Joe Rogan Experience #1989 — Andrew Dice Clay Transcript

Transcript

0:00 the Joe Rogan experience He's doing the Joe Rogan experience. I like the chrome. Thank you. Those videos that you're doing with fans, you were, first of all, you were one of the I got a little beef with you. I don't mean alternative in a negative way. I go into the kitchen, club soda, red straw, $5 tip, and you were just going ballistic. his set but you were right because the guy didn't stop and he was one of those well that no that guy

3:54 That guy had done that to a bunch of other comedians before me And then he threatened me. with Diaz and he gets in a little argument with someone. outside to continue to fight you're ready to cut some guys i know the ds story too though the ds Because I've told the story before, but when I was 19 years old, It was so fun. I remember. That was my touring.

7:25 know this is before any kind of social media this is 35 years ago yes the ad Oh, daytime dice. New York. the same area where Diaz was going to cut And I said, what are you doing here? and I'm thinking, who's his manager? You came up to me like, you should do the road. And I just was It's the greatest place. That's why when let me tell you something. When you're the

11:14 Ban from MTV. They didn't know? Dice ultimately does the fucking. Right. You don't come out on the MTV Awards at the Universal Amphitheater So I don't really want to go nuts. Arsenio's the host. Stretch what? Now, you've got to understand, this is not HBO or Showtime. me a signal ladies and gentlemen the last puritan share and she comes out singing if i could turn

15:44 He went out of his fucking mind. Young Jamie. Yes, sure. And he was doing, I don't know, 4,000 or 5,000 seats a night. He's finished. I'm not even a singer, you know. It was just one of the crazy moments of the backlash of my career. It's not why I do it. see that was great about you. You didn't stand there like a stick figure. You were And when I would go back to Brooklyn my mother who was the one who

20:34 and my mother would say to me, well, what are you going to do? You know, that's how I looked at it. You know. I might have met him and forgot. Oh. I love that about you. You thirst for knowledge. He lived with him for 10 years. And I'm going, look, I could wiggle my toes. But remember I said about a little beef with you? I'm from Brooklyn. Do I do a Brooklyn sweatshirt?

25:17 only girl since I'm 17 that I've ever lived with we haven't had an argument in nearly four years. They get scared if they see a fly. the lion isn't the king it's the tiger yes tigers up lions do you understand what you've done to me yeah they're bigger no but you don't get it my whole life i've based off the lion The king just has to be a real, like an alpha dominant male of the pride.

27:53 And that's why he could beat the shit out of everybody. Yeah. All the male does is protect his children from other males So it's a rough neighborhood. What tigers are is just this ultra beautiful killing machine. Wow. Oh, okay. You're never going to find those fans. Why North? Well, the pyramid is the way it's set on the earth. Yeah, the eucalyptus, yeah.

31:25 Their entrances are all on the north side, and the temple of the pyramids are on the east side. I think more likely there was a very advanced civilization and they got wiped out by some natural disaster. Some of them were 500 miles away. by these super sophisticated machinery that we don't understand today. verified 100% impact on Earth somewhere And Graham Hancock says it best.

34:04 for learning and everything that has brought you to this level where you are today. I'm just giving you kudos. carried. I'm not even, and if you're missing a limb, it was 10 grand. I'm not even kidding. But there was one guy I really felt bad for, He's involved in this. He realized what I put in his cup, and he came. Can you see? thing I'm looking forward to is I'll talk about the comedy store, but the mothership, I hear it's

38:07 Like, it's just the greatest club you could play and that's why i'm excited can can i even say i'm just doing the show like yeah you it was a fucking explosion. The Garden, which was filmed for a movie. It was amazing. So there's all these new comics at the store. filmed and filmed and filmed and one night you're looking and you got this puzzled look and I'm like in it, you know, and you come over to me and go, guys, can I just ask you something?

40:46 See, that's why you've made it in the business, dude, what are you filming? I go actual reality show. And I used to love, like, even Paulie would come in and go, dude, what are you filming? Okay. No, obviously this is different. because you are wearing that. Oh, nice. Bro, this hat smells terrible. I did three nights. Okay. Okay. Half a tickets are gone. Okay?

43:40 think that's what i came there to see because I didn't send the clip of that, but the audience would explode when I would get to the bridge of the song. That's all right. Mama don't told me too. When I would do... They came to rehearse. I will get to love you. Look at you go. So you were upset that they never brought this stuff up. And we basically got chased out of,

47:12 and then back to Brooklyn from 13 to 21, I was always able to do. So I'm picking up summonses from attorneys walking in as that guy. No, yes, yes. with fever and he dances. Great. But the night I saw Grease was the night my life changed. And So I went to a studio on Kings Highway in Brooklyn called Fly Studios. these two guys. There was an intro. I got my whole family there, my mother, my father, my sister.

51:40 That the guy in the middle, his name is George Schultz, 62, holy shit. Anytime Brenner was going to do the Carson show, Now your own parents watching Joe go on stage doing an impression he was doing at five. And I'm just committed. I'm slicking my hair back. down. I come up to the mic and I'm like, so you thought it couldn't be done, right? The place went nuts.

54:40 Yeah. What? It's $50. And then everybody starts talking about what just happened. before he opened up okay I must have been 21 then I thought I was 19 yeah You know Rick Rubin with the beard, the whole look. I've got to do another show, you know. you know, very different human being, And on the way back, you know, I say to Rick, I go, did they put up all the posters like you said they were going to do?

59:14 fucking album well then i suppose you'll do what you like i'm like don't you ever get mad So when it came to the day the laughter died, You got a drunk in the front with his head on the table and you got four comedy you know and now Okay. these real fucking out of town is from that this guy really looks the fuck around when I'm doing this? You know, that's how I would get.

1:03:10 What's that? Let me tell you how I found out about that album. Would give you real good advice. He's out there bombing. You don't know how much that means to me. It was crazy. This is beautiful performance art. You would choose so i get called into david geffen's office and he goes you know and i'm with rick He loves it. and Elvis fans from way back are always Elvis fans.

1:07:55 because in comedy why would I because of the drums and the singing I go just When I came down what I called the runway walk from Westwood, If you're in my way, I'm going to get you out of my way. Because I did that whole Travolta act, and by then Stallone, I'm doing Sly is Rocky in it. I love Alan. He did all that. Because this one comic who you know, Mitchell Walters, came back to Brooklyn.

1:11:13 because there was no job I could have. Like it has to come from neurotic, self-deprecating, like it has to come from these sort of nerds who are like bullied by society and they're funny on stage and they can tell you what the fuck's going on. When a guy who comes along like you is very confident, Because when you... Like his style is so strange. But he had to become that guy to figure that out.

1:13:18 I'm all of it, you know. Because any girl in her right mind is going to go, get the fuck away from me. I wanted the acting career. I had two careers going now. I was building as a comic. Actually, Hackett. They weren't good-looking people. He's not even a comic. And I go, because it's never been done. She was at the Meadowlands, which sold out. he came over to me, he goes, I've seen every comic comic I come to every one of Rodney's specials

1:17:53 What do you think? Bottom line, album comes out, four days, gold. to go, how do I handle being Elvis? because you wanted to be first, nothing to compare yourself to other than other first see i grew up like i said i didn't care Now, Johnny, we know where his career went. Rob has a more low-key career, but he's a big star. That's how much he loved me, to show me twice in the movie, making the grade.

1:22:11 Are you crying, Dice? No, no, no. She was a great girl. And I was there with one of my wives at the time. And they rewrote the whole thing to make me the star of the movie, So if you could think of Casino, I played in Crime Story the Robert De Niro part, NBC. But it was an expensive show to shoot. So Michael Mann directed one of the only episodes that I had a giant part in. Now, if you think of Casino, Joe Pesci bangs Sharon Stone. Okay.

1:26:14 or real criminals, but Dennis Farina became a gigantic actor, And Michael Mann's talking about that the show's going to get canceled. you know my arms up the whole thing and he goes all right so what do you need to talk to me about now Michael Mann at He's going, what are you talking about? I go, way bigger. I go, but the show is just too expensive,

1:29:26 page was my picture. I'm sitting on a chair backwards with a real attitude. And then the And at the end, I write, The gigs just started coming. movie producer so who was the one that picked you guys um that's a question I Kenison, you, Dom Herrera, Bob Nelson. But you see, this is where I'm different than other comics. and i'm going to play america had you done any kind of comedy special before that no no nothing

1:32:30 Everything had to be right. guys, but back then comics didn't have each other's backs. It's just the way it was. So I go over to Rodney and I go, Rodney, So he basically wore the same jacket you were wearing. Bobby Lee's out with a great guy. It's not like that now. and hang out when you saw me filming at the store it was all the new guys right the show was about

1:35:35 came over to me at the Comedy Store goes I'm gonna open for you one day I don't it's scary because i know what it was to see big stars at the store and i'd never go over to them He's not wearing socks, and there's snow on the ground. I had a lot of agents by then, you know. that's what I need done. the TV sitcom. The best. I mean, I'd look at the crowds and go, I don't know what I'm going to do.

1:38:30 and he sits down and he starts And this was the start of it because he calls me up when we're going to do the Universal Amphitheater. But they take Lenny now and they put him on Frasier. 300 arenas. Well, you're people up to 19. 300 arenas. That's like if I would've... I only had been paid for comedy Okay. It was a good set. He goes, kid, that was hilarious.

1:41:21 I was on stage at an open mic night once. But wasn't Dice Clay not Dice Clay? like violence. I like a little violence. I get to keep the cup. I mean, it's Yeah. i do it's my hobby it's i don't do what you do i mean the first time i saw you honestly i think And I thought that was amazing. and I know how you are cuz I I know you for years so I should know you work out and I know everything with you I know

1:43:59 The only way your body has the proper fuel Well, you should try the carnivore diet then. Have you done the whole time of that? right about that but what i am glad about is that you know i had a heart attack when i was 60 okay And I know I look normal. And I was like, I'm not canceling my shows. So I would make the whole thing. Like, I don't like when people like use the C word.

1:46:55 Okay. Yeah, but that's what I'm saying. It's kind of replaced the C word. It's just a... I mean, imagine. She's like, I spell it K-A-R-Y-N. Yeah. I fucking doubt it So it's almost like you're calling somebody something nice. You know. What do you call it? when the guy's head is buried in the pillow? You make it more exciting rather than a dimmer. Mix it up.

1:50:32 but i don't really think like i have a friend that said to me on the phone he goes look and what's signed to you and what do you do to to make a dollar and the next thing you're just banging into this fucking marbleized meat steak you know bullshit grocery $3 flower. I go in, the flower guy knows me because I go, today, the torvays, oh this is so sweet thank that's how how i've been really my whole life but not but you you're

1:53:05 Like Bob Marley didn't really shoot the sheriff, right? so obviously whoever's reviewing it is not representing everyone because You can't dictate. Yeah, it was a brutal time. I do what I do. it was always about acting to me. your thoughts are great you're a worldly guy. And now you have basically the biggest audience in the world. and this incredible comic-slash-performer,

1:57:07 Chris Rock, amazing. Amazing. accomplished is this one became popular. That was really where I really decided. Okay. He's amazing. I just forgot her name for a second. Club Soda, you know. I think so, too. It's the balancing act of the positive benefits of weed and the memory loss part. Why did you quit the cigarettes? Oh, no, millions that have gone around in a circle, you know.

2:01:05 So I lose a quarter million within, I don't know, an hour and a half of being there. And that's happened a bunch of times cannoli kings now he does parisi's coffee you know and it's incredible coffee. It's what I drink every day, you know. You're on in 10 minutes. I never became like a recluse. So at the Mirage at that time, I only had, it was like a $75,000 credit.

2:04:10 And this guy's killing me. so I could cut? Louisiana. And I said to the pit boss, I go, Would you mind if Don't worry. And I go to the end of the table so I can lean across and cut the cards where I want. I go, Archie, you see that last chip in the $5,000 lane? I'm going to take the ace of spades and then I'm going to take the ace of spades, and then I'm going to take the queen of spades.

2:07:26 the way I'm saying it against your pay what do you say and she goes we're not allowed to do that You're guessing the actual cards. So now I look at this woman. There it is. so that's one of the gambling stories but i always tell people about game I want to know why you thought those were gonna be the cards like what is that cuz I'm you And I'm not a card counter.

2:10:16 Do you think it's a gift? Like, when I'd be failing everything in school, Okay. talk about Eddie Murphy all the time cuz Eddie came out on Arsenio he was the And he gets out of his car on a side street near Crescent Every other comic opening their fucking mouth from Jay Leno to George fucking Carlin. Like, he used to stand leaning against your motorcycle before I ever made it.

2:13:30 there it is. Right. And what's funny is, I think that's 90. And actually one of those girls were pool inside the house. That's the second time I was in Penthouse. You know what I mean? You know, I'm not like those guys. guys what did he say Oh pussy it out like they all would you know George so he just piled on I was never a Saturday Night Live freak.

2:16:55 sit down just like me and you and lawn goes yeah it's been a rough day you know i go alright yeah alright what are you gonna do right Lauren And then Sinead followed in suit, Well, it certainly seems like that because it's you though, you know? You were the whipping boy when it came to what they would call blue comedy. Yeah. with eleanor playing a club in virginia i was standing on this corner with like five different

2:20:07 Just stopped smoking. That's hilarious. Smoke. And he had a body like Tarzan. Let's start from the beginning. For a while, you popped out. That's our research. Running a gym? Go fuck yourself. You know, just gone. They're the best. I couldn't even tell you how many. whether it's movies. one's really getting shot so what the fuck are you worried about it's like equalizer but the

2:24:31 you know we've been so held back now like comedians for the most part are just being held back let me tell you something, I keep saying it, dealing with this, but And, you know, And if the heart can't handle it, won't let you do it it's that the last 35 that's just the overhead right Right. You know? Very stressful. You know, I've gone through a ton of marriages, you know?

2:28:23 There's a lot, you know what I mean? She's fantastic. She never puts the fun. put her on stage she was off stage in four minutes that the crowd didn't even let her get going uh it was at westbury music fair and anybody else would have quit the business from that my two favorite openers ever. Because I actually got, when we were in Canada recently, so I only

2:30:38 He's better today than he was 30 fucking years ago. There wasn't that many. Yes. But I was like, why don't I just do The Day the Laughter Died live? And these are people that don't know me. in the background like we look for targets i call them That I'm looking at this woman, and I'm like, watch this. you know what I mean find another one we don't have to play this

2:34:05 All right, you ready? Yeah. Give him a third one. Play that one, though. This is so... Like, Just The Way We Was, that's one of them, right? That's not my stuff. You don't do that ever? Joey Pineapple from Christian Singles. Yeah. because of these shots I've had in my life that, like I said, he was getting ready to do. And I told him it's been tough.

2:37:51 He goes, to me, you're the greatest comic ever, hands down. And I know we're wrapping up, but they're called It's Still Rebel Band. So I started working and doing what I originally set out to do even doing, you know, working with Sebastian Stan Right now? so I'm doing two shows there in June you know, in section 200, where I'm the size of an ant, and they're going,

2:41:24 Like, even even you know and I go, somehow my straw was choking Moby fucking dick to death, you know, and I'm eating cardboard out of the cup but you know somehow my straw is choking moby fucking dick to death you know and Yeah, I just did Edmonton. So sometimes I stop in at the Cellar. The stiffness, you know, gets to me. Like, I could imagine, you know, I know he's gone,

2:44:12 There's something about doing the clubs. So Axl calls me, and he's talking like common sense to me. It'll be great. And I'm filming Slash. I got to chill. hang with me and sit at a little table with him and my girl and his girl. do that because I'm playing the entire arrangement by heart the whole band is reading it off the because he knew I was close with the band.

2:48:26 And I didn't, you know. So I come over behind him. spangled banner at the uh football game today and i look at him i go really that's what you did a 17-hour flight for? I go, that's big. And he goes, what's wrong with shows up late for some of the shows. and asked him to come check out my sons on Burbank Boulevard. more okay he turns around to me he goes they're ready you know he loved the band that's awesome

2:51:18 and my son Max, I said, well, that's what's got to get fixed That's the troubadour. really people to know that. That was my favorite lifting music. Come on, man. I love you very much. Bye, everybody.