Joe Rogan Experience #1972 — Jim Breuer Transcript

Transcript

0:00 The Joe Rogan Experience. When we met, we were in our early 20s. Yeah, well, I've been married 30. We had a good fucking time. You love stand up comedy I'd get there I was just like this whole time, like, what the fuck is going on right now? Like, immediately, the moment you went on stage, you're like, dude, you've got to go slow. I really had a good time.

3:10 You know, There's something to doing that thing, He does Jiu Jitsu all the time. He's in Jersey, right? It creates a fearless, if that makes sense. I really do. It was right outside of Kenya. You flew into in Kenya. It was right outside of Kenya. I got my dad's jacket. I got the hood of a car and people who live in like rural poverty i'm i'm talking about hunter gatherers i'm talking about

6:35 He saw a photo of 9-11. Like, you have your dogs tied up outside to bark to make sure that they know when bears And this guy lives like this. you have a different perception, I mean, this is how difficult their life is, That's the part. Yeah. Is this like the log cabin thing too? It wasn't even a mountainside. It was so cool Over 100 years old, I believe.

11:10 But what's fascinating about someone who's willing to commit to building stuff like this is like, this is engineering. That probably gives you cancer. with some chemical. He got me a job working for his construction company. And Jimmy Yeah. Somewhere around 18. That's a whole different level of work. That is, you're getting up early. But when he was like, okay, take this screw gun,

13:23 I stood there. You haven't even gotten one in He's afraid of fucking heights Dude, when I watch those Alex Honnold videos, that guy climbing the mountains, where it's James Kingston sent me this. Yeah, what the fuck are you doing, bro? I can't let him do that I'm with the family. life I told him I was gonna punch their fucking faces I swear to God I'm

15:56 Having a job where you literally That's real work. this like i gotta i gotta figure something out no my dad was sanitation i'd watch i'd watch him like i don't know if i can you know i watch people working all day like i don't know if i can do this They all hook each other up. Right. And they all got a pandemic? what jobs are essential essential yeah so that meant if you were non-essential like you didn't

18:11 we didn't know an event It was wild. is this like, But up until February, you had thousands of different bands, all the meet and greets, all the hotels, all the airlines, all the partying. they get pissed like, is someone right now Is that the number? essential to immune system and they didn't tell everybody, they didn't just scream it from the And hey, it helped me.

21:40 You just heard people go, oh, my God, everyone's dying. I'm not saying no. Not one human being. medicines, it's like Billy, they've had billions of prescriptions. Not like a hundred thousand. Like billions And he's like, let's face it. And they have a heightened level of anxiety when it comes to this. You should just get it. covid really fucking bad after being vaccinated like really bad two weeks wrecked so i have a i And his daughter, college, gets the shot.

24:39 If there was any other thing that came along that was a new novel remedy for things. And then there was this host of side And you're gonna fuck this up for everybody and we're never going to get back to work. I will. They're scared. Like to purposely keep people from getting healthy and actually stopping people? You're not that smart to pull this off

27:46 because all you're offering up is a pharmaceutical remedy And to think that the way to fix that is only an injection says who and why are we listening to people that say that? You just got to do it. Now you know they lie. You're taking horse medicine. It kills them. how'd you get better so quick? Common sense. What medicines did he take? Do you think that enough people realized

31:24 And you take seriously. And you take seriously. You know what it's like? These are dorks. And so they're going to change that with this crazy attention whore what lunacy is going on right now? And they make things like this. Look, you got the prairies, the ocean, you got a Clydesdale running down the street story This is when some CEO is like, Like where's this coming from?

34:56 I want to be in the I don't think they get to. Well, that's what I'm saying. she was talking about inclusivity and talking about like this sort of frat culture around But if you're doing that and trying to change who buys the company What do you mean? Oh, really? Yeah. I love that Elon Musk. I love it. I'm not a fan of Bill Gates. lower the height so you can off-road on this fucking thing it looks like it's a hundred years

39:48 When you see it in real life, you just go, holy fucking shit. And it goes zero to 60 in three seconds. And these axles, they protrude. They stick I went to visit the He's testing it. parking lot you could summon it to you. It'll come to your app. I don't even use the... Oh, don't do that, buddy. Right. And you can, you could avoid stuff without slamming on the fucking brakes

43:00 What kind of car is it? I just like fucking, I like trucks. F-150 Raptor. Oh, Raptors are super capable. Were they going to hit me for it? some of that. I have all women in my Oh damn. See, I need that. Oh, my. Oh, damn. Yeah, the way that hit, I think he blew his fucking car apart. But you just mentioned Florida. I, yeah, I like the little bit of the hillbilly thing going on.

45:44 They never have a problem with those things. So much of our cars are built overseas. There's not, like, if you wanted to have a car that's, like, a really American-made car, One of them stick shifts or something. Matter of fact, it's really sad. I had an NSX from 2005, and I had one from, like, 96. What I'm well when I first when you first started started out at shit boxes

47:54 The cars where I live in Naples? Do you know how crazy that sounds? They're fucking worth it. But there's something about that level of balling that's uncomfortable for me. of a muscle car yeah you know it's like you're not going to get a version of a new Ferrari convertible. That's like an accessible car. You know what I got into? 825 horsepower. I want something like a Hummer.

50:04 It was like a 2011, I think I had, or 12. that's what i had i think it was like no I had the model right before that. I had the model before that. It's like, there's some, it's like you're in a thrill ride. blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It was so much fun. Right. I want you in a red convertible. The wind's got your hair flowing. A tank? Flaps? Flaps?

53:04 See, now that- rubs watch the engine A Hummer? It has 1,000 horsepower. If you're in a little car, like a low car, the problem is like sometimes shit's happening ahead of you and you don't know why everybody's He just stacks gold I love that dude Yeah, yeah. And really fun. A Raptor's a little less crazy, but it's still very big. Well, you know we're talking about before we made about like hunter-gatherer people and people I go hunting every year

56:41 and the headlights, it was just getting dusk out, and the headlights were catching his eyes, pounder running across the street in montecito in santa barbara i was just driving and i saw this Any illusions you have You just melt. hit you you're out they're dragging you up the hill they'll grab ahold of your We have to protect them. Depredation. They're in the front. You let your dog out to

59:48 get a dog. Like a chained up dog. not the horrifying, but that's your peace. There's a lot of things going on out there. This is true nature. The food has to be shipped in every day, constantly. But you got some banana like me when I was like 18, if you feel the thing going, Jim, she moved to Austin. I would love to be on a ranch. Yes. I know I'm not going to do it. Someone has to do it.

1:03:17 One of the cattle, or you've got an issue with the coyote, or whatever. Yeah, some guy. Maybe they die of a heat stroke because they get lost. and found his way onto this ranch and apparently couldn't find water. Very interesting guy. Very dangerous. I think it gets like way over 120, which is wild. I was in Arizona. 134's the hottest place on earth i think what i think it gets like way over 120

1:05:34 I mean, we believe in that. Wow. that they literally can't think straight you can't think straight and then you're fucked it's like I thought about doing one, yeah. Just for fun. We need a landing strip. The people you start to roll with, you're definitely going to need that. Take some old cars out and just annihilate them. Like, a lot of people have it.

1:08:20 40 yards, 50 yards, something like that. That ain't 40 yards. Tannerite. i mean look how fast that door is coming at him i think the tree would have protected him in any that the door bows like a the door bends as it passes by It looked like the nose of a plane. He was taking that in a mug. What can we do? Clean that shit up. Oh, my gosh. what plus,

1:12:05 Well, they're trying to overtake a very specific piece of land, you know, and that's the way they're doing it. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Dude. Because they had all these toys. And like, pull up for his rifle to shoot down the drone. yeah these videos oh my god in a foxhole oh my god oh my god jesus christ What started the war? Both are true. there was a guy who was on the Colbert show in like

1:16:24 Or in Canada. And they're shooting missiles into apartment buildings. we have biological weapons in ukraine do they call it biological weapons or they call it what And it was for this sci-fi show, and he was explaining to me how they have, like, giant supplies of anthrax. mass destruction, right, in Iraq. that narrative knew it wasn't true. but no one's held accountable for that.

1:19:22 There's so many leaders we want to be with one another it's like because I don't want to make a false statement. that there was NATO... Okay, here it was. So Finland was joining NATO as well. So they're trying to stop people from escaping. Or is it just that since that army is now in NATO how do they what was the the dispute in terms of that it seems

1:22:34 It's great if we're all aligned. Like, do you want your, like, there's no reason why humanity, we have the microphones, Is that the spook of January 6th? Putin believes that Russia rightfully deserves But the peoples of Eastern Europe did not want to be forced to live under communism They're all stealing oil, blowing up pipelines. mining. I haven't had the Chinese food in Africa yet.

1:25:36 Yeah, it's just in New York? Defendants are New York City residents who allegedly operated the police station in lower Manhattan and destroyed evidence when confronted by the FBI. Interesting that this is like such a big crime, but you could stab someone, they'll let you What were they catching people doing and what would be the consequences? Oh, my God, they must have a jail, right?

1:27:32 Yeah, it's pitch black. an infested cell like attacked his whole body he's like so I'm here time see my head I think it Simple battery. He punched the wrong dude, man. I don't know what happened. He punched the wrong dude, man. officers refused to administer CPR because, in her words, she So there's his cell. Look at his body. Oh, wow my god oh my god everything bagel looking thing that's insane he was eating alive by bugs oh my

1:30:18 I mean, they go to fucking restaurants and make sure that the conditions are, Say, ah, sorry. Bro. What's up with that? And it seems like celebrities, say, Hey, like, have you ever been invited to something? And they'll tell you, Oh, such and I'd be like, oh. plea deals? in the middle of the Bahamas. Like, you gotta shut why doesn't anyone say anything?

1:33:37 And if you say anything, oh, my God. okay let's I mean right Somebody let them know. cool kids club we've been there it seems fine yeah been there done that to a degree and the fact that No. Oh, how creepy. It gave you a creepy feeling in your belly. They don't come back as boys. Yeah. And Stromboli paydots. That shows you how low honest John will... That's not right.

1:37:19 So, Coachman? Oh, like someone showing that they could do voiceover? And this trombone pay. how would you blokes Stupid little boys. Hmm. Hmm. We'll meet at the crossroads. that's the thing and that's what people don't understand. And then you see the fuck, he goes, probably heard stories about children getting sex trafficked. such as fighting, vandalism, underage drinking, and often destined to grow up to become men who

1:42:06 And then he's evil. So like, what Have you ever seen any of those documentaries about I could be wrong. They did a magazine article on her. Kidnapped her and blah, blah, blah. This was huge news. Well, if you care about children. Yeah. What'd she tweet? But we're gonna... The crazy thing was when Trump said, actually, Obama built those cages. Perhaps some of that money could be sent to fix our border instead of whatever the rest of her tweet.

1:46:03 But you can't be naive to think something like that is going on. But if you're just going to let people pile into the country, then people are going to keep coming. They're going to know that they could pile into the country and they're going to make it through there. And along with them are going to be some despicable criminals. Yeah. Huh. Are they carrying

1:47:29 but the Native Americans might have given syphilis to us. Yeah, I can see that. like it was similar Like I don't know, was the thing that i had read you think we're the only species that does that that gives each other Like, holy fuck. That is so rude. It's so rude. The frog gets out. That's what happens when you steal them They might not have been

1:50:57 The chimps just That hurt. You're a napper. And then staying out later than Mr. Brewer stays out. and now I got a week to try to get this thing out. How good did they look? Oh, my God, you should have smelled it. They looked good, but I tapped you. I watched your buddy making them. I woke up this morning and saw the people. How good did they look? It's in Cedar Park, I think.

1:52:40 Because I'm literally hovering over the grill. It was fucking amazing. You fucked up, dude. I wanted nothing to do with that And I'm You don't have to stay up. also... You got responsibilities. Yeah. I get it. If I didn't eat... I get it. I've been tired. I was tired. Yeah. And I already ate twice. Yeah, I get it. See, I'm still working on this right here.

1:54:49 And then the weight's over. Yeah. Ride my bike a lot Let me get it back. You're nuts and you're asshole. He might. Then I got to start swimming. Well, they took an old lady out. Oh, Jesus Christ. You're watching it. It's so crazy. Where, where, where? Do it again, do it again. Keep it going. Yeah Is monster soup. You can make it all the way to the bay towards Naples.

1:58:39 And if it's mating season, that's another thing. Yeah, that's way. That's a paddle board. Yeah. You got to be's an asshole. Oh, that's not even... That's a paddleboard. These are all close encounters. These people are They're so amazing. Right. Watch the mouth. Oh, my God. Don't do that. Oh, my God. I've seen a rattlesnake. Like I told you, like the hunting.

2:00:49 Yeah. Yes. He couldn't have gone with a better guy. I had an incredible time. It's it's a there's a sense of loss with the deer that you shoot even though you know that you're going to eat it, and that's why you're there. There it is. you were cruddling the turkey so I'm looking at him and then you know Like, hello, Jim. That's interesting. I get it.

2:03:27 That is a heartless serpent. but this is what I was talking about, Did you ever see the video of the guy Huge. Watch this video. sleep and you're not getting them out they They obviously have nested up there. Oh, my God. I think it was like 10 feet. This is not their environment, right? Killing over 300 pythons So why are they The longer video And then they just keep multiplying.

2:06:15 part of the problem so some of it is exotic pets and some of it is these ones that they release That is part of the Python problem, right? There's a half a million pythons, they estimate. That's amazing. They don't know if it's someone's pet, That's like a wolf compared to a German shepherd. It was like a river that, and the ocean was close. oh my god. And I just

2:09:11 were like, they were probably like six and eight, somewhere around then. Right. Oh, yeah, I did see that. where the bank is you see the crocs sunning themselves. You don't think they're fast. It says hundreds of alligators or crocodiles behind them. He looks outside his tent. What the fuck do you do there? Imagine you're out of breath. They just eat the whole goat.

2:11:41 Yeah, he went to the zoo. That's way scarier. He's Brazilian. This is a different thing. This is different down here. All of them are fucking terrifying. I don't know yet. Let me look at those. They look like alligators. One of my favorite stories I heard about an alligator getting a guy was his cops were He's like, oh, free lunch. video the other day this guy uh was turkey hunting and this panther didn't realize he was there and

2:15:06 So many people moved there. the most 70% look how registered DeSantis did in the last vote I mean he No, it's because the cops are fat, man. This last one? Go to the 2022. Orlando. You get a lot of people from Chicago are fleeing there. white let's not but imagine that she's a white girl yeah and the look on her face she probably Like what do they do?

2:18:31 And that's one of them. you grew up in a nowhere out situation or maybe your parents got divorced or whatever. That's the side that no one will ever talk about. to stop funding the police the police of the problem themselves up by their bootstraps it's fucking ridiculous bro i remember well i remember I had the most incredible conversation. for themselves they had the they're under the illusion that they're going to be taken care of

2:22:51 but- things they love to do and thriving. Right. And then maybe they would find other stuff to do for Where, like, everyone's— Everything runs rampant. It's like, how do we not address these problems in America? That's one thing I love about the new Twitter. Yeah, thank the baby Jesus. He's funny. for a week at a time representing Senate Live and every time I see you, you're like, I don't know.

2:26:07 And in this story, they were saying that they were talking in character the entire time. They just did it for the sake of doing it. Would that be fun? That one movie with Dustin Hoffman. Was that it? I've had to have seen this. God, I haven't seen this in fucking 20 years. The Unforgiven. This is what it is. What did Gene Hackman play in this? It's a heavy movie, man.

2:29:20 So he goes back into action. of the reasons why he's so good at killing people he never freaks out it's right it's so he's calm and it's so good man what is the series Yellowstone. And he's like taking like. It could That ain't it. Kevin Costner. I feel like this chick was in it. I've heard that's amazing. makes more sense how it all went down yeah this makes all the sense in the world and they they

2:33:02 The Wild West, man. There's a little part of one of the sets, but she's seen enough the Something about axe murderer. That's interesting. And it's terrifying for people because they don't feel like they could do anything about it. Get close. It's just become something. I think it has to do What they had done in Egypt the ice age ended and there's a lot of evidence of this like physical evidence all over the earth

2:36:59 killed 65 of all the megafauna in north amer, 65% of all the mammals died off quick, And I think that the reason why people were so barbaric I bet there was very few people left, and I bet their lives were hard as fuck. Mad Max world for a long ass time a long I mean they when they talk about and they get fucking annihilated by rocks from space and then whoever does exist

2:39:33 I always want to know, like, where do certain things start? But it is Apocalypse. Ancient Apocalypse on Netflix. Correct. I always say Ancient Catastrophe. I almost said it again. But it is Apocalypse. And they put this together, and they said there's distinct evidence high levels of construction to the point where you know you're getting all these

2:41:06 They use LIDAR and they scan the surface of the ground. Oh, the obelisk. in rome in the middle of the vatican that fascinates me it's amazing like what's the like a city and then just 100%. Right. The Vatican is insane, dude. Really interesting dude. And they're like, some dude with a little dick The big dick is nothing but problems. They started covering them up with leaves

2:44:50 Right. Nobody needs two inches. They give him these little one-inch penises. There's so much art. What's the movie? He was great. Look how beautiful he was. We need a real Joker you know when he guys are out there like It's beautiful, too. Like the kind of comedies that he made before, if you tried to make them today, you'd get in real trouble. Let's go to his IMDb.

2:48:14 Yeah, his first movie was Road Trip and then Old School. Right out of the gate. You watch Step Brothers, you're like, Jesus, like the language. That's what I said. Do you think that was really his dick? I mean, if you go in for the laugh and you think. Great fucking movie. The jizz in the hair? No, not Dylan. Yeah. I miss those kind of movies. in him. Sandler still does them.

2:50:52 I'm like, Right. be in the mood for like the zohan right i'm not here for raging bull it's a great movie the zohan's Hilarious. because they're pretty non-offensive. we fucking, Where it was like, he had a wife and a kid, or like, he played like a father. Well, he was amazing in Uncut Gems. Uncut Gems. Uncut Gems is fucking amazing He plays a gambling addict so well

2:53:16 All right. Sunday night that we're watching He plays it perfect. Holy fuck, those guys are just degenerates. I remember there was a guy even, I went to, I think I was filming a pilot or something. And he stared at it. go see the mountains, you're going to take a ride And every day you're trying to get even or you're trying to get better and you're trying to get that money back.

2:55:46 Do they still do that? Let me retract. Yeah. Look at how fast they run. Oh, my. He felt them on his ass. I don't know. Jesus, dude. Like, why are you having them run? Yeah. You have to starve them. Nobody's going to feel bad for you. Because alligators and crocodiles, I think they can go a year without eating. They're here and the dinosaurs aren't.

2:59:02 They have gator holes in the ground. They're everywhere. Relocate them. And it's a beach. The guy, when we were at Disney World, You can't keep a gator from finding ponds and lakes and all that jazz. Driving down the highway, 16-foot monster just sitting on the side. Yeah. What, you want some of this? Still, I don't like the horse's chances there. strong though.

3:02:00 horses. and they've opposed killing wild horses. Here it goes. Today, there is an estimated 82,000 wild horses and burros on public rangelands, So horses originated right here. Nope. They thought they were like gods. And now you've got a giant population of wild ones. looking yeah and you feel something when i can't explain it pause there's something that i like

3:05:15 Weird, right? They're a problem. So if there's wild deer and the population gets too high, you just issue tags. Not fucking with anybody. So if you have 82,000 and it doubles every four years and you got to get it down to 26,000, dude, that's a lot of slaughter. fucking owl like real like yeah one of them cat-killing owls. The ones that turn around and look at you. It wasn't necessarily a big one.

3:07:39 That's how people take care of rats around their house. of California, is that those just eating everything that slips up like a coyote And they haven't attacked people. It was a 19-year-old woman. Look at that. Oh my god. Look at it. He's twitching. Wow Wow Dude They're just a A round people All these cars everywhere. He doesn't give a shit. He's just eating that cat.

3:10:32 country over the last like hundred years like they were confined to the West but Huh It's great to be around you again Alright bye everybody All right. Bye, everybody.