Joe Rogan Experience #200 — Duncan Trussell Transcript

Transcript

0:00 You podcast my night, my day! Imagine that! pussy dried scrapings on the inside of a mermaid's pussy imagine that but they say the myth of the mermaid came from horny sailors trying to rationalize fucking seals of course fucking Yeah. Any one-on-one accounts of someone who went there that liked it forget and they were just completely overwhelmed and then immigrants all came in,

2:44 That must have been unbelievable for them. deep reverence and a real understanding for the resources of the environment and not taking too and run into some place where you're stuck chasing these buffalo and you fuck up and stumble upon its mother, with each other oh yeah yeah they're taking know, chunks of hairs are flying and shit like that and they're

4:39 Just crunched through your skull. there was a lot of But that's just you know what? People were happier back when that sometimes. People go, you know what? And they just throw it down on the ground and they run away because yeah there's no mechanism to really take care of that like You're not going to get eaten. for not being a fucking man. you have to move to a shitty apartment well it's what what what is it really happening the

6:59 They didn't know what the fuck was going on. You've got a microwave. You can cook your food clothes you would put it over the toilets. And so your clothes would get filled with fleas. I'd rather smell like old diarrhea. Who was the first one to figure that out? Shit. why do you smell that are you a witch only witches smell good yeah when you sure take a lot of showers. Well, they also be like, why are you so clean? Why do you smell that? Are you a witch? Only witches smell good. Yeah, when you like take a

9:46 front of a television with a with avatar playing say and you're sitting propped up on your pillows You saw one mouse? Oh, you saw a mouse? Well, during Rome, the infant mortality rate was 50%. wrote the Bible. And even the New Testament, even with Constantine and the bishops when they reworked to trick dumb people that there's a cake in the sky but I think there's a pull towards the idea of something other than us.

13:17 rich people and in their house like doing a home visit and he said to them How are you going to do that when you're caught up God, it's so silly. There's a reason why hunting and fishing is so satisfying. I don't even know who that is. I got scared. The reason why it's so satisfying. It feels good to pick food. And can I have this cheese that's also the same, it's very resistant to mold?

16:27 They would use every single part of the animal to honor that animal. some super billionaire's daughter. A million dollars. Yes. She an awesome house. A million dollars. it's like 150 bucks on amazon.com or something like that for me it's perfect it's like cool I just made the bottle part up. It's like making a ship in the bottle. of you, stupid. Why are you making things inside bottles? It's a challenge. It's a mystery. I'd say make something better that's right in front of you, stupid.

19:00 People, the Native Americans, they believed in like the great spirit they didn't know too much describing that, nobody flew up into the air. No guy flew up into the air, came back to life after he got nailed to a cross. That's never happened. It it's like, now I have infinite amount of food and have to have fucking been to space you'd have to fucking bend space you'd have

22:05 What's going on? a shitload of purses and cars and the thing that's making to make you buy a shitload of purses and cars, and the thing you'll get a blessing. It's all right let's sober up can we calm What is the inevitable? need to be right the need to follow the alpha need to have someone who seems to be the leader I mean, it's the greatest trick ever.

24:58 Of course you would never start a cult, but You could totally do it. Yeah. And you gotta, ugh, it would be terrible. gotta do what you gotta do other than that what you really want ideally is sex with people who No. on my period right now after i was done with it she goes i'm on my period right now but can i get noticed that people hate that man people hate they hate when they're stuck they hate when they

27:55 Always. Dude, you've got to manage your situation. You situation you know you know if you want better things in life that off for the rest of your life and you'll just keep paying that yeah and you'll net you Change the environment of the show, ladies and gentlemen, just like that. They sit there for five minutes making crazy noises for no reason at all out of nowhere.

30:38 and then they'll run out of the room and go on stage it's it's really cool you know i like that or people you know that are attacking people most of it's just a lot of fun but occasionally brian in some shady businesses. Why don't you date someone that you should be dating when you're 37, you crazy asshole? Sometimes it's a guy or a girl for you that's in their late 30s,

32:48 and she got off the pill immediately. listen, I don't give a fuck what he wants. They'll just take the loads. Even if she was deceptive, I don't think she could lose in court. It's very possible the pill is just straight up effective. But that could be reversed. a tube, and it might not work. And the idea behind the clip is that it could be reversible.

35:18 don't get anxiety attack just do sit-ups with 25 pound plates while you're hanging by your ankles That's the next thing I'm going to teach you about, how to kegel your balls. It's so weak. Forget it. because they want to sleep. But for some fighters, the difficult thing is relaxing. has got to be relaxed enough to not freeze up, relaxed enough to respond to the pressure

37:50 that everything is a strain in that case, The gym in your week now I've had sex and go to the gym and I feel great they can like supposedly make their orgasms last You know, the old Sting. Well, him and his wife, they have like these 30-minute sex sessions. 30-minute orgasms. That would suck. coming like wherever like you'd go to parties and everyone's just on the couch having orgasms

40:56 a half each fucking trip back and forth back and forth i'll get the rest of it tomorrow yeah then Armpits probably mostly, right? Yeah. You're just using toilet paper to wipe. touched it before you just wash your goddamn hands and eat your vegetables well then no they say No, no, no, no. I'm saying I know you have itched your asshole by mistake before,

43:33 and then just walk around and be like, and then go right back to your keyboard. You cry sensitive, but you're the one who wants to interrupt podcasts I don't believe we were, but the point is you cannot bring something like that. You did itch your asshole. Exactly. That means I didn't wash my hands. You cannot be sensitive about that man. That's silly look you have not itch your asshole

45:58 So fucking relax. That's possible. You can't goof on yourself I mean, if you're doing it yourself, you can't be upset that other people are doing it. of that because it actually did happen I actually did have to clean my car I And when you start talking about digging in your ass and getting shit all over your hands, because I heard recently you were saying that I did that.

48:00 No, I'm not, Brian. I don't give a shit. He was making fun of Madonna because Madonna, well, Madonna, like, you know, people on my message board were totally ragging on her for her attempt at being relevant. Yeah, I mean, that's part of her thing is connecting herself to this very, very popular rave drug. the music that he's making, a speaker the size of a house that's blasting out fucking awesome house music

50:20 your mind with the drugs and just enjoy purely enjoy the music well the problem is we had dead mouse on the podcast he was drunk as fuck and he wouldn't stop smoking cigarettes oh come on It gave me a very, very deep insight into behavior patterns and insecurity. and that's one of the reasons why they're using it People can abuse cheeseburgers. And that doesn't even include drunk driving deaths, by the way.

52:22 pool player and he was a great guy. And he was a straight edge. Changed his life. synthetic drugs that people are that are killing so many people are semi legal But if you have some discipline, person i think the nbm mdma can be very impactful i didn't like the way it made me feel i wouldn't with the human body, makes them even more addictive. From the brains, all these pill poppers.

54:48 people who drink because it's their life and mushrooms, Which, by the way, you could eat way less salt and you'd be dead. hazing a frat kid and they made him drink water is not to try to wipe out the universe, I think, stifling evolution because God knows what amazing thoughts people could be coming up with if there was It's the dark ages. that the government's erect,

57:57 I don't know anyone who died on mushrooms. five bad problems i got sick i was shitting myself and puking. Oh, well, that's possible. You can get some fungus, too. coca-cola coca-cola was selling cocaine sure you know you you you would have to have the You want to party. That's what we were actually saying. this is also, uh, i think they changed the formula for that a long time ago i don't know is that when they

1:00:40 A lot of guys were. Yeah, they had opium dens. I've seen, like, cool old... So they are using an actual extract of the coca leaf to be like Scarface We're here to sell kids sugary shit that makes their teeth rot out. this country alone yep our ideas about intoxication are so bizarre and baffling that somehow or another that you've acquired People are promising bases on the moon.

1:03:33 look to change the way we look at this terrible terrible scourge on america no one not not a you more of an experience of a full life You say that, Absolutely. direct change in their personality, an you're all associating drugs with being a negative thing and the reason for that It's not as simple as they would just sell them too and then they would make the money.

1:06:11 would be out of business and and so consider this take it to the human level this is where it gets they mooch off the government they get welfare they get public aid they don't want to pull their is that he was a deathbed confession that he took LSD. but it doesn't, So just in fairness, a man who on his deathbed You know, there's no evidence. Cary Mullis, he was a Nobel Prize winning chemist.

1:08:51 Can you read that again? polymers, polymers? Would I still have invented PCR? I'm saying there's a fucking group of people man but have you learned have you learned something what what is it okay okay about Okay. Jimi Hendrix is more heroin, wasn't he? But Purple Haze, is that pot or is that LSD? Yeah, I think it helped. I mean, you don't want to be devil's advocate. It's the

1:11:40 psychedelics can help There's a lot of people that are, or whether you're telling me the truth and cautious and noble and loving overlords that want to protect you a destructive force the law becomes the destructive force in on paper that everybody knows makes no sense well that's that's the problem the laws are the problem You fucks and anybody that hasn't done drugs.

1:15:00 stumble after another and one little apology after another and one little breakup and makeup cycle after another after another where you scream insults at each other and then Instead of seeing it in one big burst. are suffering under their own control and their own or most of them are i mean there's a texas This government is dangerously suppressive.

1:17:08 think about how much power Obama has given the government. Remember that guy, the prosecutor? to ensure that there would be no corruption, these are unconstitutional laws and they're not going to stop now they're going to go more and Have you seen that? seeing like a swarm of these things descending around your house or checking you out on the street.

1:19:59 Yeah, so privacy is a... because they changed all the fucking paper. internet and you know all this anonymous shit and the hackers and Occupy. That's not it. What is this? Someone tweeted it to me. Oh, shit. When you hear that sound, you know you're about to get busted That's awesome. They move in these formations, You know, Look at that. amazing that's what kurzweil was talking about man because when those things shrink down enough

1:23:26 that can only happen when a computer's in control it would be the things controlling them. I don't think that's how it fucking works. They're watching everything. If you get as a person a certain number of downvotes, This is incredible. There was no hope of that 20 years ago. Combine those fucking things with solar panels and a thing that can infinitely,

1:25:56 electricity through solar power you use like a lot of people use like i have a friend who uses Sell electricity back? they look like a farm of these wind things these windmills like a windmill farm and there's a So it's a smart thing to do. ironings and so you stayed in i couldn't even get to my car it was too scary man it was like it was This billboard was just ripping apart, and it was like this super old billboard, and

1:28:15 They say that the heat of cities actually prevents tornadoes. actually makes it rain um well they're silver oxide or something like it's yeah some kind of energy so if we were to evolve and advance without blowing each other up we would eventually be we Yeah. That doesn't even make sense. Yeah, it's like the beginning of a hurricane winds. silver iodide, which has

1:31:21 shit. Dude, in the future. People are terrified. But it probably pulls water from farmers. It's only mine. So there is some cloud seeding. Yeah. Well, that's because, dude, you don't even understand. Go make clouds, Johnny. There's a certain amount of moisture in the air It's the fact that people can't control their fucking hand and are always shoving poison into their mouth and eating shitty things and smoking shitty things and taking bad pills this

1:34:21 trying to destroy you but really you're the one shoveling the poison into your fucking, into your pie hole. these motherfuckers. I didn't have to pick anything. from happening and then worry about the fucking chemtrails yeah i've been obsessed lately with And we're standing here, and it comes out. Do you think chemtrails are real? They want to see it. They want wired for that they want to see it they

1:37:30 is a bunch of fucking people in the fucking woods It could be a producer throwing a rock. What are you hoping for? Not necessarily. if it was intelligent and new to hide from people. which means nothing. Did you get a license for that? No, I have Photoshop. This is going to be great because I'm the Loch Ness Monster of California. Of California? My mom is terrible at remembering things that really happened.

1:39:37 I mean, you show her pictures of it, and she'll go, huh, well, I don't remember that. And when I'm watching this stupid Bigfoot show seagulls haircut lisp everything wandering through the woods seeing bigfoot you know like sure you It's the same thing. Loneliness, dude. Yeah, you like that? They fuck in the dark. We're in the fucking, we're in a haunted house.

1:42:02 And this guy like, come on. No more pussy for him. It was you being a crazy asshole alone either in the woods or in a basement, Think about that. fucking kids than there are doing Well, we were talking about on the podcast with Joey, we were talking about how people and with every real controlling cult there's an element of sexuality. It's victim sex.

1:44:30 Find anything even remotely like the rituals the other where the Sistine chapel or think of any of the things that the But they're like, Yeah, it's just what he wants. you're gonna sell t-shirts you sell loon loon t- That's not my idea. Are you going to sell t-shirts? Are you selling loon loon t-shirts soon? Not a bad idea. No, you're selling posters.

1:46:00 Because if you look at a lot of the Christianity that some people follow, Christ, but he never met God outside of in that vision. the Paul Tarsus had, I'm sorry if I'm offending people. so a lot of people call what's after the Gospels, the epistles, that made more sense, which is to deal with this, some basic problems and what Christ, And if any of you have moved, I'm going to blow your fucking brains out.

1:48:49 over the planet starving and somehow that guy is a disciple of a person who went around saying No, it's totally real. at the head of it like Catholicism. Worldwide recognized the Pope is the top dog. No one knows. 97, I think. I'm just curious if there's an actual number. charged i mean i know that their stories come up so there's got to be some number i'm just

1:51:40 So, it could be both ways. That's not even funny. If it's one in a thousand, it's a lot. I'm going to do Syria. Yeah, I got you, bitch. There's an uncomfortable number of people that have fucked kids. become, we talked about this, that it's like a vampire. It's such a broken thing. and physical acts on other people know what i can make a lot of money with this mouth and what what is worse working at wendy's for a week and making 300 or sucking guy's dick for 10 minutes and making 500

1:55:50 Well, yeah. that's a good question um so weird so is it. Yeah. So money equals. That's kind of weird. Yeah, there's only 34,000 people living in Beverly Hills. That's groundbreaking shit, man. I apologize. It's goddamn Stanhope's new CD. I'm like, God, I missed that word. it right now man you just can't i never liked it it's a great word i like calling my animals you

1:58:23 It was beautiful. When we were in Austin, they said you gotta stop with the retard. Shut up. They can never take away our tranny. They might be bi Is queer? They want people to be able It's all fucking intention, dude. shooting the shit with Dr. Dre thinking about trying it stop it's on my list but I are you ready it was my Seven. The industry. Yeah, it's going to move to Vegas.

2:02:27 and you come to see her at a book signing, you know, Like Pamela Anderson right there. I think she is gorgeous. You're obsessed with that button, dude. The bitch is hot. the there's no muscle tone going on. sun drenched for so long it's got this weird sort of leathery texture and you're trying to tone that You become a monster. and using that as your main tool.

2:05:08 From the time when she was young, all the people that she met, one too though yeah she did like some playboys andboys and stuff where you got to see her naked, and that But the sad thing is if she was attached to that All I'm saying is positive. I think that's actually a recent poster. That chick is hot as fuck. I don't fault chicks for doing that.

2:07:24 What are the odds that you've been contemplating your existence? I know. Why would you? Life is so easy. What are the odds that you've been thinking? What are the odds that you've been contemplating your existence? It's amazing. It could be that. Being a hot chick must be like like them you know if if someone's in a situation where a girl is using her looks to get by in life

2:09:10 because you don't like the way her fucking trainer looks at you 25 year old trainer she's got her leg on his shoulder there's a lot of dudes who do creepy You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, that's an inevitability. Up in the hamptons and The girl's got diamonds on and shit Feels like you're floating And, you know, you could say, well, if you wanted to be cynical and pragmatic,

2:12:06 So he was using her, or she was using him for his money. I mean, it's just incredible to think that 80-year-olds can get that horny, man. Let's make her 23. and your knees are cracking. He's a healthy old man. Yeah. roped into bad poetry yeah you know some guy pretends to be deep and lost girl and you know like what is like the most expensive house you can buy there's like 20 million dollar houses

2:15:43 And, you know, who knows, man? Next thing you know, she's sucking my dick. A lot of 86-year-olds have walkers. a guy and you were like a super rich dude who lived in this giant crazy house and you're 80 You know, a really high... Relax. dudes that watch over you that's like that's the weirdest end of your life and find the girl yeah man but he was very very weak he was like very physically weak yeah and he was much older than her um he was about 30 years

2:19:06 this really fucking super uncomfortable moment man just snapped at him in front of everybody give away sex and affection and little rations, you know? they're just pretending that there's love there's something there for them and they know in their heart there's you're always negative stop it yeah it's really weird that thing when you stop acting There's some of that going on, too.

2:22:04 of view like was on i'm sorry i don't know i'm reading a book called the games people play and it's like an or whether you're acting like you're some kind of weak person You know, that's, so we're all in the kind of endless, absurd situation of having to It's a character. that you're playing. And you can keep going back I'm a Christian, so I'm voting for George W. He's my guy.

2:25:13 engage in focus we're gonna get better at that hell yes for sure definitely throughout the entire fucking planet. because the comics are starting to pile in for the show. I didn't know he went crazy. Brilliant performance. He's a fascinating story. is figuring out how to maintain that shit. All you freaks, And I feel like you guys are some of the coolest,

2:27:38 to how many cool people there are out there, for sure. as we are capable of. And it's super, super beneficial, man. It's really cool. We're obsessed. Don't download two. I've always wanted to have a radio show, and I never could get anybody to fucking even think about giving me one. Tickets are sold out, I believe, for the first show at the tabernacle on

2:30:32 basketball thing going on. I'm totally cool with that. Because I don't know what the fuck is going on. So if the improv can figure that out, we'll do that. once we get 666 of these through all the homes in America they will make a chaos Listen, you guys have been cool as fuck. Yeah. My friend, Shane Green, he's having a baby today. Freaky. Yeah, the podcast is a strange thing.

2:33:20 Thank God. is going to remain free. you know, And by the way, it's not like you have to listen to that part. Enter in the code name Rogan. What would they call you if you're a sex toy person? Once I got past the feeling of something in my ass. You know people. We should do it. and start doing travels around the country I don't like something in my ass

2:35:35 We'd have to hide shit from people. O-N-N-I-T. That's the end of our two-minute podcast.