Joe Rogan Experience #1907 — Ari Shaffir, Shane Gillis & Mark Normand Transcript

Transcript

0:00 The Joe Rogan Experience. Oh, are we on? He's a great guy. Imagine if no one was paying attention to space, if everyone Yeah. The dots are so weirdly connected, too. That's not a lion, you fucking idiot. Yeah, no doubt about it. But he's like, I have a very recognizable voice. Not bad. Yep. Yeah, I got it as a kid. Saaab. Like in the 1970s. Holy shit.

3:26 I know. That's amazing. Lisa Ann said John Sally had the Yeah. I know a lady. And she said- That's true. They're just trying to get at me. Rate my professor. Yeah. Like, oh, you don't like a D? What did you get? Oh, should always have to put their grades in before they review. Rate my professor. Isn't that a weird system? See what I'm saying? Yeah, but I'm saying, can we get both?

5:47 John Stamos? No. Well, in a lot of prisons, you can do that now. Yep. Beautiful man. Just a little puff. 345. That was good, dude. 4.5 million in four weeks. The pop when you got on stage last night was extraordinary. Some of them. It was good. There's a chick to the right that just the whole show. You just notice them. Nick DiPaolo used to yell at people and they did that.

8:13 He could be fucking killing, and if one person wasn't paying attention, he'd be so fucking mad. It's not like an iPhone. and they would waterproof it. Carbon. Well, he wasn't. Mark Hamill. I'm just shitting on Star Wars. Pull it up. You look different. How bad is Leno's scars? I'll see myself out. And he's got every pocket full. By the way, never been happier.

10:50 His face was all fucked up. He fits in an LA skid row. It's like everybody's got a thing that they really like. Everybody said he was a fucking straight-up killer. Oh boy, dementia's kicking in. It's going to be nuts. They'll be waiting. If it gets bad. If you're talking about Sasquatch and aliens while you're dementia. It's so weird that you would. Flat earther. Yeah, he was. That's why he should get a pass. But he It's weird how many flat earthers there are. There's a lot out there. There's a lot out there. Kyrie Irving was a well-known flat earther.

13:13 You guys understand how crazy what he did was? is still for sale on Amazon. It's all narrative shit. This is the new thing. The new thing is if someone that's in the news. You said it, brother. But all this happens, and then you put out Jew. Because Ronnie was big before the pandemic. No one's doing what that guy's doing on stage. Can I get that lighter?

15:22 Yeah, he was saying things like, I got a big head now. It's going quite well now. Four and a half million views About a group that people hate. I'm like, I don't know. Joe Rogan wrong. Everybody watch right now. When you said just get it to six million, I'm like, he's selling himself short. I didn't get the reference. Come on. That's cute. It is to go in the deli and go, how much is the Holocaust? Oh. Come on.

17:14 Yeah. We're fucked. People don't take into account He's a talent. Yeah. Not a Jew. shit and then you got to like, do you defend it? Yeah. It's fucking incredible And he just What? What? that's you guys who's the last guy rose 75 million and they say owes 50 which is agents. I'm positive That's the new booker for the comedy store. Oh, yeah. That is true.

20:38 What? Milo is the troll. What'd you say about ivermectin? They took away his ability to make a living. Is he? Milo Christian? Dude. He's for sure a rabble rouser. We're the best, dude. Give it a go, JMO. I have no idea what it is Larry David's very confused. You don't know this FTX thing. I heard about it I have no idea what it is. It's a channel on thing

23:06 He just died in his sleep. He's all thin and healthy. That's the kind of shit they cover up. Yeah, you're getting high, and you're going crazy. The third top cryptocurrency trader to die suddenly in recent weeks. Hotter wife than Trump's. End it now, dude. Yeah. Now you don't return calls. You don were depressed now. You don't return calls Yeah, but look at your blues.

25:00 It's better. I was like, the band's back backed up by anything it's all like it's basically a Ponzi scheme. and then people started trying to pull their Like, within a week. You can just crash everybody's currency like that. But people are using it to buy shit. Ethereum? 90% of mine. It's like it was bitcoin now it's like Let's do it. It's not a real.

27:59 It's something there. During all this, Nike's launched a platform to sell some sort of NFT stuff. They were never really supposed to be worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. like Beanie Baby Run. Where they go and they have this in the UK if you resell a painting the artist gets paid again You need great financial advice. I saw the doc on it. Jesus Christ.

29:31 I used to love Beanie Babies I liked that was gay I could never buy them. He's too old for that. What? All right. Which one? Boys could have dolls. That's a good bear. When you were fifth grade, they had what? That's a good question. Jesus Christ. Is that him? I mean you're stuck with the Jew forever I read a whole story on that once with this guy infiltrated one of them, pray the gay

32:14 All gays. That sounds like Bruno. I mean, when I talk about gay stuff And I was like, so do you think that people are actually gay? They're like us, but they want to fuck guys. If you see Mateo Lane, you're not like, fight it. It's true. It is weird, though, just because you're a dick, Josh Zepps, to tell people marriage is only for procreation. Says who? It's made-up thing yeah but then you go like what about people what

34:31 Next time he's going to be wearing a Rolex. I don't. It's just construction. There's something underneath this. America is full. That's amazing. It fits like a glove. This is so fucking fun and ironic. Oh it is that I didn't know what it was until your guys told me. Great movie. But that guy was great, Hughes. And then he went nuts. But I thought talking about aliens.

37:17 How the fuck did that happen? I don't know what Free Quaid. Cousin Eddie. They always have to say to everybody, because they're still in the system. That's Jim Carrey? 23andMe has verified I have no Neanderthal ancestry in my genetic code. He's a Texan? Good looking dog. Nice bitch. They were at the top of the game for a while. So here he says, Already then.

39:50 Looks like McGregor now. So bizarre. Yeah. Yeah. It's nice. Outside alone. The brown, the white, the green. But how do you not have a convo? 50 cents is nothing. cheaper than a beer. Someone's a rat. in Southern California. Just click on that. Pause. How old is this? That's what they're doing. There's going to be videos that we look at in the future.

43:35 You got to do it in LA. Yeah, like when we went to see Roger Waters we had to wear masks. Oh, it's so funny Rogan going going on? That's right. I made them man. I was you I made your test. Oh good call. Yeah Scoop the bag and test that you find the one person that you could live without It's great. I mean, if cocaine's legal, that would be wild. It's not like it's expensive to make.

46:20 Fat coke head. Who are you? I'm a good citizen. Don't other countries allow heroin and shit? You put the same money you were putting into fighting the crimes, fighting the drugs, you I would try heroin. Shut up, Mark. Oxys. You guys give me painkillers Farve's got a hog I promise you he doesn't he sent a dick pic Quigley? Minuscule? He's no package. By the way, by the way, dick size means nothing.

49:17 I think he made a lot of, I think he took COVID relief. you got alcohol, True. Brett Favre got $6 million in welfare funds for a volleyball stadium. Oh. Fudgebacker. Allegedly. People are starving to death, and they're homeless. Of course he wasn't running it. It's crazy. 1,000! 1,000 concussions? No. Do you understand what a concussion He's more loose.

52:37 This is your time, Ari. I got hit in an Uber. it's possible to experience some memory deficits particularly of the events leading up to a moment You can. I don't know. Then he finished me off with an uppercut after I got up. but you're able to play, that's a concussion I was wrong. I admit I was wrong. I'm a big man. That's my excuse. Quarter inch.

55:12 He's like, fuck, you got to get better to get back in the game. Oh, bam. No, no, it doesn't really. the brain is the same. Also, back in the day, football. Are you taking notes? What are you doing, Ari? Honestly, do you feel better? Yeah, it was an incompletion. No, I'm just saying, stay on the wave. I am going for a few weeks out. No one deserves it less, honestly.

57:30 What the fuck? Is the sex better now that that you got some money. Poor fucking's only great when you're not poor anymore. $5? where it's fun while you're doing it, like a rollercoaster, Do it. The problem with those young comics is we don't know if they're going to make it. Not all of us make it. bear's mouth. Oh, yeah. And now people get to see. It's just we're a weird kind of artist.

1:00:06 I'm making a lot of dick jokes Oh he still is at the Mothership yes Roseanne Oh, yeah. Let's play it. He goes, this next guy. Play he's presenting to a crowd. Let's play it. Let's play it. Kinnison. I was working as a fitness trainer at the Boston Athletic Club. Real brash. re-does his bit about homosexual Just me and her in the parking lot. Wait, wait.

1:02:31 we're in for something now, folks. My next guest Do they already know him? He's got screams. I know a lot of you come here, you watch TV, you wait every night one thing. Oh, yeah. You think you're safe thing oh yeah yeah you think you're safe huh next to his wife. Show time! Yeah, where's this guy now? We're doing things with our lives. Those guys in the malls with the strollers.

1:05:49 Buy it every time I love women. I can't help it. I buy it every time love comes to me goes where you walk in and you go, No. I swear I do. Out there, you know, hungry. If you want to do something about world hunger, Zoom in. and it occurred to us that there wouldn't be real hunger 85 shit was about to change I found out about him what were there in the middle

1:09:57 then there was the Comedy Connection, who's not like a comedian. into comedy. And then he's hanging out with all these rock stars The late night spot. He'd come in at 1230 no one care drunk I remember when he died because I was in New York and I was in my apartment and it was on MTV News. Not just topped off, but heavily declined. Whoa. Into who he was exactly he he got audience capture so louder than hell was 86 breaking the

1:12:44 talk of the town. Yep. After he did jokes about I came back from a Stanhope show at King King Damn, I sideswiped a bunch Oh, yeah. It's hard. Can I tell you guys how excited I've been for doing this? I've been doing that Don't fucking talk about you're on your own smoke. This guy was talking about climate change. Because Ari Shaffir. So what is it about that?

1:15:35 The bears are dying. We had the hot oven, now we're on the hot button. you get on YouTube and people find out about it fine but the thing is is like Do you still enjoy the movie? Like, okay, let it go. Every fucking special that's ever been, all the Kinison specials, all the Bill Hicks stuff, Oh, I love those. I haven't even looked at it. Yeah. I bet there's some hot ladies in there.

1:17:48 I just wanted to record it. I got an angle for your body. love to do? I got to do it. I mean, it feels good. You're having fun. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. Adam Friedman. That Mencia one's killer. It's funny, dude. I don't wanna give it away We'll get through this. He was trying to get a shot. As soon as he falls and dies.

1:20:58 I was like, you're a Marine, dude. You know what I mean? I saw Bobby had them. Bobby looks great. Like, that's going to be you know, Louie was like, That wasn't even He said he's two minutes in, he was acting. What? Yeah, I'm out, dude. What about the salad? You would think that someone who ran the Roman Empire would get a better salad. All right. I don't joke anymore.

1:23:19 Seizures. That's how they came up with it? Caesar salad. We haven't had an assassination in a while. All right, stay seated. crying and I looked for your dog in the bathroom olive oil, lemon juice, egg, and Parmesan cheese. I was like, I love a Caesar salad. Every culture that had access to psychedelic drugs took them. The Vikings. I had no idea it was that hardcore.

1:25:24 He was a hot guy. I had heard No morals. There was no You should build a... And they're like, You can do worse. Not that bad, This is a very intense movie. It shouldn't have. represent those kind of people that were just sword fighting and dying out there. The way they talked, the way they behaved. You're not like, where are the phones? Now what the fuck are you just saying?

1:27:52 But if you watch a movie made today and there's not a lot of phones in it, you don't go, where are the phones? That should be the whole show. Everyone's just paying attention to something else other than what's in front of them. Yeah, it's hard. Yeah? We'll do some editing. Yeah, that's from sitting on this, you dumb fuck. Front pocket Look at the blue sweat from his blue jeans.

1:29:38 Yeah, that's psycho. This is the newest one. No, fanny pack. Dude, when you piss on Fungi, it's fucking ridiculous. Oh, it's very well done. I go, where'd you get that? He did that to me years ago, and I thought he was serious. Because he was a troll that filled arenas. Play it from the beginning. From my film. Oh, look. That's a solid one. Speaking of psychedelics, remember when the South Park guys went to the Oscars on acid?

1:32:45 it last night. There's something about Goldblum one or the Stallone one. You ate a bunch of those. More. Just go with it Don't be fucking lame dude I thought the whole thing in the beginning was Was anybody actually upset? Dave Chappelle is the number one stand-up talking about Jews today. That's worse than the fucking picture I posted, you bitch. Of Angry Ari?

1:34:57 His phone's on I constantly post that on my shirt. It's great. Conor. No, no. Volkanovski's wild. He's so funny. No. Look at that photo. Look at the size of him. Bro, look at the size of that guy. Working his upper body? That's what he was yelling about. Jamie, you dog. Focus on that. It's a cup. It's funny. He's a wild boy. That's a flopper. I mean, it was the McGregor fight.

1:38:19 Of course. McGregor's the man, obviously. That's insane. Damn. Oh, Tyron Woodley. He gets up to like 200 pounds. He's a good striker. Just spar, though. I'll give you a million dollars to spar me. Yeah, but those guys are psychos. They're not going to. Yeah. What you're doing is you're gonna do one round. Come on, you wanna spar me? You're training for it.

1:40:12 This guy's paying you a million dollars to have an unsanctioned fight. You wouldn't fight Jake? That guy can crack. His foot just stopped working I'm trying so hard to keep it together. and you think that might have accentuated it It happened to Michael Chandler in Bellator. Anderson. He hasn't come back from it. Perfect freeze. Perfect freeze. Jamie, cut it out.

1:42:46 But I mean. It was a long time ago. Yes, Corey Hill. Back that up a little bit real quick. So he throws a kick. He throws the kick. I saw you. I had a hamster in their class. It was a guinea pig. the Bisbing doc? People have to explain to them what happened in the fight. It's a good way to fuck another lady. Mistake. Wow. I used to take it for hangovers, and I just get too cracked out.

1:46:31 It ain't pretty. Talk about not getting it up. This guy is smirking. And I have some on me if you guys want to straighten out. It could be. Aaron masturbates. Okay. Was that what was a shooter is the craziest thing you'll ever say watch this. Let's play that worse than gay That's Mark Norm. What are you going to do? Yeah. This is how Joe Rogan ends.

1:49:21 We don't do gay. I don't want to see that. It's like some hermetic text. Put that guy? That was a bad video. What? For jerking? Horrendous ending. you know, multiple times a week. We need an episode on the Colorado shooter's father, That's the kid? USA won. He was cheering for USA. JR. There's a lot of people that are angry in Iran right now. He goes, we did it.

1:52:53 They're confused. Trying to get something going here, JoJo. Really? Well, he wouldn't let me have liquid after 6 p.m. It would beep. But I don't care. But it's not even, I do it all the time anyway. You love the weed. but I can't sleep without it. Can't sleep without it. No. The memories, the childhood, the jokes, the mean stuff. Mean stuff. Mean thoughts, you suck, you're not funny, you're worthless, all that shit.

1:55:43 Significant weight loss has been reported So are those the only side effects? That's not bad. tardive dyskinesia. I'm drinking. Great room. That's what Kevin James told me when he was, he used to take the, what's the other one? She had a career. I want my dog in here. He won't choose wires. Kick him in the ribs. Is that a girl? He doesn't see gender.

1:57:48 Where'd you get that dog? Gave it back. I've never heard of a guy say it's not a rescue. Not a rescue golden retrievers. But it's not. That's all we want. What are you saying? He's trying to fill the air Alright Are you? Trying to hold something together. That's a new kind of workout. Does he? It better be. Yeah, that is true. already writing bits.

2:01:00 Yeah. How was it? Yeah Dickhead and they give a standing ovation to the guy that slapped him in the Academy Award. They don't know what to do. Oh, buddy! Yeah! That's how crazy those people are. It was a quarter. He was trying. That is a nice dog. what is this guy doing to me? Well, now the dog's gonna get high. That's great. Yeah, but that's what you say.

2:03:35 She's chewing something. He just goes, according to Jim. Jesus Christ. Try to watch one of those really bland sitcoms. It's so fake now. Is he growing weird? He's got a cowboy hat. That's smart. Come on, man. Made a career out of it. I couldn't keep a straight face. There's a scene And then he's so funny, and Joe's like, Joe, just say nothing. Andy Dick was the funniest.

2:06:46 Man, you are hunky. give us a moment, thanks. I'm fucking enthralled. No, it's watch. Never stops ticking. The chocolate's a It's like a... What? And it really flips, expazzes. It's a bromine content. What kind of dog was it? Pablo Escabear. It's just an airdrop drug dealer and a bear got on there. Boy, movies have hit a new low, huh? Why would you ever not be watching this movie?

2:09:45 And the guy's yelling at the bear. Oh, come on, guys guys It's the height of comedy I gotta see that We keep talking about doing like a fight companion for bad movies. We're having a great time. Tom Brady's having a rough fucking... That didn't break up his marriage. Who's that? Crypto fucking arena. They were talking about it. Yeah. He's telling regular people to be Galileo.

2:12:19 This is cheesy. These guys just kiss. It is now it is. Did you lose a lot of money? How much? This year. They're suing. This guy is just Everyone. Yeah. It's like the fucking guy back there. Right. I would go yay. What are you talking about? Jealous. This is weird. I know the people from Alameda decently well, We're not all under the same corporate umbrella

2:16:44 there. I don't live there Alameda was not there. I think he's really autistic. That had fallen off from something like 35% in 2019 to something like 2% this year. Yes. Are just gone. and they were all banging each other. Hey, that was last week. This lady who was one of them, she wrote on Twitter. is all flunky. I didn't understand one word. She was one of the top dogs over there.

2:19:54 Whoa! They're banging. Good for them. Yeah, man. It's the chicken or the egg. Where are you going? I gave him about a third. Yeah, obviously. Your dog's very cool. What's the announcement? We'll do three or four protect our parks between now and then. Excuse me. You'll get killed by an octopus. Maybe J-Mo. Yeah, we're taking chances. Keeping it real, dude.

2:23:16 It's rough. Who's the charger? It's just that you don't appreciate, you don't want to live forever. about recycling anymore. Yeah. Wasn't there a race car for Hitler that was made by Audi? that was like I Googled BMW and then I clicked on the wrong one as well. That's it, that's it, that's it. That's a dope little car, man. That's amazing. That one has the Audi symbol on it.

2:25:50 Your dog likes me, dude. That's why they're very white down there. That's fun. But for sure, Nazis made it to South America. Yeah, he killed it. So no one could claim the victory? Hitler and Eva Braun's remains were burnt in a shell crater Instead of shooting ourselves, Argentina. We got to just accept everybody for who they are. They're retired. Ah.

2:28:29 Such a scary speaker. Even Adolf. What? If anybody could do it, he could do it, and even he couldn't do it. Hitler loved Napoleon. And Hitler knew that. And he goes in the church of the notre dame and he goes uh build me a series of uh mirrors so i don't have to lower my head i still want to see his fucking So that's why he had a mustache like that. Damn it. Oh my god

2:30:28 Yeah, that's why the sequel happened. Part two on the Eastern Front was the worst of all time. They didn't know I guess Versus what, Serbia? You can't shoot him. That's how they used to march towards each other. in video games to World War II. Russia. You're like some regular person What's new modern warfare? What? Video games are dangerous. and whatnot oh that's insane different parts of the city.

2:34:04 Whoa. It's this? All right. But yeah, no, they're good for depression as well really cause depression in me oh really What's that subway surfer one? Yeah, you're always jumping over stuff. We love all kinds of enjoyment, but if you get enjoyment from a screen, what are you doing? decided that's better isn't that weird it's interesting same with a book you hold a book

2:35:57 and relax. And then we'd solve problems. And now it's a movie. I wasn't making fun of you. I mean, we have a- Jesus Christ. Shit. I got some new stuff on here. And I was like, all right. So your body's hinging. Front pocket? You have a solution. Just, you shouldn't sit with anything in your back pocket. Front pocket? That's Norman. That's what I'm saying.

2:38:48 Did you? Or some dumb shit thing With candles They're literally quoting you on a news cycle. Oh, my God. That's great. He definitely rules. Really? I don't know. I wish some bitch ass wolf would try All right. It was a lot. For some reason. I like it. breaking blocks like when I first started doing martial arts, I was skinny, really skinny, but I had these big-ass hands and feet. It's weird.

2:42:17 Oh, Irish potato dick. high-nish man like a fucking agree to talk in different parts of the world? That's still a little hang up from English. As soon as it gets scattered, it's going to be like Bitcoin. But if you want to use this one, I got a piece. That's a very good point. CBD worked. 100%. It definitely is good for you. All right. Maybe our dude maybe if you ever tried those to help you sleep what CBD like some CBD like sure see supplement I have actually yeah that does help it help, but it's not enough. I need that punch. I need a real knockout

2:45:15 and they're overworked and overstressed But it fucks you. Venom? To the death. How have you been booze in. We've been boozing a little this charts. Well, then Vulcan. Also boozing. go through something for like a month, at the end of it, you want to celebrate and you And then you take a week off, and now it's a new habit. Some kid's going to go, hey, look at your dad's talking about pedophilia.

2:46:58 That's what they do. now do they get shit from other people who don't like you not that i hear about all right that's Like you're making little human beings. Now they exist. I used to have a joke about that. Two seconds. Oh, yeah, and it's crazy you can do that on accident. Yeah About how you should be like one of them bad action movies where a president and the general have to

2:48:36 I went and looked in the mirror it wasn't great I know what you mean. It's killing me, dude. notes. It sure looks like a He's a weird fucking guy. It's mine still just going to this. According to Jim. of focus non-stop he loves yeah he loves it and he's he's great that's why he's so funny man yeah But seeing that thing, I'm like, dude, you're going to be walking real fucked up when you get old.

2:50:55 No, I disagree with that. You should care somewhat. No, man. I saw him going up and he didn't put I saw that. I watched him do it. I watched him the whole way. Yeah, it was bad lounge to the nice lounge You know, we make mistakes. What's more manly than living with pain, baby? I'll take the Percocet. You can't be fucking sitting on a giant five. That's a lot of writing

2:53:45 joke-writing psycho. You just miss all of them. has nothing to do with this. You can get there. So many complaints. very funny is that a documentary like he was just an ohio factory worker and somebody was like aren't Whoa. He's like, I'm all the way down. There's a lot of people out there that look like Slap. You're right. What? Did he get hung? He got a five-year sentence and he died trying to get a appeal.

2:56:49 I think legally, though, if you die while on trial, you're not guilty. But they try people after their deaths. You're talking about Ray Charles. Fake trial. No, what I mean, they try people after they're dead. No chance I'm like you I'm definitely not I gotta eat pussy Do with this what you will. Oh alright I'll be honest man Yeah, I was fighting through that crypto thing.

2:59:20 Jamie, what do you want to talk about, dude? Whoa! Have you done an ep? In the hot seat? No, not over there.. You get to bring it up, dude. What's Jamie bringing up? Have you done an ep in the hot seat? Oh, that's fun. I'm just switching between you two. Yeah, that's too much. It's not dark. It's beautiful. You know that car saved BMW? It weighs like eight pounds.

3:01:32 I took it to the shop just to make sure, and they're like, it's perfect. A BMW M3. Those are the ovens? Oh, that's a wrap. I love this car. You see that one? Great car. They're getting ugly with these big openings. Now we're talking. That's how they took the picture. That blue color. Now she drives it and I'm jealous. My. That one up there, that gold one's pretty one's pretty sexy Tesla came in and jizzed

3:04:50 Yeah. It's too much for normal use. Fitzsimmons would show up in his Prius I'm like Gregory yeah yeah that's that Listen, the sound's going off. Now everybody's engine shuts off at every stoplight. Burn the fuel. 2002. You drive around? That's important. Look at the stick jiggling. Does it go further down? They're raping me. That's so fun to drive.

3:07:23 Old ladies drove those to work. You're done. Yeah, not a lot there You get covered in powder I undid the buckle I fell I. I dropped. I hit the ceiling. How am I made with your brain? Maybe. That's a CTE tour. I watched a YouTube video on it. If you go over a guy's house, he's got a book on Thomas Jefferson on his front shelf. a Republican is like turning into a werewolf.

3:09:42 TV. Yeah. It's great. Oh, my God. Yeah, I get to see the Fox News commercials are the best. He lost his marriage over that pillow. And then an eagle and a folded flag all together in that picture. Is it real, Jamie? what the fuck's wrong with you, dude? Yeah, I cut my dick off. You could just walk in there and be like, yeah, I'm ready to suck some dick.

3:12:15 I'm like, are you anti-freedom? All the Greeks. More pleasure. That was an accident. Julius seizure. Roman homosexuality was not expressed with romantic love, but with riotous orgies. world that was way more common I think why do you think that is I could be fucked a bunch. I mean, for lack of a better technical term. in, like, more than a hundred You got a gay ass dog.

3:15:08 They've embraced my gay dog. Ah, skips a generation. Her mom was rescued when she was pregnant. Ah. Skips a generation. How old was she when you got her? Yeah. It was a big apartment. Well, the dog just loves you then. And she's like, what? Right after? You got a special. that dog loves you man Jamie I find it hilarious. Is that hurt? I had a great time.

3:17:45 Oh, you're showing your age God hates flags. What? I can't bring it up. Jesus Christ. Whoa, kooky. What? It's just so many Boston guys. guys of really funny They had to close the place down. You'd be like, I should just quit. Oh, yeah. And it was pre-YouTube. and they and they're like no no They were wild people, man. He's great. There's a great documentary

3:21:35 When Stand-Up Stood Out? and he made this documentary. They said it to me. Yeah, it's just, I can buy Coke. Yeah, but they sold it. coke every time I just want money man yeah it's just I can buy coke instead of three times Jamie Adderall's the worst. Yeah. Good point. He was on coke. He had a party waiting for him when he got off he ready rob williams though was on stage on it for sure oh yeah i mean you think tennyson was later maybe maybe later that's

3:23:30 That's huge True That he took out. And so he's like, what happened, man? Yeah. So he did his set, did what he wanted to do. Enjoying themselves. Well, let's go with that because it's a great way. His bits always had something to say. Yeah, exactly. I like preacher. You've got to be able to follow. never been done before. when I first saw Kinison but Hicks was very original.

3:26:47 Google Bill Hicks, young man on acid. Look at these ads. It said Dave gave him a half a van of cigar during the break. It was just that it didn't fit into the show's set of standards, said the late show spokeswoman Hicks said, the idea that these black. He's mocking them. He's like, Yeah, I knew that. you're constantly creating and you're constantly trying to figure out a way to entertain yourself and entertain people at the same time. And you're constantly trying to like fucking figure out a way to entertain yourself

3:29:24 And he would say that and just strut on stage like that. There was a guy named Larry Norton, comic on a Harley. But was it funny? And he didn't lose his timing. Comic-Con of Harley, to Bill Hicks. They're just like, whoa. all these murders on in front of them, He's a nice guy. He goes up. you know he just stayed in it Was it that one? and he looks around and he goes,

3:32:55 like, we should go, right? for like two minutes. We just started doing comedy. This is the cunt video. Oh, yeah, this is the bit. Right. Mock it. that's, were at the La Jolla Comedy Store and some old couple hey, this is just dirtier and dirtier. I was some young comic. The fucked up thing about comedy Right. We all are. That's nuts. Right, and then Warland. Holtzman. Holtzman Jezzel Neck. I was like, what the fuck is this? Right, and then

3:36:19 stand-up. What do you mean? You're gonna do it. 100% sober. The booze may be. Yes. Ride the lightning pussy In that green room. That's a new place. People can't wait. You said that. What? To the death. You're going to be like a take it outside policy. Oh, man. It's like Vikings. It's in the fucking alley. Get it out. brought his taser out one night and we

3:39:10 No. Damn. got close together. with your friend It's so fun. Did anybody ever seizure? Julius seizure? Like a certain amount of Tylenol Apparently not It'll be gone in a day. but the cows produced shit that fungus couldn't grow in. you'd have a mushroom harvester. I went to that place. Dude, I rode on those elephants. I didn't want to do it. Chiang Mai riding a fucking elephant.

3:41:56 I didn't want to ride the elephants, it's literally like a kitten and you're like, No, I was never one of those. It's crazy that they can do that. Elvin's painting. He had this house in Aspen. They just said some name I don't remember the name and then The fucking nonsense No. Did you look at the artwork? You're doing it. they had the books of this one artist.

3:44:46 That wasn't the main, but like this What Scrap What are you going to do for the next 60 hours of your life, Ari? I like Goya. Talk about the dues. It's like, is there a way that you can interpret that charitably? When babies get circumcised, a lot of them, they get You guys are doing a rabbi. street was great. What, Jamie? What the fuck is that? No, no, no. Jews crossing the street. Due to circumcision. That's the best. It was how many people lose their penises. No, no, no.

3:47:32 I'm telling you. It's good. Look at these guys. Hey, what are you supposed to do? No no no Those guys ruled When I lived next to the comedy store Man, Jews and marathons. That is so odd. And he's like, He doesn't even run This is all Matt does. So he has to It's a half marathon. it's 13 fucking miles it's a photo fit shits himself during race finishes top of category anyway

3:51:12 Shut up. You're a shit yourself. He shit himself. He got his moment in the sun. People are shitting themselves. Imagine if you're not from there. Somebody sponsored that guy I mean he won Is that kind of a nice analogy of life? Wait, it's happening right now. He probably barely shit himself, just a little, like Mark Norman did earlier. Yeah, it flipped and shit, and they just played backwards slow-mo.

3:53:51 Is this fun? I was freaking out for a second. Look at this log of shit that lands behind him. Yeah, it's like a missile. Don't watch our ridiculousness Good for that guy. I'm like, no, sir, I can't. so he would come up with a new way to shit every fucking day. It'd be like one drop. Oh my gosh. But we go into the bathroom. Oh, no. It must have smelled so bad.

3:56:46 If you smelled that shit, you could get high. You know, the heat would come out of it. And he shit on Or on Legion of Skanks. Yeah, he was kind of a legend. He goes, what the fuck is that? He's so crazy, dude. Ron and Fez was a great show. You did one. we were just watching it last night pull it up maybe Stern was before that That's Pat. Really? He ate puke that someone put Froot Loops in.

3:59:51 Eggnog. Maybe Voss. Baby Bird, it was Kumia. This is like Jesus. That's it. he's the greatest super diabetic you're not gonna beat that Yeah, there's so many. Yeah. that would be cool. You actually want it less clear. Too much. And I was like, you're talking about the baby Burr, aren't you? And then I said it almost as a goof. Well, the ONA vibe went through all of New York.

4:03:43 Yeah. because they had a homeless guy come on And I wrote a blog post about that before I ever even did go in. Yeah. Of all the people that should shut the fuck up A hundred percent. What? It just happened. after its topless female passengers drew crowds and stalled traffic, cops said. Yeah, Louis Black and Jim Norton busted. What year was that? You're right.

4:06:36 That's what I don't get. I shouldn't do that. You think a joke is funny, so they use it to be angry. away from us, I think. It got away from us. reality. It's just like, get off. Only negative. Talented people, like, you know, that can derail you. Gen Z dorks. The dummies in Germany, They just want attention. Yeah. Oh, fuck. They do believe it. You got me.

4:09:24 What did they say? That's cool. Okay. I hate to be that guy. That's a very good point. the way out, and that really helped me. I'm freaking out, I'm bombing, I'm flustered, Oh, really? a community guy. You check up on him. Thunderous. Yeah, it was. We watched movies every night. People talk about buses like, man, it's a fucking great time. I can't have a bus.

4:12:54 10, 12. It would be fun with five other comics, though. I mean, Joey was fun. Such a great idea. Okay, Joe. He goes, I haven't even drank today. My worry is that he's taking, you know, He's killing it. So much fun hanging out. Maybe. He's such a good dude that like after we did that Sober October podcast, I called him up But just invite him. Just resetting.

4:15:59 And he takes his shirt off, and it's the loudest pop that anyone's ever heard in all of comedy. It's like, I knew that. Taking photos, because they all take their shirts off for photos. By the way, the mushrooms haven't gone away. Yeah, we can talk about it because you weren't invited to the tour. He calls her a boy. He's crazy. No, that's just Ari.

4:17:46 He's different now. He is. He's back, too. He needed something. Oh, my God. Well, he was bombing so much. You know, it helped us. He's different now. night at the stand in the cellar. We would watch him do it I was like, dude, you can't not do that set. Pick it up. Do it again. It's already done. went on tour after he did HBO, There's no rush. But sometimes you're like a year later, you're like, oh, that's a better ending.

4:19:26 So it's easier to just like stop doing it. Yeah. It's a grind. You pussies. I'm going to give it He's the man. He goes, I'm done with this This is stupid No but on stage Empty holsters Kanye. It's on Amazon. What? Kanye has a special at the L.A. Colise you see, again, Kanye's fucking Amazon. It's on Amazon. It's the best concert. Yeah, he rules. These kind of conversations about all the shit that's going on.

4:22:01 That's the LA Coliseum in the background. Is that all smoke? That's great. It's insane! He's so small compared to that fucking place. Yeah. drugged him up and he got chubby? make things happen quickly. He doesn't do it. Oh, that was a weird studio. Right. Go back to the Matrix? The idea is if you're a person who sees where it's all and douse him. What?

4:25:35 Jamie, what were you doing? That's a good point. All right. He smacked her. Skin your kook and then a gentle smack. You guys just robbed a bank together. Yeah, just get away. How many people actually got away with bank robberies, though? Like if you go and get a makeup specialist to give you a fake nose. for bank robbery But you can walk We have a sport.

4:28:13 Dude, the first time I ever did radio in the South, I remember them bringing up NASCAR. in Raleigh North Carolina great club and then we went to the Honky Tonk bar. Do you remember that? And this song comes on, and everyone knows the words. It's like, I've never heard of it. Yeah. Everybody, yeah. There were scenes, too, like the L.A. punk scene, the D.C. punk scene.

4:30:00 Just dour and draining. Get some vitamin D in your system. I think the mushrooms The Fully Loaded, come to this every week. It's a big tailgate. Tires fly off, and they just fucking careen into the audience. Yeah. They're doing the F1 in Vegas fucking face. It's fun to watch on video. Tires fly off and they just fucking Oh my God, The ones I went, Oh, my God.

4:31:35 Oh, you saw that? It's before the guy dies. You'll like this. You can see the lights and hear this. Yeah. German and Japanese. They keep making the same thing every year better. They sold a 2001 911. Bronco went away. People always bought Broncos. I think Mark Curry What happened? A tree fell on it? Not to God, no. Because they're throwing soup at paintings.

4:35:12 like every piece. But they've had Do it at the fucking Tonight Show It actually makes me angry Yeah. Yeah. Would you have them on? They think they're helping the world. Well, they'll be doing OnlyFans soon. You know what I don't like? That too. I agree. Yeah, man. Do it this way. Makes you sad thing. And it's mental. It hurts your brain. Yeah, man.

4:37:32 You just switch up. Clearly. You're like, I'm not going to smoke this. Seems like it was in the ceiling was it in the seal was like electrical fire Look at that. That's when you have a monkey driving it and you're in the back. If I was standing next to that car, it'd be so She's having fun. Hood scoop. Fire it up. He said he ran in, he didn't know what to grab.

4:39:48 Dude, that house. Get the kindling. I forgot about that. What a fun time. That should be viral. Stan Hope? And I was like, oh, we can do this? He's like, fuck the clubs. Standing room only. We're going to film today if you have a tarp, We were good Look at that. I'm sorry, Doug. That's good. Troy Conrad. Oh, fuck. I'm so sorry. That's a text. I'm sorry.

4:42:39 Protect Our Parks Bitcoin coming next month. No one's listening. Seattle, the Moors just added. You did it. We Might Be Drug, Go buy You know what it is. Brilliant sketches.