Joe Rogan Experience #1707 — Kyle Dunnigan & Kurt Metzger Transcript

Transcript

0:00 the Joe Rogan experience What was it You two Yeah No. It all sounds sexual. Every part of it is sexual. It does. Yeah, I mean, he's an amazing joke machine, you know? It's caught on a lot, Thank you. that's like, You look back on your life, You need a better Instagram handle. That's why I don't have Kurt Madsen. I had kyledunningan.com I would have paid like a hundred dollars, but I have Kyle Dunnigan comedy.com which I don't like to say like

3:32 And I didn't either pay for it or somebody else, and it was taken... It is weird, right? I want your money. Yeah, so he has it. Yes, yes. You can't lose your yeah, you can turn in your check you they'll take your blue check mark if you say objectionable things Have you seen his Twitter, by the way? And then the commenter's like, murder, murder, murder. Hey, Alan's knee should be better. He's doing murder, murder, Julie. And all those tweets are like, he'll be like, hey, the Broncos are doing pretty good. And then the commenter's like, murder, murder, murder.

5:38 Yeah, because he talks, gives advice and shit. Wait, is it four when he got off? I thought you were going to say you started cheering so loud you knocked over some hey twitter world what's he saying hey twitter world yours truly Fantasy football tips. Hey, Twitter world. You gotta hack away on the drive. And stuff now I've never Yeah, there's a couple of those guys. Michael Francesi and Sammy the Bull Gravano and a few of those mob guys.

8:08 Their pasta fazool was garbage. You know, like, Like even if he seems very like he's not holding anything back. Yeah, right. He's, like, 70. Don't do this. What are you guys saying that I'm like, I'm trying to explain this is not a glorifying life. Who is this? Oh, yeah. No, I don't give a fuck. I'll have a little sippy poo. We'll get some of that.

11:08 Steven Seagal podcast. What? I think, were mob-funded movies. No. Really? no really and he didn't want to make them anymore he wanted to Yeah, it doesn't seem like. Thank you. He does? Dillon, though. Thank you. Thank you. We have a little scooper here. Want some ice? Dude, I cannot believe One scoop. Oh, there you go. Oops, I spilled. Because he in his career

14:00 We won an Emmy And then a writer's We also get help from which was Girl, You Don't Need Makeup. Like, we all added some stuff, but it was Kurt's idea. And there was a reason for why, and I couldn't even understand it. What? Yeah, and there's also a, Should be up here Hi bye That's the Emmy story that he should have gotten that he did not get. Well, it's valuable if you're a writer.

17:20 It would show you some emotion. Emmys? yeah like some diversity you would have to be like really high in like an improv scene probably these extra producers were like, By the way, they also don't really want black writers. Wants to say exactly what they want them to say. I was writing and they hired a they. Imagine that. You must, right? Yeah. You know, here going to be there shortly like he, like you. touch this. He doesn't want to even Google it. You know, here, going to be

20:19 I didn't witness this happen. I've never had that. but it was something that they didn't want the executives to know about. When they get a gig like that, because of the fact that they're looking for diversity Like, if you're hired for that reason Imagine this conversation what helps i it's hard to learn it but i find it helps if i go on tiktok and someone with clown hair

21:53 They scour all these really super crazy liberal TikTok pages. It forces them to be regressive. oh yeah, And he's like, yeah, all the parents, that's like your kids in Little League. In a condescending way This is blue. That one you're talking about And they were like, okay, now I'm Sam. Now I now i'm sam now i'm a guy now i'm a guy i'm back yeah when i get upset when i get upset i

24:05 Competitive or they turn into a man to saw no so that they they fucking don't they don't Yeah, and imagine what an exhausting friend yes, oh yeah, just like what what's now? all day long. This is indulgent. This is heavily indulgent. And imagine, What the fuck do I know? I'm a girl, yeah perfect seen the uh footage the reenactment like she's slammed into the first and then slammed in the

26:09 Trying to catch up with paparazzi is what happens. Winning athlete of the year I mean Chappelle has a Damn, baby. and women dressing up like men. weird ways to get attention. Yeah. That makes sense because I mean, you have to, it's a sign What do you mean like? gay were like faking it when because they go to these clubs and it was like a drug you know they

29:03 You know, I don't know how I'm assuming around the rest of the country. It wasn't necessarily like that started dressing like gay guys who go to leather bars like he he got them all to dress hour changes her gender. bracelets, that's clearly a phase. Yeah. I It's gonna change society and you feel shame like I'm just a guy and you like you're not in the group I

31:57 actually comes out you know besides the thing you like you know like that's where it kind of is something like my pronouns are bug what is bug Is that a real one Yes What is bug Bunny I swear to god There's a ZZer that goes, the list of ZZer breakdowns. This is the New York, listen. That's the New York Times, dude. Americans? Jesus Christ. Well, I mean...

34:43 I think the other four are lying. Look out they write it n OU n self pronouns. It's not even what is that word? But then what? Or even just common slang like in it, in its, in itself. The Congo, yeah. It says that, like, you can't tell Who's being mean? so you decide you're a kitten self what would you say i think i think joe your clown makeup is where

37:48 you lose your nose you can dress like a normal person you're the highest level is business suit That's the number one clown of all time? Oh, Jesus Christ, look at these fucking people. At whom the finger of scorn was pointed. It's a delicate balance. At whom the finger of scorn was pointed. even Sacha Baron Cohen. every day. Well, he trashes them. Are you bug or bug self?

40:39 Dude, I love the idiot sandwich Gordon Ramsay. He put bread on this chick's head If you're gonna do one of those shows Oh, right. So if there's a tiny bit of laughter, he won't say, oh, it's all right. Your feedback is quite brutal. Because right now I'm just hearing clown theory from him. he had been on like um liquid chef for awesome like uh every like 90s stand-up thing i would

43:09 It's like when you date an actress and she shows you her real, One line in a commercial. Oh, no. and you would hear first his reel. That sounds pretty good. You're trying, am I going to make it? or do something to try to distract yourself Like, so what's that? Did you do blackface? in our whole school way back when this lady and she was just so disgust she was like it's come on ease on down ease on down

46:12 Oh, that's right. I think I sent him that one. he's playing Spock I'm editing using Avid what are you using yeah I use the computers and everything? Yes, I edit everything. Using Avid, what are you using? Or another editor. You want a great sleep battery. You have to get up out of bed okay, he quit drinking coffee So it's just work? The guy that he got like, it's always like a head injury.

48:26 and he only gets like a third of what's like, then he said he liked music. That go back good? it's not bad. it's an amazing side effect. a really annoying guy well, that makes me feel good. There's a little bit in her face. Does it do anything else? unique personality characteristics, William Syndrome, it'll fuck up your comedy. that the people that are like no yeah that like you know watch colbert and like oh it's a horse

51:35 Zero zilch. started tweeting newsweek and our talk they all ran the same the. That's crazy. Never looked into it. Never verified it. I've heard this one. they're not just giving the vaccine away to the people who can't afford it in other countries Emoji car crash to like beer steins. And the reason why I did it is because I wanted people to know what I took because I felt great.

54:34 One day, I didn't feel so bad. By the way, I'm not an anti-vaxxer. between that two weeks time, the Johnson and Johnson vaccine, which is the one that the UFC I'll just take a chance. I think he has asthma though. That video you put out, But then you got better like so basically their story is And their ideology is everyone must get vaccinated. rna viruses throughout the history of its use it's over 40 years old it's been around forever

58:58 it's a generic drug, Vaccinate your pets and your goldfish. Is there any, and this is a real question, video people Hill. I think they do a really good job They're undeniable. It's a great show. I was very gravely disappointed watching him do that, point when, you don't remember the whole Jimmy You Jake the I'm better than you check. Yeah, I'm anicus. Yeah, you know she says I'm better than you

1:01:54 I don't know. Well, they just got a big cash influx from Katzenberg. I'll give it up. So she lied about Aaron Maté, who's a very good reporter. So Jimmy's talking about it on his show and she sends him like a little blackmail thing. like oh my god i'm assaulted and the guy's the boss by the way right but on the other hand do The whole point is all of this was to just distract from the Aaron Monte thing,

1:03:57 It's about the Syria thing. Kalinsky did slut-shaming. Oh he did. Yeah, see that's what I'm not aware of so what this is what I'm not aware of So there's a whole- I like Kyle a lot. That's like real vile and like calculated, isn't it? I know. That's so far from now. I was making a joke. No one know I was making a joke remember and I was making a funny joke. You try to show you trying to chime in

1:06:01 was in a in a workplace environment and there was a girl He falls down, bangs his head off the ground. You said the thing. Right. Right and you're supposed to just think like that if you want to be part of the team It's amazing. A lot of people thought she was going to win. Yeah, New York is like that. send this to you right now you see the thing that came out with Rose McGowan?

1:09:17 That's the funniest thing is like she did, And then he took a mortgage on this house for like two plus million four hundred thousand dollars for a hunter biden painting so i understand sometimes you appreciate It's a fucking splatter. It says, Cy Twombie's untitled work from 2007 has an estimate of 40 to 60 million, courtesy But this is so crazy. Please don't look at any of the other images.

1:12:05 Look at that. He's lying about Marilyn Monroe and that. I know why it's good because it's a huge canvas that's it's all about how big the This is only worth what people were willing to pay for it It's a crazy story. But apparently it's a painstaking process that took, I want to say it took a decade. other problem when they did a scan of the, they believe that there's multiple years and multiple layers of the painting.

1:15:19 And now it's like sitting on his yacht somewhere. Why? No, no, go back. so is that what the original looked like i'm'm just skipping. I skipped past that shit. it took 10 years Right, right. see it says leonardo da vinci they don't know exactly if leonardo da vinci actually even This is how I do it. I saw. And then sound effects. I was in New York Hold Out of Love with just his mouth?

1:18:52 Michael Winslow. Listen to this. All right. The face is perfect. Yeah, that's incredible. Like where dudes would slap their chest and have all kinds of weird sounds. And you just do distortion for sound? Yeah, but it's fucking so it's such a weird like the whole art thing is such a bizarre status thing can fuck that up she can do so much better than that to my friends and artists who started out

1:23:07 at what the art world... good underboob drawing there How much do you think $30? That's very good. Wait, how old is she? like 50 million bucks. I was trying to find his other stuff. Look what he wrote. who comes in and goes, I want this. And if they're big pieces like big huge pieces not yeah it doesn't have the same right side twombly is an amazing scribble name it's not a

1:26:46 But in tenet, I think that was a real place. They were where rich people keep their art dollars today's idea Bezos is the richest guy in the world not a chance Okay Carrying the sewage out that take... Saudi Prince's yacht and the Yeah, that's that's a mansion. No not even a mansion like multiple mansions on the water the hotel Once hanging in the Super Yacht.

1:29:16 No, no, no, no. Look at that, $330 million. I don't know what I would do. Eventually whores are complimentary like at a casino when you write a lot of money like like yeah Yes, but I mean that kind of money. I mean what does it come with? It's so strange. Microsoft Windows for life. It's good to have access to all the vaccines in advance. Well, supposedly when he was getting divorced, that's his refuge is to go hang out with Epstein.

1:31:56 I'm pretty sure that's what happened. Based on that? Yeah, he's a vector for a lot of connections. And they were. the classic Alex Jones video where he goes Yeah. He didn't like it. And they have no way to acquire the experiences that they desire. He's got to bang someone he really trusts. Jamie. It's not just the ratty part of town. No, no, no. Because the Nixon tapes, as far as I know, I thought he was the guy that was like, this is history.

1:36:16 I thought it was recorded secretly. But Nixon's trashing him to somebody. Oh, that's not bad. and then he becomes president in the 90s by a smooth talking no gore vidal talking about jfk picture it's just a picture of jfk oh because jfk was like another Willie yes, William you know, we would do things, It's one of the most amazing places ever. So this is like debates that they aired on television during the 60s.

1:39:41 You could cut the sexual tension with a knife. Or it was an interview. Really? that was the last one that was the last one they let him go the fact that he did He probably doesn't. They take the top of your skull off. President Biden. His ability to succeed at the highest levels. But not like now. oh, Uncle Joe just says things. Remember, they go, well, I'll take a few questions here.

1:42:44 And then that Jen Psaki lady just gets more and more bitter and more aggressive. these questions at you. It's almost like usually, please, I'm a person. No You're p-turned blue? Supposedly Reagan was senile the whole second term. Which was like, what, White House from the fish tank? That's hilarious. this day like people still pull up you know like he had terrifying things is uh you're you know

1:45:17 Watchmen had that. Yeah, that's right. Just curious. What's the price just wanted anybody but Trump? i'm doing really well that's the thing it's like that's why they don't unit they're having unionized you don't understand that all Tesla employees Doesn't he just go back up then? No, they're going to have great, they have great cars too. But they didn't transition like when they should have.

1:48:17 If you talk to guys like Matt Farah from The Smoking Tire, Plaid is just off the charts know he doesn't give him away either I bought mine full price everybody pays full price including him Or not, it's on a Hyperloop. Is that the Hyperloop? you know. well, it keeps getting better it's fucking incredible that you that ubi that andrew yang used to talk

1:50:21 they just had an AI day, And so once that's up and running, You want a cigar? Yeah. They're trying to trash it. My house is about to slide down a hill. and I think Yeah. interesting, fascinating human being That's like what he's faint. He innovated for the end whoa That would make me nervous. Where's the bullet train to Vegas from? I don't know what's going on.

1:53:19 And I was like, there's no way this is real. I don't want to say anybody's name. and send them around the country? They don't want you to have voter ID. like you're literally bringing in voters like tammany hall like yeah even though they're not Why they couldn't just go to companies and be It's a LA documentary. Oh, well, certainly Los Angeles would.

1:55:56 Yeah. Everybody I know. Yeah, I mean someone's gonna be a shit did you ever do construction yeah yeah what'd you do i mean i did everything my dad was an architect When I was in high school In the summer It wasn't union It was his private you know unions a much better I basically kentucky it's like White Camden. They're overrun. not smart because there's no threat to the bear population.

1:58:53 and then people come in and whack them. New York and I was coming down I forget what what road it is like some two-way Oh, really? Really? Suck on it like a cat. do you know people from like Dubai summer is a relief. So a lot of them would come from Saudi Arabia to Los Angeles for relief in by the way, I got a lot of this He'd practice on people. but he's like a great dad.

2:02:14 He was like a crazy, abusive guy. Anybody listening there, you want to advertise on our YouTube channel? Shout out to E-Forms. Can Ben get mad at you for that? Oh, yeah. You know they got an x-ray on the wall and he's rubbing his chin anyway i'm able to put my larynx way down and make like, I can change my voice a lot Thank you. It's like the number one thing they like.

2:04:16 They do. I used to live in an equestrian community, and these women that would have horses were Like mongols. Yeah, she's like literally rubbing her clit on this saddle I mean I remember like girls in my height in my middle school like 12 years old and they like lay with it twice the size of you. Every time I came over, I was like, rah, rah, rah. She was so little, she couldn't really handle it.

2:06:24 What do you mean she slept with it? On Xanax, the chimp did all that? So she's feeding this chimp Xanax fingers they bite your fingers off what piece of shit doctor like i mean like this woman had no they'll bite your fingers off There's no fat on my feet. you could do about it no but a doctor said there's no fat on his... There's no answer. They were hurting?

2:09:02 Yeah. I do jump rope. And one of the things that he says that 90% of all athletes have in common is that they have poor foot strength. doctors have no fucking idea how to make your body stronger like they know you but that's 100% possible. That is the key. Front desk thought I was fucking insane. jokes no Bob into a glass back up again I'm trying trying to turn women on.

2:12:00 Every now and then I go to a stand-up spot. Why does that have lures in the left-hand corner? I mean, you really bought it to life Jamie American Psycho had that. I used to stare at a kite I would take it Because you can concentrate on things for long periods of time He has a diaper. through many states through the night, took fucking amphetamines and wore a diaper.

2:14:07 She used her astronaut bladder skills. Let's watch the whole thing right now. Required reading. I need to watch something. That does sound interesting. I have to go to the movie please i gotta let's watch the whole thing required reading i space you'd be that amazed the kind of person is willing to drive 900 miles I mean, I'm just guessing. Yeah, hammer.

2:16:07 And they go, no. gold medals you're like yeah yeah but what about the pot the only thing i could compare it to is He didn't have his shit. his money and putting diamonds in his forehead. Hold on. He did it before he beat somebody doing it. Wait a minute. He's brushing his metal teeth. Look he's got the neck thing where his neck is gonna grow. Are you gold that's a very yankable thing look he's got the

2:18:55 He said in a viral clip, this is my hair, golden hair, the first rapper to have gold hair imprinted in human history. You like that? I'm thinking of doing something radical like that. No, you're doing way better. I don't know what I searched for on Instagram, right? Wait, what do you mean gluing it? Like ball guys, Because this guy does this. Bam. What does it say?

2:21:14 Yeah, they look sad. Look at my fucking hair now. Oh my god. See? It does look good Who's the guy from fucking I met him in person dragon ball z hair he does have gray hair dude and i asked him point blank because i would be and then he had an amazing Dragon Ball Z hair. Look it, look it. Oh, yeah. ships, and you got loose lips, pal. The cat was hanging from a...

2:23:13 Over the top. It's a very far drop. Yay. yeah he's like there's no thank you cat doesn't understand what's going on no he's totally we'll have an idea and like, What is the process though? Yeah, then when they wouldn't do the Caitlyn Jenner fucking Donald Trump one. Yeah. Yeah, which is like and you showed it to me They're just so scared of anything controversial,

2:25:59 I am glad, too, in a way that You're just going for the most funny thing to say. Right. He has my favorite impression of Trump. I was saved by, but I looked the opposite of him. Like there's a quality. It's hilarious. Right like the South Park right like South Park is so it's it's so not a human being I get so excited. i was like that's so bad i was just being like catty about it he's just a catty guy

2:29:59 Yeah, it is repulsive watching pussies. Do you remember the video? Do you remember that video? men ever and all you think of when you watch these guys like these guys are secret creeps Last chance. There's a little bit of a flogging aspect to it. The original link has been taken down. Oh, is it? Oh, I remember that too when that came out. oh that's what they call themselves? Dear Video by Conscious Men

2:33:04 yep this is it Nope, god damn it, let me see Yep, this is it of the unconscious masculine So psycho I know that we all have access Looked like that Jesus painting. Oh, my God. men have raped and abused you. Burning women. So what did Will Ferrell do? Because that's the thing they say. See if you can find the Will Ferrell one. or there's something else

2:36:11 Dear woman, we stand before you today as men committed to becoming more conscious in every way. I commit to owning and stewarding a masculinity that honors and celebrates us as equals. Not one of them would be in a thing like that. Like how- There's a lot of guys who are out there. and he does this bit. She will not allow this bit. It's just the hook of the beginning is I'm against it.

2:38:58 And they're going to throw it. It's like when you go to see a Quentin Tarantino movie, he's not, Brad Pitt's not really smashing a woman's face off the mantelpiece. Did you ever watch? Obama. I go, hope, please. Experiencing a shack attack and armed guarding armed guarding the White House, or I say if the White House is experiencing a shack attack and arm guarding the White House.

2:40:43 It didn't matter. That's the main industry of standup, is just dealing with drunks. from happening. I was a big story. It was a big story. I don't remember it at all But the idea is that like, it's a physical thing. I know. racist dude and you can't do that anymore because people like you're saying can't get through the So, yeah, so I guess Bruce stepped on Carol O'Connor's lines,

2:44:09 And he's like at the crafty getting a bagel or something. And he has to answer the phone I went to- And so I go in there I've been to schools. I didn't even test back then. was just like dead. like a week later Jesus Christ. And now. So the whole summer I worked and drove there. dyslexia? Did she get it? No, I don't know. That's it? Because I think we've overshot.

2:47:36 Yeah the ones I like Which one, where's that at? If you play that, I'm leaving. Yeah, it's dance too. Thank you. Present. so please feel free to stop watching. Before we get started, me in two, okay? See, this is where we... Why didn't Bill want to see those? who does a Bill Maher impression. because then it looks in the past. with him. After? Yeah, on his private plane. On his plane.

2:51:07 I ran into Moshe and Natasha at the resort in Maui. I did not pay attention to that. The Goldblum's amazing. He's great, yeah, Scott Rouse. Right. they get a baseline of the person talking. He's like an expert. and he just starts doing them, and some of them are just out of my range. and I was devastated. and they're like, do something funny Yeah, there were a lot of clowns.

2:54:20 She didn't. and I hated clowns because I was just I still struggle Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What does that mean? But they said he's got a band and once. I mean I do of the comedy store, I first put on Michael Jackson. They want to go now. He's going to go on before you. There was like a piano, We had originally set it up on the stage, I did face swap. I'm geared up.

2:57:05 It was a disaster. Can they do that? That's what Kyle's AV presentation was. There's so many diamonds. and then the amount of diamonds because I've got to get the face swaps on my tour. And I was like, I couldn't believe how funny that is, those face swaps. Yeah. So before you say something. but dangerously so where people base their health choices right on this examination that they would

3:00:37 You know what I mean? Edison would do that, where They're all like, no, that magic. Thousands of people's lives and put them in deep danger. Well Yeah, that's a sunny guy sunny Balwani the guy that she did it with I believe he was abusive and that's what's forced her to just amazing things and all you women are She would she had some script. She would repeat in every interview

3:03:54 Inspirational speech. Keep saying that. we can begin to change outcomes. That speech sounded like she should have went Sandy miss high school football it was like I think there's a way that you can do it. Yeah, it's obvious. They're like, hey, hey, hey, that bitch doesn't talk like that. Wouldn't you be panicked? and then they'd send the real blood somewhere else and take them for a tour and then come

3:07:07 See if that's accurate. That's like one quarter of a painting she gave away. That's what's talking about what young. Yeah, but this is an investment thing. It was the company's largest individual investor, Holy fuck. And the whole presentation and pulling something out of her pocket. It'll allow us to change the way medicine interfaces with souls. It's Ria, me, and Michelle.

3:09:44 I don't know what his voice sounds like. Yeah, it looks like that, actually. Cause of the suffering. She's laughing. She's doing Dan Zeller's voice. We need a girl, actually. Dude, what we went through to have the president of China, You know, the one that burned his hand. What did I do? you better not. Give me some volume. Give me some volume. That's a weird app. I don't know where I found that.

3:12:39 Yeah, thanks, dude. He was making a big deal out of it. No, let's see what he looks like now. Look at him now. No one cares. And he knew, which I wouldn't even thought of is a bunch of these people. Yes. You might defected and still be under the thumb of, you know. for comedy him talking about the tiktok and the culture this is the funniest thing of coming over

3:15:26 Thanks for, you flew us in like first class. Yeah. you ever see that movie and that guy was like, click this. We got a car. My God, thank you. Tell everybody how to get a hold of your show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. For real, yeah. money because instagram is thank you yes youtube.com slash Kyle Dunn again joints. Is that speed weed? Wow. I've had it. Didn't even share it.

3:19:29 Kurt Metzger Comedy And is that like, You can watch it. outfit, but you can't tell that it's pre-taped some of it. It's a live sketch show on YouTube. Listen, what I said at the beginning, Thank you. Bye.