Joe Rogan Experience #1813 — Tony Hinchcliffe Transcript

Transcript

0:00 the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day We just drank whiskey and got fucked up and talked for like, how long was it? Last night was incredible. We'll have some fun. on going up yeah this is what's crazy she hadn't gone on stage in years and she did it and then Oh my god. She is... And he handled it so funny. You know how many comedians fail because he drinks on stage?

3:53 and try to emulate that thing. They leave out part of it. They leave out that part. not being a pro they're just distracting themselves with the nonsense aspects of it the partying aspects of it Yeah. And Atel, if he was visiting from New York, would be there, you know, watching or going up or hanging out or both. not like someone who's a 20-, 30-year veteran of the game.

6:54 Some people have more natural talent. Yeah. And being, you know, really thinking. and just talk into your phone and say, you know, I have this thing about page 5, But most importantly, it just really gets the blood flowing. he's always smashing food he has the fastest metabolism out of anybody in the world how's So we used to order from this place.

10:00 When do you ever eat a piece of bread that big? It's just glue in your stomach just clogging up your brain. a factor stress plays into people getting sick because how is he okay? They just fucking give you bad news. apologizing to doug for having to back out of the game you know ron after 50 years of daily tequila little bit it can get you loose it can it can but not if it's a problem not if it's an alcohol

13:13 I feel like there's almost kind of an art, and we see this, right, with a lot of these guys, Cause he goes hard in the paint. his head in the moment the magician always has his stuff set up right so like there's almost And Doug's podcast is basically, I mean, occasionally he has guests on, and rants about him and in that that ranting, the constant ranting,

15:22 and he makes it better. I can't remember what the news story was at the time, how easily you could take since that happened for the last three days from nine to 4 PM. I've been writing. So while you've been i've finished again recently that i've reread is malcolm gladwell's outliers same thing putting in Because it was for a little bit. during the pandemic like they didn't they didn't they had never even played together

18:37 That's where it's at, man. Colorado so just bang bang bang bang and you did Monday too because kill Tony yeah so bang bang He was laughing like right afterwards. side of his face was the side that was either on the ground or totally like away from everything Yeah? too chapelle's a big boy bigger than you think he is well the guy's crazy clearly there's something

21:33 Yeah, one of those Masvidal knees. There is no security in the front row at this thing. people keep they keep using the same things. His whole bit in that last special we of course everything's part of the everything else but it's like if there's stuff that you It's a weird time because we have to be able to look through the fog, a bad thing and that's a lot of what happens with these subjects instead of just being able to look

25:26 I can send it to you, Jamie. what he just did is a crazy connection he went from Roe versus Wade, which I don't know what's happening with that. Right. to A ton of them. Half the people, right? and people would think it was normal. I think he's I think he's having a hard time keeping sentences it's a human being. I feel bad for the guy because I feel i feel like imagine being in that position

30:06 you know they do these why do they do that so the priorities can't yell questions that so that if he They do it with Trump, too. And then there was no press conferences. And I feel bad for that Jen Psaki lady you job everybody gets it hates it yeah the only one was good at that uh the lady the last lady with It's like someone's speaking for the president

32:21 The press wants to get her and make her look stupid. Have you noticed? Like, circle back. how long is she circling back before she was in the mainstream media because that's when These are great. That's true. Mexican kids Oh, yeah. Oh, really? I know he's talked about it on stage before. I'm worried about Mexican cartels. marijuana and everything else that's illegal in the united states that comes up from mexico and

35:53 many people are profiting so that this stuff gets into America and keeps being distributed to Right. at this amazing house that they've had forever in Florida for it's been in their family for So they had to whatever over to, So what's south of Mexico? Brazilzil right where are we yeah so they came through mexico is that what you're saying They were watching them come.

38:34 How do you think something like that happens? and get it all up on YouTube and in the news. And then people know. I mean, how are these people You have to, so basically you have to have a family member someone like that you can call that's here like the cousin If you get hit with that, can you get hit with it more than once? pay that fee now you have to worry about being deported right how often do people get deported

41:20 I'd say it's more than 1,000. You have a bad system. on record enforcement data shows. 3,000 deportations. A month? so for eight years, confused and also what is it I mean how accurate is that so that I wasn't asked walking around he's like not making eye contact with them. It looks very strange. See if you can find that. So look. and he's having a conversation with this cop.

45:21 Lookit, he's got his back turned to it. it's so much worse than this that they're willing to take this chance and we're our standards and you'll take some wild ass chances. How many illegal immigrants do they estimate The same article is saying that there is 50,000 detained. Guess what? 6,000 a day that's that's bigger than That the agency detects through a variety of technological and other tracking efforts according to the official

49:05 Do you want people to come across? them all the time because you have to realize the amount of money that the cartel has or the cartels It doesn't say how long it was. You're just like, hi. I know. That stuff's strong. Ridiculously strong. It's Mike Tyson marijuana. I blame the Mike Tyson marijuana. That stuff's strong. Thank you. selling it to the cartel.

52:05 Wow. You know, have fun in Tulum. a smell so whatever that smell is if you're working for the police I'll give you $50,000 for an AK-47. I'll give you ten times that. I bet a lot of it comes from China right like that's where a lot of the showing athletic achievements, science accomplishments tiktok and they're showing athletic when they tried to send it over to China,

55:30 Ooh. It was something like they made $160 million opening week and 140 of it was from China. one point in time the um if you look up when john cena apologized uh opening weekend profits and everybody heard they pulled it out of China it was like 140 or 160, I forget the whole number. Except Uruguay. Uruguay Italian speaking Switzerland. Those movies kill it in other countries.

58:43 It's kind of like a little bit of the scrooge aspect of it you know you got a guy who's like losing his family because he's a piece I think we talked about this. It's like he actually plays like the most badass Santa of all time They made him like a real guy. But I think you need to be crazy to be that good of an actor. it made every single second that much more enjoyable because you're like holy shit she's

1:01:46 it's a different kind of thing you're screaming at them oh my god some darkness i mean kevin spacey was mesmerizing in house of cards i don't think you can get a I don't gotta listen to this shit. Good. It's not as good as I thought it was like one of those people These people, like, I mean, even that. Exactly. So wild. He's being captured by witchcraft.

1:05:56 And he's like, don't use me for clout. You feel, you, you feel jealous this super millionaire to not sign a prenup so she can let me hear this give me some give me some that you know you know, I didn't internalize, like I didn't make that big of a deal of it. make sure he knows that I'm tough she may have some sort of borderline personality disorder.

1:08:34 Some said they diagnosed her. they now know this isn't like some like some nice person was involved in this than everybody else who's ever been famous when they're really young? when asked about having PTSD symptoms. And what are you doing with your time? Are you just laying around your house all day? Yeah, no wonder you have anxiety. I have anxiety. Who doesn't? Who the fuck doesn't have anxiety? Right. And what are you doing with your time?

1:10:25 around like there's i know people that say they have anxiety and i'm like what'd you do today And then at that time, I'm going to exercise. start moving it'll be easier and when you start sweating it'll be easier and what makes a person. I like to live both Yeah. This was a mistake. and you're dripping continuous drips i i looked the other day and there was a moment where i like

1:13:05 and it's so fucking hot in there the ice melts in the water the water is perfectly cold i'm gonna like I can, off um it's getting repaired and and it was a noticeable difference easier. Oh, yeah, we just heat it's very good it's it's the one of the best things ever and it also like if you can get you're not supposed to talk in a yoga room you know right and sometimes people will be talking

1:15:50 And the instructor comes in and I'm like, Yeah. into a conversation what are you trying to be in your comms and mind getting Like if someone's like, hey, man, did you see fucking Yellowstone last night? continuously about nothing movie theaters people that talk in movie theaters that's another one oh that's a rough one and not just that but they text in movie theaters so their

1:17:39 Oh my, and I kept thinking it throughout the whole time. because he broke it in one of those stunts? Whoa. so much has been said about so little. The subsequent injury to his penis But I've had two children since then, Yeah. comedies comedy movies oh yeah get seeing something in a movie theater it's like Texting in the middle of it and they have the they don't even have night mode on so it they turn the phone on it's

1:21:00 It's an Alamo draft house tradition You almost need like a chin strap type baseball hat deal. So you just watch the whole screen They make these goggles for basketball like knowing the exact reaction the ball's going to have and you watch they learn especially with something that you can't do like fucking We were watching him like a hawk. Couldn't fucking tell.

1:24:25 Behind the curtain No Tom Bergeron? Yes. And I went to an open mic and I was waiting and he you know dropped in to do like 10 minutes about three in the morning, blaring through the room, Too formal here. walking along a beach have you got the incorrect time it's uh midnight thank you I started in you're standing out there it's the opposite of a real club

1:27:41 you know like prior and eddie griffin or eddie uh eddie griffin sure i don't know when but it's one of those things conversation about what's good and what sucks and what's what's interesting and what's Just normal. That's how old I am. crazy to what I remember wild time I remember when VHS tapes came out that's TVs that you couldn't do anything with.

1:31:10 It's like the first copyright protection. fucking baby that thing that's the little tab i do remember it snap that tab off like a gangster And it would skip all the time. Everything would skip all the time. If you hit any bump, use it if you were working out or whatever and it would skip all the time everything would skip all that if you hit any bump you would it

1:32:32 Yeah, I would have to. You'd have to carry a case, and people would break into cars to steal your fucking CD case. Yeah, I remember you would have, like, the case would be clear plastic, Like, I remember getting the Eagles' greatest hits and not knowing much about the Eagles at all today but like they've been on there. He did? but they did the cartoon version of it.

1:34:36 the holder, Oh. He died from smoking cigarettes. Wow. That's pretty much continuous. I don't think it was that old, man. The two-finger point and the smoking too yeah i wonder who pays 2014 that's hilarious that's me i'm in this article wait what it's me He's like, look, look at his fingers. The second cigarette doesn't help, though. You say that until you're 64.

1:37:59 70. Freak musician. How old are all these guys? I don't know how old all of them are. Especially for that age. Yes. It says 70. My knee's fucked. And it's definitely feeling better. I'm just going to leave it alone. Three minutes when you're hitting mitts hard or hitting a bag hard is a long fucking time. He never stops punching. Give me some volume.

1:41:35 Only between us. One good thing about a boxing gym too is you watch people that actually know what they're doing and you realize like how hard someone But one of the things that really stood out and B, his calf muscles would flare out like that. And you realize, oh, well, punches come from the legs. To be able to move in and out and move away from things, move side to side.

1:44:27 I forget what I did Like it was part of the sketch Just actually hit him Here it goes. Yeah. Well, it's that, and it's also, I think... a lot of wild shit and there's always been like shenanigans with certain boxing matches like what Margarito. Yeah. He fucked Miguel Cotto up and, and then, uh, against Miguel Cotto. So he's got this, the wraps and he's got whatever this plaster like material.

1:47:55 he's put plaster all over his knuckles yeah he's just brutalizing people and Sugar Shane fucked him up. i think it was one of those deals which is wild man they do that now i was watching a commercial about that online where this guy was um replacing people's retinas with an artificial retina It's got to suck. Oh. Yes, eye glare and halos are a common issue that patients experience after they receive LASIK surgery.

1:50:40 vision website where they're trying to sell you Lasix. We'll create a flap in the the process of healing and adjusting to your cornea's new shape. Well, for my friend, he didn't start off getting glare. use that term. Instead, halos are a normal sign that your eyes have started recovering. It's no big deal bro, just take Uber, Oh, everything's got a halo around it.

1:53:04 So these folks can't see shit. You have to wear glasses Glasses to remove halos because if they do that well then you go well that's not the big deal Polarized lenses are great. You put them on, you see the shadows of the fish swimming around oh wow yeah they're pretty dope like that would help a you can get that eventually exactly It's like if somebody kicked really hard, but they didn't kick you.

1:55:19 Well, you kick hard first and kick fast, There's not a chance in fucking hell. Because it's right there. To be able to close the distance and land... I don't think fighters That's a tough one one I bet he could do John Daly's all there No hangovers that's what he's, like our pro wrestling talks when you take a stand on something you will say the craziest

1:57:37 plata, which is a crazy move Like you would throw a fastball. his arm trapped in one leg, Wasn't that sort of the same thing? He did it the week before the fight. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I mean, I don't think that he's not awesome at golf. like steve mizerak before he died steve mizerak was an enormous guy and he was like one of the

2:00:30 It's hard to find them. Light beer. is only an hour and 45 minutes. Wow. Why? No doubt. It was fucking great. he was homeless two years ago gets on Kill Tony he was living in his van who puts in the time and effort more than Hans? And he loves it. I needed to see, like, first of all, I need to see you guys. And, uh, and he's moving to Austin. Ron White.

2:03:58 Yeah. New arena at the Hard Rock in Atlantic City. I couldn't wait. I think we have the best crowds. Came out to have fun. But it's not just ego. And you're like, It's like normal. Think about some of your best bits Me, me. I'm just trying to laugh. Might want to throw a little jokes in there. Hans Kim always starts it off crazy, but that was insane.

2:08:12 managers opinions like that's one of the things that we were going over this comedy central half hour is the ultimate, just wasn't it that wasn't a good set but my point is is like a lot of the Right. vein in that vein I would say they're the two guys Brian Regan and Gaffigan cool and that that's about it yeah who else name another one park Nate Nate

2:11:26 that's very funny. You know, Jay Leno is a great example. Yeah. Yeah, it's the weirdest thing. How weird is that? That warehouse is fucking dope. Fluffy Museum to resemble the personal favorite buses. Wow. I like that firebird too. I need to get one of those and grow me a Burt Reynolds mustache. You see a Firebird, you want to be fucking Burt Reynolds.

2:14:26 That's how I feel when I put on my cowboy hat. Give me some volume. so like if you go back to like 1968 the pontiac firebird shared in common a lot of parts with the I'm like, that thing looks too modern. 80 VW Bugs. yeah, it's cool, I guess. He likes them. But maybe it's not easy to sell 80 of them. So that's basically the only one that really drives well and handles well because it handles like modern Camaros.

2:17:29 I rock Trans Am that was a type of Trans Am that was like all the Guido's had I'm so happy you got it. Legit race style, like rectangle wheel, And for someone like me who loves a manual transmission transmission the enjoyment of a manual transmission is so much better than just paddle want to make them the fastest zero to sixty but you also want to make it fun

2:20:11 Yep. Corvette ZR1 could pack It's going to be And then on top of that, it has electric engines that add instantaneous acceleration to the wheels. know why they cover it up with the design look like they camouflage it you can find this c8 corvette versus shelby gt500 now shelby Shelby GT500 has 700-plus horsepower. It's weight. That's like the classic iconic vehicle.

2:23:17 wobbly truck and you have to turn fast you're fucked yeah you know you're in one of those cars Yeah. time and bonus if you're a golfer it literally fits a golf bag perfectly in the back trunk the If you drive like a maniac like I like to drive Hell yeah. Yeah. He brought it to my house, and just the sound of it was like, oh, my God, dude, this sounds glorious.

2:26:07 that I have out there lame too good of a thing too good of a thing. because that's what I like. I don't have a fucking horn on the steering wheel. That stock for changing, like, that way goes left, that way goes right. what my steering wheel i'll show you outside if you want to drive it though. You'll throw your car in the garbage Going zero to 60 silently isn't... It's like if a tree falls in the forest.

2:28:51 the old one oh the new one's even faster are you serious a lot faster i remember that one Six tenths of a second faster 0-60. because it knows what's going on. Either way, I love it. It's crazy. It's like fast as an M5. It's a truck? I was saying Wing. And here's the thing. Yeah. I mean it does calculations like some insane speed of calculations that

2:33:02 So really easy right thumb on the wheel thing to remember. The scrape. I would say within 20 years from now, you're not going to see anybody driving their car on the road unless they're nuts. a lot of people were saying that Elon Musk should shut off all the Teslas that are in Ukraine. You know, they can do that if you're in a chase in some vehicles.

2:35:41 once authorities have confirmed conditions are appropriate an How do thieves? Oh, sorry, sorry. I just grabbed that thing with a pair of pliers They'll just open your car for you. You make a phone call I never thought about that on start thing. of the dash. For sure. Like, I think when you get some cash, as you become a wealthy comedian, you're going to start collecting some cars.

2:38:04 I have a C2. Is it? The guy who built it did a fucking fantastic job. Listen to the sound of that. One of the coolest humans on planet Earth. Number one tequila. The way he talked to me about it. to having the option to go see multiple different types of shows uh a night is unbelievable yeah But we have enough guys that are around on a regular basis that are really killing it

2:41:12 isn't like Northern Phoenix or something Huge. And Atlantic City. So much fun.