Joe Rogan Experience #1734 — Ron White Transcript

Transcript

0:00 The Joe Rogan Experience. You'll burn the inside of it instead of just toasting the outside of it. Well, it's the same butane. Oh, and you're a professional. really yeah how's that possible it's because they just jack them with nicotine. Nicotine is an additive. But you don't try it? Oh, okay. juliet uh cigars cigars yeah so it's fine tobacco oh i did see that little tracer i'm glad you

3:22 Yeah, you inhale these like a cigarette, buddy. It gives me a head rush. And you don't have an addictive personality. One month out of the year. Look at this. You know, Foxworthy spends a lot of his time looking for these things. Really well respected in the hunting community. So we would hunt more birds than anything up there. And I really didn't enjoy any

6:27 Yeah. He was in the hospital for so long, and I would go spend my days up there He had cancer, too. You really do, and you look great lately over the last year. And every time I see somebody, let's do a shot right now, you know. Then it hopped over to the, uh, And so I was waiting for that to happen this time, and it didn't ever happen. You're like, I'm going to wait.

10:01 Your stand-up is sharp as a fucking scalpel. And I mean, I'm not talking about the comedy club days little baked by the second one but you know but it it wasn't it didn't really affect the performance i tell this story to people all the time because it's a funny story the night that we did it at and you crushed you tell me when I got the club. Yeah.

12:30 Yeah, I'd love to. That place had severe problems. Well, they're going to accuse you of something anyway. I mean, listen, I don't know what Joe does. yes, he's a great comedian and has What was he bent out of shape about? They really do. Well, you know, I think that his thing was that you kind of, you call yourself an idiot. podcast and uh and but so a lot of people take whatever you say right and just and they file it

15:23 You just, you know, you're're just a loving nice guy that's Right. So then I started kind of researching it. and so it wasn't very appealing to a lot of people. Right. And I'm like, fuck. So I went over there, and his office was in his garage. recliner that had to been 30 years old it wasn't well kept or anything and so i sat in there and So he was good at that.

19:49 And it didn't happen. But I didn't want to do that. And so this is like you could do this for like if you shared a room with somebody for like, like 1800 bucks for a week. So there's 50 mattresses on the floor that have, you know, really nice sheets and pillows and blankets, and they're on the floor. He goes, oh, you'll know. that it's time to go in. I think poured into it. And I'm like, that's probably the signal right there that it's time to go in.

22:39 because you can vomit from your bed. So if there's a rainbow and a unicorn and And somebody walked by and I asked them to scratch my head. it scared me it didn't scare me but it wasn't pleasant at all you know like it wasn't like it's over all those things are gone it gets out of your system completely so fast and then there's So the next night I went in, and he gave me, it was a different shaman every night,

26:35 white and i thought i didn't know why at first but that's so they can't see you they can see And I went back and got a bigger dose and went back and got another dose and just rode it out and fucking loved it. and i mean kicking screaming yelling really unpleasant and uh they had to take her outside But this time, she just fucking lost it and uh so they took her

29:16 So some stuff from her past. But I was just into it, you know. And then I'm going to do stand-up for one more year, although I could have got out of it contractually, At the end of it, you know, I should have a pretty good special to do, it did for my exposure worldwide, and I thought it was a decent special. So I'll have it – I'll film it for sure, you know, and I thought it was a decent special.

31:59 Right. Yeah. it's you know it's a strange thing this uh the streaming world the streaming world's very odd or tell you to stop saying it or tell the company to stop And they have to manage this at scale. It's a problem. And you don't have a problem with that with Spotify. I do the show exactly Right. It was a small amount they would have repeated those things. But it's just, he was telling a story about a friendship

36:50 From your own parents to your relationships to your children. I mean, it's like if you give a person a bag of – them against windows they broke into stores with them and nobody can adequately explain why they Yeah, I watched it happen to Tony, argument to be independent that's what it is because if you were on a television show and that Yeah. And I don't know if flack for if I said it today. Yeah.

39:27 It makes you, you know, you want to be able to justify what you're saying. i don't what what are you saying it isn't while lights are on and people are, you know, that I reached under And and he got accused that 17 year old girl or whatever said that he had sex with her. well, I got 45,000 bucks in a sack over here. I'll give you that. And so, and I've still to

42:26 We can make these claims that are not true. article to most people that's a true story. it's it seems again like it's just you and me talking yeah right that's exactly what it seems I'm like, that's more people than have ever watched me do anything do anything ever by a lot. I mean, you know, a lot, I had albums that sold a couple million copies early on and,

44:40 knew Letterman when he was doing stand-up. somebody like joe hansen as good as he is with the exposure that he's had from that Yeah. you know i was like wow this guy's hilarious and then he sat down and talked to him and was like, this is amazing. Yeah. I thought he was so good. i'm leaving right now buddy good on you and then and then i i was decided i couldn't stand him and

47:15 No, it took a while for him to die. Well, here's my idea. I'm like, oh, I can just drive over there. It's gorgeous. you know because it's shallow and uh and just watch the world go by. live out there sitting at water and uh and and and eat there's a five-star restaurant right on When there's not, it's all over. And so she didn't think it was funny and because she's not a romantic

50:55 But that was easier than what I do now, you know, which is move to a different city every day. overnight i could sell out any theater we We decided to put a theater on sale. That had me smiling every day. and I was having a blast with And they were interested in what I had to say. and all the guys and, you know, shooting the shit and doing the set.

53:58 something else in my life. You know, I want to, I want to see the world. I want to get out and and it worked out great. And every bit of it was wonderful. Uh, but I don't think you drag it on and I think what I love is, is just hearing their love for me, you know, that they, they really do I want it all to come out on my terms now. have it in the can as they say what we do is so weird that like no one wants to stop you know

57:06 every other uh occupation i guess except acting like clint eastwood's 90 still acting right yeah and the audience is just roaring. and uh so i i think that i don't know if it was Seinfeld that I heard say it or somebody, maybe it was Chris Rock, but that you should be on stage every day. And but then there was these guys that worked the circuit that were doing nine shows a week that were just blistering good.

59:15 It's almost like a professional football player trying to get back into professional football. And you can't do that. about that place and something that i have to have you know i miss the the tribe uh you know we're the luckiest people alive right and i you know in in california i would never ever let I'm not going to pester those guys for tickets.

1:02:40 They're fun too. Right. I go, are you telling this on stage? It's one of those things, if you could tell your friends, Those people that come to see you are your friends. It's one of the weirdest things about comedy, isn't it? Trying to figure out where to do it. I think two years is the right thing for me. and she got me a bicycle, and it's for sale.

1:07:05 period of time yeah yeah and then sometimes your friends will watch it and then they'll give you a It just goes a totally different direction. can teach you how to do it and there's unfortunately it's the only art form where there's not even like real good show and uh i'm a lucky motherfucker ron white and then and then fear factor that i did Yeah, did the UFC this past weekend.

1:09:25 New York yeah I do a lot of shit nobody and then you had already done one podcast that day. And we were drunk. Fine liquor sold. And I used to do Bass Hall, which was about 3,000 seats, and I would do two in that one. About 13, I think. eight cylinders by uh by austin for sure beautiful so that'll be fun come on man you can't quit comedy Yeah, that's one thing that I won't do.

1:12:58 I have to order five pounds or my assistant can't get it. But I know where some tacos are that it would change your life, that I didn't tell anybody about until after I left. Right. It was so legit. It was a small place these tvs are too new i'm not eating here I won't tell anybody. terry blacks i ordered five pounds of it so i got a bunch of uh nice brisket and ribs and that

1:15:20 Right, and then it's also, the live music here you as big as la is they do not have this fuck dude really yeah go see bob schneider uh he's uh this just this artist from austin and uh Yeah. The next day after that was Ron White Day in the state of Texas. And the next day was Ron White Day. 12 different jails wow uh but back then they were locking kids up, you know, and I was, you know, smoking pot, had long hair, doing drugs, driving drunk, you know, all kinds of things that they put you in jail for.

1:18:48 So when I went up to Canada, they were like, what about all this shit? Canada that comes up. hendrix i mean they've always been yeah well people coming across the border with stuff here's give them back to us when we left so they had to If I dig around, I know it too. Here's how I see it. And it's also really good. horrible things you shouldn't have said like alcohol can do wild things to people oh god and

1:23:10 And nobody teaches you that if you have an addicted personality and you start drinking all the time, you could get addicted to alcohol. And I'm not trying to change anybody's life. I did a micro dose of mushrooms this morning, and, you know, for the most part your central nervous system and your motor skills doesn't really like a lot of smoke weed and roll you still do it i haven't in a while i've been having some problems with my knee

1:26:02 i do those uh you know there's a lot of celebrity golf tournaments and most of the celebrities are athletes and uh these big old fucking football full blast yeah i didn't do much of it it turns out smoking pot watching cartoons is really good He was 300 pounds. He was fucking huge fucking pro football player was rocking walking in front of me and he was so much bigger than

1:28:04 And I met Leon Gray coming out of a, Yeah, bits are fucking amazing. He does a lot of stuff. Size of his shoulders I don't know Oh that's right And then what was it? Is that what it was? and he had on like a golf shirt, pedophiles online he would try to bait pedophiles online like he would he would help them catch That's a full-grown man standing next to him.

1:31:02 Oh, I didn't know any of this. on a task force aimed at busting internet pedophiles and Look how big he is. But look how big he is compared to Francis Ngannou. They do have a top-end size? heavyweight. Like when he was in his prime, he was like and he was i think he was seven feet but it's weird to watch the two of them box because but uh anyway that guy's so much bigger i don't know what my point was they used to do a lot of

1:34:31 God, I am. Okay. Yeah, most people thought that Holyfield won, if I remember correctly. unbelievable brute force and power against the most skilled guy in the world. Watch this. The end of the fight, I mean, the fight kept going because Minotauro, at the time, was And Minotauro submitted Bob Sapp. it was uh the uh ufc welterweight title. Kamaru Usman, who's arguably, definitely,

1:38:22 But the fact that Colby can push him to a decision where it's like, ooh, that was a good decision. But the fact that Colby can push him to a decision I believe he's retired. who was a kickboxer who uh really fucked him up was this guy merco cro cop merco cro cop was another and uh did you ever see that movie Vision Quest? these stadium stairs with a log on his back,

1:40:45 It's an inspirational thing, and I don't want to fuck it up. whether it's Michael Phelps or whoever the fuck it is. you're looking at insane dedication. then on the uh but but it's true in anything you know that uh that that at the top level it takes so much to even even even You have to be 100% driven. Of course I took a night off, dummy. It's not that big a deal, Elmo.

1:43:46 I don't know nothing about Pele. Lift himself. You want to work out hard? it's amazing movie i gotta watch it i gotta watch it's really good it's really good if you don't money as bad as bad as he wants it as good as he is college golf all that stuff one stroke a little how to aim it and then learn how to you know it's just it's really like hunting a lot in that in

1:48:07 A lot of these guys just wanted to play golf all the time. I eliminated anything else. I see guys like Jamie. I mean, if there's a good fight on and I happen to be not working on a Saturday night, you know, I love to watch fights. Whatever. It's exercise. trying to figure out how to how to do it right and you're trying to time your body and move it

1:50:55 You know, it's a lot of information to process. Yeah, Tony's strung out on it. You know, he's like anybody else. like shit it really looks bad and uh you know but uh but over but he does put in some good score That's somebody that shoots even par, so that's 72. stuff i still do so you just play move it on up a little bit a lot of time people will play from

1:53:16 It's like, you know, mostly just label people an A player, B player, or, you know, a shortstop. And every time I go to see him, like every time I'm in the East Coast, he and I get together and we play pool the night before. It's not like golf in that it's a much more controlled surface. You play in the rain, you know, and it's just lightning. That's just Caddyshack.

1:55:03 Three? That seems odd. I didn't see it personally. but I don't think he finds one. How big do you think he is, Jamie? that's what he's... Jesus Christ. I mean, you know how much that thing must need to eat? i think uh i mean there's certainly you know when i play golf in florida you see them all the time well I don't know but the relationship to. Jesus Christ. What the fuck is wrong with people? Well, I don't know.

1:57:38 So you get over that. You can't sell alligator skin scary as well it's like look at them yeah ask that elephant jesus christ you imagine being Yeah, let them. It's manageable. Yeah. Here it is. Right. I did. I don't know why. Does it, do you see that? They're like a lazier crocodile. I forget the premise. and you get it. I don't know. I thought it was good.

2:03:09 He did it. Yeah. I think that's it. If it was Brad Pitt, you know, or an alligator, I would just let Brad do whatever he wanted to to me. oh wow Kind of a vampire. I don't remember because I bought these comics when I was a kid. Mm. watch I did rewatch the opening scene opening scene of blades one of the You know what? It's nice. I know, I know. Jeannie and I are pretty good at it.

2:07:23 i used to really really really there – that's ladder ball right there. It's like cornhole, you know, except for it's – Yeah, she does. Are you okay right now? The key is if you can hire a trainer. That'll help. and she doesn't have any gluten. She lost, I think, I mean, it was more than 40 pounds. But anyway, I got to do it. should lift some weights lifting weights as you get older is like one of the most important things

2:11:15 Come on, man. I think there's a lot of real good evidence that they do something good for recovery. dough boy and slap electrodes all over his i like going in the cold plunge that's why i like working out hard i like doing things that are And they did this study out of Finland that we've quoted 100 times, It's hard to tell. study was done with the regular sauna, which is just, it's real hot in there. And when it gets

2:15:19 There's also a guy named Dan Gable who's one of the greatest wrestlers of all time. All these countries that they realized that after training, they would get in the sauna, Your body kind of freaks out. I like to do it before I get here. That's what I like to do I like to get up early. I have a hard workout. I do sauna ice bath sauna ice bath sauna

2:16:52 It's fun. with the people that uh advised me and the sauna i have i had one built for my house in in california i play it about three days a week this dork's got a fucking driving range built out in the garage But he's doing this thing where he's measuring how fast his ball's going. I was like, this is genius because this is something that allows you to drive,

2:19:08 got a rack again and gather all the balls and rack again gather all the Yeah, it looks really easy. room in your head for golf there can't be any room left in that head of yours there's a problem I could see doing, there's a lot of things that are interesting. Make somebody want to get better at their job me that i can see what would be fun about it and uh so yeah it keeps you alive you know it's also one of those things that

2:22:45 such a gross question and i well you know i just you know they think that i should have been a you If you compared your life to their life, what are you talking about? I think there was 30 of us that day, and I miss them. I was like, what? And then I looked up and there was a balcony. And they go, well, there's a whole upper floor. They open up on Ron White's here. I was like, what?

2:24:19 I think it was like close to 5,000. That's good, right? in my world, i can't i can't figure out how i did it and i can't imagine a life without it and uh and it's minutes of material to take on a headline tour that yeah good luck with your career buddy i've The type of person that makes it there, got to be a catalyst right there's got to be a catalyst got to be a thing and for me it was blue

2:26:45 that were selling through the roof. He tells me the whole thing. And then I told the Tater Sal story at the end, which is about six. and uh you know and that was that's perfect you know i i thought it got me when i was completely ripe and uh and not before and uh No, that was a real problem with a lot of comics once those HBO specials started coming out.

2:29:09 And he's doing these big ass theaters and shit. theaters and there's a lot of like top flight comics now I think probably more it going you know i think you've got some potential and then it turns out i was so embarrassed because Yeah, he is. But Kennison back then, when he was doing that, And so Kenneson still wasn't there, and he goes, all right, we'll go out there.

2:31:58 and so after that i just had to say good night but it was i killed and he just killed They said, Sam wants to talk to you. And I said, yeah, Sam, he was doing it and nobody fell for it but me and uh because i guess i'd seen him or whatever And I was like, yeah, I'm going to go with Sam. Yeah. And then I opened for him later in a comedy club and had sunglasses on and went up there and staggered around for a while.

2:35:38 go home and uh and get better and come back later, which I did and bombings are great if you go back and watch that HBO special, Oh, no Yeah. He was special. know did that afterwards but i feel like that was something that he built and uh that people walked across yeah kind of like special like paulson did you know with uh with that deadpan delivery i mean i don't know who did it before him but you know but a lot of people even stephen wright and

2:37:50 my head and he's just so good i just can't even believe it you know i after working with him David Tell is like a genuine national treasure. I loved all these people. I was a weightlifting trainer. She was basically my age. goes and she goes and then he's like oh my god is that a dick in my ass? You mean life keeps fucking you in the ass even after you're dead?

2:40:17 I'll never forget her doing that. about and uh yeah man when i was a kid in high school me and my girlfriend we used to listen and he talked about them taking Bill Cosby's honorary degree away from him, Because Bill Cosby fucked with him early in his career. Which is the perfect person to call. Bill Cosby's amazing. As gross as it sounds, hearing that he's a rapist.

2:43:18 Carl Reiner and Lily Tomlin. Some of the people who feel You get that. misdirection right right right before he said bill like like he forgot you know for a second So he's killing without any practice. People, after a while, they don't want to deal with that shit anymore. i mean i was just a open micer and they didn't uh and they told us he was making 25 grand for

2:47:18 He did Beverly Hills Cop, but he also did Bowfinger. I don't know if you want that. He's got to be 60, right? I think he would murder. anymore and then you keep doing it you're not that's not going to be good yeah right you don't have to it's but the thing is it's like try replacing that And it's also like there's a weird connection and people don't know who they are.

2:50:05 Because of the way it all came up, I think most people don't have any idea who I am. exposure every every week so and that's that's another i'm a i'm the least famous guy at the mirage but i'm there but i'm their top comic i mean that i mean a lot of people if they I had a guy. I go, yeah, it got canceled. Like, you think that it's good, it's fun? Yeah.

2:52:11 If you used to be famous and you got money, then that's not sad. He didn't, but some of those folks from back then did. especially if you had no intentions of really rehabilitating. I think he even had a bit about it. Fuck, man. That is not want to talk to you on the phone. You know, like, fuck, man. then as opposed to how you know how i did in stand-up yeah i just picked stand-up because

2:54:57 oh, there's so many people involved in these decisions, So you have all these folks around you that are dependent. That are just trying not to lose it. No, I think I did it once. And it embarrassed Dave, I know, because I was shitty about it, they couldn't do anything about it it's still a stage prop you know I look I in this place and even though it's a cigar and like i have an arbitrary rule i'm gonna decide

2:57:31 I'm in. These are long haulers. So at some point. Nice. Anytime. So I got a little fucked up right there in the middle of it.