Joe Rogan Experience #1750 — Ari Shaffir & Tony Hinchcliffe Transcript

Transcript

0:00 The Joe Rogan Experience. and he does a piece of digital art every Hillary Clinton's head on a moving robot? Is that a Burning Man thing? People try to find the hidden meaning. I like flowers none of his we're in Texas And fortitude It's interesting. I think I prefer American whiskey. Interesting. My favorite? You don't find it everywhere. Josh Barnett is a genius.

3:07 in there in the factory fucking lugging bags every day. heavyweight champion. The youngest ever. No one has beat his record. He won the UFC heavyweight champion. The youngest ever. And then came back eventually? Chop So good. an elite, high level grappler You know, it's a hard thing to do Yeah. He's like, what? He's one of the owners of K-Man Coffee.

5:21 What's that? It's good stuff. Did he run for governor? No, his There was some chick disappeared and his staff just just disappeared they were all sort of investigating him until And so because 9-11 happened, the thing is about Washington, D.C., you have to think, there are real murders there. That is an absolutely dangerous city. Yeah, because like that's always the wonder.

7:41 crazy I heard something that it's making women a little bit like fearful of doing things in the world because they're constantly, anyone who's walking behind them now because of those are like, shit, shit, that guy's up to something. always been the way people have operated. Patch 72. food in Africa that's our community if people need gas in argentina that's

9:32 and politicians are looking out for your best interest. And you go, okay, was that happening right now? They were like, no, not these people. I think it was Crystal and Sagar were doing it. Just deflect. job right she's a big wig six hundred thousand just on speaker of the house money you're saying Yeah, so they've got to make their money on the side.

11:25 They get better people. Yeah. Yeah. They're left and the right side. Just like, no, no, we're all in that game. What it is, is like a virus finds its way through the system. And they never tell on each other. They're left and the right side. and another 8 to win. I think there's still What did the fighters then do? people and doing that they're they're playing a game that's illegal to play if you're not like

13:10 so of course you would buy all the stocks She looks like a vampire. Sorry. Hold on. And the teeth lick. but I'm not familiar Yeah, it was the long sip the gulp right afterwards and the immediate shake go back to like minute like second ten I'm not familiar with that in that. She already thinks what she's doing is completely right. or when you know which direction something's going to go in

16:21 That seems like it's a problem. Of course they would. The against is the problem. who gives a shit? People were like, oh, that's weird. Is that Monday morning quarterbacking, though? like if all the people think that you're gonna win Percentages. if you have whatever Football the most, would you say? Fucking, you know. You see Liston's head sink in like a guy will sometimes when they get KO'd.

19:52 He was like pretending he was trying to get up. Watch it. Bam. Watch. Watch it again, one more time. maybe he couldn't get up but for me i'm like i don't know about this. I'm looking at him. You see that? That seemed like acting. They just did it from the corner back then? the timekeeper is supposed to count. Do the part where you're watching him get up again.

22:46 Now watch this. It could be but it's something about it It feels fishy and then the the rumor was that he took a dive and so all the people that had bet on listing went out and destroyed Floyd Patterson. previous injury. Like maybe he got And he fought Travis Luter. And it turned out the word was that he had gotten knocked out in training, which happens

24:53 It's just the way it happened. I mean it just doesn't get any better than that he brings his hand up and around Liston's hand The fact that Aldo was so hell-bent on destroying Connor, But this was a powerful punch There's a lot of guys built like that that can fucking crack. I want to see it slow motion He worked on the exact thing and he mimicked what he was going to do in the green room.

27:17 knowing, in the dressing room, He was like, that's trash. Wait, let me see. And he's like much more light on the foot. It's genius shit. you when you watch this combination it it's fucking, watch this. He's just getting just out of the way. And guys would beat him, but the final combo this is what I wanted because the finish of this fight is Four. He goes from fine to cut up.

31:14 And then also some time out of the game while he was doing the Floyd Mayweather thing. I think that's him now. It's a weird picture, honestly. That's a great term for it. But he looks fit. You got to feel like if a bone breaks in half like that, what happened to him a car accident a massive car accident and what's he Yeah. That was different. Is that what the... Was he with anybody?

34:09 No, what does he say? I heard after a concussion I'm not yeah, that's what he says. He also said that the winning stats? I mean, it depends on which and it was like, there was no way No. What? Of what? Highest percentage. Look at that win percentage. What? Wow. I don't know. well, that guy could probably do any sport. Like John Daly is a know a big guy drinks has fun

37:32 But these are all-time greats ever. And so many different things. and time it perfectly. Yeah, but someone was saying throw a ball over a plate? From lower hominids to people, they think the throwing arm was one of the major factors. I can't even picture you. If I play basketball three times a year. They're like, all right, second half. Yeah. And you also, you know, the more you find out about it, the crazier it gets because

40:45 head exactly where it was when you started or else you're going to hit below the ball or above the that was enough to keep my competitive juices working. That's what he loves. Checking his Instagram likes. what hate speech is. that's a good solid torn it the next one was the Hitler gave me gonorrhea tour. First one was not hate speech. Joe, you're asking a great question.

43:00 shit on person in that joke. And you're not saying that you gave Hitler gonorrhea. is just fun and this is not The call in that hate speech is so only because of the word kill. Oh my god Whether or not you're obese. Yeah, you move that little scale. And vice versa means something you should concentrate on. Basically, yeah, those are the adjustments that we have to make to the post.

46:00 It's weird and creepy. And they're like, you're gone. no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Don't let it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You gotta stop And they were like, I think there's certain people where later. It was bad. who's responsible for They're all going to be on it. It's a conglomerate of people who just want dividends.

49:19 Shut the whole thing down to do nothing. they actually think they are feels it. They're doing it wrong. Make them It's bullshit. We all feel less because she voted this way. That's crazy. And now you can't exist without Facebook. it's like, yeah, you're putting addictions in there. where you're constantly angry. but here's my question is it us are we doing it to ourselves is this a natural function of being

52:09 Let's put it forth to They're going to put each other. Remember when Fox News and MSNBC would say one-third anti-news and two that's pro-war, they're showing us I see your ten things in a row Jealousy about your friends doing shit. And they're taking advantage of it. It's nuts. Okay, it says, we want people to have meaningful control over their experience.

54:17 No, they left that part out. And that's how it used to be. you know it's it's netflix or if it's like spotify even or something like that it's like do you like It's also, there's one thing I feel like you can trick somebody eating food that's not I bet Duncan's mom keeps it together. time they had to make it like not not there anymore delete it yeah yeah say you have a year

56:29 That idea could be smart though, having a two and if you sign up for two, everybody that It's just like the likes ended up, that's what makes everybody Starting from scratch, perhaps. Maybe they could give you an option. Yeah. Because. What do you do different? I think it was TikTok. They know you probably have proximity. Oh, yeah, they know that yeah that doesn't surprise me at all if your location is on they

58:20 level when it introduces you to someone that your phone was near. Yeah, for sure. That's so creepy. Yeah. Remember when they said you couldn't market cigarettes to minors anymore? But here's the thing. And then girls are always going to compare. and they'll go after each other but the girls can do exactly what they do online I'll tell you how I regulate it,

1:01:03 dangerous. You've all seen it. I played that Social Dilemma documentary. everybody like people say that all the time i deleted instagram and then it's like oh i guess I guess, you know, and talk to each other. Absolutely. And I thought to myself, Facebook owns Instagram. I mean, I'm just keeping an eye on it. I think at this point we've passed any markers that would indicate to me that we have any indication that people are interested in slowing down, that people are interested in reversing course.

1:04:11 Yeah. Here's my reaction. Can't believe anything like this. they're going to make, teach them how to deal with the anxiety of someone criticizing you online or the anxiety of someone with that obviously is is it's terrible but like they've asked you know how you're a different person in front of different Yeah, you're like, you're right to do it. but you can tell them how to do it. Yeah. You can tell people like, look,

1:07:46 you were in that but in those impulsive moments where they just want to say You have to have real integrity Yeah, absolutely That's not true. Get out of here. Oh, he's not like, whether they're right or wrong. You know was it historically accurate like it was it like? What stuff what stuff specifically it's up the artist to figure out what he wants to talk about you can just not like it

1:10:36 where people say, oh, that line. pope and they didn't want her on dice was like something terrible yeah yeah something awesome And said two of George Carlin's seven dirty words you can never say on television for good measure. Yes. Yeah. And then everyone's weighing in and everyone starts to feel something about something. But they're doing things that will get people to pay attention, right? They're writing

1:13:00 mad at me for the articles I wrote, not an article about you later, and this Oh, okay. You're going to pretend you're outraged about something. You're going to pretend you're outraged Instead of like, you know, the New York Times probably it's like journalism is stories these are just like it's part of it is their take on gravitate towards the negative for sure yeah look at this people this person said this we love

1:16:07 I mean, you can admit, and you're weighing in seriously on a subject? after George Floyd, we stand for social justice They all fucking did that there was a fucking fever pitch Yeah, yeah. Still, it's rushed. Everybody stops and thinks about it. we're in now that's that's what's getting to us all the time quick response don't take time and that's one of the reasons why people hate us

1:19:02 what are the odds that this tragedy is down the street? Whatever his name is. But if there were. Ten. Drinks in the air. That was a crazy rumor that someone was running around But the security guard, when they asked him, you're not a cop but you want to be one you kind of want a lot of They hired all these black belts from my Taekwondo school. oh my god this is hard and no one knows in the back they're pushing on to people this is horrible

1:22:17 So what we used to do is we had to older guy. God damn it. Do you just call out my name? Neil Simon? What the fuck is no, We'd steal their wine. You can't take this. The day I quit is there was a concert, a Neil Young concert, and they started fires. What? I'm not putting out literal fires. Yeah, I'm not a cop. All of it. I get it you have to take it but like I want you to use it like it's a good thing

1:25:29 Give me my fucking knife back. four joints. Nice. Perfect. Yeah. yeah go in there take a cue or whatever he goes oh no by the trash can and just choked my hand in it. Picked up the fucking cigarettes. And he was like, I was starting to hope you would. We both cried listening to Nine Inch Nails. Tape it on your dick. Boxers are the worst. Sheath underwear is the best. Right. It's smuggling. It really is.'s got a ball pouch. So you keep it in there, it won't fall through. Boxers are the worst.

1:27:19 That's not even. your penis and that you wear it 24 hours a day and you have to or the process has to start over Dudes do that, though. and you see how their boobs are flapping and hanging low like that, So gravity keeps pulling on it. Is your dick bigger now than when you were like 16 17 that's when you were fully grown good question mine is It's the carrots who stretch their necks.

1:29:27 That would be like the real question. What is a machine that girls always use at the gym? To get their butts going? yeah it's a lot of work a lifetime of fitness done Put in some good numbers. Yeah, I would do it at night when everybody was asleep, and they wake up to Something like that. That's hilarious. Okay, so it's an ad book. None of us have thought about this before.

1:31:40 What'd you say? How dare he write this article and just he's an expert throw that in there what Oh, the FDA got involved. Would you trust a German penis pull it out like- It looks like trappy places. Oh, that's a You push down on it. Yeah, never mind. which created tension in the structure, what are you doing stretching it out? that with dicks. Yeah.

1:35:07 Oh, my God. There's just got to be a bunch of guys approved? If there was something No one's going to just take one. Yeah, the women evolved because the guys' dicks got so big, women's vaginas had to grow and chopping cars would be so big your dick size yep like you can just have a tiny dick and there's not a damn thing you can do you And listen to how it's read.

1:37:42 You will certainly be able to have an orgasm once the penis pump has been removed, So go ahead and give it a try. These are grown adults. and be honest about it. or no sex, no jerking off for like six weeks look at me weird. We love making it sensual. They're not sticking a thumb in the butt. they're mimicking the humans Out of all the things I've ever seen in nature documentaries, I get all of them.

1:40:27 They look so related. They don't give a fuck. Their food, their food. we always thought of them as like, you know, Like there was a show called BJ and the Bear. It's just preposterous the strength the chimp has he we want to think it's like relative to like their size like Oh, it's like, sorry. What happened? Like, they have them on the ground, and they run down on the ground, like, making a lot of noise.

1:42:42 Young David. screaming like look at it Oh It's dead. It's just. Yeah, so you can't let them have social media. And then maybe also about forcing the female into estrus because she doesn't have to take care of the baby. Yeah. Oh, my God. they like honey and oh the lion king oh lion what is that someone got bit damn dude i think he's Finland doesn't have black bears.

1:45:49 between a brown bear nature's metal So descent do it also. That's life. That's real life. Yeah, that's real life. That's educational there'd probably be so many of them. Damn. don't you don't see the whole thing the whole like we look at it as cruelty But yeah, exactly. Yeah, big cats. Let's see what a large male tiger is. Tiger knows the man is up on top of the elephant.

1:48:53 So the cat size tigers are heavier weighing up to 800 pounds the lines 550 so yeah tigers are bigger pounds. So it seems the tiger would have a Wow. It's a phantom punch. yeah it's it's it's like the difference between a wolf and like my dog Marshall. They do call them king of the jungle. Their real habitat is the open savanna, where they can hunt mammals such as gazelles, antelopes,

1:50:55 you have to watch it's called relentless enemies and it's about a particular group of lions that So they're eating like the most dense protein meat in enormous quantities. Just angry. Because they have to run down these gazelles and stuff and catch them. So these lions in there. The whole thing is just get a hold of back legs fucking cool horns he has.

1:53:11 God, I want to say And the river changed courses. in Evolution. Swamp cats. Oh my god. For sure, though, the Romans must have brought Yeah, why would you not? You want to see the best of the like Mike Tyson, Lennox Lewis in their prime. Yeah. Why would you not? Who would win against a tiger versus a lion? I mean, think about rooster fights. You're like, no, sir.

1:55:18 and there's fucking roosters everywhere man it was crazy he had i'm not bullshitting like like a whole setup in his probably did not want to go there Oh more than a thousand cock fighting birds Come on, Jimmy. holding up dollars. And then they get them riled up like, who the fuck is this coming at me? And so then you don't even feel it. And everyone changes money.

1:57:12 yeah i don't want to even see that yeah i i love dogs but i do know that some of those dogs that Like Pit Bulls are really intelligent. Like a good one that's raised well that's, you know, you have it since it was a puppy. They should be. Some hate kids. And they'll just fucking knock over garbage cans and start going to war. Just everybody. Like, I don't, if like a fish kills a fish, it doesn't bother me at all.

1:59:24 Those are the two most common. Who would you rather see get killed who would you rather you know if he's They're more aggressive than any cat. But a dog gives a fuck about you, other up and they peck at each other oh a sick chicken will get pecked to death by the other trying to, like, slash them. I saw a foot on the ground, just a chicken foot with a razor attached to it, just on the ground.

2:01:42 Like, is it okay? Oh, look at that razor they put on. They have a booklet of razors, and and these guys they're about to fight their losers Yeah. So, when I went to go to my gardener's place, he had this whole setup. You could hear Val Verde illegal It's not unusual to hear birds start to vomit I ain't losing any blood in that. They go home with them.

2:04:03 I saw a guy in that country eating parrots. Oh my God. What's the unicorn of the sea? Someone gave us, it was an indigenous guy in Canada. He's like, try this. The meal was amazing, but the Norwall. It wasn't good. where someone can serve it to you. First Nations. to root for and the wife had to uh shoot the seal when they when they were going to eat a seal the

2:06:51 I always see Yellowknife Where is that place? Yep. Is that the cutest thing you've ever eaten? I think Jesus Christ oh this is a troll Sometimes you're telling the truth and people don't believe you. Look at that thing. That's just a bacon cheeseburger, bro. It's Vegas. Yeah, it's the size of the burger. What's that top thing on it? Right. That is better.

2:09:21 I might have been there once, man. Yeah, that one was the worst sound ever. That's not seasoning, and they were too lazy There's a whole group of people that do that. It's like he'd get away with it. still alive and it bleeds out of the brain. What? Yeah. That's real? That's what that was. The lower left-hand corner. But wouldn't you think that that would be dangerous?

2:12:06 Monkey brains have traditionally been eaten Studies are out or whatever. He says it's wild. They have these long faces and giant ass fucking teeth and baboons And you'd be screaming while the scene. That'd be a tough one to fucking deal with. They eat everything that they want. Ostrich is a weird animal, too. That's why I wear them as boots is because I was trying to help the environment or something like that.

2:14:43 Wow. Like ah No no think you respond look at that thing that's so mean look at the eyes on that thing that thing You're gone. The thing you have to worry about is the legs. So you would beat the shit out of it with you. What approach so you would be with you what oh my god the guys riding and ostrich I'm changing my mind. so much neck he's in trouble dude he's in big trouble that's all the question is can you choke

2:17:13 And get in here and I connect it to my forearm. this is what you said about that is what you said about David Lucas Tony Hinchcliffe Yeah. Yeah, but you're getting over, because he's just going to peck at you. you do comedy. friends. You hit it with a ruler? Yeah, you got to KO him or Kimura the neck. Star Wars-like. That's smart. But also counterpoint don't you wanna go to the body where you know?

2:20:17 Wow. lion rough episode for lions fucking big chickens now we had such an elevated opinion of them yeah So it wasn't Cecil's brother. People are so fucking funny. Okay. You need a knife and a good rear naked choke. LiveLeak was the last place to put videos where they were like, you can do whatever you want here. people got hurt up Yes. Yeah. The show was already over. I was like, ah, fuck.

2:23:32 What is it called? Is it AriTheGreat.com still? Come on, man. How many followers did you have? Maybe. Whatever. is everywhere you go that's not Twitter, misunderstood what car racing they were all screaming what russell brandon no let's go Yeah, it was a girl. And then everyone started co-opting. Win. You told me before this race that if you were to win, it would be incredible.

2:27:14 What did you learn that helped you there in those closing laps? cutting as he was racing. And then the right wing people which is a fact that everyone admits and knows they can ban you for that too, So like we'll decide like you can't know this truth. No one is? Debunked. So Facebook Nothing. What came up? and I wrote hashtag fuck you at the end of it.

2:29:50 what is it and so then i fuck you as a way to express yourself i posted about the single bullet They sold it to everybody. He just happened to make a lot of money in this thing that only I knew about. Reported, reported. Oh, let me bet against that team. I think you would have with them for the announcement Yeah. even if I told them, Yeah. The head guy likes me.

2:32:19 It's like, it's not for you then. Yeah. he was a gay guy because then you give a little bit of leeway he was one of the first ones like If it's all retarded anyway, then yeah, I'm going to fucking join in. Well, yeah, only mayor. That's not true We're like I don't care Villagrosa changed his name Right mean O'Rourke is Irish Beto is Warren Wilhelm jr. Wilhelm Wow

2:35:16 oh you ever thought about going back to that just to fuck up your career not bad not bad i am prone You never see it coming. That's a good name. That's a good change into that. Yeah, Goldberg. What's Tony Hinchcliffe's a lie name? No. Yeah, that's a real name Yeah, it's a fitting in Hollywood back there. Oh, come on. What's her real name? I don't know.

2:36:33 Oh, my God. What run profession She gets her two years into comedy so people kept saying Tyre, I remember when Jamie Massada in my first year? I loved it. What? A lot of times, I mean, he's got to get some good advice out there. people in the world right yeah well there's also a bit of a defense mechanism where you'll say things just to make the comics laugh like in fact

2:38:51 it's like they're coming out of that. Where people love to go see it and they, go sign up and get better. Yeah. I would think some of it would still hold up. I was like, okay. You can't teach a person who does it, It's like, develop whatever jokes you want, than there ever has been before. at the same time so mainstream in the numbers that they hit but like complete like

2:41:28 You find videos that literally you can't get anywhere else. great idea. Oh, no. I can't watch people eat shit. In a small room. But then the vomiting all over his mouth at the end. Yeah. He would eat dog shit that he would found on the ground that was dried up for a joke. He's lying there with his So he has to throw it up or he'll die. He's getting another one. He's about to bust.

2:43:49 Excuse me. No, no, no, no. And the final burst It's impossible. Oh, my God. Like a baby bird? It's not on YouTube, actually. Was it me? Maybe it was a webcam. Remember PalTalk? You couldn't get it on a Mac. but um but no one but there's versions of it from of it back then than the 2006? It was epic. It seems like when you would get on that show Wow.

2:47:32 Yeah, and he's got a green screen so he's like I'm like a penthouse apartment in New York City's American flag behind them thing. He set up a full professional in his fucking house doing live from the compound crazy gun guy They don't even know who it is. He's that gun on his leg? He's one of those guys. 2007 or 2008 if I remember correctly and I think there was a problem with

2:49:42 scene is just like what somebody uploaded somewhere. Morning has And then we said let's just start streaming something on Ustream And I went to Adam Carolla's place. And I remember doing it at his place thinking, wow, this is unattainable. I'm like, oh, I could do that. Right I saw Anthony I'm like oh I could do that right very few just turn on turn

2:51:47 And then add a few things. Right. years yeah years in but i didn't even think about it that way yeah no it's just fun it was fun and And then did the other stuff? And Oli for a long time You give them out I never took one What's this? But now a lot of people listen. That's the difference I That's right. Yeah. We did a plane. Flying back from Australia, right?

2:54:26 Wow, yeah. Use promo code ROGAN to get in the presale. I'm doing a couple cities there. It's so hard for me not to be a full Republican on it. people have long-lasting immunity. he said you can't get it again. I haven't heard anybody get it bad the second time. I don't know what does what, but just in the interest of being open, whatever, I immediately

2:57:02 You can go get that too. like what do you want me in August it was a long road back but it's better if you take it early. Right away, yeah. It was a long road back, but. this shouldn't be a vaccine, unvaccinated, I took the monoclonal drips the second day. People are so different. sandwich. I am self destructive Meanwhile Peanut butter and jelly Is like the Number one Lunch bag Delicious

2:58:52 And a big glass of milk Yeah No shit. Really? I if I open a sandwich drop, that would be a real problem. Yeah, I'd get fat so quick Is he still doing a lot of stand-up? It's a cool bar to hang out in. He's a good dude, too. And then fucking an hour later, he's throwing up. It's like, I know where I am. Okay. All right. Let's wrap, what's that? It's like I know where I am.