porn gal,

1:09:51 They're in a weird situation now where no one buys DVDs anymore, right? rug out from underneath that business Oh, the actors? They only fuck all the hottest girls, right? Oh, dude, I'll start DMing or texting girls or something. Just one beat off. compatible with them but you want to fuck them yeah and then you jerk off and you go oh like if When you're a young man and you don't understand it, like I remember being like 18 and 19 being

1:12:54 No, yeah, I loved you. Probably like, what am I doing? Because they want you to raise the children with them. Yeah, back to SNL. When do you give up? I gave up the first night oh the very Juicy. Is he not? He's like, what happened? It's magic. Oh. middle of your journey across the river yeah they they you can't count on them no they turn on you know what you're doing and it's not it doesn't work anymore yeah the thing about this whole

1:16:43 and they love the fact that this brilliant guy is being taken out. Yeah, I knew about it. Again, I knew it. heard about it right they well they they were scared when lou is on top that you know if they And one water buffalo gets attacked That's nature. He's going to get out of this. Yeah. are as big as a male lion everywhere else. And they look cartoonish.

1:19:39 the Kroger one. Yeah. Kroger? they start attacking the lions, it's like, ah, this is kind of I love the jacked women. it, go check it out. That they look normal there. There's, there's pictures of them where they look You had to meet with the people at NBC? Like, are you okay? And I was like, no, you guys have to fire me. It's all planned. Basically, everybody that has said sorry has been like, yeah, I'm very sorry.

1:23:00 It's a very, very weird dance. about it's one of the ways yeah you know yeah say something fucked up so they Yeah. Does he say they're better than anything we do? I didn't take any of it i'm not too worried about it anymore i i don't like i don't like i don't like, I don't like, I don't know. Yeah. Does that make sense? No, it does make sense. If I want to argue why we made these rules, that's different.

1:25:46 and you see it you're not offended all i can say is just that's not what i meant i'm just They love them. You didn't like that one? What was funny? It's just funny that that's the wildest shit I've ever heard. Yeah, but they didn't kill him Yeah. Like, leave notes and get away. That was what Trump was saying. Go ahead. like i got canceled and stopped because because covid you know i couldn't are you still doing a

1:29:14 Support the cause. Good. Yeah. think it gets so big that like you lose the the relationship with people and people join yeah but subway home while getting canceled. The second eyes. I'd go like this. Like just staring at me. I'd be sitting there going. And everyone was like, yo. they're either a failed comic or a failed writer there's something wrong yeah most critics are

1:32:05 people can absorb it and appreciate it and enjoy it and if you can't do that you criticize and Why the fuck was I? was so nice oh what a bummer that i had to drop the bit it was just a bit it Jenny McCarthy and then I met her and she was so nice. Oh, what a bummer. I read that she was getting her breast implants removed and I go, what are you going to go do Shakespeare in the park now

1:33:39 And then I'd meet them Like I watched Chappelle this week. and i was super bummed out when i heard that you only got to film one night yeah because i like The reason why I did a couple of extra bits in other shows that I figured out a way to I got lucky. understand what i was doing like i was i was going the the bit was about the guy that broke into the

1:36:21 I was like, do you hear what I'm saying? Just let the bit play out, stupid. the only one i did i got done and sat in tim's house by my, all my friends went back to Philly and New York. Yeah. I don't know. You're a fucking hilarious comedian. It's ready. And maybe three. It really did. it'll pay off. Absolutely. He'll work the room. He'll fuck around a little he's super loose and relaxed

1:40:29 I was excited. It was crazy. Nether? Yeah. So we all get in the SUV. And everyone's staring at you. We were lit. It was fun. It's fun watching you. You know what I mean? Get out of here. we were kind of smoking and he was like yeah Usually schizophrenics. about some things. Yeah. If you have 300 million people in this country, you have 3 million schizophrenics, right? So if you have- It's a lot. It's a lot. So if you have 300 million people in this country,

1:44:17 You see that guy, Jamie? He was walking around after he body slammed these scooters. Give me one of those. So you'd go in and just be, dude. just like screaming at a lady. It's fucking hilarious. You know, he's got that crazy internet fame where it hit him over the last i will say like three or four years yeah it's like ramped up pretty significantly

1:46:14 And it's like, that's crazy. Of course, but I'm saying that's- It was a small luxury rental car company. Like what? That's what people say when you come to this podcast. Yeah. Well, you're how many Bud Lights in now? What are we talking about? You've got to stop reading comments. Reddit's wild. Yeah. And attacking the libs and, you know, and calling them pussies and saying we're going to punch them in the face and all that kind of shit.

1:49:02 Yeah. Feels bad, man. Yeah. Well, we played the Radiolab podcast. They found the flag. And that was funny. please know that we hear you and that we take these criticisms to heart. I feel awful that the things we said could be interpreted that way. us he will not divide us freaking out yeah and he puts up this flag and uh they found the flag And they just looked at the sky in the background and figured it out.

1:52:16 That's what they were saying they were doing. exactly what it was. The whole time I was like, Oh, God damn it. That's just how I feel. I mean, what was that? This is a neighborhood. comedy. No, it's more neurosurgeons than there are stand-ups. No. like that is one of the saddest things when you see like an open mic or who you've seen He's like, I forgot about you.

1:55:17 like you want to tell them like you're probably good at something this isn't the thing i had a I can bring to open? It was right when Four Loko came out. our feature bailed. I did so badly that there was a guy in the front row. I was like, I don't know what this is. And he was like you want to be a teacher Like if he said, can you do 20? I did tell the story wrong.

1:58:26 just getting fucking hammered. and then I had to leave to go do this show, and I bombed. And the club owner was like, yeah, this guy is a piece of shit. That was about as bad as it could get. I moved to, dude. I had zero. When did it start rolling for you? I moved to Philly. And then I was like, all right, I can do this. Had you graduated from college?

2:00:17 Unless you want to be a teacher. Crimes against. I didn't work on the cars. People would be like, what's wrong with my car? i'd be like a fucking uh you know the thing rotor and so what clubs are you And more are coming. to be there's got to be more folks here. I know, Giannis is coming down. It's just like, there's a good talent pool here. I would have had the club up already.

2:03:39 It's all good. Right here, it's pretty good. The whole idea of comedy is a lot of comics just need a little help. Buy a club. Yeah. Yeah. If you want to talk about all of the people in stand-up comedy that are important, She that her whole thing was yeah the inmates are running the SI That's funny. A couple, you know, two decades ago it was the right.

2:06:42 They're less aggressive in their desire to stop you from doing I was a bully. That is real. And it's also people that they don't have a lot of And that's what it is. fuck them fuck this i think they have that and i've been there you know what i mean like i've On the road and you gotta have Phil Friday night It's exhausted. I've had some of those fuckheads on my show before.

2:10:00 It is hard to be honest. Yeah, I get it. Yeah. I'm a rebel. It does hurt. Yeah. It does hurt. It it. I'm friends with them. It does hurt. Especially when you know. Okay. Not here for a long time. We're here for a good time. Laura Michaels isn't even American. Yeah. Yeah. They're resentful it bothers them like to be an island to be one person alone you know like yeah this is what people feel about me man i'm affecting people changing culture yeah

2:14:56 or you're not supportive. All those guys fucking sucked. Yeah. I met you, Louis, Chappelle, Burr, everybody. That's his outlook on everything. Burr is an interesting cat because he's not Yeah. You ever try to do that? You're like, Jamie, put this on. producer ben so ben is sitting there laughing at everything he says so he's got like this one I thought of this fucking guy.

2:17:36 But he's a gem. Joe Rogan. And you're like, what? I was waiting for more. I know, I know, I know. I should have It would have been me. She's not just getting cancelled Fuck it. Now she's fat. True. I think she was a Victoria's Secret model. Yeah, he's a hot guy. I shouldn't be speaking on these people. Who crushed you? Yeah. I like Kaleem Kweli. He's a really good person.

2:21:39 Yeah, he's great. I don't really pay attention to Twitter. get the fuck off here. i had while i was getting canceled by these people that have always gone after me they've always like in Philly the alt scene always we always had a problem which was They will if they have to. Jamie was a super social justice warrior. If someone does that seriously unironically Mike, okay, could the fire my favorite is like she they

2:24:16 New York comedian she's great They don't have to put in any extra effort. They don't feel like they fit into gender norms. And you just want to be they them doing it for brownie points. Of course. or I'm a racist or a sexist or a homophobe or a transphobe, I say fuck you because I for no apparent reason I like it one's gonna die yeah it's gonna be wild one's

2:27:12 It's a weird way to die. It's a Viking funeral, dude. I believe that's true. There's something about like the New Orleans, the Orleans. Did he have a heart failure? Like people say, you know he died in Vegas? I hope a lady says something. No. He just feels his heart twitching every now and then. Yeah. I hope I spontaneously combust. I don't want to be there when that happens.

2:30:46 Clear. My friend Spud, shout out Spud, shout out Billy. See, I'd always done mushrooms, but I always did, like, a little bit. Ooh. I went like blind. So you started on that. It's funny the way you describe it. Wow. You never really die. Do these and he gave one of them about some combination of drugs? The mushrooms thing. It was crazy. It is. And if that's the case, but if that's the case, what is happening?

2:36:08 yeah I woke up the next day like bro I got to change a lot of things right so that's the thing people that are like we were outside So that makes me think, like, what is that? Foot of my bed, there's a long spindly shadowy figure just standing there and it was fully whoa and i was like it gave me fucking chills like it's common and everybody sees the same thing

2:38:28 Yes, and super luminous, Yeah, yeah, yeah, and they're like this. And I was like, oh, you're right. when you're worried about what people think about you and there's like a thing if you take yourself Whatever it was. And they all started nodding like that. god there's so many of you it was like fractal there was like a like like who If it's true. They're right.

2:41:19 where like there's that trauma, the jesters, whatever, Like, no one, there's no director, there's no producer, it's just you. You stumble on your words. I just started doing the cellar and everybody there hadn't seen me do standup. what do I have anything else? Like, if you're just doing arenas, you're not going to write new material. it's an A club.

2:43:12 goes up there occasionally. to a place like that You have to do jiu-jitsu. And a guy who failed. who's one of the top coaches in Vegas, Yeah, when he blocks it. Man. It's truly insane. Conor's done, he doesn't have the anger anymore or the drive to become a champ anymore. never an indication of like what can happen in the future because people can type fights where like you're

2:46:52 He's had Yeah. That Conor-Diaz two, though. You can't go right back to Dustin. I mean, that's my guy. He should have gone after him. Yeah. And people who don't know that, they should shut the fuck up. Well, that was one thing that really popped up that I was trying to express You asked me because I was wearing a Notre Dame polo or whatever. that guy's gonna win dude oh and in the same interview connor connor was like, well, that guy's going to win, dude.

2:50:30 I think it was Rafael Dos Anjos, Look at Nate. Better step it up for this one. No, there's no emotions in it. He knows this is the real deal. You'll know Saturday night. Better hope. If he's still conscious when he hits the mat, A boa constrictor wrapping around a gazelle. at the time. No, never. Can I just say something right now? about to engage in the most important fight

2:54:08 2015? it enough to not have guys on fucking Fox Sports, whatever. And it just reminds me of an injured gazelle. People don't know what that means. Gazelle. Right. People don't know what that means. It's in America. Take your top off. People don't know what that means. And it's just, he's like, Nate, we're talking money. She's talking to Connor and she's like, what's your plan?

2:55:47 She goes, how are you doing right now? Five years later. was like this kid is doing he's moving in a very special way actually you know what there's a good He goes, come on over here. this is just him expressing himself our friend from the podcast I'm gonna frame that He's probably literally like the richest guy that ever really wanted to fight hard.

2:58:29 Because he's smart. There's nothing like when Connor was like, Dude. What is that? Bro, he smashed everybody. Poirier came close. But When he was a little kid Don't talk to me about fighting. Yeah, Max was cutting weight, Of course, that's how fighting goes. Like, the last fight that he had with Calvin Cater is, like, I get upset about comments. yeah Nate Nate's even khabib Connor and Connor needed khabib he needed someone

3:02:55 Yeah, bro. because khabib wasn't done people were talking shit on the side of the ropes or the side of the He's like, I'm from fucking Dagestan. He's one of the best, for sure. This is why I never got into pro wrestling. Yeah. Francis Ngannou talking about working in the sand mines when he was 10 years old, But he's also the greatest heavyweight of all time.

3:05:27 superior genetics. All those things collide I want you to read this quote. Jackass 4 will feature Francis Ngannou. Ngannou? What? I want you to read this quote. My balls hurt. I was like, are you kidding me? Like, did he extend his legacy yet? It's not good. Ruptured his testicle. Does it get larger when you get bigger? If they made Derek Lewis, it's almost like they shouldn't have heavyweights.

3:08:00 It's like Russell Peters' dad would say, somebody's going to get hurt real bad. Fight in Ghana the highest percentage of accuracy. monster. He's a monster. He just keeps coming towards. You can't keep doing that. No, no, Like, if he stops a fight, I go, man, maybe he's seeing some shit I'm not seeing. I think you're probably absolutely right, Best post-fight interview.

3:10:40 The guy. Oh, dude. Well his brother just signed to fight who'd he sign to fight? like everybody else gets tired. They have insane He goes, no, five times now. I believe he pretended to lie down Nice Gillian Keeves on YouTube, All right.