Joe Rogan Experience #2006 — Brian Simpson Transcript

Transcript

0:00 the Joe Rogan experience Listen to the podcast, BS with Bryan Simpson. Like when you start doing it for money, you know, you have to do something else so you're not just doing comedy, you know? Yeah. That's where Tim Dillon comes up with a lot of his material. Right. go. And they haven't found them yet, I think they're already gone. 5 or 6 a.m. Thursday, Eastern Standard Time.

2:38 Right. on a little tiny submarine smaller than this room? Oh, my God. If they die together. I think they're just going to assume they're all going to die together. Yeah? Yeah. If they die together. But, like, right now, can you imagine? It was you? Yeah. Okay. according to court documents, ultimately producing a scathing document to which he said the craft needed more testing

5:29 Yeah, that's not enough. It says, Mr. Lockridge reported learning that the viewport that lets the passengers see outside the craft The company sentenced the lawsuit that it appeared Mr. Lockridge was trying to be fired. Look at this shit. It's always money. If I go the rest of my life making the money I'm making right now, I'd be great. Yeah, just about that.

8:21 But it was like, once you pass that, once you're up around there where you can just buy a good meal and not think about it. You know what I mean? I think that's the guy that owns the whole. I don't think somebody was controlling him from somewhere else. On the Titanic. So he went to the maximum, Challenge, to continue to work properly. you know how one of the conspiracies

11:06 Yeah, right? All we got is footage of him inside that thing moving around. Yeah, and that's from the 90s. Because, you know, Avatar 2, when I shot this, the first one at like,'ll be like 50 when I I shot this but if you get of a velvet prison you want that security. They can just go back in time and reset things. Yeah. That's a stupid fucking reason.

13:45 so he wants to and a throne and when it happened to his daughter,. It was an epic battle and when it Thanos, trying to get that gauntlet He's the biggest, four, and I was like, than the movies for people that don't how much they have on the way, too. Oh, Blade? Oh, Captain America, New World Order? Oh, God. he's got a serious neurological condition something's really wrong with him and so he gave up the rights to ai using deep fakes of him for ads and for a bunch of other things he sold

16:55 It's so sad. No, that's 100%. The deepfake companies use artificial intelligence to create realistic simulations of famous figures. I mean, James Earl Jones is going to be making that Star Wars money until he dies. Oh. Yeah, just passive income just keeps floating in for you. Right? Being able to buy what you want to buy, being able to do what you want to do.

19:13 Yeah. that no one's ever built. He looks great. and 40 more in the afternoon. You know, So then I had a hard time going to sleep. That is life. He looks worse, yeah. Oh, that's him? Like, what is that strap on his shoulder? with that outfit, it's probably something happened to his face i think he's just got cold oh that's a different guy he said i tried yeah

21:59 I know a few people that have had that done. But that's interesting that he would Yeah, it's possible. So that thing again, but it's like for a lot of people on vegan diets it's hard to put mass on i mean he looks okay but he looks like you doing? If I went over your house and It looks like his dad's not listening. until like recently oh and they got back together for the transfusion oh man that is so hard for

24:16 Yes. That's horrible. You know what, though? and heart rate variations. I go to pee and I got to do the lean. There's so much data. Like, why is he measuring? You're like, what the fuck is going on? Not bad, but enough, you know, that it's like they're sick. and i'm just feeling the walls by hand you know yeah see that's you got more discipline than me

27:17 concentrates on stupid shit. They get mad at you. Like they don't think, oh, I, shut the fuck up. But when you say shut the fuck up, nobody hears shut the fuck up. They get mad at you. Unless it's a warning. It's internet. I couldn't imagine talking to someone like that to their face. important for me to get in a good clap back than it is oh yeah right it's like i had a i had an

29:21 Yeah, because it's like it's the wanting to save face No one sees it. it's also, That dude, like some people pretend to not give a fuck. As much as I made fun of it when it first came out, the slap league. It's it's designed for those clips. I think perfect I like it. Remember pimp's up, hoes down? HBO, listen, we got to give HBO their flowers. So many good shows.

31:44 Man, you know what? And that's real. They all did. man, fuck Shiv. the brother fucked up. I'm smarter than both of y'all. And what did Cousin Greg end up getting? Greg's evil, too. His granddad tried to talk him out of it. it was my first exposure to real gambling addicts. It's all money is just gambling coupons. fucking great. I can't watch it again. It's so

34:50 In pool halls, man, it's like everyone's a junkie. get some guy will come over from Europe and match up with somebody, I mean, that was Uncut Gems. I know a lot of really good people that had drinking problems and now they're awesome. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Oh my god. it's like even if you know it's bad for I'd go on vacation. stupid stupid but I was like my god I was gonna like that around all right oh he's a maniac he's

38:33 She goes hard. I don't know if she's here tonight. Yeah. Yeah, every night. It's always different. Like I would be their spokesperson if they paid me. most numerous flies that i've ever seen in my life. And you could scrape them off. Imagine if you didn't kill them. Yeah. Just anything. I'm not going to come because I already know the cutest girl's going to go,

41:43 yeah. You gave me a rifle. The rifle comes with an infrared sight. And that's cool. Bug assault shredder. Yeah. Yeah. Let me see. I mean, what did they do for this commercial? But I'm going to tell you, there's no more satisfying feeling than shooting one of these And every single day I go right away It's very impressive. That's here in Austin? Yeah.

44:45 Oh, yeah. And so you're stepping, and you step too close to them, and they bite you. And you don't get to the hospital. Really? Oh, yeah. You're my favorite. one of the he he ah help me brother help you that's not is Is this Tony Baker? Ooh. Long live the king. Long live Simba, your father. When I got her, she was like an outdoor cat. I don't like what you're doing right up here.

47:11 you know what I'm saying? that have cats and dogs, the cat is ruling the roost. And she's like, oh. that cat was like She's never wrong Like something That whole she, her pronouns thing is annoying. Watch the water bowl, bitch. in that they detect change. you get used to that. Went going to where they lived there was a lot of like agriculture and the smell was so bad

49:49 I have no idea where she shits at. They leave food out for her? Yeah. If you have a cat Yeah, yeah, yeah. So she always, It's so sad. She got two of those. But like I said, is a heavy metal have the heavy metal poisoning. Oh, Jesus. So it's possible that mercury poisoning happens, but is not diagnosed. Or may not be the first thing a veterinarian suspects. So it's possible that mercury poisoning happens, but is not diagnosed.

52:20 I think it's, is it parvo or distemper? There's nothing they can do about it. Both are highly contagious viral diseases are before the pound gets them and he was already infected so sad he's such a cute little guy why I mean, I've had animals down me, but they were never mine. running away so that you chase her and the the, hopefully the fawn kind of blends

54:36 Well, that's more planning than those submarine people. They started out with like four days worth of air, Jamie? And they stopped right there. Oh, Jesus. There's no plan B. That's what I think happened. it's banging up against something or maybe banging is. And I could be wrong Even if they're alive right now. They can't open it from the inside. You know, I don't know.

57:58 simpsons or something took this tour last year and they had problems on their trip uh three times on or it says uh communication was And they don't have a line attached to it? It says there's seven different, not backups, Yeah, any kind of leak, any kind of opening at that depth Yeah, just a column of water sitting on top of you. Boy, everybody involved in that company is fucked. Somebody going to pay for that.

1:00:16 Which is wild. that does all those gotcha videos, investigative reporter videos. you know you can get a senator for like 10 grand like he was does he it's does he know he's being He's just talking. Oh. you can buy your candidates. Look at this. Everyone does that, he's saying. Guys do if they want to let a girl know, like, hey, they're a fucking big mover shaker in this corporation and this is how we do it we run the world we run the world it's like oh my god government secrets don't impress women do they well that's not really government secrets it's corporate secrets it's

1:03:36 and when you click this, Yeah, he's probably dead. whether it's a pharmaceutical company, he's done that like saying that she's curious. That's like, that's always be I mean he that pretty much gives Blackrock a way out it's like oh If she recorded him being like, yeah, I have a 12-inch dick, people wouldn't be like, well, that must be true. He just picks the people that do it.

1:06:07 He donated to people for this. Isn't that wild? He's like, well, I'll just pay you to come. Is that legit? With Hillary Clinton, I said, be at my wedding, and she came to my wedding, Trump applied. Well, they're all in cahoots. why I don't feel bad for people. Like, once you hit to make sure they will never go broke and their kids years for the same crime.

1:08:52 I don't know exactly each case. Well, this might have been because of that. But also don't know if, I mean, I haven't looked back at Hunter Biden. For that same charge? Right, Julian Assange. Yeah. How did that happen? but also like if you can transition they treat me pretty nice you know the name Because women, I think you What is this logic? Like a gynecologist, I'm guessing.

1:12:10 That was like a normal statement. Yeah, that's how I got a feeling. That's crazy. I was like, nah. Oh, it's him fucking in the mirror. I get it. life and this is a drug that makes you want to fucking kill and dominate and Oh, yeah. Oh, of course. And the whole world's watching, too. If you search right now on Twitter for the knocking sound, it's just beats.

1:15:20 It's like listening to a knock and then just someone ripping ass. Yeah. He's so, when he has to give public speeches about things, he's so good at that, man. people will say yes or no or whatever. it's like he's so thoughtful that you can't not like him anyway, Yeah, meticulous too. And for me, I want to hear how different people think. and you don't always have time to do that on stage.

1:17:49 that I don't have time to do it on stage. Tim's the best at that shit. Yeah, he's the best. most of the people a second house here. because I would never tell somebody, hey, this is better than New York or better than explain to people what, you know, because I would never to have. wherever you're going like, A month and a half later, Mothership opens.

1:19:30 did you move here? He does bottom of the barrel the next day. And he went on the Kill Tony anniversary show. Yeah, he was on the anniversary show and he's a killed that shit. And it's like. And he went on the Kill Tony anniversary show. And it's basically an advanced version You've got to have two nights of open mic nights. Bill Burr is in town. headline beast and you're like wow this is wild this is wild

1:21:31 But it does help that there's so many good comics here. Jack that up. then I'm not fucking with you. They were in town. Yeah, I want to do a set and they just wanted to do a set just to work out right and you think of the store as a place you're not selling the comedy store this comedy store is a great venue. That is a lot of So then they can say, oh, well, they're not here because of you.

1:23:51 when it's all said and done, and then you'd make money I don't think they should make nothing. figured out this little loophole that the artists you need them too like i'm happy that they make money. So it's like all I got to do is throw a little bit of money at you. your money you can say no to shit like that yeah yeah well that sort of situation in hollywood

1:26:37 It's some desperate people in the show business. It's weird because it's hard to imagine that they still released this movie with all these controversial charges against this guy. Vanity Fair's report followed an update from Rolling Stone Vermont State Police also report this occurred after police found out I don't know. were staying in police charging Miller

1:29:02 He stole booze from someone's house. Right. Can we get glasses and ice for Mr. Simpson? That's what I'm wondering. What is that? No. I don't know. Rasea. Death. What is this? It's bad. Take a sip of that. Nasty. Yeah, yeah. You're not alone. Yeah, it's real bad. Of course you do. That's what I'm saying. It's as strong as it gets. This one's so bad, Jamie.

1:32:50 Just smell this bag. He didn't give me no fucking, he didn't go, take a little, tiny, take your time. What is this? We're going to have to take a break, I think. This one is so much stronger, dude. Oh, shit. Folks at home, you're going to hear Brian Simpson's in the hallway moaning. Oh, fuck. No, this shit is... Like, the package that came in the mail,

1:35:13 But imagine that one, doing that one. Where'd you put it? the same as the other ones and then lift weights. Bro, my eyes were watering when I opened up the bag. That bag fucked me up. Oh, I felt like an idiot too It's called Redline. We should probably store this in the garage. What's wrong with us terrible Terrible taste in alcohol. Yeah, it's still in the room.

1:37:53 Well, no, the thing is I couldn't. I had my eyes closed shut, and I heard you go, You were like this. Yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, man. Because my eyes were burning. I had to close my eyes. I had my eyes closed shut, and I heard you go, shit is when you But, Jamie, this is the same one as the other one. It still hurts. that close. You guys went close It's got to be.

1:39:41 Because right here. I'm telling you, Joe, these fucking... that is it's but it's very super culturally specific you couldn't most of the best memes and they don't get paid for whoever wherever they come from somebody always takes credit and they Yeah. before the pandemic. But don't you think it got bigger Yeah. Something. Oh, this is supposed to be yesterday.

1:42:34 I think it is his account because they messaged me on that. And everybody's telling you you have to see it. they were like HBO they've had a couple hits too though. because he's not on the presidential ballot in Colorado. Yeah, my right nostril's still a little lit up. you get that jolt of it I don't even know start doing other shit. Of course. But imagine waking up. Now you got break it out when you faint. Then you put it on your self and you wake up. But then people started doing other shit.

1:44:23 I know it's a sex thing. and involuntary smooth muscles and contributed to... I guess it really I remember there was always the fucking spy Oh, God. It's a cleaning of VCR, which everyone has. And it was like an amphetamine, and people were smoking it. Well, ended up not being I mean, No. All that meth. It would get in your holes for sure. Cathinone is a monoamine alkaloid found in the shrub Cathus edulis,

1:47:35 So it's an amphetamine. Yeah, so I wonder how many people bought it To get that shit back in like 2011 Yeah people want it Do you remember that? It's not like that. Salvia might be the strongest. Like salvia divinorum No. Is it a version of it? everywhere. I couldn't believe it. like at least so somehow another largest yeah yeah okay um you know that people you people

1:50:51 in the bottomless pit. but you think that shit is happening. of ari where he took salvia on red band show he took salvia on red band show and said he lived Yeah, he just went into another dimension, lived a different life. Is you just connecting to your different bodies? Do you think that there's a purpose to this struggle then? No. But it's doing something. Overall purpose of that if we're all connected. I don't think there is a purpose. No, no

1:53:36 beings with this this struggle and this like conquering resources and all the different the best thing to do is to break them into two teams Right? It's your squad versus my squad within the platoon? When you watch another person triumph, you feel it. We lost our shit in there, like everything was just so perfect he just, I wish I wish you could that's gotta be

1:56:01 all the most you gotta love, this is what I love about Izzy, that he lost the last time. He drilled that. Of course. And look how the guy's fighting. They put him away the first shot rocks him the second shot puts him in in the hammer and they actually have a lot of But in English, it doesn't translate. No. Yeah. It's interesting. I think he's going to dominate.

1:59:24 It's so bad for you. And I think he cut is too much. I think that cut is real bad for him. He's a huge man. It's so bad for you. But you know what? You know? Yeah. Jan, I would never say that to you in person. but he's still a fucking animal, man. how he takes his back, Yeah, I think Glover's done. And then they build, and then that becomes their basics.

2:01:53 And now, you can't even be in the NBA if you can't do that. He said he was better than him. I don't know whatever happened with him. I know. You think he would, like, slide in something. But some people don't realize that, like, some people that think they want that don't realize what actually comes with it. Michael Jordan loves being famous. Working for the Bobcats.

2:03:45 I mean, look, you only live a certain amount of time in this world. Well, that's why famous reality stars are fucked. and then they're not on TV anymore, You remember the real gay guy from season four? For sure. Well, TikTok doesn't do that. The top 10, number one gets You know? like showing you stuff from people that you didn't know. Then they started showing you stuff from other people.

2:06:42 Now you can be famous. A lot of people got rich during the pandemic off of being entertaining. I don't need that shit. Guess what? Yeah. Trying to tell you about a fortune that you're missing out on. Fuck no. We don't know each other like that. Right. Yeah. while I'm talking to you. I'm taking your time We don't need to be looking okay, I gotta go.

2:09:42 How do you FaceTime I mean, not Discord. or liking the text messages on both yeah yeah finally thumbs up a green well it's just apple Don't call it FaceTime, though, because it's some bullshit Google thing. It is weird. Seems like it's not working. Really? anti-control like way more options because the way air tax it means someone with an iPhone walked past

2:12:28 So in America, of where she is. She don't like it. Wow. just to do basic shit. she don't play that shit. Don't do it. about the coy wolves mm-hmm what they were they were they were talking about how like they're Is it a huge part of the ecosystem? They'll kill coyotes. They what happens is they do roll call when they scream out at night sometimes and when one of them is missing

2:15:22 Wow. They shoot them. So this strategy of persecuting them and chasing them down and killing them, it just makes more coyotes. And the thing is, if you was to hurt one of those wolves, I mean one of those coyotes, He got killed by a bear while he was having coffee. and the guy just fucking drinking his coffee and Neighbors heard Jackson screaming, tried to help through shouts and car horns,

2:18:13 the gun. I mean, that's the first thing. the smell of the breakfast was coming out of his little camper. That's how you get, when they bait bears, So you set up bait stands, That's so funny to me. Probably. These people are whale watching, and there's a whale down there, and the whale literally swallows the entire kayak with the people in it. Maybe he's annoyed with them. Maybe

2:20:31 But they don't eat meat, right? Hoping. Oh, no kidding. You see all the fishes in the water flapping around? He wanted the fish. He didn't want a kayak. No. I mean, this is He's in the kayak rowing, and you see this tiger shark just engulf half the side of his boat. Look at this. Look at that thing. There's a shark shit. Like something out of Jaws.

2:23:30 Yeah, if it exploded because of the gas, then yeah, that's right out of Jaws. That was attacked by giant trevallies, marine fishes that can grow up to 6 feet long Wow. Someone had told me that that area that they had dumped sheep carcasses into the ocean in that area. Oh. This is a child? So this dude. Yeah, it's sad. It's a little dark. It's so fucking horrible.

2:26:31 That's a terrifying way to go. But that's terror being trapped in a... Yeah. to get a good shot of tiger sharks It says they crew panicked Dude. You being on land is, like, one of the handfuls of advantages you have as a human being. 10,000 feet deep. It's like, just stay Because they never survive. They see us doing stand-up and they go, Right. A lot of surfers are trash, right.

2:29:39 All those extremist people. to what what ride the energy of this insane force that's behind you you can't to be able to hold that. and you out. I'm impressed by any expertise. That's 20 years of experience. Just somebody that's dedicated their life to something. Yeah. Apparently I don't know. Interesting. But he gave away a lot, though. is when they fuck with other rich people's money.

2:33:18 And she's going to prison out here. One of those nice ones Right Maybe they're less likely Yeah. You know, they do that in Japan. So he's around to be like, Do you know that's why they switched Korean airlines? doesn't exist in the language. Make sure that's accurate. So a lot of, not all of them, but a lot of them, they have an American for that reason.

2:36:38 highly contributes to cockpit miscommunication, especially on planes designed to be flown by two motherfucker, we out of fuel. It's like, oh, shit. They're good at kicking, gaming. Korean, are Korean players. The elite open school in Seoul. I think that game is League of Legends. You see the video where the dude dies gaming? No, this was like the guy died in his chair.

2:39:22 The thing is, I'm not good if I don't wash my ass. Like Diablo 4 just came out. my special soon. I'm excited. Yeah. let me see or something are into pro wrestling you're hitting them Oh, so this is what They did that with Skyrim. So, like, the yellow is a critical hit. they're dropping items, the items make you stronger Yep, and there's gambling. Yeah, the max level's 100.

2:42:12 But you can play with, like, I play with Frank Castillo. for example like that do better other shit It seems so addictive. Because basically, you know, you're playing hours and hours and you're doing the same thing over and over again. And your guy goes, ah! So you unlock points to put loop where you want to come back from. That's good. Yeah. I seen it fuck people up.

2:44:50 know when you come in... You put your card in that machine So they set the machine up like that, but And that's the whole point. The color of the room, the way the room smells, the way it's set up. And get trapped in there. Apparently, people at casinos say it happens all the time. Look, she's just pissing. The shitting is worse. I bet your anxiety is still high.

2:47:11 Yeah. You can probably make it like a month without food. I guess. And where they're at, this is the water entirely surrounding the ship. Even if they find them, how do you get it up? They have until 5 in the morning until they're out of oxygen. till five in the morning. I was even contemplating, so they can communicate with them? Or that happened right when they hit the bottom?

2:49:40 Oh, my God. During that, vessels, the compass was acting very weird. And I don't know- Who the fuck knows? It's like you could have just sent down a drone and watched the screen on the ship. Yeah. If I had to choose. Right. Oh, actually, we probably do have the technology where your commercial flight can be But would you be comfortable with that? Which has happened before.

2:52:09 No, just the idea of, I have Absolutely not. No, I've survived my whole life. fun stuff it's called a Victor 6000 I'm looking at like This does have some sort of rope. Oh, yeah. Don't fuck around. A whale just fucked your magnetic shit up, flipped you over. But have you ever tried filming a bird in the sky? and it seemed like it was going up so high, you know, have had to have been a commercial drone, not a government one.

2:55:28 Oh, the races? Because these things are getting better and better. Has it got any volume on this? And this camera is on the drone, this one right here. How crazy that thing can go 200 miles an hour is that the fastest drone Yo. where you can get in one of those things and move around in something like that. same experiences like could i like if i'm in a room full of grown men and I go, and I just go, everybody tell a story about the last time you almost died.

2:58:10 The Alpinist? No. And this fucking dude was like the one that all the other climbers were like, what the fuck? He was an interesting dude, I should say, just listening to the recordings of him. And did he die doing this? I don't think they recovered him, right? I think a lot of those guys, there's something wrong with them. where we could explore space,

3:00:15 Explorers. Yeah. Ballsy-ass people. People that live in Hawaii. Because they're right. old gay man with the shelter? If the apocalypse comes, they're going to be the people you're looking for. You watch Last of Us? Yes. It's like, remember the old gay man with the shelter? What's interesting is preppers a lot of times get lumped into terrorists. there's probably some crossover between the two communities,

3:02:37 He's like, from the prepper's perspective the the people that are into that would say like i don't trust we, And I might just be talking my ass correct me if I'm wrong, please Jamie You might have that. Feces? They literally lose their ability to be afraid of cats, and then they get hard, like thinking about cat piss. in the near future. Hold on. Rabies is wild because it infects animals and makes them want to bite you to give you rabies.

3:05:53 I think you have to get to the hospital dies of rabies yeah like nicked his hand I think and he's he's like, oh, what the fuck is that? Suffering a small puncture wound and rare daylight encounter this spring. Yeah, bro. I would lie at the hospital. Hell yeah. Right. If I thought something serious was wrong, I would lie about having chest pains. Everybody forgot about that yeah

3:08:14 it was on the 4th of July and just walked away What a piece of shit. Walked off. How bad's your gas? Well, the thing is, the VA has you were having a heart attack. Oh yeah. Well the thing is the VA has like a So they're like and I didn't know but I would and wish you had gone 100%. I never looked into the healthcare system in terms of how many hospitals are private.

3:10:22 Everyone in this, everyone in every city, they could tell you the hospital that you don't want to go to. Oh, my God. Yeah, that's probably faster than taking someone in an ambulance. Cops should never listen. Wonder what happens if a cop pulls someone over and they say, I'm giving birth now, and it's a guy. He let him piss. Oh, a deputy pulled another deputy over.

3:12:30 but I think if you're not on shift, You're not supposed to speed No, two hours. Living the dream. and on Twitter oh wait a minute he's the best oh he is the McVader? He's the best. for the Veterans Hearts Project, Okay.