Joe Rogan Experience #1847 — Theo Von Transcript

Transcript

0:00 The Joe Rogan Experience Well, I used to work at this business company. I feel like he tried to teach you one time. Last time I did smelling salts, first time was with you, right? even hit your lungs i feel like it goes through just into everything else almost it like it does How'd you do that? do you want to wear headphones or no oh yeah you want to put them on I didn't see you had yours on

2:52 bejeweled so it had yeah you know it looked like somebody had uh it looked like something you'd Women carry makeup and stuff. three storages uh but what else oh yeah so i think yeah that's interesting i guess yeah You just want to kind of like get it going. Yeah? end kind of what i'm talking about a floating chair the one you put in the pool no it has like

5:35 This is hilarious. I dated this girl when I was in high school She was friends, no, she was friends with my sister, And I just drove off damn and was having sex with this girl and like the rest of us were just and so then he starts listening to the sex through the window. pane glass, dude. It was cheap windows. can't get rid of them and the lady has a job the lady has a job she goes to work every day and won't

9:17 You did? And if you fuck with them, they want to either get out of there or they just want to pay you and get it over with. I mean, who knows what kind of financial situation she's in, but she does have a job and she Yeah, it's hard. is that once you start getting that money, Yeah, I remember we talked about that one time. If everybody just had their rent and their food taken care of.

11:31 I could sleep on a fucking floor of a bus station. something and i thought it was gonna be his dick you know because you know it's a freaking And I'm like, I'm not in this shit. I would want to do a good crime. Bad to the bone. And he scrambles back and the guy with the gun says, get out! posts. Yeah. That's the craziest ones, and he used to work for the Mexican government.

15:08 That's what the article I found it in says. This guy shows up at the mall, pulls out a gun, kills two people. That's far. And they've said, hey, this is one of those examples where a good guy with a gun kills a bad guy. And, you know, some people say no. So now. to hit what you're aiming at went I took the biggest deepest with and it was immediately I was punished felt

17:53 Okay. it out, and it's like a sight, or some top-end Glock high-end gun. So this guy starts shooting, and I think it was within two minutes or something like that. going to shoot you next i mean he's probably just going to shoot every body he can get a hold of Wow. Yeah. Like a lot more. That's unbelievable, earth. There's more guns in this country than there are people. Wow. Yeah.

19:57 Dang. That's all you have? Would you like a shotgun? shoot you yeah you know if you're in that position where you're forced to use what they would call Those guns, like those knives in The Walking Dead, they go right in your head. Yeah. It's more probably, it probably just seems more exciting. zombie and then you gotta pull the arrow out and it's fucking stupid yeah i'm trying to think of a

22:29 Yeah, they have a new spinoff, actually. Yeah, it's almost weird if people are still watching it. Dude, and none of the zombies, I wish they could cut away every now and then Okay. But what about at nighttime Yeah. Reload. You ever seen that movie? Oh, fuck yeah. That was really good. Yeah. He played old Dracula, remember? Yeah, do you remember? He cut himself.

26:05 movies like twilight they fall in love with vampires like what psychologically what's going He walked in. Oh. What devil or witch was ever so great as Attila, whose blood flows in these veins? And you watch the scene and you're like, that scene kind of sucks. 92. They want to be immortalized in like a young space. Yeah. So this is like young Dracula.

29:09 I didn't meet him, I saw him. Look at the mirror right there. Wow. Why does he want to turn her? Oh, the wolf left him. Satan was the biggest enemy back then. Look at that. God is holding up a fucking gin and tonic towards him. Oh we threw those threw the water at him holy water I would have to get her, just cut her out of my life. Right? And a lot of infants,

33:24 Do you think we're supposed to be living as long as we are? If you meet a guy and he's 30 years old today, that guy's probably going to live to be 150. That is true, believe it or not. They live fast, die hard. Yeah. it's like a g-force with the g-force you want to be more compact to be able to fight off the g-force Yeah, it's wild. Some people are built to be jockeys.

36:54 Which makes sense. Do you miss it? Do you miss the Comedy Store? Yeah, sure. Yeah. Yeah, I miss the camaraderie Yeah, I was talking to Adam Iggy yesterday. Yeah, I'm excited. I think we're gonna do a show Wednesday I'll take you to the club Yeah. The Vulcan's amazing, man. Is this trainer with the purse? I got an assistant lady that helps me out. I don't like that.

38:52 Waiting on your hand and foot. I got a trainer. What's the difference? You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? I was just, you know, I liked it. It's tough when you get like a little lighter to our family again. place called lipscomb academy in the morning okay and so there's just like a lot of fun energy in there. And, uh, yeah, man, it just started to, it started to change. And then I even

41:42 Were you worried about? but that I was going to, everything was going to feel, That's what happened. you know yeah so that definitely happened for me um and then I got caught in this weird circle of like kind of self-pity in a way. We just things like Just living life. Why did Nashville call you? You know, I don't know. yeah things have just got what made you decide to go to tennessee like what what why did nashville

44:46 a fucking Samoan raccoon who had like on a, in our neighborhood. Yeah, I mean, however you want to look at it, man. What would you ask me about? And if we'd have been and lived in a fancy neighborhood, Right. nice so you're really so that's really been ideal. That's the toughest part. I'm going to romance you. But off here, I'll tell you. You know right like Comedy Store reps and I really learn on reps that's where i learn i learn on reps yeah the when when i was really enjoying la is like when i would do a show at the

48:34 You're a killer, bro. I used to feel like Chris Kyle up there, dog. It's, like, funny when some – you know, you see someone and they're funny, you'd be in the store on tuesdays and wednesdays and getting those reps in and you were just loose He's fucking great. But he did a really unique thing that no one's ever done before. Oh, that's good. Yeah, there's just like, he's, yeah, there's a unique creativity that comes out of him.

51:03 did not want him pursuing that. I could see that. Did she doubt his circus skills? I don't know, man. It fucking broke my heart. Did she doubt his circus skills? Rottweiler. It's a great show. Well, he was a hitman. Yeah. We know what happened. My grandmother used to make Italian food. She would make the tomato sauce with the tomatoes God. with this big smile on her face.

53:57 Really? Was she comforting you? Isn't that weird that, like, Sit down. I'm not going to be able to fucking finish. And then leftovers were Yeah, remember that book? People got to fucking eat, dude. New York Times about cannibalism coming back and everybody's like what the fuck There you go. about people who survived and realize that they're in even the Comanches like

57:33 suggest that time is now. thing of bird talons right out of a bag right bird talons bird um claws chicken feet yeah chicken They're not bad. Yeah. They had, like, a place, like a market where they had all the different animals. Because it was a living bird. what i was doing was insane well if you're starving that's free food yeah and birds birds They're so fucking horrible.

1:00:35 claws dug into its back so you see all the blood pouring off the back and it's One of those where the food moves by as you're eating it? Because it's just chewing this fucking thing apart. I sent you the video. There's not enough difference in size where it makes sense. It's so that's the crow saying fuck That crow's like, fuck this. The thing that's crazy is that it doesn't seem like a thing that he would eat.

1:04:08 Yeah, they do it more in groups and they seem like kind of like, yeah. oh, it's okay to eat somebody else. Bears do that a lot a lot of animals do that they force the and stuff like that. It makes sense. Yeah, it gets rid of things that are problems in your body. That's why they say it's a benefit yeah there's something about that primal side of stuff you know getting real primal and getting

1:07:06 You know something you want to tell somebody if they're on an afternoon shift. I just want to let you know. I think some people want stuff to start getting weird. Do you want the chocolate kind and two chocolates. I cut mine in half with water. Yeah, I like to cut it down. fuck yeah Juju Mufu I'm trying new stuff these days. Dude, I went and did ayahuasca, man.

1:09:15 I've only done DMT, but I got a guy out here now. we had a thing at the comedy we were all, like, helping each other Like, we don't, there's no struggle here. and that back porch area, Probably a bad idea since he's gone. Well, he loved to be himself. And you're like, fuck it. Dude, I remember getting a test even just from even masturbating. I remember talking to Jerry O'Connell one time, you know, that is yeah the actor. Yeah from

1:12:15 his story about Anthony Fauci that book which talks about why those people were Really? You can't fault people for trying different things out and trying different strategies out to contain the virus. game they would play. know where they were and know where they were going we just lost it which makes sense to me but back in the day when there was no navigation,

1:14:42 Whereas it used to be if my brain had a task and it was having to pay attention where i was going then it would i felt like it was better I feel like they just went inside of us. So you start thinking about what may or may not happen in the future and you get Yeah, because whatever your natural instincts, they don't have any. I'm sure. We used to fucking go, you know, I remember used to fucking go you know i remember driving to the

1:17:46 Ooh, the Bay State Games. Really? Right. Yeah, the far right. Larry Jones to the right. I've talked about it many times. Look how tall his legs are. He's the guy that was in med school while he was competing. That motherfucker was always tired and won the national championship. He would be practicing, doing his studies, and then he would put all of his books in

1:20:17 So that is me waiting to compete, I think, probably. This one's Subway was big too, I bet, huh? Your spokesman was out there fucking kids. He does a summer camp for his friends and family. Yeah, he has a dinner table at his house now. make that house it's a 27 000 square foot house with two bedrooms yeah that's crazy man it's It's nice. You'd get sick.

1:22:28 Yeah, people were, man. And caught some different types of fish. But that was really fun Like she was like She was a lady cooking on television. What about I Love Lucy? Oh, no, I didn't know her. I mean, a chef. But it was like the first woman that I heard on TV. What about I Love Lucy? Yeah. that was Ed Asner was her boss. It was two different shows.

1:24:37 Yeah. Like, what do I do? Right. Like if Archie Bunker were on In the Heat of the Night. Yeah, so that was so good Those sketches are wild. a lot is he really yeah yeah he's working out like crazy wow for what just for to get healthy again We do podcasts together. Oh, Shane was still talking and coherent. He fell asleep on the floor of the podcast studio

1:27:44 Oh, no He's upset. Oh, he came prepared, huh? I mean, how does he do that and not piss? One of Dom Irera's buddies held his piss too much and wound up having to get a catheter. I just get up. Then you won't sleep good. If I do, my wife elbows me. something you could do it upside down i think because then you would be able to like kind of dude, half the dudes are going to check out.

1:30:39 Zuckerberg. that motherfucker looks like he hasn't seen the sunlight in years. It's the whiteness you see when you see an alien. And that's closer really to aliens, man. They're doing business, man. Is that maybe that's like the next level of evolution. While he's in the Mediterranean? And then he just tweeted. Oh, that's fiction. He tweeted So soon I feel like there's going to be a story for everything that's going to be out there and people are just going to be, it's like there's no, is there even any real, you know,

1:34:01 But the thing is, like, the concern is that what those stories do like i story just so that they could profit. Right. You could do that today. Oh, if I'm not saying they did, but someone would write a defamatory story just so that they could And Elon Musk asked him, He's like, fuck off. is not adequate. I forget exactly what they did. It was something like they took a random 100

1:36:37 is, are they bots or are they on you mail him a wrench yeah exactly uh what about um but do you think um i wish he what if he bought and then what would someone do? He saved the world though. Where everybody's special? Well, the problem is people are using it as an anti-LBGTQ term. They're talking about groomers as is someone trying to groom young kids and either make them gay or trans.

1:39:32 going to be trans and they freak out and they're like we got to stop these groomers they're grooming I'm going to read you this because this is so crazy. identifiers for advertising purpose, they have access to that. use to log into the platform, meaning they can use other computers that you're not even A hundred percent. shit. And I know a lot of other people are hook, line,

1:42:18 having all of your data and if they develop if they get all the data then currency then what Yeah, according to China and the AP. You think they're just so brainwashed they've never had freedom like we have so no But what they do now is they allow people to get extraordinarily wealthy. So some people, they develop industries, Like when they were trying to,

1:44:34 You're talking about flip phones? like, they had like Well, they were using them as spy devices. What's the end goal to having it all? Because this is really crazy. stealing credit card numbers, Like Nike. innovation, our trade secrets, our intellectual property on a scale that's unprecedented in history. Every 12 hours. So, like, say one day you could go to a website, right, to buy something, okay?

1:48:07 But even worse. How about this? Maybe you develop something. You develop some new innovative technology, but you develop it using an internet that's apple stores in china that have nothing to do with apple everything's counterfeit oh dude one time i It was so ridiculous, bro. Because they have the kind of money they have in China and because they have, like, free

1:50:04 Boy, say that They recreated all this shit. They're just, like, completely abandoned. That was another thing that I went down to rabbit hole yesterday with oh the one that went around America simultaneously. They're going on right now all over the world. There's one that's permanently Like, that could be some guy Yeah, and they even cut their dick down the middle

1:53:00 Chinese unclaimed bodies which include prisoners like a raw dress for less prisoners Am I struggling that bad today? It was so bad, it's so bad when it's no, I'm not joking, bro I feel like a sword just came on me. Oh my god, I Yeah? So when you had him on, would you associate golf with cigars? Roll Tide. What? Maybe that's the key. You got some fucking...

1:57:08 He just got that voice surgery. But I hope it gets better. What took him down that road. How did he get that, though? Yeah. I shouldn't say weird isn't the word. Wow. Yeah? I'm a big believer in nootropics. Yeah. But it's been scientifically proven that that stuff benefits cognitive function and memory. I'm jacked on this stuff. You've downed two of those.

2:00:50 It looks great. with that stick right there. Look how much is going. Yeah, I used to smoke them, man, but, and i didn't like it yeah i didn't like it Them bitches are hardcore. Kiwi puberty. But that's only, I think, for jewels. It's going to be bad. you feel like you're being gaslit right you know what gaslighting is not exactly And I'm gaslighting you.

2:03:44 maybe think you, make you think that it's your problem, And you're seeing that from news organizations. Did you ever see the press secretary go on Don Lemon and he was like, is Joe Biden too old to run for president? It is sad. Right, because your dad was real old, right? Sharp as a tack. Do you? So they went back and decreased their biological age by 20 years

2:06:39 And they were interviewing him. How much weight did he lose? And I was like, oh, man, what a letdown. And it comes out this giant hot pink dildo comes tumbling out of this Rottweiler's mouth. Dogs, yeah, I think, what kind of animal? We are 12 seconds away from watching this Rottweiler throw up a giant dildo. Did good. Look at the size of that thing.

2:09:01 That's that frickin'... uh like a pocket pussy or a fucking fleshlight or something like that. But if you're somebody that is alive or whatever and you- yeah what are you doing with my girls? Fentanyl's scary. Fentanyl? friends from overdosing jesus because i was worried about whenever they started that i was I'd taken, I'd kind of fallen off my, like that path for a while.

2:11:53 when I was younger, Like how so? So that memory and feeling with it came up like, you know, just like a new, just like a bubble coming up out of soup, you know? freaked out really was it scary one of my buddies went nuts he took his shirt off was running around We'd never even met a Korean, so I don't even know how he knew about it at the time. Some of that stuff's real interesting.

2:14:22 that you can do every day. No, they don't have to. It makes you feel pretty normal. I think my thing is more like an emotion, like feeling kind of issue, you know? You're ready to do it again. Like, I would use my feelings almost like alcohol. Because I didn't have any of this until I kind of, you know, I knew a lot of this was probably in me from growing up,

2:17:14 So you were thinking, I should probably get in shape. And then I started, like, getting in this, I got this blue cube ice bath thing. Because that one goes down to 37 degrees. Yeah, we'll be there in a while. I've seen your videos. You're lying. It's big. This is a different kind of numbing cold. So here's me. See that shit? You know what I'm talking about?

2:19:48 Epinephrine norepinephrine that you get from heavy cold exposure is really good for your mental state as well It's such a struggle because it's a real life or death struggle. What I do is if I do hot cold hot cold. I always finish on cold because I let my body reheat itself naturally. Yeah me he's like you can't wait for everything to be okay to live your life that's what he and it was

2:21:55 This guy's a banana. discipline because motivation's not there every day. I'm missing motivation most days. But it's that beginning part that's hard Oh, yeah. Telling you to eat that piece of cake. Yeah. So that kind of stuff's been helping me naps. Yeah, tell me eat that piece of cake A lot of it pops out of me on stage though. Yeah, isn't that interesting when things do that?

2:23:54 And that's what I miss. yeah that's nice different I guess you know Did they always do that? sort of the Wild West again? that come in and clean it up. I can put most of the homeless situation, get those people to shelters, It's not good for anyone. down the street with a fucking you know with a sword yeah and he had it like that you know like We'll help.

2:27:01 You're thinking of ninjas, not samurais. Yeah, he'd be perfect. It was middle of the night. I mean, dude, yeah, bro. I believe that we're them, that they're us just from way in the future. Well, yeah, you look at Facebook, you know, at Mark, and you look at Elon, Image that we have in our consciousness where life is just in the way. can do you know motivate people when everybody can see through walls and read They're doomed. Yeah. Those people, it's a dying market. Is it? Yeah. What are you going to do?

2:30:16 People are going to be like, hey, man. And Pegasus was the system that they developed. Well, they got that through this Pegasus system. everything I think they get all your recordings, all your audio. But I haven't seen that much. Yeah, some athleticism. You like that? Nurses. Typhoid Mary? Yeah, Misery. disproportionate number of people that were dying under her care.

2:33:42 Niles Hogle Go back up to her. least 400. Her crimes turned to baby farming to make arrested for her crimes until 1896. the past, you gotta think there was some frickin' crazy folks out there. This is the best time I try and romanticize the past you got to think there was some frickin crazy folks out there this is the best time to be Allegedly killed at least 90 of her patients on purpose because they were bothersome.

2:36:30 that she killed them because they annoyed her oh my god but do you think that's just a sign of the I wonder how you get, I mean, if we can test people for that. Because it's the closest thing to that knight in shining armor. there at night there's romance the stars are in the sky right bats and they want to be you Sex from them? Right. Yeah. Yeah. Huh? Are you ready for it?

2:40:13 Yeah, no, this one, when you say, I'm gonna believe this fucking doubt your Not buying it at all. Try it on me. Like I just, something happened to me, all right? Why are you wet? You're a problem. Fuck yeah. Like you think of yourself as you're already rock hard, purple helmet, ready to go. Shake it up. Here we go. Fuck yeah. You're gonna hurt yourself.

2:43:27 Get in there, dog. There he goes. It felt like a sniff chlorine Right in front of you Oh, my God. Right. Uh-huh, and he detailed how the ancient Greeks during the Enlightenment. They were all It produces LSD-like effects. 100%. I mean, think about what it did for you, how it opens up your feelings and thoughts and opens up your creativity. there's the the opening of creativity it's also like the recognizing that like having like

2:46:34 You get to resentment you know it's all interesting you know different modalities people use to try and make themselves know and it's funny because i used to think man i'll never be able to create stuff that's going Whereas, like, musicians, they always, shit yeah you can yeah you can yeah you could go and do a arena and you go this is a song i really

2:48:58 Yeah. Damn. And you would do my act. And that was like a night where guys would go up and do each other'll see. Yeah. I'll be doing your act and you would do my act. Yeah. but within a week. He always has that Paperboy hat on. Yeah, it's funny seeing people laugh man. Yeah, it's such a strange thing that someone that we move and make a sound And I was like, I ain't even hit you with the best lines yet.

2:50:54 That's like an ayahuasca. and you didn't even see it coming, And just fucking right in the front row, dude. Do you remember? Yeah. Yeah, he wanted to get that freedom. Like I think there's a lot of guys that say a lot of anti gay Like if you were on an app, if you wanted to like get some gay sex, like gay guys can find each other now. Really? Touchy feely.

2:54:30 Oh, you've been queering around, boys. that shit was some of the we'd sleep from but i can't i gotta go gotta go gotta go and a moment doesn't have as much value a moment used to be something that a moment used to feel like it couldn't be captured. oh, fuck, bro, what if we could have captured? But now we're either making, we're either recording something or we're watching something.

2:57:03 Like the show business machine Hmm of Hollywood kind of space still annoying? Yeah, he's still in LA. He hasn't really moved back. Yeah, he's a smart dude, man. Yeah, he's great. Who,. I'm always sending him some fucked up shit. Yeah, he's great. Josh Wolfe lives in Las Vegas. things good and get things cruising oh so you get to get to LA, get your reps in, and then go the road.

2:59:17 Not much. Yeah, man, sounds good. Not necessarily. Yeah Always good to see you I'll probably be getting I've been taking off here and there I've been taking a little more break in my own episodes All right, let's wrap it up.