Joe Rogan Experience #189 — B-Real Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Meow. Launch. No, I'm just... You know what I mean? mild spray and then there's a wash it See, all of them seemed pretty good. But yet me trying to move that water in my ass for 20 minutes. love for us it like seems gross you would clean your asshole that way and it seems like the more Yeah, it's just standard. Fascinating place, man, when it comes to, like, the way they behave and how polite they are.

3:26 all you have to do is tell them you're friends with Lady Gaga or something like that. Less people lie there. that those people are that they're very innocent people and they don't like, no, What? They dried their asshole insanely nice. it's an interesting culture, essentially went through a long period of like civil war you know they went through a lot of

5:24 it's amazing to watch. It's crazy thing i mean a really technical thing They figured that out. All that shit comes from Japan. Yeah. I'll look up his name because it was important. no but he looks like a video game character i was waiting for him to fly start shooting It was fucking, yeah, Birmingham. fucking beautiful man the way he hit it was like it was so tight and kid Yamamoto first of all he's

9:05 So he was – in his prime, he was a beast. which still leaves him in his athletic prime. Like Bernard Hopkins, same thing. in the past and like a knockout like no no he's never been knocked out he's been uh he's been It was amazing. I mean, it's an amazing fucking place to watch a fight. I had to go back So it's like, It was incredible. horrible i think you know there's this here's a thing there's a thing called fight metric okay

13:29 if I go like this, this counts, right? So if one guy is a power puncher and he's landing super clean There was one time where he knocked them down with the right hand. It's conceivable that he easily you know, easily people watching it at home And there's a lot of people who would have taken their check and fucking, you know, there's a few shots that he's taken where a lot of people have been like, you know what, I don't think I can go on.

15:18 nasty his wrestling's nasty he's super strong he's always in great condition he can fucking It's hard to catch him with anything like that. And the shots he got. But it was awesome hearing the fight sounds. But most people, when they get to a crowd, they just want to yell and scream. I went to see that band honey honey last night. Oh, yeah. How was that? They were awesome

17:47 like you know there was some like those are the good songs it's not even that man it wasn't that everyone was there to see them right um but it was it was like some free show that they were doing and they had Just kidding. The good information got out early. It's so inspirational. It's so inspirational I have no time. I know someday it will happen,

20:03 So what would you say I would do? Just smoke pot with us. I want to get him and Doug Benson together and just see how that podcast goes. because I wanted to hear. I think they're friends now. I think this is like old, long time ago. Yeah, well then don't bring there? Oh, don't go TMZing. No, no. I think they're friends now. Why leave something, Yeah.

21:12 say like oh you know sometimes he's a jerk you won't take pic what listen in my book there's They were hilarious. That's awesome. Which show was it on where we talked about the dice thing? funny it is. If you're like a real comedy fan Just buy it through Doug.com now. What are you talking about? I was really off the grid in Japan because Just charge you a fuckload as if like what you're doing over there is more expensive.

24:18 an email based system where you don't have phone numbers anymore you just have emails you know like And that's how we talk to each other like an email. Brian, you're too high to be honest. 24 if i'm on one side of this piece of water yeah the problem is you have to have like local people I can understand why they would want a service fee. One megabyte is $24.95.

26:33 Yeah. And then Three megabytes on an iPhone? iPad 2. I still have the iPad 1. I don't use the iPad for anything else. across that are Flash supported that you can't access? Yeah. would work a certain way with html and like another browser would work a different way You just have your.com linked to a Tumblr nowadays. Is that the new thing? Sorry. I used to write blog entries.

29:23 It's buggy. It's fucked up. As long as it was set up somewhere So that you could store it? Yeah, I think linking it to your Twitter,, it updates your Tumblr as well. I mean, I think you should. So that you can store it. No, no, you can do that. That might not be a bad idea. No, no, you can do that. I need to make it easier to find my old writing. Yeah, but you could cut and paste that

31:24 because i have sites i go to in Safari, A year later, there's a new update in Flash. His Twitter got hacked. Goldberg's daughter goes and takes his tweets down. You know, Mike Goldberg doesn't want to take any bullshit from people. You know, Mike Goldberg's been around sports like his whole fucking life. Japan was a fucking great time, I get these fucking emails from people.

33:17 It's so silly. Oh, really? said he was on Twitter, No, no, it's Yakuza. So there's no tattoo parlors in Japan, gangsters. So there's no tattoo parlors I mean, there's people that fight that social It means, you know, it's like people don't want to feel uncomfortable. message to send. You know, that's know you went to kentucky and tried to use the Excuse me, we don't allow Satan to work out in this gym.

36:02 I go, you have a shirt for me? I put it on right there before I go in. Huh. and they're, like, Russian women The Japanese, the Russians have always had some sort of connection in Japan world the connection between japan and russia must be pretty intense as well yeah those girls are look or vibe to them there's some of them that are very nice yeah oh yeah yeah totally obviously

38:33 you know, most likely she did grow up in some really fucked up place. that would you imagine if that could you know imagine if that was your daughter imagine if I like watching the fights better. And it was weird because every three blocks, this one street was just awesome. and what she's saying to me converting in my head was like 40 or something like that so i was like

40:20 because it was that. Son, you got to be more careful with your words. You can get your nose played with. Some people are into reflexology. I don't know though, but I would say, because I mean, when they play with certain parts brian i don't know what you're talking about massage is nice massaging your dick just as nice What? Yes, it was a common thing.

42:32 That's hilarious. because I'm pretty sure it's true. Come on. Yeah, something like that he was saying. an ailment once considered both common and chronic in women. Doctors loathed this time-consuming procedure for centuries Well, it makes sense, man. That's all it is. I just, yeah, I think the doctor shouldn't do that. I want to be able to, you know, you want to be able to do your job as a parent.

45:26 Listen, I'm just going to eat your ass. Would you be upset if you're like, this is so crazy. To just keep fingering me And he's probably like and there's a lot of people after you in line. Unless your girl is pissing on your hands so much that they shit design you know this is one of the theories is that human beings actually evolved in the water babies a little muscle bound little babies they're not all fat and chubby like our babies

48:12 And so it's like the best way to get out of it, just eat it all day. years old and they're gonna like dig down into this and this is like a whole like hundreds of millions of years old. And they're going to like dig down into this. that have happened so many times all that stuff's coming. have monkeys been around? How many millions of years? Let's just get crazy and just say

50:01 People had figured things out. Any moment, boom, the sky turns bright, and that's the end. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. They send that out. I kept on thinking about it. when people were first putting together railroads, And now think about what that amount of time in the future is going to hold. your at your essence all throughout the universe you know who knows who knows

52:54 That is so weird. there wirelessly connected to, you to to the universe and then something comes in a big file a big piece of for such amazing movies as Lord of the Rings you know who i'm talking about no very good actor anyway he's he's the one who was in the matrix and Oh, right, right, right. And you won't be able to discern whether it's real or not.

55:45 and you really think you're fucking. over the bodies of your enemies. Oh, yeah, I had the operation. There's a fighter, apparently, that's on this season, The Ultimate Fighter, that allegedly they're saying was in gay porn. Fighter on all two. sexual in any way but not porn stars you rolled with porn stars no but i rolled with i've rolled with pretty girls before there's been a few times and you know what man

57:50 Ew. Guys who are openly gay. develop a feeling for the tip of the cock you gotta know how far you can push him before he's Your boy pussy And then just As long as you don't go Raping other guys you're training with. I think you need to say it at least. Is that okay? That's the last frontier. No, no, no. Is that true? I think so. And these cops were giving her a strip search,

1:00:59 It was just they just told her to do it. that could be my sister. Just place her in a room and ask her some questions for a few minutes your butthole at all. a dangerous woman. give people the ability to do that. most instances people probably got shot by a gun? I'm talking about people that have bad days that just cannot handle where they get to be the guy in control they can't handle they go on ego

1:03:50 Allegedly. But, you know. you know they've never had that in the female You can go get that. Deep in China. getting thrown around like that. like Hulk Hogan, that poor guy, he's had a whole bunch of surgeries. He's just, just the size of him, you would think it would be difficult to live life. Like on your back and your But it was the local pro wrestling.

1:07:05 stuff they use like real submission holds you know it's pretty wild like a he just pushed it out he pushed it out it looked like he just wanted to get a paycheck. I heard a lot of different things like that, and I disagree entirely. because you need to do it. the camp becomes more about losing the weight than it does about improving skills. And that's why

1:09:03 It's wild watching fights in japan though isn't it i watch those to this day i still watch like to this day. I still watch. Like to me that's like. You know they're like movies. I was like holy shit. It's really cool how that arena actually expands. keep your eye out for the animation. But everywhere where people have businesses, they have like a cartoon pickle that runs their business.

1:11:01 And even like the description on the toilet. They get some horrible disease from having your poop in their mouth. Venti coffee is just fucking crank. You're like numb to caffeine, huh? You'll wake right the fuck up. Oh, wait, we already talked about this. My friends growing up were just huge House of Pain fans. Oh. Why do you get them confused? They're all together to me.

1:13:58 that the band that used to sing out uh take me past the Roo- Oh, yeah. We can live beside the ocean. Oh, yeah. He probably overdosed on pussy. When anything happens and a dude gets off track, and in rehabilitation Drunk fuck you know you've probably been broken up for a long time you never expected to fuck her and on top of And even though my emotions are telling me to go visit her,

1:16:28 You have a tequila. people need to accept it's a great drug it's not the best no it's not but it's good for a lot of It's not bad. Come on, man. I got discipline, son. We got in yesterday. Melatonin. I'm saying it's a natural supplement caffeine you just drink so much caffeine the caffeine that's a green tea like can't fuck with No. Like retarded stoned.

1:19:46 And we had classic stoner conversation, talking about things that scared the fuck out of us, You know, no big deal. whatever it is. What is it? Yeah, he was cool. Wish I had more time. Secrets? They were nice to send it. They've eliminated that. Yeah, I would say acrylic. The other question would be, if they didn't, would it be possible to make something that would fit in there that was made out of glass?

1:22:21 Why would it be good to breathe melted plastic? So you look cool? know what it is i don't know what it is either but i would think that's not good i didn't even Because you know the glass is not going to melt. found in green tea earlier that I take. some big production company or something like that. Yeah. Well, this was like 10 years ago when this happened.

1:25:44 step on everything then we go and step on our carpet then we have our kids climb on that carpet And that cedar trees were introduced to Japan after World War II, because they had so many houses to rebuild. Like, again, their culture is like you have to take care of your own shit Kind of like when you go to a mall But he still spent the time to draw me a map to the wrong hotel at least.

1:27:51 fans that lived in japan which is so awesome crazy yeah a lot of people that came to the fights yeah now? Yeah, FX. Yeah, FX. That's how quiet it was. Yeah, but you don't i don't know man brazil was fun people were very nice the food was fantastic people were really fun Yeah. were American movies to make it look more like Look, what it embodies as far as like

1:30:34 You know, there's so many good parts of this country, saw like how many people are lining up for japanese stand-up comedy i mean is it is it really popular i'm just asking i'm just trying to be like a social scientist checking this all out but Kevin, it's illegal down here, cocksucker. Hi, hi As it goes on Right. you know would you want that bubbling underneath you

1:33:39 a crazy person you're affiliated with crazy activity you fucked something up too bad we with this guy flinging loads in the walls? and she has her eye open when your load falls from the ceiling, Long, dead sperms. And then I just left her house. Yeah. She stuffed it back conditions. Sperm ejaculated into a woman's outside the body may only survive and then you've got a baby, whether you like it or not.

1:36:22 After you fuck a girl, you pull the condom off you tie it I was doing a couple of them, I was thinking, God, I can't wait That's where I'm going to film it. I think I've got an email from them saying that it is, but it would be there's so many interesting things to talk about. It's a fucking weird gig, man. follow your passions and like one of the things I started realizing when I started doing Fairfax

1:39:08 It's like there's never a moment when, like, a fight's about to begin where I wish I was somewhere else. The act of making people laugh, you're making them feel better. I don't want to say the bit, and I was like, holy fuck, that's good. all right, I want to work, but I want everything to be cool. to become you have to go through some shit menial jobs kind of understand what labor is really like

1:41:14 Imagine rewinding your life Yoga, something where I figure out something to center my body. really stark it's really obvious they had like microscopes and shit and beakers and refrigerators. But, you know, everybody's like super suspicious. because the rest of the world's kind of wacky. which is pretty sweet. Yeah, my papers are in order. Bro. Fucking love it. I want to go back that flight's motherfucker remember remember remember tea milk

1:44:29 It tastes like straight up mulch or something. It was delicious. It was crooked from there. You know what Brian Callen told me? killing you in the middle of the night. Wow, really? or some shit. Is that why Japanese girls and I was flipping through the channels with an anonymous mask banging a chick. So he's hitting it hard, So I wound up watching this guy with an anonymous mask on. How long was it on?

1:47:26 I wasn't looking for that. to look at is bad. Did one girl not like the way her pussy looked, It could be giant. It's pretty powerful. But she wasn't doing such a good job of sucking it. I don't understand blowjob videos. Do you understand that for most men- No, I don't understand blowjob videos. Do you only like concentrate on the woman? No. Why watch guys fuck at all? Why watch guys fuck it all?

1:49:47 What is it? Yeah. I bought it. Where? No, you just, you know, slap them in the face with your dick while they're doing it. You're letting some big rubber dick take over your turf. I just get them all worked up until they need a real dick. she's like, maybe I could love him. she wishes it was a real dick. That's what she thinks. If it's fat and to a certain point, I think it hits a certain spot.

1:52:19 I mean, like, if it's like, hey, do you want eight inches or do you want 14? Yeah. You got to find how many rings you need. What's squirts juice still in there? That's crazy about five days. Birth control is not good. Stopping a guy from using a condom, how dare you like it like if you come on something had a friend over and she took off her clothes clearly it wasn't your intention to get a girl

1:55:14 How's that? it's because they had sex, Brian. camera we should have be able to record us having sex then for the same reason. Just make sure. Oh, yeah. You're supposed to be in front of your camera now, sir. There's going to be a way to monitor your state of consciousness, your heart rate, your blood sugar levels, all that shit. when NASA launched the Apollo missions, and then think of how small they're going to be how big they were when NASA Launched the Apollo missions

1:57:18 It's already been put in your ass He did an interview where he was saying that he knows that the government has access to information It's like his dog sitting in his lap. I'm just going to tell people, Shibu. But he's confused. Yeah, I guess the breed is kind of very protective of just the family, Problematic dogs are the dogs that are usually the smartest.

2:00:05 What's that breed of dog. He has a ridge back. Wow. I sent you that Edgar Mitchell video. They're scary. about 80 or 90 pounds. This thing stood was taller That big? Well, I guess there's one that's in here that looks kind of muscular, but they seem very thin. Weigh about 80. 80 males weigh about 85 pounds You know that term, keeping a lion at bay?

2:02:54 and chase it up a tree, and that's the Rhodesian Ridgeback. the length of the dog's back. jesus like you're standing you're standing next to a giant animal. with this giant box it stays in. That's so gross. that's when your ears start popping, over the ocean when you go that fast can birds even get out of your way do they even have time with those things too.

2:05:18 The fastest. It's incredible. left behind on the runway. So as it Is that correct? Too many people. That's amazing. building up speed. as it was in the air. Figure out a way. Just make a better one. We don't see this Brian. Oh my god, it's scary. I don't know. But I guess you could get to Europe in like two hours. It's not comfortable even slightly.

2:09:53 a few hours jesus christ it's worth it in that sense because otherwise i'm not starting a fucking Deal with it And flights are expensive I mean, it's so fucking big, but I don't know. matter where you are and looking up facts on google no but yet they were flying all over the country almost like you'd be able to pull it out of the air like a radio signal.

2:12:04 up through the air, the electricity in the air wire and you know up to the through the air I don't know. I keep on thinking about the band Tesla I guess they were fans of his. You hijacked that dude's legacy. them together i was trying to let's let's get crazy bro let's get crazy well how long was the Concorde. Party in space. Because they essentially reach

2:14:05 Fuck that. Oh, shit. You ready for this? in even a conditioned athlete of no more than 5 to 10 seconds. despite quickly donning the masks. down? Oh my god. Wow. So they stopped flying, I guess in the 80s, or in excuse me, 2003. Like, wow, that's so peaceful and beautiful. F-A-18. What is this thing, man? The paraglider had non-life-threatening Ari Shafir and

2:18:13 Most likely it's going to sell out. i've been looking to put down on dvd for a long time now it's been like i think two years since So I'm going to do a lot of shows after April, in May, June, July, before. enter in the code name, blah. What? No. You don't have to worry anymore. and check out all the different my buddy from So that's it. We've got a lot of shit coming up.

2:20:56 and say that this is a huge part of your life now and it's so much fun everyone say, man, your fans are so nice. Try to, at best times, always, at every turn, How hard is that? Enjoy the shit out of it. You can.