Joe Rogan Experience #1811 — Brendan Schaub Transcript

Transcript

0:00 the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day I'm not going to put it out there it's the biggest. When you busted it out, I was like, because I got an offer. this out would you like to get involved I'm like whoa I don't know it's I don't You nailed it though. I don't really understand. Caramel? so anyway i wind up uh meeting this guy there and then years later i'm watching this documentary

2:55 The way this guy fucked up is, the movie's called Sour Grapes, He loves wine. And when I first started hanging with Brian, what was this, 10 years ago around LA, it'd I have no idea what I'm doing, it is earthy, I really can't put a And I was in the back bar and you caught me. I'm like, dude, I don't drink. Next thing you know, you know, I got a bomb.

5:12 Dude and Rip I got so into it And we go on vacation there now because of that show. foreign plates foreign meaning another state foreign and uh the guy wrote you know like fuck off from someone montana born and raised Dude, it's an amazing place. We don't want all you guys here. commitment to move somewhere, Coeur d'Alene. It's not like Hawaii can keep it. Mexico can suck it. Really? It's fucking it, man. Dude, Montana, Hawaii can keep it.

7:32 Really, I love Coeur d'Alene, but as far as taking my family on vacation, we're like a It was fucking fun. I worry about bears. Right. and find this thing like yeah sure they pick us up so it's me and my two boys and my girl and my Oh, they're so aggressive. bears in utah there's moose in new hampshire no no bears out there but there's bears in utah though

10:14 find new territory. Someone just died. Don't eat me ass first. Yeah, they just get your neck, and they want to be able to. Yeah, only season two. selling the horses oh really yeah he's always on the horse yeah oh interesting and he's like Super nuts. You don't need to, but I'm saying- Oh, it's not going to ruin it at all. but to me, halfway through I looked at my girl,

12:22 I say that, and then I need to go watch the other ones again. At least Catwoman, she owned cats. Yeah. It's like, yeah, that could definitely happen. Todd Phillips just fucking nailed that movie. though that movie's so goddamn good and the the bad you know the character so believable and they There's a deleted scene. Oh, and it's him with like the joke for like six minutes and dude fuck. It's good

15:00 I don't know. Yeah. I forgot it. yeah dude that that car scene with him and that that batmobile if you look up the batmobile Seems like it's a wide thing to park. No? It's so loud. Because it's like you know that this is, like, No, that's not it. Like the tumbler thing or whatever. That's what it looks like. That's off old-school chassis a Dodge Challenger. Or it might be a Dodge Charger.

17:36 That was a little emo. You like Avengers and shit? Dude, it's the best reality show of all time. At first, I was upset because I'll watch the news, and they interrupted Ukraine getting Sign me up, dude. because johnny i don't know johnny well I've talked to him before but I know of his Like, he probably likes driving fast. who also enjoyed getting like obliterated.

20:09 But Johnny was friends with him. hardcore drugs and alcohol Johnny paid for Hunter's funeral. And so he made a giant cannon out of this logo. Well, I mean, clearly he was going to blow his hat off, though. and shooting hunters' ashes into the sky. Johnny Depp is hilarious. Yeah, it's not good. if he was but look at this this is the fucking canon i'm on team depth for life you hear me

23:53 I don't give a fuck anymore The guy shoots his fucking ashes into the sky out of a goddamn cannon. Yeah. I like to hear both sides of the story. I don't want to be fucking filled up with some toxic shit that doesn't let you rot. me in there no just just like i guess get like a what do you have a hennessy just get one of those Well, Tibetan Sky Funeral is not really a funeral.

25:50 and leave him. ready to go the vultures know about it the vultures about it. Because this is how they get rid of bodies. I'd rather have a bird. Well, they just get more people to do it. That we know exactly They might be, like, devious. They probably have some kind of a language they can understand. Almost no other species has that kind of higher intelligence.

28:25 cornerstone of self-awareness and shared by just a handful of animals animal Big fucking crows. But then the skeleton's still there, right? the one guy was called an english accent he's fucked i didn't know that that was the same guy Is that what they're saying? In this case, in this video Like, you're doing a show First of all, I can't remember the last time

31:44 Maybe feel free coming again. Maybe he's like i got nothing else to lose fuck it yeah he comes back They're here. That's weird though. Yeah He has balls. Yeah, not the band. Well, he met with the biggest fucking cartel leader in the world. See if that's real, Jamie. to Mexico solely to interview the king for This is where he fucked up. Right here. I was about to say, dude.

35:17 meeting el chapo more balls the guy's got balls you got to give it to him yeah the el chapo thing Yeah, so when she said that, that makes sense. jealous, El Chapo? They play by different rules. Oh, I do. Like if something happens, at least I can call some people. And I haven't seen this the whole time we go to dinner. I'm at Boston. i didn't want to alert the family and the next morning i go hey when uh homeboy comes back in

38:30 didn't kidnap your big ass i was like you never know man you never know isn't it funny she's provide the drugs so i guess they went to the main tulum like hotel restaurant and shook down the than you are in Mexico. You sort of speak English. No, you're not going to get cancer from these. I love them, dude. Dude, I don't know if it's because I got COVID.

41:02 Yeah, I love spicy now. Well, first of all, David Lucas is on tour with me. I was like, is this actually better than smoking? Look that shit up, Jamie. And he had one of those box ones, you know, those thick ones, They're fucking tasty. He goes, I bet you blow up if I touch your ass. Chappelle, he's so funny because when he first to just be my feature.

43:39 he's like the nicest and now you know hopefully david luke's the next guy. You know, and David has it, man. Maybe it's the COVID. I didn't give up on it. It's literally just meat. And then I do that show But other than that, And fasted workouts are fine. And also Jamie, too, man. It's not a LA versus Austin. Everybody gets FOMO. Yeah, I don't know.

46:27 It's a good thing for comedy because we're just trying to help comedians get out there. No, it doesn't You learn how to read beethoven you It has a little bit, Joe, because you talk about a three-hour process of Richard Pryor and how he got to where he's at, and you look at the game now. of unknown I mean we know that he worked with Paul Mooney you know that he like he had writers and

48:52 that these other athletes do, I think it's similar with comedy. You look at Bill, you look at you. And you have to. to, like everybody but there's a way amazing like you just took a drug like you you see people piling out of theaters and they're just Isn't that kind of cool? I think what I want to do with the around that you absorb all this shit derrick's out here too. Derek Post is out here. Derek Post is one of my favorite people. He was on the road with me for two years.

52:14 to, you know, you build it, they will come, especially you. were doormen or parking lot attendants and waitresses and shit and they wanted to be Yes. You're following the blueprint. That's good. celebrate all the people that are better than them. Yeah. where maybe they wouldn't fit in on a late night talk show agree maybe they wouldn't get cast in a

54:52 They'd give me a list. I just need this out as many people that they can see and see how hard I work at this. And Showtime. It's a fucking marathon not a sprint. Yeah, like you're gonna get this stuff and say I just had a lot too early And I think, to me, it shows that I'm maturing as a stand-up. to ever do the big places the big places are wild, but it's just like, you know.

57:03 The roars of the laughs are insane. when you crush in front of that many people yelling, fuck you, fuck you. And she's standing I normally would just I'm bringing this thing home. monday night football yes and got so much shit for it because he tried to do. They're like, uh. Well, see, he's a guy that can do that. Like, remember when Dennis Miller did Monday Night Football?

58:54 It wasn't organic. And you're not trying to crack jokes. There's some hell's angels out there, great dads. Yeah, that's right. That's the thing, man. and just walks out of the room like this You don't think that we can find something to talk about? Oh, yeah. But like if you did stand up on one of those shows, like you showed them your set. Carson did it, but I know that like some of those late night talk show guys, they would have

1:01:40 that was back then though We call it Protect Our Parks. 15 beers. Have you done that? Ari goes in. Me and Ari are baked and we're drunk. My kids go to bed at 7. You know, in high school He's like, bigger dude it's jacked like because it's muscle memory that's the thing about a guy who was big It's like, were you actually playing? Oh, you like? He goes, why don't you go?

1:05:00 And their security guy was a fake karate guy. It makes me so angry when someone says the stuff we do is for the street. Like, I was on your boy, what, Patrick David Bett? They kept saying athlete, athlete, and I went, hold on, hold on. Where I was at. What are you talking about? internet because brian had this friend who'd hang around him all the time and brian go i remember

1:07:17 Yeah, he fought Vanderlei Silva in Brazil on the beach and all this shit. He goes, yeah, I did. that came in that you he goes excuse me you think we'd let an out no it's against ncaa rules because like he looked he sees the best in everybody so he he's like, no, dude, this guy fought Chuck Congle on the beach in France. Yeah, it does. It's Oh no He was like

1:09:34 I'm between you. How does he fit on the show dude And then I talk to him And I'm like god damn it you can't have a mic we got a fucking show to do i don't know this fucking. He can't have a mic. We got a fucking show to do. I don't know this fucking guy. He can't come on. I'm like, oh. Like, what is going on here? say something he's walking my goes hey but my god those fucking quads and

1:11:48 He ever tell you about Bob playing some fucking arena oh, my seat's back there. And then Bob just Give it back to me. Well, I've won. I mean, I'm not a conspiracy guy in any facet, which also, you know, met Alex Jones last night. So you're doing something right, I mean, did you see that doctor? could jump to conclusions and not be aware of the family people have done

1:14:21 I'm just the article I read this doctor goes where your orbital is on the rim of a steel bathtub or a ceramic bathtub, But my thought is, I don't know what his health was like. So they have video. Super nice to me. For me, especially coming to comedy, not everyone was nice to me, man. Right. The bad people are the people that are doing something bad to people,

1:17:50 is you got to accept the fact that people are gonna talk shit about you it's like that's what you're working towards. You're putting countless hours into that moment the laugh factory, the improv. it works or it doesn't work. and I was like, But I also enjoy that. You call him a hack and shit like that, right? easy for as far I mean I rep you know it's just like as far as you know like

1:20:30 Kills it. Yes. We did shows. They're all hammered. They can sit there if they want. I was watching, I was like, man, that's a problem. Yeah. Light out. I was like Great bits man I need to lick some ass all right suck my presidential cock all right now he's doing Trouble turns and licks the nose. All right. JFK got a lot of kooza. I did a bunch of shows with Otto, and one of the shows I did was also at Dangerfields.

1:23:47 Can I grab this ice? Do you want some? And he was also, the type of comedy that he did was just so reckless. can they cancel you like the fucking i wrote it it's the fucking it's coming out of the dummy It's brilliant, dude. I know. Excuse me? He goes, yeah, he has three more tomorrow. That's wild. If he can sell out in Phoenix six shows in an arena well those those

1:26:59 another one he's like let's see how it goes and that bitch sold out fluffy Fluffy's a beast, dude. Look at that. It's like, holy fuck, dude. Wow. Is the person who wrote that article Latino? Two Ps. Two Ps? No. No, that's a white guy for sure probably a white guy yeah big fluffy fan though So I called my team. So we're trying to get one But once you know it's off Hollywood Boulevard

1:29:16 I'll take it right now. I'm like, okay, I'll do that. How many times after that do they have to air it? When I met with him I said okay, this is you know again. I did all myself That's really what they're doing. Also the potential. Rumble. Yeah. Yeah. You're going to need camera people, sound people, lighting people. You're going to need set people sound people lighting people you're gonna need

1:33:04 no not at all the moving parts of a show you have to do what but it's like we have all that nothing like a show no not at all that I it was all what I wanted to do yeah I tried it out and maybe I some bits about vaccines and newsom and garcetti and they're like dude we're cutting this and i People dig it. they're in corporate positions. And then there's people that are in these jobs where you have to

1:35:50 and you never do anything else. And the difference between the price that an executive pays That's real working hard. well which people if i do need is friends and that And that's one of the best things about this internet culture as opposed to the culture that existed before. Benefit from helping each other. And he goes, I'm going to pull up to the late show.

1:38:10 here's my fucking team dude any questions you have use us so my team connect with his team You're only as good as your training partners. You know, it was good. And he said, dude, it's all the teaching because I'm I have these paths like solidified in my head and instead of like guessing in the chaos I You can take stuff from that and apply it to your own shit.

1:40:41 like a comic watching a comic like ah it's all bullshit you got to get all And then you've got your Neil Brennan's. You know how to do this. Yep. Agree. Me too. says what's up, and he's cool, he's super polite, but then he's on his notepad. And on Wednesday, it sucked. I like to bullshit. I'm getting ready to film something it's okay no matter what i can show people how to live with eyeballs on you correct there's no

1:44:06 Yep, but you also work very hard, dude. If I was going to give advice to anybody If your whole life, yeah, it's like one of the things that is a problem with fighters is that their whole life is fighting. associated with that. And if your last time I don't know if there's anything. happy that i didn't get hurt and i got a win and I was moving on to the next step,

1:46:42 think that's helped me out so much in comedy and in stand-up, And from all the years of working with the UFC and all my years of martial arts, it's normal to me. Shitty people out there. You're not one of them. You're a super nice guy Dude It was the first time Anderson Silva I got paid $16 and $16 to fight Noguera, who I was supposed to starch, dude.

1:48:48 I know. Yeah. Yeah. We were talking about this on the BJ podcast. That's too bad. He was the greatest physical presence that the combat sports world has ever known didn't have box app in his prime You know what I'm saying? No. Ready to go, man. and I paid for it. walking around fucking Rio de Janeiro with my family, dude. All of Brazil. When Conor talks shit about Brazil.

1:51:53 The moment Fabricio Verdum hit it with a boomerang. out to be honest because i realized how much bullshit all that that media is and it's not every morning I'd go to the same coffee shop Can you believe? That's who you are. like like what is what is she like when the camera's off like is that a professional way Because if you were in a room with her and it was just you and her and she was talking like that, that would be crazy.

1:55:12 I learned early on that social media is not real. or maybe you feel sad, whatever. Never. And you have information that needs to be distributed and you need to be anonymous. Of course you're going to engage in social media. Yeah, I'm just saying, and we talk on the phone all the time, but I'm just saying as far as three hours. a he's such an interesting dude cuz him and I are and that's why there's king

1:57:55 The guy goes on more vacations than anybody I know. the open mic days, to really developing new material, to who he is now, Talk about business decisions. He turned gay, man. He turned gay. So my thing is, got bit by a frog. He got bit by a frog. He turned gay, man. I'd seen him around, and maybe I hadn't seen a full set, but I'd seen a few jokes. I forget.

2:00:06 Well, it wasn't developed yet. He is? I don't know if I'm going back. Oh, my God. He's a perfect example of how there's no blueprint to follow for comedy. They came from the real world, and he wasn't a comic, and he's this hack. was doing headline sets like right after he got into comedy also with you Which I mean I stand up and he was bombing I hate nobody.

2:03:19 i'll work the fucking potluck emily i'll'll come there. I'll work the door. I don't give a fuck what it takes for you to give me stage time at OR. You got to humble yourself. So he just shows up and goes on stage? Because here's the thing. But I don't think he knows the rules, and that's an issue. You're going to be able to step into sparring class and do well.

2:05:35 do treat it like you're a beginner and put the work in that's how you get the respect from your He's a funny guy. He's a humble guy. you if these people are willing to go along with you in this process of you learning how to do I don't know. I don't know. Hold on. Because he gets, you bump him? And they would show up and try to go on right before. This is years ago.

2:08:29 Can you do 1030 now? And then I'm standing there just watching. you want man yeah he yeah well he deserves a certain position in comedy but all those people excited to get down i'm like the whole time i I'm gonna wonder why they're asking me to do it there's so many comics what was game at the time is game six of So seven people? He goes, whatever, man, whatever.

2:10:44 14 people. And I, you know, I wanted to talk to him about comedy. And he was vaping. He goes, really? over the Bluetooth speaker sometimes he's like this one song he became this is a first brother first yeah come back we'll be right back and we we're back. That's a first, dude. Yeah. Imagine. Yeah, dude, yeah. I just light my Latin family up for 30 minutes.

2:13:43 I hate this part a 15k marathon with all this shit i need to lose some weight so i started doing carn tough mutters and i was like i need to lose some if i'm gonna run you know a 15k really you think you're gonna do this and they do really mitch roan did the last one with me did he I go, right, right. He goes, no, I'll do it with you. And he's like, dude, I just can't.

2:16:00 Yeah? you're running and then you stop for the through it. What? Let me see this. That's it? you get electrocuted. So you gotta be smart and navigate your way through it. What? That's hilarious. it's not like you know you don't have to be fucking i tell people this all the time you don't Doesn't that seem like what's happening here? How many girls?

2:18:20 But the electrical shit, that's Mark Harley. Who builds the fucking holes and fills them with water? Yeah? I love him. like oh cool and then i was like uh hey i'm gonna do another one because after i got done i'm like It's unlimited, but last time, 500 people ran with me. There's no winning. So it's like a participation trophy. Wow. World's Toughest Mudder. Look at this shit. 24 hour obstacle course. World's Toughest Mudder.

2:20:42 Oh my God. This is a good time. I'm like, no, I'm good. Dude, you can't do it. meet and greets with everybody after your like I'm like, oh, my God. Fame that was like unmanageable. So you can't just meet everybody. Can you imagine doing it now? No, that's the problem Yeah, there was a point where I knew I had to stop doing it. When did you know? We were just using the local security at the venue.

2:23:12 No. And he goes, now stop with the gay shit, man. This is fucking eight months ago. Full gear. Bubba, come up here. I'm, I'm like, where the fuck were you guys? I go, you're security? That's the security. I'm like, what? that confident to do that, what's going on with him. See, that's the thing. I go, fellas, think about it. And this is where i fucked up i go fellas think about

2:26:31 Because that offended you. That triggered you. I go, look at the rest Me too. You know, you can feel it, dude. We're line tam dude and I could feel the crowd turn you know we can feel it dude whoa, whoa, hold on, hold on. I can feel it. And I go, hold on. I go, are you done? And you're going to shut up? She bought six hoodies? Yeah, but they think they're living in a movie.

2:28:38 Yeah, especially now. Me neither. You can't, there's not shit you can do. I mean, if she's eating fucking sweet potatoes Yeah, the real work, son. That's the problem. Oh, there's some. Because back in the day, asses weren't Now it's pretty cool. Yeah, but with girls it's crazy too Yes! Just go all the way. A bad bitch toward 2022 yeah We love you. We think you're really good, but you're missing something.

2:33:09 Timberlands, no socks. No, a bunch of old school like scarves. I'm like, what do you mean? The security, dude. And he was like, oh, what's up, B-Shop? He goes, oh, dude, every week there's something popping here. dude i'm not fucking shaquille o'neal, I look different. I'm a bigger dude. no, dude, this is the gay area. Is that crazy? This mall's nuts.

2:36:05 Yeah, so much fun. It's old as fuck, dude. How many years? He'll go there and just do sets. Interesting. I want to say the early 2000s Then you go to the diner afterwards. Yeah. We go there. What do you mean? want to come how long you here i go three days man he goes yeah he can't wear sweats man all You don't like the kind of cloth? Dude, here's my manager when I was in the UFC.

2:39:31 Like when it jumped He goes there's a difference was bankrupt more than I was. Yeah, don't go there. I get to experience such cool shit, man. You don't want to be a club owner. No, fuck no. you don't want to do that job you don't want to be a club It seems like the thing to do is to establish a real home base. and design the club. It was one of the rare moments in my life where I felt like the decision was made for me

2:42:12 It was like I'm 100% gonna open up a club. Well, that's kind of the same thing with a comedy club. I mean like another business person. Your staff, who I know very well, Correct. Yeah, but I like it here. Yeah. I mean, Dylan moved back, but yeah. For sure, he's crushing it. and we can attract people to come and hang and make it a fun place be a hub are you kidding me there's another place we can go next place is hawaii next place we start

2:45:34 If somebody went really gangster, like if BJ Penn was a stand-up comic. Joe Coy is crushing it at a lot of places. are out there available and looking for entertainment on a regular night in a city agree if you look at You could see Gary Clark Jr. if he's in town. There's fucking thousands of people. austin has always been like an amazing music amazing place for live music and still is so but

2:48:02 Say it. But, I mean, the beautiful thing is he doesn't have to either. you used to live was dicey hey man i'm coming from the studio i'm in my ferrari you know can I'm holding it in It's good. I'll go, right away, I go, I'm not Joe Rogan. It's basically daily routine. Flavor, bro. You can get it at Spex. Is it called Bourbon Outfitters? That's so weird.

2:51:20 But yeah, you can get it at thickboy.com. Add Tiger to anything it's cool I just want something different. Yeah, super bad. Yeah. What's that like? It's not bad. Have you seen this son who swings just like him? His back. I urge you. He just passed out and crashed on the fucking side of the road? And yeah, there was that one time Oh, I don't know. Yeah, there's a video of it, and he's blitzed in Florida.

2:54:51 He's like, I'm not going to do that. Well, it certainly could. if you're not doing like proper training if you're You have to like, when I feel good, one of the things that I love to do is I like to smoke a little weed and then stretch. I was touring still, and I've had every fucking variant you can imagine. how much i can deadlift like that was always my thing in college at least and uh we did 550 which

2:57:26 That's not 600 that's bullshit Man I'm telling you That's Rob Kearney. What's heavy to him, though? 315. Not even fucking close I'm in better shape. You know what I'm saying? Dude, I've been lifting. So I'll jump on, like, I'll look at the combine numbers, see what they're doing as tight ends or linebackers. That's the whole key. Most people. shut the door.

3:01:14 They're short. Don't lie. I told David Lucas last night. Yeah, it gets sketchy. That would be a problem. Like, good luck. People can see how you respond and, like, what your real feelings are to all kinds of it Also, you get to look at your accusers to meaning like if you know who a person is and then you know that someone is You have employees and you have boss,

3:03:33 I got to run this fucking thing. you know, even with the tough mutters and everything and anxieties through the roof you Like find some time during the day and sit alone and just think about your breathing. but it's also like uniquely They don't even know. Yeah, peanut butter and jelly, daddy. and you're getting a feel for things. a person can have in a normal city without like completely losing their fucking mind.

3:06:16 When I got canceled, like from the time I got- And how much when all the cancel, also being canceled is hilarious, but no one's canceling How'd you deal with it? I don't know why you keep that in your mouth. Just before him, by me. The mango and the lemon fire. I'm going to prepare myself. Yeah, all right here. We go. Yeah, let's do this doesn't taste bad. It's the it's like strong. Yeah

3:08:13 Yeah. I was good for about 45 seconds earlier. I do seven shots of espresso. like one of those fucking trucks You've done your very best. and then this is going to be an awesome little milestone what it's like to experience that live correct live is so much better for I used to have to follow him in the 90s. it was just one of those Mitzi Shore things

3:11:05 I think that's the competitive athlete advantage we have Whether it went good or bad, you'd want that for yourself Same thing the other night with Louis C.K. are watching me still on his phone you know what the fuck he does and he goes oh shit i'm next it He came in the back of the green room. that's a big deal. it aside like what you're getting when you watch him on stage is a really really talented stand-up

3:13:37 Tony. Tony Rock is the guy that has the opposite thing. Tough follow. Dude, in the main room. I was like, oh, I want to see Chris Rock's brother. I've never seen anybody. Then Tony Rock You got a ceiling, dude. I watched that and watched them went holy fuck there's certain guys yeah yeah at this as like, this should be studied. I think even a thousand.

3:16:24 How many musicians? How many doctors? How many lawyers? Actors? i know there's a lot more musicians how many musicians how many someone could put it together. You've had enough. Let's run this down. it, we're going to blast that out. Thicke Boy YouTube. There it is, dude. We're at 70,005 hours, so we're doing the goddamn thing, dude. It's out today today Thursday morning 9 a.m. It dropped on YouTube sick boy YouTube there

3:18:14 Keep hustling.