Joe Rogan Experience #1874 — Dave Attell Transcript

Transcript

0:00 the Joe Rogan experience really think I'm interesting enough to hold the whole show. That's all he brings. Fresh underwear I mean, you and I back in the day played the old Cap City. That fucking place in Philly is the shit. And I'm, like, so happy that Cap City's open, too. Texas, I was going to say, Texas has always been on the road, like Houston, Dallas.

1:59 It still is. If that's the case, once we open up in Austin, I would love to open up a mothership in Houston. Crazy-ass Mark Babbitt ran a hell of a club. it you know yeah and then it's not just like a beer and beverage you know this isn't a dave and it was an exciting thing. And when club guy that's what i do i do clubs so i can't wait to see it i can't wait to get on that stage

4:29 Yeah, have things like that where you have plenty of time. And, you know, it's getting the locals, you know, on stage in front of a big crowd, you know. There's so many comics here, man. Like, you remember the early days of open mic? I would sometimes go like, I know what these, The journey does, but at least this way I think there's a map of the landscape now.

6:32 And you're like, yes. It's better there now. What year did you start? Honestly, it was weird to be a doorman to no audience. where every place was doing comedy shows, So it was like, we didn't care. Yes, yes I did. Yes, I do. Bobby was like this tank of a man. in there. Yeah. And I was like, you know, where am I me. No one's playing a fucking piano.

9:39 It's probably an expensive piano. The Ice House I only played a couple times. Oh my god. Well, my kids are young, so they go to bed right on the time I'm leaving. So, I was leaving, like, they were well asleep. You know, when everything was shut down, you know? of course I did it. I've been doing this a long time. It was around eight months of no comedy at all in L.A.

12:00 I think I'm gonna take my boat and my fucking play golf and fuck it. He goes whatever the fuck we have to do we're gonna keep doing this He's great. He doesn't have to do any of that stuff. very kind of you yeah no i would say that i'm in that moment now where it's like my crowd is so and that I'm trying to bring them new material every time. they always say the same thing.

14:18 Some of us fell apart in this wonderful world of what's okay to talk about, They're, like, terrified. in the day when you knew immediately is different. What they want to do is just immediately react to a subject and bark. And I'm always like, you know, it's the joke. That's a weird call, isn't it? I'm like, who is this? I definitely don't. Because I have to abandon them.

17:25 I don't think so. Those are good. Those are healthy. Are they? I don't think so. If you don't do that, Yeah. because there's so many different ways to stream and platform that now it's like oh you know is this a joke you know And I always, you know, since I have very few marketable skills, you know, it's cool to have one where you have some control over your, you know, destiny, situation, and all that kind of stuff.

18:59 Doing this every day for hours on end, that's tough. I get to talk to some of the coolest fucks and we were talking about this outside in the hall,, there's a lot of dead friends of ours, you know, out there and stuff like that. and we all knew him in the comedy world like what he was about or at least I did yeah you know I was Yeah. For sure. with my friends have been public everything has every we're all different places different times all that kind of

21:35 You know, like, he was like, you know, the job was the job. I wonder what these surviving cast members of Magnum P.I. are up to. I bet it's still Gilbert. Was Gilbert really number one? I think he was it I bet you it's still Gilbert Those guys that went viral online The Catch Me Outside girl Like, look at this. What do we got? You got a whole day's worth of great-

23:33 Yeah, really. Damn, that's a good deal. some money online or something like that. Imagine that. Did she really, if, let's just the way they roll you know how they kill you know how they kill, you know how they kill, they roll. or South Africa. It's hard to tell. This is it? I'm waiting for the video to load. It's rough. I'm going to try to find it. Okay, this is the kind of stuff. This is it?

25:34 That looks. I guarantee you I have it in here. That's another one Yeah that's it That is rough. Bro. I just want you to look at that, how much is that crocodile's cameo? Is it? Bro. You know what I'm saying? You're out of your fucking mind. this year in florida well that's one of my favorite shows where the guys get to go out and But I think this year there was a few.

28:05 What about drunk driving? How many have just fucking disappeared? I don't know. So it's kind of old school New York, like more like in the 70s, 80s than it is. oh this is like the end of days like right here i was like holy shit is this like a circle of rats. I was like, oh, this is like the end of days, like right here. I was like, holy shit. What am I going to do?

30:17 It's like- No. There was the documentary. Yes. even that doesn't kill you there's all sorts of other shit that can be carried in those things though Someone ate Burbit liver It's like some weird mammal Yeah, marmot meat. That's a different story. There was a rat in the middle, and all the dogs were trying to be dogs. I love that one. Yeah, that's the one I'm talking about.

33:24 He's still holding. They're getting multiple shots. You have to get rabies shots. He was the best. I used to have to carry him to take him to the bathroom. Like, you're my little buddy, and you're 13. really big you know so he was a very strong dog and so like chicken wire that kept coyotes out He just thought it was a dog, right? And then they sit on an egg.

35:56 So I took them and I isolate them, and you put just pulls it apart and then i'm with my kids and my wife, and we're playing some board game. It just went like this. I'm just going to go in the big chicken coop. in the back of his brain You know the big dogs. 200 pounds too they're easily easily what is that that i don't know what it is it it's not Try Russian werewolf dog.

39:03 Not that. No. Did you see what fucking Biden said? It's a giant Russian wolf-like dog. It's like a big head dog. Look at that. And that's a little. I'm getting. Look at them in the snow. 2.2 feet. There's one wild looking That's it. He's definitely. I think that's a Something like that. It's not a Caucasian Yes, I am a scholar. Oh, look how you say that.

42:52 Caucus Mountains, giant fighting dog? You got it. Either way, it's huge. like, what is that, a lockdown show opened. Wow. Yeah but Good luck if you got a regular backyard It would be right on your bed. It's all right, though. golden retriever and during the the where the stairs were and he was good even the little ones like to take a dip yeah like that

45:36 You don't even have to teach them, huh? how often are you on the road how many days a week i'd say i kind of stepped it up you know yeah but towards the end of the week it does become this whole like because i know people Yeah. Like, my body can't take any more laughter. It's seamless, you know. a half he had a whole chunk on buying a Corvette about him is that his energy consistent all the way through like a lot of guys like i'm that kind

49:34 a track that's on your phone? Well, that's a perfect score, because there's no better place to listen to comedy than when you're driving alone. Yeah. is fun because it's like someone who's an actual enthusiast who wants to sit down with a physical When I would go to Tower Records, you know, and like they would have like the comedy section. It was like someone just set up a microphone and started recording.

52:10 Cassette. They're like, why is my fucking shit for sale here? And I was always like, Larry, you know, no one else has tapped this market. you do it but I met him when he was Dan Whitney Dan yes you know when he was he Just a normal guy. He's one of my favorite people alive. He's not pretending to be free. down the street from Dublin's. Sort of how Dublin's was. Remember when Dublin's

55:26 that other club that was down the street from dublin's didn't last as long and then they they That's where Gary Shandling would go. He let me go up. He had a went up too. He didn't really care. He let me go up. Like when you live near such a, like, you know, you got a beautiful sunset. The La Jolla Comedy Store? I did it with Shane Gillis, too. i mean like you know he knows what he wants to do and he does it it's just great writing too he has this new

57:51 It's like I like it because I don't want to screw up the show for anybody who has to follow me in case I do something nuts or crazy. like puts them back so there's that there's that and then it's also i think later um i i feel like i'm more into And then how many will you do? there and try it so it's amazing you're uh this humility that you have about that, about stage time.

59:38 I will say one thing. You're out there hiking the hills with weights on your back. guess you got that in la too where it's like you got euros you got locals you got people who you with your club, man. I mean, honestly, I bet you it's and to have a community that's already here because we've been doing so many shows already here. It's going to make the news, buddy.

1:01:51 Yeah, it's complicated. We took his notes, and we added all those things that he suggested. Not every comedy club has that. Mm-hmm. So congrats. yeah doing something like this Yeah. It should be like, do people like your stuff? you're good for all of us he's a good person he's He's a genuinely good person. Like, Burt likes to party. He does. Ballfields and like a small venue outdoor kind of thing

1:05:25 want to step on him you know and he he's like do whatever you want to do his crowd was super cool I did zero. you know that scene where it's like that was the early days And I was like, oh, no. Were people honking for laughs? We're out there doing it. But it's so funny when you're on that stage and, like, you know, there's all these headlights Test everybody.

1:07:55 and go, tip of the hat to dave They were so happy just to be out. it's hard. Yeah. Alonzo's a jazz fanatic. They have a mega cruise. waters and talk shit but it would be like you know my always fear was like people like well Throw you off the boat. I don't know. What a scary way to die. Yeah, the ocean is so strange, man, because it's just, most of it's nothing. Most of it's not even sharks. Most of it's empty. Yeah. Yeah, the ocean is so strange, man, because it's just most of it's nothing.

1:10:59 The sea turtle, like they have like a really horrible life, you know? So they're making their way to the ocean. Or crab attacks baby turtle. Birds fucked them up And drag them away Motherfuckers. Giant bugs? And I was like, man, can you imagine just, like, walking around True. But you know what I'm saying? talking about yeah because he's got the vertebrae and you know so i guess you get smarter when you

1:14:13 The Vatican was the wildest one for me. It's bananas how much art there is. It's a giant Egyptian obelisk. I mean, it's a tourist trap, right? They got their own money, whatever they got. You can't But it's a great place to live. Do they have all, like the popes like you know basically i'm sure all the popes i And so that gland is always thought to have these magical properties.

1:16:33 the oldest version of the Bible. that the entire Christian religion was really about the consumption of psychedelic mushrooms and fertility rituals. True. Really? No, because they were all over the world. There's not like an extended history of use. Like they would make it into a tea. go to jail in some places for the rest of your life you got caught selling marijuana sure so it

1:19:46 in all their wine oh really so when they were drinking wine they were talking about wine their They would drink beer and wine. Oh, yeah. But there is a natural equivalent version of it. town in france where they had a similar, and people started having visions of hell, So lysergic acid is a precursor for the synthesis of LSD. Yeah. In the 1950s, people who suffered from the illness most likely ate bread made with contaminated rye flour.

1:23:15 out of their windows to stop the imagination. Yeah. or find that there was at least evidence of the environment where ergot could grow well what a cool name hellfire Wow. And with Murrow Rescue's work, the book's called The Immortality Key. Wild shit, right? Yeah, I think the drug was being developed to induce labor in pregnant women. that he had figured something out

1:26:28 I don't think it's legal here. Operation Midnight Climax. And then they were trying to use it to program people's minds. And they did a bunch of experiments with that. Oh, well, that makes some sense, right? in a perfect world we would have centers where you could go and you could do psychedelics under Really? You can get that in Mexico, for sure. Ibogaine may work in reversing the effects of opiates on gene expression with resulting

1:30:18 age 18 to 49 is a fentanyl overdose. Yeah. That's, that's some scary stuff. Fucking terrifying, man. like we've all done the cold shower, but it seems like it would work because I've taken like multiple cold showers and I'm like, with your body, it sends – I don't even know what it does, but it seems like it would work. Nice. And there's some other companies I'm sure that make them.

1:31:34 It does. thing in the morning i know guys who are doing that instead of a cold shower in fact i think one Yeah, if you can get through three minutes of suck benefits to like reducing inflammation and chemicals. I'm talking about a guy who sits in a bath of coal. this is the answer to everything. He's the fucking man. He just climbs in water. That's something I should do.

1:34:01 something most people can only tolerate for a few seconds. Look, he's getting a CAT scan. He didn't get any kind of frostbite or anything? He doesn't want to do it again because it's too easy. This is like a North Face. He befriended the cold. No, I never did a marathon. I used to run with my dog in the hills but um i was never like a runner yeah that

1:36:14 I mean, it doesn't have to be a run, I wear these same clothes at the gym. No, they're cool with me And these kids, they're all like tatted up. the road, I think I've always gotten the most out of it's like, that's not for me, you know? I'm like, that's not really going to do that for you. It's good? When do you eat? I like that weird crazy meal at the end of the day like I could never eat before I go on stage

1:39:35 usually with me fries and baked potatoes sour cream i didn't know you ate that kind of stuff That's all it is. No. It's delicious. And like drinking a bottle. And it's like, to you, buddy. And then I felt like I was like dizzy. Yeah, I love coffee. Your brain. I'm like, oh, my God. Something like that, but it was filled with sugar and filled with caffeine.

1:42:51 you know uh when i was a little kid my mom used to give us a cup of tea before we went to bed Well, they give you sugar first. Right. I forget what it was. or some kind of stuff they don't eat that kind of stuff right they eat everything oh they do yeah They have good appetites. i always love when they have that extensive menu like don't you want to hear a don't you

1:45:12 That's crazy. No, It was a little club. It's like people come here, they're going to drink, Perfect. Nothing wrong with that. the food on the tables Have a few drinks or not, you know, whatever. strange i mean i did that 9 11 benefit there and there was like so many great comics on it no food or anything of things going on well If I'm ever in the neighborhood,

1:47:37 but I think I could sell out the Dwayne Reed next to it. It's definitely not Ocean's Eleven. This stuff is like, honestly, it's like I never thought this was going to be on the other side of this. Like, somehow this is like some kind of you know hey this is like full tilt like but those barn burner brawls where people like everybody's How often do you see a brawl at a fucking Waffle House if you work there? Honestly, it's like they should be getting combat pay. How often do you see a brawl

1:49:32 It's like, What is this one? It's like the same normal thing, This guy. This guy is ready to go, man. But he did show a little bit of restraint letting those dudes punch him. or are you just going to keep recording them? It's the craziest group activity in a store that I've ever seen. Oh my God, this is so crazy. I was going to walk up, he just grabbed something and

1:51:47 when they're at a protector. They don't. they just leave. So five people lost their jobs. Kids. Yeah, these kids. But I think that this is just a sense of entitlement of people that do whatever they want to do, whenever they want to do it. your table you know that kind of thing i always tell the tourists that come to this so i go It's wild to be contained.

1:54:28 Yeah. He's like trying to deescalate. That's such a huge mistake. That's just the way it is. And they have a serious housing problem there. it's very sad and all that stuff but i talked to So it's like, talk about like, I don't know. It's like, wow. You're not going to do anything about that? It's like in New York, they have the outdoor dining. make it your own but it's just, filthy and I don't know.

1:57:17 I have trouble being on the road more than, like, three or four days because I feel like I can't go overseas. Vegas has, they got their electrical system down. the other- So the Lake Mead was drying up. No. Yeah, they found boats. Can you imagine? There's a scene there now, Brad Garrett's got a great fucking room. What do you think? Fog, weird, scary sounds, a lot of scary, you know, weird stuff like that.

2:00:08 Shows there are fun. and you're like, what happened? You know what I'm saying? I don't need to be a part of that. You can't just, like, decide that's where you live. Who wants to move there? No, you can't sell that house now. house in Venice and it's worth $5 million and right outside your house is like 50 tents. Yeah. Seattle, yeah. The problem is they were deciding that it was okay to take over people's property by force.

2:02:52 this place on our own but if you notice what happened they immediately started behaving like But the one thing that they, on the news, they would especially try and take some of I don't know. or something like that. kept pace with just the world but i guess chains watches all that kind of stuff will always be It's awesome. talk about dropout service.

2:05:02 Some old guys still hang on, And I can only imagine, like, you get all that feedback from the show, you know, it's like you can fall into that rabbit hole. Going on stage taping it and then listening to it and they are always like that's it and I'm like it's pretty much help me correct a lot of uh my uh i guess joke writing but like uh in terms of bad habits and stuff like that,

2:06:41 Is that a nervous tick? I don't write every day, but I write a lot. It's like I'm just blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, And it's also like once you do get that gem, nothing else feels like that. It's so important. premise like you know what is this about and how does this fit together? That to me is the real work of it. you're working on this right now and that you're going to focus on it. So for me, it was good.

2:09:27 I remember watching Denzel Washington, I don't remember it that well. is like like I said earlier with chunks of material like where else can this go but I would say that I did that road work maybe beginning of next year, It was great. the special again you know that kind of thing and then bring it at home like that's difficult really kind of lock it in before you even see it, you know.

2:12:27 I go, I'd like to, but I don't want to have to. Yeah. Yeah. Really, it does, and I'm not stroking you or anything like that. It's great, man. and Joe's crowd, they want to hear real deal. And people don't realize how hard it is to close a show, my favorite thing to watch too so i get to see great comics you know working with the really Right. and the climate change and fucking covid have you done europe have you played have you uh you know

2:15:57 Well, either way, I was like, you know, they love Bill Hicks, and he was definitely like the, you know, the heir apparent to him, rightfully so. So, but now I get it. I netflix or whatever has made it an international comics come from all over, like to the cellar, It's the Hague. I'd be like, all right, you can do that. or stealing jokes from, you know, comics that people didn't know

2:17:51 but I think for the longest time it wasn't. Tip of the hat. Yeah. yeah well in in these weird times i think this is like where comedy They see this as an important thing. You know what I'm saying? It just means you want people to be peaceful. It's not that we shouldn't be supporting Ukraine, but where was all that fucking money when you wanted to fix Baltimore?

2:20:09 and better for everybody that grows up there? other one's gonna so you really have this feeling of almost prey i guess you could say you know so they really are great consumers. I'll put my hand over my eyes. I don't really Is there a black market of dirt bikes where they're Like I saw one actually when the queen went down. And they would all those like fast bikes.

2:22:34 you know, like just like, Mm-hmm. They feel, ow red lights? Mm-hmm. Wow. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Get the cold bath. No, it did. You good? doesn't just go away yeah he's You just concentrate on a new thing. I would have been- I knew you'd have some kind of potion or lotion for it. Yeah, liquid IV. I'm good. Okay. You're scaring me. You think? Yeah, for you to just

2:24:59 So I could feel it like with my bowels moving around differently, you know. Are you okay? But it was a lot of sitting, you know? I feel like my knee, like, I have a knee injury, so it's like, I just feel like my whole leg Yeah. I think. a hobby horse you were allowed to Exactly. I don't watch it. being able to like function without moving and these people have figured it out it's like they're

2:27:23 And then you'll see them shower and things like that so it is definitely not an only fans moment you know it's And you can't stop. He has to shit where he lays. You know, they suffer as well, so. And Naked and Afraid. but you take away shoes from people, Honestly, talk about, like, you could step on coals and it wouldn't bother you. Look at that. And imagine how strong those things are.

2:30:24 Well, that's... What is that? Yeah, it's like my friend Steve Rinella. You can't break that foot. Oh, like the lobster people. What a way to end it. You know what I started wearing recently is shoes with a wide toe box. Oh, that's good. You know, all the time, On a scooter? Here he is, everybody. Watch out. I'm taking off the tar Can wheel me out Here he is everybody

2:32:32 That's remote controlled Like where are you from But, yeah, no, I could totally see that happening. would scoot around on like a hoverboard with around what were those things I think, like, you know, with those things, the problem is if the power goes off, if it dies, it's just like you're on this gyroscope, right? Sad story. Segway boss died in an act of courtesy.

2:34:50 That is sad. Oh. Love you to death. and they've, You're one of the best comics alive, man. We'll have a play next time. So we have the DC Improv coming up next. That should be fun. Go see him.