Joe Rogan Experience #172 — Bryan Callen Transcript

Transcript

0:01 That wasn't really a good experience. play drums at like The greatest. I just got drumming Brody would get up on stage and have chairs, It's called the Barris Kennedy Overdrive, first of all. the violin. And I play the that's not right. What the fuck is this? And they play music, and he has an air band up there. And then we play like five, six songs.

2:21 She's like, what the fuck are you doing? time we see each other every single time yeah he's one of those guys every time you just start I'm going No No No No No You are right. And then he pushes me away and he goes, How many times So every time you see him Oh there's different results Not to And people I mean this is a stupid you gotta get video I act like I'm a little

5:09 he's like I go no so you get the fuck out of here and mouth rages me. Dude, he's so much fun to do bits with. Yeah, that's when I stopped going there. I have had a man's thumb in my asshole, and I think I told that story last time I was Made out with a tranny and... I'm just spaced out. By the way, let's drop the gay shit. Hey, I mean... You are aware, I hope you are aware,

7:11 Yeah. So how many are we talking about? of great whites at any given time can be. What? that shit happens all day what the fuck ever My feet stay white. I was down in west palm beach He goes, oh, yeah, dude. They'll go into fresh water. based on a river attack that's right in new jersey it was based on one summer where these bull sharks They got me every week.

10:49 will actually eat you or if you look sick Yeah, don't listen to that nonsense. I had a tank filled with piranhas and then a tank filled with goldfish. Yeah, they'll eat fish, I guess. It's natural for them to eat fish. you know, every couple days in my house. oh dude let it in there they just sit there I've seen that crazy asshole. Those are the big ones.

13:22 is so beautiful even the crocodiles are chill. Even the crocs are chill. Whereas good luck with a fucking Nile crocodile. right when they found that they found this one skeleton of this huge crocodile where the skull So nobody's safe, okay? they'll grab that trunk did I mention that the ones in Tanzania I think it was a water buffalo Here's a piece of trivia.

15:51 your fucking worst nightmare and somehow i'm lucky yeah i never lose perspective of that yeah They're going to make it hard to have guns. it's the size of an elephant they're enormous Wait, what were you saying? The NDAA that just passed. They don't have to have warrants anymore. Touchdown. that our people And by the way, you're never allowed to spy on your own citizens.

18:17 Leon Uris is considered one of the great writers. how do you well you should educate yourself on history what does that mean do I pick up a book on history? I mean, Jesus, making is that when you talk about how a society So when all this anti-Semitic behavior started occurring under Hitler's regime, and it started If you ever told any of them that, well, your government's going to come round up all of you, all of you, and I'm going to give you some numbers in a second, and they're going to kill everybody you know, and worse, they're going to gas, torture, and starve them all in a systematic way in concentration camps.

20:56 It wasn't madmen. of whom were wretches, all of whom were starving, all of whom were coming out of the concentration and what you have to fight for solve a problem. And the only way to do that, government does what? It passes laws, and it That's the central question of political science. And they're choking that out on a daily basis. Hitler was trying to, quote-unquote, solve the Jewish problem, etc.

24:05 As you read Exodus, and I studied Nazi Germany, things changed very quickly they accelerated very quickly and it's just amazing that it's all within Just empty the villages of people. So what they would do is they would have these soldiers come in and they would Is this a constant steady stream for a long time? The numbers are overwhelming. The numbers are overwhelming.

25:59 The numbers are overwhelming. i and it's very it's very natural for us to kind of say well that was a long time ago and they may and the Americans closed in on those camps, as crazy as it gets, right? Propaganda. to protect their way of life, and that's how you create a real soldier and a dedicated patriot. hear and they create political and bodies and groups and they say you know look we we bleed

29:03 they do that thug jitsu. involved in my team and I may be naive, because too many of us would go, That was the... going on they can just tweet it anonymously and the cops go and find it so they don't have to I've been to Africa twice, you know. in the United States. 7.0, What do I got to do? sense if you drill on a fault. ever. And you can't really blame

32:22 and we've never had a problem before. There's a huge aquifer under those Man, oh man. Yeah, we don't have it. the powers that be came in Oh, fuck the Owens Valley. That's what happened. You got enough power. That's how they created that salt and sea, right? It's so stupid. Today was 85 degrees out here. It's a lot better than fucking freezing your ass off.

35:05 and I would I'll be doing that you're like It was just slide were fucked up this fucking this hail is so bad is coming out of the sky It's the most horrific thought. Bang. Bear goes flying into the other lane and kills the people coming this way did it happen he had this than any other animal so they're not jumping up and down, whereas a gazelle is jumping up and down, right?

38:34 It's so the animal that it's chasing a giant rat like thing capybara yeah that's exactly what it is you've seen that video And the video takes like, it takes four minutes of the jaguar doing nothing until he launches himself on this thing. that they take in South America, one of several stories like that or how about this how about this the guy during the haiti uh it was like

40:39 And it's hot. what's that Star Wars, he just started going crazy That's like Mel Gibson's movie. trying to get in because they thought that was kind of who you had to talk to. had to be like ha ha like what the fuck told me about I don't know what he does How about this? because everybody's got their fucking mouths and you want to build a big dam or a power,

43:20 The point is to get it done because then you get a promotion See you later. Thanks a lot guys we uh you guys are sitting it's fucking a tragedy including this fucking idiot. from aligning themselves with Iran, I'm an actor. I asked him that question. and I'll give you another example of what's happening now. And usually it's an intellectual interest.

46:12 It's like a tidal wave. He's used them before. different people i mean the amount of money is insane defense contractors, Halliburton, the cleanup people, all the different people. I mean, the amount of money is insane. Can't give Iran the arms because Maliki is not agreeing to the terms we set for him, Good fucking luck. We're going to give you $11 billion.

48:14 It's an interesting question. Iran. Iran has a nuclear program. At least we're trying to stop it, right? but maybe Israel will drop those bombs on, There's a whole bunch of noise going on. predicted all this shit. Raytheon and Boeing and Lockheed are. Employment. Is there a way to fix what we've got going on right now? And I just watched a speech by Ronald Reagan

51:34 before you even wake up in the morning. But it turns out we're getting $600. And then what happens to all those people that used to be government employees And for me, it doesn't have to do with being a Republican, Democrat, conservative, liberal. you just brought up it's not just government. Instead of having Let me say one other thing. You hear a lot of people talking about inequality of income, okay? And

54:10 might be that you drive a faster car, I got a great stereo. say it's an application or a computer or something that we all use. It was a brick, and it weighed two pounds. same phone the only difference between warren buffett and me the only difference is he flies They have an ability to contact each other. I have seven. And that's fucking, that's a big deal.

57:08 and admiration for the human spirit, It's not necessary. We, God damn, we could do a lot fucking better than this. We don't have to be the crooks of the world. It's not necessary. It's ridiculous. I mean, Afghanistan doesn't even need us. They're just warlords. who was a CIA employee? It's, it's, it's, these are, these are a lot. And a lot of them died.

59:38 And then we go out there, and you talk to anybody who really knows about the country, build a nation all you're doing almost none left there's no Al-Qaeda no Al-Qaeda in Afghanistan? Isn't there almost none left? Really? Yes. that. Why? The Saudis are Wahhabis. That is a puritanical sect of Sunni Islam, obsessed Struggle. And the idea behind jihad, of course,

1:01:48 No, I mean... Cut down all the trees, Is that what they were looking for? Wow. There wasn't oil there. 79 when they oh i see it was. It was just fucking too difficult. It's all over. A trillion dollars. They found a gigantic ore of minerals that they had always suspected, but it's much, You know, oh, we went into there because we're corrupt and we're trying to take all their poppies because it's billions of dollars worth of heroin.

1:04:24 We should try to predict the next hot mineral for our future. We're so fucking stupid. and the CIA, and then you've got, you know, the State Department, People are pissed off because you talked over me. a wishy-washy dude? was not... I think he's compromised. Look, people spent a lot of money to get that guy into the position that he's in, I mean, that's really what a president's job is.

1:06:59 Yeah, but meanwhile, here we are. places and 40,000 laws, ladies and gentlemen. should be legal. Common sense law. So, you know, you and I love... Do you pass a bunch of laws? you're cool to people and then once they get there i mean it's spreading that no we haven't They don't know how to give love. most part i've got two thoughts on that one is if you read tim ferris's book the four hour work

1:10:51 He says, just tell people you'll give them either. is stealing most people and i don't steal fucking music okay some people do but i was like i'm an Except for ages 12 to 25 get your your dvd on torrent or i could uh should buy it should i buy it i'm like you know what man of trying to entertain people. Put it out for five bucks, you can't this is my point if you're unless you're starving because of all this you can't fixate on

1:13:23 download every fucking led zeppelin album that's ever made things you can take no but credit card companies it's the same percentage that you were talking about earlier with double your money back guarantee, you know, It's like sociopaths, right? 1 in 100 Well, those are very rare, like serial killers and sex slash... I totally forgot about that. Isn't it crazy with that recent arsonist here in Los Angeles

1:15:23 We could fix it on the negative shit. the I Ching was a map of time. mathematical program thoughts that are novelty being some new thing that had not existed before if it's real it sounds ridiculous but if you believe the guy he says that he did not know and just a few hundred, 300, 400, 500 years ago, from the whole time. math theorists kill me well he's not a math theorist. See, that's the crazy thing, is that he wasn't, he just had this crazy idea that came to him on mushrooms, and the most

1:18:54 is because it's a method of I don't know. that what the I Ching really was what it may not be a question but let's just say it is a question when mathematicians have been And as a group, the group of great mathematicians that award the medal go, believe much money did you or am i 2012 he's dead bro i know but like how much do you think i don't I just think it's fascinating that a person would spend so much time making a correlation between the I Ching and a 13 cycle 28 day lunar calendar that is apparently it's like more accurate than

1:21:31 we're probably going to live through I think that the questions of being a human being will always remain. read that shit you you go you go you you what happens to you is you go, oh, I'm living in a fucking, Because all it is is just a series of questions. whole fucking thing down it's like a million volumes. It is really obviously something incredibly complicated.

1:23:53 No. and also when the Ottoman Empire came in and took over and things, by the Irish clergy, At one point in time, But then you don't lose everything. done forget about not in the industrial age yeah and i also think like if you look at saint peter's cathedral you've ever been there have you ever the mountains it was a beautiful cathedral incredible artwork yeah i mean this place was

1:27:11 Look up and two generations of artists And all those things, Come over here I mean, this guy built all this shit in the countryside, man. Nobody. I mean, it is some of the most stunning shit. You're like, what are you doing in your wall? Just a weird regular house. That's an act of faith. 300,000 It's amazing. It all began in the 60s Michelangelo went blind

1:30:09 thank you very much. I forget that Michelangelo was a different guy. and da Vinci was a stud. That's right. Yeah, what a freak show that guy was, Vinci was inventing fucking space planes and shit. That's right. and he's about to carve the statue of David, Whatever it is, whether you're a fucking Dotson repairman, fucked up is because so many people have this selfish it's all about me attitude and you don't

1:32:23 It's impossible not to. He is, man. You never get the feeling hanging out with George because he's always so humble and so friendly and so nice. And he's a guy who does. And it's just human. to surprise yourself but your motivation has to be pure because if your motivation is not of blogs and they're still all up at joe ro.net somewhere. You can find them. We need to make that shit easier to find.

1:34:54 Yeah, but most people Well, I'll get that done eventually, the stuff that's actually funny. I try to appreciate it yeah but as a responsibility it's a resource it's a responsibility they're your like they're your teacher they fucking roll with you every fucking day yeah you know that's the That's hard. And you miss the whole camaraderie of being a teammate with someone. Part of it is you

1:37:57 That's really important, man. and they're both getting good as fuck. I mean, that guy never gets hurt. He can put a pace on those dudes that they can't handle. That's so weird. Yeah, and because he has alcatraz there they go we'll put a prison here the fuck's gonna swim that they thought it couldn't You could never beat him because after 15 minutes, you'd be huffing and puffing.

1:39:49 And if you can get a guy flustered and call him a bitch and get up in his face and get masterfully. What bitch? and talking mad shit. And he helped him, helped him up, picked him up by his hand. He kicked my ass. It seems Nate and Nick don't give a fuck. It seems... Yeah, he's just like... If he really wanted to haul off and blast you in the face, They have a boxing coach who's a Mexican gentleman that's in the ring with him

1:42:04 I love those dudes. They always credit Richard Perez afterwards. I mean, they're very boxing-centered, and why not be? they both throw all these volume punches. And those I've never seen anything like it. I think it was 82%, I believe it was. That's nuts, man. That's nuts. Just tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap, tap. Do you know who he is? Rory McDonald. He's fucking beast. You know, the young man from Canada. Do you know who he is?

1:43:39 I expected Mike Pyle was going to be very difficult for him. He got thrown around a little bit. He was fighting 170, and he didn't build up to get there. I think what happened was Nate got pissed off at himself It's psychological war. who's coming in second? They go on, you know, you have to have balls you have to go in there with guys who can take your fucking face yeah and

1:46:05 They didn't know any better and they would just go full blast like haymaker central. And then you get in there technique is beautiful i was watching uh tiago alva's mom down an american top team you trained You crack me up. But he gave me a private Muay Thai class and then he rolled with me in jujitsu and if you ever want to feel You know what it is, man?

1:48:00 He's matured a lot. This Papi Abedi looks like the last guy you'd ever want to fight. The dude was a scary guy. Well, you know, there's a follow-up punch, there's a lack of like real high level technical boxing a lot of uh a lot of areas it takes forever Yeah, came up with it from the get-go. The question is, can anybody beat Jon Bones Jones, Maybe not even a few years.

1:51:11 He put Machida to sleep with a standing guillotine. He is the king of the new school. There's a higher level John Jones started out as a wrestler He's got knockout power. in Vegas right now. but they're super dedicated that's right eventually they're going to get a pretty clear formula eventually there's going to Oh, shit. And the fact that nobody can hit you because you're a mile away from them

1:53:43 That's a good question. i mean he can do anything that's he's a guy how tall is he shouldn't i believe he's six four i That'd be a great... But when you're taking on a guy who's physically much bigger than you, right? is the longest of anyone in the UFC, including Semmy Schilt, who used to fight for the UFC. And you listen to interviews with him. Yeah.

1:56:24 the pillow for him and he would practice this upward um he made his wife hold the pillow for him and he would And he blasts him with an elbow. proven i mean uh john jones has never been in a fight where he got dominated for four rounds and Gotcha, bitch. Well, that's why he let him take him down. Even if Anderson was, like, fully healthy, I don't know if he could stop that guy from taking him down.

1:58:36 That's got to put some thoughts into a guy's head. talking shit and fucking with your head. but god damn, that dude's funny. because he said a lot of crazy shit about Brazilians. If he was ballsy enough to actually go there and fight him. I'd take a real deep gulp right about now. and he had patella tendon graft knee surgery, but some doctors don't like to do it that way

2:00:39 Maybe it was a better doctor. ACL so weird. Yeah, he tore his ACL. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, he tore it I have a little back injury, this little muscle pull. he tried training again too soon and then he blew it and then it exploded on him you know you So walking is your aerobic exercise. at the highest incline, That's right. the grittiness and did pretty fucking well

2:04:07 They would break you. when you wrestle. Yeah, wrestling, you're alone. and it's dance cable to wrestling. they used to let him Tiago told me he was Matt Hughes tapped out He just, you know what I mean? He everything from like jeremy horn and from mma Yeah, he's ridiculous. we would go to the States He was a great fucking guy, like a really intense, passionate dude.

2:06:36 But this Mark Collin guy head there's guys like that in every weight class and i remember realizing myself you know being 14 that are willing to take it like that no way football Yeah, you were playing against those guys. Oh my God. I mean, people love it and everything like that, but charging into guys full clip. I watched him play JV. Get him out of there.

2:08:26 Yeah, he had an old man's rotten brain. He wasn't even a lineman or a running back. what you couldn't? Because he was telling me that Okay, were you always allowed to use your hands and push guys, On defense, can you? You can grab his clothes and fucking hip toss him? Dudes were trying to get a hold of him And just take a look at the physicality. because a lot of things

2:10:18 they have sex see what is possible with this human form it's not going to come to that because we're going to We're going to have fucking women How big are her tits? Probably not. we have to stop people from becoming 10 foot tall attacking the giant women stomping on dudes and or tissue regeneration. I want to be a dragon. conceive of a human being can make do you know that scientists have been able to grow sperm in

2:13:09 Because if there's no morality but also the idea is you know we're not going for fuel cells I'll be right back. this bitch up. But I don't know if that's real. Well, maybe I might have met him before. Very nice guy. Whenever I think you're out of interesting shit to talk about, you come with a wave of new things. is that it can happen again in some form or another.

2:15:32 It's certainly the first step. That's a good way to end this podcast. That's right. That's in the goddamn Constitution. For the people. And we can just fucking training. I'll make them laugh. And when you're nutting your little fake vagina thing, and you're like, You know what? That's what he did when he blew. as some sort of a possible threat. enter in the code name Rogan,

2:18:39 It's in the exact dose and make it yourself. Now they opened up a new top layer, so there's still some tickets left. One-two combo, too. which is only available on Death Squad. The Death Squad label on You don't have to buy anything. I love it. All the waitstaffs are always saying how generous everybody is and how nice everybody is and how smart everybody is.

2:20:48 Brian Callen on Twitter. guest. Not sure who. We're going to try He said she was awesome. Are you in town Friday night? I'll be there the next one. Suck it.