Joe Rogan Experience #1978 — Ms. Pat Transcript

Transcript

0:00 The Joe Rogan Experience. That's beautiful. You know, see what the fourth season got to give. It's not. Who's that gentleman that you brought with me last time, your executive producer? Controlled that show He brought her into, you know sitcoms much anymore not with comedians uh thank god i had a million and one stories and you know but they was able to laugh at it.

3:36 talked about him many times to you i mean he's working at jiffy lubes and he done had like four that some of the great old sitcoms did like it's it's you know people thought I think, you know, I saw a clip of the Big Bang Theory. Well, last time I talked about Big Bang Theory, I got in trouble from little white Theory, but I'm quite sure a This ain't funny.

6:00 Oh, wow. And it's like a party. Yes. Yeah, we nailed it. They might give you 33, but no more than 35. beg them not to cut it, because Yeah. And sometime the day before. Yeah. always tell them. I say, you know, one thing I know, Right. We talk like Miss Pat and if your family can relate or if You know, and it's not a black show. they'll both come up and say i love your show and that's what i know i said oh this shit ain't black

10:40 They don't want mines. Like, everybody's had pubic hair. It is weird because I experienced it through high school. So some white man went down there and got a vagina stuck in his throat, And she was dating this guy, and she broke up with the guy, When I was like 16 years old, it was hilarious That's why I don't cheat. Let me be me. it seems so hard to put one of those things together.

13:54 And no comics are like trying to get sitcoms anymore. Yes. It can still be done. And I told you, I ain't get hit with no pie and I ain't chasing no dick like they say fat girls do. the box and they just recycle the same that shit. I'm a comedian. You can't give passion. You know, I think don't know, really don't know shit about What movie was that?

16:27 Deadpool. Gosling. Look what he would have thrown away. Well, they just think they know what they're doing. be honest like you know i went in i told i think i told you this last time the first time i had a right where i was like that shit whack that's just horrible they was like you Only you think this shit is funny. They have a fake laugh. they all start laughing.

19:39 Those are hired laughers? So shooting the pilot in L.A. taught me a lot. That shit ain't funny, Pat. I guess that makes sense, though, with a lot of sitcoms. I mean, it's all they're doing is just trying to keep you there. I don't watch a lot of TV. Yeah. Really? I say, this is what we're heading to, ladies. in one way or another. I feel like Way more.

22:38 can't do you can't they don't ever do anything to control y'all dicks joe they don't tell y'all It gets to be a religious thing. But it's one of those things where it gets to be like late-term abortions. She wanted to have the baby and he didn't. I mean, but so is you shooting off in a sock. in a fucking sock instead of a wound? if you make it like a national mandate like that you can't do or a national law that you can't do

25:46 I remember when I lived in San Francisco, we lived in a gay neighborhood. I think people should mind their fucking business. I don't give a fuck about these hoes. Yeah, how many women are out there trying to stop Leave people the fuck alone. I guarantee you my daughter keep eat pussy better than you Joe Rogan Wow And I knew Mind your fucking business

27:58 Click licking spirit To this day They should embrace those people to care about someone's in a relationship then it makes them very righteous in their enforcement of those rules. to curse. I hear you. I'm going to spell everything wrong, What, Joe? Some days. You're talking, you know, are you obesity? there's a bunch of white women as like a scam. So I threw a party for them in Atlanta, invited 600 people down VIP.

31:48 I didn't even notice. I used it for myself. That lady sounds like a stalker. to clam through my one and I'm calling the police. they can get your number. I got five phone numbers. I do have your real phone. It's like you know so many people and it's just like you get have no problem. I just say, hey, I saw you on Rogan. I can't give money. You know what I say?

34:50 First, here's the story. I don't give a fuck about your first sock that blow up. I have them on small scales, but I just keep strolling. You gonna see me on TMZ with my wig on the ground, one titty hanging out, hitting the motherfucker. I don't trust nobody. I don't need he retired. Motherfucker went out and bought Why? Let me tell you something they have to be like really trained.

37:04 and they like to fuck people up. We got him in cages, because I'm building a house. for their cage the other one It's a it's a different kind of dog because there's a they're big that's mine right there Who played Marcellus Wally. i think it was connie corsos but they're they're a very effective attack dog no something though A lot of dogs. Well, I built a dog house 600 square feet for them.

39:19 It's like you have an elite athlete that lives in your house. They ain't my lawsuit. They ain't my motherfucking dog. Yeah, they're about six, seven months. When they get to be like two years old, that's a terrifying animal. This is the one who killed the delivery driver? Jesus Christ. Yeah. Does that fuck with your stand up? when he was working He don't want to say fuck off

41:28 But I'm having a blast at V103 in Atlanta. Does that fuck with you, though? No. No? I only curse when you can't curse i only fuck with you though Houses. That's a lot of work, right? So I said, well, I've got to keep my mortgage at a certain amount so I can go to Walmart if this shit don't work out. Is it wild for him? Hey, I say, nobody's going to listen

43:40 you know, That's a real American success story because it's a hard thing to do while you have a family to just get out to the clubs every night because you've got to start at open mic nights. But she instead was like, I'm not going to leave my father here with these four kids that, you know, because my niece left him. He's like, that's all you made was $50, $200, $300.

45:34 I'll tell you when he realized Can't remember the agency, So what year was this? It was at the Pimp Chronicles. He goes, I'm a little motherfucker. His delivery method is so unique. fighters don't go into the ring with a full stomach no one i'm sleepy at eight o'clock yeah He always brings like a big Bluetooth. So I took that from him, too. Okay. I got Liz Phair in there. Some country music in there. It's all mixed up. I got Liz Phair in there,

49:20 me in the mood. So them two is Yeah. I come out to her every fucking night. like what's famous what's funny what's good I don't think kids know good shit like we used to Probably just hip shit. was just looking at a motivational uh fucking thing and i got like 1200 of them just every time He about to smoke weed, a good conversation. It's the same shit your school teacher try to tell you.

52:36 But like David Goggins, like someone like him, like just his, you know who he is? No cartilage, no meniscus, just pounding bone on bone every day, just dealing with pain. Oh, you're such an inspiration. I mean, it was life. an inspiration and at first I was like no I'm just somebody who went through some shit but then I He was 22. And think about all that,

55:40 You're the one who handles all the bills. It's amazing. And fuck everything else. Even with the kids that I'm raising that my niece left, I don't have to be Miss Pat. If you don't get no man, I'm going to take her pussy and use it. It is. My fans is an extended family. And she told me when I was going to the Emmys, she said, I'm so proud of you. feel no way I didn't go there to win I went went there to say, to just look around and say, oh, this is what this shit is like.

59:27 Yeah. Yeah. I lost a spell in B in school? so back in the day, Those are the kids that could read and, you know, just, those were the smart kids. I said, I want to the smart kids I said I want to be in this group I want to be in this group because instilling things in me that my mother could never instill in me it's great if you can get a good you don't even pay no bills what the fuck am i respecting for somebody who don't even know how

1:02:15 There's a different feeling that kids have today. and I said, where to hear that. the black lady knew who I was. old son, a 24 year and a 20. You're not cursing in front of me. You're not disrespecting me. We're As much as you cuss? Yeah. Hell no. Don't you cuss in front of me, hoe. with your kids cussing. Don't fucking You don't say that in front of them.

1:04:56 You respect me. I sure am. I say, erase it, bitch. No, it's disrespectful to curse in front of your parents. I'm like envisioning it in your house. Oh, my God. You got to do an episode about this. I fight back. I beat your fucking ass. You can say that. And he lost all his fucking weight. I just say, son don't do no pills. I don't want him smoking cigarettes.

1:07:50 He be like, Pop said I could drink a beer with him. So I don't accept it, the weed. It's so hard to lose weight. certain calories not that my Ozepic, yeah. So I just started walking. People found out all the celebrities were on it. I think it was me because I thought I took the shot. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, do that because it would be easy. I'll find someone for you.

1:10:52 that tastes good, though. I'm not going to last. And I love the kale salads at Chick-fil-A. It's like the funny thing is they close on Sunday. It's amazing that nobody figured out that chicken sandwiches were a big deal before Chick-fil-A. He ain't give a fuck. And so my daddy called me and loaned my daughter his car one day. This is my favorite story about my daddy called me

1:12:51 He said I don't know I said, take granted for about two hours about my daughter Oh, that's hilarious. You can't pray nobody out of eating pussy. You're just going to make someone hate you. life. Who gives a fuck? I got an overall deal with Viacom. You know, the biggest thing that're wasting your life. You know, I don't know, They're not going to close that place.

1:15:18 That's the best way you can go. Yeah. Really? Yeah. The one in Florida. I don't care for the one in California. Really? It's virtual reality. pissy. You got on it? Like, there's so many people it was that unreasonable. What did she say that was so questionable? That's what you see. I'm sure there used to be a word for these people. I know and love trans people, but erasing the concept of sex removes the ability of many to meaningfully discuss their lives.

1:19:19 as I have over the past couple years. Like the one who was in prison and got the women pregnant. And beat the shit out of them. It's cult Yeah, it's ridiculous. it's very different yeah my shit come off sticky But I'm quite sure they still support her. They done a shit load Each book is a season Who that woke will fuck up some shit, won't they? is like this TikTok famous person named Dylan Beaumont.

1:22:47 Well, it was that and it was also the person who was running the campaign said something about fratty senses of humor, who's an attention whore. God damn. over maybelline pays trans woman dylan mulvaney to model its makeup yeah joe she's beautiful joe cut the shit no cut the shit she's pretty no no what do you mean no no i don't Everybody else who got plastic surgery.

1:25:26 Yeah. Oh. because they just kept nicking and tucking until they got it right. I think what they do now, like if you look at the nip and tucks today, like they're pretty Let me say this. and got his eyes redone is 88 To the point, you can't even, I mean, he almost can't open his eyes anymore. I just can't believe that. Yeah. All they want us to do is fight.

1:28:03 They put small things for us to fight about. Yeah. Everything. Yeah. So all of these years years you work to have good credit you paid your bill on time so you're gonna punish me by doing It doesn't make any sense. that this i saw the meme online for sure going around but I had read an explanation that like it wasn't accurate thank god because my somebody

1:30:20 I don't know what the number Yeah, it's like they're taking a risk. Well, that's what this world is. You know we know that. at and then someone could decide I say, fuck you, bitch. It's my pussy. You act like you knew the daddy. You ain't have shit to do with that. they got their stuff into a situation and they can't take care of that responsibility.

1:33:24 You're not and no Oh, 100%. I'd have slapped that Dama Lama. Yeah. I'm going to tell you right now. that's... Proof. There's two things I was going to add before. See, this is Tibetan culture. the region was ruled by Long Drama, who was known for a black tongue. interesting yeah but that has nothing to do with sucking on a tongue there is a bit if he said that

1:36:57 I'm sorry, y'all. So it's not like a position he earned, you know, through being this like incredible person that everybody realizes like the reincarnation of some so who's that to him I don't know I it's like my hand hey thanks you. Let me show you some artifacts. visions, and reading spiritual Right away, with his little keys, like, come here. And they're like, that's him. they found him. I'm quite sure he had a great life as a Dalai Lama. Right away, when he was a little kid, he's like, come here.

1:38:59 Took him off to live in the lap of luxury. They don't have relationships. Yeah, because they were trying to kill him. Everybody. need the bustle nut too yeah if there was prostitutes that only specialized in special Oh, my God. Mitzi Shore founded the comedy store. Damn. What? Yeah, that's who that is. I don't know who that is. Mitzi Short founded the comedy store.

1:41:18 We have a sign that's a neon sign that's modeled after her signature. A lot of the teeth, I can tell you that. I just always loved those things. This is like in the 90s. I was a crazy person. Have you saw what they did to those goldfish? They'd bite each other's lips off because they were trying to steal food They have fur. I don't know. It was big.

1:44:02 Let me see if I can find it. It's on my Instagram. It was a fucking, It's my poach. Oh, my God. Is it poison? The shape of their head should tell you. this fucking snake So he said, to hang out together. Right. Because I was going to put him in the trash can But that snake scared the motherfucker. so big. in the city of Atlanta, out fly a that was the scariest shit i ever seen to see a fucking real owl the way he came out that tree i

1:47:17 He wrote an amazing He said they watched one. a three-foot wingspan and giant talons. So I'm like, what the fuck is that? I couldn't call the police and say, come get the owl. Why does that have no feathers? That wing looks tasty, don't it? Like a little bite-sized morsel. When I was, when we was tanning at my house and putting the concrete down, Came back and got the head.

1:50:02 They're keeping it clean. Well, they need to take them to New York. You take them coyotes down there. They get in the walls. They'll go up your fucking toilet. just having a good time. My husband, I go fell back. The other rat looked like, He went back through that hole, and he never came back, Joe. They used to fuck in my roof all the time. I said, it's a fucking squirrel down there behind the sofa.

1:52:49 in the ass They're cute. I'm quite sure squirrels bite people. What? the other one will come over They fall like really far and hit the ground just screw it back up the tree again. He suggested in his topic as a fact checker on episode 206. I joked about everyone believes it hunting mentors, and more. and they can throw the fear of death into larger gray squirrels

1:55:43 specifically targeting the testicles. Yeah. Why? Let them be your aliens. can go up our asses. I don't think that shit is real, Joe. I don't know about the abduction stories. I don't know how many of those are real. I don't think that shit is real, Joe. Ruben, you been gone three weeks. Their daddy came home with them kind of stories. in my family.

1:58:33 You're driving by yourself. That might be Elon Moose new shit that worked this time. believe in that bullshit. You don't believe in it at all? ain't nothing out there. Really? to ugly-ass people. when they're seeing You don't believe in ghosts? but nah you don't think there's another planet Like, until it hits you? Yeah, we didn't even know how to be in the house with each other.

2:02:04 But it seems so long ago. All those people lost their businesses. Small businesses, mom-and-pop stores, They gave a lot of money away. the criminal trial with the dude from the Fugees? Tupac said he was FBI back in the day? So here's one story. universe, I decided that I will testify. Oh, he consulted with the universe. I like how people He's an agent of China.

2:04:41 to get the U.S. I'm like a pariah now. I'm not exactly sure what he did. See why I mind my business? Joe, ain't no fucking aliens here. Mitchell? Yeah, and then it says somewhere around here, like, a cryptic line from a song in 96 is something about what the Fugees were trying to do to him. Mm. Not a bad side gig if you come with health care. Witness protection?

2:08:16 There's a little better explanation maybe. themselves from future prosecution that's what like FTX did that Wow. his plans to make donations to the Democratic Party in 2012. you get a sticker conversation with them and he gave them information. He for China, who was working to get a Chinese criminal billionaire extradited back from the U.S. hostages in China, while at the same time being a liaison for China, who was working

2:11:06 Oh, must be fine. testifying in front of Congress. Leonardo DiCaprio, former Attorney General Jeff Sessions, Lau, I don't know how you say it, So he's fucked, man. If they they made him he's going to jail 22 years i think it says oh my god 22 years what is he 50. Me too. How weird. Lau paid Michelle $20 million in 2012 in order to get a picture of himself with Obama.

2:14:25 well somebody donate that type of money you want to know who it is it's not like me who give you looking at him like how is he living like that he ain't telling nobody. I'm running for Congress. No. Everybody does. They're all pretending. Nancy Pelosi house. At first, I was like, what is going on? Knocks him out cold. Yeah, you want to watch it? I'm questioning you now.

2:18:06 Why wasn't he calling the police then? So he's in the house. You hear him snoring? good sleep. Is he okay? Yeah, he called the police to say this guy's in his house. That's like that man who went over to that pizza shop to say Hillary Clinton was... And one of the kids out of the basement. That's what happens when you listen to all this bullshit. you're seeing something right in front of your face and there's barely a blip of outrage and

2:21:34 Oh, Miss Pat, I miss you. I've been hearing nothing but great things. Oh, you're going to love it. They're going to love you't wait to show you the club. You're going to love it. I can't wait to come. I've been hearing nothing but great things. They all fit and muscly. they come there on a diet now because Tom lived in this real shitty apartment, Have you visited them?

2:22:47 Because when I first met them, you know, I think they, did they have a baby? They love it out here. I've never been in a place I like more. You're perfect for a radio show in Atlanta. Let's put in the universe, since you got stars in your fucking ceiling, the HGTV show first. You tear it down, I'll help you put it back. I am. He's like, Pat hired a general contractor.

2:24:46 elevation certificate was. That's the house. I finally finished the dog house. That's Here we go. That's the house. That's incredible. And it has, I can't wait to show y'all what we did on the inside, You don't have to ever worry about him being aggressive. I love this dog. But that's what to worry about him. I love this dog. Or you could like if someone came over the house

2:27:09 Each kennel is divided. playground back yeah that the dog house you just saw i'm getting that's gonna be gated into and Guarantee you they're going to start killing shit. opened it up uh got in it just fucking cuts all over his face. He's clawing to play with you but they're so fucking heavy. You got to get them to listen to you. dick hanging out yeah he wants to

2:29:21 being in the cages The installation is going up. You never built something from the ground up? And I called a lady by some doors, a little white girl. I'm going to send my husband I said and she knew exactly who I was and she she jumped right in, Joe, and helped me with my project. Burness and Cheese. And so now I order wonders. Did they install them?

2:31:51 Then I, oh, But one text message, Well, it's an amazing accomplishment You've got an incredible accomplishment And just, hey, become a crack baby on Facebook. All right. I'm excited. I'm going to go put on a new wig. I'm coming out to the mothership. All right.