Joe Rogan Experience #1924 — Andrew Santino Transcript

Transcript

0:00 The Joe Rogan Experience. Cheers. Cheers to you. Hans Kim. Yeah, Hans Kim. That's the first time I've seen him live. That's how he thinks. You know what? Why would you drive around in a bike that's, like, very important to get the fuck out of Yeah. It still looks dumb. Come on, son. Hans on that, that'd be sweet That is wild like one of the best in the world he's one of the best in the world for a long time even after that

3:20 together and then you know a couple guys that worked in production and one of the guys that was a stunt guy and we all were like hey she i don't know if she was with them or saw it happen. Fast cars, you have a little more protection. well what are you gonna do like literally didn't it didn't it's it was wild i was like this is and he didn't see it in time, and he slammed on his brakes

5:28 fender bender stuff because because I could see like I zoomed in on her eyes. Legitimate. Yeah. California this is not I don't think you could have done anything in this circumstance You're trapped. Everything's metal around you. If I had the money, I would jet pack the fuck everywhere. Yeah. I would do it. He was just chilling above the water. In restricted airspace?

8:50 And flying around That's so wild That's what I thought we'd have by now. It says it's really, it works. Yeah, dude. Does that company still around? And drones today, have you seen those competitions where they have drone competitions? That would be so dope in VR. These things are amazingly agile. Memorize maps yeah, I guess same thing. Well, this looks like he's following that light.

11:17 that was tracking like a tuna he was pulling. I'll try to find it real quick. I'm whacking the ground. Because you hit it so fucking hard. I want to see it live because Jamie talks a lot of shit. And then you're like, wow, dude, you're good at that. Right? When you see golfing, or we had this guy, Fedor Gorst bit of a chance? You're good. I won the first two games.

13:55 Something like that. He missed. I ran out. I forget. And then watching him play, like, holy fuck, man. It's a different world. It's just this smooth, effortless stroke. That's the same thing with golf. you have to be practicing eight hours a day for years yeah it's not just that i could pick up and Blam rack the balls just over and over and no and he has a hearing aid is he's deaf. He was born deaf

16:17 So you're playing 10 ball, but he's playing four ball. When they're doing it, they're not muscling it. Fuck it. But if you watch like Fedor or you watch like Efren Reyes, like the best of the best, they cradle it in their hand. but it's perfection. No, he's like not good enough Watch. Like he just knows where to hit it. Yeah, and when he plays, he shuts his hearing aid off.

19:09 They build this giant arena around this hole. That's just on the par three. See that? These guys did in Phoenix. So it's teams. it's loud again because they like there's no So people are screaming and cheering That was the most awkward chest bump ever. Don't fuck my cue up. Some guys have carbon fiber shafts. And then when you feel it, you stop. I can't help it. Come on, dude. on it make it swell you got to spit on that wood

22:34 Watch this fucking clip, Joe. You know what's funny? but this dude looks like he's straight out of Kansas. Suck it. Monday nights, like Monday night football event, they're going to have 15,000 people watching golf. You could, but people. Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, like, Team USA Yeah, maybe we can get some Filipino cats, popular over there. Efren Reyes,

25:24 have to actually give him handicaps. They give him spots. so they can gamble. I wouldn't say the 7 and out, but That means you could break every game, I'm going to run out on you, And you get like a number. like a local tournament, but that's against racks in a row to win this set on this guy in this like high pressure tournament in a row in a row I love when a guy can do that.

27:38 I know you're doing this and the fingers move. You will. Just from moving here. Oh, you run shit through a program? Shout out Chris Como. Like he he gave me actual lessons And he had like the greatest stroke of all time and his arm was like totally sideways A lot of those guys come over and start playing pool and dominate because they're so accurate because they're used to these little tiny balls and they're

30:25 But it's out here. Because the table's where his chin is. pro golfer who has a swing like But is he good? Yeah, he's good. Look at that. Look at how he falls down. That's an easy one. This is... That's just a 7-iron. That's not even a jerk. But is he good? Look at it on the right, Joe. That's the thing with a lot of things. And you've got to learn how to stay inside your technique and inside your mindset and inside like your your

32:30 Under sparring pressure. Most of the time you're better off if you have that as an option Well, yeah, well, it's, you know, like if somebody had lessons before, pick a style kind of stick to it and then tweak it over time because it just you find you got to it's riding a bike cliche, do you remember those hoverboards? Yeah. Mike Tyson. Yeah. He's going to say he was fucking around,

34:57 I just took my eye off the prize for a second. You might try to cover it up. is what it was. We have polished concrete floors. I got what's called an insufficiency fracture where it fractured at the top where my shin meets my cartilage. Because your body's not used to that kind of fall. And this is a guy who's a professional surfer. Fixed his shit fast.

36:43 Yeah, it gets scary. You know, at first, whenever you hear skiing shit, I immediately are like, what the fuck happened? Sonny Bono. I do not go in there. Yeah. I want to buy a Ferrari. You get some juice out of it. Because this is like a movie. Holy shit. How long was it? Okay. Wingsuit. Oh, this wasn't the one I saw. He's up there with a plane. What was your top one today?

40:13 I think, look up what... That's him. Watch this ball flight. 217 ball speed. Oh, my God. Oh, he just cut it, though, sadly. What? Oh, my God. Now I get it. It's all below. Tiger says he's got the best swing. you know what i mean like yeah yeah that guy's to make money and do well for the rest of his life, Yeah. The Cirque du Soleil Le Rev. it raise up underwater shift heights they'll climb up from one of the and acrobatically climb to the

43:58 seen. Oh, dude, every show It's your neck in the water. doing flips and shit too. you're like, these guys. Did you ever read Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers? They went back to Liverpool a couple of years later And so they're doing these shows Yeah. and you see one thing Whatever the beat is, they start just talking over it and shit. and he'll go in, listen to the beat,

47:43 That ability is incredible. That song's incredible. Still Nas telling a story like Nas would. His new shit is just like his old shit. Come on, son. When that song comes on, Simon Says. I miss music videos. Rub on your titties. whatever but would you mind and shout out to shout out to him because within seconds, Premiere was like, yo, reach out to him.

51:28 walk out. I want to see Godzilla anyway. So what ended up... This is it. I want to see actual Godzilla because it was so dumb. this is incredible and Premiere was like, beats he was like there's a I gotta he's like I have stuff that I've made that I don't have and who he is he's great and so many people have sampled him but they sample like even a word

54:01 I love seeing where the samples came from. Oh, it's a 1992 Godzilla? Okay. I've never seen it. Yeah, it came out in Japan. The dubs are so terrible. It's silk. Right. In terms of special effects, it was a pretty good movie. Oh my god this is so corny Dun, dun, dun, dun. And they're like, what is it? I go, it's about a giant gorilla. pant people thought that was like the craziest shit they'd ever seen.

58:39 does this look? It looks so bad. Yeah, it's insane. This is three years ago, but I don't know exactly if that's right. Godzilla's 500 feet tall. So this is the regular size King Kong. Oh, yeah. Yeah, it just freaked me out so much when I was a kid. Yeah, right? Yeah, dude. Sometimes the brain takes a while to get back. Do you believe in demons? Like what energy, where your energy goes is a really good question.

1:02:27 I definitely believe that. to say goodbye and i was like all right and i walked up there and like i felt this sense of relief because i was like oh the thing i Did you see this? They brought him out without a coffin and left him on display. That guy had the craziest past, Pope Benedict. Yes. Son of a bitch. Cut cut it out son of a bitch so the new one got

1:04:38 that's nice the 16th, Embarrassing the church not that this guy's fucking kids I just didn't like Their own rules, Can't do it. The girl who went missing is what I think my instinct is saying, but it's about a resident. So I don't know. like a kidnapping, and it's crazy. But also, the crazy thing is, you'd think if you lived in the Vatican, Did they work there?

1:07:23 And your family's born into it. so you're kind of born in it. He says he's got information on it that's going to come out in the book. Top of the thing. with so much and rightly so who doesn't know Yeah. I've had, and the priest made him and he wouldn't give in. Yeah. what are you gonna do they don't even lose their tax-free exemption i know nothing happens the

1:10:08 You know it is. continual thing i don't think you need a book i don't think you need shit you know alex gray Like he's a real, like really spiritual person. Like how amazing is that? Look at that. Look at this Yeah. as i'm watching that the whole time i'm like i know he's your boy i hope it stays this way i hope it doesn't shift into something i don't

1:13:40 She was like, this is for women to take back their empowerment. It all goes down to the same place. probably banging everybody back in the day. Don't you think? Savages. I think he can, what is it? I don't know was Was it the Catholic church then, was a dying language. it'd be a great thing to learn. it's got, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. The gabagool. Yeah. I don't use any, of course, there's no slang in it, but you can make up new slang, Latin. You know what I mean?

1:16:34 Strew your dell. There's two guys talking. Sounds Chinese. Sum 36 anos natus. Atque, quid etiam? I took two years in high school. What was it? and there was this one hot Puerto Rican girl. And she invited me one day to go with her and her friends You know, like that weekend I think I had a tournament or something like that. I'm trying to remember what year it was.

1:19:22 So I see them all eating and there was this table full of them She doesn't like you. She doesn't like that you could always do booty stuff. That's Catholic 4.13. Everybody's all butt fucking. Who does it? You can look it up. Jump humping. Jump humping. You can soak. I think they found the loophole, dude. but immediately with each other we just had sex once

1:22:13 you're just like. have sex when you're a fucking kid you're 16 because we weren't supposed to last more than Because there's a window when your hormones, biological imperative to procreate and it kicks in when you have no but when you see and it gets harder yeah science fixes all that shit yeah well they're they're developing the concept at least of

1:24:45 They're feeling the mother's stress. and your lifestyle schedule and the way that you operate has to influence the way that the- That's actually a great movie. Yeah, while the baby's in the womb. Is actually what it says They're fucking late Was it based on any thought? Right, that's why. They probably get it before we do, if anything. That would scare the shit out of me if they started making people in a lab.

1:27:30 Do you think so? and then now they're like, they found things that they don't know really what it is But who said that quote is what I was always confused about. if it's a drone that we don't tell them about briefing to the Defense Department on what he called off-world vehicles not made on this Earth. that was supposedly shuttered in 2012, but wasn't.

1:30:05 Yes, let's just go just for his look. Let's see what he looks like Like so we can make a... I don't know, dude. It's like a white power. Huntsville, Alabama? a white power symbol, this guy. Oh, Jesus. and I was playing the Huntsville, you know, whatever's down there. Drives by, seeing the outside of it. like yeah you know you know i'm not proud of it but that's where it is i was like so right there

1:32:36 and I asked him if it was still over there and he's like No. They bug your house. Get out of here. Oh, they're talking about the eggheads. And you're like, Just putting out a cigarette next to it. Yeah, it's dripping. I don't know. It's leaking. Who this is the never-ending art who's gonna believe you because then you automatically become like the I'm dead serious

1:35:06 but there was a great documentary about a retirement community in Florida. and he's baked out of his mind he goes don't come in here i'm gonna be jerking off So it's a high-end resort. And they all go there to party. That looks like fun. Yeah. We've got a lot coming up. is gonna be here this week I think He's like, I'll be there in three days. That's the one.

1:37:57 What is that one? Oh, dude, no. I was just there. Yeah man trying shit is nice You're my buddy It looks good. I was like this will be this you can feel it's something about certain rooms i came back here before, Just has a, there's something that guts of it. The whole situation was not ideal. He was in Rosemary's Baby Right. and took everybody to Austin

1:41:18 And then he up and took off and went to Hawaii. That's the guy. I was like, oh no. to it'll just be neat to look back and I do that's fucking wild I remember when It's good for you as a person. Mm-hmm. It's good Maybe this is the right move. Right. He's like, you must come to New York. West Hollywood was a long period of my life. So many road gigs around there too.

1:44:18 Yeah, it's gross. Dude, insane. I saw a video this morning on the internet of how it was like, it was in the Hamptons have nothing to doers this is exactly how they fuck with each other is that legal no fucking no I don't know. It's a very good question. Okay, we're going over here. because it's like i'll just wherever man we'll figure it out as we go yeah like it's just like

1:46:54 He was like, you want to see the stadium? He pays for miles while he's getting his permits and you pay for gas and all that stuff kind of planes like he had like years later he's got a plane he's flying around and so i'd go up i went up with him once in this They're just fucking floating at 6,000 feet. They used to happen more often, I think, but they definitely

1:48:48 Like immediately, you knew almost right away. Local air shows they always how many air show accidents happen Oh, tip top. Insane. All you have to do is, dank. Can you imagine someone accidentally fucks around? All four died? It's, I mean, just the... take you up in an FA 18. I think it was, it was wild. And you're not using, um, a, uh, a G suit. That's a lot.

1:51:49 It's kind of like that, where it's been around for like 300 fucking years. Gurning. But this is what the G-Force looks like That's great. World Professional Gurning. So tell me about your new wife. It's like, yeah. at other humans Yeah, it's the same thing Yeah. and it's one of my fucking favorites sometimes when you're done off a stage and you're Yeah.

1:55:09 I haven't found anything yet. Yeah, what did they do? His reply made sense, but it was not received well. all the court's nobles. but as you may recall, and probably had magical powers, Nichoos and St. Pinard say, I couldn't find it even. Got his way out of getting killed. in a more So that's Stancic, yeah, Jan Matejko. Right, right, right. queen you can say anything about anybody else.

1:59:06 to the other leaders. the enemy did sometimes kill the messenger as an act of defiance, especially if they regarded the terms for the release of hostages. Unfortunately for jesters, the enemy did sometimes kill the messenger of what they thought of the message. No, he said go fuck himself. that they would do throw it back at those guys. of the castle.

2:00:33 People died every day that someone you knew someone was dying. burn nick if you could imagine horrific ways that people died that one of. Sure they did. They probably did whatever they wanted to. Like, man, I'm freezing. Burn Nick. If you could imagine horrific ways that people died. That's awful. They built like a whole reasoning has changed so heavily it's funny you know technology they say it's like it jumps like

2:02:26 anymore. But now, we No, yeah, we're more... The drone thing's wild. the Chinese torture tactics were wild though. I mean, people would watch you get pulled apart and stand there. I mean, that's nuts. you fall asleep, you die. Pouring hot water on you all day long? Due to the bad hygienic standards in Chinese prison, this leads to the wounds becoming infected.

2:04:33 Yeah. Ling Chi. Make you not go to the bathroom. Slow slicing. Like, this was like, you know, this is them being like, Savage practice. Right there. No, fuck that. by this image of pain have you seen that family her back but apparently like they have the legal right to exhume family bodies something in the article was saying how like how late after she died i mean hold on what

2:07:35 her do New York Post exhumes grandmother So they pulled her out out of being in the ground for 10 years. People, they say in the video, are heard saying like, let the dead rest. Yeah. But if I'm not mistaken, in the article, it says that they say this is not illegal to Yeah, the family was in complete shock. That's what she looked like when they pulled her out before they put the dress on her.

2:09:14 Also, 10 years, still full head of hair? It looks like she's mummified. Is that why she's like that? HBO autopsy show Oh my, like after the fact? No, I'm good, baby. So it was like, you know, it was either like skin for new dicks or skin for vaginal reconstructive surgery and shit. Yeah, body brokers. Bro. Still rocking No Case. Fuck it. What are you going to do, man?

2:11:56 I always thought Bill thought of me as the sexy one of the family. Can they get to the point where they make a cock that feels like a cock to you? You can stop. their trans men, From a dead person? Yeah, why is that not? all the film is based on John's real life experience. Well, when they do that to Chinese political prisoners, We got them all, man.

2:14:18 That's the thing to you. Just program it to become a dick. products are made from human tissue mm-hmm right and it's things you might They were smuggling it in? donors shipping overseas. Medicure profits by dissecting Do you want to be cremated? What is that? Why do you want that? So this is a Tibetan Sky Funeral. I'm going to skip ahead to this 45-second video.

2:17:34 Those are people's bodies laying there. Burn me. No, fuck that. He was like, fucking cemeteries are bullshit. Do you think... Yeah, what's the no what's the one I'm thinking of the one near the four? That land's got to be worth billions. buried there like um right across from his house was But then they say that he shot him, right? But it was a.22.

2:20:11 Oh, well, that is bigger than I thought. Yeah, you're probably just curling it from the shot. Jolly West, the head guy from the CIA from MKUK Ultra, went to visit Lee Harvey Oswald after he shot, went to visit rather Jack Ruby after he shot Lee Harvey Oswald. Lee Harvey Oswald and shortly after that he died of cancer. Because they were like, oh no, man, he got cancer overnight.

2:21:42 It's an amazing book. He was Greg Fitzsimmons' most likely, and most certainly got him out of jail every time he got arrested afterwards. Great way to crack down on the hippies. Yes. I think that's his big book. It's wild. 38. 38, yeah. It says 435 out of 5,000. I want to shoot a gun, shoot something. That is so with the Ken Griffey Jr. card. actually that's like a scam.

2:24:59 Like, what are you wasting your time doing? What do you think about the fucking, the live golf thing? Some people love the preservation and the history of the PGA. I get it. Tradition. A lot of things in their fucking face and dunk on them the NBA can't wait to give you the footage they're like you can't win anymore in this Look that up. the pga but it's an alternative that's fun people like it it's not going to be bigger not going to

2:27:48 your fucking shirt well that's my point them playing for Saudi money well there's no thank you brother the Twitter Is WWE being so... fucking let them go play. at the, supposedly, that are funding Liv. going to happen if they have that kind of cheddar it's more that I went to one. obviously is the one that is the bigger deal is people aren't people are think it's an immoral

2:31:26 they're more mad about business interests. Uh, and he films both perspectives. like a guy who's like time, and Before they got paid out. A lot of them lost some of their sponsors, but I don't know if you need them anymore after 150 mil clears. you know, the guys who like golf. Phil. year olds have to do to get through in the corporate so that's a big advantage in going to a good school that guy and you might want to work in

2:34:19 Now, is this the general attitude of most people? But my dad's generation is like, that like you sailed in on. You could tell me if it has. Right. Every month is an enormous pay-per-view. Where's Kleenex? Yeah, where's the Kleenex? fighters to compete in the biggest organization it's like they hold tradition. They have like, it's- They build this huge structure that's

2:37:23 that course goes back to what it looked like. I don't know, Just without grandstand, How many people were there? Take a guess. There's a lot of boxes, too. Okay, let's go the 2021 waste management open crowd size. But that's the whole event. That's not 5,000 fans per day. Yeah. There's not that many seats there. Look at the new one. They have a tournament here in Austin,

2:40:21 is when they're here. And if you're a student you get cheap tickets Do they gamble? That's exactly what he hit at 12, which was awesome. This is before he went over to live? Yeah, yeah. Like they'll go the next foursome that's up right there's Phil I'll go back to what I said, dude. they like they because that's why you get that stupid jacket when you win that's tradition

2:42:10 You can't buy that. at the end of the day, of what they were. pickleball league. That's completely These guys are under contracts. And Dana White kept the fights rolling. why because it's smaller for the building. They decided to make a smaller, and then they decided they kind of liked the small cage Yeah. I think it's the same size as the one they use at the Palm.

2:45:07 I love you too, buddy. He broke his foot. It's called Liz Frank? Fuck yeah. The logo's on it. What does that mean? He's at 466 yards for the hole. i mean his son is the one to look for have you seen what is yeah i've seen his son son looks And that poor guy, he's had, like, addictions to pain pills in the past. Yeah, he's good. So he can do that because he can just deal with the pain.

2:47:43 You must walk, yeah. So even him? He's talking to us. They have mics on so you can hear the golfers talking to their caddies and stuff. He's walking... You can tell he's just walking through the pain. Oh, sorry. Mm-hmm. We say not bad. I don't care. can't believe you can walk in this knee. Yeah. Never mind run thousands of miles. He's still running.

2:51:00 Yeah. tear and I rehabbed it and I got stem cell shot into it but my dumb ass kept going back to working out like throwing kicks and every time I would go to Muay Thai and every time I'd hit the pads I just want to fucking torque my body and swing my hips in and tighten up my abs. saying like, look, you're too fragile. Your knees keep fucking up. You're never going to be able to

2:53:31 and it's all to strengthen the muscles around the knee and the stabilizing muscles of the knee, I do squats, like air squats and then weighted squats on a slant board. Because lifting with your legs this way, like a reverse squat, is another excellent way to Think about knee raises, but think about knee raises times 10. So, you know, I'm doing this with 100 pounds for 10 reps,

2:55:53 So you're developing muscles and it's phenomenal for kicking too, because the hip flexors and all Why don't you kick somebody? the way I'd want to kick them. No thanks. it snaps in half. But let's just say a guy wants to fight you. how much danger you're in A hundred percent. I know. Bam! If you had to do it. I just want to see you kick somebody. And it feels like that

2:58:47 fucking weird afterwards. They were always like something to break man's kneecap. Because he opens with a left hook. with a left hook? But I gotta be honest with you, that he's a NASA guy. They fall and they hit their head You don't want that. Guy kicked you in the face? They remember. or, My buddy was trying to be a hero, And then they started fighting and I was like, I don't want to fight these guys. There were so many more of these guys. I was like, we don't have to fight these guys. Do we have to fight these guys? And then they started fighting, and I was like, I don't want to fight these guys.

3:00:57 It wasn't fair. It was fucking, it sucked. Yucky. I don't even know if the guy lived. but I was always like, elbow, which eat with each punch, which you're closer to death. You can, you're not going to Love it. It's totally different. I've had some funny moments where some shit happened, Get back in there! So it was in the middle of this fight. Put it on the side and watch Ariane fall on her head. You know what this is Joe Rogan doing play-by-play of ice

3:04:30 Here's the bag. And Hany's in there. I have to make fun of it. fuck, you're fucking it up. But most of the time when I'm doing them, I'm trying to just do my best to explain what's happening and to give life to it. things because of who you are shit's going to continue to happen and things will continue Then move to New York? They remade House Party.

3:07:08 So who put this together? I have no idea. He might be still doing stand-up. out in march and then my netflix special so it's like the beginning of the year has a lot Maybe you move here. Well, at least in the driving, A couple hundred grand. He it's printed out somewhere in an article that he said the most he saw I think was a hundred G's So, yeah, I guess you'd, yeah.

3:09:24 Not on the radio, but... I think it Jeremy Roenick. That's telling this story We actually had a day off. It's 10 o'clock. And I'm like messing around. 36 holes of golf. Not the only time he did that too. Wow. Just stands out as the freak of all freaks. Like, I love, even though people hate Floyd Mayweather, I love Floyd Mayweather. I bring 10 more watches.

3:13:02 how much is that watch worth? what's true or not it's fun He's a big fella. He's not a big guy. He weighed in at 190, basically. 189, it must be 189. The fact that Floyd, obviously he's not nearly as skilled as Floyd Mayweather. but I think he still owes Logan Paul money. is like is it based on pay-per-view points we promised a certain amount you didn't get it

3:15:34 People go, what the fuck is up with you? And he goes, damn, what happened to him? Ask no more questions. No, dude. I like being annoyed. Oh, Well, I think, you know, look, the cellar's been really good to me, That's exciting. He needs a sensible friend. He does it in front of you. I'll hug my dog. His dog's going to be eating shit in a park somewhere.

3:18:24 You know she likes those wolves, fucker. I don't think it was her arms. What if a dog goes out and... Really? You know? No victims. Andrew Santino, I think we did more than three hours. It's fucking hilarious. I love you to death.