Joe Rogan Experience #202 — Dom Irrera Transcript

Transcript

0:00 We gotta have Nick Diaz. I don't think that's entertaining. He won a fight, and then after the fight he goes, He's got some technological ADD going on. domer I think maybe I had done an open mic like maybe once maybe i might not have Follow this. Don Gavin, Yeah, and then at the end. you know that you can make fun Charleston, Yeah. Well, I've heard that a few times with that guy.

3:29 You know how Jonathan is very nebbishy and kind of a little Jewish comedian. He goes, I can't. He didn't even say anything. I think it's the highest amount they didn't go home from work, Dudes would actually want to Well, I was born in Jersey. first time this guy Hir Hiram Kasten. It will come unto thee. That's about all you should do, right? I used to do these Q&As at the end of my shows.

6:22 They were bored. Oh, no. I don't know. I'm sure I would. He's fucking funny, man. Like, you want to hang out with him. The other night, I was late for work, yeah and you're right around the corner, too. You know, it's like people, you know how people try and make it miserable? Nobody wants you in Australia. and find the holes in your game. You're always going to keep doing it. Yeah, but I guys like my age that are so bitter yeah why are you bitter you

9:35 you'd abandon stand-up, when I came out here, and I really liked her. And at the end of the night, they'd always want to go out. My real job is being a stand-up. up there and kill i remember we talked about it and saying like because i remember because you We still got our job Not having a boss I mean my Well, I try to explain it as if like your smart friend is over that hasn't seen fighting before.

11:44 people through the path it's it's it's the most non-job job i've ever had oh i can see it i can like I told you, I was sitting behind the guy's mother and girlfriend The Tasmanian devil Or maybe from an island Like eight feet It was like they sped the camera up when we were watching him. Johnny Carson do you have any stories It was an experience. Because Jim McCauley, the guy I booked, comes and talks to you, and then they pull it back, and there it is.

13:57 What an athlete. He's, yeah, he does like cartoonish shit. and the curtains go back. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I call him Mr. Ed, Mr. E, Mr. Eddie McMahon, Mr. You big, fat, lucky, talentless hump kissing Johnny's ass for the last 30 years. That's awesome. I saw a bunch of guys on Carson that wound up being great comedians. would go he went to uh east side comedy club and they said he did three different shows in a row,

16:34 and so we started calling him squirrel and you know it was just like normal ball busting like i i straddle reality a lot i do i mean if it wasn't for alcohol and xanax i mean i wouldn't I don't know. That was kind of funny. I read this story recently about this guy who got killed by a bear real recently. That's a bear that's discovered that human beings

18:46 That don't make you gay, does it? They're all tagged anyway, aren't they? especially if they catch you with their cubs. I'll tell you this. Oh, yeah. I thought there were like five or six. in siberia or wherever the fuck you are. That feeling of being trapped in your house with 400 wolves out there they just start jacking just tear them apart right in front of you showing their teeth oh my god i

21:53 Yeah. Then they get jealous. If it annoys them, they might bite it in a way that they would never bite a person, They're so friendly and loyal and energetic, we went this dude they would gamble on dog fighting and the guy was explaining to us that They don't even want them to breed. They're exercised well, so they get tired out. Dogs need to be able to blow off some steam.

25:00 So if you have two pit bulls, man, The dog, he actually, when he sees me, but I mean, having like a pet bird I admit it. I had a baseball hat on, and he bit the little top button off the top of the hat. You know? It weighed 3,000 pounds. That's amazing. It's so bad that you're almost like, did you even write this out? First of all, the CGI is fucking incredible.

27:38 Maybe it's PG-13 for violence. and you can't fast forward it. I just don't have that kind of confidence anymore. Yeah, that's fucked up. It's sick. I have it on my phone yeah i've saw one of them where uh mother and daughter was That's what I said There's fetishes to get a dick inside there's videos look at it it's fucked up it's actually people like it i look

30:10 cars you know like just like surrounding them like zombie style and so they're in the car and started walking into traffic like cars honking the horns like slamming on their brakes and they all like walking away like gang style like walking through the street like a fucking fuck they're they're terrifying those guys are terrifying well they also i think they have to

32:43 for yeah it seems like you know if you want to go bust pot shops pot shops aren't hurting anybody grind out a living. really harassing people when Britney Spears with the paparazzi so the paparazzi waits It was scary though. And there's so much flashes. Why? When she was blonde and was obviously bleak blonde. when Michael Jordan was at his peak, Some people, they definitely, it's like being recognized is a big part for them.

35:43 201's my favorite. Anybody that can do what you can't do that you love seems so impossible. Just go ahead He said but he said That's funny but there's a lot of people that wish they were. There was a guy, he said, you know, I'd like to be a comedian. and they're good looking or they're good at marketing themselves. it right right with any kind i see it with italians i see it with blacks right you know what's up with

38:12 What's up with that? Oh, yeah, yeah. That was a fun festival. I'll say that. What's amazing is that right below that is monsters. I met some pretty girls in Maine. Right? Like they're shuffling around and shit. There's a black chick. Why? i do like a bunch of shit like a lot of maintenance involved with dating hot girls You do? You don't want to try?

41:37 Besides the disbelief while you're fucking them. saying yeah i'm just saying in general well i've been thinking about it a lot lately someone has to appreciate you as much as you appreciate them if there's any sort of an flawed because at my age i can't go out with women my age. How am I going to go, come on, grandma, flip over? like the Mongolian look that I am.

43:17 You asked for egg whites. It's hard, you know. They still have the same kind of food. they just kind of put the tip into your total Yeah, and that is sort of an international sort of a joint. They know. They look at you like Don't tip these people Yeah it's weird because they didn't tip just like an 80 yeah that's an interesting phenomenon No. He's a cool dude.

46:09 she basically like who says yeah and it's like have you ever seen it pull it up pull it up because you want to hear On some, does it say why I got a tip? i got a tip why the fuck i got a tip i is through generosity. to other people. You see, those are all re's. Thinks he's slick. and I'll get a bunch of things on Twitter. A lot of them don't do it.

49:25 Yeah, we'll wrestle for a fucking check, you and I. I did the improv once in Cleveland. Oh, I like Hefron. Here's a guy. yeah she did oh yeah okay well the point is uh it's unfortunate when people are shitheads but sometimes they find getting a white woman I love him going back to an average girl. being called a comedy star when i did the tonight show you know what i mean i had done like i had

52:26 Turn your Java off, son. Italian genetics You go home and jerk off Sophie turning to me Chicken Alfredo? We were short, wide people. She had a great body. it is amazing why would you ever done this before? It is amazing. You're lying alone naked. you'll never buy regular sheets again i don't think look at you brian do you do it all naked Amazon. Yeah.

55:23 Like a paparazzi gang and silk sheets. Because the week before... on South Park Yeah, but you're only missing half of it though. I have this whole thing at Death Squad About doing that? month that's what i've been doing on twitter non-stop so it was kind of cool to see that Breading. Ohio. back and forth, once a year, It was so cool. You've done the Funny Bowl, haven't you?

58:34 like a club opening to the public. Who are you calling nothing? Well, that's what happened here, but it was such an unlikely place Italians and Irish. All those scruffy immigrants raised kids that carried a lot of those same mentalities. I lived in a poor black neighborhood in West Philadelphia. Isn't that fucked up? You know, you decide that these are the people you're going to be nice to,

1:00:57 Oh, yeah. It's crazy. Yeah, yeah. It's all preposterous. Preposterous has been the word of the month. You were the first one. I don't understand what you're saying. instead of saying whatever. Joe, tell me more. I'm going to start saying that, Joe. Like, you know, you're going to take credit for like that. Well, I was the first one as hard as I could.

1:04:25 dude stop it Joe what's wrong for a decade the word retarded can be 37 and i rock it like a 22 year old which is different but that's you rock what what do you saying though what if you like have the fucking one or zero with some blueprints for a nuclear You could do better. And so that he, when he comes in, he's more focused. The That your ailment is

1:06:47 What's good? Mine's anxiety. Yeah, yeah. Oh, good. No, I don't like smoke. You said you haven't smoked weed, though, for a very long time. I drink a lot. You can actually function. No, because my girl, my sister died, a couple other things. No. If I feel drunk, I wait until I feel. On a plane, maybe. You should switch to weed. You know, just like panic attacks.

1:09:51 You're a fleshlight. Well, that's why I'm here, to reveal myself. My mother sent me a psychiatrist Wow I have all the same things I went to the hospital About a year and a half ago I had to pull over It was for anxiety, panic attacks. I hope you know I was kidding you. Did you hallucinate? And I'm like, oh, now looking back, I'm like, what the fuck? Well, how do they know? You might have had a heart attack. I mean, they didn't like i called the ambulance and they were like yeah there's something wrong and i'm like oh now looking back i'm like well how do they know

1:11:28 I'm pretty much like you. What does that mean? to that want to throw that one out that's Yeah. I shit beer and pussy juice. The cigarettes are the real it. He's a little pale. I said beer and quesadillas. How long did you do it for? oh yeah that's so gross you know what's so gross the Right. Have you seen that one, Brian? Yeah. I think I'll start this.

1:14:18 of an alcoholic now Do you ever decide to slow down? I kidded this waitress at the Laugh Factory about it the other night. It's great being sober what Fucked up accidentally though? Well you know what's bad But I have I mean, I'm much better on coffee than I am on booze. What is it? and then I'll tell the guy am i drunk no i know i understand you know what he's like as if this is a contradiction in terms

1:17:33 I hang out with him more Oh. Yeah, it's a weird world. that out it's a buzzkill yeah yeah yeah then you start feeling bad yeah it's a humanize them if you Or maybe that's just their reality, I never met a stripper who was, Yeah, Mike Young. Why'd you bring that up in the air? Yeah. Is it? Not my phone The whole thing? You don't believe he does stand-up?

1:20:37 Now you just wasted time. Guy goes, psychiatrist. Really? You want to talk about that? Yeah. We were just talking about this and he goes, I couldn't fucking I don't think it's for me. I've actually It's hard to gain a perspective on life while you're in it. You should do it You know what's even worse How bad it is for you hopefully, Why would you trust that guy?

1:23:44 what you gotta do. Why would I pay double the amount prices. You got to do what you got to do. What else could it be? that, you know, it's really tough to beat him, even a nine ball, just looking for and threw it in the trash to be your boyfriend the suburb of philly that you know do you do helium yeah great club yeah that's a that's another all-time classic i'm doing do you ever do captain

1:26:17 I don't know, Joe. It was like, I'd love you to do it. I said, I'm not fair. do it though they never uh did you have comedians as lawyers yeah yeah no not as lawyers there's no Didn't Mooney do something like that, too? You know, It was fun He was funny Yeah, Alan Arkin. Update it from Curly. He would go, silence. It was funny, though. I don't know.

1:29:30 well, Yeah. I already explained that. Is that what you do? Ever since you left me, you know what, No, I don't. I mean, when you get ideas in your head of moderation what is the you know you just go oh this probably can't be that the Xanax I never upped the dosage to up the dosage? do you remember when i had that operation on my balls? What did you have done to your balls? I had them, a plastic surgery to have them reshaped.

1:32:23 Yeah, you were in a lot of fucking pain. Wow. I'm too scared to. Why are you turning on him? Look at the way he looks around. Why do you got to disagree with Joe? It's all coming from a good place. The problem is he's a lazy bitch. Do you think they flew out his body to Iraq to entertain all the dead troops? What a relief. Isn't that sad in a way? I do comedy for a different reason.

1:35:39 like internet comedians right just like text-based internet comedians right it is there's a there's Bill Burr attacked it recently. Patton Oswalt is one of the best joke writers that I know. great comedians. if you're either funny and they stuck with it Yes. They weren't bad. I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings. The only thing about Doug, Amazing, yeah.

1:38:27 there's only three people I saw Norton do a headline He was really funny. Then I for the entire It does, doesn't it? and they were terrible. He used to walk in, what is it? To kill me once I said And these guys are friends of mine. I saw Barry Diamond the other day. A girl. That's Duncan's old girlfriend. Lucky bastard. He's fucking killing them, man.

1:41:32 Yeah, if you do great on the podcast, it's fucking awesome for you. not yeah i can't imagine not doing it really i'm in love with it without it what was the feeling I'm fine on stage. Imagine that for most people, getting on stage and public speaking is one of the most terrifying things. And I didn't want to look up at the banners and stuff And I thought, oh, it's good to be out of there.

1:43:55 geez i don't know if jesus had 300 pound bouncers i think they were mostly like fishermen who were Like, one night I'm on stage for 45 minutes at the Sands. And a lot of them knew me already. And then she finally came. Well, I mean, the thing is, if they were upset, I would have gotten off. They were in the back booing me. because she doesn't get like a rock and roll crowd.

1:45:46 So I'm up on stage And this girl starts screaming I go idiot and then the crowds and then i went after her and i just start you know boom one after which really made it classy. Watch the video. but I think he requires an attentive audience. Yeah, well, that's him being a rookie. He's going up, and he's going up. Yeah, but these people paid money to Charlie Sheen, sorry that's a big difference yeah well that's him being a rookie

1:47:52 being a rookie you guys have done Pace in the stage, who's here to see Charlie Shade? Oh, they were waiting you have to have some Well, that's what he wound up doing. Russell's so fucking funny. He's a great guy, too. Great guy. And he And, you know, Russell's great at that shit. Russell's so fucking funny. Wow. There's this guy named Pauly. Yeah, Russell's a real good dude.

1:50:14 becoming friends that we're really friends? i think i carry comedy on my back and how dare you insult me by liking another comedian it'd be a lot Some comedians Me too One of the funniest The 90-year-old bit. What do you got there, fella? Energy Captain Brian's We already knew each other I don't give a fuck. I was thinking about it, because I could never get guys

1:53:16 I would like to be gay just so I can come out. there's only a certain amount but I have a thing And the Florida radio station called me to bust his balls, and I didn't realize what I was saying. But, you know, you were funny. phone together and he was one of like you know a lot of comedians were happy after that went down we're like, maybe there should be some sort of a fucking comedians union.

1:55:28 It was past that. you know, and they're doing well, You've got to agree. worth more than a car yeah somebody could just that's awesome that happened yes where we were you people out there that pay to see stand-up comedy, That was an obscure reference to pull out of all the people. I was doing a joke about his Ferrari breaking down. You know, when you get one of those nice, smushy roofs.

1:58:02 And I embrace so many things guinea that I thought it was hilarious that you were doing that. And you had the back end. Like, You're not into cars. You're burying it up. I don't have cars like you have. My head's hitting the thing. They're sweeties. Oh, he's outside? Like, I've never had a dog that's as strong as him. they're so big and so strong, they're very nice.

2:01:09 And you let those dogs in with the kids? No. yeah yeah it's gonna be in bmws it's just yeah bmws it's ford it's it's all the big guys and now they also have 3gs on here and like like Have you seen, well, first of all, It's a Trojan. torrent websites what do you have to do you open up terminal and you have to cut and paste a couple and it tells you what to look for

2:03:46 Java. You have to, though. third-party thing that you add to didn't don barris say that he had um someone don barris yeah don barris had a meltdown last night Why is it that easy to freak him out? your cell phone dude you see that chick's tits LOL. they are yeah exactly and so so now imagine imagine the whole internet being able to do that I was like, Joe, you know there's at least seven people in New Zealand right now

2:06:47 Yeah. Did you see that video footage of Dallas? Or make them... there's fucking message boards that people probably go all right who should we look at their computer Yes. I mean, could you just stop and imagine that the the ability to record every single phone call that gets made throughout the entire country all the time well doesn't like when No, no, no.

2:09:07 Yeah. Look at him. This guy's on Xanax. No, not really. Yes, I can. Good luck with that. Go see Joe. You had it written down Son of a bitch Where's the goddamn website? Dommerer. I read that in the trade show. R-R-E-R-A. Yeah, it's great. new website coming i'm i'm i'm ready to rock and roll with this thing i'm very excited it's the Thank you to The Fleshlight for sponsoring our podcast.

2:12:41 A show at the Ice House. did I say Joey Diaz Aiko Tanaka is awesome advance what's hard to get uh last minute main room at ice house yeah they booked that shit in No, I already got Throwing you up late. So look on my Twitter and I'll post it. Go check out Alpha Brain, New Mood, Trum Tech Sport, Trum Tech Immune, because Jim has a show out this away.

2:14:44 We love you, and we'll see you soon about it. So don't miss tomorrow. We love you.