Joe Rogan Experience #19 — Brian Redban Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Bam! Bam! I'm like, how dope would it be if we were in fucking space right now? And we're fucking fired up. I got something funny to tell you, Joe, by the way. And one of the reasons why it's famous is because it's supposed to feel really good. like it was really bad I accidentally the whole flashlight yeah yeah it was like lol cat yeah And then we met the dude and Chris was a super cool guy

2:24 of porn now that you don't really necessarily want to be associated with. Yeah, he was a real bright guy, man. Yes, definitely. which is just not good. but what's funny is he gave he gave us a sample so we can feel and touch it of the Fleshlight. He gave us a sample. He gave us these samples. It's too mushy.'s like a pushy that's sick well because it's usually

4:49 So I took the samples and I had it there in a bag. Because I had like two different hand jobs going on. around the bottom one? Remember? but it felt really good. Yeah, these are the ones right now. Are you going to do an unboxing video for us, Joe? That you're sponsored by a thing. Right. release so it's not built up it's not annoying you all day because if you're not getting laid

7:50 Yeah. Like laces. You know, old people. That's you. How fucking crazy are people? to the fact that I think two girls in one cup Look, I'm just curious about this certain subject. And why is the idea of me fucking this rubber flashlight? You're not supposed to have sex, Joe. That's what they said. Why? whereas this is an endorsement. Marijuana actually not only sponsors this show, it writes most of the material and causes most of the things to happen.

11:38 a real argument right now. The real argument It is super tight. They have a Lupe. Than the way I used to have it set up How about that So that's the fleshlight fella Fuck it Enjoy it I got the stamina training between the Ustream crowd and the iPhone, iPad, iPod crowd. That's bold. That's strong words that was one because they do most of their masturbation like grabbing a sheet or grabbing a pillow. This is his words, not mine.

13:52 to me and the other reason um for the fresh fleshlight is it trains guys not to prematurely So, I don't things like smoke cigarettes. I used to smoke Like, that feels good. That feels like, a lot of medical reasons. The scene is distracted. Just let me know on Twitter, Joe Rogan. And is there really a bunch of you out there that would not want to see something that I'm doing, whatever the fuck it is, because you know that I support rubber pussies?

16:37 grandi grandiose illusions of grandeur in my head i connect my it's because i've always wanted to I support it. And that's their toy. I can't wait to fuck it and I'm going to get a cantaloupe, put it in the microwave, put a little hole in it and warm it up a little. Don't eat, yeah. Please shut... Yeah. It's hilarious they called right when we're talking about it.

18:30 You know, I'm not a bad guy. we're going to give you all this money every week. And all you have to do is just show up and watch including the podcast on iTunes trying to have like a real show with like a desk and real microphones. And the sound is much better. They would have never let me. fear factor type shit in the future it's so funny because there is a pretty direct line on the old

21:22 I have to see that episode. and it is so yeah You know, advertisers rather. between a Republican senator but yeah, who the fuck knows? one of the reasons why they're so arcane in their ways is that that's where culture to this one place to get the most And that's why there's the problem with this This ancient ideology, this to die for that. That in

24:41 the Middle East. I don't think illegal to sell cocaine. It has to be sold illegal. You can't sell it legally. You can't that are going in there now how like the last spring break Christians and they're what's going on is of them. It's such a fucking hard fight because they let them like dig in and get infested. half of their families. Because even when you have laws, we have things like pharmaceutical companies.

27:44 pills that like just from going to the dentist. I wake up and they're combing my hair. You go, dude, you're really stressed right now. You know it would feel better? Actually, I hate Vicodin. only when i sleep like in the middle of the night i wake up and they're calming my hair you're really stressed right now you know actually i hate you me up man i hate

28:59 they cut a slice of it off with the bone, But the one with the ACL where they do the surgery where they take it off the bone is way, way, way more painful. And my jaw was slack. well there's no fucking work within the law Hey, Viagra's going to take us out on a nice dinner. Viagra was a poor example right that's a good one right I the name of it but it was the blue pill.com or something like that and i'm thinking you know

32:12 I don't know how it all works. Yeah, you turn it on and when the doctor comes in— for things that are totally unavoidable and I'm not saying the doctors perfect but you X percent. And so they don't think they're doing anything wrong. Vioxx is something that I don't know what to do. Like, whoa, we're fucking with human neurochemistry and we're allowing these heartless pharmaceutical

34:33 but there's got to be way more oversight those fucking things will crush Or fucks a rubber vagina. you know, if it wasn't for them, my nose would suck and I wouldn't be able to walk that good. You know what I mean? Doctors are they have to literally overthrow the culture, the way I felt connected to the universe, and you have mushrooms growing under your tree in your backyard,

37:07 Perhaps. than the one going on in Afghanistan You know what I'm saying? They're fighting a pharmaceutical war with tanks. because there's a god damn demand for it I think shooting people of the internet son Target is an awesome place the rubber pussy. with a butcher knife and a steak You're in the middle of a battle, a knife We just got to start from scratch.

40:05 Just kill them. went eyebrow and it moved on to the belly button and then like some crazy girls got nipples and even blink if you fuck her in the ass she'll be like what there was a girl standing outside of are fucking way different than they fucked like in like the 1970s. Because they're having butt sex, like, way early and all the time. No, you know what's going to be the big operation? It's not going to be Botox.

42:37 That's... Our society is going in a very, very, very, very strange direction. aren't. And that, you know, we had to come from somewhere, so there has to be a God. And that, you know, the Bible is, you know you know can prove the bible mathematically like they start talking nutty talk and these are doctors and The other part of it is just magnificent.

45:17 Is that just an age thing, though? bad movies we have today. and he paid he paid the most on her dress Right. She's so hot. Don't be rude. now you're into like everybody has a look what's important It was terrible. my connection to the spirit world. It's like my spirit guide. It sounds completely retarded and like everything kicks you. And then it kicks me everything about what am I doing wrong in my

48:39 It's never like an experience like, yeah, I'm fucking awesome here. I shut it off. to it and everything. It'll be way better than E.T. now is just astounding. Oh, that would be so good. They really should have to film in another way like you should have to do it in the dark where I Dude, I don't even watch that movie. I've always been obsessed with primates.

51:29 Have you always been like that? She didn't give a fuck that I was there. My grandmother worked for the mob and she did time. That's like a chimp cage. what would he be? If they had a monkey sign, I'm more like, wow, tiger. You're just dumb. What are you doing? I don't can kiss my ass. I don't give a fuck about you. You're just dumb. When's your movie

53:19 Have you seen a preview or anything? animals. The animated animals are pretty fucking dope. Really? Yeah, they just change their especially the guys with me and Kevin One where I go I was only one hand in it because I was trying to grab him. I got lucky all the time. Yeah. Right. have died right there yeah man that man. That's some scary shit. Taking it from a guy who's involved in the UFC and does jiu-jitsu, it sounds ridiculous.

56:36 And you know, you're not going to fucking dump each other on each other's heads. You're done, son. Snap. Our horses could be friends with each other. Brian, you've been into this. Right. You can't trust people to raise the horses correctly. What's crazy is that I'd get a pony. That would be crazy if we had to go back to horses. 200 years ago. That's a blink in time.

59:26 For everything. And if you talk to people who understand how the United States is involved in other countries The people involved in the oil business are all the people that are supporting the conservative right. I think everybody was in support of it. They're talking about 40,000 gallons a day. I've heard 400,000. pretty look at look at we're looking at images right now and you can't see because you're not

1:02:32 fucked because they don't want to do that because they have this well down there they want to you've got to destroy the whole thing first, if cat litter just clung to it, and all you'd do is pour bags of it, It seems like more sense than what they're doing now. or even under control, See, that's ridiculous. everything in that area. Look at this. Save it on your desktop and then just throw it in there.

1:05:11 Let's go down to your desktop. You visual junkies. to grasp. It's so Like add live shot? There was another one that just happened where in the Malacca Strait, an oil tanker exploded. We have to, you know, as a species, we have to get past that. consuming things that people produce from oil. And I don't see that changing. How the fuck is we run out, and we're not

1:08:10 It's not hemp. it's it's it's definitely we've got to do something this this oil thing does not work But actually, it's some sort of a natural fluid that's produced by the earth. You know, it's all supposed to be in there. It's like, it's like literally like we're sucking something out that's a part of some sort of a natural cycle you know it's all supposed to be in there it's like it's like literally like we're like fucking mosquitoes

1:10:22 to make shit out of oil and we can transport shit with oil and we can get planes to have this oil. Because we have figured out a way to make shit out of oil. And we can transport shit with oil. Have you heard about the smart dust shit? These are, Listen to this. And send data. Well, it is true stuff. Who gets all the best scientists? And the sensors, what they know is whether or not there's a car in that spot.

1:13:04 Like the sensors no more speeding, son. So there's not going to be Because horses, you can't. It was actually better to go as fast as you could. Yeah, that's why The horse freaks out, man. Well, this real world web that they are trying to create is is one of the strangest inventions that i think i've ever Or is this just theories? them do that? Like, you're going to do what?

1:15:07 House. But it's not going to go directly to that. I think that's the future. Before that happens, to see everything all the time. Maybe we're looking at the to watch people fuck. You're going to be able to see everything now we can see people fuck. I got the latest shit, yo. always be one step up. Do you know there's something like fucking 4 000 new

1:17:11 has changed so radically from what our physical biology is coded for that it's forcing this sort We're going to realize how ridiculous embarrassment is, just what we get used to. I mean, think about the shit that people get used to in other countries. Like, you're responsible for your fucking dog biting something, But if your son is some fucking mass murderer, what are they going to do?

1:19:25 How did that happen? You don't? No. So you think... That's just a deviation in This person likes to stab somebody. is a sociopath. about other people's feelings, There's just a lot of speculation. release. video i think video games hand-to-eye coordination is off the fucking hook i mean when if you think well fucking ps3 i ain't fucking playstation those are faggy sure there must be dudes like

1:22:17 bowling and shit. Just kidding. If you wanted someone to be awesome at killing people with remote-controlled devices, who the fuck would you get besides them? his name's jonathan wendell i think is his name i met him in vegas too he's a really cool guy or whatever the fuck it is if you've never played it's an awesome game through these really It's so fucking fun.

1:24:05 I watched this dude play this guy live. You're like, man, that's incredible. right where they went Yeah, Matthew Broderick was a hacker. and the computer's like old-ass text. ridiculous is that? It's like Star Trek. Was it? but it was yesterday I just don't see how some disputes about what they are oh yeah whole city's not gonna be allowed yeah but what these

1:26:39 If this is something they're creating in 2010, what the fuck are they going to have in 2020? I don't even know the exact specifics of that case. That's a future one. They're going to make a fucking sun. Yeah. We're like Tom and Jerry. Yeah, it's been on a million things. There was a comic that used to do an act like that norm mcdonald's making fun of him remember oh yeah remember he had like a logical illogical or right

1:28:59 researchers say the smart dust theory And if technology keeps moving forward, what is the end result? This is probably the beginning, man. just you throwing that name sun around maybe it's just a really hot light bulb yeah well it just Research shows that these two guys were just smoking a lot of weed. Wow. guy's name and then under more options in google click the last month listen to you crazy fuck

1:32:11 is some shit new show they're They're going to have a game show. That's what they should do. And you're in the public eye, so let's put you on TV. And put them all Dancing with the Stars the whole season. where you step back and go, Is it going to eventually get to a point You vote a president in, know about how complicated the world is, that's fucking nonsense. That's total nonsense. But yet we accept it. The right way to do it would be to have everybody vote on things. The problem

1:35:15 But once you get an office, like, you know, man, like we really like the oil that we're getting in one area. There can't be That's why people can't vote for everything. to being able to be the big ship that is humanity because some shit is going to change and you're about to go through trying to create suns and you see things like what's going on with the fucking oil spill,

1:37:43 being the end of humanity, that a date can actually track. It's going to be like the computer virus at 2000. I think so. for the last seven years. I go to But ever since the San Diego earthquake, there has been so much activity in Mexico. interested in them it's just weird like every day like right the last whatever Let me make a pee-pee. I'll pee in the flashlight.

1:40:15 from the bathroom, I love these stories, man. which means that are adopted to gay families are all fucked up. And he explains that he is sensual, wild and up for anything. He says, Rentboy.com. in so much, so much legislation, so much, so much activism against homosexuals. And He's getting twinks. This dude was going and getting twinks. got some fucking Betty Boop

1:44:12 was that guy's name that was uh he worked mark faber he was another guy right there's been so Whatever. If it's not, trying to just suppress people, wouldn't you think they would look at you? Wouldn't you think they would check you out? party together. Who cares? Why do you care? You know, it doesn't make sense if you care, I said it again. Shit. by the way

1:46:16 eww I put it up my butt. it's too, it's too crazy. And every one of them that are telling people what to do with their Who knows? There's no answers, folks. And that's important because if we're ever going to get past And until we do, we're going to fucking lives where we're you know we're exposing like another level of you know of understanding of

1:48:33 I mean, nobody got busted like that before. And he believes that that's one of the reasons why they went after him. Why do you give a shit? it correctly at all that's i know what you're talking about i was just joking i know what we Whatever the fuck it is. trying to suppress people from doing things that don't affect the person who's trying to stop them from suppressing things. Just leave

1:50:58 That's ridiculous. I'm glad you agree with me. If you put your laptop, situation here. They're super exciting fights. in the fight, he just edged him, a lot of people felt like he edged him, and a very that they think are going to benefit them in this fight Maybe they just fucking go at each other. And both guys are too dangerous. What do you think of karate as a martial art in general?

1:54:17 their footwork is different than Muay Thai guys. catches you with one of those he could fuck you up and if he starts lighting you up like pot shot you from a distance you're in trouble that's what happened to rash. And if he catches you with one of those, he could fuck you up. And if he starts lighting you up, like pot-shotting you from a distance,

1:55:00 And he's so good at that. and Lyoto's going to be confident and Ly he's going to be fucking coming in guns blazing, okay, that little 15-year-old has a black belt. bullshit mysticism thing and a lot of bowing and they're very cult-like man if you've never been You don't have to call him. and he's going to show it to you. or a Kyokushin karate school where they're really rigid, traditional, old school weight, no, they're not going to give you a fucking black belt if you're not ready.

1:57:29 and kick to the body and kick to the legs. fucking 12 years old and you got a black belt. they want you to target their drones did you hear obama made a joke about fucking drones how did you know that you know The timing sucked. beautiful but I want to let you know, don't even think about it. Like, unmanned drone. Yeah, dude. and launch them to these mountainsides, and people get jacked left and right.

2:00:32 the goddamn united right just like when george bush was president and he said where are the obviously taking it like in a like a right i can't believe he's joking about this shit brian brian There's plenty of shit to make fun of with that goofy fuck. I think it's fucking hilarious. It wasn't well delivered either. lost their children many people lost their loved ones gone forever but because it's taking place

2:02:36 You're saying a what if, though, Joe. You're getting really sensitive about our war and our troops and everything. That's not just people don't approve unless they're nerf our baby blowjobs you're saying like you know that's bad to say you know how many people are child So yes, he's at the top of the food chain. They were talking about his jokes bombing.

2:04:50 I love Norton, but he also loves Jay Leno, you know? Everybody's all mad at Jay because he took his job back. and not Leno because his payout There was another thing. You might have been told that by agents or something too. Maybe he didn't know. Maybe he was just mistaken. Well, there was another thing. extra a month. That he's going to is a stupid argument.

2:06:40 When he went there and played baseball with them. had a whole like 10 minute sketch the other day on Subway and it was a commercial and Ugh. On the horse? That dude's like super rich now. There was a movie called Miss March. bit material about being uh mr hands dot mpeg that's no that's not weird at all but it's weird I think that's silly. that there's so many similar things.

2:09:13 Maybe he just has the same voice. I'm eating a peach. Whereas Brian Callan's not famous. I don't know about that. that's just about it yeah yeah I'll have that one some Twitter messages. Tell me what you think. Yeah. Brian's part of this show is sponsored by Fleshlight. should it be a monitor Samsung no that's ridiculous Should we do green screen? We gotta get that box.

2:11:59 You know how this thing works? All right. Monitors are gay. and check this shit out. at Z Gallery, yo. microphones and the high-end mp3 player and all that jazz the video should be I'm glad you guys enjoyed it.