Joe Rogan Experience #1946 — Ari Shaffir, Shane Gillis & Mark Normand Transcript

Transcript

0:00 The Joe Rogan Experience I'm here alone, no sunglasses Yours are cool. Ours is in Key West. Good show. So you got home and wrote? When I just get off stage. Come on, pussies, get in there. I'm all right. No Shane in that. Oh, grazie. Second wind tour's a great name. Second wind tour. For that, It's wasted away again in margarita. Convertible? It's like it's passable. Can I get the

3:03 If everything goes bad in Texas, you move to Florida. And Key West is the last of Florida. It's over. There's a small club, Key West Comedy. Spend a week there. The people there must be just so fucking loose. Please, can you go to the sidewalk? You go to Hemingway's house? What's Hemingway's house? Yeah, it's pretty neat. at 4 p.m. Please ma'am. Please. Can you go to the sidewalk?

4:32 Like that kind of deal? That's where I killed himself. Yeah, he was in war. There's a part of that that's annoying, where he's like, I'll fight anybody on this island. Isn't that funny? Some guys are intellectuals. Yeah, he wrestles. He was a beast, though, wasn't he? He looks like he wears a unitard to the beach. But he got laid with his next wife.

6:08 What do you got here? That's all we have to do. I do fucking hate parks. We're flying down. He's like, what time do you land? Hang out, watch the canoes roll by. It's sinking in. Go to the park. No, I've seen them in LA. Well, they were attacked by the great wolves there the gray wolves and them are not related So the coyotes, when the wolves were killing them, they would have more babies.

8:42 You hear it when they get something, they all like. All of a sudden, What a pussy. Jumped over my fence. Toosh, over the fence. Look at them. So this is only within- It's pretty crazy. You thought he was on the street? Yeah. It's like a giant wolf, that's a roof. It's on a roof looking over Oh, I thought he was on the street They're like neighbors dog people up. Yeah, theyinas kill his neighbor's dog. They fuck people up.

10:57 They don't see very well. It's pretty fun. I shot one of those in South Texas They really look like pigs. Crazy teeth, man. Yeah, that's what their teeth look like. What the hell? And then 20 seconds later in a bush, you hear, uh, uh, uh. That was a mating call. And they just know not to eat you. And they tell you to keep your windows rolled up. jagged. She gets grabbed by this

13:27 So she gets out of the car. So that lady gets killed. But she's the one who gets killed. Oh, you can't hang out with mom. So that lady gets killed. That's got to be the last way you want to die. She'll get out of the car. I had a girlfriend fall on me because she said, if I got out of the car in the rain, I thought you hated me. I go you told me you wanted to get out of the car. I was giving you space

15:09 It was just like, come on. Goodbye. She's like, don't take that. She was into, like, intelligent music. Some pixies or some shit. Like, you know, I like ice cream, too. They fucking rule. kick that hornet's nest. Just mad. What the episode was. That was the whole episode. And they're like, wait, no, job? Fuck, I'm British royalty? Which is crazy, because don't you just get free money?

17:38 Yeah, what about the countesses? What do you think a prince gets? Yeah. Turn this the fuck off. I was like, I put on Braveheart. I was like, you're not even Irish. So I just did it yesterday. I put on Braveheart. What do you mean? They had bomb-proof cars. I was like, this is wild. Molotov cocktails coming through. The freckles. Keebler's donating guns.

19:51 You can call them Everyone has the With a Chiefs tattoo fight any man. And I go, Them and the Scottish, even the British, they all go so fucking hard. They know how to deal with the fentanyl shit like we do. Karloff. That was the thing about him is that he partied. His hair's all fucked up. But he's not their guy anymore. When we were over there, the lady had just quit.

22:00 Well, we're the weirdos that have the bombs that we've launched. Yeah, and it's also, we have free speech. Guns. celebrities come out of America worldwide? But like Jackie Chan, Bruce Lee. Dr. Ken. They lease them. That's how it starts. I wonder how that really works. Yeah, send a message. We got them hostage. Have you ever seen an eagle look straight on?

24:11 We should have had the turkey. It was like a pit bull. I don't think so. It's just the rapper. the guys that come from Cuba, Eastern Bloc countries shut the fuck up. Yeah I love how like And one guy in the town's like why is the air glowing and they're like get him the fuck out of here where the water gets disturbed. Are you alluding to something? Here we go.

27:11 Yeah. Because these things happen all the time. Sometimes when I see a lot of stories about the same thing, chemical spill, nuclear spill, Interesting. And you're like, oh, they're coming every shooting at a Seattle bar. They start telling you about all of them. Interesting. They do false flags to get people to panic, Everybody has to fight. It's funny that people don't want to believe that.

29:29 Shut the fuck up. Yeah, they sanded over all the skate parks during COVID. Bob Lazar. What do you think? The way he's described it is like it could have been a doll. A lot of jerking off. We were doing this just an Ecuadorian tradition. We're gonna ruin that in Ecuador with that. Oh, yeah He said it's the faggiest thing he was talking about how the people behave

31:49 Yeah, pull up Nixon's account of Bohemian Grove. Wow. San Francisco is gone. in the entire nation. There's video footage of it. It was a long-ass time ago. I heard about it from Alex Jones. There's a whole, somebody owns an island? He goes, no, because if they ask me to get in the tub with them, If you just think about it, Yeah, I think about it every time I whack off.

35:01 How long before there's zero privacy? You can't lie. That's terrifying. Well, this isn't fun. No some people want on to me. Some people want that kind of relationship Do you want your dick sucked or not? Come on, bro. Just like at dinner and shit. I'm not good with the dirty talk. Yes. Some people pretend to be the UPS driver delivering a package. No, we're not doing that.

38:11 Not the role playing, but I would feel stupid dressing up as a busboy. Then you just take it off right away. That's a good role play. That was fucking crazy. I was like, I'm just going to keep bringing it up. Not with you two cheap fucks. Mark's like, it's free. I'm gonna get shit to go, bring it on the plane. It stays in your head. Hotel soap? Lava?

40:11 Smell hot. And you know like there's certain stuff like certain soaps He survived it. I can't believe you said that. Until Trump decided to go down there I'm denying it. that they were transporting those chemicals Let him pee. You look like a police drawing of a pedophile. I'm always just happy I think this episode, The Jews had a good time. Whoop, go right here.

43:02 Yeah? I love it. It's like, you don't like leaving the fucking country. It's like getting in a cold plunge. You keep talking about it. Look at all those guys in the background. That guy's got a lot of guns. I'll go back. John Rourke, who's fantastic, blue line moving. Where's Don? What? Oh, okay. like a bedazzled MAGA hat. we got drunk and they're like do you want to come to mar-a-lago i was like yeah i thought they were

46:15 And he lives there. Yeah, he lives in And everybody, look how beautiful. It's got to be a golf course. It is Yeah there. See a baby being led away from sacrifice. saying your flag couldn't be that tall Yeah, you had to elevate the ground. Just seeing rich people. And then just a ridiculous hat. Yeah, you never saw Reagan in a hat. George W. from Connecticut?

48:45 Yeah, he rocks. They all rock. Reagan. Oh, is that why you cried? I can remember when the Vietnam War ended. That was long. Yeah. I was drinking on the plane, and while watching this, I drunk texted my uncle who got wounded He was a forward observer for his group. See it all. No, his last name's not Gillis. But then I was a little buzzed. I mowed them down as they advanced.

52:00 He said, I was the forward observer, so my job was to keep artillery jet strikes and gunship fire raining guy on a porch? Spooky! Nine killed in downing of Spooky gunship. What a terrible fucking dumb war. That's like what we were talking about before with false flags. Lesser known fact that Jim Morrison's father, Captain George Stephan Morrison commanded the carrier division during the Gulf of Tonkin incident.

53:48 Yeah, he's making the music they're playing in the fucking helicopters. A lot of shit to deal with and a lot of drugs. By the time they got to Camaro 71, they were already fucked. 69. and suck in the 70s. Yeah. And they didn't 2002. But that's a car that could save Beamer. Yeah, that's a great, great old car, man. You need a cool car. Kanye, no, this time we don't have to cut it out.

56:10 Yeah, he was fine for like two weeks. Really? He can spew out, he can rant for hours. No. Exactly. Yeah. to like he winds up dances around it According to the internet. Less than two weeks ago, it was revealed that German sportswear label could lose up to $1 billion in revenue as a result of the split. a fucking billion dollars. any more that was the last straw yeah they said. What was the tweet?

58:53 This was 10 years ago. What are you talking about? It's been a minute. Yeah, we did that. Look at you, you have little gauges and shit. Oh, you're gonna do it out of a balloon? These are dark days. I need to know because I'm considering doing it. I take it back. You get them at head shops. Temporarily. Wouldn't it be great if he was hilarious? Whoa, he's gone!

1:01:41 It can be both illegal and dangerous. All right, I'm back. So what happened? You were on a planet about it. All right. No, I'm going to light it up for somebody else. That's true. That's going to fuck someone up The use and abuse of the inhalant is growing. I'm not doing that shit. You got it down. Can I do a halfie? A major enabler of Whippet What do I do? I just inhale?

1:04:16 Numbness, trouble walking, irritability, fatigue. Wait, hold on. I'll come with you. I don't think it's Deny, deny, deny. Scary? I'm not doing fucking either, bro. That's way better. Next time. We got it here. These suck. Yeah. Let's do Coke next time. Yeah. That's way better. That's crazy. I was just joking. So you didn't like it? You didn't get enough in.

1:06:25 Hey, hey. Whoever came up with balloon knot was nailed it. I've been out of here. They sag so hard. It's the worst. Let me change some laws. Homer Simpson's mouth. I had hemorrhoids. So it was like, you guys get out of the way. Early Skanks. When the asshole winks. Hey. He was like fucking Forrest Gump, dude. He was everywhere? and then he went back to vietnam and saw it and was like oh this is all of them all of my problems

1:09:36 Like his calf got blown off. Was he a drug addict and whatnot? And he was like, oh oh of course I got wounded He's a pun machine. Ironically, that's the name of the guy who shot him. Apparently, Vietnam is one of the most amazing places to visit. getting away from backpackers. and then finally he just said, I have to come clean. That Ken Burns Vietnam, though, is fucking wild.

1:11:55 Great for flights. Bon me. Bon Me. I would never do that. No. Yeah. What a Hail Mary. But you got to try it. Blumenthal's words differ from history. He was running as a war hero, and then- He was a guy who said he's part of the, not the And? No, Lincoln wasn't in the Army, was he? It wasn't a country. The gays, they know what they're doing. It's a weekend party there.

1:15:09 For a billionaire, it's pretty handsome. Have you seen billionaires? I think Elon's better looking back in his time. West Point. Dude, you guys know I went to West Point. Or, like, at attention. Jesus Christ, dude. Yeah, they were like, nice. Yeah. He's like, what the fuck are you doing? But could you imagine your kid wants to be a comic? I know that. Here I am, it's $15 a spot. She was like, oh, you can't live on that. I know that.

1:17:22 I would talk him out of it. Oh, no. Everybody wants to say His new balances would be kicking in the air. No, yeah, that's not the issue They brought their friends Oh my God, it's hilarious. Can't do it. No. You got to send him some TV stuff. How recent? Two years ago? Has he seen you recently? No I will Nah, I'm bringing it back. The only one they understood was SNL.

1:20:07 Two days later. Like that world. I thought people would be upset. Hey. Don't do it. This is a cool indie band from Guatemala. Doing whippets. Is this that song? Seizure in the Jungle is a great band for whippets. This came up. Don't do another one, man. I'm worried about you. He's going to do another one. Keep going. Keep going. Put your headphones on so you can hear it.

1:22:36 Yeah, you like it. 71. They rule. Yeah. You've done three now kids champ this shit pretty easy. They rule. Oh. The rest of it, I mean, that doesn't seem... Steve-O does rules. It was great. They fuck their bodies up, too. Yeah I mean The whole job was Yeah like this won't go Punch him in the nuts. You don't. So unnecessary. 100%. Do whippets on pods at 74.

1:25:59 Pretty good pho? French bread. Like some sort of Tabasco on it or something instead of like sriracha. No, then you fall back down immediately no never did that no oh Figuring it out. Yeah. That's just being high as fuck and also in Vietnam in the middle of the war going, what Whoa. What are we doing? Yeah, no one did. Because I'm like, oh, I'm going to stay here.

1:28:38 And they had to hide it. Like a bad hang? Because he was starting to see like, oh, this is fucking pointless. God, you hope not. That's kind of a nice term for what happened. Your uncle's smart. I came around on Jackson. His wife, have you ever seen this? Patrick Mahomes has a wife that's just wild. And his wife's up there like, you thought you were gonna beat us?

1:30:23 Problem is, they keep Especially when the FBI people are riling things up. My BLM alarm. Oh, boy. Agent provocateurs. January 6th? Yeah. Yeah. They do it with everything. Let's get some guys in there to protest violent. Agent provocateurs. Jalen Hurst. They'll get in there, undercover cops, start fights, and then the other cops are going I wanted to see what it was about.

1:32:14 They shut that shit down. We're just going to make you look at us as you go into work. Yep. It was some blacks. They don't even understand what that means. They're like, what? What's the top 1%? So I was off by quite a bit. I think we're doing the research, I think. The average of the 1%, which means you can still be the 1% at like $400,000. Oh, wait a minute.

1:34:52 Well, for the rest of the world, we're doing fucking amazing. I remember an old video of Rogan on some, like, before Tough Crowd. He goes, if you take 70% of my money, I'm going to kick your fucking ass. is to redistribute the wealth. They work hard. You've killed all the incentive. Wow, interesting. The way you do that is by more bureaucracy, more people that get paid to redistribute the wealth.

1:37:15 You've got to go to the source, though. Fentanyl and living away. It doesn't really change. Yeah, you're not gonna fix why he's mentally ill right? Except the occasional tent they eventually clean up. I mean, real estate money's going down real quick. Who brought the eagle? Who was it? Who was it? He was like this very creepy right-wing guy. imagine him wanting

1:39:32 What was John Ashcroft's position? Those guys were fun because they were the bad guy then I'd be like rap is out of control She was into that? I was like a stairmaster These guys are like, you've never heard music like that before? Rough Riders, roll. after Vietnam and then he He'll be out in his garage like benching the fucking ghetto boys. All right, do a bomb.

1:41:59 It's 30 seconds in and out. Don't give me that look, Joe. Jojo Rabbit's You tripped. He was gone for 10 minutes, but during that 10 minutes, he had three months of another That was legal everywhere. They missed You would buy it. It was pure from a chemical I can talk about it. It's dimethyltryptamine. You've got to do that next time. Holding back. Everyone's holding DMT.

1:44:02 Yeah, I don't know how you're making it. Looked over at this girl that I was doing it with. Molly and I ate a bunch of them. The only problem with mushrooms is you get a bad trip Oh, yeah. This is a lot of drugs he's taking. He's fine. He can. Fuck yeah! What did you say? Now, ayahuasca, my friend goes like twice a year. House in the burbs. Ari doesn't want to live

1:46:53 York. York. There's no room. Come. Fuck yeah. Mark, you have to fucking do it. We have all of our inspections passed Can't wait. Don't worry. Ari, you think you're going to stay in New York no matter what? London, you cocksucker. Dublin would be sick. A lot of good shows. I saw Shane at Town Hall. It was very nice. I wasn't going to say it. Saw the network people were hovering.

1:49:49 Suck your little slice. It just looked like they were sucking the youth right out of him. That's a cold punch. All right, Goggins. Fuck yeah. Because they're a cartoon... And I was like, who is that guy? Yeah. I go, yo, I'm a big fan. That's it. Nobody's got it. Yeah. You said shit on the airman. You're not South Park. Isn't that wild? Yeah. The guy who put them on the map, they eviscerated.

1:52:14 Bro, that Kanye Carlos Mencia episode. Please get it. They're on TV. No, no. It was a Christmas card at first. Ited in like a Tarantino movie. Was it HBO at first? No, no. It was, what would Brian Boitano do? This is the original one. And Sharpie. They're the tip of this beer. They're just coming up piece of paper They killed Kenny It's shitty because no one bowed down

1:54:53 like this is a spoiler they go hard Yeah And they turn it Yeah I go too dark. And they never age. Not only gets too old. Yeah. Mr. Shave? They've been on for what now? This has been my whole life. It was Colin Quinzec you know to dress it He was like, industry, if you got it right half the time, Imagine that. We might or may not have done mushrooms.

1:57:45 We definitely did not because those are not legal. We hand that to Big J. Come on, J-Mo. You know who's underrated as a bro? He cries. comedy club yeah I was trying all my tactics. America! It went south. That was actually, it went north. It went north. It was pretty fun. It did go south. Actually, that was the first time. That was actually, it went north.

1:59:31 Nick is. More sets unless I don't believe it. I believe it. That's like competition like doing someone else's podcast is like competition Are you three beers in here? You gotta wait till it kicks in. Freedom is the only way. Try not to say anything to give me soup. All right, I'll be Rogan on the pissing. Hey, you want Freedom Burger? An ice cold bong. Hey, I'm going to piss. Try not to say anything to give me soup.

2:00:55 Mancia was right about him. The Harrisburg, Second Street Comedy Club in Harrisburg. No, there was no announcements. I started to pitch and the master was like, Yeah, as an intro song in comedy. I don't want to fucking do, hey, maybe that song. Oh. Why can't we be friends? Oh, shit. This is catchy. That's fun, right? This is not too serious. This is Fat Pat. Oh, shit.

2:03:25 Yeah. And then Wonderboy came out to fucking Tenacious D, Wonderboy. Tyron Woodley and he like I rarely watched UFC yeah and then Woodley Tenacious D Wonderboy's the man. But there was one point. There was two great fights. What? thinking like, this guy's wild. He's a character. gave the fingers. Epstein. he's fighting Epstein. And he was like I thought you were saying he's fighting Epstein.

2:05:16 No. He's got two minutes left. You're like, he's walking towards him like a fucking horror movie. He wasn't his own man yet. That's a good point. Leon, the slap and the straight. Well, you showed me some Jalen Hurts stuff. True. What music does Nate come out to? California Love. Walk-out music's important. Could you play it? What is Tupac? That was the fucking bad motherfucker. Moskvall. Moskvall. Which I wish they hadn't done. I was at that one. Whoa, which was pretty sick. That was the fucking bad mother fucks

2:07:49 To feel like a fan, see? What did Anderson come out to? That's a good one. He died of COVID and everyone was like, he's alive? Yeah. Pacino. It's like a guy whose body's destroyed, and it's like you keep on using him. RG Me. It's such a perfect song. It's like a guy whose body's destroyed. Boy, you pulled out a quick game. Probably. There's no way they get it right.

2:10:13 He goes, there's no jazz competitions. Yeah, that's right. It just ruins. Oh, yeah. You're killing me. These guys would be Who's that guy on the right? I don't know how to open up my throat, but this guy just sips it for a while. sides of versus there's like a movie there's a movie where it's like and it was two female cops Oh. Fucking beating up guys

2:12:55 They do it No way My buddy said he was like on dating apps or dating girls at the time. getting choked and spit on and stuff. Yeah. Some guy in a trailer that was like, I'm going to beat the hell out of you. J-Mo loves it. It hurts. Yeah, there you go. Give me a fucking budget. in the entire country. Federal authorities and the Department of Labor announced that a federal investigation

2:15:51 Can you imagine being 13 and you're From December 2021 to April 2022, clean machines used to cut meat. Tough kids. Look at this. They're like, here you go. There you go. Get in there. JB's over there spinning dizzy. Hell yeah. Just go pee. God damn. It's big. Little knots in it. Yeah, he'll show it to you anytime you want. I'm not showing anyone that thing.

2:18:55 Oh, she was a squirter. I felt like I was on duty. She had grandchildren. I had a hard hat on. It was wild. I like when they don't tell you Zero? Yeah, who doesn't pee in the shower? You let it run down their legs like a dude? It's pretty hot. It's uncomfortable. Love a good juice. That's crazy. It was very obvious. It's so beautiful. No. I said sell at 45

2:22:14 I thought it was a newspaper pissing the streets Just wherever. Yeah. I'll tell you what, if I was a sex offender, I'd be like, If I was a sex offender, I'd go, I was taking a piss. Someone commits alarmed or offended. Notice how they say his act. They say genitals, but they don't be offended or alarmed by his act. I knew you would be alarmed or offended.

2:23:53 Interesting. seesaw and me and Egan oh it was so funny I was like, concentrate on that. you're sitting. He was there, that's him. The Fibonacci sequence is not what it's cracked up to be. It's going to be fun. Yeah, it's ridiculous By the time I got on stage, I was five people in. The crowds are awesome. You'd see a dude's life just get destroyed. And then he would do exactly that.

2:26:54 Some guys, like you say Terry's is the best. Although you're still holding it like there's stuff left in there. I went to see Seinfeld in Boston. It was like he was just riffing. always want to know I'd be like, We can do it now. they're attracted to. Floppy? Jew globes are the best globes. Big Jewish flmer. What about great floppy Jewish tits? They're so good. Floppy?

2:28:53 Underrated. I love the honker. Character. What are you talking about? Is this your bit? No. Natalie Barber, though. Of course she was hot. I thought about her. She had clear skin and a disgusting face. Go left one. You don't think she was hot? Same girl told me to leave the fucking white snake tape behind. You don't think she's hot? lady. No. She's hot, dude.

2:30:25 You pretend to not love your people. God, I love Sarah Jessica Parker. I loved her. Doesn't matter. That's horse face. I mean, look. that's a hot woman. They loved it. This is crazy. Wow. The redhead was crazy. Yeah, they dated. Hey dude you gotta take off Yeah Being like alright He led away in chains That dude did real time Yeah he did Radiohead concert, I remember. Did he really? Yeah, I remember being a kid and seeing that headline and being like, all right, that's

2:33:03 Yeah, that's- You want some? It's Uncle sending him more fucking stories. You got a good Vietnam look. The Jew Bear. Oh, Jesus. Berenstain. Berenstain Bears. The Jew Bear. Not a lot of Jewish fighters anymore. Where does he live? Yeah. One of the best in the world off his back. That's all that matters. He hasn't fought in three years. Cyril Gans is a freak.

2:35:12 Jon feels like he's in his prime. He's a fun-loving guy. That gut would jiggle. What do you mean? He's a light heavyweight. Yeah, a couple fights. Still wants to do it. Look at his accomplishments, his record, defended the heavyweight title more than anybody. Yeah. Chido's the man. Talking about why he trains. He's like, if I see a beautiful That's why I see a beautiful woman.

2:37:18 He's fighting in San Antonio at the end of March. it's called? Yeah. And they're like, why? Cheeto. 135. Let's fucking go. I'm rooting for him You don't even deserve that bong with him once it's a great fight technically it's great fight do they do fighters talk about other Yeah, they definitely watch each other. There's a lot of guys that'll do that.

2:39:31 Yeah. so you submit. he was like, Yeah. If I choose to fight you, you make a lot of money. Chuckie Stevens thought he had it. I don't know. He can talk. Are you kidding me? No. Obviously, Conor's the fucking man. regardless of belts or any of that shit. Still to this day. He said that shit to Nate. You know how much In-N-Out I can afford already? I say it every time I'm at this table.

2:42:58 it's a good one And who do you put that coffee? breeze past it you're gonna make a hell of a lot more steaming right now you're gonna make I wiped my with that money. See what happens. It's like morning radio. What kind of money do you want to make? Say it like it is, Nate. Connor is like, that's funny. Mission accomplished then, right? Because when it all comes down to it, it's about survival.

2:46:37 nate yeah Nate? Yeah. How do you think this, you can get the UFC, the NBA, or the NFL, or should it even try? Why do I have to do this? He's done. Are you able to build enough anticipation to compete? And I said, Nate Diaz, you shook up the world. Very technically. And also, yeah. There's too many things involved. I think if someone tried to invent a 10-point must system today for MMA, people would think it's too limited.

2:49:24 He was landed. So the second round, ifski in the second round. The problem is... He was landed. as well. That's why the 10-point muster pounding on him in the last minute of the fight. But Volkanovski dropped him in the second round, but then Islam got a takedown but didn't There's a real score. I need a real you can say i think he did enough he got the takedown he landed that one good punch and

2:51:12 So how are they both 10-9? And it was like It's not everything. So how much of that counts towards the round? That was a big fight. Yeah, Islam went to Australia. Oh, before the fight. So if you take certain PEDs, you can flush your system out with an IV So until then, I don't know. It's annoying when you think somebody won, and then they're like, no, somebody else.

2:53:33 Yeah. Who's that fucking Wow He was born there. He was born in Spain. it's like just the looseness that comes with that. That's a good fucking crew. He's good on pods. Jesus, man. That's gay. Whole crowd ruined the show. They were like, do a Chewy. I was like, I'm not doing a fucking Chewy. Whole crowd ruined I think I'm going to get peer pressured by a bunch of fucking

2:56:12 That was the end of the show. Oh, my God. That's hilarious. Nate is like, America, motherfucker. Do you think I'm gonna listen to you fucking loser? How nice is that against fucking at that way it was so nice it's funny that a date says I don't sound like that None of them are fucking, like, jacked, but they would kill everybody. Let's see some fun comedy.

2:57:34 Still haven't peed. They didn't even talk to each other. And then I looked like a fucking loser. Meanwhile, I was like, come check it out. First year of Brooklyn Naked Rose was like, what the fuck? Sorry, that was mean. I get the most. and it's like, what? That's comedy. He looks so much like the cavity you look. Oh, boy. You know what's stuck in cavity search at the airport? Like, wait a minute.

2:59:38 That's a female privilege. You gotta wait. By the way, those suppositories, I'll be honest, they feel pretty good. You're sad. What is it? I went with ICP What What is it? There's a whole thing about a politician's daughter at this Calgary Stampede. So it's a girl who goes to the Calgary Stampede and just fucks everybody? What? From that video and that picture. Whoa. That girl's a beast. I think'm like, oh, dude. I had to fucking sleep it off in a bathroom. Wow. From that video

3:02:11 She started doing porn. Congratulations. Everyone's going to remember that one. Elon, get her back, dude. She might have gone QAnon. A goddamn basement there. It is pretty flat. There is a basement there. I know there's a goddamn basement there. Mmm. I probably could. I don't want to waste this text. And he goes, can you get me one of those throwback jerseys?

3:03:57 Tesla, Twitter, SpaceX, Shooting loads right now. I think he's up to 12. Yeah. Now, how hard was it Clipped. Ari's never having They're like, people Yeah, I'd like to have a kid. Wow. Who? Da Brat. We'll see how that turns out. Yes, that's a tall blonde whore. It might have been. Yeah, look at it. Yeah. no she's kids fine kids amazing i saw her plane i saw her plane to myanmar i think

3:07:27 It's good. Their fun is your fun. This place is great. Kids is better than raves. Bandit's not fine. Black Twitter went nuts. By the way AIDS got cured What is it? He did our podcast and he was like We had the cure forever. Let's just release it. Michael Che had a good joke about that. Where they're like, I have seen those. in the middle of it being like,

3:09:21 actually, I'm not gay. So this is like a pill That sucks to get that. Come on. He was pre-planned. If you're on PrEP, you're fine. Yeah, maybe pull that one out. J-Mo N-W-A-D-A Remember you used to There you go. My dad was right. Oh, right. He's that guy. That's cool. Oh, man. Yeah. We all think that's how we feel. When people stop doing it. Or maybe even a special or two.

3:12:56 and you're like, I guess this is life now? I mean, No, you. We're not even fucking. It was going on in New York. You were doing the street in the stand. just like, as soon as anybody comes, I did hyenas in Fort Worth early, This is scary. The problem with me is that I did podcasts. No one did that. Did everything we needed to do in terms of getting shots.

3:15:17 Everyone was like, Schultz, Michelle Wolf, I can't, can't. I remember we were going, this is I think that shit's gone, dude. I think it kind of did. No, it made everything way worse. No, I think people got crazy. It's over. Go be funny. Go do comedy. Go get laughs. Tur's their whole personality. So dumb. There's turtles in the fucking river here. Go have a fucking walk. Go be funny.

3:16:14 I go, oh, turtles. That's fun And he jumped off a dock And he just jumped in? Florida? Fuck that alligator. I saw his body floating face down He failed, but he went for it. Look how they do it with his arms. and it would always be you're walking your dog, I'm going to eat you. She was like, fuck that man whose baby died. Why were they saying fuck the guy whose baby got killed?

3:18:59 Yeah. They're huge. I'm glad a two-year-old got eaten by a fucking reptile. And all these local comics were boycotting. No one who respects the art. Well, you get clicks off of hating that person. Yeah. You'll get a dummy fan base. it's just all the same I stand with France Go volunteer to girls' school. We're going to talk about this. You're an Iblis.

3:22:00 Iblis. Whoa. I can use a little more buffalo. According to Shane Gills, you are. How about that one missile they missed? Where'd that thing go? They missed the balloon. They missed spy balloon. Fucking spy balloons. What do you think those balloons are they're shooting? How about that one missile they missed? Yeah, they shot a few down, but they missed one time.

3:23:04 Where'd that $400,000 Tomahawk missile go? That lady's the worst at that guy there she's that job Like, not really the news, just trying to gotcha questions. I love it when he was like, you're rude. I wasn't thinking. He keeps going out there. These dudes try to come at him. That's a tag team. You're like, oh my God, you're a robot. He was a man. If you got a union guy with stickers on his helmet that's like fucking saying wild shit

3:25:59 No. if he was in the show tonight, He's organic. He goes down in history like those guys from Australia with sunglasses. he going to be in jail? He's a sexy guy. Good behavior. Oh, yeah. Hang him up. Did anything ever happen with that? Didn't he also not even? And dudes that are like alt-right dudes are like, no, you're a fucking fed. And they hate him. He was saying, it's a trick. It's a trap. telling people not to go in. Really? Really. And they hate him.

3:28:21 Yeah, the governor of Michigan. Oh, like 11? 12 FBI informants tricked two dumb guys? They planned it all out. And the guy was like, he's an FBI informant. Haitian voodoo. Crazy how many times people have done this. 112 months in prison. You know, if he said, hey, you want to meet him, I'd go, I don't think I'd meet him. Where's their podcast? The FBI informant's a fucking idiot

3:31:27 What are you talking about? Attorney General, you raise a good point. One of the individuals was familiar with the Sears Tower, It literally was like fucking Look at this. couldn't afford their own cameras, so the federal government bought them the cameras. But in the list, they didn't include any explosives or any materials which could be used to make explosives.

3:33:29 I can't believe I have to piss again. Plug? Mark, man, congratulations. Mark Norman, where you at? We're all over the place. All right. Look at these rooms. I'm really kicking through the mud. Look at these rooms. Bad people dead inside. That's pretty neat. I don't know any of this. We're doing one in the Giant Center in Hershey, PA. No. We've got to come up with a dumb name for it.

3:35:33 What's the number? That's it. Get N2O Cream Chargers Don't forget your crackers.