Joe Rogan Experience #1966 — Big Jay Oakerson & Ari Shaffir Transcript

Transcript

0:00 The Joe Rogan Experience. It's called Holy hell. And they kicked him out and sent him to Hawaii. and he sits down and he talks like a guru. and then he's doing like a push-up. Oh, he's just, okay, doing workouts. Yeah, he's You've got to realize this guy started this cult in 1981. Like that's how he attracted all the guys. even Charles Manson they always made it out to these young pretty hippie girls. When you see the pictures can get a really good cult going but you're everyone's not going to get the well even charles

2:53 She's the actress? I think she got out of fucking him because she would recruit the girls and brand them. She was an actress in those old Falcon Crest type shows. I didn't get acting to do this. Yeah, but is it a good career if you're like take a Lorenzo Lamas? Oh, he was gorgeous in his day. He's with for a while. He's with a playboy girl or so. Oh, yeah. Yeah

4:32 when he's looking forward, I've never heard him talk. Maybe. made himself wealthy by sure yeah because it's a ponzi scheme on top of the sex thing it was most fuck me when I tell you to. Negan in the Walking Dead you can fuck three chicks and instill you want to bank the guy who worships you his wife Like, I can't believe I sat in that room and waited for him to fuck you while I, you know.

6:28 the girl can do anything. Yeah, there's always been daughter his daughter would always talk about how great her dad was and he was super involved in friends into a sex cult with each other. There's a little bit of that in there. Like heterosexual men started fucking them Apparently put his ass on the line. and jacked. and he put on Yeah, yeah, yeah.

9:00 Yeah, if you stumbled in there first of all. Take Studio 54. Yeah. Hey, wait, wait. Yeah, wait, I don't that doesn't make sense. They all come from yoga classes At the time, I can do it. I think both of them started fucking girls in the class. This guy, they would call him the teacher. Jaime Gomez is on the Canelo Alvarez undercard. Okay, so he changes his name.

11:28 So, you know, so hypnotic, right? he puts them in a meditative state and he touches their forehead he tells them that when he touches The beginning looks amazing. Let's get out there. They all meditate together. And so he sets up shop in Texas. He starts the cult in, like, 81. And one of the things he starts doing is fucking with his face. You are God.

14:06 That one, the dude who fucked the whole family in Utah. afterwards when they're out they always say that same what line of like i know what cults were He found out he was being hypnotized. Yeah. And he would put people under. Here's my concern. Maybe some people you can do that, too Said this is essentially in a level hypnotizing Present autopilot I'm on the right road

17:22 While I'm driving When you drive Too dangerous I'll just like honk next to them and so they just start going I can say, text Big J. Go fuck yourself. And Soder just goes, suck my dick. I've never texted Anthony Cumia ever. And the ones for the sauna, they get cooked. know texting greg could be anybody like yeah yeah it doesn't know what the fuck you're saying And so if I do that, like, hey, Siri, call Ari Shafir, it's like, you know, texting Greg for 10 minutes.

19:34 What are you saying? Do you think perhaps that Anthony Cumia is gay and are you gay? Yeah, yeah. Or are you being insulting? crazy this full podcast of me having podcasts of people that I never talked I mean, it's four right now. I can't remember what it was. I'm not going to remember. out what it is like a fucking evil well first of all they nailed it adam curry doesn't think they

22:34 Curry MTV original VJ huge tech guy. He's the fucking original podcaster. He's the pod father. He's number one No, she stops herself now, They talk about it. how much do we know about what these other companies are doing? That's actually a function. It hobbles it. If we didn't know, if this whole thing with Edward Snowden didn't come down, we would,

24:58 on anybody. They don't have to have warrants Look at that. DNA in the city that you couldn't like uh don't say gay bill never really says don't say gay in any of it yeah that was a misleading of the United States or its citizens. And instead of just being able to just talk like a nonsense person, you get jacked. What what if you impacted in a positive way?

28:36 So what if he says the crypto is bullshit because he believes it? The problem is the way that's, I mean, obviously I'm not a lawyer, I've never made money digitally. Okay. TikTok is diverting our elections or TikTok is diverting our economy. They're not're selling it as TikTok is doing this. TikTok is subverting our elections or Yeah, like they've listed using a VPN

30:32 Imagine they're going to criminalize VPNs. This is not good. Yeah, I don't know, man. that's a conversation people should have. Obviously I'm an idiot, but all that stuff seems very vague when they're reading out In the beginning of pandemic where people go, you know, I don't know if these fucking So then it was, we think that you can still get sick even if you get vaccinated.

32:45 Yeah, they found him guilty. What what does that mean? You know the man this guy? to 59925. You took away the context of the parody. Oh, nice. Have you seen it? no it works yeah that's it you you got the vaccination yeah are you are you okay i mean Oh, yeah. What was that? Nobody does. How about a voting exit? Every day's a gift, bitch. Just live it out. Yeah. I mean, stop being in line. Yeah. Every day's a gift,

36:19 went into a story, and they took out that part, I guess. Yeah, you got to take care of him now. They'll just get in the car and drive. it's like yeah it's like what yeah it's incurable what he's got he's pretty fucked up he's got he's going to become not aware of what's going on around him. They apparently can help to grow neurons, which is very, very unusual.

38:40 Maybe. You think that's how If it does that, Whoa. Yeah, true. Coming out right now. I'm like no we don't someone else do I have to go to a boom microphone store interview them a chimp instantly changing Okay, I fucked up. If that's possible? now I remember was different. It had backed by climate science this time, this period of They think they ate the mushrooms, too.

44:06 We might be a combination of animal and mushroom. It's the connective tissue of language. You're not fucking around with some ground up pills that some hippie made. Each one's 30 grams. Gummies hermanos. Bro, they were so strong. They ruled ridiculous they were so strong you remember those gummies hermanos bro I'm like, no. He goes, oh shit, I can't find it.

46:10 hoarder. Yeah. It's amazing Ralph he took okay one of the stars There's like a something that happens to some people where maybe they have a tendency to schizophrenia or maybe a tendency. He came back. He just stopped smoking weed for a thinking of. I think 30 days, he did He's back now, but like... Talking to Someone told me that, oh, Tulsi Gabbard told me this.

49:08 and I'm listening to a conversation. I had a couple of... Yeah, me neither. yeah and then also when you're young you watch people get drunk and it's like They were always the girls that wanted to get with guys the quickest. those young ladies are hungry for the cock. Guns come out. So and it seems like all the cops do is go in and Oh, my God. It's at 6th Street. It's wide. I got the front. Over by the. I don't you should you just walk outside once at all. It's happening It's that six tree gets why about the front over by the I don't like by the highway I don't I should like your head hits a pavement. It's not fair

51:48 Coke starts that shit. that is just always like the Hispanic guys And the lady just kept cursing out this like tall leave it alone. Whatever the problem is, the dudes were kind of just over it. Like, who cares? And the lady just kept cursing out this, like, tall, nerdy kid. And then you just saw the line. And then, but this is what's amazing. Or get you put in jail for killing somebody, like one of those guys.

53:29 She goes, mind your own fucking business. Unless it gets violent, I'm not doing shit. Yeah, to be that guy, I don't think I've done it, but I've definitely watched it backfire Get out of here. Who knows? The guy comes out with the gun. And you're a cop. Get on your fucking face right now. Oh, you're holding a gun on them. Suicide by cop? in america they had a sniper oh jesus christ like uh a roof like a rooftop away across the street or something.

56:22 Oh, wow. That kind of a skill is- What the... Right? like handcuffed. What do you want him to do, wait? Probably close to 70. that there's not a loose Oh my lord. For an old dude? Wait. Dog the Bounty Hunter's never even touched sunscreen. It's got some poison hair. Look at his skin. Leather. Leathery. Fuck your sunscreen. Wait. Yeah, yeah. They wound up dead, right?

58:54 knocking on doors conveniently knowing details were of it but the cops let them go well in the rarest of situations and then they did what and he was, like, kind of, like like bickering about whatever you know this this and They'll eat everything if you leave a body where pigs are that's the thing about He was found, dare I say, through no help of Dog the Bounty Hunter.

1:01:20 Do you know the Everglades, 99% of all the mammals are missing? don't do this alone. There's million pythons that are in the Everglades right now. They get 20 feet long and they eat fucking zebras. They might eat you if you're swimming. to kill these crocodiles in the boat Monsters they are monsters and here's the crazy thing the pythons are such monsters that they're eating the alligators though

1:03:51 And the only reason they got caught is because they were young, dumb teenagers Of course they did. They make all those like shitty kid movies. I'm like, what are all these sexy kids What's her face Catherine Zeta-Jones? He shines through everything. Oh, really? Charlize Theron. The new Batman. Well, that's a good one. What did I ask you to look up?

1:06:53 But that's just prosthetics. Remember the machinist when he became like an un-orexic? That doesn't make sense. I mean, especially, he was a little older. Yeah, that hurt him. Yeah, but seems to take his shirt off and all spindly like that He had a really hard time getting back from that Yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's a third mole you fucker. No does Donnie have

1:10:18 Wow. Wow. The god nipple. and made them go to ecstasy. Wait, yeah, maybe it's like, no, no, this is the fake nipple. Like, this is a bitch-ass finger. But these fingers are strong as fuck. Okay, use remember when this was we saw it if regular guys it was somebody finding out that somebody else in the school jerked off different than He was doing what, though?

1:13:29 Yeah, like you're out of the group. But if it works, get you there I'm like how low are we talking about? Yeah, you're cradling it. I would just rub it against my jeans. Everyone's going to jail. Yeah. Like it starts off, they're kinda okay, and then after a while they go crazy, And they're like, okay, well, we had to ask. Yeah, but it's also one of the reasons

1:15:52 at crunching numbers I was like, But sometimes I go, we need your notes on the edits. He did, eventually. Yeah. It's legit. Like I've had a lot of people that I really I like them, but they're just not that funny right. I just can't I From Skanks. I saw what their lack of experience was in it. Zero chance such a nice person I just booked somebody. Otherwise, it's going to keep coming up.

1:19:18 I never did. And all the guys Like, I would see his late night sets, Murdered. Yeah. Because you'd been doing big chunks of them leave that's the only way but it's funny you almost say the same thing it was uh like a tell asked me if i Also work that John Carden's a comic from here in Austin. We go on vacation. In paradise going ugh Anchorage is wild. Like the level of character that the average guy has in Anchorage is above normal.

1:22:51 was insane it was like a powder keg that never went off it was a hip-hop room an electronic dance supposed to be living there these different fucking lions and cats and around in the fucking river in the east river and one of them finds a step bison jawbone and they pull out this thing See, he's got the thing that goes on his mouth. It looks like, when you see the full version, that lady has it in her hand. So what does that mean? That it's there? See the full version, that lady has it in her hand.

1:25:22 So what his story, it seems at least to be proved correct is that someone at one point in time They didn't understand how crazy it was what they had. but when you get up to them, there's like scabs, No, oh my god. Um, let me find it Jamieie you got it you got it look at that jamie playing with you but yeah it's so powerful this from a tiger would just rip your face entirely

1:28:09 over my house like he was feral i got him when he was a kitten so like a friend she found a bunch of It was wild. I saw him do it. So I got it in the bathroom and it's hissing at me and jumping on the counters like it knows I'm doing something I go, how did you do it? Like purr louder than any cat ever purred like so happy that he was okay You know I'm a new pet person. I never you just got the first dog gave a shit ever and I I never

1:30:50 A lot of hair. Especially the summer. for what this was gonna be you can't do that It's totally different. Yeah. I'm going to get that food. That fucking hot dog smells delicious. So they started opening dispensaries now in New York because it's addictive drops some of it picks Do you know what I mean? She was the dog that I had. and the dog was under the desk and i didn't think about it we were just there's actually a photo on

1:35:02 That was back when I was buying weed from uh life right you start getting paranoid right you're terrified you're gonna be on the streets again why Well, the senses in general, but in the area of town, Yeah, they know it. He puts his head on my chest. Yeah, and I sit there and petting them best decision we ever made you are the bet oh fuck she bit through that leather chair over there when they're puppies a scary thing is like extension cords that's scary if they bite an

1:37:52 He brings over a toy when he comes to say hi. I thought I was going to have enemy after enemy on the street. It's just like it's crazy. He's got like oh, hey our dogs gonna Meet the new dog and everything and like they said the dog was the sweetest dog you know she had her for whatever couple days and like What? Now she's into horses. Can I just say, speaking of rabid dogs?

1:40:07 crazy. She's a lunatic. She's a full that's a wild lady. She's all, fuck it, I was thinking this did, yeah. Nice. Yeah, she's, that's a wild lady. Yeah, she's smart as fuck, man. how do you have time for this It's a big thing to see it and she told me about this Storico. That's it. And I don't think there's anybody that stops the fights either. Look at those guys.

1:42:14 Wow. This is crazy. Kill the cow. Smear the Queer. and you didn't catch it. There was some Randy Johnson like sidearm guys Crazy fucking people The concept that someone wears a suit every day. Yeah, he goes, I believe it. Food's everywhere. Now we're stuck. What's he doing? Look at this. I'm having it happen right now I'm having a half athlete. I have a physical reality

1:45:39 He's doing this while he's got a tool bag on this is insanity You never seen it go bad? What's the point? He's got his head under a car Bro, this guy's an animal That took the photo of those guys sitting on that. What's he doing 30s? No to take the camera To get up to the top where you can get your body weight over the side. are sweaty right now. Yeah,

1:47:43 you know what, People stacked on top of each other. Disease everywhere. Shit everywhere. shantytowns all outside of cities. It's just disease. They always say the plague. Remember that conspiracy from the documentary about that hotel in L.A. That's a deep yeah, what a conspiracy no she was off her meds. Yeah, she's just what is it crazy? I hate that

1:50:19 And it was like, yeah, she came in and just whacked. I think that's the hotel I jumped off at. It's the first one in seven years, buddy. That's both our dog's bellies. it just grew out and i've been on the road so much i haven't been able to get it done David Lucas is so funny roasting Tony go after each other. Yeah. Oh my god. They go after each other

1:52:39 I bet all day Monday, he's sitting around smoking pot, trying to think of things he could say to David Lucas. Like he's always too good to talk about your part. League is casual. That was the funniest realization I've ever had of like I should have known all along on Paul Mooney being gay was that standing outside of Caroline's and I'm just like facing away from the building and someone said, they were like, oh, this time there's a story.

1:54:15 Yeah, there it is I didn't know he was after something happened Paul Mooney wrote something So everyone's just laughing at these victims. or do you think his personality developed because of not getting his due? It wasn't just that, man. That was a long time. So he goes, oh, do we? Yeah, he didn't give a fuck, dude. He is 35 years later watching us young fucking snot-n nose idiots the 15th. Yeah, it was my though

1:57:53 I wonder how they did it back then. I got to go to the bathroom again. I don't understand it. After sauna. It's awesome. like, I never got into the ritual That's on YouTube. the room's got to kind of like come together for a second. I'm keeping my coughs in. Oh, my God. Mullen can already tell something's up. And he's like, no, wait. Why is the crowd behind you guys?

2:01:30 So in front of us, they're seeing a screen of us and all of the stuff we do. Bro, you can figure that out. The people talking should be facing the audience. People majority of people taking it in our watch live watching from home. Mm-hmm. So the idea is saying to play to to turn your back to your fucking crowd? who just came to the club from Canada and her 17-year-old son was with her. Are we trying to is not for me Yeah, but like there was a guy a lady from Canada and her like 17 year old son

2:03:28 It's actually, we've yelled at the club for that before. They should have been warned. to shove it up jay's ass yeah right there in front of everybody imagine just a random coming in for a And I was like, it's not so much the material that we're talking about that's going to get me. And then what they said made me, Because she's there. all right point taking guys i'll keep her out of here

2:05:55 I don't think so. Like legitimately, this might be a crime. Well, here's the crazy thing. He's such a I've been watching like these documentaries on him lately or these are like short films people have made his defiance Like, there's an audience waiting. Fuck yes! I mean a deplorable piece of shit They love him. Fuck something. Like a bunch of like Massachusetts kids.

2:09:13 taking a chick and like throwing her around the room and like just whatever no I think a girl was many as I can with me. Young Shepard on having shows on the cutting edge. because he has a tiny, tiny pecker, And we're like, yeah, look at his little dick. Yeah. He was a space case. but they don't want to get the gross shit on him. Oh, Jesus Christ, he shit in his hand and threw it into the audience. Oh, he rubs it up in his mouth. Oh, my God. This is insane. No. Oh, Jesus Christ.

2:11:34 They're like, but they're still trying to watch, but they're in the hallways and stuff. There's no music going. It would just be, ugh. she was like an mtv's teen mom girl she was like the first one that was like famous from that yeah Everything she ate came out for sure. I don't think you can plan for it, but you probably increase your odds Right. Don't show me.

2:13:57 blocking the path. That comes out easily 12 inches. It's got to be control over sexual yeah, but I think maybe it's a naughty thing Too many senses involved. Isn't that crazy? People are offering her $5,000 for poop. Her and Sophia's website. Yeah, that's fake. I think she tried to do comedy for a second, as often will happen. a porn star can just do it

2:16:32 So don't show it. interviewed her over zoom and uh she was saying that she's doing a lot of OnlyFans, And I was like, really? 500 bucks. You gotta do it anyway. Instagram you mean like what yeah, how do you how does someone because you can't search people right? It's gotta be it's social media. It's also social media So sad. Yeah, because they call them that.

2:19:53 Oh, really? People are very against it, but they can't say why. like dark in some way and like everyone who's out of it at some point has some like I I hate that guy. Do you know what I mean? They can't be like that. Absolutely. How a boner works all I'm doing is staring at it going like You must want everyone just put your socks back on we're going home so

2:22:38 It's kind of a crazed thing with men. that thing needs to change because like some animals have like a bone there. when it's needed. I don't think it's like Yeah. Yeah, you ever seen, Different animals. It couldn't even go in straight. It's like clubbing something? That's got to be weird when you're in your second coat of shellac on your walrus dick.

2:25:12 i would imagine that where is it on their body where they can mount And they just smash it up. Underneath and upside down. fish just jizz eggs. That's it. She flips over and he's got to keep her in spot. Oh, it's what they do. Upside down. You're right. Okay, wow. Look at that. That's it. There he goes. Look at this. You ever see them save a walrus they were fucking with when they trained their kids?

2:27:13 So they get their massive body, and then they're just sliding towards death. Whenever the time is that they're there for breeding You can take a boat towards them. It's pretty wild. I love when they slide right at them. I don't know. They had their fish right at the, I think it was a giant tuna, Motherfucker, dude. Right there. Yeah, right here they had no idea.

2:29:46 with family in Florida and it's going to be fun and then that where the banana boat Oh my God, Like, once it got to Jaws 4, like, how nutty did it get? How many people were in Jaws 2? It's so crazy how a good movie, I might be wrong about this, And then the beginning of the revenge, the Bahamas one, I think it kills his other kid or bites his arm off.

2:31:59 If someone shot a crow with a BB gun or something like that and the crow saw it happen and the And it bites it Come on That is so stupid. You're fucking with dinosaurs. to get them to swim around. They stop and die. It's destroyed. Watch this. It was going for him and missed. So I'll just go eat that. It was the box breaking and kind of led him slightly to the side and he missed it.

2:35:01 Probably just a blank crunching noise in their brain. This lady said this once. you're like, I get it. Right. Yeah, if you're going to die, you can do a lot of stuff. Donner party type shit yeah each other stay alive and then they made it so I'm not really interested in that. Yeah, that was great great movie great movie. Yeah, it was a wild-ass movie like that's the kind of movie where they would serve you

2:37:31 But they do everything great. Second time. What made it the best place? They, like, moved it out, so you had a great experience. Like, was it an added part of the experience to have all those courses? That's what everybody says, and it's true. Reindeer brain jelly. Hang on there. Wow. Wow. Yeah. That's insane. Yeah What? Complete darkness. Au noir?

2:40:52 You tell them and they'll lead you. What? I'm not gonna enjoy this. Yeah, I'll beoma. And I was like, I have to use the restroom. I'm not going to enjoy this. log? Maybe they give you light in the bathroom. And then maybe you find out where the sink is You're pitch black. God damn it. You don't have to worry about aesthetics cover it up and they can smell

2:42:43 if me and Ari No knife. So you're just passing. And then he goes, how far up are you? up don't go up at all oh my god that's hilarious it was cool what a novel concept yeah you couldn't and they're like, chicken. Where they think they're eating meat? But if you lied to them? Like I've never eaten one of those and I pulled into I was fucking starving. I'm like, let's go come on

2:45:46 Nine grams of sugar. I like in-and-out with lettuce wraps. Five Guys has those Cajun lot but when I have to pee we got to get there now yeah as long as it's just pee when I have to pee beautiful well And, like, it was weird. like the Joe Rogan and Friends shows that I was doing at the Vulcan. It's amazing. You got a chance to do Kill Tony. Dave Chappelle show up. Yeah, you know they're getting to see like the cream of the crop come in That's why she's the person the door for that reason to see better comics exactly because it's it's a massive part of the

2:49:29 That's awesome. You have to have open mics. you've got to get out of there, right? as like what you're trying to get on stage? It's a lot bigger here. Fun for what we love to do. But I was at the best, like New York was the best gym is the way I would put it for comedy and never leave your... especially in that one area. Sunset Room? And then there's plenty of shows.

2:52:42 You're always going to have someone's doing a comedy show and dripping springs someone's doing a comedy show here I'm that shit. You just have to find for the final meeting. Yeah, you're not wrong. You're like, oh, that Jay's a charming guy. That's the way that animal feeds. And so, like, a crappy show would be on right after Friends. It was, like, in between Seinfeld and Friends and in between Seinfeld and friends in between Seinfeld and er Paul Sims from news radio

2:55:13 If someone can come up with a really good, curb your enthusiasm, people always love them. and I don't know if always this guy was popular It's a weird life. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, dude, you got your own show. We'd have to at least nominate him. Yeah, it's always for comedy. Book a gig. They jump on archers on horseback coming at you. Get him. They've been slicing human beings like a fucking ham.

2:58:24 Got a good late night or vibe it's got um a good late night or vibe in the little He's like, why is it so big? And then the other room, like lower it even further He just told me what he thought. Because I thought it would be okay the way it was, you have to have weird things with people ever well there's weird things you're always gonna have weird things one of the

3:00:36 you know what happened now you know the cult the cult so i just got in the way slithered out of That was the original place. Just like the government. and tell them, like, put a smile on your face. Like Manson was like literally trained in LSD. and they were trying to see if they could get a wild assertions this is a guy who went on this like rabbit hole for 20 years and he uncovered

3:03:13 They were never in their right mind. I hate your garbage, man Right, you remember that? it was Brian Wilson's brother, what are the other Wilson, I think the Beach Boys recorded a song written, co-written at least. But this connection was more than professional. Holy shit. The two hitchhikers offered to come to Wilson's place. Fellow beach boy Brian Wilson would later describe coming to dinner at Dennis' place

3:06:28 And then the first thing. Brian got the hell out of the house that night, and said he was happy that the family the reason he ended up at Sharon Tate's was Oh, my God. Oh, no. Yeah, I think. Really just got it back now? Yeah, Gerald Ford. Squeaky front. way you could discredit the movement at the same time you could also find out what strategies you

3:09:26 Wow and they would study these guys that's what's this is squeaky from this and an interesting thing happened. and the Secret Service agent jail or did they film this in jail like that, Yeah. Yeah. telling them what to do and then him not doing acid and he was like guiding them it's really And then there was, you know, and he was explaining how the sweeping Schedule I Act of 1970,

3:13:03 All the people that thought it was okay to take acid Nope now you're going to jail and they could just round up everybody with these new My name's Cliff. Yeah, right. there's a little briefing are getting murdered Of shit you understand me like and then get him to do these things I'm gonna turn it he just moved. Oh, that's right. That's right Dennis Wilson?

3:15:40 Right. the spirit of the 60s. also 60s so much young deaf in like or important to people like in society at the time so like Yeah, it's worth more now, you know like American Psycho style everyone the American Psycho So what are you doing here? Probably a dope apartment. Maybe. Of longest breast feedings. Boop. mother when you were 17 was like he still drinks from the till you get arrested is that sexual at

3:18:53 Hey, Mom, I'm getting ready to learn my bar mitzvah haftorah. It's going to be odd for people. The ticket clerk shouted at her from behind the desk. women are afraid to breastfeed in public now because that's the same thing oh my That's the Oedipus thing. Everyone's got a line. Shall we? Ari, we're going to have a good fucking time. look at that you killed

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