Joe Rogan Experience #1947 — Chris Distefano Transcript

Transcript

0:00 the Joe Rogan experience He gave me a beautiful pair of sunglasses, like with like rose-colored shades. I'm just going for it. I've said, you know what? Enough's it right and i've went i've went a little crazy and i'm going for it i'm just and i feel good about it now i feel centered centered with who I am, but it does feel like, It's a glow up. You got a fucking bracelet on, too?

2:41 Netflix special's doing well. It's like mind-blowing for me. He did it at some iconic venue in New York City. Like, he had to make a song called Y'all Must Have Forgot. And a lot of times we think about fighters as who they were at the end of their career. I thought it was a very good fight. legit when I saw him knock out Tyron Woodley I'm like that is a fucking

5:21 I love sports and stuff, but I'm not into, Nice. that, you know, Paul and Fury, the fight outside But did you know whether who instigated the fight? It was wild there in North Beach, you know, little Italy. but I came out with chocolate ice cream he goes I don't like chocolate good for you kids that grew up in the foster care like you can't just like ignore that as an issue like if you're gonna the amount

8:33 damaged maybe they don't have the right psych medications maybe they're off their meds you know this is where we want to be. They don't know like the accomplishment of like doing a thing and make sense if everybody had a mom and a dad and they grew up in a house where no one smoked crack You'd be a lot different. Bro, I was driving through a street in Fresno, and people were walking out in the middle of the street like, what the fuck are you doing driving here?

10:58 um and vancouver i just went to vancouver that was the one where i was like i did not know that Because New York, they're spread out, They will break in. And I saw about four or five windows busted out, which you cannot leave anything in your car around this theater. You cannot. They will break in. Well, what they're doing right now is not working.

12:22 You watch those five guys beat that man to death recently And that's not their fault in a lot of cases. I mean, we can go through that and talk about carry there's a lot of like so there's no consequence of people coming after you it's not city always felt like. And I was like, I never felt that once in New York, but now over the last Like, you just grew up in peacetime.

14:49 and in America my dad's like, believe it. I was like, no, I can't, I can't allow you to take her. She's like, what? It's, I'm your mom, has happened yeah so to deny that it's happened would be that that's ridiculous yeah there's You know, what's really crazy is like Giuliani cleaned New York City up. So, anybody, so Okay. He said, but his beat was Times Square. He said, now, if I went in to Times Square and I grab a group of kids, pat them down, they have something.

17:41 areas for certain reasons. He was like, that's above my pay grade. He said, but when they stopped that stop and frisk, he said, the reason, the thing, what's happening, at least in New York now, he said, it's we'll know that somebody has a gun or a weapon. Unless you're raping, murdering someone, then I'll intervene. I'm going to touch you in front of everybody,

19:12 and you're going to act differently in order to try to stop the cops from doing this to you. of what the issues are. Shout out to T.T. hilarious he's a uh like a super power lifter, body builder type character. Don't throw it anywhere. Oh, my God. But that's what I'm saying. When I got there, it went up and down my esophagus and made me gargle. I just took a big quickie. Give me a quickie, Jamie.

21:53 Yo, you know what's crazy about that? All right, here we go. He went back Anejo tequila Thank you. No, what's this for your whiskey? There you go. Yeah, dude. You've got to see this dude. Dude, by the way, I just saw... You have to, right? That's jujimufu. This dude is balancing on a full split with, It's fun. I think he intermittent fast. Life changed, bro.

25:09 shout out to Brian he's got hair like Lance a lot I was 255 pounds, didn't even realize it. Like my family were all laughing, probably seen stuff like this before, but now that my eyes were open to look, I started taking And let's see what happens for two weeks. and then it starts to go. And then at 10 a.m. I'll get a notification the next day, Now I'm Chrissy Intermittent Fasting, but then I think the glasses and the watches from the fasting so well you

28:27 Maybe she just doesn't want to put pressure on you. and I just worry that you go too hard, you thought you were gay? Go hard or go home. worry He convinced you? Well, so it gives him the get out of jail free pass. That's the move. and he said, no. So he kind of gave me the confidence to move forward and say, you're not gay. And she'd be like, honey, like, you know, rubbing my chest.

31:42 Because I think if I was gay, then there would be less worry from her. That's what I'm trying to say. we start over, Jamie. Well, I shower with them every day. Same thing with the watch. He's like, do you know anything about watches? I was like, I have no idea. I was like 20 grand. He was like, you just picked out $1 million worth the Royal Oak Santino has one of these

33:49 i said you know is it okay to buy this watch he said this is a new chrissy huh i said yeah i'm i'm Do it. It's like I instantly put it on. and I was going hard. off this elliptical once you hit your 45 minutes you're going to get off you're going to go back of comedy. And when I put this watch on, something like teleported me back there and was like, dude,

36:19 myself i feel proud of myself for for letting comedy get me to this. Good for you. I feel proud. You've got to fix things systemically. You've got to fix things systemically. And everybody who works for a living is playing the game. For some people, it's a nice guitar. me, he's not doing anything. What does he do? Works for sanitation. Yeah. DSNY. Shout out

37:54 The full quote is actually more eloquent. And then you go and read more of Socrates, and then next thing you know, you're, like, reading his books. Did you hear that, by the way, with Idaho? There was another place where he lived Yeah. Why the hell not? Jamie? No. Seriously. Yeah, when you let them sit for a while, they lose a lot of their potency.

40:38 Yeah. And this is in Newsweek. Attending another place. He looks a lot like him. Yeah, they pulled him over, But as you said, could be stuff before. So to the point where she has never done this, I can't explain it. I'm creeped out all this energy. I'm creeped out creeped out now date with ted bundy before he had committed any murders or he had committed murders but had not

44:52 She said, you know, based off when all his crimes were exposed from what the FBI said when she went on a date with him, let's say it was 1978. Dannemora, who like that Showtime show that they made. people. He killed maybe one or two, but there was other murderers that just got away with it. And he was basically a drifter, and he was traveling across the country murdering people.

46:44 Because we found a knife. I think now they think Okay. In prison? you couldn't have possibly but he would cop to it and then the cops would be like he did that like this guy, this actor, I think it's kid is literally like phenomenal and then and then I'm watching 101 He was also in that sketch show That guy, it's based on a true story. This guy, the guy, the hottie with the body, he gets convicted 10

50:15 They got to get him to confess to one of these murders because they found the girl's body because he's killing kids like 14 year old girls, like brutal shit, raping them horrific. But he was in a minimum security prison. And that's what the show's about. I've been looking for a new show. make Ronald DeFeo jr like a little breakfast and his little you know they had like little um hot

52:14 He was like, good, I feel good. So he's like, there's no rehabilitation for that man. that's how I get to heaven. Yeah, there's people that are just not wired correctly. for agent provocateur Like you can't say, like settle the fuck down. The American justice system is the best justice system in the world the fbi is the top the u.s You need to be trained and it needs to be a position that's difficult to acquire that

54:47 In the military, they're constantly training. you have to train people in order for them to be able to respond in high pressure situations so you 100% you should know how to defend yourself with some bad policing. Yeah, yeah, Germany, they, as the kids say, came out the pocket. There was a German man who lived across the street from me, like 98 year old guy.

57:21 Right. Or did that become that? I support that. The Holocaust and all that came very quickly a couple of years later. If you told someone in 1855, hey, six years from now, you're going to be a civil war. in my neighborhood. So I know one thing for sure at this rally, they had excellent Linzer tarts. It was horrifying. There's always been protesters.

59:47 Look how thin everyone is. what are the odds they're going to be thin? The guy has no pants on. No, yeah, he's just fully If you look at all the people, like, none of them are obese. No, none of them are obese. Which is, look at that. The guy has no pants on. There's mentally ill people. Secret Service, whatever. Did Churchill and everybody say, okay, now we got to go in.

1:01:29 am spewing is disinformation and i'm like there's pictures in video there's pictures of japanese And if you look at the trend, everything is going to a less violent, safer place to live with less crime. It's like baked into people. scenario you put us in the scenario of war it's like a program that just gets activated in our It just hasn't been activated by action.

1:04:10 if i should because i want to get i got one spin on this planet i want to experience it all yeah with someone like Dr. Carl Hart I have so many friends I would worry. to pain pills or drugs, I'm going to get mad. wild like i don't your brain sees might even see the color red different than i see it's fucking in that at all. And me thinking that it sucks, unless it actually does suck.

1:07:00 One hour. no, it's right there. So I got, There's photos of me in the 2000s, early 2000s, wearing fanny packs. the 1975 but they're my favorite band like okay, okay, here's what happened. This band, a lot of girls like them and gay guys. I love the 1975 like you cannot believe. Spotify. So you can just play music here. The song's about weed. Chocolate

1:09:12 Not for everybody, but I love it. That song specifically, I have no idea, no rhyme or reason why. i know the lead singer of the band doesn't think i'm funny at all i'm like i still fuck with this band good for you and i don't care and and my friends make fun of me all the Yeah. Those are the two. Joey Diaz is a man I need to meet. good friends with Joey Diaz.

1:11:42 when the club's opening up soon. He's the best. Gwen Stefani and I'm not trying to be funny a young Barbara Walters And that they believe Whitney Houston to struggle with her drug abuses because she was a lesbian. feel like I'm doing these meet and greets and I'm stealing these people's money and I hate the way here's the thing. If you're an artist and you're doing meet and greets, right? Whatever you want

1:14:43 where it was hours long lines I'd take photos with people. I would do it at the Chicago Theater where it was hours-long lines. because they want to meet you and they want to take a photo with you. and I hated myself for it people talk you into it But not doing the meet and greet, even though it's less money, I don't care. I just think worry about being the best you can on stage when you're up there.

1:16:29 you'll go on tour for like a month. over the world I don't I can't do it I do weekends yeah yeah go out on the We try to watch movies together and do stuff together and play together. It's beautiful. I was talking to Louis and I was talking about how my daughters and my stepson are young right now. I want to spend time with my kids. Louie's saying this.

1:19:04 well, now you've missed the opportunity for that hour a week to give you and you weren't home for it well now you've You got to think, where am I going to live for the majority of my career? You can't stay up there for long. They, you know, they go too hard. They're out too long. They're gone too much. Right. Do you think like that? When you get that iPhone photos of all the different fun times

1:22:18 like it changes how you are as a human yeah raising children and seeing them become adults and seeing them become these Well, you know, I would be a liar if I said that it happened instantaneously. And I think if you're really thinking about the numbers more than you think about the other stuff, you're taking away bandwidth that your mind utilizes to get better at stuff.

1:24:04 Just do the best you can at podcast. like there's no faking yeah yeah like it's not like you know you're not counting down the minutes Yes. No, no, no, for sure. whether it's doing stand-up or whether it's doing commentary or just being a friend or being a I feel like you listen to Sadhguru, you listen to Marcus Aurelius, you listen to anybody. Yeah.

1:26:48 Or to me. I would be, you know, uh, five pounds into a weight loss program and see somebody being Chris, because you're comparing yourself to an unrealistic version of you, a perfectly in the real realm exists in the physical realm, not in the social media realm. and blah blah blah blah blah and then i got off of that i didn't see anything at all ever except

1:29:38 She's not on Instagram in fucking Sweden. But I guarantee that's going on all over the world. Oh, my God, yeah. And it puts makeup on women. that's doing this is better. And if you i'm wearing no makeup right now this is all a filter and it's just scary because there's a lot that lady, what she I never met Steve Jobs. I saw that. So that's what she really looks like.

1:32:48 I hope my children don't kind of fall victim to this? You have it. the kids have it like maybe let them have experience in it and maybe they're advanced than us in terms of their ability to understand things okay it's a profound shift in human consciousness. And these kids are going to be so much more advanced than us in terms of their ability to understand things.

1:34:04 The new road is social media. The new road is interconnectedness. by the work of Graham I think we're relearning how to navigate life. Yeah, the fucking homeless guy that beat a guy up when you gave him ice cream. They could write a whole routine for you Like, I don't like this, so I'm going to get off of that. Some people figure out how to use it.

1:36:57 hanging out. I didn't even think I was doing anything wrong. And he sees me and he's like, He was like, just I'm your father. your life, 99 out of 100, great, no problem, all good. fall into when it comes to addiction they're so fascinating they're so fascinating yeah i was I don't want you to know that stuff. And I listened to him, and I don't have that gambling thing now.

1:39:42 It's like a thing in your mind. And it could lead to something like gambling So I hopefully with comedy. And I feel like I did understand that in my 20s where like, you know, in the movies, the I want to be an astronaut. So you see what dad does. and I don't want you to have that. It's all these things. He said, why do you want to do that? He said, you're losing the whole point of this.

1:42:39 Stop it. Stop doubling or nothing. Well, it's just fascinating that he sees those patterns in you. I'm so sorry. And we're back. I doubt you have the prostate hyperplasia. you're like, what's going on over there, man? He would be, if he had power in medieval times, But thank God we got him here in Austin. Tell me that is not medieval bloodthirsty prince face.

1:45:04 Oh, my God. A hundred percent. Dude, Tony. Yeah. He would hurt you. He would from the kingdom to the north. Yeah. Oh, my God. Yeah. He's the creepiest. but he said the acting is so amazing that it's almost like throws you off Irons, right? Jeremy Strong. guy he hates the one percent corporate so-and-so douchebag he hates that guy so he plays that guy

1:47:13 I mean, I really enjoyed doing the sitcoms, Right. my mentor, 35 years. He started comedy in 1984. Oh, 38 years. And don't worry. like what do you enjoy you enjoy comedy right yeah that's why we all got into it yeah we enjoy it the adrenaline And that's why my dad's advice, I think, is profound when he's like, hey, with the Radio City shit, he's like, the goal was just putting one on sale.

1:49:53 In passion, the money always comes second. I did it because I loved it. He's not going to dunk a basketball. You know, uh, we were, we did the Creek or rather the, um, uh, Vulcan last week with, Right. out so you can get in yeah you can't just get in like that i gotta take people out i got it in but comedy. He's got advice for every situation. You could come to a situation with Ari and he's been

1:53:06 Think time, time heals all wounds. He's, and also, he's also experienced like redemption with this Blocks by Neil, because they're thematic. I'm learning and laughing. struggles that he's gone through and all the different things He did ketamine therapy, which is wild. This is the Chrissy list. No. Shout out Netflix. So people recognize the patterns?

1:56:51 they played the cool fucking 80s music, you know, the actor who played Jeffrey Dahmer, I don't like that. okay but the word fuck is not okay? What do you think, what's the cause of it? We are Christians, so we're going to burn your flesh in front of children. Well, I think that there was some now scientists today think there was a possible root being

1:59:35 I think it's just supposed and it makes sense to people. How much evidence do they have? well whatever you want but trains around in Ohio Mickey Mouse voice it's like a it's like a big They're going to push it through. We need this. And now that they just yesterday, they said that COVID was leaked from a lab. Scroll down a little bit. My normal voice is low.

2:02:50 I was watching a video of this guy there. What are they telling you? If someone was trolling, imagine being that guy and faking this. Is it a long-term thing? And what happened was one of the bearings of one of the wheels apparently fucked up. Well, we don't know about this stuff That's what I think about you know be it because as soon as you do concentrate on these things

2:06:09 So this chemist was saying that he didn't think I'm drunk. and uh right here on this podcast i maybe because i'm high maybe because i'm drunk but i'm i'm i'm In real time. I would say I'm 75% straight. You want to take me to the club. you want to take me to the club, you want to take me If you'd like me to leave the room for you to discuss That's what I'll say. Am I wrong about that, Jamie?

2:08:24 Until you become a girl? Well, not to become a girl, but to say, you know what? Have you seen? How long do you go? Until you become a girl. Have you seen this, Jamie? But a lot of things that people do don't make sense. will usually improve your options National Review. See, here's the troll. I feel like, what was that in? What article? National Review.

2:09:43 Trans-maxing. with the blonde hair 100% Don't you think that? the increased use of technology and the incorporation of it into the human body which seems to be inevitable and then eventually the It could be like this weird nature pull towards that direction. this society that we live in the way things are created there's all these factors that are that can fix it, do you think that people would allow the use of some artificial form of

2:12:57 That sounds so stupid. you know like what you just said, profound, 100% on board, on board the whole way. The society did not care. Your sexual proclivity did not matter at all This has happened in history hundreds You have notifications set? Off the bath salts. whatever you gave me. Jesus Christ. Am I hitting this I can't get rid of them. Because it sucks when it hits you, but then afterwards it's really kind of exciting.

2:17:24 Right now? Yeah. I'm a. You think I'm going to be okay. Right now? I think I'm a fraud. Literally everybody I've ever talked to has it. that you have, like they're a different thing. Like, no, it's just me. Oh my God, I'm a fraud. It's natural. Total, Well, like, you know, but I swear to God, I have that thing. And you really want to do the best that you can with your act.

2:19:28 interesting ladies and gentlemen I feel that way too But then they'll be like be clapping sometimes standing up and clapping and I'm like saying I'm sorry to them and I always wondered That's what I feel. And people get to a weird place. you have so much potential And you could ask that. you gotta change your mindset thing that drives you to that is like a dominant force.

2:22:33 And you try so hard to be good at standup because you want the positive feedback. that you've been in your life right now yeah i think right now it's the best i've ever been Canceling people for jokes and fucking around with the way reality is being perceived. And that's what I do. You know, don't go to a Taylor Swift song, complain she's not doing Led Zeppelin.

2:25:04 And you can break it is. It is what it is. And you can I'm talking about- might be a little younger than me you think you take down jaco no jaco's a big fella he's a big 55? Thank you very much. Jamie says that's the goal. Jamie needs a vacation. himself to be the greatest producer of all time. You have Caitlyn Jenner. He interjects. Hey, babe. Okay, now people know who he is.

2:27:50 That's a good move. Share me in the eyes. Jamie is unusually intelligent, and I said the last time you brought me of a young John Travolta. I want him to shave his head. I want in your life. Dude. How dare you? Jamie's got Bitcoin It's very positive. One of your security guys was taking a shit. how you doing? he'd break my neck. you know what? He knows his experience, but he's got control of it.

2:30:36 sleeping in pure darkness, I always see a ghost or a poltergeist or I think someone's wild. Apparently he Dude, this is the overhydration show. guy I follow, Athlean and I've been doing this and I've been seeing results, So you get an ignition set. So he says what you do then, that's your ignition set. Boom. You stay in that efficient rep range. because there's so much information now.

2:34:15 Everything works like the people that want to do high reps were just guys that get super jacked on calisthenics Like, they're load-bearing with their arms You know before you even think about doing anything I don't know if it would be good for you. Immediately right beautiful thing, you know and my dad's wisdom because my said, you know, him and my mom divorced, right?

2:36:21 dating one of my best friend's fathers which as as a 15-year-old boy, brutal. Oh, my God. dead and i'm like you know like horrifying oh my god and so anyway so this this guy who's dating what's going on right i i shout out i don't i don't know what's going on i don't deal with this I'm a kid. I said, yeah, remember that guy she was dating? I have psoriasis.

2:38:47 Just do me a favor. Going back, playing my video games. Hide the gun. That was, I just did your job. Oh my God, I forgot this scene. He pistol whips him. Yeah, he pistol whips him. Oh my God. him getting beat up my dad did just not with the gun but beat this fucking guy's face in oh my god I'm 15 years old. like that's why I call my comedy tour the right intention but the wrong move my dad's intentions were protect your mother but

2:41:19 You're responsible for protecting your mother now. Very anxious. So you can learn from a bad example. his intentions on it were not always the best, but as a, you know, Those fucking people were hard ass people, man. And I got a Twitter and I was telling my dad. you got everybody talking, you're going to have a big problem. Trust me on that. And now we're here

2:44:55 And to say it's true what he said, it's true. Right. Right. just fucking Catholicism pounded down my throat by my mom. And so when I got a girl pregnant out He just like is like, whatever you want to do, Chris, I support you. So he said to me, when I told him, I confessed. We're going to have this baby. My father's first words out of his mouth were congratulations.

2:47:57 Yeah. It's a great combination for like a balanced view of the world. He goes, here's what we got to do with your mother right now. Oh my God. was four or five months into knowing her, that's amazing yeah dude right that's a great combination, man. See, and that's what I love about, you know, I have a stepchild, and I was raised half by a stepmom. I can transfer it to my family. But being a stepfather is harder than

2:51:05 better person like it seems like you're really concentrating on that all the time what would Jamie, have I earned it? It's good for people around you. Get a Labrador. Right? He's so sweet with everybody. Everybody that comes great with kids. I have a golden retriever. He's the best the best dude, right? those glasses, dude. I don't think you should be ashamed of that.

2:53:10 Doxons. dog needs to be put down my mother it's my it's like a second son right to my mother she's not Okay? Peacefully. The vet says to us, The vet convinced her. I'm upset. Time's going on. Now we're at a minute. Now we're at a minute and a half and it's a long time. And it's about two minutes now. Vet leaves, comes back, white as a ghost. electrolytes into larry the vet says don't worry i have the right medicine right here larry will

2:56:59 like the right medicine. I signed that paperwork. Oh, my God. Might have died suddenly. I don't know if she was rabies, but she was a vicious dog. Her name was Josephine. Hilarious. They do shit sometimes. best guess. It flails a little bit, even though I'm trying to get myself in shape. Freeze your tits. And there's a bunch of really solid experts that can do that for you now.

2:59:52 I really like BPC-157 and some other stuff that I take. I take a small shot of tests every three days. I've never done it when you decide to do that just inject it. Is that a blood clot issue, though? Like what's the disease? Well, you should definitely find out. I'm sure. according to the Zero Fasting app, and this is 30 on the dot. Right? with me and Joe Rogan

3:02:54 we do the bath salts Jamie needs a vacation Fort Myers, Orlando, Jacksonville, May 5th, Buffalo. Joe, thank you so much.