Joe Rogan Experience #2030 — Ari Shaffir, Shane Gillis & Mark Normand Transcript

Transcript

0:00 The Joe Rogan Experience. Oh, sunglasses. Well, you had a rough one last night. Yeah, it was fun. Uncle Lazer got on him fucking played the harmonica Wow. He was a cantor. Was he a fucking American gladiator? I know. Salute. What is this? pro wrestling. That job. That's a hard-ass on those guys, too. One of those broke, and I went to the guy's back.

2:45 Ninja Warrior show. Oh, that's just great. When we did, like, these guys had to Yeah, but you don't go upside down from your ankles. That is the shit for your back, man. You can also do back Making all these positions there. Jumping jacks are really good. Oh, like the guys on our sides we had our guys training them and they would try to do jumping jacks

4:57 Everybody's like ripped and they're all doing He's opening and closing every jump. It does look like that. I'm all about a lot, Barber. Oh, my body feels better. Well, they were scared of the race war. Microplastics. World War II had just ended. They're all shirtless and sexy. I think that the microplastic thing is real. Talk to taints on here. go up.

7:41 to see if it's a boy or a girl. And when you And then there's fertilizers and pesticides and herbicides and all that shit. She's really funny, man. Blah! Altered us. Yeah, less fertility from both the male and the female, and the males. It's like it's an average thing. Do you need all that bottled water? So what if I'm drinking some Zero chance that's true.

10:49 The rats. Get the fuck out of here. To be honest, I'm not super well versed in it. people drink? It is a bit of an I've been drinking it for 39 years. It was observed that the IQ level was negatively correlated with fluoride concentration in drinking water. I mean none of us are asking questions It started so long ago. I guess the British aren't doing it.

13:27 and everybody else is going to lose IQ points? What are you doing? Now evidence is mounting 53 years, the U.S. Public Health Service Like, imagine if we came along and said, we're going to put sunscreen in everybody's apples. Like, hey, bitch, I brush my fucking teeth. Just see, it's still kind of pink. With that beard, he's a fucking B-plus in the mountains.

15:50 You look like a guy who knows where the fucking woodchucks are. Really? What? thing that lowers your IQ is? Big fluoride. It would just be a nice story. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Everything. I watch, I'm like, god damn. him the original. Oh, really? Oh, no, I didn't sent me one, and I sent him the original. It's her like two feet taller than Ellen.

18:27 I don't know if we did. up real good you manage that we're going I was like oh they just call themselves What happened? Shut up, you fucking whore. Yeah, it was rough. They were like They said, no George Bush jokes, no military It didn't get accelerant thrown on it. No one was talking about it day to day. I don't remember. No, no, no. O, O, O, O'Reilly.

21:24 You ever see when he was talking about the, like, I know God exists because the tide goes I can definitely explain it. The tide goes in, the tide goes out. Michelle Obama's favorite band, Dixie Chicks. Let these people talk about it. And he goes, look it up. So they're all women so shut so many She was the goat. That's hard to do. This one person was clearly trolling.

24:55 I mean, they'd probably start convincing people. Seems like it sucks. We got Uber Eats and all this stuff. come back all right that's a wrap, you fucking dummies. You guys are great. That probably fucked that kid up. That kid's the devil. You know where things are? What are you talking about? Or is this baby a demon? Oh my god. Yes. The baby was sitting here.

28:28 Imagine being like alright. We gotta go everyone get on my fucking back Have a shelf Look they're all smiling Jeez COVID killed it. You feel like shit? I mean, I don't think, if you have the regular cold, like that's not even cool. Always migraines. I'm sure that severity is different with different people. What causes those? Great teeth on that. And forced Davis to sit out of the second quarter of the game

31:21 I have no idea I got Bluetooth. Really? That sucks. Have you ever had a I switched from like crushed me for a while. I was writing this thing and I was There was like spicy there were like spicy sodas and like filled with caffeine and I was drinking So how'd you kick it? You know? There's no evidence it's bad for you. Tate Fletcher always used to say it's like a warm hug.

34:13 he took like three months off of coffee. 10 a.m.? Bro, Starbucks figured it out. What's on an AeroPress? But this one, they don't. That's right. $11,000? Too much. A cup of coffee is $5. That's crazy. For one cup of coffee I think it's insanely expensive it's a lot of what was at least $11,000 for one cup of coffee and but the coffee is perfect like I had one

36:13 regular coffee at all. That's a deep pull. Oh, really? Sorry, I pushed it out. Yeah, they make you feel that way. I go in, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, Somebody was comparing there was like some chart where they're comparing one of those Oatly one of those oat milk things You're drinking syrup. Okay, look at that. Glycemic load sounds nasty.

38:49 It's the glycemic load. What are they coming after that word? Do you have any wandering Jews? Because I think it's canola oil, too. I'm good with Brazil now. Yeah, so rapeseed oil is canola oil. forms produced from recognized as safe look how that's phrased look at that but look up there Generally means not completely safe. He's the guy who made the most recent

41:07 Oh, yeah. so then they could sell it better would not approve it. Believed to be non-addictive. With the money now. Fucking guillotine out there. Truly. Take make the deal 10 million 10 million, which is like a Giuliani on this which is like a little One percent of their profit. You ever take an Oxycontin? I'm addicted to painkillers. There's somebody on it right now listening.

43:41 Great dick pic. 15 Vicodins at a time. Look at what he said here. We got a pumpkin. Oh, wow. That's right. They'll steal from their friends. Ambien will fuck you up. It's just slow release. these people that they would come in They were all terrible. Steady as nerves. He was killing. The heroin version of that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's amazing. He's functioning.

47:10 Well, the thing is, he doesn't encourage you to do drugs, but he says that all societies But it's just for a guy, He's like Galileo. Hart said that he first tried heroin six or seven years ago when he was already a tenured That quote was a heroin addict quote. They overdo it. He was fibbing, dude. He said he did it, though. He said just you said it's people

49:12 Damn Shut up and study. He goes, I'm actually a tenured professor at Columbia. You're on heroin. It sucks. Yeah, heroin of the dog. Next step. How many people are on that shit? We really haven't researched this for weight loss, but just everybody do it. Yeah. No lunch at all. There's still a shortage? You're fucking relying on us a little too much.

51:39 The laptop got out. Don't go in my room. So here's the question. Tell that to Lewinsky. Leading to the lobby area. Or it was probably attached to his phone because he's gross. You don't need a gun to go pop. That's true Yeah. And then I'd see clips of him in Hawaii. Beautiful dogs. I said not. Shane Gillis riffs on his girlfriend's Why did they do that?

54:27 It should just be and be like, Hey, was this set I couldn't. Hey, look. letting one rip in front of a spouse. It's close, same day. Is it waterproof? 351 in New York. I know, I know. late to everything. But that was a minute ago. Garmin? I had that with other things, too. So if you look at the back of this thing, there's like a – this thing shoots light out and it can measure – if it's over an area that doesn't have a tattoo

57:52 a beer, dude. Yeah, we got the eagle Yes! Oh, you're gonna have to sleep over with Shane. boozing? That's gonna be weird huh Married your daughter Al Pacino's having a kid right now. Them sperm's been kicking it in those balls. Oh, shit. When did World War II start? But 41 for us. Also, he's probably got Can you imagine when you're 83? Oh, really? Jamie, can you play that?

1:00:30 Right. That's different. Boom, he takes his shin to the nuts, loses one of his nuts. Gagey? Don Fry? Yuck. hit me right on one nut. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'll keep going. Yeah. He's just taking, how many shots of the sack? Oh, Jesus. Real beast, dude. Yeah, he did. They would grab hair and elbow each other. Yeah, you're just forcing guys to cut your hair.

1:03:54 Yes. Those dudes have crazy braids coming out of their helmets. Yeah, I like it. Paul Molly looked great. I'm going to punch you in the dick. Somebody should have. Obviously, I know I couldn't. What is that? That's crazy. Yeah. Some men do, but not really. What about walk of luck? Damn, son. Hell yeah. I've heard you say this. That's terrifying. Some real Muslim.

1:06:58 You thought about converting? But isn't that like, don't they kill you for that? So in American Islam, tell me what the rules are. My mom and my sisters. Wow, they kind of show one and the same. Come on, Jamie. They kill the gays. Catholics have the fucking greatest scheme ever. Okay. Just tell everybody. when they made celibacy mandatory. They're wearing cool ass outfits.

1:09:18 Oh, yeah. That'd be a good podcast. I don't know where you're getting your fucking numbers from. That was a really good one. Gotta keep drinking. Yeah. You got the crumbs. Died from herpes. Yeah. Stop the dick, Henry. Oh, it's so good. It's in the book. Guys, it's written down. I got to suck your baby's dick. It's in the book. It's in the book. It's in the book.

1:11:56 Somebody was like, Adolf, you know what they're doing down there? Bill de Blasio made a deal with them. my season but pair of course I got a judo right Elon you got to write this one Elon gillette. Yeah Yeah, but he'd still get his fucking herpes on the kid. What? No, it's a religious website. They're all gay. After the circumcision, he had a kid. What?

1:14:14 Of course it's not real. About that, yeah. You know how much of a fight it'd be? And then one researcher went down there and was like, how do you guys live so long? Lamech. Methuselah is mentioned once in the Hebrew Bible outside of Genesis and in Chronicles 1-3. you're just not gonna be around you got more The fin. I never put Specials around Oh It's a lot.

1:16:59 Well, I wish I hadn't put mine out. what happened? yeah and what are those back sheets that's old stuff that show give us a visual well i didn't That's weird. I left it on the floor. She cleaned it up. I'm joking. Oh, you left it on the floor? I didn't know she'd come in. I feel bad. You left it on the bed, dude. You left it on the bed. Yeah, that's what it was. You left it on the bed, dude. It's on the floor. She cleaned it up.

1:18:19 God damn it. I was hoping it was somebody hot. You studied religion more than any of us. And they're writing these rules out for everybody. the media narrative. It's also every civilization Yeah. We are. Like kosher, that's just you guys. whatever you want I don't know you are he's Germany no occupy occupied France Occupy Wall Street. I'd be like, this is so quaint. Little you guys know what's coming.

1:20:59 Yeah. There's a book called The Great Mortality He thinks he is something else Yeah. Kisses talking commissioning is perfumer to create a new scent for each day of the week The cities were just- Oh, yeah. No one's growing anything. Because of so much human waste that was accumulating. Livestock and farmland also needed time to recover after supplying food for so many people.

1:24:25 He is. You go outside, you might get hit with an arrow. The very crush of the court members was so dense Really? None of the windows Are they noticeably fatter? UK's on our heels. They're gross, like pasty and red. What are you going to do? Oh, horse shit everywhere. Ellis Island must have smelled horrible. Dude. Wait, we're in a war with Italians here?

1:27:02 Right, Wes. How many people have they talked to that made that journey before them? And they're like, late May still works. Literally a map quest. Well. and then the fucking axe handle just flew off No, we were just nearby there. They're like, oh, we gotta just cover this pit. Sac lunch. That's in our DNA. Exactly. to God I know it's getting hotter.

1:29:54 The gruesome meat gave them the energy they required and following a month of walking, You would have done it, too. Oh, ice bucket. The planes were so... But, like, if a little kid got off the wagon and started wandering around, they would just get lost in the tall grass. All types of bullshit. Because it's not like all that land was excavated and fucking...

1:31:43 They couldn't get through Texas, they just gave these people these ranches and That was the Colt 45, I think it was. So once they had a revolver, then the Texas Rangers started. And then it was like, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah. Yeah. I think they were bad. That's true. Damn, that killed a lot of people. Yeah, you had to take the whole thing out, and you could have another one.

1:34:30 How long did they have the first Russian roulette with that? Yeah, you probably had a few on your pockets. You know that you were carrying around with you Oh jeez Got there The goys gave it to you, didn't we? Oh, fuck. I was born in 67. That's not that long ago. That's wild. Great show. I think he was also doing blow. He's like, I only take roles with the character drinks a lot

1:37:12 Yeah. 51. This article. But was he doing coke, too? I would go ahead and guess. He did just that. Yeah, another article says chronic cocaine abuse. Heart attack. That's fast. Like, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah. They go from that to a nuclear bomb dropping on Hiroshima. You ever seen the movie Flight? It does do its job. It's effective. It does do its job. It works.

1:39:42 It's in the cockpit Open up a new tab so we can go back and forth. That's not bad. We got the car, the plane, the phone, the radio. The aliens just immediately start fucking hovering I think from him. Oh, that's a great one. Yeah, it looks longer. You're right. That's a circumcision. Like, how the fuck are they doing this? They change texture as well as color.

1:42:41 Holy shit. I see it now. If octopi are aliens, they're doing a shit job. Holy and then once it figures it out it changes to look like the ground. It's got transicles Fuck off, you crab. What are you going to fucking do? What was that? When I pee, the bong's coming back, dude. Football player who didn't die in battle. No, I don't know. Who's this guy?

1:45:18 There's a white guy breaking out of a Target. Isn't it wild that America's number one sport is without a doubt the most violent? No, no. It's mostly football. It's all football except for a couple soccer So that's the number one, without a doubt, most of you think in America. Amazing. That's America's sport. Baseball's year. Oh yeah, good point. Oh, messy. Amazing.

1:47:01 Dude, they had a couple... They had a few $4 since there is a lot of downtime, We've done like 15 comics Talking shit. So long and fucking boring. Remember Jose Canseco? Have we talked about John Rocker on here? Impetus for Kenny Powers. Oh, really... Radio? Impetus for Kenny Powers. The one thing I hate about New York is the foreigners. Jesus Christ.

1:48:48 His neck was this big. He was lights out. He was a great closer All the time. Both of them were right. Apparently. Well, poker, they just got one. therefore it can only be established by these regulations and undertakes to comply with them. Well, the Asians are getting fucked with the colleges. Who gives a fuck? If they're the best, they're the best. Yeah. Let's have them. They're the best. They're the best. Look at the NBA. Who gives a fuck?

1:51:30 And they keep quiet about it. you, and it means more to them, and they're way more serious about it than you, they're Because their name's a Rashmahara Dhar Dhar. Rhymes with cake. It was that one. It's so funny hearing Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lizzo? The only news I need is another weather report, right? Big things. Everyone was talking about it. What's Burisma?

1:53:41 Yeah. I bet. There you go. It might not be him. I would hope so. I think he did crack and gave sex with his chef. He ended up, he drowned in a pond. The guy really did drown. Fuck this guy. No, no chance. The guy really fucked this guy. The worst thing he does, though, is he does this thing. He's a fucking Hungarian prime minister. And he goes, how do you feel about politics?

1:56:10 What? Oh, he's in. Yeah, this is me I took shrooms the other day. Shroomed my face off. Yeah, that too. There's this stuff called, I think it's called a cuje, and they fucking blow it up each other's nostrils. Kuhe. Let's go. What the fuck? He's like, this shit's called rape. Remember when they were licking frogs' backs? The secretion off of the frog,

1:59:30 off and smoke it. How do you figure that out? Yeah, you can. You literally, your family might die. Wow. He totally does. You'd be like, yo. It's a fascinating theory that his brother, who's like a legitimate scientist, is... That's like a fentanyl. Wow It's Margaritaville. I think he died. No, I didn't deserve it on that, dude. I went to mine, I got mocked for it.

2:02:16 What did he die of? What a very tiny run Catchy too Yeah that was good I just listen to GWAR. I can't get enough of you, baby. Jesus Christ, Ari. I snuck out. I'll be in Oklahoma City. Nice. Louisville, St. Louis, Louisville, Tempe, Tucson, Boston, Foxwoods, and Albany. It's a killer. beautiful dogs cause naming a special yeah in his face because he's like

2:05:10 like let's just get out there me Edgar and him They're like, what the fuck? Woo, smash mouth. This is a super spreader. It's going off. They love your stupid watch. I like it. Here we go. Come on. I love you for real. One of them is straight sober. I like a fun life. Rookie NBA kids. Yeah. I'm just an old man. You've got that alien blood. For the troops.

2:08:35 Russia's going to win. What are you guys, about six? No calendar. There's no sun for months. cold again. Hard Net's a hunk. Jews and blacks. We're starting to talk over each other. Vampires land in Alaska right when there's going to be no sun for 30 days. 30 Days of Night is the vampires that come into a town in Alaska. You stupid ass. I've never heard of it.

2:11:06 the time is coming yeah I am Nando the relentless He's so good in everything. Gamera. That's pretty good. Yeah, when I was a young man, I was like, that's the hottest guy possible. He was a heartthrob. Good fate. too beefy for me. I don't know, man. I'm not into it. See, who's mine? You talking about girly? Just keep sending troops. For real, no. They've got to go towards it by a ride.

2:14:08 Those fucking landers are something different It's way less So that was in World War II? What's that? Oh, get rid of the poof. Sounds kind of nice. 2,500. Oh, this is fucking the downer section of the night. 800,000 Soviet casualties. We lost more tanks than we lost people at Normandy. Hey, all right, America. The Russians helped the war. Oh, shit.

2:16:48 If ifs and buts were candies and nuts, we'd all have a wonderful Christmas. We can keep that thing going as long as we want. Yeah, that's what it is. There's no money in Maui, I'll tell you that. Bro, they're making money. Yeah, that's what it is. This is very, this is, I know for real, obviously it's horrific what happened, but. Up South City. Did you get your deposit back?

2:18:31 They just gave it. Magical place. It's PG&E, these fucking cunts never do any repairs. No way the start of fire was caught on camera. Hurricane wind It's very lush They did get hit with the Pearl Harbor. Best fist fight I ever saw was at Maui Fest that we went to. Dude's actually fighting is crazy. Hawaii's are nuts. Yeah. I think they hate douchey Whitey.

2:21:04 I don't know. Just me. He just owns like 80% of it? What are you talking about? in more whitey who spend money. We got a lot of sugar. That was the joke. All right, all right. Barely, dude. See? Who's the one guy that had a Nazi tattoo and he had his sleeve covered when he received I don't know this guy. He did all the single ladies dance. Some guy.

2:23:53 The winner of this year's killing most Jews award. Ukrainian Nazis were invited to Disney World by the Pentagon. But this is the guy. There you go. I would say I like the original photo, please. Oh, hey guys Somebody tried to break his arm because they thought backwards swastikas Maybe he's just worried about the interpretation of it. Wow. Yeah, they were making steel.

2:26:41 That's wild. Somebody's just playing a little joke. It's American made, according to this. 1920s. What could go wrong? Guys, guys, guys, you don't understand. The worst fucking thing that's ever happened to people. You're like, no, no, no, no, no. Back then, how the fuck would you know if it was a symbol for good luck? How much digging do I have to do to find out the truth?

2:29:06 I don't know what. It's so weird. Look how many of them there were. Yeah, we do talk a lot about- Left to right on the top. You see infinite versions of that with squares and boxes and tubes and shit. Dude, that's so crazy. That would be like a... I would motion to it. You know what I'm saying? Right, right. or something you could see That was the second worst thing they did.

2:31:46 Fuck Germany. What is that? Son of a bitch. And he would come in to fix something. It was nice. Yeah, yeah. This is my business. This is a fad. Or gays. Used to mean pots of gold. Well, remember, pride used to mean something else. It's in the Bible. The pride about it. That's an odd thing to be proud of you know because it's not an achievement Yeah.

2:35:45 Oh, you've got to show that one. Right. He's just making intentionally combative points that are correct. He also said teachers aren't heroes. about teachers is so good. What is it? It's like, wait, well, which kids is it? If you see the beginning, I'm hugging him and Joe Lister. You're not going to like it. There's more. Stop. After the show, after filming a Netflix

2:38:23 oh man, you were like my hero. Wow. What's amazing. But then you got to eat with Louie, and you watch him eat, and you're like, oh, man. You were like my hero. Oh, no. It's going to be disgusting for you. I'd rather not. And he's a brilliant guy, but you're like, oh, wow. I'll try to wipe myself off after a meal. shit. Einstein was disgusting. Oh, 100%.

2:40:14 You're not going to listen to him anyway. Look at that. Right. and on the way home He's got a fucking Metzger's a fucking retard. Retarded. He's one smartest guy ever. I don't know how to do anything. Metzger never had a license. Metzger's a fucking retard. You watch those videos they do together? For the most part. You're not going to shut down the CIA.

2:42:01 But he thinks dinosaurs and people are hanging out. That's hilarious. Neil deGrasse Tyson thinks gay is a choice. That makes sense. It's a compliment. Just big animals. What about dinosaurs? That's it. Oh, journalists, that you wanted to fucking believe in something. Hoax. There's always been some. Do you know the new one? Helen Keller is the lie There's gotta be an Anne Frank

2:44:46 She lived a long life. So this is just some wild TikTok shit? Helen Keller was the blind and deaf person who was fake. Wait, really? Caretaker's like, you guys are heaping all this praise on her, but let me tell you what Literally, what is the fucking- That one sounded like you stepped on a frog. Hey. Yeah. I brought my father, which was very funny.

2:46:54 I know him. We're drinking after the show. So he swipes, we're sitting there drinking And the guy immediately was like, you don't fucking bump anyone. His fist is ready to go. If Phil would have died defending Brady Quinn in Dublin, Let's take it easy, man. He's the man. Allegedly. You're talking to him and he's like, hey, fucking body shot, body shot, liver, liver,

2:49:00 face. Anyway, the whole night, the guy leaves, everything's okay. Yeah. still bothering everybody, in a good way, though. This isn't fucking gay New York. I was like, Dublin's gay. So we go into the bar. the whole time he was like let's go to another bar He's split open. That's hilarious. The Irish crowd is like, they're dickheads. Oh, oh, God, no!

2:52:07 Wow. Anyway, shout out, Danny. I don't know. It's just like, oh, you're a Protestant, I'm Catholic, Oh, really? Yeah. Still not, yeah. That's what I'm saying. It goes on and on. A lot of the gay people are like, stop. are fighting real comics Their whole thing was they made fun of Yeah, how about you stand behind it, you queef? All comics have tiny dicks.

2:54:58 welcome back to the gutter Yeah, best job in the world. We're all having fun together doing shows. Like, go bad and, like, crack. Did you see that? Can we just chill out? Who's playing Stalin? Oh, yeah. She looks like a number one guy in the country. The black and yellow one? Right, right. Her dad was a bench That's pretty funny Dating Hitler Very good.

2:57:49 He's running trains. He sucked. They do. Hitler looks cool as shit there. He's just starting to plot his future. Like Duncan. is what Hitler would have been What happened to him at a young age. Undescended? So it would fuck me a strap. We need it. No. That sucks. An undescended testicle What a guy's my favorite thing he sucked his own dick while he nutted

3:00:57 The worst thing, though, for real. He killed that thing. Worst thing he's ever done. You're pretty close. New Jersey couple loses custody of son named Adolf Hitler These people are wild If they're not in jail and you can grab them and fucking get a sample, 100% they're methed out. Their kids' rooms are decorated with posters with no frames. Oh, just hit the kid while he's strapped in.

3:02:58 How about that? You can't just assume without knowing them that they're not homicidal fucking maniacs, too. You're obviously a bad parent if you're even Yeah, they've got mental disabilities. Yeah, nobody says that. For real, if you're a dude today with holding up a swastika on the side of a highway. To beat their ass. they're witches and the people just kept walking women ruin everything even ruin the salem witch

3:05:15 Jesus Christ. The fucking grain. Ergot. Yeah? What? Yeah, the fucking grain. they'll have high concentrations of ergot, which is a psychedelic chemical. Exactly. Acropolis yeah, and the side of the Eleusinian Mysteries. Look, maybe everybody in this room should decide what we do. I know, I know, I know. None of these people are trippers. Oh, that would be big.

3:07:49 Lincoln. Lincoln? Yeah, but Because I think W, you'd cry. Mushrooms will take you on. Haunting And then like Yeah I had to day one, brother. He was like, I'll do whatever. get that old Trump Bob Dylan's thinking legal crooked we can't prosecute You can't charge them for it because it's not illegal. It's a fucking crooked system you're entering into.

3:10:17 I don't want Trump to win just because I don't want to talk about Trump for the next four years. She knew about something and she goes, I'm investing anyway. That's hilarious. Yes. One of the founders of the company, Dr. Samuel Waxall, was arrested for advising friends I'm betting on myself. but by the time there was no guarantee that would go up. It ended up being way better, but it wasn't a guaranteed thing.

3:12:13 Pelosi. Like, oh, but I do, because then I'd have to think about it. And meanwhile, how much money did fucking Congress make insider trading and you put as a penalty. 45 grand to Martha Scrooge, that's a wealthy That guy was insane. Yeah, ball peen hammer. That's where he fucked up. That guy's eyes looked crazy. Yeah, but that guy wasn't in any good shape.

3:15:06 I'm going to have a Padron tonight. Scary. I mean, maybe he's okay. Holy shit. Dude, from the top of the steps fell. So her mouth was purple. Andos and drinking some red wine. That'll do it. So her mouth was purple. No chance of doing that. Who the fuck's O'Malley? We had a fun night. He didn't see it. She's like, I'm just really embarrassed you guys are here, but my hand hurts.

3:17:43 Hell yeah. Two different guys' legs go this week. It's a freak accident. It was worse than the still. There it is. Shout out Notre Dame. Flea flicker action. Oh! Yeah. No UFC fighter other than Anderson Silva has had multiple fights with having that surgery and been successful. It's hard to say how much of it was Brad Tavares, who's a bad motherfucker.

3:20:16 What's he doing now? You don't know shit about it. And he's come back and he's done some boxing. Oh, no. I can't do it. That's just what's... Jamie, that's enough. How so? It didn't make sense. It's such a rare injury. Hold on yep you know what I'm talking about Oh, yeah, you're going to want headphones for that. Yeah. Ooh, probably the gerbil. Bon Jovi.

3:23:57 I'm so glad people are still Yeah, and when he went out, they were like, we'll expose you. and it became Buddhist, and right after that it came out. No, according to that theory, he's like, Joe Rogan got the vaccine. And you get a free Shake Shack from de Blasio if you get a booster. Richard Gere? He's probably the number one reason why new people walk through the door.

3:25:49 I just don't have the love for him. Nailed it. on trips to Nepal in the late 70s. This says he never officially converted. He was king, dude. I mean. Day one, they got you. Now they get to live. It's like, and bro, You're a jerk dog. Every time I'd get the mail, it'd be like, more shit from Scientology. Sylvester Stallone thinks that Richard Gere is still mad at him for starting that whole gerbil in that well you know story

3:28:34 Gear and Stallone were on the set of the 1974 Lords of the Flatbush, Far different. He for sure started that rumor. It has to be. Same thing with you. Me and Jamie kissed at the mothership last night. Sly is the main. Wow. How did he get that out? That started't know. Chicken thigh, grease, and a hot dog? How did he get that out? What an out of nowhere.

3:30:50 What, Rocky did it? confirm that story. There is no gerbling? Ooh, wait. Formicophilia which involves not just gerbils, but other kinds of small critters as well No dick moves that many ways. Let's go In a fucking cage Shut your fucking mouth. You'd be in a trailer of fucking snakes. There's no pussy on there, bro. You're not trying to fuck that thing.

3:33:35 What did we do to a fucking majestic horse? Like how small? Sheep's got some giant balls. All horses came from North America, but then they all got wiped out, but they had already That's not true. They literally came from North America. Well, before Columbus came. amount the size of a fox, which lives in forests and ate fruits, that most of 11,000 years ago

3:36:13 The end of civilization In some places Is it? Between a bison and a buff I don't know Sheep and lamb I believe it. I'll tell you, I went on safari, And they hate you. They could just end you. But like literal buttfuck? Really? Yeah, they used to put like a Jamie, did we ever cover this before? It's like super elite people like to be able to drink shit that's completely forbidden.

3:39:05 Wait, we should play bets. I'm going bear. Sloth bear fights it off. Yeah. They're long and lanky. Grizzly man. They hold you down and tear you apart. They literally did that at the Coliseum. That's coming. Fill the Coliseum with water? And bring it back! That's 5'1". They developed a system. in cages for the games because people were getting jacked.

3:42:01 Did you remember that zoo in San Francisco And the tiger, they had a 14-foot high fence. I know, right? That's a scary way to die. He's going to get down on the down slope? Talking monkeys in space. Tatiana got killed by a girl. It's crazy because it could have jumped over that wall at any time. They taunted, agitated by its eventual victims. Just a one 23-year-old loser, and he's probably starting it all.

3:44:19 Never mind. No way. It's just shredded. That's bullshit. Why don't you go after the elephant, though? Tall grass. He got him right in the fucking dick. Right in the nards. My head's all right, but I'll tell you what. On safari, the rhinos were... go over to his house every day, feed him, hang out with him a little bit, you know, And he's like, what the hell? So he gets his shoulder in there and he's doing a running start finally the door pushes open the old man was blocking the door dead dogs ate him

3:46:51 No. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Damn it. Oh, yeah? Yeah, they spray shit They spray shit? They're fertilizing it's probably nature's figured out a way They used to be brown Just destroy everything around you. They just break them in half. You can't believe how fast they are. Bro, they're moving so fast. How are they that fast? If you were running away from that, that would be a problem. If you had to run away from that, that's a fucking guy. Wow. Something that's just going to pick up speed, too. It's like Lizzo headed to a buffet. If you were running away from that, that would be a problem.

3:49:37 By the way, it's not even getting tired. They start moving. Yeah, shoot it. That's such a fucking monster. You gotta pick up the motor. Ow! Holy shit, they're quick. And they chomp, chomp, chomp. Wow, Africa freak. Do they have a blowhole? I'm just fucking with him. The one that was jumping up and down was Is that it no Jamie you did great don't oh yes, dude play the fucking Coastal Carolina coach

3:52:31 We need to get a new screen door. Cat starts going, meow! Cat in the house? We need more dogs Deion Sanders had a good speech. His son's a fucking quarterback that can throw. Cat. That's a big cat. That's outside Oh alright That sucks. Don't be a pussy. It's pretty relaxed. Oh, I think he did. I think it was Arizona. City. In the world. No city was hotter.

3:55:49 Oh, shit. Turns out science can be wrong a little bit sometimes. Ice age. Like a real ice age. There's no polarized lenses, but we got them. It's always done this if you look at charts and graphs think the question is like how much are people influencing it? It's interesting. The thing I heard was there's more trees in Canada than there are stars in the galaxy.

3:57:29 I don't know the difference. 318 billion trees. Manitoba. We need those trees. 30% of the world's forests in Canada. Most of it's unlivable. Look at that tree. 641,607,000. Good dance. What's in the Amazon? than the Amazon. Oh, my God. Yeah. No one should see this. Oh, seven in. so he's walking around not gay people He's just a gay guy screaming at a fox in the middle of nowhere.

4:00:48 Shout out to the pirates. Hey, who's stealing that hat? Okay. You gave it to a wild dog, dude. Oh, God. Yeah. And she was apparently hitting like, hitting the bear I've heard one, but it's Okay, it's... Just a taste. But it's also hilarious hey dude my personality is The human ego. I'll do the next one. Jamie. Stop fucking with us. What's your guys' problems?

4:04:30 What are they going to do? Give it to Oprah? No, I think it's a pretty serious tragedy. I'll shut off about real tragedies. Otherwise, Russia wins. Don't be a communist. Mark Norman. Marcus. I thought I had it. Fuck yeah. J-Mo, don't get me started. Can you bag it up? It gets to this point. They're from Florida? Yeah. Really? Florida. They're like, run, bro. No. The greatest thing to ever come out of Florida. They're from Florida? Yeah.

4:07:20 Yeah. This is insane. Hell yeah. We're sick of fucking... Shut up. Come on out. This might have been going through Grizzly Man's head at the end. Yes. Shredding. Oh man, I'm back to fucking shit. Oh, I want to fuck a fat chick. It's like, go. The rest of the band Introducing black people to Freebird. Everybody likes that song. They went out on the tongue.

4:11:18 Leonard Skinner opened for the Rolling Stones. I don't like to walk a flock of shame. Oh, yeah. They're all over that tongue. James Brown, when he goes, And he goes, well, that's not the order we have. It's somebody huge, then you and then the Rolling Stones. He goes, no, I'm last. I'm James Brown. And he goes, well, that's not the order we have. And then he went nuts.

4:12:54 Oh my god. Let me give us Go back. Oh, yeah. There's both sides of this. It's insane. She was gacked, that lady. Hey, Jamie. When he fought, when Ali fought George Foreman, James Brown opened up the show. I felt like you said fear in Zaire. Yeah, but this was important. It's Barack Obama. What an outfit. Wow! He's thick. It's a man's world. I mean this is James Brown

4:17:19 George Foreman was a destroyer He was so scary. Jace Brown was crying. Nothing wrong at all. Out on love. We're leaving tomorrow. Jesus Christ. Well, do you remember when he got arrested because someone was using his toilet That was a good time. Yeah. That's when that interview was with Sir Maynard Gates. I can't believe he got out. Are you going to back in after that interview?

4:20:16 He began serving a sentence then. Someone took a shit in it. You've been around famous people. His shotgun gets on a high-speed chase. And then he would come out, oh my God, I took a shit. And then he would come out, oh my God, I took a shit. Waving a shotgun. Damn, dude. about him the guy killed it the actor who i forget who the best, like, biopic of a famous musician?

4:22:19 Because that is Walk the Line is pretty It's like But what musician do you like Art I'll tell you who killed it was Jim Carrey as Kaufman Say it. It's so good. What? What's that? A biopic. Like, how do I know fucking say that? Do you know if they said that for sure? What? He looked exactly like that, though. Ain't no Scientologist. Ain't no goddamn fucking Buddhist. He's a good Irish Catholic actor. He's the goat. He's the only guy that I've ever seen.

4:24:16 Don't just sit back there smiling. So like when you watch Rocky, Actually, we were thinking Yeah let the door guys Leave some cigars in there Cocaine Color of money Yeah White man can't jump. Semi-pro. I've never heard of The Boxer. The fucking guy just figured it out. Is there any boxing footage in this? From the 50s. Of course not much stop, but sometimes there's fights like that every now and then a fight breaks out like that

4:27:23 Yeah. If you catch people in the foreheads, you're going to fuck your fucking hands up. So they stand there like this and they jab at each other with these knuckles. do is to kind of jab your primary weapons in your hand if you hit someone right here with the pinky on What they're doing right here is a different thing. That fucking blows whatever that was

4:29:48 He just walks away. Perfect Viagra. Is he? Oh, my goodness. But that free beer is not. That's so dumb. I mean, what is the state? Who cares? That would be fun. Meth champion would be the one. Next person. The ultimate freedom is you can fight on drugs. then elite jujitsu guys have jujitsu matches. Okay. Oh, you just don't know. For me, it always gives me revelations that I didn't know I was going to get.

4:33:03 Wait. And I had to go up the stairs, and I was turning my, I was like, oh, I'm going up now? hurts did you mention it or you pushed through Wait, so you – there's like – you must think – jiu-jitsu is kind of like your life to a degree. The whole idea is you don't want to get like a spastic young quarterback, fucking jacked super athlete to fucking throw you around and hurt you.

4:34:46 Yeah. Yes, he is. Whoa. He sat right next to me, and we talked about jiu-jitsu the entire time. That's a little McGregor. True, true. Pull up Vince's age. Remember the Buffalo 66 guy? I was jacked. He was jacked for jacked. He looked good for 64. The fucking Alien movie. He's also Kingpin. Denafio rules, I told you. All his greatest stuff was before CSI

4:37:27 In comparison to the movies that he's done. You got your Breaking Bad, your Mad Men. Yeah, I said you're dating out of your league. We love you. I was saying, yo, do you think that's the guy from fucking Full Metal Jam? You and Bug. Every movie is good, dude. What, aliens attack black people? Attack the fucking ghetto in England. What? For real?ville in England? Attacked the fucking ghetto in England.

4:39:11 What? Well, John Boyega. Yeah. For blockbusters? For decades, he was... Not as long. The Vampire was so long ago. He's been in a lot of movies. I don't know. I think he's more likable. But here's the vampire was so long ago. Jack Reacher, all of them. That's Fast and Furious. You didn't stop talking. Are you drunk? Schwarzenegger movie. Nobody goes to a Tarantino movie. The Revenant? The a DiCaprio movie. Who knows what he's going to see in a movie?

4:41:33 Tom Cruise, Schwarzenegger. If you're going to see aliens who are you going to see a new Scorsese movie. Wait, wait, wait. What is that? Not the DiCaprio movie. If you're going to see Aliens, who are you going to see? Schwarzenegger. No, you go see Tarantino I know. Why is that so hard to understand? They get away with it. All right, who do you think is going to be right below him at fourth place?

4:43:42 The fourth one's not. Chris Pratt's a good one. What do you mean? All the Indiana Jones. Starts fucking dudes up. So they're just adding up the profit of movies they've been in. It's a lock. A third Dorito. As a nobody or as a celebrity? Tom Hanks. It was insane. 86 till still now. Okay, go ahead. Tom Hanks had number one. He had all the cast away.

4:46:32 shit it's crap dude man called audio He was the colonel. Maybe the last good comedy. American Made. Jack Reacher. Bro, you've never seen Jack Reacher? The new Reacher show on Amazon is much better. during this moment of silence. I'm never going to stop looking at you. He goes, well, I'm going to And it's based on the Hollywood shootout. But if somebody was like, hey, so you know, we're watching you.

4:48:57 It's like, it's hard enough to do a heist. Yeah, it's actually acceptable. Philip Seymour Hoffman butt fucks Tom Cruise. All those. It's all just stupid arguments. That bottle's still Way more. Give me another one. What's that? I'm going liquor. All right, I'll give you the weed. It's easy to make. Ketamine. Let's get it from Duncan. The kind he made his tub. Duncan Ketamine. It's easy to make.

4:50:55 Way to bail on that, McConnell. No, no, no. He's so fucking cool. Why do you hate him so much? Valkyrie rules. Good for you, boy. You're wrapping it up. You ate. It wasn't a while ago. Have you guys talked to Tony? He's got 78 guests. That's not bad. Some dumb shit like that, but screaming, because there's no right or wrong. Yeah, great movie. Big ass!

4:53:49 Doesn't hit anything. It wasn't just like This is how people And Jack He's just like, you're a celebrity, I'll take that. That's the best part. Could have never done this. Still such a good performance. movie fun movie great movie yeah Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Matt Damon's pretty great. No, he's not in the running. What about Christian Bale? For sure. I don't give you acting ability.

4:56:45 Without prosthetics. He was good. You settled down. Vice is designed to make you maybe not like him, There's an underrated dude. Shut up. Not a big deal. It's fun. And then he just takes over the entire world. Steve Carell's pretty great. Oh, I forgot about Napoleon. You guys are awesome. That's acting, bitch ass. 1793 they just have a... an urge to take over.

5:00:55 you think you're great Good. Imagine Thanksgiving. And Hitler goes, no, build a series of mirrors so I could look at his tomb without having Look at me not bowing my head. Fucking ladders coming up on the wall. Oh, yeah. What? Urban legends, goddammit. Let's go. And they're like, you didn't, and you're fucked. Did you drink Adderall or something? In a rowdy stand-up set, Shane Gill's riffs.

5:04:40 Bye, everybody.