Joe Rogan Experience #1803 — Greg Fitzsimmons Transcript

Transcript

0:00 the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day I mean, I don't know if he's not paying extra to be there, you know. I don't mean that. Was he just dropping in? You can't wear shorts. And I weighed like maybe 100 pounds. up and down. together that'd be like oh my god And it was crazy. I'd ride seven miles home again and then and then I'd go out and take mescaline and drink all night

3:43 He's a big dude. To when? Just a fucking lean, mean machine. Yeah That's what Shane was drinking too Four percent? Probably about that. Oh, you taste alcohol. into small glasses of beer this this is a different thing. Yes. I thought it was for losers. who can function at a Yeah. No. entertaining? Yeah. That was interesting. It's for ratings. Why is it they're suddenly inserting, like, a moment of silence for this

8:34 But then the military wanted to recruit and they said, where can we find young men that are kind of physical? You know, because you know there's Okay. Hey, it's my friend's birthday. yells out, and it was exactly what you said. You'd put a bow on it. Like, oh, the smartest man in the world is involved in completely revolutionizing Ford's separate businesses.

10:53 place I've ever been to in my life. Really? Elon was showing us the truck. Oh, really? a fucking heavy round. I bought my other Tesla No. It's the most preposterous car I've ever driven in my life. I mean, it's certainly one of the fastest cars in the world. All my cars that are fast, like my Porsche, my muscle cars, they don't have a chance. There's no gears and the acceleration

13:05 Wow. I took them the other day. I remember I rented a car. I get it. isn't it weird how your kids just come out of the box totally different personalities you're right And sometimes you got to give yourself a break and go, you know what? Yeah, it's nuts. Yeah. for whatever reason they just come out of the box like that they're just different yeah we had these

16:45 my kids' development and seeing the choices they make and how they become who they are. I mean, and they were raised by savages. That's how they did it. And one of them did, you cried at the funeral. Yeah. That's it. That's how they did it. He was one of 13. He was the youngest of 13 in ireland they lived in a fucking two-room mud house oh my god That kid got fucked.

18:57 that you had more opportunity there imagine a trip and also was it better opportunity i mean you showed up in america if you showed up Yeah. they didn't believe in in this country and we were we were looked down upon for being catholic But back then, when I talked to my grandparents about it, they were saying Catholics were looked down upon. Well, they were looked at like that the Pope would rule this country.

20:38 Fucking crazy, right? They're hoarders for like generation after generation of spectacular artwork. No, 60 Minutes did a piece on the basement of the Vatican where they have all these archives of just drawer after drawer of like Byzantine tiled art and, you know, oil paintings and Everyone knows it's connected to child molesting. Isn't that funny? Yeah.

22:38 fucking catholic school teacher in first grade she was such a cunt sister. Sister Mary Josephine. I can't remember anybody's You're getting good grades there. wanted things to make sense. Cause like I was five years, and all of a sudden, I'd seen my dad hit my mom. because clearly I saw what my dad did, and he got mad that she brought home hamburger for dinner,

24:41 looking down because it was in the 70s, right? bronx and got the shit kicked out for how the women they have to cover They can't do the transfiguration. yeah i'm like this is a waste of a life yeah like because i just when when i was there and i saw how By the time the first grade was over, my sister, though, who went to the same Catholic school, You did, and that's a shame because I'm not completely,

27:37 It really, it fucked me up existentially for a while. the Garden of Eden, two Yeah, because I used to talk to God. And that was a beautiful thing. So it was just a regular. I think the first references to like And then there's a lot of other ones that are like real similar. No. That was during Constantine, right? You never get to lose. Fascinating that a man who lived almost 2,000 years ago was so in tune with all of the basic aspects of being a person,

31:04 Yeah. You know, we have this interpretation of what they did and didn't do based on literature. It's not necessarily accurate because you just have a small amount of people that are relaying this information. They were so cynical. Yeah. They quote him in Good Will Hunting. You would fit right in. If we lived there, we would get accustomed to that too.

34:43 but you'll catch up. Yeah, they tried out something. King. It's exactly what it is. He's been in so many films. While people cheered. I mean, how do you as a comedian take the side of a guy that is attacking Congratulations. Yeah, thanks. a Navy SEAL. Tells a guy to Well, that's the one that gets the actors. I just want to do film and I remember like throwing my head back going ah

38:37 I don't want to do TV. Better writing. that's ever existed we can either do this I mean, what an adventure for an actor to go through that. You don't have the time. Yeah! I don't know shit about fuck. Oh, she's awesome. Yeah, she did. Like, you can go to jail for that for quite a long time. And in a workplace, somebody physically assaulted somebody and then got employee of the month.

41:16 Right? All these Oscar winners and huge celebrities and all these progressive liberal icons thanking Harvey. They knew. the only way that they were gonna get in a movie Wow and so if you wanted to be lewis got trouble and you know a woman came out and said it was standard that if you worked with 50s? and you got hired for a three-year contract you were having sex with the head of the studio for that.

44:47 Yeah. That is the worst environment for them. And then you see people who do make it and you get more and more resentment. I'm so upset with it that I am ready to quit Hollywood, Maureen says. give my baby away, and get my name and photograph She was in that movie with John Wayne. Completely different kinds of human beings. who's a female, Look at this.

47:59 John Wayne and Maureen O'Hara in McClintlock. There's some wild scene in here, I think. Maybe he'll beat her while she's running because she's got Oh, my goodness. But this is what's wild. Now she's gonna escape. Oh, my God. Oh, she pulls She's dead. Oh, for sure. Yeah. Oh, now he's got her. Oh my God. Don't think you're going to get rid of me that easy.

53:27 And now she's been subdued and we see them at home and now it's docile and they're making out. That's wild. Well, her in particular. I mean, I can't think hitting my wife is the furthest thing I could ever imagine. Some real bad things are happening if I'm hitting somebody. like I'd like to be in the writing room gawkers. Onlookers, you know? what's crazy yeah like that when you look at art it shows it gives you, it's like a time machine.

56:14 It just doesn't work. You don't like the Marx Brothers? Oh, yeah, yeah. He's the guy who figured out how to take social and cultural issues and just a unique take on life and explain it in a way that blew people away. off the rails at the end with all the if you go and watch his stand-up from the early 60s it's not applicable no it doesn't work today

58:40 comedy but it's a time capsule if you didn't live in that time if we lived back then we would be then like what was it what was it like to walk around back then like what what was it like like They were predominantly the same races and that same like repressive society that they were living in. like, this is incredible. This is the premise. And there's only a few people

1:01:27 Yes. Right. you would be Oh, yeah? They'd probably have hemorrhages. Right. time machine to a like, it wasn't in a mean way, like, it wasn't homophobic in a hateful way. It was just homophobic oh my god yeah yeah but in a funny way like it wasn't in a mean way like it wasn't it is if it's just women you, or if it's just men. They would hate you so much.

1:05:08 I didn't see that. I don't even know who Regina King is. Really? Your test is fine What's at the beginning of that video? There it goes. I just got to get on down here. Wow. So is this playing off the fact that men used to grope women? So then she groped on them. Right. Biological woman. No shit. So there. Is that Roids? And she fights over in Japan sometimes.

1:09:53 This is her soccer kicking this chick. She lost a jiu-jitsu match recently to a woman that might weigh 100 pounds less than her. Japan likes freak shows. Yeah, they've had women fight men. and she's touching Jason Momoa, Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Right. I remember you got attacked in Boston. attacked Greg, you cracked a joke, headlock, and literally smoking a joint

1:12:59 and then I got to finish? The way you handled it, though. Okay, who's next? it was, right? I think it was my first standing ovation when I went back up there. The way you handled it, though. Yeah. well you know what he would have said he would have Oh, the whole, seeing Will Smith sit there, like whose fucking idea was that? Talk amongst yourselves.

1:14:37 This is not what you want. And then a second later her legs are down. Wow. Who knows? That's what a lot of people think of a strong woman. who's very self-centered and enjoys telling people what to do. They get off on that. They When there's a shift, Because there's a lot of successful people in Hollywood And if you're in a situation like the Harvey Weinstein situation where everybody relies on that person.

1:17:06 the Academy knew they're some of the greatest films of Yeah. Yeah. And most of them are fucking awesome. Right. Yeah. I mean, you can go down the line. He's like the Coen brothers without Oh Brother Where Art Thou. The more you watch a Coen Brothers movie It's such a good movie. odd looking dude that kind of like it gives you a certain flavor to him.

1:20:20 Yeah, yeah. There's not a lot of good comedy movies anymore. Couldn't make that movie. Yeah. Like, oh my God. He was tucking his shirt into his pants like an Was it Ron Paul? You remember all that? So he pats her. She's too old for you. Is that what it was? So she's taking off his thing. Because if I'm going to tuck my pants, I'm going to go like this.

1:24:50 in a hotel somewhere. But with a 15-year-old, that's dark. How old is he now? Well, there was also the sexual revolution was happening, No, that's the age of legal drinking and stuff. It's always been 18. Yeah, but it's not. Right, but I don't think it was ever 21. Just Google, what was the age of sexual consent in 1970? Yeah. 26 states had age of consent at 16.

1:28:18 And then they dated. It was his cousin, and she was 13. So it used to be younger than 16. So in 1970, I mean, like, you don't have to fucking do it. Damn. Look at that. She doesn't look unhappy. It does look like her. Is that the same woman? Oh, Jesus Christ. Wow. Yeah. One of them was, I remember people, Too much loving drives a man insane. Like, who fucking knows?

1:32:11 Yeah. He's a sucker. Wow. He's a sucker. a sucker wow he's a sucker does he have money married he still pays her alimony they never had any children she lives in his old amazing house Hundreds of thousands of dollars a year. she's like a normal person like there's nothing wrong with her right she's 100 capable like the And it works both ways. that they do it that way yeah it's a it's it's this is one area where i'm sexist. I really am.

1:35:43 That all makes sense. No. So she's taking care of her children and she's paying Alma. If you've got a law degree and a resume and you're not working that's on you that's just a scam yeah a guy doing that an able-bodied Exactly. Yeah. Hard. No effort. Because you did it in a different decade. how much time has he got left? short amount of time and you get that money. Yep.

1:39:48 and all that stuff, but you're trying to make money. This is how I met him. into this old rich guy's life and I mean, you're just so wise. Yeah, that shit. Literally happened later that night. Oh, look, it's right in the line of your rook. Nature. Yeah. Like, I mean, Dude, you know who it happened to? No, no. I thought he was president. I can maybe name 20.

1:43:14 Roosevelt? So he was, I don't think he was ever president, but he was, and I think the reason why is and then he was Washington's like, Yeah, they wrote it with a feather. and she kept Yeah. Let's see. But that's a story as old as time. I don't know. Oh, Hamilton. It is? Hip-hop about a politician who got seduced. The question was whether or not he should have written that.

1:46:13 A daughter named Susan, born August 18th. everything else is like in this list is like so proper to the bottom line code for i just want If you're good at it, like, guys are vulnerable. Becomes buddy-buddy with him. Because even if you get a prenup, it's probably pretty fucking generous. Oh, right, right. Yeah, I think they actually had an agreement, huh?

1:49:31 you don't think you deserve you don't think you deserve good dick or good pussy and all or the wrong husband to seek a duel as retribution. Because they got $1,300 at the end of the... That's a weekend at the Treehouse in Danbury, Connecticut. Oh, do they really? Yeah, if you sell Yeah, I got a bunch of... I'm hitting the road Coming up. And now they're finally starting to come back.

1:52:08 So many people. but the guy said, I could only work 20 hours a week. part of it is like people are exploring different lifestyles now i think the i think that the And then when it's over, they just say, let's go for it. Let's try to make it this way. Whatever that other thing was. There's a lot of ways you can communicate, telecommunicate, The Depression started like 1930, I guess.

1:55:06 people. Some people are, like we were saying, like pursuing jobs that they maybe didn't think All you really need is an internet connection and a computer. and they waste your time, and you're not doing those. to commute. jerking off it's like how many guys just jerk off all the day when they're at home? You know, it begs the question, like, what No, they have programs now for your computer that do that for you, writing programs that

1:58:10 Maybe I'll find some interesting story in the news. It's a timer on your phone, and after 20 minutes or 25 minutes, you can set it. because it's the 1970s that I live in. Well, you write late at night, right? And then I, most of the time I've been writing I have a ThinkPad, and the keyboard's just so much Like the travels, the distance, the keyboard travel is gigantic.

2:00:32 into a rhythm of where everything is and and it's effortless typing is so much better yeah i've been The standard distance, I think with the new MacBooks, it's probably like, I'm going to typewriter you think so well you know andy rooney was still writing on a typewriter until the end. Yeah. There's no feel to it. they think pads are fucking durable as shit yeah it's the like you get trapped into the mac

2:03:04 But for the most part, most people probably just use the keyboard. They've done studies that show that people that have like more keyboard travel Yeah, you think maybe a little bit more deliberately and a little more slowly. And I think, yeah, but what if you want to edit that? One of the things that I was using that I haven't used lately, use it for book writing and it also does this too it has like us just like

2:05:49 No. on people doing that instead of using Word, do I use it? I think I use a black column and each individual bit I'd have written out, which helps me a lot because when I used to just have, like, bullet points, and that's for memory. Are you looking at it on stage or that's just the process of writing it etches in your memory? Yep. I saw him with a piece of paper the other day. Oh, you did? A whole notebook. Chris Rock went his last one hour together coming into the comedy store. Never had a piece of paper. I saw him with a piece of paper the other day.

2:08:54 Killing. you know at the uh or they'll hand you a piece of paper sometimes because there's a guest that So he comes up, and he fucking kills. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's also a moving target because you see how people have felt about Will Smith. It's been And the new ones that came out were mostly anti-Will Smith. Like, well, good, because he didn't. I was like, there's a difference between someone saying that at a party.

2:12:07 And everyone's laughing. Or maybe he's like, that. I love you. Here's he says that. I love you. the front row. That's part of your job as and he's out there. career you're an idiot. fucking weighing in on. Stop. and regional diversities. It's a great feeling. that's what how and then you're going to have an opinion about you know the economy but the thing

2:16:23 on the showing of her films in China like maybe that's karma. But the fact that in Florida, I used to have a whole bit about it because of the Duck Dynasty guy. And I was like, he better be nice to gay people. because they wouldn't wear camo they would start striking out more and hunt. Like how did that thing that happens after it rains and the sun comes out,

2:19:10 Jamie's getting a workout today. And he added a plus onto it. They call that P. How old is this kid that you're saying is pansexual? You know, like, that's a weird one, right? Oh, here it is. Oh, wow. in 78, it says the demand for the rainbow flag The use of the rainbow design for gay people? And he would cry. And he would get on the edge of tears?

2:22:12 Mandy Patinkin's an odd duck, right? It was great. It tastes like soap. Yeah, yeah. I get people love it, but there's a lot of shit people love that I just don't understand. Yes. It's clever. understood when you do acid for some people, which maybe that's my problem. So the visions that you have sync up with the music. if you just heard the Icaros without that,

2:25:22 And they've got these rattles and and i've listened to these There'll be no more. They stay in the music and it's spectacular. The shamanistic practice of the ayahuasca ceremony is ancient. and then you're taking another plant and combining it with it. And this plant has an MAO inhibitor, So when you take an MAO inhibitor About 15 minutes, I would say.

2:29:27 So for me when I've done it And whatever it is it's different a second later dream again? He'd be like, fuck, how did it go? Something something about dreams when you wake up? They're very vivid and specific but within five ten minutes that very vivid specific memory goes away And then Phil Hartman was explaining to me that he and his wife worked it out.

2:31:23 So as he sat down, he leaned to one side and he fell over. and then you go back and film for another season. But I didn't see him. Yeah. Research Foundation, which is a foundation that's run by these folks in, I think it's in New Mexico. I got a study in 2018. So they've proven it, at least in these mammals. forehead right back there let's go there and also like you know the eye of horus from the egyptian

2:35:48 That's amazing. Like if you had feelings about Phil Hartman that were unresolved, that it is basically activating parts of your brain that will let you emotionally deal with that when you're ready. Because dreams are very confusing to people. people that understand quantum DMT is the most potent psychedelic drug known to man, I think your brain, which is even more potent,

2:38:31 I have dreams. You think I could have broken through? And what he used as proof of this, Yeah. or developing similar inventions completely unrelated to each other, that it's not as simple as two people solving the same puzzle because they have the same tools and the same idea progresses to the cell phone, naturally progresses to Wi-Fi, whatever it is. But it might not be it. It might be that as well.

2:42:30 It wasn't like a single-celled organism but it's kind of similar. You can focus. That had to have evolved, and it evolved in a way that connects to our emotions. a coincidence. But man, I've thought about people like they just pop And she was blind. Here it is. Okay. In 1979, during a meeting with writer Valentin Sidorov, Vanga said, Yeah, right. Oh, damn it.

2:46:56 Mm-hmm. The water's right there. salt out of the water? Yeah. Yeah. towards Chicago, they can time when it's going to hit Chicago or a conventional nuke. And when they explode, isn't there something like it sucks the air out of your body? We don't have those either, do we? I mean it in the other way. An old liar. And Obama is at this party, and Obama is saying hi to everybody and shaking hands and actively ignoring Biden.

2:50:14 No shit. he'll find a way to fuck things up. This is the one. And Obama's like shaking people's hands and talking to people and then he puts his hand on his shoulder. In any world. If you and I If you're touching my shoulder... Like, you've got this guy What are you saying? Are you saying that we're going to send troops to Ukraine? And then they cut the screen.

2:53:08 That's not what it says. He's more distinguished. But Biden is older. They have all of their faculties. Yeah. Dick Van Dyke. All the union leaders, the press. Oh. But the fucking Democrats, when Trump was in office, they were like, oh, my God, he's mentally compromised. Do you think he'll run again? her just be president. I don't think I'm sure you've seen some of those, right?

2:57:53 that's ridiculous because there's a shit ton of them that people have mocked because they're these Once again, for another doozy of a word salad statement. digested and she's gotten so much bad publicity and one they're just talking about it oh this That's what happened. Who's the oldest, statist white guy we can find? threat is he your guy that was the guy that that was the first time i ever got canceled

3:01:13 You become a part of the thing. bill. How is that not insider trading? stocks especially not shit where they have and then individual stocks. That's it. Especially not That's crazy. But he gave me the inside tip. And I said, my strike price is $400. It went up and down like that. A day later, on January 25th, President Joe Biden signed an executive order requiring all federal vehicles to be electric.

3:05:22 The Post paired a picture of Pelosi next to a photo of Biden signing the order. What are the odds? Yeah, but for sure she knew he was going to do that. And also, how'd you get a million bucks to invest? It's all trading. Can you just buy what they buy? That's a good move. that order. I know that I was going to buy Tesla Yeah. Oh, that's right. What could he have done?

3:09:33 It's the timing of the disclosure, it says. Sure. You, whether you can edit it. Like if you write something and you write 1945, but you 14th according to the filings but he made his public disclosure only monday and is now above $50 Yeah, exactly. But The biggest stakeholder, shareholder. was dealing with comments on another social media platform. name the one they're like this person was talking to me about specifically because I don't want to fuck up.

3:13:36 But the problem is when they've got these shitty people that they've kicked off of these Yeah. Yeah, I guess it's like, you know, and we look at this with a panel of objective experts, Have the Republicans found the same results? Because here's the evidence, and we'll point to the article and maybe a link. No. I believe so. Yeah, I believe so, at the time. I think they also make ATM machines too.

3:17:42 Remember the dangling chads? But banning a president seems fucking crazy. Right. People are fucking. kind of shaky. They wanted us fighting amongst ourselves and distrusting the democratic process. No kidding. That's crazy. share of the links to popular news and Do you remember there was a Howard Stern controversy because there was a video that got released,

3:21:29 So he's on stage, and he's got a PowerPoint presentation. out there that are filled with, you know, tricks. Yeah, they're trying everything they can. I had this woman, Renee DiResta, on my podcast. Shit. to some extent is not to kick And then you go over there and you're like, well, what the fuck is this? You want free speech, but you don't want a cunt farm.

3:24:57 Into the Storm. that they would distribute in this very cryptic manner. Right. saying that's what leads people to start these theories is that they weren't given the truth Exactly. People have done things. I mean, it's probably one of the reasons why they killed him. The fact that they didn't just come up with that plan, but the fucking Joint Chiefs of Staff signed it.

3:28:13 They had a drone. That plan was in some way eerily similar to a lot of the crazy conspiracy theories that people have about 9-11. so that we could go to war with Vietnam Really? Nobody wants to believe in aliens and UFOs more than me. That's what I think. Yeah. Yeah. I don't like when the Pentagon starts telling me that UFOs are real. They're just making people pay more attention to it. But if they have a product that behaves and moves in a way that is unexplainable with traditional acknowledged

3:31:53 and then your dad suddenly introduces you to his new friend No, they're not giving you anything they don't want you to have. Right. At least it's I told him, I sent him a message, hey, my wife's mom is so into your book, and she's all in. where that Jolly West guy was giving acid And everybody went there. He said, I'd love to get on the phone with her and have a conversation with her and maybe answer some questions.

3:34:21 And he just came to my birthday party two nights ago uh thanks and uh happy birthday thank you and he never tires if i but Tom was originally hired to write an article and then more people hire him for me this whole story and I'm like oh a guy who loves conspiracies yeah I'm like oh my god this Because there was some LAPD officer who was on his deathbed that was finally ready to talk.

3:36:38 And he's like, no, I didn't. Yeah. Yes. Great club. Irvine Improv. And then I think so. Yeah, doing it all. I can't wait.