Joe Rogan Experience #2005 — Tom Segura Transcript

Transcript

0:00 The Joe Rogan Experience. hard at it actually it's crazy i mean you so you've been so consistent it's amazing Yeah. You want delayed gratitude and specifically for your physical health, at the end of the day, I feel like a loser. It's one thing if it's, like, I need a you didn't get ahead. You didn't, you didn't. I think your mind needs rest days. loser thing that also but there's also this even like another layer to it

2:47 Yeah. you don't want to do it you do it then you feel better afterwards like in little bursts of that And so every day I just got up a little earlier. You can definitely get your heart going. What the fuck? Wow. I do not like a cold gym. where Tommy Hearns And the reason, Like the sauna So I'm already fucking exhausted. It's like running with weights on.

6:32 15 in a month? Yeah? And then the way that a cold drink tastes right after that, it's unreal. Yeah. I fill up like a big canteen. but like I have an evening one So I always try to do it like at night too. That's a big thing. right you've been injured you're gonna be a mess you're gonna gain like a hundred pounds Wow. She goes, you know it's going to be the opposite, right?

9:43 So we have to break Bert's arm. And Bert was like, I can't go out. You might not have been why he was saying it. You know? that was part of the discussion. I think it is. He's having a good time, though. It is pretty wild. I'm not saying you're not a ticket seller. And then what happens is you doing these low, Right. And take them with you on the road.

13:11 It's a good living. You know the story. yeah no and also you're just Like, when he first told the machine story on my podcast, who the fuck is watching it? I know. because I started to do I go, He's like, I did it. Well, I could go the other way too. and i remember i'd go to the store and i'd run into someone was a full-time comic and they're Like, I mean, I'm not living in a...

16:13 Like people see where you live and they're like, Yeah. And then you could eventually make more money doing that. When I was a kid, I thought 56-year-old people were archaic wrecks that could barely stand up. the luck of timing, right? Yeah, totally different life. Oh. It's very nice. and this Have you ever seen that video of the guy who's playing the banjo and his arm is broken and

19:06 Yeah. Maybe you can bring that together and play the banjo? I mean, imagine how weak that guy is in arm wrestling. there's no hinge anymore right so your knee doesn't you it just hangs right it's a complete, complete, like debilitating type of injury. That leg, that's going to be your problem. my left rhomboid wasn't even firing. Right. So what happens is when you're, when you have like

21:29 It's just doing it on its own. Yeah, that's really good. Especially like the bicep tendon, things like that. signals through your arm with nerve issues yeah And that was actually the big turning point for me. It was that I had kind of recovered for the most part from the injuries. And I was like, okay, I'm like healthy again. And I felt myself But I just, I kind of was like,

24:05 It's wild. Today was a Neil guy steaks and bacon. yeah you have to have some sort of fats so like i like avocado oil um i'd like some of that primal That's most of my meals. Like I think most people are in, you know, there there's a scale of how much inflammation your body is carrying. I think it's sugar, but I also think there's a lot going on with wheat.

27:01 And by the way, if they're measuring it and you're getting an average Like how bad off are those people? Like what? And also because I'm somebody who I can just, And you go like, okay. you. I can do this. That might be my favorite treat of all. I mean, I do have an affection for croissants. He goes, I went and picked up the best croissants in Paris.

30:07 You know how to say them? We don't say a croissant de chocolat. Did you see what's going on? Big ones. This is way, French teen shot by police officer pleads with rioters to stop the violence. It says police standoff. The prosecutor's office said in a statement a passenger in the car was briefly detained and released. these riots though yes okay. Isn't that crazy that

32:52 You know what people have to think about with cops? And the reason why they get road rage is when you are on the road and you're driving, you're in a heightened state because your car is going 60 miles an hour. I forget where I read it and then when I read I was like duh who've been shot. Their job is to be the enemy of the criminal. person getting pulled over for whatever you got pulled over for if that's your like mentality in

35:14 Yes. Like, it's so disrespectful. ever have an interaction with a cop it's's always, how you doing, sir? Yeah. What's happening, brother? Everything good? Yeah. I don't like those generalizations with anything. No. the mechanic it can be car salesman the cars oh fuck the car salesman flight attendant yeah and I was like, well, I'm going to zonk out here, so maybe when I wake up in a little while.

37:53 Did they just fire a bunch of people that had been there for a long time and hire a bunch of new people and pay them less? I just went, yeah, I think I'm just going to sleep. Yeah. You know? It's still staffing. And they're like, yeah, the crew's not here. I mean, commercial travel just needs to be revamped. Oh, yeah. That's my guy. Some people got fired.

41:12 They want to work in their pajamas and jerk off. So the people who, if you have these big commercial buildings, And he was met with, like, such total resistance because I just realized I had to allow it. Wow. So people just say, no, I want to work at home. Yeah, and And it's a sizable operation he has. Wow. I haven't done that now in two years. I wonder what happens

42:59 If something's losing money, people don't just go, For homeless people. So are you saying, when you say forgive, who are you saying will, are you saying that the Right. debt that you can't declare bankruptcy yeah that part is that's crazy that's Right. I wonder what it is. I'm pretty sure of that. Whoopsie. But, I mean, isn't that, like, you see what I'm saying?

46:21 Yeah. That time frame tuition costs at public four-year colleges grew from $4,160 to dollars to ten thousand seven hundred forty and from nineteen thousand three sixty That's what they wanted to get rid of. And so how much have we spent on Ukraine and how much are we going to spend on Ukraine? You could do more with your money. And they hit you at that same time at the student union with your first credit card.

48:17 I need to build my credit. They just don't. I'm saying at any level, elementary school, high school. You don't learn about thinking. like one of the most amazing, But you learn to go, okay, that's the feeling. I don't want to learn that at 40. Nope. nobody's teaching you that in school. You know, that's another thing. Yeah. Exactly. It's good for the person.

51:41 and then he gets work. First. It's common in everything. this guy yeah fuck yeah and then you get a juice you get a little juice out of it yeah if you look at it the right way yeah you do In the middle, yeah. It's so perfect. You go to the parking lot. Yeah. Oh, my God, he's fun. Oh, my God, he's so good. 91 and tells me when is this coming out I did Shoreline Amphitheater in Northern California,

56:06 We were like, fuck. It's a college. Yeah, and they've been friends for decades. He's on the podcast Thursday? he'd be like, yeah you know I'm out could do like five different sets. Oh, okay. no he's a murderer those guys That's a skill set. Right. It's a big thing. inner dialogue about that. So I talk to him, and I go, dude, you know, he goes, Not now.

1:00:37 only does he eat shit but he does the same set as like as the first right and i go dude you did the Don't you think, though, that that's like a distraction You're just like not working on anything else, you know? And you can make excuses. I was just saying it, you know? I knew I had a flat set Like, They have to know you're really and hang on to them you have to agree they have to

1:03:15 Yeah, disappointment. Failure, failure, failure. And you know my snap. And so, and he's like, so it's a really weird, like it's an unusual place to tear. That's one of the reasons why I stay strong. my family circle of people i'm around especially guys guys and women i want to make that point too Yeah, there it is. That bottom one, just imagine what kind of damage you would do

1:06:46 And all you have to do, like not all you have to do, but if you want to avoid that path, weight training. this conversation with my cousins and my siblings and my friends all the time who i i see on the The key is a little every day. 10 clean presses each side. It's not a lot. It'll take you two minutes. Do it in the morning, Yeah. Yeah. That's incredible.

1:09:43 That's the thing, though, is you actually start to be drawn to people like that. Oh, yeah. I wanna hang out with that winner so like okay why You don't have to. His dad was 70, six pack, fit as fuck. He still gets after it. You got to get fat. So maybe we're thinking about two different movies. Copland. Oh, okay. He did? How old is he now? That's beer and lasagna.

1:12:20 things to eat for me like an ital towel an Italian sub like a joke with hard and this guy Giovanni you go to his see that one in the back that's the what They grabbed, look at my fat face. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, if you do it all the time, it's a disaster. sort of bonding meetings. I can't wait to go back, actually. Is there already good places? It's so good.

1:15:10 Where's that at? Could that be it? Texas is probably Fixie. Olame, there you go. Ooh. So good. And I almost got it He wanted to like perfect It's like a food truck and it has outdoor seating. Yeah. I might have been high. You know what I really miss? Eat it all. Like, last time I was there, there was a lot of people I knew there. Well, there's one that was near us.

1:18:02 And yet, it's one of those things, the first time you hear it, you're like, what are you Yeah, fried chicken. Yeah, and then the sugar rush waffle. I need naps right after that. And you think, though, that there's people who eat like that every day. Yeah. Your body tricks you into thinking it's good while you're doing it. I don't do it. You guys got ice cream?

1:19:59 I'll get a whole fucking pint of that shit. They might like them. Yeah. invented. Like, full bong rips, joints, like, just eyes bleeding. If you leave a dog around the food at once, it just eats until it's sick. I know what to do with this. What the fuck is that? Oh, has there been anything written about this? The fast food chain gets their Coke syrup delivered in stainless steel tanks.

1:23:09 It is superior. Well, congratulations. Yeah, I mean like yeah Yeah. Extra syrupy, because what if the ice melts? By the way, we're not paid by McDonald's for this. I don't even know what that is. But I was starving, and I had to eat, and I was headed to the airport, Yeah. I don't know what they're doing, but it's fucking delicious. For fast food places, you can't fuck with In-N-Out.

1:25:57 How can you hate their fries? That stuff was invented to lube up machines. But they definitely, I've seen them. Right in front of you. You know what I love? Yeah, nothing's on, not printed though. Yeah, it's a lot. McDonald's burger is like, it was sweet. Oh, she's so funny. Ten grams. Yeah. It's a good move to put that eight grams in there. They have some weird shit on here like this.

1:28:53 i've seen people ask like they follow through with a video and go ask for some of this stuff what No. He's making videos. Oh, really? Yeah. to do is a stupid bit. Back then, companies didn't even care about websites. Right. Is this real? It really has stuck. I saw an article about revenue and the share that they have of the market Yeah. like to fuck guys too.

1:32:49 So now they're advertising in front of the pride people. How weird is it? Queer month. Like, they took over the rainbow. to gay. They were like... Shouldn't we be the Tiger Sharks? helmet now it's the like on the bottom it's like that h you know isn't that crazy though that the You're 99% of the people. I'd go to that straight pride parade and see who's yelling the loudest.

1:35:28 people that are opposed to them yeah so then then you're in conflict now you're part of a gang This is this is the real conspiracy. Right. going on? So there's so many Yeah. follow the money on anything. Yeah. And you see what's actually happening and everything else is It really is. That is a rocket ship. And you're on crack. Yeah. That's what I'm saying.

1:39:00 That's booking, though. That's really, really moving, man. Life in the Fast Lane. Oh, leave him alone. Yeah, man. He's driving in a residential neighborhood smoking crack. Yeah, look at it. Yeah, because they let you, like, head it over. Why would you film it? Oh, no. drugs right and like how they can affect your affect your brain and he said that there's certain drugs that most people most could like do try and and basically you could try it and you might be

1:42:10 He said crack, people that are completely fine trying this and trying that. Norman said he smoked crack once. yeah yeah a good time i go do you know how that story turns out i didn't give a fuck yeah or you don't give a If you do that acid, and then tomorrow I'll do that acid if you're still alive. Yeah, we went to see Roger Waters. He wasn't a giggle fest.

1:43:55 I know, but I was like, why is he so sad? Yeah, I was so jealous. It's one of the weirdest of my homies. He's not that guy at all. Oh, really? Does he have a set-up table at the shows and everything? So like if you're like used to regular pool tables. These are, these are four like. Yeah, and a bar. Yeah. Yeah, these are four, like... Oh, every day.

1:46:04 Yeah, yeah, we play hard. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't realize that. Yeah, two of my security guys are good. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, we play hard. Yeah, I'm playing really good. going to the gym like i went to like a regular you know fitness gym and i just lift some weights and then i started then i had a real problem to the point where my manager goes i think you're

1:47:51 like back then it was very hard to make a living. You know why? I was fascinated by it because it's just this, Couldn't give a fuck. There's no consequences. What you really want to see is people playing pool at the highest level. The big gambling game is a game called One Pocket. And so there's 15 balls. You only have to make two. Which is a little complicated because bar table eight ball, you have to have really good cue ball control because you're dealing with a lot of clusters.

1:51:07 A lot of bar table players have a real solid cue ball. you make the nine ball on the break, that's a game. You won. You make a one-nine combination, And the way you get lucky is, say, if you call that corner pocket You should really say how you do it, but that's not how it works. than most people I know, I think. You're kind of obsessed with archery.

1:52:54 That's another one. But it's just, I know how to like focus on it. if I'm just like scenarios that's why for me jujitsu. The thing about jujitsu is you can't really do it all day long. Your body breaks down. and fucking ripping your neck off your head yeah it's fucking exhausting that's real work it's You meet a boxer in real life, they're generally pretty fucking chilled out.

1:55:12 of mind. Like a great mood. And when you hit clean combos. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Finally, I can do them Well, you're doing the kicks too. Yeah. I used to have occasional joint pain in my right knee too. four cheeseburgers one night or mostly clean i'll have a fucking large bowl of spaghetti sentences, for just even comprehension, understanding. I have more mental energy.

1:57:23 and then you're like, damn, it really does feel alleviated. Let's just say it doesn't do anything for you physically. What it does for It wakes you up and then I warm up through, burnt out the other day. I did, know bunch of podcasts in a row and then I And then I got in that cold plunge. Yeah, you really will feel amazing. They're like, what is that?

1:59:46 has a huge smile on their face afterwards. Yes. Are you sure? Yes. He's so lean. He's go, go, go. the fact that and I remember doing it look at that Right. Yeah. yeah it was really good so ridiculous finally he feels like he has a place where he can go up and he has big crowds and he's appreciated he's Yeah. He's filming his special At the Mothership in August.

2:04:01 and you're like, hey, wait a minute. I go, 100%. Yeah. oh this is really good these are all such good yeah Really? Oh, he shot it? I know. I can't even understand it. So they pulled the whole episode though. I don't know. and I know that horrified people like with jesters or with people that we try and speak up and share. these guidelines so that we only are allowed to speak the truth and the truth is that biden got

2:08:30 That they mandated that that was the truth and so did all the social... 36 counties can give you 81 million votes. See? And that is the truth. And nobody died Mandated. Well, they started Hollywood. hello well you went there you try to get in show business of course it's Jewish but know, and people should be glad that it's Jewish, too, because if Jews were not controlling Hollywood, all you'd have was fucking fishing shows.

2:10:48 sure it has to be but she's she's Jewish she is she it's obvious she's Jewish I don't know the math. Yeah. it's probably zealots that work inside the organization that figured out a way to like, oh, this county's got to hide these ballots. Oh, so he won 477. Oh, so he won 509 counties. I mean, the other thing that that article is saying right there that you're looking at is that Trump won like 2,400 counties.

2:13:42 See if you can find that. This was like on an old podcast. And he's like, yeah, you know, getting bullied at school. This is on CNN. election officials insist that it's highly unlikely that the vulnerabilities will be Georgia Secretary of State's office, said in a press release from earlier this month, And the same kind of fucking people that don't put their syrup in a chilled container and

2:16:28 Yeah. yeah electronic yeah it's a computer system people get in but that was a big thing with the republicans Or was it him and Gore? Okay, look at this. In 2006, serious problems. The county lost 812 voter access cards that allowed a voter to cast a ballot on machines. taxi drivers. In Cleveland. In Cleveland. In Cuyahoga County, it's Cleveland. So there was a

2:18:52 On the show. Well, if they're really good at exploiting it, would you know that you got exploited? Even if it wasn't rigged. Yeah. Yeah. That is in many ways. That's that's an attempt to manipulation. And it was not true. So they limited the spread of that. No one's freaking out. Now this is banana republic shit. I mean, it's really at a level. Yeah.

2:22:38 you've got to let people talk that through. Because if you don't, and you silence debate, Sorry, whoops. The general public has lost a tremendous amount of faith in the news and what they're saying and what's true I see where this goes now. Yeah. And you're like, not everybody really falls into that. Yeah, it could be guns and abortion, but that's not what defines people.

2:25:38 eyes and you don't even believe what you're saying right now. Yeah. The real one with me It's that what arouses somebody is just different than what arouses you. That's what drives me nuts. What are you going to have a baby, you fucking idiots? They should be everybody in every community should be judged on an individual basis Now that they got rid of Roe v. Wade, they're talking about getting, like, you're out of your fucking mind?

2:27:57 from a perspective of someone who values freedom. We know gay people. We know a lot of gay people. I heard they're delicious. Try it out. That guy. calls me He goes, you didn't write that book. Well, the kind of guy who invites guys to come over his house and beat him up and fuck him. Yeah. That's how you know you're crazy. Yeah. these crazy it's a i think it's called a dopamine agonist. I think that's what the- To change his brain chemistry.

2:30:28 I have the court case. when he got on his Parkinson's drug. So he was a Loving husband who claimed Parkinson's His wife, who stood by him throughout, By the way, not a lot of money. He's now been given 160 thousand dollars in damages after a court in how do you say that? Come taste bad. Yeah. on ReEquip. What does it say about the drug? So he still only made 80 grand.

2:33:27 and he stopped taking the drug. He said the court had heard warnings that re reequip side effects had been made public in Is this another one? This could be a similar drug or something different. They didn't previously have causing them to gamble with their life savings or become obsessed with shopping or sex. Holy shit people who took Pfizer's Cabasur and Dostinex between 1996 and 2010 to treat tremors associated

2:36:10 That makes sense. Wow. Great. Oh, yeah? Dana White's a degenerate gambler. Yeah. It's like, blackjack really, It's like that dealer keeps hitting 20 or 21 based on pulling out the cards and then there's times I'm like, And then they go, all your information. They talk in private. do you want to come over here and they're yeah they're trying to get you

2:39:52 well, first of all, this is really hard to get paid. think I'm good for the day and like okay well you know just come back whenever And then someone comes along and goes, why don't you play right here? You get that hit, and then you double it, you know? They're having the best time. That game is fucking complicated. Which is hilarious. First guy ever.

2:41:58 I know a guy. Different way of talking. that game i'm too dumb and disinterested i know a guy who won 60 grand doing that I think the problem with it too is like you're betting against the table And then it hits, and you're like, well, he's not wrong, or if the come point is repeated before a seven, Like it was a YouTube YouTube for a moron. Did you win a good amount?

2:44:31 they're fucking bananas blackjack is just the best odds you have yeah blackjack is really This might be it. It's like one of them fucking, you know, one of those weird casinos. Banging on slot machines. You know, there's like the Bicycle Club. The crazy thing is, like, these guys will just gamble you into a corner Wow, and they're real players. Is he good?

2:47:00 and pool players who hated card players because card games took away from action. That takes away. there's a blackjack game Yeah. I think that was the night they kicked him out of the Palms. at the win And I just watched the guy who was alone at the table And he wasn't reacting to wins or losses. Yeah. It's out to the, well, this day that it comes out. It'll be the 4th of July. It's my fifth special. It's called S mentioned it. We haven't even talked about it. No. It's out to tomorrow. Well, this day it comes out.

2:48:36 That's dramatic, yeah. yeah pandemic obviously influenced that but it made me realize how much better this hour is Yeah, it's a good tour name. Netflix. my dick compared to my son's his looks like a sledge but Netflix I mean it's a wildly different hour with like some local stuff and i did some stuff i wrote in europe because i was touring europe Thousands of hours.

2:50:28 I hope you enjoy it.