Joe Rogan Experience #2066 — Ralph Barbosa Transcript

Transcript

0:00 The Joe Rogan Experience. Man, I hear good things about you. I was just talking to Brian Simpson about you today. I'm a huge Brian Simpson fan. I love that dude. Yeah? Hell yeah. Yes. That show, it sets the standard because it's all just about being funny. Well, it depends on where you're from. It's just, it's Hollywood, man. Yeah. Yeah. People kind of got a little freaked out for COVID for a couple of weeks, and everybody sort of just settled in.

4:16 because uh i think i think i think it's not all la comics but there were a few that maybe felt When Joe opens up his club, it's over. Stop with the silliness. gotta get to la you gotta get to yeah it's not the case anymore. That's not real anymore. It's just a couple clips. It's beautiful. hard worker you got to actually put it there's too many guys that are really good that just go to one

7:23 It's not the work ethic. It's because Owen had great jobs. If he's happy, he's happy, right? That's some cutthroat shit. In the 90s? That was a big show. along the line i think it was like the 2000s reality shows came around everybody wanted a I think like maybe the new ones do. Like they could could obviously the Kardashians make a shitload of money

10:15 My yeah props to writers man props to write props to writers But it'll be like, I could take a joke. but they just throw me over there. once throughout the day and if if i happen to catch your message or your comment i catch it You know, and you're like, hey, what's up, man? Man, yeah. And I don't know why my first reaction instantly was just to be like, yo, Rodrigo.

12:43 And he was like, like Eric or something. I was like, yo, Eric? And then I was like, nice fucking with you man i was like what's your name and he was like like eric or something i was like yo eric and then i was like nice to meet you bro and i was like my bad dude just loves to fight. I don't think Vince has ever been in a fight. I'm not like, if he hits me, then I'll hit him.

14:15 So I was like, I'm not going to have a video of me getting knocked out in the ice come out the day before the special. Yeah. You're a wild young kid. That'd be good for you. one song that like uh you can't stop me now yeah it's like a boxing classic rizzo's got so many No, that's not as fun the yellow lights no winter is a different In the heat, all you have to do is get in the shade, get water, don't be stupid, be in reasonably good shape, and you can get away with it.

17:33 As long as there's a place to get warm. on instagram somebody was just like if uh climate change like keeps getting worse that will happen It's never steady forever. What was that? shit in the air that like caused problems with the storms and the Sun and I'm learning a lot man learning about Hollywood in the 90s and climate change bro I'm here You got the experience.

20:42 love watching it i really do i love watching people crack it's fun i love like trying people get better at shit. And I love watching it. I really do. I love watching people crack. You've got a lot going for you, man. I know a few guys who've done like the guys who had problems with coke, who did coke and then did stand-up, and they said it fucked their stand-up up.

22:09 I just, I try to chill sometimes just because I know that if I do start drinking, And there's no satisfying them. It's great. Whole staff's partying, just hanging out. Yeah, it's a great vibe. It's a real great All these guys that would tour on the weekends, we'd all meet each other at the bar downstairs. So you knew it was like, you set it down on Mitzi's bar.

24:22 phone three times and shazam pops up. I could tap three times. buddy. Gotta work on my piano skills. I imagine piano players, man. That kind of dexterity in your fingers. Piano and guitar or anything you could do with your fingers like that, yeah like you were playing pool earlier with jake you can make a ball right that's a skill gets better all of us get better for sure And there's something about that that's fucking cool.

26:46 So that's the one that I really stuck to. crazy yeah you're bringing joy you're just bringing joy to all these people but you're Ron White's sober now. I mean, murdering. I don't know. And you're doing it with people that are like you. That green room at the mothership, at any given night, it is just like a full-on show. And, you know, you start to get a little comfortable.

29:55 my bad yeah it's tough to go back but sometimes i kind of miss that too to be around somebody who's Sometimes they're curious about things Yo, what up, Tommy Jr.? imagine if i read my comments i was gonna ask you about that too do you ever read them no no they're the way you should have, you know, you know, you know, if a show went well, you know, if a show sucked, you know, you were off, you like, you didn't have, and it was something,

32:51 And I think for some people, they get trapped in this world of other people's opinions and they don't take enough time to look at themselves. nobody's really in the car with you nobody saw if you actually shifted wrong or correctly right I just don't think that's mentally healthy. yeah I was like nah because I want to see what people say right right um but after a while I was

34:39 here like right i didn't i was like i don't know they're saying they're wrong i mean fucking All the people that came from communist countries. Little baby cigars. You're just talking shit. You got a gold Versace shirt on. Yeah, yeah, yeah. trump impression yeah it's fucking insane it's so good you have like an ashtray oh right there Cool pictures like that

36:40 That's why this dude's like a big point of the club was development like we want to have two nights of open mic night every I love the upstairs room, the little boy, because you got comics going up, but you also have, like, every employee in the mothership going up. Well, we all came from open mics. You could. all enjoy people talking shit and us laughing it's the it's the most beautiful thing i love it to

39:42 my shoulders he got off so he hadn't done stand-up I go, Yeah, I'll take a big cigar. I'm new to the cigar world. But no, this dude is like really dope cigars. like my friend Evan from Black Rifle Coffee, Professional sippers. and how they grow them and how they take care of them and hey you had this one guy on here once i can I tell you about this?

43:18 What are you going to say? It could have been somebody else. And I was watching the clip like at 1 a.m. just chilling, you know. Like, ah, that's not—don't pay attention to that. bench they sat down all the students and our instructor whispered a secret to the first i'm an atheist i'm not an atheist i i feel like i'm on something like that you know there's something

45:53 It would be nice if there was a good one. Right. Oh, yeah. I think it helps a lot of people and I don't necessarily think it's oh yeah I think it came from somewhere and I think there's there's like real wisdom to these stories that people They wrote on animal skins. And he was an ordained minister, but he was also agnostic. And that all – it's a very, very controversial book.

48:40 I don't know if that's true. were riding on like cow skin. Yeah, it's only like 16 years old. to be born in this life. And then you'd say, no, we should let them free. in badass i don't know you. The wolves are back in town. Oh, shit. Wolves ate people. The world is very split right now. Bitch was tripping. I think it's just because on the inside I'm always,

51:50 You ever had like a boss at a place? but yeah the ceiling man i was tripping so hard and the face came out and it looked like it like I was like, no, dumbass, like I can't breathe. Yeah, well, a lot of changes have happened really quickly with you. The story's a little different. brian simpson that dude's hilarious hilarious but at the same time i was like i kind of want

54:10 after the special came out is when i actually got to like enjoy enjoy headlining on the road and i You're on the road. What a good time. of being in the right time hell that was you know do you remember that what is that girl's name is it angela johnson the one who has that vietnamese Could you imagine the place is packed and you're the headliner, but you know they're all there for the middle act?

56:52 You want some coffee? I was opening her for like eight of those shows. and i like fuck i was like i i need i need to work out material in front of everybody it can't just is real important, especially in the early days. because you get a little bit of, like, those diverse strangers. An open mic. little trailer home and he always kept it. like painting cars working on cars started saving money started doing like contractor jobs started

1:00:36 But he built that house, and it's nice, man. I started building a house on that land as well before my cousin's house was still very much like like artistic painting you mean no like you know paint the cars like tough to paint you gotta you gotta be a skilled like experienced painter because you can't just fucking you know you you always got to be And they got good.

1:02:39 My uncle had a paint. Right now he's in his like late 30s, mid 30s. My uncle would teach it to me when i was a teenager i got older i'd spend a couple weekends over there at the body shop with my uncle whatever um after high school i want to fucking learn this you know know? Yeah. Let me do this. wasn't even like there a lot of the time man uh you know like there's a lot of preparation that

1:05:45 Yeah, bro. What is that doing to you then? We're breathing in like Bondo dust. They help. But those masks aren't going to help you when it comes to paint and, like, vice versa. trying to be a painter you got to be up like a print a paint prepper or like a painter's moving a fucking hood or a door like right just random shit he was there and he had a buick like

1:08:41 So I just kind of quit and I did whatever I had to do to make sure comedy worked out. once i'm comfortable people i'm still like But I know for sure one of those guys was after me. Because once he yelled at me, I was like, all right, that's my time. I just stick to my job. Older dudes would scare me. But I am. So when I'm like 19, 18, I'm doing it once every few months.

1:12:01 the place that really made me love comedy because you you can't even talk about like the restroom so i feel like that forced me to really write you know get And the audience that would show up for this, they'd get a real audience for the mic. just looked at that guy i didn't think about my jokes i didn't think about nothing i was like man So then you started feeling it.

1:14:02 me host the weekends with just three minutes but there's like it's like a showcase style room and there's tons of comics the show too woke but you know you were a little cleaner a little friend woke side, not necessarily too woke, but you know, you were a little cleaner, a little friendlier. because all of them, you had shit to learn. but I've been in there tons of times just to watch and shit, you know?

1:15:42 a grandmaster type dude. But to be able to do everything, you know what I mean? Anything crazy. He doesn't give a, it's just like, Like, you can't do that to Joey. anybody that he did. But Joey gets to like 9. He only did one show. party so when we would all go on the road together it was just fun it was I'm like, man, I should give somebody else a chance, like a local.

1:19:49 Yeah. I also just stopped, you know, checking social media, so— I'll be like, yeah, bro, cop on. i was early on they were already kind of on and popping within texas so they'd take me to like fuck it this crowd's gonna have fun either way right um but yeah if i if i can man like i'm i'm was for well ron white was here before all of us ron white had told me about he had already moved

1:22:55 but then when i decided to move i was telling everybody i was like One of the guys that was in the cult actually still owned it. And the Cult Awareness Network is like they're like now So you know Ron likes the man so he tells me I should buy that place my that probably the perfect spot and so I was like, okay, let's go. Everybody loves Ron White. There's no Ron White our like elder statesman of stand-up, you know, everybody loves Ron White like oh

1:25:42 like it probably joey jo Joey I was about to ask you yeah I think he's the funniest guy ever Goodbye. Bro, they would throw people up. I can't pay attention to that. funny i feel that but if someone's funny then you feel like oh good i'm loose now they're they're of guys who get caught up in other people's i did it for a while. I caught myself on stage once when I was an open mic-er.

1:28:24 I feel like a lot of the comedians And one time he told me, he was like, hey, man, you're funny. I put the nerves to the side And I'm your friend I feel like I'm still learning oh man never takes the mic out of that stand people always like hype up the chair like don't I can tell you. some people got my buddy hyman i grew up with this my childhood best friend goofiest fucking

1:31:55 We had a falling out. Whatever. i'll keep throwing you up on stage that's beautiful but you know i also told him like is he still Yeah. Like, oh, man. she would fucking crush a pool ball in her hand and the fucking intro video was hilarious our friend the cool waitress He's good. You got something. He said I remember he was talking about watching Hicks. He goes every time I watch Hicks with I keep thinking

1:35:41 95 because I think I'd already made my way. 94? Right. Push that over. was working from than most comics he was like really well read he would quote Noam Chomsky is like hicks had this he knew more about more things than other comics did and when he talked You know how those are. And he just had thoughts that he wanted to get out. Yeah, he's not as funny as

1:38:24 That's what we were talking about about earlier that's a dope part about I would. But I could sit down for hours on YouTube, that's it. You have one non-sequitur into another non-sequitur. nothing to even learn from it nothing just jokes just pure for the sake of the laugh yeah yeah Like, Latino Republicans look weird. Cubans are feisty people, though.

1:40:45 yeah shut up what they have to use is like right or wrong I'm definitely making some mistakes out here. In some ways, you're like, yikes. Yeah, it's silicone. Have you ever seen what happens when you get your finger caught in your ring doing something like jujitsu? See that? That shit is gone, son. this do you wear the regular one when you go out like yeah or something like that rolex nice ring

1:42:52 You know what I mean? Yeah. I get it. It's crazy that that's the place to, like, fucking prove yourself. I'll give you a hundred bucks. You let us in. And they'd be like, all right, well, you guys get in. I'm like, first of all, why do you hang out with these people? And they sit there. The guy's showing up. We started getting to tour of October 2022, right?

1:45:48 I'm going to get a bottle, and I'm going to just go all out. they start trying to stand on your section strangers on your section oh no right and they're doing it on purpose because it's like this ego The reason why people do that is because they don't have other things going on. I'm going to buy the 1989 Michael Keaton Batmobile. Does someone make that?

1:48:14 Don't buy that one. I never knew. I'm down. one time one time i it was like my first time going to las vegas and it was also my first like out there's all these buttons up here and buttons down there fuck that's too many buttons yeah is there actual prince on that island? I don't think so. Well, one thing that rain does do for you, if you spend a week in the rain,

1:50:41 I think I need that because right now I'm sick of the sun. Do you have a favorite movie? I watched High Plains Drifter the other day for the first time in years, and I forgot. Oh, it's great. What is it called again? 73. you know those uh heat waves that you see when you look at a highway it's like it looks like a mirage movie because it's a time capsule.

1:52:53 I will just kind of get captured in it. I fucking love that. He's like, why are you killing us? Oh, man. Not kind of. oh, shit, bro. but I'm like, I don't know. I'm just intrigued by club culture in general, man. When you saw him dance, like, oh, my God, look at him go. Smoking a cigar, watching 70s movies. Oh, yeah. This is a great movie, but it also gave me a lot

1:56:27 oh sorry what are you they didn't know I feel like What do you do? So the mailman just knows where you live. but she went to it's like the majority stories about Salvadorians I'm trying to find help for my husband to get his U.S. visa. Right, when do you think they first, like, figure out these problems. somehow. too comfortable these days, man. Wolves in the street.

1:59:26 Things were easy enough, you know? Wow. I bet when they did invent streets I think the second one he said was probably the best. Okay, let's see if you can see how to say it. Oxyrhynchus. They're so stupid. Yeah. Mm-mm. You know what I'm saying? to do it and that's one of the cool things about comedy is like you can't tell you can kind of give and for some people,

2:03:18 Finding your voice. He had an amazing Travolta impression. And this guy would be this fucking wild dude from Brooklyn. So for me to be friends with him now just trips me out all the time. Like, hey, you want to listen to some comedy? it was just from Dice every now and again you're a fan of but I heard that Freddie Prinze pulled a gun on somebody. Yeah.

2:06:32 He says, I'm going to kill this guy. I'm the best guy. Oh, my God. Freddie Prinze? That was his show. He was a good comic. That was his third season, so he would have started at 19. Yeah. checkerboard flooring on And Little Hobo is a puppet Who is like Anton LaVey's I was like, this is so ridiculous. it was a fun time but they were just like i don't know what their thing is duncan says they're just

2:10:39 Oh, really? of satan and this abandoned place where this guy used to do his research at someone went to visit Let's go back and find out. Oh, shit. So go on that photo there. Hold on. Crazy. Oh. It was mostly science fiction. So this is him when he, like, he's stumbling upon, like, they got Latin written on the walls and it's weird. Don't be sacrificing people in the woods.

2:14:50 But, you know, there's always been people that are, like, doing secret things on the fringe, you know? I think they probably like to do the creepiest, There was this guy in, so like when I used to go work at my dad's body shop, we'd stop at this gas station sometimes. In the park. like you probably just do crazy shit just for the fuck out just for just because you can you know

2:17:00 They want that. shitty movies with your money then you don't know what the fuck you're doing like that guy which is You see what I'm saying? They call me old school, but I feel like if I spent $250,000 on the ticket, I want like What are you going to buy? Yeah. Bro, you want to wait a few years. Nah, yeah. what's the height what's suborbital? Yeah, that's my friend.

2:20:06 Andy did something similar. They're weightless. I'm not doing that. It's real fast. This is changing my financial plans. Imagine you come back and you're in the Mongol days. Maybe there's like another planet, another universe. or something like that. Yeah. in earth's shadow but that's spacewalks in low earth orbit Don't do it, buddy. You want to be on the 100th mission

2:22:59 They probably go Have you guys pressure tested that motherfucker at 30,000 feet below the earth? Are there other things like that submarine ship available that we just don't know about? The documentary? Operation Odessa. They offered to sell him nukes. I should have sold drugs. Triumph true crime caper of the 90s and he was hoping or more like, a guard at the prison deep in a Panamanian jungle wouldn't screw him over.

2:25:04 Yeah, it's a great documentary. You need a tank? You could buy tigers out here. But that's like a snack for a tiger. They're huge. a fence but also a tiger in the wild is way more dangerous like that's a dangerous thing Yeah. I'm tired of just not in every situation. he'll let me know i could walk him without a leash like he'll stay by my side if he does get a little

2:27:58 I don't know. He's around my sister every day. dude i'd be like fuck this job this fucking dog's biting people and this is like the second dog that Yeah, there's a real fucking solution. went really wrong. one day when trying to pet her or something, I have a golden retriever If you're going to go on the road, having a dog is rough. He was always bringing his little dog to the comic store.

2:31:53 But there are some comics that I see their dog, I'm like, all right, that's a cool dog. Yeah, coyotes are, that's a weird little animal that lives alongside people. but they evolved around gray, and gray wolves kill coyotes. it would send some sort of a biological process into the female coyotes, But because of human beings, like moving in and killing coyotes and trying to force them out and then agriculture and all these different things, they just kept spreading out.

2:33:40 Yeah, we'll show you some photos. Well, the first time I ever saw a coyote was in 94 when I first moved to L.A. oh shit, Look at that. Oh yeah. Didn't some lady get killed recently by a bear in Florida? That's like getting killed by a bear at the Mall of America. Someone's going to have a gun. Someone's going to have a gun. You can't... at you and your bullets are going in a couple of inches and it's just ready to fuck you up

2:36:16 I think it's crazy that people go to hikes in places where there's bears. i've never gone hunting but one time we were walking through this like fucking trail it wasn't thing is is a crazy way to get into hunting because you kind of have to kill those yeah to get used to that because i was just living like in a regular fucking neighborhood and if i wanted

2:38:41 if I just run as fast as I can, I don't think he's going gonna come that far you know and then another dog started coming i was like what the fuck It's like their instincts kick in. Their instincts kick in. And so there might be still wolves in Texas? Like I know they mean like nobody's taking care of them, but it also just feels like Jesus Christ.

2:40:33 I didn't know what to say because he was a regular dude. And then we take it and we'll put that in the middle of a field and then we hide. Imagine you have to make time during the week to go try to put a dent in this population. And then they'll have the young ones that are stupid. Wolves are going to give up. I've never seen a shark. You want to watch that from a boat with a shotgun in your hand.

2:42:48 Gators come out and grab you. This motherfucker just goes right through the cage. look at that No. Oh, my God. Yeah, it was on his toes. Oh, my God. have any idea what the kind of power those things have it went right through that bullshit cave She's got a little booty on her. Look at the size of it. She's still alive. Look at that. Because you're probably nervous, right?

2:46:06 He'll drop on his back like, grab my belly. It's the total opposite of a Rottweiler. your sister, right? to end this podcast. fucking taking pictures with the snake at the fair you know what i mean not me bro fuck that you know the ones that are like 50 60 pounds you can't do that and then they get older you can take No, the tiger's like, ugh. Tigers start sucking dick for drugs.

2:48:26 All right, Ralph. Yeah, do Bottom of the Barrel, too. It's real fun. All right.