Joe Rogan Experience #2017 — Bryan Callen Transcript

Transcript

0:00 The Joe Rogan Experience. Yeah. Yeah, dozens. Yeah, he had a problem with his neck for over a year. you fell into this all you need is a good diet thing. Because they'll teach you that. Talk to that guy. Yeah, scientists that are fit. Like, you know, just like a multivitamin. And I'm like, all right, I'm getting older, but this can't be, this can't be.

2:56 behind the eyes you've known me a long time i'm not a very emotional i'm certainly not going to Your friend was getting married. Couldn't get through the speech sir. You're crying in the middle of it. I started crying so hard I was taking Propecia and I was taking Propecia and it was raising my estrogen levels and I'm not going to be bursting into tears.

4:23 Oh, my God. and force me to listen to this story Oh, wow. I haven't had a haircut in, like, 12 years. I cut my own hair. And I looked at my profile and I took a picture of my profile, literally on the plane on the way here. And I looked at my profile and I texted my wife. Stop thinking about yourself. Oh, okay. Yeah. not about getting your body stronger and you know, we're all flesh and blood. You can take me out

7:00 I know that's the same with jujitsu. of the things I came to LA to do. And what I realized was that I'm not made to just... I don't care what you call it. It is the order of things. Instead of looking at what you can get For real. Bro, I was there for six months. Oh, dude. I was closing out the show in Venice. And it worked. I wouldn't mind trying, though.

10:45 That's the perfect time for weed to like when you have an edible like right when you're not scared of everything anymore But now, you know, you have kids. religious beliefs, whether it's Islam or Christianity, and they felt like it gave There's so much confusion as to what the original meaning of the word was. so if this wasn't an enlightened encounter with some divine being that gave forth incredible wisdom to people, along with it, there's some fuckery got added.

13:47 of whatever the religious documents were, You know, you can get into... around the idea. sort of reincarnation of that guy, you know, just Jeff Bezos or whoever it might be. You've And oh, you in your body, there's something higher. even if it ends in total ruin, that path somehow has more power. Somehow it lasts longer. Somehow about people like Mohandas K. Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Malcolm X, people that were emulating this idea, the idea of passive resistance, the idea of turning the other cheek, and then a guy like Christ, the Buddha.

17:54 religions i'm just going to talk about that for a second there's a lot of self-restriction in that He's definitely in the argument. The training is all like brutal And he's, you know, he's admirable, right? Remember when Evander Holyfield was singing the Psalms when he stepped in with the unbeatable Mike Tyson? That's where I disagree with Sam Harris.

20:23 gazelle and you wake up, run fast. If you're a lion and you wake up, run fast. Have you ever been? It's a constant war. They look at you so different who are you? they tend to, when they attack people, There are two animals I don't want to get eaten by or messed up by. Listen to me. up and they just have like faces yeah but sometimes they eat you ass first the problem is they start

22:32 He's like, whatever you do, don't listen. It's a comedy. Yeah. When that sheriff looks right looks right the camera goes. I thought he was retarded amazing. But he had amazing encounters. but yeah i don't remember that yeah i remember i was in alaska and a guy had a uh a female wolf That's how it is. And so it would point. I don't know. Imagine if she's in heat and she puts out that scent and then the males come around.

25:17 is if you have a child in that house when you leave that, that wolf considers that child to be lower. they're going to take that competitor out. It got out and killed Didn't even eat some of them, right? You ever see a coyote jump a fence? That's a seven foot fence. With a chicken in his mouth. What is like a female chicken weigh? Well, six feet. That is insane.

27:24 Maybe a Belgian Malinois. Yeah, maybe a top of it. No dog would do that. No dog. Maybe a Belgian Malinois just be kind of it no it'll give you a new respect it'll give you a new respect for the power of an animal the the me. It's one thing when it's a game of he goes your body shuts down when you get bit like that by a dog like that, even a 65-pound dog,

29:24 When they grab their arms, that arm is fucked forever. You know, they might bite less with their back teeth, blah, blah, blah. I was watching a video today of a crocodile swimming with a guy in its mouth i've seen that i watch it i watch it once a week there's They had this joint task force with the Brazilian Special Forces. The one I watched, it was a different one.

31:02 Is this Costa Rica? And you could just see these eyes. Just disappeared just that quickly. That doesn't seem wise. This guy opened his tent and they were all just there. Can you back that up a little? That is so insane. Hell on earth. You know. Yeah. Some of them eat them with their face. I mean, they're dinosaurs. Or coexisted with the dinosaurs. Because there was that story about the guys who got stranded on an island.

34:42 metaphor right right like there are too many contradictions That's why I don't get hung up on details. I'm just more interested in the in the overall arching idea that I do think there is something called truth. And I think there's something called a lie. I think there's something called a good way to live and a bad way to live. And I think if you extrapolate in either direction, one leads to something like fulfillment or who you're supposed to be. And then the other

35:47 You know, so I think that it's, I don't think anybody escapes suffering. So it's a person's experience with misery and life and reality led to the creation of the Bible. the world understand what it's about. And they end up dying. And in 150 years later, somebody's or for that matter, even something that's really beautiful. wants to? What is it about our mind that seems to have limitless potential for understanding and for creativity to what end

39:06 yeah you know what your create you human beings and their their creativity and Meaning, you forget you have to go to the bathroom, I'm just saying something bigger than myself. Which Pol Pot or Mao Zedong or Stalin had. uh the sistine chapel or whatever it might be and you just go how did you do that man how the The recognition of beauty. There's something about the way things look that to us is just awe-inspiring.

42:10 You watch like Crawford or someone. Mm-hmm. It was amazing. Did you hear it? I had on Fighter and the Kid yesterday, we had Jorge Masvidal, who I love. Dustin, head kick! hey he's in and brendan was like hey what the fuck are you talking about i go shut the fuck up dude But wait, hold on. Take him to the ground and then we got that. When he knocked out Curtis Blades with that uppercut,

44:49 He does? Oh, I'm saying. When Derek starts swinging Look at this. Boom. He would do that. He really dedicated himself. Because he's got to weigh 265 Yes, I do. I've become good friends with him. He was, this is a real thing. So he would have to lose 200 pounds to fight in the UFC. He's a very smart guy, though. Well, I'm a little obsessed with him because he squatted 720 pounds 13 times in under a minute.

47:57 And Levant, the greatest guy of all time, sent a funny video going, Like nobody can do it. goes, if you don't become a strong man, but what makesrian special is his intelligence but his he's super competitive and brian was like he told me the story i go so what are you saying he goes Stop it right now. He might as well be me. It doesn't matter. They drag mooses around with their face.

50:32 The bites would be so terrifying. Sort of. He doesn't know what to do. They'll fucking choose off, bro. He's different strong like he'll squeeze you traumatic moments in the history of us doing podcasts together is convincing him to stop Mighty Mouse, Bradley Martin. You got a gambling problem or something? I would too. Well, you know who's going to be bare

52:30 Yes. You look shredded. He tapped Minotauro. Listen, man, guys beat him and Stipe knocked him out, but he's a warrior. It was just like when Buster Douglas beat Mike Tyson. They're just driving on top of you and they're getting mount. Amazing. To be that big, but also technical. He's in crazy shape right now. also defense wise when you have especially boxing gloves boxing gloves

56:17 Mike just plowed ahead and just said, you're going to break your hand. Yeah, so like every time you're in there It's almost a mindset. an MMA fight. They're going to have a jiu-jitsu match. take time. Yeah, we're going to lay some mats out. What does he weigh? Your body will shatter. if he has any wrestling at all, That's what grappling is on that level.

59:45 Had a match with a bodybuilder. And this dude's like swinging punches. And he's not a big guy. strength disparity as Mighty Mouse Yeah. And then he got him in the belly down. Do you know the one that freaks me out the most is the Kimura? For a while. Work on your defense. is that what he said? His fucking Instagram is the most funny Instagram. He's like, he's okay.

1:02:58 Different dudes. Athletes and fighters. Ric Flair. I think he had a broken neck when he was in the Olympics, bro. There's no harder men herniating two discs dude Imagine something can break that neck. How do you feel? working out his whole life. Right. So, uh, whether it's weighted, uh, lunges or, um, you know, pull-ups, or pull-ups, I'll deadlift and stuff like that.

1:05:24 But I was like, I'm done with this. to turn it and the horse is doing this and it just takes off it was that it's like that comedic I don't know. You were weeping when you saw the horse. whether it's box. Yes. And it's not even just for a vanity thing. It's just, you want to be strong because it's more valuable than being which is much more cardiovascular intense.

1:08:21 And 70 pounds is not that heavy for you. That's a lot of weight. keep my body where it works really good. And then I max that in on the body weight days. Boom. And then do another five. What I love about working out with a guy like this guy is he's been at it for, he's 66. They've seen what an overabundance of steroids do. Yeah, you just got to be careful not to hurt yourself.

1:10:44 Drill. Have you ever rolled with Mr. Ryan? and i got a bunch of stem cell injections and i did all those knees over toes things yeah and i fucking year, I barely kicked the bag. Like I would every now and then walk up to and tap it a I thought it was just, you know, just tweaked or whatever. a fucking if i had been there i've been like it's like shop trying to race uh um fucking uh chapelle

1:13:19 I saw it. Right. So we're backstage and everyone's barbecued. enthusiastic we were having so much fun but i fucked it up so bad doing that and then i started a good time. But it just wouldn't get this corner and this lady was new she didn't know what to do and she's just like sliding in the middle of the trail she just couldn't stop herself and it was

1:16:05 I'm like, I shouldn't be on there myself. That seemed a little opportunistic. He couldn't go to dinner. You're a shortcut taker. People who do that, but you ain't getting the piper must be paid and the truth will get you so you can go ahead and do Something like that. Those wise things. Here it is. Damn, dude. experience you get a better and clearer picture and it makes you wonder what how limited were

1:19:25 Lincoln lost, I think, four of his children. You just... I mean, that was everybody. they don't tell you what the date is. Ooh. You just sit in your cell and they show up when it's your turn. It's an interesting idea because, you know, there's something about focusing your mind when you when you this might be your last day and it might be for everyone.

1:20:31 there is something to be said about, um, There was no notion of, I got to pee. I gotta pee. Yeah. Thank you. Takk for ating med. Thank you. It was just so awkward and he just kept getting drunker. Figure it out. I don't know when invaders are coming and they're going to enslave me. great buildings that were built, But the artist didn't do that. You see what he tweeted? Or truth-socialed, rather? No. And he was like celebrating the indictment. He's so entertaining. He's hilarious. But we're never going to have. You see what he tweeted or truth socialed rather?

1:25:57 If he wins this though. You got these prosecutors that are looking, they're being very, very creative with the law, right? saying, get rid of this. That's going to be a tough one for him. But I think the other two- your possession. X, Y, and Z are classified. You have to return them. They give you a grace period They all do. Now, if you then are, I think he said, I could have declassified this, but I didn't.

1:29:01 saying and things like that i think that he was having a conversation with someone where he was showing them the doc. Yes that was recorded But, and there's no doubt that these indictments have made him stronger with his base. you're getting the people that the diehard Republicans, diehard Democrats, And the real political operatives just look at you and go, that's cute.

1:30:42 two states, like New Hampshire and Iowa, interview. Wow. That he showed them classified documents, and he's saying I showed them a massive amount of papers, and I didn't show them anything That's the biggest. million bribe, whatever the case. But my point about this is the mainstream media, legacy media, gives that almost no You mean Adam Schiff, who's still taken seriously?

1:34:26 any evidence that Trump was in collusion with the Russians or that the Russians were interfering in these articles what you're getting is the narrative that you see in headlines trump indicted again It was Russian disinformation. I know you're doing it because you think you want to beat this guy by any means necessary, Like all the rules of empathy and dignity and the most charitable view of things never apply.

1:36:46 No. It is wild. And so they can very easily highlight one story and suppress another or just not report would you rather be ruled by the Harvard faculty or the first 2,000 names in the Boston phone book? And I think this is the greatest country in the world because it always pushes the ideal have a top-down authority that believes in orchestrating and socially engineering equality

1:40:05 This is a sports game. And then also they're contacting social media companies. We did that with ISIS. You come up with a plan. or whether it be the intelligence communities and we can, we can, you know, this is malinformation and misinformation. Let me ask you a question. Yeah. Well, let me ask you something. And sometimes I wonder if I'm in an echo chamber.

1:44:18 him i come from his rib i'm glad you asked yes i come from his fucking rib that's in that's in you know and i can i can on yes i'm just saying i'm just however it's very disappointing that legacy media doesn't cover it He made $11 million. four or five years, and maybe even less. And, you know, because they needed his expertise That's such a good call.

1:46:28 Oh, my God, he'd be fun to hang with. Yes, he was an addict. But he would go hard. He looked so bad. And the press stopped asking questions. and nobody asked any more questions that white house press secretary if she was pinocchio Everybody hates her. I know. Amazing. mind. about chris cuomo i know chris chris is you know people make fun of chris is a dude and i i will

1:49:25 Great sense of humor. I told you I ran into Patty on an elevator? And Patty walks into the elevator Monster is such a masterpiece. Monster out of her very normal, but she had a she had a hell of a life childhood. You know about that, right? on another level. And Robert De Niro famously 66 pounds. And he's got a frame like me. He's very thin and not a tall guy and gained 66 pounds.

1:51:35 I know. He was just a fucking animal. No, no, he played Oh fear fear dude. Oh remember how shredded he wasn't that? You could fucking remember how we were just like, With Stalin in the background. He was so good, dude. You thought whoever the fuck he was playing in that movie, that's who he was. I can comb back just once in my life to see what it's like.

1:53:40 Yeah, but I want stupid fucking, I want to look like a fucking, like a chimp. I hate myself. Yeah. what the fuck did you just do acting? I think it pulls him back in. I'm just embarrassed at being a middle class boring Englishman, I'm like, I'm eating a salad because apparently it'll keep cancer away. Yeah, is that what I'm doing? I didn't see Lincoln.

1:56:07 And he said, well, and I went, uh-huh. and in fact then my going to hold that character for three months. Well, you know, I did Joker and I worked with And he said, no, no, no, it's okay. But I go like this. I go, what did you do?'m out of it but I had a bunch of lines that didn't make it but That was not on the script. of this i i don't know you could see it you're like you're a crack addict and you're about you're

1:59:00 That was a spooky movie because I was like, this is like too close to reality. Have you met Todd Phillips? He's such a special dude. Isn't it funny that we like people better if they grew up in a one-bedroom apartment with their mom? My kids work really hard at stuff that they do. I think it's genetic with one of my daughters. needing attention she comes from this loving household where she gets all this love so she

2:01:31 run away from forever that that skinny boy who is full of shame and full of fear and you know i don't Well, there's a lot of strength in desire, right? of effort to reward like what is the what's the real formula am i lying to myself on this formula am i That's what's so great about stand-up. favorite thing to do. Yep. Like last night we all went out with Patrick,

2:03:59 in Austin. We used to have it at the Comedy Store. You know, it's an homage to Mitzi Shore. How great is that? Yeah, he sent me videos of him and Nick Cage together. I was with my friend Brian Marorescu. I'm like oh shit so I get anxiety because when I'm leaving I'm like do I say hi I kind of have We were leaving on Sunday morning. And it was 95 Anyway, that's Axl.

2:07:16 It was just so cool. like you were you know it was you know a good amount of distance but you were listening i was He's as old as Biden. Wow. They won't play it. Just what are you going to do? And, you know, they played Shelter. patience do when you're in greece or places like that do you get recognized a lot a lot it's enough Podcasting celebrity is different, though, because they listen to you so much that in

2:09:47 Oh, the percentage of America that's bilingual? So let's think of- And in Jordan, everyone spoke English. Now you like to hunt. And those desert, that desert is some of the most, I went went to wadi rum that's where they shot the martian and there's some of the most beautiful there's some probably england i've eaten a lot of pigeon if you um there's parts of this country where people

2:11:51 I'm going to use your celebrity. But it'll take a long time. He can box, too. He'll fuck you up. He's going to fuck you up. Want to see me hit mitts? You're out of your fucking mind. That's what I'm saying. You're out of your mind. Boxed uped up right now. You're out of your fucking mind. He's a big kid, and I love him. Although I got a tweaked back.

2:13:32 I was getting dizzy. I miss it. That's a great video. I know. you start swinging and everybody's hitting then you can't have an ego with that and you have to Perfect. Yes. You're out of your fucking mind. He's not reaching. No. I'm going to Philly. I shot it and I was my boy coach Anthony who I love he's got a great YouTube channel You know you got something.

2:16:16 Yeah. Oh, do you think? That fucking dude knows how to. It's my coach, Anthony. Shut up. You're exhausted. Brian Callen learning how to box for real. I know. I'll just move around a little bit, take downs. The best. I don't want to be diving in for a double and single at two. That's why I won't fuck with golf. You're a fucking maniac. Yeah, Cause at 83,

2:19:29 He's the best. Isn't he a scratch golfer? their time playing that because every time you make a shot it requires all of your concentration Not concentrating on the task. And you're trying to hit this thing. he's a giant stud talk about being built well just a natural athlete you know yeah he's a giant. What a stud. Talk about being built well. Just a natural athlete, you know? Yeah, he's a great guy, too.

2:22:00 No, he teaches archery. And he puts it all up there for free. things to do is to be able to let go of those people with love like i know really interesting about the book and also about the documentary is that then at 30, he gets Parkinson's and it's debilitating. And so he has to contend, Just because you know why doesn't mean you know what to do about it.

2:24:53 You're still fighting with them in one way or another. from the things that are holding you back it's also practical it's practical you only have so being with my family or friends, How much of it is necessary? The universe is going to treat you unfairly. And you can do amazing things with your life if you can just figure out what to concentrate on.

2:27:52 or if their career was doing really well. wow, what a weak thought. They're inspiring. And then I realized, so I realized that and I got past that. you because you're not winning. it's just a waste of energy what's funny is that you have to keep reminding yourself of that Because that's when the devil comes, You're not just God's favorite. And we see it.

2:31:22 the tyson fury fight that's crazy. Is he? Yes. I love the guy. He did? There's nothing not to love. You're not defending against an ankle lock unless you've seen it and drilled it a lot of times. But that's not insulting. I could have said it in a much more diplomatic way. But I do love the guy. and slipping punches? It's more where he's placing his feet, those little details, those micro adjustments.

2:34:07 Yes. He hits like a freight train. Yeah, will he get tired? Look at this. And the length and distance that fucking guy has. But that's just because he's so loose when he throws his hands out sometimes he mixes up between That game plan, with all due respect, for someone like Tyson Fury, And then Freddie, after that fight, said, I talked to him actually, he said he didn't want to knock him out.

2:36:42 Manny Pacquiao, so nice. like a real fight up through and power And that's because of his fight IQ. And just what a guy to emulate you Such a good boxer. And Kelly Pavlik was a killer. Yeah, killer. Oh my God. getting to 154 that he couldn't fight to the best of his abilities. Genius. I didn't see enough of it. It's close. Is Lomo in his prime, though?

2:40:26 Insane. Isn't he Usyk's coach as well? he's a big man. No, he's like 220 I think. Well, you're talking about a super athlete. Yep. I believe so. I was, too. That's an's an amazing I don't know why I I he's 19 and oh with 19 knockouts he is a fucking monster and that was the guy No, I've never seen this guy. the guy who knocked out Bernard Hopkins. Too big for Canelo.

2:43:25 with insane technique, No, I don't believe so. And he looks like an animal Seek and destroy. And he puts together these beautiful combinations. And Yard's a monster. I don't think that's Yard. He just puts it on guys until they break. Like really, really similar to Canelo when they fought. like that because it's kind of wild. that he knocked down. Kovalev when he was the fight. Oh my god. With Andre Ward and all the other guys that he knocked down. I mean, Kovalev, when he was the

2:46:00 the second Kovalev fight. Wow. was the Diaz brothers. So we're going to do Fight Companion. Whenever the fights start. The main card starts at 8? Whether or not I should. There are conspiracies. I know. Yeah. Probably wasn't several miles. enough this applies to me it applies to all of us we have to be careful you know enough to think Some of this stuff is, I always, there's that great quote, he knows enough.

2:48:45 gonna be and so they they positioned these ships so like how far can a ship be to where the bomb Did they detonate it underwater? view of it. There's a view of it from the shore. Watch this one. Oh, my God. thermonuclear bomb exactly there's a difference. Yeah, they're more powerful. Yes, that is correct. And he's like, we're going to miniaturize thermonuclear weapons.

2:50:59 Yeah, they found some lab with mice that were in horrible conditions. and bootleg COVID and pregnancy tests apparently developed on site. Did you see where they put in the chat, Yeah, Eric Weinstein scares the shit out of me with all that. and the clouds would part and we would figure out that we're not alone in the I love that they were able to cross galaxies and then they couldn't land

2:53:52 to the site of this crash site and they said that there was biological entities. One of them was The town, when you enter into the town, has exposed that they supposedly to anymore. And I think there's part of it Why do you think they're having these I think it's impossible to keep a secret especially a secret of that magnitude It's kind of like the Manhattan Project, right?

2:56:18 Off the coast of San Diego in 2004, it's a famous one with Commander David Fravor. They have That was 2004? it was taken off that fast like there's no way a biological entity would survive It seems very rational. After the detonation of the atomic bombs in Japan, that's when the UFO sightings ramped up. No one. and just like let this process thing now with robots and and computers and that's an

3:00:45 with technology. It's probably some sort of a hybrid. It's some sort of a cyborg. That's wild. No, no. I really believe that human potential is pretty much infinite. It's crazier than magic. very significant that we're getting a better understanding of what it's like to be someone else. We are. It's really hard to say that a Yanomamo Indian or whoever it might be

3:02:54 becoming harder and harder to justify where it was before we knew about that. and being nudged in the same direction. what are we going to do about that? And then it's all the big ruse and it's all just drones that we're doing because we don't want China and Russia to know about it. him on they were drinking you know that famous story no who knows if it's true it's it's a legend

3:04:40 Yeah. So he has this house that he had shaped like a UFO. And this is like, It's all very compartmentalized. You're definitely not right. Yeah, and they probably wind up fucking Hillary Clinton and a lot of those dudes. It's a physically possible thing to like, I would never keep that a secret. If you've got someone who's making you a fucking? Stealth bomber and you have a crashed UFO. Those are the people that you want

3:06:58 There is no world where if I'm a government official and I take a bunch of pictures and I come before Congress and I go, I don't think you're right. you fucking communist. You're a CIA stooge. If there is, you're going to come back on Okay But I'm excited to see your shows This will come out tomorrow, so it'll be Friday. My man's going over the big pond. Melbourne, Florida. Oh. Not the center. I saw Melbourne. King Center, Saturday, September 23rd. Melbourne, Australia. My man's going over the big pond. Melbourne, Florida.

3:08:59 Bye, everybody. everybody