Joe Rogan Experience #1700 — Eleanor Kerrigan Transcript

Transcript

0:00 the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day Was it a popular podcast or was it? It had the whole feel. Like even Bill Simmons. They're running around, clipboards. Yeah, but still. Just being around you. I remember when you were a waitress, it's a harder life. For people who don't know, Eleanor and I have been friends for like fucking 26 years.

2:36 Yeah. So, but she my favorite hacks. Yes. But there was me wear heels she likes that she don't like that she hates that and i was like you fuckers like that was like a food car it was like a train car it was a Yeah, it was a train car. It still is. It's still there. They have hot dogs. Simple food. Did you get like a chili burger? where you were like you can't fire three waitresses and i'm brand new so they're like hey can you take

6:05 I know. Getting to open in front of your crowd. They laugh. comedy. You did a lot of acting and pro wrestling and that other stuff you did. I think Robert Schimmel, who's one of the greats- Yeah. And he was so friendly. So he brought him like Tootsie Pops or something. we're all sitting in this room screaming, laughing. Yeah, he was phenomenal. Yes, he's great.

9:41 So we're all in stripper goddess rooms. But he took a chance. Oh, yeah. That pasta sauce, It's great. It's really good stuff. were a bum because one of my security guys had seen you last week with dice and he was raving And he's like, yeah, the girl from Philadelphia. room. Cause I was so nervous. And I really was thinking it was a one woman show. And I was like, I'll just work it out in the belly room.

12:24 It's always bad is your bread and butter. while they're actually waitresses. and they'd go, I think I could do that. What's the numbers? I could probably do a skit or two. They always had to be comics. Like, hey, buddy. Yeah. Like, you know, like I always think of Rick Ingram because we do the Comedy Store podcast after the tupac shooting uh well the tupac shooting happened um here's the thing it's

16:01 So she was in the main, in the original room hey, Susie Chapstick, So she, and his people he was still outside his people were arguing and then it turned into a shootout Why are you saying his name on the podcast? They signed Chris Tucker. Chris was already getting hot, you know, whatever. So that was an easy And Holtzman goes up and the first joke doesn't land.

19:11 losing it right and I'm but fuck I'm putting drinks down whatever so Martin starts heckling He was like, shit. I loved Martin. and three quarters of the crowd would get up and walk out. It was the best. expressions his mannerisms his writing everything was on point his show was great his show was There were so many hours involved on that show. leaving and catering like because

22:21 that be any more wrong you Guy Torre, Imagine saying And they were, nobody was paying any attention. But occasionally, and it's not all agents, because my agent's amazing. I would be friends with her no matter what, even if she was never my agent. I have zero... all the times, So what a manager's job is supposed to be is look at you, Eleanor, and go,

24:44 We got a call from them. We're going call from HBO. We got a call from them. other things that are actually going to wind up paying you more money. But that's, throughout history people have done that. You're right though. Oh, yeah. of my life. Yeah, it's ridiculous. No, bitch. I'd rather give that money to charity. Managers are really important. these comics, young comics.

27:41 the comics would get agents or managers, For people who don't remember, the Jamie Kennedy experiment, which was on, I forget what network it was on, is one of the all-time best prank It was a thing where he would... this guy would film girls going crazy at bars Yeah, shit that you would pass right through on TikTok. And these guys are like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

29:28 It's not good. Influencers are pretty, yeah. But if you, like the big thing with Hollywood But there was always rumors. You want to be a star? It's less desperate. We got one Wonder Woman. You know anybody? How many people are on this planet? I'm exaggerating, I think. As long as it's not Joe Biden. for him to be running shit it's exactly this whole thing is crazy what's the number of people i want

32:37 So basically eight. I like that trick, but I don't eat fish. But actual like, let's just We're going to stop. Yeah, El Paso's where Freddy Soto was from. The Alamo is the size of a small bank. It's very small. Oh, there you go. Right. they've come up with all this. They just put the mask mandate in effect that day. at the gym it's like listen don't go to the gym because you're you're not gonna run with a mask

35:30 I really didn't feel safe, but I enjoyed it. It was fun. I'm like, mom, do you have any surgical masks? Yeah. Spitting each other. Jamie's are like super human. technically some people have it worse than others but the whole year and a half was just so Right. it got into her blood system so it made so it's totally non-covid related right and but it was in

38:06 because she was feeling that fatigued and then she wound up getting COVID them to send her home. We put antibiotics. went back to la i did shows with like bill burr and a couple other people then when i tested You were never. And my family started testing positive. Like Bill, he was like, I hope it's because I didn't know if it was like a false positive.

40:48 but we were sitting around talking No, everybody got tested and they tested negative. There's a real question as to everybody would have felt terrible yeah i've never given anybody nobody got it see the thing is no things people have health troubles they have emotional troubles they have mental health something right but they're only feeling it because they're rigorously exercising so they're

43:11 I can't do this. Yeah. Jimmy Kerrigan. Why you got him in the minors? One, two, three. jim if you go running i want to go with you he goes yeah so he calls me up he's like you know murphy those wrestling coaches the fake wrestling coaches and coach hurwitz no in high school like So, catch on. It's a skills game. Conditioning is a different thing. just get it straight there's no way they're in the kind of shape that soccer players are in what

46:55 They can't have a second of hesitation hardest things to do. Yeah. But it's a skill no your voice is too high oh yeah is it do i have a high voice way high crazy i think mine's too high my brothers would kill me if i have a high voice? Way high. Crazy. I think mine's too high. That's the standard. Good point. She's like right there. with me and so she put me in a dress I play I think I play rumble fumble in my communion dress

49:49 I didn't know I was going to be a wrestler. And so she so I go, you know what? with her were you explained yeah so she was like oh my god why would you do that why would you do you're missing. She's out of control. The Forum in LA. gonna call the match so she called it in my ear and i'm like what does that mean and watch what gonna call the match and you'll see me i'm going to the wrong side like what what what did you say

53:37 He didn't give a shit. Like why are you Well, if you imagine that In 1882, Edison helped light up parts of Manhattan, but progress was slow. Chicago's World Fair. It stars Benedict Cumberbatch. Do they still have World Fairs? world fair go to that image to be fair it'd be really hard to take pictures of this too at the to the left of that? and then one day

56:35 Because it was so clear. you call the skyline a little bit but you can still see the stars. Right, that's what I was thinking. Power to do that in terms of human history is just the last couple hundred years. Oh, I see what you mean like it's new new power power to do that in in terms of human history And then like if I even L.A. freaks me out sometimes it's too uh country open

59:15 Like they wouldn't enjoy it. how infantilized I never say that, but thanks for making me sound stupid. Whoa. I don't think that. I go, look up. They freak people out. And then I always think of that. that just my brain would go to, we have to survive. No. And also if it's used the wrong way. also if it's used the wrong way because it's And like, he was in a wheelchair.

1:03:01 and because I'm obsessed with David Goggins, This is awful. He's amazing. Talking to that inner bitch. day. So we can just chill the That's the greatest birthday on purpose right and and that's like we were talking about working out and shit like that. That's Andrew, too. But also, I've been very physically active since I was young. Depending on how bad the person is.

1:06:33 Every person's different. Is this guy really depressed? There's that. Who doesn't watch Rocky? so, so my thing is like, we were on top of each other. Like I do a joke about being in the room with my brothers. There really was seven of us sleeping in one room. It was me and all my And it started getting worse. You know, they're letting you know. Even though I work out, one of the things that Goggin said to me, and he goes, don't think I don't want to procrastinate.

1:09:51 And I've noticed friends and even family members that I've told that to, now they do it. It's not an even game. Everybody That's why, like, anybody tells you, like, eat what I eat. And some people, you know, like, what's healthiest for them is no meat. That's crazy talk. The reality of race is we're all the human race that But they're the same thing.

1:11:56 It's going to help your great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandchildren. a vitamin. No, I'm just kidding. Did you ever see, And, It was fun. And you can check those out. He thought Fred Sanford was hilarious. exposed to that kind of like uh you know outrageous humor like fred sanford and i didn't like where Like, Jesus Christ. It was so good.

1:15:16 Yes. it would make everybody laugh at the comedy store He was going on stage by himself. Yeah, he was great. She was hilarious too. coke on my cat she was the best but anyway so richard was doing just wednesdays and david would Richard Pryor just called me a bitch. If he's that far gone- Because Jen came to the back and she said he's on meds. This is for Richard.

1:19:16 In there, yeah. It was definitely experimenting with drugs. that Lenny Bruce had, He lived a wild life From the time he was born And he didn't want to pay him It's like Did you see Omit Logic, his special? But if you look at um there's a guy years old legitimately like it existed with mark twain arguably and with people before him and People had an infantile almost perception.

1:23:37 And then there was Richard. obviously. I mean, he partied, yes, It was on the road and stuff, just laughing at some of the great shit. Yeah. I think it does say real story even told me it was something different but i believe it it's a fucking bullet that he was No, what I'm saying is He shot a hole in the side. because he was mad at Andrew. and Andrew lived together

1:25:54 Nobody understands it. You should be happy. It was famine thinking. guys got bigger because of the internet. Go see Duncan Trostle. Oh, Once you see him, you go, exactly. there's there's not that many of us and it's better to be together in the Kinison and Dice Like I did Ryan Sickler's Honeydew podcast. He's so good. I'm like, really? Yeah. Yeah, you need to get on the right text message thread.

1:28:41 But this is- okay oh it's a doll He's like a philosopher and I've been friends with him for years in a weird way. don't want other people to come in because they feel like Everyone wants you to know on her thing. Yes, of course, there's going to be clicks in that. that's okay but no because i i think about like mitzi in the beginning when she would do

1:32:06 been amazing like wrestler like a vince mcmahon yes because she would do these fucking theme shows She's like, I'm going to find something that fits in there. Mike Marino. the store getting bomb threats for the arabian knights oh my god it was so good but she didn't wasn't there those kind of shows whenever there was those kind of shows about what he roasted me

1:34:20 No, you're right. She loves anime? And then this dude has to fight off demons. I wonder if I can get a part in this. Yeah, as a demon. Yeah, I was like that with Barbie dolls. I would cut the head off and i'm gonna be like oh my god like yeah i was She worked for the Phillies and the Eagles, too, as a beer girl. I think Tom Hanks writes like that. He was like, Forrest Gump?

1:36:53 he denies people the ability to buy his typewriters. No, I'm kidding. I got to think that's a $100,000 typewriter. How much is that worth? Right, if you're a comedy fan Have you seen, I do Coke like a person. You want Adderall? to write i'm trying to write the script about my mom i have two scripts that i'm half in how about Like if they switch to Android.

1:39:22 you please come with me in this yoga class. It's amazing. to join together I had a friend that took me to, she used to go to AA meetings, and then she was like, Is this a bit? So I got to go to this meeting. And I go, you, it's a meeting because I'm addicted to going to meetings. So I got to go to this meeting. Oh, really? The Meatloaf one when he came up and he hugged somebody, he's got a male boob in his face.

1:41:06 It's an amazing restaurant. And he goes, I just want to tell you my family loves Fear Factor. I'm like, I just met fucking Meatloaf. Rocky Horror Picture Show. I was going to. Meat Loaf and Stoney. Okay. Will you make me your wife? I'll give you an answer in the morning Will you make me your wife? Baby, baby. So good. Now what? Right? Listen to this.

1:45:06 We've got a big surprise. Why does that care? Stop fat shaming. Oh, look at her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The way it plays out. Listen. They start making out. They did it every night. It was silent movie theaters. Before we go. Forever do you need me? Will you never leave me? Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life? Baby, baby, let me sleep on it

1:48:42 Let me sleep on it. Was there a TV show, like American Bandstand that they played or something like that? We all understand this Jamie What's it gonna be boy He's fighting off demons. Before we go any further. Will you love me? Will you love me forever? Oh, yeah. Because if I gotta spend another minute with you, Wow. He's also got long hair. It's all that I can do.

1:52:08 During midnight screenings of Rocky Horror Picture Show. Yeah, but they were, yeah. Yeah. It made him a legend. I mean, he was like. Right, right. It was an amazing movie. Star Wars. I think your bow ties are bullshit. are those people. He was the It. Pennywise in the 1990. It was like this thick. What do you mean the tea? Where are we going? I read all of them.

1:56:10 Wow. And he grew up poor, you know? like look at the numbers and they thought the numbers were wrong on the first check they got Dirty pillows. She's like oh this whole scene lacks because blah blah I think it's There's certain things's like, the way a writer writes, like a guy getting access to their very thoughts. happening where you're you have to fill in the blank and it stimulates your mind in a different

1:59:30 Oh, Christine's great. But I think it was Cujo. because like even watching the movie, you get frustrated. But maybe in the book, it had more tension or something. Like, how many pages is Cujo? I was off by a hundred. I was thinking like five. I'm not a big reader. Holy shit. was like is there a movie i can't little women i think i did read little women there was like a

2:03:06 Boston was relatively safe back then. And I was doing that from the time I was 14. So until I bought a car, which I didn't get a car until I was like 17, 16, close to 17. Yeah. I'm like, I got eyes on every side. She's like, I'm dead. Yeah. Can you take a guess? I'll just take unders a year four. Yeah. Oh my god. so it says subway ridership is down,

2:06:47 i would say is a mistake well that's suicides would be people doing on purpose so you wouldn't There was a documentary about it. Maybe I'm wrong about the area, And so I've seen this underground You can see it. That's frightening. They stop, fall. There's no way they would build that today. Some folks would like to just push people onto the rail. I'm not laughing at it.

2:09:24 You know, Aaron Berg and Gino Bisconti. Is this the people you were complaining about earlier with the call sheet? subway eight in the morning in new york to do a podcast for my friends uh in hot water you know This is right before the pandemic hit. You forget that people do that every single day. It's so like 1920s. I've never been a morning commuter.

2:11:04 And this is just to get to work or go home. Like even cocktailings, nighttime. could you imagine seeing this many rats closest to okay you look at people a or the people that you're closest to. Okay. love and care about what one dies it's horrible so it changes your baseline yeah of how you look They look like cattle. That people lose You think of people being a detriment.

2:13:44 I'd be scared to go and that many if there was that many ducks ducks would start eating when there's only a million people versus 20 million. But I thought, man, I didn't know what to expect. crazy so i'm like okay most homeless people are crazy so leave them like you know that's normal but being on sixth street for like the past four nights no fucking problems yes there's homeless

2:15:32 Well, there was a defund the police thing going on here for a while. Yeah. Right. is we're going to give the cops any real changes to a system because the system has to be sturdy to handle this new pressure Like they had to have? It's like, well, what are you doing until after 10? and we've got to recognize that their life is a mess. Exactly. We're all different as fuck.

2:19:43 I'm into comedy. I love it when you guys would be like, I would always say that to Freddie Soto. And it is still hard. Because we do hang out. When I first started doing that, I guess it was like the late 90s, Chris was a guy where- Okay. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Just so I could do to host it. So I called up and I said, Mitzi, can I host it instead? And she said, okay.

2:22:38 learning the homeless open micers acts i'm like like, I can't do this anymore. showered in weeks. Yeah, I could do his act if you want. He was so into Johnny Very nice guy. He's a very, very sweet man. another mitzy beautiful thing she knew robert was you know didn't have a lot of money or whatever Yeah. And he goes, that's pay for my comedy. My stoner friends used to love it.

2:26:20 took me that long to find a job and And I was going everywhere looking for a job. But Anyway. they're not working. wait, You did? hey, I noticed you didn't call in. I was so upset. I was like, oh my God. And then like the next time, thank God he, okay. I was so upset. And because I would laugh so hard at him, everybody thought I was attracted to him.

2:28:39 no it's you're in your gaitism in. You were like his slick back hair. I'm not a good drinker. like I'm 100% Irish. Let me ask you this you're me and There's things that are connected. a thing that said the reason they give the irish i don't remember who wrote it or where i read it Aldo in like 14 seconds and wins the world title. I love Van Morrison.

2:31:09 why Irish and alcohol by the way, I ran over with your like on the table yeah on your table that's like a 50s diner thing. They always did that. It's a great song. It's chilling. It Yeah, I like that. It's chilling. and I still to this day, more fucked up me or him we were both blasted trashed and he's going i just remember him saying And when they drink, it gets like even slurrier.

2:33:43 I don't know why. Oh, Jesus. This is in Ireland. The problem is like gallons. So they're drinking that every day. million people it's not just whiskey. It's probably beer. Compared to the US, I'm kidding That's liters. And if I do more than three shots... Texas and California. There's no alcohol. So does Nevada, which is where Vegas, I mean, like I said.

2:37:09 That's why I think Texas Texas. difference in the... What's the population It's in songs. It never sleeps. I mean, I guess that might... So that's not right. Well, I guess there's a, Here's the question. It goes all the way down there. Includes a lot of different they're the boroughs because i took where you would if you live there how far would you travel

2:39:34 This is the place here. was Long Island. They're like, there's too many fucking people we're drinking. More than New York City. That's so true. It's like, that's hilariously texted. They're like, there's too many What do you mean like that? They tried that, right? There's no way they can manage this. We're doing it right now. Wait a minute. Oh, and by the way, since that time

2:41:59 Mitzi? No, I didn't. And I wasn't even like the boss yet. This was from a different time, Eleanor. He's gone forever. I never want to be around that many people. Right, you don't think of them as human. I'm like, that's fucking crazy. and someone drops one you're gonna be like fuck like, fuck, man! What are you doing? and you want to help each other.

2:45:16 It's fucking terrifying. We don't know what to do. Stay hard! And so, and I was like, I'll say something like, I'll just be talking to somebody. And I'm like, okay okay um relax you got through Not to my mom, to me. Was it straight out of college, feeling good, on top of of the world or was it when you were 39 I just think there's certain aspects of it that you could develop.

2:48:10 But you know what I'm saying? where you're sharp They would call that street smart back in our day, right? Would they be able to have a business conversation with a guy from another country who's trying Right. Yeah. They don't get to do it at work. You have to like say, hey, man, I think you're going to catch COVID next week. brain they're saying. Like where you can't remember

2:51:09 it's hard to say if it's permanent, and I do it. like shit you know because we're so it's just the way we talk But it's just like we get into these about impending death sure and they're freaking out and they spend this one guy that i follow They're holed up in their houses. Possibly separately, because people love to separate now. fuck you. you're the worst. It's like a road rage.

2:55:23 Whether or not they meditate as far as meditation Exactly. because of your actions and you could actually reverse those with good habits. of weight i had him on the podcast what's that 130 130 pounds during the pandemic that fucking squat remember when he was kettlebells in the parking lot You know how fucking kettlebell slips blowing his fucking, It's the Brody Stevens channel.

2:58:22 Yeah, I miss that dude too. like I would come up to him after Shug or Brody If we would heckle him, I mean, he would just get into it. and there would be checks according to who she was passing and who she wasn't. and he was the always the nicest guy so he'd do his thing killing it like or not killing it she moved And he was at the store Well, it doesn't mean you can't become a great comic if you try,

3:02:38 But then you got stage time at the store. I left the store in 2007 with the whole thing. Slay. He just he just found his groove. Sometimes that happened with Theo Vaughn he's pretty cool you know and then you see him and he was growing and growing and growing and Agreed. Dean took a lot of shit, too. I mean, there are some that get into it and I'm like,

3:05:20 But that's because I'm nobody technically. That's what it is. It's a few too many, but what that does is it expands, and it makes more comedy. So instead of thinking it as glass half empty. You meditate? what do you mean through life But you can't meditate with your fist clenched, you fucking idiot. Is there an app that you enjoy yeah buy a fucking beach

3:08:10 I mean, That's probably what he got you. And I'll write more or I'll sit and I'll start, Whatever works for you. that's a problem. I apologize. but then I'll hear like beep beep beep. thing. Oh. You had to take it to somewhere fake. I forget. Alexander? Fuck Alexander. Oh my God. things are calm and like not fucked up enough i get out um like out of whack so if uh there was

3:11:51 in there each other they don't fuck each other they talk similarly Yeah, I'm a mess. the requirement was but when she first got him she was like i loved it she loved it she was you know about it a couple weeks so how'd you get a like passport i had my no because i was And what year is this? I just know that. They do different kind of stem cells. A lot of it, what they'll do is when a woman is like 25 or younger and she has a baby,

3:15:04 I thought it's in the placenta too. If you knew that people were definitely going to get abortions, would it be better? Like in a lot of people's eyes. The fear is that someone would do something for money to give away this. And if it is legal, what happens to the tissue? Because you're like, people are fucked. Yeah, they do liposuction. That's wild.

3:17:38 use it because like I wanted my mom to get it for her knee because you said you Well, the thing is what they're able to do in the United States is pretty significant right now. I don't understand why they wouldn't. was always making jokes. She was so silly and I'm like sweating and she could see how nervous I was I'm like, what? in miami because of this little shuffle yeah i remember when that first started happening. Mitch, you want to get in the cart?

3:20:24 Yeah, she wanted to walk. She's not a cripple and she would just slowly she never gave up she fought every all the time like you said following martin lawrence to bring it back to that following But she had instincts. Yeah. Before HBO came along and HBO started doing uncensored comedy, like every comedian, let's think about it this way, like legitimately, other than Pryor, who released a lot of stuff in films, right?

3:22:51 how many fucking dudes get to do that? Kevin Hart. But you gotta be like yeah I think that was it. And so I did a spot And I used to go there all the time for I had my stand-up comedian friends. And he's like, yeah. There's levels to it. And then you play with them and you're like, you don't really know how to play pool, huh? There's levels to it. Those are North Philly kids.

3:25:05 I go, hey, man, listen, I've been playing pool my whole life. It's almost like a black belt in jujitsu. a spot for pool. Oh, and watch him play. Jesus Christ, this fat white guy keeps beating word. You scooch a man. That's on him. I know, but he's... I hope he's... Oh, wow. you can't ever bring up trick shots you know i'm not afraid of you it's hysterical they're not

3:27:15 She's trying to do car wheels. people um my nephew jimmy's good he beat billy the other so that was when you say he would hustle I know, but isn't it funny that someone who can, Anyway. They trick you into playing with them if someone tricks you yeah you gotta just take it there's that is you should just take it but and by the rules player. Double or nothing, sir.

3:29:49 You can't be mad at the guy who tricked you. It's not like anybody's actually stopping you from making a shot. or when it started or what the basis of it was. Like I can hit a target like, oh, you suck at target shooting. When was the last time you heard about a girl getting pool hustled? Oh had a friend that did it yeah but you don't hear about girls good yeah that's

3:31:45 Dummy? That's a jujitsu term, like where a guy was like a blue belt, but he really should have been a purple belt a long time ago. And he's still competing as a blue belt. Or a guy would be like a black belt in some kind of karate. so they would be like ridiculously strong Yeah. And lemon talk is like you talk like a lemon. Like where no one, people knew that you weren't really a player.

3:33:32 But it also happens in chess and Scrabble tournaments. That's also a term in law. I mean, I did it. It's a term that everybody uses. If you use the term normies, you might be a terrorist. All right. That doesn't make any sense. Like depending upon, like when you would play with somebody, like if you and I would play, But like you would have X rating.

3:36:14 maybe you only have to go to five, people just sucked if they were like all right but if they some people who were good who were And we have to deal with them. It's fucked. God damn it. Ladylike. At Uncle Vinny's in Jersey. Oh, nice jersey because like during the pandemic have you done there no it's it's almost being subjected to a truth test 100 you find out if the jokes are sloppy sure or how much

3:39:17 in the height of the pandemic last june i get it but i think that um i'm thinking about with the Because there's a benefit to that. And I did. And they come out judgment intact. He fell asleep on his hand because he hated the pillow. couldn't he's like something's happening and we did two shows that night and it the next day it Yeah, it just happens sometimes to people.

3:42:22 He's trying to kill himself with his own knuckles. That's why I call the album I'll get it. He's sickening. He had to throw out Jamie's. No, they didn't. Maybe a friend did. Whoever did it. Good they did. Maybe a friend did. Maybe the company's not really thrilled that Ari pissed in their body. He's putting words in my mouth. Someone peed in a thermos.

3:44:04 I love that. So much fun. Yeah. at the Celebrity Theater. So best way to find out where you're at, what you're doing is. Whatever you want. thank you