Joe Rogan Experience #1969 — Sam Tallent Transcript

Transcript

0:00 The Joe Rogan Experience. Thank you. Bro, you are powerful and elegant. Thanks, man. You are enough. I appreciate that. I'm good enough. I had a friend I go, no, no, no. i think some people do do that to people and they go fishing for that kind of response yeah Have to listen to it. Yeah. I'm like, Jesus Christ, look at your hair. it's way better yeah yeah yeah yeah you don't think about it anymore it's like oh it's like

2:52 Why don't you go fucking full Sufi beard? I think there's some kind of recessive allele where they're not like God keeps them from having any hair on their cheeks. No. They're not allowed to eat pussy? The Amish bears typically- So once you have a full beard, all the hoes need to leave you the fuck alone. Yeah, imagine the fucking Mrs. Amish and Mr. Amish have a fight, and you just watch this bitch.

4:36 They make their own houses. Yeah. Classic Ari. Oh, no, it wasn't at the though man that it's it's you know what's weird is that when people do a really shitty job it's something else. I think that, I think it's a normal part of being a person for some strange reason. I don't think there's anything after this, I think. Right. They think about that all the time. They think about what would God want me towards that. They think about that all the time.

7:33 But they're aiming in that direction. I do like it when you're just doing it because it's the right thing to do. He really hopes good things happen to you as well. I know it's a weird thing right because like you feel like if you buy She goes, I felt like because I'd accepted devout Mormonism my whole life, There's a fucking program in our head where we want to believe nonsense.

9:29 In front of a bunch of people. I was like, this is wild. fucking it was a weird interview man but it was weird like he's like parroting out these probably a vhs tape he's got on laser disc. That was crazy. It's actually not on camera. Whoa. She'll find a way. Oh, yeah. I'm saying someone who's on television. How wild. What are you talking about? Yeah.

13:46 Uh-huh. Here's 10 seconds. All right, now we're done hugging. Don't show me this. It clearly is. and they most like they got knocked out you probably got infections from cracked teeth from I'm going to guess it's like Make a toothbrush? You just want to get crazy. pre-dynastic Egypt. You didn't have one? kissing began millions of years ago as a result

16:42 I saw it on a TikTok video. Were coming by and kissing him You can get from mouth kissing people I thought it was just herpes That wasphilis and gonorrhea, all these different things you get from mouth kissing people. Well, you're married. Therefore, oral canker can result from kissing with a syphilis patient. Yeah, they need this. You're worried about

18:13 What's that supposed to mean, Joe? are out of their fucking minds. You think so? I'm an average American at the beach. maybe it's worth it being fat just for that. the waves crashing me and spinning me like a nude egg. That's my favorite thing to do Yeah. Okay. He said that there's something about the heat and humidity. Do you ever hear the aquatic ape theory?

20:44 And they can take care of themselves way quicker than we can. Right. That's not how you shake hands as a human. Well. We just did it again. What's my it felt good? What is that? Maybe it was the wings of angels. That's the flittering inside of you. How old are you now? That'd be sick. Yeah. Yeah. He's starting to look bulky again. Big guy. I want to live.

23:43 I know. That too. I get it. Imagine if your self-esteem was connected to the size of your load. In fact, I'm excited when it's little. gator roll in the sheets. interesting like the different motivating factors that people get into when they get into comedy. How old were you, rather, when you first tried it? the bars. You stand, like, by the door. Is that what it is?

26:23 Because you're funny fine because you're funny made it and every comic who's in the middle of it right now it's on mine too you could find it on I was dating this woman, and I said I had a spot I had to go do, shitty job because I was always thinking about the exciting job I was going to do afterwards That I was actually, on Route 9. It doesn't even exist anymore.

29:35 I probably spent $10 to get there, and I couldn't fucking believe it. Gets me fucking fired up, dude. What'd you get out of a dumpster? Croissants. Oh, no is right. Yeah. I remember the bus days. looked at me and I was like, and then I hit the weed pen and blew it out and everyone was like, They do buses better. They have gospel music. That guy deserves a goddamn Academy Award

32:37 Look at how he's dancing. There's like 30 guys around him. Women, women, women, women. Because that's what's fucked up about that is that if you want to get accepted in that religion, oh my god there's no more church of all time it's the great well i don't know the church i think Come on. Gay guys are super fun. Black guys are super fun. Gay black guys? Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

34:12 Yeah, dude. and cowboy hats with no shirt. Suck my tongue. And then he gets out of it the first time. And someone's going to uncover it. Yeah, exactly. I think that it's legit, man. of their emotional development where they got raped. just to play dumb with you. Yeah. That'd be a great move well, She was hot as fuck. 160 pounder. I'd bet 220 by the end. Yeah, woman. That was a big old Texas woman. Yes. Big hair. That was like a 160 pounder.

37:18 Oh, yeah, you just shake her. That's what I'm talking about. I think top to bottom. Isn't it fascinating The most obvious trick is, like, way more deceptive. he's doing yeah and he could not figure it out and the dude rolled his sleeves up too to show I felt- But then he made me do things that was totally real. Oh, no. and then there's like bags or cups over

39:27 Oh, no. And then another one, guy yeah really fucking smart dude and really nice guy too and he is obsessed with like first of all the the Oh, dude. So he's a skilled magician, and he's also willing to get hurt. A time before language. You get a thermal layer. You develop a thermal layer. Did he have anything under his feet? So basically- Does he go out to take a leak?

42:57 He's a handsome fellow, isn't he? Yep. It was amazing. I did If I got the video But if you can He could with that body. I was trying to prove it. Yeah, let me show you the- in the ocean, I would think that would be a way better looks now. Okay. Whoa. Jamie just went full QAnon. Yes, he did. And she comes up to me and she goes, I love you. I'm like, your mom's crazy.

46:13 Yeah. These people are so silly. Right, yeah. They're just repeating a narrative. What the fuck? out to the ocean. Like, why would you, Like, get the fuck out of here. One of the last things I remember hearing when he died was that he had a big giant cement truck shipped out to the island. They should have fought for something different. What does he have?

48:52 It's like the colors of the Israeli flag. this guy literally this is how much he supports we want to make sure from people but if you Try to be silly yeah, and if you got audio that but then again I don't know when. Because that door's not real, right? Yeah. Nice window. They didn't have adults in mind when they built that thing. You want to go where Mr. Chuck E. Cheese lives?

51:36 He's like, what? How come taggers haven't showed up yet? You guys are really just depressing me your lack of ambition It just says Bert Kreischer is fat. You shouldn't do it. The L.A. River's a weird thing, man. It's covered in cement. on the coast or out there on the coast Used needles. And people fish in it. And maybe some other bluegills or something like that.

54:29 Not me. Yeah. Great waves. Oh, the guy got trapped. Where's the dude? Oh, we hit the wall. That guy better watch his neck. Look at that. It's kind of crazy. That's where River Phoenix died. Yeah. A lot of flip phones. That's a really good move. The fucked up place is San Francisco because they pay them. Oh, no. Remember Faces of Death? Because on Instagram

58:17 and going flying into the air. Yeah, my algorithm's chaos. But I also have a lot of car accidents. Uh-huh. has his back legs aren't working I couldn't escape an eagle. Jesus Christ. Back in the day. There's people that do Because they're not that much You know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah. He's a berserker. Not that much different. Yeah. He shoots the locks off.

1:01:35 A lot of horses, they fall into their holes and snap their legs. The more I find out about it, the more I want to know less. I get an IV twice a week, like a vitamin IV, NAD IV. Yeah. What kind of ruthless shit that's going on right outside of our eyes? but i'm like they don't have like a big opening. But watch what they do when they get inside. Just crushing a booger.

1:04:01 So they go back and it helps their hive. What a great name. Really rocking. When you show up like Dog the Bounty Hunter. They have to do something. The mad honey? We have those shows this evening. Yeah. Psychedelic's a strong word for what I experienced. Oh, you should. Fine. That's the shit. No, dude. In the living room. That's good. I will take a little teaspoon.

1:07:33 Is it like honey? Just like really get the spoon wet and then suck the spoon. No, I'm not worried. No. Jesus. Well. All right go in for seconds. I'm not going for seconds. Don't fucking do it, Sam. No. It's just honey. I can't wait. Mad honey. By the way, when that guy came in here and gave it to me and said that he brought it in, that was a lie. No way was this important.

1:09:05 And Jesus loves you and shave your beard if you're single. It's fascinating. Yeah, it's his shit. That was fun. I know. the sense of community that we had in um la if we're going to have like a real a real scene out That's a great place. And making it as optimum for the audience and then optimum for the performers. They all auditioned. And, you know, fucking 10, 15 talented people.

1:12:09 A lot of good women there, a lot of good, there's a couple non-bariners. Yeah, you want a beer? You know, because Kid Rock and Travis Tritt have put the fucking hammer down. like if there was like a bomb ass cheesecake and all of a sudden, you know, some radical group like Antifa really got into the cheesecake, we'd be like, fuck this. Cheers. and is like fuck Anheuser-Busch

1:13:59 I'm from Colorado and Coors has had those rainbow cans forever I know. And also generous and community-minded. That's true. Whoa. But they think that the company that they like is giving into the woke agenda. don't align with the parents' views, right? Who's right and who's wrong, that's up to Maybe your kids are atheists and they go to school. like Project Veritas got a bunch of them,

1:16:48 So they look back and they remember, She was a sweet lady. praise from people also parents are a nightmare parents are a nightmare and then and then the It's like the job is really fucking hard. and your kid's at school all day It's like, what is school supposed to do? doing this but you're instead you're spending the entire class talking about different things that you think are wrong with the world or wrong with Donald Trump or wrong with trans people not being able to compete in the sport of their gender of choice.

1:19:48 This is not that good. Zevias. I was allegedly conceived on Zimas. Gave you a heartburn, though, dude. You know, like if I'm trying to get drunk, I'm drinking whiskey. Zima drinks returning to summer of 2018 Yeah. These are all sugar, though. Yeah. It's on your writer. What are the fun facts about Zima? It didn't taste bad at all. How long did you leave your Zima on the shelf?

1:22:05 That's the same bottle over and over again. Your dad's got some cases. My initial reaction is like, this is silly. It was pretty transparent. another audience like I saw and I was like what the fuck is this my initial He's joking, Shane. There's a little current popping around in there. of companies are using this person. day about the restrict act and flip the top here i showed you before pull the

1:24:46 No, but it's kind of funny. Yeah. I like that I get what they're doing, though. They're trying to get people Yeah, for sure. Yeah. He looked good the other day. It was all him. And then I started watching it. what stage was it in when you visited? Listen to this, folks. Wow. I saw it when we, because we had to, like, take down a lot of stuff, So then it gets to like we're almost open.

1:27:48 Because they clean it with this solvent to take out the black ink. The whole thing. The Fat Man and Little Boy thing is in reference. But after 1947, there's a shitload of sightings. My old man loves UFOs. This person is from another planet or the aliens? sort of a stable environment where they're not in an asteroid belt or anything like that. They

1:30:17 knock ourselves back into the stone age. And they went there and they wanted to try to rescue the sloth and figure it out. Okay, these fucks are blowing themselves up. all the different crazy, And I think it was in Maine Yeah. Okay. I wonder if she's fighting soon. He's got those big paws on you. Oh, my God. I pissed eight pounds one time. thing. In my experience, if you went down, the guy laid on you and you're just waiting for the bell.

1:33:53 really into it, you know? It's like a lot You're trying to learn the moves and execute the moves. But there's a lawsuit that really recently got – this guy was a jiu-jitsu coach. It does, but it's also a very unfortunate aspect of jiu-jitsu do happen where guys get spiked on their head they get I would. they were trying to paint him that he was a total beginner.

1:36:51 I mean, who knows if that's going to stick in appeals. But yeah, you do sign up for it. But like I had some real problems with my back and my neck, I literally think those translated, like those two skills. And it gives you like reps. Yeah. Like another just it's just different kind of reps, almost like cross training a little bit. That's the shit.

1:38:37 81. randomly. So then open for Joe Rogan went in like 13 people's bios the day after that show. Cause Well, I wouldn't have been able to do it back then because I didn't even have a podcast. My wife got pregnant. where we were i was like 8 000 feet above sea level it was very high yeah it was awesome though They used to be around my middle school all the time

1:41:07 They were discussing that to us when we move up there. I was on all fours. like I did it is this, Like it's fucked, Yeah. But their crowds are dumb because they're into that kind of humor. Have you seen the meet and greets for those YouTube guy shows? razor coming up next they just happy to see that Twitch guy. but is it any weirder there is no debate,

1:43:33 and then it gets more people to get eyes on comedy even if it is through like an ulterior way yeah What's a rap date? It's fun to go from like the warehouses that I was performing into. what is, She's gotta be happy now. She's stoked. I mean, when she met day, baby. Yeah, one day. I'll be on JRE. She's got to be happy now. Oh, really? Wyoming. Paint a picture for me. You walk in, all right? You've got a big disco ball.

1:45:27 And then the hack tries to fuck some old lady and you have to sleep in the bathtub because you're sharing a hotel room. like, oh, we're good. Hour goes by, we're drinking. He's like, hey, what's up with those chicken wings? So they're like, okay, right on, sir. They finally put the wings in. Wow. Yeah. sad flea market after the shows and people come up and they know their shirt says like i'm was

1:48:02 They're like, all right, I'll knock on the door when I'm done. And then these guys were calling me a fag, yelling out, and I started tearing them apart. here doesn't think i can swear in front of you because you don't know like i don't want to Yeah. 24 year old visiting these 18 year olds talking shit with them and you're like an old man It's like someone not knowing what the roads are and just writing things. I had to get directions from someone else that was unrelated.

1:50:14 He's like, I'm going to talk to your agent about this. Do you know that's my job? That is what you paid me to do. Stupid. Oh, it was one of those? And then they were like, oh. Yeah. make all the pledges wear a pink hat and it was just my job to go in there and like pretty much Doing it. Where's the AV room boys at? If you showed up, they'd say, please leave, sir.

1:52:35 I was a little worried about that. yeah he's in town he's doing a gig tomorrow night at the paramount i think one of the big theaters Oh, sweet. You son of a bitch. get rid of that. But think about how majestic that swa must have looked flapping up there. And then they used like flight patterns and shit. They had a whole podcast. capture the flag story in the way that we did we essentially condoned some pretty despicable ideology and behavior no you're not you're just talking about a thing that happened

1:55:33 it was like they just thought that Shia LaBeouf, Very pretentious. Very pretentious. I mean, there's no one connected to that. They ate his larva. And how did that get connected to ideology? I mean, have you ever heard an argument, I mean, maybe there have been ones, about the make you frown. It's like, fucking A, dude. Hitler was no good, but he could move a crowd.

1:58:03 That was like one of the best opening lines ever. Yeah. It shows all of the posts that they made going through it. 4chan is using And they're having a good time. Right on the button. They're up at 4.36 a.m. The episode was really well done, too. Also, you can't live in this bubble where you don't know about Yeah. Yeah, there's probably no girls on 4chan.

2:00:44 Jamie, do you know? I'm having a nice time Well I just I'm giggling. but because they and be able to see photos of ladies like this, you have to send me a photo of yourself dressed up like a lady like this. I know, dude. I look like Rosie O'Donnell over here. Yeah. If they caught you wearing a dress somewhere, no one would give a shit. Yeah, when you lean back with a cigar, it's tycoon.

2:02:52 I think I'm mad I told him he could have it, though. awesome. It's such an intimate little room. It's such a cool little room. That's where, uh, Chappelle It was pretty dope. and that was also Louie's advice. It's nice, man. Is there going to be a pole to the stage? I don't know. So whatever he's going to do in Yellow Springs is going to be very interesting.

2:04:57 In his backyard. Fuck yeah. Then the neighbor's going to complain, there's Dave Chappelle. that spot's gonna be Shane's so fucking funny like monkeys with a typewriter like they would hammer it out and it would fucking look And now I get to hang out with Eget, You should be proud of yourself. oh, I'm just like trying to keep a cigar lit and drinking a beer with a cool guy.

2:06:53 Cedar Rapids this weekend. Well I hope you do. People with skulls? No. Comedians. There might be like a thousand of us. It's our shit. Oh, yeah. different style of communication over there yeah it doesn't necessarily apply that directly without oh yeah for sure i think you have to have people you aspire to yeah and that's one of the more Right. at nighttime

2:09:42 Yeah, but if you don't have that, if you're just in, you know you know whatever some weird town somewhere and you start an open mic night it's hard to get own audience and then they bring the weakest possible opening act. It's 100% true. like 250 and 300 is like the sweet zone it's like comedy works yeah it's the sweet zone you get to Tim, talking to the crowd.

2:11:58 Those are weird, It's less intimate than a theater, but more people. done it i did it oh it was money no just because it was like oh i'll entertain some people in the I would have loved to have been a little... on a man my size. So people are on that That's why it's like Yeah, but he's a once See him interact with people. He's the man. That's the weird thing about me.

2:14:55 It's so good because he's gotten that muscle of doing that and ranting. I bet it is. And then she'd turn and he'd be like, dog shit, trash. One time a lady took us upstairs and it was like, the downstairs was beautiful. on on the internet like um i go like I watch a lot of YouTube videos, mostly nonsense shit. He was part of the crisis. It's not slight against you that he does this, by the way.

2:17:05 Yeah, he's invented a completely different character Just like, holy shit. It's crazy when a gay guy Like a predator. Yeah. I know. no he loves it out there he also keeps houses in a bunch of different states he likes he does Tim will call you and he's just in the middle of a conversation he's been having with himself, It works, but it could be it could be bad

2:19:19 Can I have that other one? Yeah, you like to test the metal of your mouth. Like one of the most unmanly looking like tight leather travis tritt and this guy came over it it's like, where do you work, man? That's the picture. I don't know why. It's like that Live and let die. everyone was just there to pursue a dream there was like electricity in the air when you're in

2:22:08 People change, Kid Rock. Maybe people feel safer to come out and be themselves. ideology if you all of a sudden can become a group you're in a group you're praised Right. Pursuit of happiness. Again, go down Santa Monica Boulevard. Yeah, no, dude. Oh, yeah. Yeah. with religious people, particularly this one guy, Two wrongs don't make a right, even under rape.

2:25:54 to keep everybody fighting against each other, my chess move would be conservatives get rid complex. Yeah, yeah. If I wanted to keep people divided president I knew you're a patriot like oh no it It's like you don't want to be associated with these people. And then people realized that, you know, money does move everything. So they saw through for sure. They tried to use class war, and then people realized that money does move everything,

2:28:17 And then there's this beautiful component of climate change. It's all fucking like this and that and it goes ice age and it gets crazy hot and it goes cold again. That's what we need to know. But all this fucking panic and hysteria and you need to get rid of this and get rid of that and we're going to go all electric. How are you getting 8 billion people to move around electric cars?

2:30:09 So it's like, I think that we'll be lucky if we make it to 100 years to see the seas boil without some kind of economic collapse crushing us. China. Well, that's part of it, dude. I saw this the other day. The actual amount of the size, but 75 feet square. That's like a So it's. And since gold is virtually indestructible, causes cataclysms because of the

2:33:12 early on and it was a useless metal so what if it's pretty why how come you could buy a house This guy wrote about this in like the 1970s. so what this this book is trying to say is the reason why humans are obsessed with golds because saying it in your head. it represents medicine in ancient sumer and it also like it's present in these very weird stone tablets some of these stone

2:35:53 That's fucking insane. of the god is interesting too i met that guy really yeah eric von daniken yeah i went to um Yeah. And also that they like conducted energy, right? That's really interesting stuff because there's enormous things that are laid out on the sand or on the ground that you can't see unless you're in the sky. they don't really know where they came from.

2:38:08 And the most spectacular ever in the history of humanity still exists in Egypt. I'm going down there with my dad in May. And how did they Like how the fuck do they do that? So they're very aware of all the stars in the sky and all the constellations Do you know that Cleopatra, she lived closer to the invention of the iPhone than she did to the construction of the pyramids?

2:40:22 Holy shit. Fuck, dude. You just launch off of your island, and you're like, fingers crossed, we're going to find some other shit out there. No, but I think that they had expeditions that they would probably report back from lesser islands, come back, be like, now we have set up over here. Like, dude, I think we're fucked. No wonder why they're so happy.

2:41:55 Well, it's also weird that that's, I mean, I think it deserves all the protection of America. Yeah. That's why they're so efficient. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Do you know about that shit? The dogs hold the boar down and they stab it. Yeah. They get fucked up bad. I'll show you a boar that I shot in California. And they get fucked up by those boars too. Oh, they get fucked up. They get fucked up bad.

2:44:20 No. it's like, whoa. That would destroy your leg. When they do a mount like that, that's If you prepare them correctly, I made chorizo and eggs the other day with javelina meat. It looks regal. Get along, boys. And we were fighting. It'd be terrifying. I think it's like they start to morph within five or six weeks. species. He said that's most likely that was a domestic pig that somebody fattened up and got real enormous.

2:47:40 It's wild, dude, because it's like they're like gremlins. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Comedians will be the first against the wall, and they'll use my back for leather for their and wrestling experience could come in handy. I have no problem with cannibalism for some reason. Oh yeah. Because you wouldn't be doing I got some vintage Surge over here. Jones is good.

2:49:57 Yeah. it's fictional it's not a documentary but these girls get like trapped in the woods on like uh What's that? Yeah. Whatever. Then you want minor... I'm eating your ass first. What the fuck are you saying? That was one thing that really surprised me. On both wrists. Yeah. Those cars were shit. to be? Like, that thing, when he Those white wall tires. time that's a real

2:53:37 sick that looks pretty dope but it's like those cut like the one Leonardo They're on their way to get some pussy. Like go back to one of them old ones to tell me what they have. It's probably under. Whoa. And at the same time, Sherwood Anderson was writing like Winesburg, Ohio about people eating dirt. And then you have succession. But you know, you have like these fucking spoiled rich kids and their crazy dad,

2:55:35 All that stuff, that thing is slow as fuck. Maybe. Bitch-ass engine. Maybe that's augmented. Yeah, aero engine. The Rolls-Royce is $28 million? It's part of the package. Exactly. Removable roof? and champagne and shit you pull up to that but that's half the cost Get that island, dude. Yeah, we only do protect our parks there. Tell everybody your Instagram

2:58:27 What are the odds? Yeah. by the way that's me no I had They all did great jobs. It comes out tomorrow. That's it.