Joe Rogan Experience #18 — Brian Redban Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Gentlemen! What's up you dirty bitches? We're live. Refresh your browser. Then you can see us in the Ustream like we are. Yeah, we started the, what? which is ridiculous because the fucking production value but we've got a bunch of new shit coming. After, look how insane it is. So this is some new shit we got to make the sound better for you iTunes people.

2:04 I'll have to hold on I'm stealing a page out of Anthony Cumia's because I saw his setup, You know how crazy Anthony is? Yeah, it was really eerie. And it's good to have something in the house to protect yourself because there's a lot of crazy fucks out there. With talons, black talon bullets. like it shreds are those even legal and get them like wheelbarrow fulls.

4:53 used to keep her shit and everything. He's just a funny guy. It's so much fun. on the radio. every radio show is hit and miss. I got to talk about it because I think it's very crazy. So what I thought, I thought that was just weird. That's a good move throwing a chick in a hot tub. If you're gonna throw a he's very self-indulgent and he just got whacked out on that shit but apparently it's hard it's

8:33 like for sure it's pharmaceutical companies they absolutely know what the fuck they're doing with shit's fucked up but I mean do you think did you see her reaction in the video with her old husband well either way that faggot that was fucking Larryry king's wife and now he's talking so he makes her watch the show, she's like watching the show, He's such a fucking snitch bitch.

11:08 A man who knew the deal right from the get-go. And now he's like just spilling the beans for just all these magazines and he's talking Well, telling the whole entire world that you're a wife beater, if that's not true. and if you don't know anybody that has a drug problem out there, There's people that are addicted to things. that and coke, you can get caught.

13:38 she's playing like a role right so you think he fucked up by talking shit destroyed her her you I mean, anybody who loses their temper and physically assaults a woman. like every time like like her parents were drunk since he was 18 she blackout crazy drunk like every time like like her parents were drunk since was trying and trying and finally i'm like all right look it's my sister's birthday this weekend we're gonna go out and have some drinks if you want to come

16:01 like it was like and I'm like grabbing her like stop stop you know get I was so upset. I slept through all this and you wouldn't let her leave But when you're, like, young and So anyways, I got all these charges against me. so i had to go to like these psychiatrists and this one person, he was like the deciding factor. And so then he's like, to the partner, I'm like, all right, this is this guy's friend, you know, that went to school with this girl.

19:27 the same class so he hooked it up for his friend well if you worked with your ticket it's like a $50 ticket disturbing the peace yeah disturbing the peace but away from her disorderly conduct disorder but here's the here's the I was pissed off that night. The law has to try the case. And if you run in bad circles and I ducked under and grabbed her.

22:22 almost always people that had really if a girl was hot I would date her it didn't matter if she yelled at me I mean I make coffee it's so hard I had to get laid. a girl can come in and just just fuck up the whole situation just by giving you pussy yeah The things that have been bothering you for a long time and you've been just trying to push them to the back your head

25:04 Dude, you haven't even used my tank. Have you done the isolation tank together dude you haven't even 7th or 8th. I got it back. DVD and a CD if you give me that. All right. And about having good does the same thing to you. and what their real issues are, oh, okay, you stop being a mess, you're never going to be involved in a good relationship to take advantage of you if you're nice. I mean, there's some people that you can't be nice to.

28:47 one thing is being honest. Like what the fuck is that? Like if you're a really honest person, when people are full of shit, you just fucking spot it like right away. Remember? Very competitive. faggot. Turn in your man card. had helped this guy and gotten this guy Exactly. He wanted to be famous. No, I haven't. What's that thing that keeps going on?

31:53 It's awful. kids room like it was like a bunk bed it was real happy but then there was like a place for a baby and i'm like wait is this just like you know poor person with only one bedroom and had to share like who have a really highfalutin lifestyle and spend tons of money and you know get I think, you know, when I moved to Colorado, that was a good thing for me too,

33:27 It was very interesting to me. I have my whole system set up where I buy my dog food. I have the guy who works on my car. You know what I mean? I have all this shit in L.A. I have my whole system set up where I buy my dog food. and then they have friends. He's super friendly. And guys can meet guys like that. show all over again the woman would go up and the guy would go up do everyone

35:18 And he was a totally normal dude. I had two female pit bulls and one of them killed the other one. why you can never let your dog get away with shit. You can never let your dog growl at you know yeah i agree It seems like that's Next thing you know, we're out having a beer together. to deal with tapping out you got to be able to deal with dudes dominating you because in the

37:53 You're going to meet some other lady who has a baby? I got some guy fucking cornered me And if I don't care about it, I just, like, I put that, like, on, like, the coffee table. and that to me reinforces my feelings that human beings are supposed to live in small tribes we're And it's always like the 14th one. But I think for, uh, for names, think for names, it's pretty locked in.

40:13 we know thousands of words Most of us use serendipitous. You only use 10% of your brain. Right. It was real awkward socially. And I say, no, I'm not. crazy he didn't do anything and he got away with her and the whole day but this the guy he was You know, but, you know, in the parking lot logic on these people. Make sure when you Google it I think Kirk Cameron is almost definitely gay. The more I watch him in these videos the more I'm like, there's awesome. He's so bananas. I think Kirk Cameron is almost definitely gay.

43:25 I would go to jail for that. See what he does. Or she is? opinion, is an ancient philosophy. that makes no fucking sense. And if you really want I would never have thought that if my parents, when I was a kid, go, look. I think if your life falls apart and all these people that are into Jesus seem happy and connect the same way as people that lived a hundred thousand years ago if you took a person

46:08 And Brock Lesnar, he's got videos of him hunting. Very, very rewarding and fulfilling. Get the fuck out of here listen to your We are not wired to deal with this world that we live in right now. drawings that guy we got a pretty good idea what he looked like. Abraham Lincoln How long have Caucasians existed? Black turns into white, but white's not going to turn into black,

48:58 All right, that's why. who began darker skin first migrated north. At least with Jesus, you're allowed to fucking draw a picture of him. It was driving me crazy. When you see every time they say Muhammad, it beeps. So they drove Muhammad around in a U-Haul how much you're afraid, He's never done anything. He's never had a drop of alcohol. episode you know

51:38 me being gay I was watching Orgasmo last night. I don't know if you've ever seen that one. It's a movie that they're the most prolific and brilliant called shockwave.com used to be shockrave.com which was a bunch of flash movies and stuff this is great they're like whoa whoa we said uncensored but this is this is out of control And even though they said they were allowed to do anything they wanted,

54:03 Those guys are so crazy. They took it to the... They're the best. I watched the last Goldfinger movie or whatever he did. Like, Mike Myers, to me, like in the movie, Gold member. But what's crazy is you go back the same character Oh. I mean, when those movies were on, they were on. and it's like some crazy-ass new iPhone you know, and have people find it. A lot of companies do this though. A lot of companies,

57:47 stuff like that that seems a little fishy that your friends let you borrow yeah well he got a copy of it they paid five thousand dollars for the for the actual phone Well, he is a super geek. I think nowadays, that's one of the most scariest things ever. Yeah, every photo he's ever taken, all on his computers. they can pretty much, are you sure it's a it's a cell phone somebody bought a cell phone from another cell right but

1:00:25 you're doing something illegal. Yeah, they took pictures fucking phone anymore. Everyone chill the fuck out. All right, chill the fuck out. I got a feeling. that's going to be the end of the world uh following around justin who i had a camera filming his whole entire life do you remember And then we go to lunch and he goes, this is the laptop. We were.

1:02:39 When you come up with new bits, sometimes when a bit is out and it's on a CD, you know, that's to me when it's an old bit. It's not even done yet. other than the people that have seen me in the clubs, I want it to Well, you have no personal life. She would come home, talk to the husband, they would make dinner, then they would bring Yeah. a lot i mean maybe i've got the premise totally wrong but like something like ed tv is a perfect

1:05:35 The message was that it fucked up this guy's life. sliver that were like ridiculous back then I wonder if that really could go down like that. And I always chew on the plastic spoon. You shouldn't be chewing on nice things. No. Yeah, or it's Joe Show, Google Joe Show, all one word, Ark. I'll show it to you. else you think that it was everywhere around the world.

1:08:39 MySpace, I logged in the other day, Yeah, it's pretty silly, right? Yeah, it's like Some wood? If you just Google they found Noah's Ark, you can see it. And so they put it on Facebook. online. Her and her Dobie friends are trying to So tell us your story. And I'm doing the exact opposite of what they would enjoy. where to watch yes it felt exactly keep doing it man

1:11:34 It's a small organization. the coolest thing in the world he got beat up, just picked Uriah Faber because basically, for like a minute and a half. You know, Aldo's so goddamn fast. man that really translates well to be able to kick you know throwing leg kicks Shit son. And it fucking hurts like hell. From the second round out, he was pretty much useless.

1:14:36 that's taken nutty to a whole new level yeah you can't even show our guy in a their prophet and the funny thing is this fucking guy i said that once and this guy emailed me hey When you go back like 1,000 years plus. I have no saying. That's incredible. Yes. That's very lifelike. Yes Because like, and then they arrest someone. Back then, what the fuck did they do?

1:17:03 I love people that are really into UFOs and shit and like say they talk about images that are on like from my high school years yeah that's awesome this is from when i was like 15 dude that's crazy Oh, that's badass. That's sweet. That's ninjutsu like you do this We had T-shirts for Newton South. dude look how good it looked in color Conan The werewolf, though, wasn't like your father

1:20:55 I wanted to fucking hulk out on people and turn into a werewolf and kill motherfuckers. Like his art was serious. you know you know and he was telling me It's just entertainment. Are you learning something Mystic River? Like, what? it gives you some thrills, is somehow or another superior to superheroes or monsters. to draw fruit and it made me do it i my teacher used to say shit to me like you know like well

1:23:52 my dream was to do And this guy was just a dumpy, physically out of shape, unhealthy person. to figure out where to go. you don't realize over and over again. Yeah, what is that? And she was in there doing her math problem and I was bored. those problems. And everybody was laughing. She goes, go ahead, laugh at Mr. Rogan. Mr. Rogan you like to come up here and do both of these I will never forget it it's like in my mind it's

1:27:18 Like I'm done. like i was not really a class clown what i used to do though is draw a lot of cartoons about our that's involved in Lake Erie. and they've seen a resurgence in the fish population. So he went to draw on the chalkboard and he was only like 5'2". So I drew this one kid who was this football player who was a nice kid, I got suspended on two separate occasions for drawing cartoons.

1:30:16 I would always make fun of his farts because he had really bad farts. I know. How disingenuous is that? You to make fun of farts because it's not funny? I know. Can you imagine if he loved smelling farts? We've talked about this Not when I'm by myself. Oh, totally. Something twisted about that. Can you imagine? If you're born without fingers, you could be born with crazy connections in your head

1:33:31 or go to a place and see something I've been in my backyard a fucking thousand times, but if I had to draw it, it would be all fucking wonky. he was going to the store this one time. And like, remembered everything about me. He buys me gifts. That's strange, man. but his mouth doesn't work what you're thinking a real disconnect Like, goes at it head to head with world champions.

1:36:08 high-level black belts all the time, you know, it's like, autistic doesn't necessarily mean super, But if it's happening in much greater numbers than it ever has before, and that's debatable as well because some people say it's not. Because human beings don't have to use our fight or flight reflexes and instincts anymore. and I don't know if they even use electricity. Some of them use electricity. Some of them drive in regular cars.

1:38:22 It might be just something like cell phones and the signals of cell phones and beepers and people always want to jump on that and you know you're wear tinfoil hat with this whole and brain damage, and they received sizable rewards from the courts. Now, if that's really true, have had their children vaccinated. You're not even supposed to give babies peanut butter because they might have a peanut allergy.

1:40:56 the air it could be you know the preservatives in food it could be you know it could be a bunch of like what what was that it's nutty emotions like chaos and emotions you know you like one out of a hundred have autism and the debate as to whether or not it's been, you know, Have you ever seen retard porn And the girl seemed like more retarded, Yeah.

1:43:55 porn always has these walls when there's so much of it Like, these YouPorns and stuff like that, I bet you're wrong. But it's not but it's not the same is getting into webcam shows tech associated. If you want to find her, you'll find her. came out, anything that's anything bananas is on forums.joerogan.net, the Rogan board. creepy stalkers and I thought there was just a bunch of people out there that

1:47:40 That's all they're trying to do. no like on Twitter something to look forward to You're talking Just fuck her, dude. to fuck your face. She's just forward. What do you think of the Goldman Sachs case? They're going to bring them to court, like, say, about this and wall street in Rolling Stone magazine fascinating and Here's what I don't understand.

1:50:07 What happened? What I'm surprised of is that it keeps going. And we're just throwing patches at it, How about you going back to manual labor? and all he did every day I see the hottest chicks to probably he probably relies on yeah there's an argument while the world explodes aren't you scared trying to pay for your wife to buy new diapers for her. I think that's what you...

1:52:59 But nowadays, a million dollars? How old is your dad? No, but he could live 40 years longer. just for fun. Maybe he can invent So he has all these well why doesn't he just uh i mean that seems like a like a really promising avenue to pursue Yeah. Better to take that chance at 60 than to take that chance when you're off of something he created? They were supposed to come out and visit me next month

1:55:36 ticket she would have been screwed ah the corporate world i love when the house do you believe in fate The more it seems like it almost seems fake. and there's a set result that's going to happen no matter what? it, but you also can't say fate's not real. And, you know, you decide your own destiny because I Oh. anybody you're not creating well karma is a real thing definitely i believe karma isn't that's why

1:58:33 They choose a stance. because I think as soon as you decide and we've had conversations with these friends And you said it best when you said Exactly. There it is. Mac is for faggots. That's it. the audio that's on this week's iTunes be a douchebag forums dot Record audio. Thank you for tuning in. Later, bitches.