Joe Rogan Experience #1694 — Ms. Pat & Jordan E. Cooper Transcript

Transcript

0:00 The Joe Rogan Experience. I was nervous. Your show is fucking good. At least a few episodes. Because I was like, if Joe like it, then I feel like it was a seal, And when I hit you back, hey, and he was like, I'm in the Mediterranean. What kind of riddle is this? you was at. I'm fucking up the word so that day Joe It was so hard with a comedy because to me, comedy is so rehashed.

2:31 And a lot of it is my stand up. I really don't want to watch it dick with no condom. And so She said the N i'll jump again I like for – I first saw Pat like maybe – I was a senior in high school. I remember that show. You'll love her. wrote this play called ain't no more that went to the public in New York what's it called it was called Ain't No Mo and it was at the public

5:05 Goddamn, you're talking with your hands. Now you're out here You didn't hear? This is how you get Dick. because when Lee first not to sound like comedian I'll get paid tomorrow and I ain't going no goddamn where. And when I met him, I said, he could do it. They don't want you until somebody else done fucked you and bust your booty hole. it's true until somebody else

7:24 to fancy dinners job, let me show you how to get this job. He said, So when we finished it, what? but if I tell them we're gonna get you a writer I said She called Lee and she sent it to Lee. And he was like, just drop out of college. Go buy you some grocery have a final draft. I said, nigga, take my credit card. Take my debit card. Go buy you some grocery and buy a final draft.

9:56 And so, like, it was funny where, like, I would write a draft of something and I would send it over to her. You know, because you look at all those old shows. About as close as you can get. They scared to step outside the box. get to be 46 and they've got all this stuff behind him and then they're worried about offending or down twice for what I did not believe

12:02 never give me as much as I could steal. It's me. Don't be scared to come on over to BET Plus, white people. They was I'm not going to say dumb question, because when you're not familiar with a person court culture, they was asking like one of the kids name is Janelle. come alive and they were like all right cool let's do multi-cam and then once they read the script

14:52 telling y'all out there, what are you hiding from She really is. Elsa from Frozen? Yeah, she blown away. And I was like, why did you What is that? Oh, that's the one Two Girls, One Cup is like one of the first videos where people would do reactions. other's mouths right it's you want to see no i do not want to see that what happens to just I saw one talk to two kids

16:46 Shit. I was a mom. But there was a whole bunch of those. Is that For selling? So I took his DVDs, and I was selling them at the bathroom for $5 a pop. I was in alternative school for about two months. Peanut butter sandwiches for lunch. Because he was silly as fuck. I wonder where he got that. Wow. How long was this process between the time that you had your first deal and you actually filmed the pilot that I saw?

19:44 And you're like, what the hell is going on? You know that shit. the 90s there was only sitcoms it was there was no reality shows back then so sitcoms were on who listened to Marin which is Ron Howard. wrap my head on the wall. pick up on spirits the weirdest shit. And you've got all of these executives. Let me so I said, He said, Because you know, And I was like, no.

22:23 I ain't did this shit in a long goddamn time. Because if they hear me read out loud today, We sat around the table She was actually surprising. But we practiced I fucked them up, Joe. And Dave Chappelle learned a lot of how to do street performance from him. so I'm not illiterate so he but I just have to brush up on shit but they gave him Saturday Night Live he was that good and he would have been a giant star how did it go it didn't they fired him cause he couldn't read cause he couldn't read? Because he couldn't read. Yeah.

24:56 We got a nice mixed crowd. But I'm not going to fuck with the Puerto Ricans, man, because you're all born with I've never heard of him. But also, I think it's about also taking time with people like that. Yeah. Like, just actually take the time to be like, here's your line. i said they're not gonna pick it up and everybody's like what are you talking about i said my inner

27:46 I said, they're not going to pick it up. His energy bounced off mine. not going to like it. Then they tested it. It was I said, that energy that I felt off that certain person that day, they probably tested it again and what was so crazy They told us Chicago Hulu was not gonna pick it up I mean they What the fuck does that mean? Like nobody had like said fucking motherfucker and all this stuff and talked about, literally

31:09 yeah do people enjoy the shit out of it yeah then it's premium that's what i thought and that's what yep I got a call from didn't I was like what I said what is BET plus because I don't watch a lot of TV because I'm so Really? I be screaming at my left. was in office, in it and blow it up, But what I'm supposed to do if I marry a man who got fucking dry balls?

33:18 The cum ain't no good. Here we go. So you're pregnant yourself. I'd want to put a slide down That's a good question. fuck you joey if somebody gave you a std they had to get a bus uh back in the day when you had a std and uh So when does your show start and I think they're gonna I had never heard porn Yes. not to use that is and when I heard Matt Damon said it was like that's what the episode is about

37:15 in the south. It's a black thing in the south. It's a southern thing. so I stopped saying it. you can't say that. there it is, Those two girls are bull daggers? It's like, oh, it's funny how like, especially black people in those conversations, it feels You know, Tim Dillon.. You know Tim Dillon? And he's like, what the fuck? That's what the episode is about.

39:25 I mean, I don't know. it was a weird conversation, Right. They were like, all right, what is everybody's pronouns? I'm going to just call you by your name. Yeah. one of the kids Nata Shema when people You're free. if you haven't seen it. what she wants to say because you get to talk Yeah, that's smart though because you got to capture those things you forget him

43:02 her weave have a little curl coming down. Like, I just always loved. it was just like i just studied like i just i've just been doing it all my life i watched uh i love Oh, yeah. And you could tell she got into it after a while. There's a lot of movies from the 90s. Oh, arachnophobia. that's from 1979, I go, basically they had been married for like five years right and then lucy was like oh i'm losing

45:35 And so they were like. Like, why? This is good. that was there so basically desi was the one who created this like three camera audience setup that And that's because hed it looks like it was shot like last week and that's because he The corrupt government that was there before Castro overtook it. I was like, what the fuck? shit. I, you know, great aunt.

48:44 they telling the Wow, same kids. I just walk in the house with the kids uh he really wanted to do and i don't want too much push back on shit but I was like uh it was about being We shouldn't do this. You know, we did one on my uh my baby daddy right Riding home the night you filmed it? There was something so beautiful about it. wrong with she's like I just want to thank you so much for being you know let

52:39 You know, everybody fight against something. that stuck to my bones all the time. I don't try to be. It doesn't have to be funny all the time. Because I remember the network was like, at one point, they were like, all right, we're and I'm like you gotta I said I'm tired of telling this man I love him because you know when you when And I'm like, I said, you're going to have to stop

54:32 But I think some of the scenes because it keeps them when you watch whenever she comes out and she's like, that just keeps them connected. You had J. Bernard Calloway, who was a fucking theater actor. I said, I don't give a fuck yeah I said we all stars When we was in L.A. and the extras had to wait till the stars, And it was like, nobody's ever done that.

56:53 it started from the top down, the white camera means they was all white camera means and they after they told us they said we happy to be there. They're nervous. because the first two weeks in streaming, Did you finish it? Nobody knew what the fuck that was. Really? Really? It's supposed to be the secret thing that nobody's supposed to know about. No, you would know.

1:00:00 And then they calculate based on, you know, the actual number of humans there are in this How much is BET Plus? So they do have a lot of the black old sitcoms like Martin and Rock and Fresh Prince. do with Pat. I'm trying to do like a comedy But we was watching one yesterday, and it was so fucking funny. Yes, we are. It's very theatrical. you shouldn't ask these people for all their money like that.

1:02:28 So I would block my seat off, usually for a white man, wrote it but then he come up he said I think the plane should open up I said like keep asking motherfucker it was so dumb because they were like they were we were looking It's not that R-rated. Did you tell him about when you had dinner with Phylicia Rashad? I said what the fuck is wrong with your sister Debbie

1:05:08 We just fucking love her. What? everybody wants the new thing, we promise you, these motherfuckers again I said, keep typing, motherfuckers. Wow. show and we edited it together. like as soon it was like it was like the three You know, I'm young. hard time believing that someone would push back on her directing it man you'd be surprised i'm not Bean sprouts.

1:08:09 And I was like, just stupid. That's why shows like South Park is the best example. They don't even have to talk to Oh, my God. But I didn't know that you couldn't bring that in the writing room. When you say in trouble, like what happens? Yeah. Why would anybody fuck with your chemistry, like who you are? she just wasn't used to having to like communicate in a way where,

1:10:16 you know what I mean? the problem is if someone's writing shit that's not funny and they think it's funny they're And that was the hard part. start from scratch yeah i mean i had a joke in my shit a board game boy i'm like nigga please getting them gigs and they're used to right so when you challenge that they're like what are you But meanwhile, that show made a fucking billion dollars.

1:12:57 middle of a pandemic but i still wanted to fight for a live studio audience i was like how are we Shoot the episode without an audience and then shoot the episode with the audience. I'm sure. coach over the phone we did it zoom but it helped so fucking much really it really did help me she you know, she taught me how to It really did. You were like, I ain't doing no goddamn therapy.

1:15:02 Because I wanted to make sure that everything was just right. Like both of us, she would call me at like five o'clock This shit done dried my puss out. They worked hard. We rewrote the whole fucking season. A lot of writing. But it makes sense with the way through, because my daughter wrote on the show. She wrote that. Especially if you get some person 32 years old who has been writing sitcoms for the last two years,

1:17:52 And even then, they'd probably be too timid to write the way you speak. It's important because if you don't say it, then they just do it the way they wrote it and then it sucks. right and he said he said sometimes to the point where they didn't even want him in the writer's especially yours because it's so unusual, like try fun. It's hard to do. because he's fresh

1:20:02 I was like, oh my God, I'm so happy Yeah. When I was loaning you That's what I loved the most To get put on TV But then it's like, when you Like they did all that so she could do the Miss Pat show on BET+. it's one thing for a person to be themselves. is taking a comedian and recreating their voice for a show. it's not going to be huge i really can't i think it's going to be huge i really do it's fucking

1:23:12 This is like vitamin. It's nasty. You ain't lying about that. You got me fucked up. a macaroni and cheese I feel like I'm sucking cow titty. So when you drink almond milk it's good What does that have to do with milk? I don't understand. Women running around here with blood on they self and KFC. See, they don't know because that ain't real chicken.

1:25:38 chicken. No, no, no. I'm trying to explain to you. If you buy like a chicken from 50, 60 years ago, it took a long time for those chickens to get large. The reason why they use antibiotics with cows, though, is because they're feeding them things you can keep them from getting ill, Do you buy your meat from the grocery store? God damn it, Do you have a moment of silence?

1:27:57 the grocery store i do i still buy meat at the grocery store but for the most part i like to But if you put a baby mouse in a room with chickens, they will swarm on it faster than a cat. A rat will not survive five seconds in a chicken coop. They were fighting over it. It was wounded, but it was still alive, and we had to bring it to this wildlife rescue center.

1:29:53 Now you want to raise it? chicken coop i put this thing down and they knew exactly what it was they just wow they've And runs over and steals it from the cat. See this cat? Look at that chicken. Look at him tearing it apart. I didn't know. They're pecking each other. No, I didn't kill it. And they were trying to talk me into not killing it right there and then.

1:32:37 And I don't know how these rats got in my house, big-ass rats. motherfucking rats trying to get my baby. back when the other rat said, these niggas killing was i had a c-6 with my son so it was just me and one other kid had to stay home and help me I said, yeah. at LAX. They had shit all I think it's still on Instagram somewhere. Oh those are great

1:35:20 Wow And my daughter started laughing I saw the cats I was parked there for 11 days Yeah. Took it somewhere. They knew. do that on purpose. They do it at Disneyland too, you know. so I was doing a radio interview and She said, I didn't think you wanted to pay that much. well that i only wrote three rides but when i tell you uh i felt i kind of felt embarrassed a little

1:37:32 I felt bad a little bit And so they was like, Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they strap you in. I'm telling you, it is 100% the greatest ride I've ever been on by far. You could feel the breeze and shit. i stayed at the um what did i stay the uh contemporary it was okay but i'm on my way back for But I just feel like I'm with family. Okay. Fuck you, Jordan.

1:40:28 It's hot out there. He's like, I can fucking walk. scooter. So you took a ride to get on the We had so much fun. You have to stay till we all can afford We're going to do a bake sale. to do park hopping again. So we're walking to the resort. It's 18 bucks. you ain't used to seeing white folks Ain't you on vacation? Celebrating I had a t-shirt for And the whole weekend.

1:43:22 Yeah. Animal Kingdom. she's like, well, I never heard of Disney you anything, Joe. If I'm broken, I need ride? The one where you get on a boat? Yeah. Disney will take you on a bass fishing tour. can you keep the bass no i don't like that kind of fishing yeah release them yeah i want to catch they get when you're fishing with them like they survive off of minnows that are swimming around

1:46:26 so out of the five years that makes a lot of sense you learn something I didn't think that so like I've always there it's like who the knows hundreds of thousands of fish that's to see i'm not used to It tastes like french fries. She used to fry the catfish head I wish Chris was in because he knows everything Get the fuck out of here. Have I ever fucked after I had salmon?

1:48:56 See, what does it say? There you go. I would if you jiggled me. this should be an episode of your show about how to time how you When I can eat, Yeah, if you're horny. I'm at the point now, and I know you probably don't want to hear this shit because you're a man. And this is when you hit menopause? in between your titties They say that oysters Right. They're like, yeah, it's very sexual. Yeah way you eat them is very sexual. The way people eat oysters. Right.

1:51:35 Zinc is good for hormones. No, no, that's not what I mean. What do they do for hot flashes? But then we grow neck hair. What are the risks? It didn't risks there's no okay where are the risks They look good on you. soy regularly are less likely to report hot flashes Ginseng. They always like to talk about it. well you know I'm African American you know? My friends be like,

1:55:24 Doesn't it like take a little bit longer to grow back that vagina hair block the air Or just wear pants. on his eyebrows how'd he crawl up there yeah yeah wow Brown Mall and I go up to I said, bitch, if you don't give me that package to use this shit. Joe, I just took the medicine yeah for sure to go pick up the medication And a lot of them come from animals, right?

1:58:56 Some woman was trying to keep her husband at home How's that happen? The monkey's the scapegoat. The pussy is too high. The monkey did it. He's like, do you know how hard it would be to hold a monkey down and fuck it? You can't beat the axis if when you call someone a big wig? Do you know what that And so they got these big fucking crazy wigs. Not only losing their hair, they lost their teeth. they'd get holes in their face wild shit that's

2:02:16 So they would have literally their fucking skin would be rotting out. how did they name his syphilis was that from somebody it's a good question i don't know They didn't even know what diseases. Heads falling off. they still wear those powdered wigs. big i understand okay no worries hey don't get confused don't think all the and a way to visually draw on the supremacy of law, says Newton.

2:05:17 sitting by the courthouse door. You pick up one and put it on your head It looks like shit. Like, they still have a queen over there close together because they all fucked each other's cousins. See if you can find some pictures of and this dog's all fucked up. Jesus Christ. out like you got to think like how much of that inbreeding shit like ruined generation after

2:08:01 I'm talking about the nose and how narrow the face is. I think they look worse. I know some long-chinned bitches like that. She was a sex slave in China. Even like when people talk about Greece. Greece was a democracy, sure, for a little while, That's why they're scared of masks and fighting on planes. So many people are just scared. And so I'm at the Miami airport and starting to open, shit starting to open back up.

2:11:05 I'm from a tribe sir he said but I'm so happy to see people i said like got divorced from in new york nobody wanted to live in florida i don't want to live. Like, unless you were running from somebody that you, like, got divorced from in New York, And they alligator walk around like Yeah, we was not far from that resort. Really? And sometimes Florida gets 30 degrees.

2:13:20 You imagine that's how you go. like all the pythons and everything, it's all just people's pets. They killed all the raccoons, all the marsh hares, all the deer. And this alligator is like, fuck you. Here, look at this. There's so many of them. They're all freaking go to Florida. Yeah, it's a battle of the monsters. It hurts my feelings. But there's a photo of a, see, Google photo alligator.

2:16:14 Yeah, so that is a python that died trying to eat an alligator. is this is monster soup out there who go there? Crazy white people with those fan boats. swamp people. first of all, Those Louisiana people You wouldn't eat alligator? I've had alligator at a restaurant before In Florida but it was like frozen alligator Alligators apparently taste very good

2:17:54 And it was fried And they had like this Especially if you're near the coast. Catfish is delicious. They eat everything. But God, they're good. Maybe who's preparing it. I've seen people doing that. I will. I love watching your videos. get the fuck off I went to a summer camp one time I just like being in the wild if you wouldn't let Yeah. I didn't even know bears eat you all the way.

2:21:41 Hey, bear, I ain't taking baths today. and, you know, outdoors type shit. I think they eventually found it and killed it. Really? then they rush you. I didn't know about him. really close-up pictures of bears and he just To a grizzly? No, you gotta where people don't hunt humans which is most of the United States the only place close up with the bear.

2:25:13 everybody his. Because the females, They don't give a fuck. on where you're going yeah i don't like camping though i really don't i don't like sleeping on It's not a good way to sleep. too. They like the idea of being rugged. Yes, exactly, right? And they're usually not where the people are so you got to get Killed him with a Bible in his hand. They did.

2:28:12 But they're never going to. And they probably have an inbreeding problem too. like dressed up like Roman soldiers and take pictures with them and shit. Yeah, so that's the guy. but then the question is should they do that because if they did that and then they took But should someone allow them to move off the island and come to civilization? I think you should mind your fucking business.

2:31:29 have metal. Like, they don't have. Well, I'm saying and then they think they might have salvaged some metal from that ship because they think they've Because they're not sure if they have fire. So they're worried about molestation? I guarantee you they want to put a hotel on the island. and now they work there. Yeah, so they have a lot of bows and arrows yeah i'm not with them they folks right what they want

2:34:08 Hey, he knocked on their door. That's why you got eaten, because you were in their house. No, that's where I disagree. I'll kill the gets eaten by a shark, you can't go kill the shark because you was in their house. That's why you got eaten because you were in their house. Yeah. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying with the shark. I showed up with a gun.

2:35:10 I'm not saying Sharks do not ever feel threatened. That's a good point. But if you saw someone kill one of your friends, if you saw a shark kill one of your friends, It's not a person, so you can't blame it. I'm getting the fuck out They're like these big metal suits with spikes popping out of them. I think Kanye was wearing. Ah! It does. Look, that's it. they've developed, I think they started out in Siberia. I think what Kanye was wearing.

2:36:59 I mean, you're going to have to ask that dude. That is what he's wearing. That is wild. If Kanye had food stamps, black people would buy it for $3,000 a pop. build houses he wants to like develop like communities that are self-reliant communities looked slow he looked unhappy exactly and you know like he i mean he's just he it was a droopiness Well, in this day and age where everybody has to wear a mask, that's the solution in his mind.

2:39:36 What is this? on the Ivy Park shoes. I can't wear shit somewhere else we're going to redesign i was like okay but then uh jamie got covet jamie was not And so then all of a sudden we're on FaceTime. And people, He really is. And don't forget the face mask. What if you become a gigantic star and the show becomes huge? Yeah. Hey, y'all, no makeup. I said, I'm going to do it on mine, mine and i'm gonna airdrop you the picture so snapchat allow you to put on makeup

2:43:07 I didn't think I liked to talk that much. It relieves me every week. ah there you go where can you work out Laughing Skull's a little spot. just right i'm just right outside the perimeter my husband don't like to be close to the neighbors when you say that, I'm like, well, I'm just being honest. He used to buy him pussy on Saturday to slow down his

2:45:39 last week when I was in Indiana, this girl was like, of Cat Williams. He just don't, he won't come. your fucking o's and ahs. I take the darkest shit in my life, and I tell them each and every night. he cheated himself. I could be dwelling on I grew up with a fucked up mama, clunky at all no you. You guys did it. Joe Rogan is getting BET Plus. You ever do, Joe

2:48:19 Hopefully it comes out the gate I really do. Come on. Thank you Jordan