Joe Rogan Experience #2050 — Ehsan Ahmad Transcript

Transcript

0:00 The Joe Rogan Experience. Dude, I was probably around, when was your first time on stage? Okay. It was pure liquid. working at a comedy club. You know, poops when people are drinking. Oh, yeah. So people would be talking shit to you while you're in the bathroom. There you know you could see him like okay once a month, or, you know, when you see that green room.

4:38 Like, every night we're there. Handwritten notes. I think we're only just sort of at the start of what it can be. and we've got Ari, out of things that's what happens most of the time i mean obviously horrible things go wrong But COVID was a big one, too, man. here you were already here Simpson was Isn't that crazy? And so it was like – I hit him twice.

8:31 I've been spit on before. I've been in the front row. And trying to save ourselves. You know, and I've seen some people pull out of bombs. That's the hardest job Really? And they'd be like, there's no animal dicks. and we would watch Fear Factor. I wasn't prepared. Oh, man. What was it? He was I knew he did a D He sells out. Damn. I just was like, this shit is just fucking done.

12:50 And I'm lucky I have a good head. That sounds nice. I feel like a little scars though of a hair transplant scar gonna die yeah i got dinged i mean i do not remember what happened i remember something That can happen too. and your chin collides with the top of his head, and you just when you should have zag. Your guy's moving towards you and you're moving towards him. And your chin collides with the top of his head and you just go unconscious.

15:48 I was a good kicker cuz I was like a taekwondo champion, and then I went into kickboxing Right, like the defensive positions and all that sort of stuff. You work for a private investigator? so they were getting money, but then they would go and work another job. He would call himself Dynamite Dickless Dave Dolan. Billy Downs is his cousin. Okay, right and you had to catch him the scam would be you would write their license plate on a piece of paper with

19:00 you're getting compensated for she's yes and like, yes. And I also work another job. So I'm getting to work while I'm getting the insurance money. Just this is how people were in the 1980s. She makes us coffee, and she starts telling about how she's working for the airlines, Thank you for the coffee. Fuck her. he's like I guess that's his job And then you have this opportunity where you could work and still get your phone.

21:04 would tell some random person in DM. Like we busted a lot of dudes But Dave was so funny, man. bust him and so we'd be just sitting there talking shit drinking coffee and he was so funny and he owns the comedy club just do an open mic night he's not interested no you gotta this is something I remember thinking, you know, just like podcasts early on in my career being like, hearing everyone be like, no backup plan.

23:59 You know and you and I talked about this we all talked about this was have a real who you would run into that they're just really doing this to become a writer or they're just really doing this to become an actor. So this is just something that you don't run into the sort of people in LA you would run into that they're just really doing this that they're improving that I can see is

25:16 Fantastic. buried me really he buried me and i was like oh if when i get the chance you're gonna go on the named Fuzzy. we're all better and there's no like no one's like competing for like oh there's only two yeah nobody's slowing down nobody's slowing down nobody is slowing down and everyone's inspired So everyone is improving. There's another one that I saw on the east side.

28:28 You can just feel it. It's pretty 20 years back. He felt like a kid again. It was like watching a kid play. I was like, it felt like we gave him 20 years back almost. He was very funny. Yeah, we did it. What are you doing out there? They're not going to make the club. with my parents. I'm living there because I'm not paying Pandemic hit, obviously not going out. So I moved back in with my parents.

29:59 So I stayed in their place for a little bit, two weeks. And I was like, oh, he's serious about opening the club. we'll call for you and then we'll do this we'll really do this yeah outside that when you can you there's live music playing everywhere there's It's an artist playground like here. You can like take chances of people all across the Austin you know cuz like Hicks was here for a while and you know there's like a Look, Austin had a scene. It had a small scene. There was always some good comics that came out of Austin.

33:24 I mean, the only time it really happened I feel like is when Carson wow who's this guy he did a spot on the Tonight Show. And you would get these five to seven minute spots. is pre uh hbo comedy hours this is pre everything yeah you know i remember reading stories about Yeah, it has to be. but everybody had a desk it's like yeah i guess it was like jack parr who started it out it was

35:47 The Beatles, famously. Jackie Mason got banned from the Ed Sullivan show because Ed Sullivan said he gave him He's never coming back. Damn. I was digging to 78. Just for that week. What's really wild is like there's people that get away with not telling you the numbers. do you think is the purpose of keeping it secret? I guess it worked. Okay. our creators felt like they were pretty trapped in this kind of overnight ratings world.

38:54 defining their success and failures. publishing our top 10 lists and our annual wrap-up list and Sounds opposite of what he was just saying. Right? Yeah. thing was there was one contract that i don't know if it was actually being Like, this is the most evil of conspiracy theories, right? Right. What they can do. No. And now we just know if none of that information is true.

43:03 launched a missile, it failed, and it landed in the parking lot of the hospital. Yes. You could. way, look how good that car on fire looks. There's a level of randomness. You're not going to have any idea. I mean, they killed the president, allegedly. Wow. Now I'm just suspicious of everything. Okay, so here's the claim. The amendment made it possible for some materials

46:42 We're doing it for you! I think I'd go with that. Allowing media request, if I wanted to get it You know, the Patriot Act. No. Journalists are supposed to go in there I don't know. This reminds me of, for whatever reason, You came to Fast 7. is to get this hacker and get her program This is interesting. I enjoy them because it's the closest thing to as an adult.

50:43 It's like, hey, look how great outer space. Let's watch that video. And by the way, that movie probably sold 100 billion This movie's so good. This car is going into space, son. Janky scuba suits, too. That's weird. Oh, yeah. Right. Because they don't want you to know about God. Like, you know what I mean? And then you start getting suspicious about everything.

54:50 we've ever observed is round why they are round how's there's a thing called bode's law where you All of them are round. The idea that we're the only ones slightly but you can't tell by looking at it stupid right it's still pretty much a circle It is wild up there. It doesn't mean there's no God. that you have to sort of let in. I think there's, there's something to that, the energy that you,

57:46 People that want to start arguments and fights with people, people that want to, like, God damn, man. positive conversations the positive interactions you have with people then they have more positive you put out and the more positive conversations and positive interactions you have with people, And it's not just by your experiences. the energy if they seat it poorly and it's like all that stuff matters like you can't you can't

1:00:06 it was so dog-eat-dog Now his life has changed. I can't get an agent. keys they did yeah they really held the keys and now it doesn't feel like that at all at all it's Right. Because it's just the industry out here is podcasting. You know what I mean? So, eventually, they'll be like, well, if that's where the talent is, that's where we There is, like, almost a vested interest for people in L.A. to like not want this to work.

1:02:32 Yeah. if tom segura was still in town if right christina pazitsky was still in town like so many people It would be awful. a lot of times when, they can kind of do it. not funny yes and i would say the the mothership lineups without really trying to be diverse are you can do it. Like, you're going to get clear place where you could go and you could learn from watching all these other comics and then you

1:05:35 Look at my friend. It's pretty amazing. And he moved here not long after me. Because they picked up their family, there you know like it's weird energy like the building was like thank you well the building And that matters. So we tore the outside of the wall, and you see the exposed brick. They cleaned up. and I think the Hindu one is flat. It's just very funny

1:08:04 It's like a blessing thing. Maybe ghost stripes. Yeah, it's been co-opted. stuff this is all this is all like common knowledge but look at uh check this out we had a Because you would think that, oh, hey, this is like, and, you know, this is like the common knowledge of everyone. How do you not Right. So I would venture to guess that person who did that in their apartment complex is from India.

1:10:38 Yeah. of the doubt there. It's not a great mustache But even Jordan couldn't pull it. I was like was like nah I gotta get rid of this Hitler Nobody goes what the fuck is wrong with you? Like a Minnesota Nazis. He killed somewhere between 50 and 70 million people during his lifetime. you will find less carbon on Earth. He killed 10% of the world's population.

1:12:39 rotting in the roads that their wheels were getting stuck in the mud of decaying bodies. Wild shit. Kings and put them under People were screaming there's reports So they'd take the milk from their horses They literally let them rot off their body. All this sounds, like, at the time, that sounds absolutely horrifying. Stormed a rave and killed 200 people.

1:15:34 It's like a- Well, you can't fucking print that The need It was all that. And it showed going down where the parking lot of the hotel was, allegedly. I just assume that. Which is bananas. I was thinking this the other day. I mean, like the official Israel Twitter that Israeli suites stated is going crazy. You know what I mean? Right. Right. And they want to do that. They want to be able to shut

1:19:53 So you would, let's say, with that specifically, you'd be like, you know, one of the people jay batachara like people from stanford real epidemiologists real virologists real people Now you're a mouthpiece for whatever, whether it's the pharmaceutical drug companies or it's the government or someone. I got the vaccine beard. to texas and then being here and being like, they were just open the whole time and everyone's fine.

1:22:30 to go inside? Well, it also wasn't great job of of of keeping people pent up inside when that they offered that solution they were He just died of a heart attack. Last year, only 17% americans got the fall covid they're willing to do it to kids Is that real? Died Suddenly. Well, the scariest one is the excess mortality data for young people. in all of this.

1:25:55 was very like oh man fucking aaron take them and now i'm like oh wow i'm glad like i'm glad that And then we all got sort of mad at that. He got some horrible, he goes, I was, I felt like I was dead. And isn't it wild that like that one, no one's scared of, but it's the COVID thing. If this was about national health, why aren't we talking about that?

1:28:04 Child dies after nearly drowning and then he died. a few hours before Yom Kippur. But I still feel like the, I would say the sus meter in my head is still going off. No, I mean, the sites I was finding it from were like this. And that's where the statement came from, and that's what they're saying. Yeah, we were talking last night about this Chinese website.

1:30:02 I'm just chilling in the hotel room just going through. CNN was in Gaza with fucking helmets on the ground Yeah, that makes absolute sense. There's this migrant crisis that we have now oh, this is kind of what happens when you go into these other places it's available and you can just walk across the border They made a deal with the Venezuelan government to send the Venezuelans back.

1:32:18 They don't want to bring that over there. They don't want to hear any of that socialist crap. hard work and family more than immigrants? someone like my, you know, my parents, both hardworking immigrants, would most likely be And I don't think he's wrong. kind of cult of its own, that Fred Phelps guy. there's no that's it's always like, and a giant douche?

1:35:03 It's also, the left that are blowing up Starbucks and doing it for climate change like There's a lot of lazy people because they know that in their world. Because then it shows you like, oh, this is their bullshit. And it's not just this one thing. So to see how they think and to see how they interpret that is very important. Right. It's not going to be good for the world if the country heats up.

1:39:35 fucked everything ever north america was half of it was under miles of ice 12 000 years ago Always 74 degrees on September 31st. when they're talking about radically changing all electric cars and no one's going to own a car anymore and all that shit, Fungi inhales oxygen and exhales carbon dioxide. of unpredictability in these the same sort of fear-mongering that they had with covid well during the 1970s they thought we were

1:42:29 It's very interesting to see how many things are, especially on Twitter, are like, oh, this is totally fake. know there was it didn't feel like I think that movie had some But that was a terrifying movie. No, it's good. But to make people afraid doesn't serve. It's just like you're making people more anxious. So to get people so afraid to the point where they don't want to keep going with the species is wild.

1:45:01 We kill them. So I was listening to this guy every square mile is So this guy is like essentially urban hunting. And along with climate change, there's going to be someone trying to use methods to mitigate it that also restrict your ability to do things. It's the making and the manufacturing and the shipping of the car. there was no longer a foggy haze where they traveled,

1:48:29 in the United States every day. Damn. That's so funny. into the atmosphere and that would ask No, that's the astrazine. So as it goes through, the turbines, this incredibly hot thing that's spinning, it's Fucking planes. So people that don't look into that go, oh my God, the government's spraying us. and then all of a sudden planes would go by Right.

1:51:25 Damn. That's pretty long. Let's have that interview. I forget who Prince was talking to. 2009. It wasn't that long ago. Oh, shit. Damn. 2009. Apparently, all those shows, he fucked his hips up pretty bad. is they just need it. Damn, fentanyl's out here putting up numbers. They, Jesus. It's a docudrama. Pure evil. Just sacrificing lives for money Well, they're a spokesperson for a large organization that tells them what they're supposed to prescribe.

1:54:06 right you know and they want to buy a porsche right of course well you you you you want to What did you want to do with that? It takes you.2 seconds to even perceive that he threw it. .2 seconds you have to decide That really got me. It's called the humunculus. Fascinating. I was basically I did the indian thing of like Oh. to go to med school. year three I was on stage.

1:58:20 Yeah, so the one thing I took away from that is like the focal point. whatever felt natural, and I'll touch it. That's the big thing I've taken away. Yeah, I'll just Mm-hmm. That's interesting that you're consciously sort of directing that. It's so funny. You you're paying attention to me. Right. I got you locked in. I got you locked in. It's so funny.

2:01:02 going to be work or not based on how much they cheer at the opening like the the announcements that like curtis or jody or a keynote give so There's one move where they breathe fire. it well and they're not clunky it's like they'll take you on this nice journey and it's really fun. Like obviously I love those sets where they love you up top and you're just like – like the second show yesterday.

2:02:54 And I, Yeah. that people go, what the fuck? It's a dance. and it's a good it's a good like lesson in staying in the pocket too. I'm just like, don't, don't, don't quit on this. And I have to just stay in the pocket and figure it out. Right. maybe even less, be okay with it It's not thought out in your mind. Like, I know I can get into that cave. incomplete that I started and I never put them on

2:06:10 Exactly. It's sort of hopeful. Like anything can be a great subject. Like, his bits are just these wonderful journeys down Yeah. you have to be That's where a lot of people who are at the Mothership now ironically started. And one of the things we would always tell people is you got to leave because you would see these people who stayed for too long, who were at the top for too long, and you see it across all cities that aren't like the places where the big comics go.

2:09:32 I was out in like two years. And a lot of them have too much regional material, which is death. he can do that about the Supreme Court right do that about global warming he can do that about the Supreme Court. Right. He can do that about global warming. Excite me that really do excite me to talk about that truly gay that you care about when something comes up

2:11:48 A woman with an eight-month-old baby on display in her womb. Right, right. Right. you know good moves they are well it's also sentient AI is well, if we already did that, that sentient being being like oh this sort of cold calculating sort of thing. Or, you know, survival. that it could utilize that power and use it to further its needs, like maybe make a better version of itself.

2:15:49 Right. I always thought that was funny. What if the universe itself is God? yeah man it's just it's a strange strange existence that we all share yeah it's it's we talk about that all the time we're hanging out in the green room yeah all these shows that we do like how lucky are we to ron white's in there conservative Bangladeshi Muslim people, So rare.

2:19:00 They thought it was just going to make me angrier. was like I'm gonna be a loser I'm always a loser like I'm always the new kid in I was like constantly there. This is a completely different thing. I think he was from Illinois. And what a wheel kick is, you spin with your back leg and you hit him in the head. That you were going to be resting. I'm down and go to sleep so I wanted everybody to know that I was so relaxed that you look at me resting I'm gonna go to sleep and then and then when I would knock people out I

2:22:27 he's in Boston, so I got back home to Boston, Like, I'm them. Damn. For me, it was a bunch of, I remember one of the exact moments where one of my friends was like, you should try stand-up. But they made him jacked. making everybody laugh because I was always looking for attention right so if I get attention Like, I go, listen, you guys are laughing because you like me.

2:25:13 And I can't go on in front of those guys. But I didn't do terrible. so clunky yeah i had a joke about uh license plates from new hampshire that say live free or I have my 10th time on stage, Yeah, it's amazing. No. The luckiest. And I have my own podcast called The Dangerous Brown Podcast.