Joe Rogan Experience #1994 — Theo Von Transcript

Transcript

0:00 The Joe Rogan Experience. is that no one knows who's going to be on them. It should be the Mothership. All the way from Nashville, Tennessee, D.L. Murray. It was crazy. I respected it. on. Yeah. i think i think so too because you get to be a surprise like there's not as much surprises anymore It's like it was waiting for us. and the box will pick up random signals,

3:56 It really does. something and they're really focused on it that they can make something real you can actually Yeah, you did. that you have to deal with at the club it's not not not a big deal yeah you know and y'all don't night though they got some good i'm not eating it but uh atel got something from some high-end pizza place. Hoboken something pizza something.

6:28 Probably just some busybody that just didn't get all their stuff done oh they were lazy when they were alive so they hang around How old was he? If you're 20 and she's 17, people will get very upset with you, Who knows? old boy, I'm like, all right, dude, how was it? It's a very different standard for men and women. But they get this. You think they don't?

9:07 You need to go home. He's just trying to bust a nut. I don't think a child, you know. or complicated organism, rather. Although I did see a deer just a couple of days ago on my street. So predators might not see. The mother, always close at hand, tends to circle back towards where her baby lies to get the attention of the predator. The Henderson State University.

11:39 Dan Henderson. Their unique scent is how their mothers identify flops up and down when they scream. That's not a big elk. Look at his dick though. Uh, you know, what's crazy about them? They're only horny like that for like a month. Yeah, thank God dude Don't show me this. You know how many people have died taking selfies? See, she was posing for a picture here and the bison sort of just said, get the fuck

14:16 With her stupid backpack filled with fucking Capri Suns. Cambodia yeah Give me that sandwich Like a Maltese. The head of this orca pack. And they're teaching each other how to sink boats. He got pushed off the front. Some people get whacked and it helps them. It helps them. Those LTDs or whatever? at least nine other whales to attack Take action. Yeah, they're fucking up people's boats.

17:51 Here's a can of tuna. You know, a tuna is just for us. Oh, my God. company's called but they do wild caught they all do line caught salmon so you're getting wild salmon Of course it did. I want to be on a lake. I used to have piranhas. And watch them kill it? is my first place i want to design it how i want or were you just it was because that's a big thing to think about it was i first first getting money

21:16 know my dog is like so domesticated he's so sweet and he's not like remotely threatening to anybody anybody comes over Yeah, they'll fucking hug you till you're dead. Yeah? He loved it. Was he 14 too? Some dude will fuck you up and suck your dick. Oh, dude. they're real sweet and everything and if you get a good one you train them right and raise them right they're so loyal

24:17 They let you know when people are there. if they didn't have a husband, I remember. he was And my pit bull had longer ears. He just couldn't get to them and they would be fucking with him. And he would go crazy. He just couldn't get to them, and they would be fucking with him. i'm alone in the house and then i hear i hear this noise and i look out the window and i see frank

26:37 and he got out and so So this Israeli dude came over here. And he was the welder guy, the fence guy. It's a different kind of dog. Oh, that's Mike a crazy dog. It's a different kind of dog. Yeah. He's like, oh, I'm going to see a gal. basically a wild dog that he fed. It was a And all he just had his own, like, plan or whatever? That's what he did.

28:50 think just like i would be so nervous around them you know and um but you should be if they're not And I was like, who in the fuck fine, you know? Suzanne Somers. I had just It's not lunges. She's still What happened to it? on the show anymore. gonna fucking you deserve more money yeah it's just like what happened with Call Her Daddy. Her name is Stephanie.

31:25 And then Portnoy told us the whole story. And then there was negotiations. And on par with what her co-star Ritter was making, John Ritter, Is that what it means? You know agents will ruin a lot of stuff and oh god. Yeah, it's unfortunate, huh? Yeah, omnipresent and entertainment contracts So she probably didn't know that he was getting paid So that was them back in the day, man.

34:01 of a bar talking and i'm walking up and i'm like, I thought maybe the world had shut off or something What is Noises Off? It's like one shot. Yeah. Yeah. I met a few of those, too. Yeah. Was he on Little House on the Prairie? like the man from Atlantis Wasn't him? That's right. Yeah, that guy's got a hard drive. 1977 and 1978. Because he would swim in this weird way.

36:45 Nobody swims like that. This is stupid. What's going on there? Yeah, but trying to get a mitten on would just fucking... unless you i mean take your fucking glove off you need to use your fingers like how good are Like, what were we looking at? Like if you have a 12-inch dick, you're an idiot. How many people can enjoy that 12-inch dick? What? You got to find your way through the passage.

39:06 She can stop the process of it. It's not a straight shot. and it was having a hard time crossing something. So because it was touched, I guess the female just didn't want it anymore. he's probably good what did he smell like abba albums and paul mauls yeah exactly what's on his feet are hanging out the bottom? Yeah. Yeah, where a girl is That poor guy.

41:36 Phillip and Josie react to the world's biggest penis. That's the guy? Dang, dude. as that thing. Yeah, that makes Meow. 132-pound scrotum. Because more than one dude Let's fire up. Oh, Jesus. Let's fire up. Right down Santa Claus Lane. That could be the older one, and this could be the newer one, but even still, it's only Got them. I think we've used

44:51 Dude, you know where I got to? Yeah. big, though. Yeah, you can get too the crazy part is, that guy looks The improvement is what's on the right. Oh, he had Oh, look at that one. It's like his skin is dying. That's him. He got better. Some dudes Look. up your fucking health? Obviously, you got uncontrollably larger That would hurt so bad. Yeah, because where your toe connects like that happens on your nuts. That would hurt so bad.

48:02 It sucked because you're walking around and your feet hurt. and you got this big old dick I'm not on the apps. I think a lot of women would want to see it. Yeah, come see my terrarium. Maybe he doesn't want people to see his dick. They might you might remind them of an ex-boyfriend. They might think you're too confident or they might be playing power trip games. Yeah

50:26 Oh, my God, I love your dress. And you know it's pure. But there's something gross about when you know someone that I know this girl Unless you're on Yellowstone, I think it's amazing that all of Hollywood has the same political beliefs. He's friends with Whitney. I know the movie. Really? Yeah. I remember when he was in... This is bad. Makes you want to do drugs and go to Vegas.

53:27 You never saw it? He witnessed his mother's self-mutilation. He's got something to say to them. It's a great scene. But you see, he was like kind of half goofy. Oh, okay. People were fired up. Oh, I think that's animated. and a monster was born. And Swamp Thing's just riding a truck. That's a good point. then you want to ask them more things like about that they know about that you don't know about.

1:00:26 Some people are weirded out by that. And you see them lock up, and they're nervous. just weird the the numbers that's what weirds people out the numbers of humans that that freaks Yeah. Do you find that when you're doing podcasts? Am I having, you know, kind of what's going on? No problem in my personal life. I was achieving a certain frequency at that moment and I realized like this is attainable and this is what I should strive for

1:03:50 Yeah. You really want your energy to be at the best possible state, but you don't think about it that way. like just in things that we blood pressure yeah in little things that we earplugs yeah i think i've heard everything that you can hear at night What is your morning routine? I pray right when i wake up um do you have a specific prayer yeah feeling like my day is just like happening to you.

1:06:38 I've been doing that probably pretty solid for, I would say. but I think also just Yeah. That's a problem with getting caught up in the momentum of your day. day started off with the right mindset and that dude was all about mindset yeah mama mindset you Do you live in a noisy place? Yeah, it gets noisy. You know, I miss at the store. That's Joey. He murdered.

1:09:38 I'll do the 10. Yeah. How is Dave Chappelle here? How is this real? Oh, dude. I remember watching Joey Diaz He's the I would find myself get when he would when his music would come on Always. and it was him and Lee Syatt, you know, There's a video of it, of him producing the show. So Lee's trying to figure it out. By the like trying to figure it out by the end he's eating

1:11:39 we manifested our own You saw the devil. Right there. And so we went to the Waffle House because it was open, you know? He's, like, kind of convulsing a little bit, my buddy Scott. Did you tell him he wasn't choking? These guys try to give you a Heimlich. Do you have a beverage on this game that I can have what would you like? You want a Kill Cliff?

1:14:25 Yeah, he's in there. Yeah. I feel like it can be done Yeah this is my own He's a really nice guy. Keep hammering, dude. caffeine all day today because I wanted to wait till I had some in here mmm you know you manage Wow. me tired like i was tired oh i'd have a cup of tea and you start to shut down yeah but the first Because I feel like the more smart you are, the more you take into account all the possibilities and all the variables and all the things that can go wrong.

1:17:12 I'd be like, what am I doing here? is like smoking five cigarettes and then she would fucking hit it and no joke her hair would curl Oh, you're battling still. I hadn't had that in a few years. Right. It's also, like, it can't be good for you. Like, what are the ingredients? That's got to be bad for you. FDA, they're all in cahoots. vaping propane... That even was from

1:20:01 propane glycol safe. It says both propene glycol and vegetable glycerin are considered safe to use in vaping products, Okay. Well, definitely throat. Like, do you know those, what are those called? No, no, no, no, no. You're not supposed to drink a full one. This is two servings. Then it's one serving. You're going to put a little cup on top of it and fucking pour a buddy some?

1:22:29 Yeah, but just Google Live Free because it's one very specific. This is what it looks like? Yeah. substance kratom. It's his fault. because it doesn't say I think so Classic tonic, feel-free tonic. Lion's mane is good. so it's mostly kava and a little bit of kratom total alcohol it's alkaloid so it's mostly kava and a little bit whatever the fuck is in there.

1:26:06 So do you recommend it, you think? and then also you find out the guy was an addict, He looked like a reservoir dog some people live in alternative realities Sometimes I'm jealous of those people. Some leading to liver transplant But I wonder if you, like, take it with glutathione. a little bit tonight, I think. Yeah. How do you feel I always just judge,

1:29:11 And then I get up in the morning, I'm like, oh, you fucking idiot. how to lick my hands and then rub it into my eyes whoa so that i could even blink well jesus I used to love that shit, boy. How addictive are those things? Oh, my God. It's not a lot of dudes that really have their shit together that are hiding under kids' Let's not get hasty here. this makes a whole lot of sense

1:31:53 It's a slightly different thing. I'm not breaking into houses. and hesitate to seek help. I would just ask everybody if they live there or not. Yeah, I'm talking about, like, a regular house, like your house. I'm trying to think of what else has been going on. he's not very forthcoming and honest with everything, that's what they get into in this is like how big the marketing got there was

1:33:51 Oh my God. Thunder. But the thing I find interesting about this guy is he started off his career as an Elvis personator, It's a very interesting documentary. That's what he looks like. I'm trying to think of the first sneaky guy I ever met. The kind of club owner business. That's a deal. Thank you. I remember. You remember? Oh, that's all you need?

1:36:10 Dude, you sound like a guy crying in the 40s. to quantify ourselves and how we're feeling and stuff? Like we were in the Bronx. And one of the things that I saw, like immediately, for seven, eight days, I ate nothing but meat and eggs and fat and bacon and nothing else. a lot of bread and bullshit and just shitty food, your body uses so much resources to process that.

1:38:59 day like oh boy i'm tired there was none of that there's just So that's mostly on the keto diet. Well, it's carnivore diet, I know people that function very well on a vegetarian diet. allows us to remain in ketosis. Oh, okay. So it's good. So whatever that is, that's how I function at my best. Or what were some of your methods you used to stay away from it?

1:40:29 You know, if I had a couple of cocktails in me, though, I probably would have grabbed a slice. I'll do whatever after that, boy. No, no because with hormone replacement and all the stuff that I do The real problem with people is they get out of shape and then getting back in shape is very hard it's a fucking grind yeah it's a grind and for me for I have to do that purge.

1:43:00 Oh, in a heartbeat, man. And so, yeah, I know that it makes me feel better if i do something athletic where I would like to do it again, Eavesdropping on nature's nuts, boy. Feeling it. battle to keep myself even so instead of dealing with that it's at a more intense level i choose Sometimes with a little bit of motivation to it right Be very, very smart, very smart.

1:46:35 And you fret about anxiety. See, what's the. Sometimes we go get ice cream, dude. They're fucking anxious and you're right if they come over and they're always fucking tickling you then you're gonna fucking feel tickled all the time Get your work done. maybe those people just aren't doing the work. Maybe if they just got up in the morning, and i don't think it really bothers me or anything like that but yeah it's kind of the same with

1:49:32 I don't know if it is, Yeah. Brian Simpson was telling us he went through a brief period of time where he was doing He said that? He is so fucking funny. he's been thinking about it for a long time Like if I have new bits, there's a lot of disorganized moments. It was fun. Yeah. Come on, son. Come on, man. There I am. Murdering. I'm like, I am not going to your fucking fugazi retirement party.

1:52:52 And he has a time period trapped in him that a lot of people don't have it. Give me some of this. I'd like to think my friends wouldn't pee on themselves. Look at him back then with the long hair Yeah you're right I mean, yeah, if you got a fucking kitchen or whatever. Yeah, yeah. We're better than that. these people are working staff i know hi how's everybody doing i can't believe it's real like

1:55:34 It's the environment around the block Us moving here was a big deal. point like was there ever a point where you're like i don't know if this is going to work out four feet on each side so i got the construction guys over here before we poured the cement so all the rebar yeah well we got now it's perfect yeah Louie's awesome man Louie Louie came on

1:58:06 north korea has like an executive position on the board of the who see what that is He was an environmentalist. Environmentalist. but he's about like vaccine efficacy, right? Which means I think like- So they were doing the work of the pharmaceutical companies, which they've never done before. It's unbelievable what's happened with all of that. The Sackler family wins immunity from opioid lawsuits, which is fucking wild.

2:01:10 fucking hung, dude. It's evil. Hey, guys, opioids are addictive. See, the thing is they're collectively worth $11 billion, and they had to give up $6. They were aware of it. But that means they had all that profit. Profit. Advertising for pharmaceutical drugs on television. And this is why you should take that. and everything looks like a great old time.

2:03:58 You take those pills, they're not going to invite you to that cookout. of a problem. I don't find advertising in general to be a problem because I believe generally, It's such a huge chunk of the advertising budgets Well, they think you do. injected with some experimental medical thing. And that's fucking horseshit. That's never been And there's a lot of documentation about this.

2:06:53 There's a fucking revolving door, and it's evil. A regular person can't. they say as being fact. you this before they had their primate testing facility in our town right yeah and um a bunch Women like in their cervical cancer, I believe but they'd already made it and they're like it'll cure It'll stop polio, but some women will get service. So they just released it. Did you know that polio?

2:09:10 Now DDT, they don't use it anymore in America. Now I'm like, I don't know. I don't know what the truth is with whether it's smallpox or polio. There's gonna be some problems and they don't want to advertise those problems I need to get boosted. The doctor's like, it's enough. DDT is considered possible human carcinogen. You don't even know you had it.

2:11:58 That was a lot of people with COVID. two days. And during those days where I was working out, I was like, Ooh, I feel weak. i think it was orlando did another gig we're doing arenas right and it's in this in the round so it's And that night I was like, God god damn i don't fucking feel like shit Yeah. Like that night, I was like very sweaty. veterinary medicine.

2:14:40 first of all. It's a dumb fucking way for them to say it's just fucking shitty news. Yeah, that was crazy. I mean, but yeah, that's one cool, that's one cool thing that Bobby knows about. Because two people, I think the way it was is, like, two people in the placebo group got COVID. at your i think it was the uk parliament and they had to explain that there was no testing done

2:17:11 That was a lie. And that's why YouTube pulled your video. Yeah. vaccines, and Trump They pulled it? But it also could just be. So then it makes clips more prominent. So then they see them. Yeah, I'm in. be also, I don't know how the algorithm works, if his name is getting propelled more so then it makes clips more prominent so then they see them. Well, how about the number of people that died that didn't get diagnosed?

2:19:40 I mean, don't do that. The monkey was hanging from his feet, and he jacked off into his own mouth. I could see you having a snack. and people are going to find you. Bro, you're dying. I don't think it works that way. Oh, come on, man. And it's a snowboard Oh, my God. He had a shovel in his bag. Yeah, and he has to get back up. That's insane. What are the what are the odds? Oh?

2:22:51 Oh, my God. This guy was done. It must be exactly what it's like to be born. Because this has happened. Like maybe if you make as much space as you can when you're in there. with you. That's wild, man. he's got a new lease I think you have moments where you realize you're alive. It's that same sort of like. Like the wind, like you think the wind is do you think we could ever decipher the wind?

2:25:42 Well, it would definitely be telling you something if you're an animal, There's like certain parts of the world where when storms are coming, Everything seems fine. That's the wind. You got a lady friend? Maui. Did you go to like Four Seasons or something? Did people weird out by you? Oh. Yeah. No. So, yeah, I went on and I had a nice time. I didn't know that.

2:28:56 How do they do it? I see to be Filipino. You're like, Or Sonny. You'll be like, okay. I mean, I just, I don't know. Yeah, they make me the happiest when I see them. You're walking around in flip-flops. Well, you told me about it before, I think. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Ooh! Bro fuck that Oh, yeah, he fell overboard, right? Ooh, disappeared. Yeah. Is he dead? He disappeared, yeah. Ooh. So he's either.

2:32:19 Do you see the video? Nothing's out there. I'm pretty sure that's true. like in a bunch of rocks and i'm like this is real scary so i had to come back in and i knew it was And that thing just leaped out of the water and bit that dude's boat. mother nature is gonna have a play in all of this why does mother nature go after the sackler family someone's beating that person up, you feel less likely.

2:35:16 people, this provides them the needed relief from pain. And if used correctly, there's not an issue, painkillers I go well how painful is this gonna get and he goes well a lot of And they remove all that stuff. yeah there was nothing wrong with me like i was fine like after the operation after i woke up from the anesthesia i mean it was didn't feel

2:37:45 we're so used to also we're really comfortable just taking whatever's going to make us check Well, a lot of people have a really hard time delaying gratitude. Yeah? I like how you just pointed it out. Something about feet up in the air, whack it off. Maybe it's the earth itself that's trying to give us messages. my dad was 70 when I was born. My dad was an old man.

2:40:34 record and lying about his accomplishments and like he's always been a problem yeah politician And so they went with this corrupt career politician. Yeah, I mean it's wild stuff man fuck yes. Does that make any sense? And if you have a left-leaning politician or a left-wing Democratic politician, and then you have this media that essentially works to support that person.

2:42:54 I think one thing that we need, I think, would be nice. dollars because they tried to have this pride selection oh yeah Stop shoving this down everybody's throat. dick under him or whatever yeah i don't think they have those but but they will soon they yeah You got to fucking look out for yourself, dude. You fucking changed, bro. An app where I say, if I support this company, right, with my money, what does that company

2:45:55 You need one that's down the middle. They make hunting gear. a lot of the clothing that you're making that they're making is made from china a lot of the clothing that you're making that they're making is made from China a lot of the Yeah. The hunt's over, right? No, this is my buddy Caleb shot one. Yeah, they fucking snuck up on some that were in the locker room, bro.

2:48:28 Every now and then, you catch one slipping. Do I hear pussy? We should take you hog hunting. I'm so not interested in that. All right, well, look, man. Like, pigs are a weird animal man if you let them go like do you take a domesticated pig and you Yeah, it's all called Suscrafa. But agriculture pigs, like pigs that Oh my god, they're delicious. It was delicious.

2:51:11 wild pigs. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You have to cook bear like you cook bacon. Yeah, they're just hiding for your whole life That's a good question. It's always a pleasure to hang with you.