Joe Rogan Experience #2071 — Kim Congdon & Sara Weinshenk Transcript

Transcript

0:00 the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day Like solemn. Okay. Especially. Don't call him what? Oh, when you're a big guy and someone calls you Hoss, Bubba, or Big Boy. That Netflix show? But there's this really wild lady who's a drug smuggler, that older lady, and she kills And so she blows his fucking brains out with a shotgun.

3:00 little more that's what i think for in florida that's i don't know you would say hillbilly and I don't know much about hillbilly redneck this whole drug deal. I don't think it's that Sorry. She's so good in that role. That looks so fun. Have you done it? Sometimes I like it more than stand up damn i i just think it's just it's just different they're just different i like

4:56 I like finding a character you're pretending to be a person, So I really like it. It's not a number, but the caller ID says, That used to be, Yeah, whoever, Are we in a fight already? A lot. And I'm like, oh, no. So I called them. And they're like, yeah, sometimes that happens. be like Instagram DMs? Like, everyone's just going to be like Instagram DMs.

7:46 But what I'm saying is when you think about it, it's kind of the same. but they can. They can go can join your live. I'm like this might be fun taking in calls and i had like a thousand people on that too. They'll find a way to show you their dicks. I don't think it's horny people shooting up those schools. going to shoot up a school right after they just jizzed.

9:37 There's such a lot of people that are lonely. You know how I got verified on Instagram? At Broadway. I'm going to get my camera that's on a tripod in the back. But then when I turn around to see who does it what the fuck are you talking about? Oh, God. So I'm like, I have an hour to find this guy. the way you can only see certain shadows and him digital and he looks a lot like him so i thought i was being

13:16 No, I don't know how he got away. so then so then i mean this is like at this point joey's off stage i haven't even told him and then they were like do you want to call the cops i was like no Like, what was he thinking? The whole night went different. And I just had a great set. from the hip, like I'm She used that article to get her checkmark. Yeah, don't wish for that out loud.

16:22 Did he have a cane? Right, post-touch. Do you want an egg roll? And I was like, I don't want a balloon. I was like no I know she likes those balloons yeah it was really funny I was at the comedy store telling people that was like i don't know what happened to her she has blue hair and someone goes that's her blue to be somebody? Not really, because

18:56 I think it's just to have one. That should be verified. No, I know. that. I'm sure they do that. It's wild. Repent. When? wild how There's a solar flare tomorrow? I'll show you how to zero in a rifle. You guys went shooting together. One day? And this is on the NASA website? Cheeto. Imagine. It's kind of like when I look at the sun, I also think of my heart where I'm like, I need it to pump every time to survive.

22:48 The balance between life and death with Earth, our moon is so large that it keeps being balanced is the stability that the moon gives us. That's a jellyfish. And that's what's still like, these are giant. Yeah, that's what they think. Because it created everything. They smashed. And it's the same thing as the other things. It's kind of sexual. Holy shit is it sexual because it created everything. They smashed.

24:40 All of those solar What? It really does. How big is this? It looks like some avatar shit. Wind from stars? Our eyes couldn't see that without this data. And it might be really dumb. And a lot of it is computer generated. what it really looks like. But either way, but some people are speculating It seemed a little close for me, sweetie. that they don't know already.

28:28 It's crazy. and process these images and then he took that Because this is real. I was showing everybody, They be filtering the moon, Samsung. So anyway, what it actually does is it just knows what the moon looks like, They played super dirty. Yeah, lie to me. Total bullshit computer generated nonsense. Like this is crazy. We were at Skank Fest. So that's where it'll get you.

31:35 Inside our lifetime. Because it's a simulation, and we don't actually ever end. That's a mental illness that comics have. Yeah. That I do. at the green room. Like, what a fun hangout. He goes, I could quit comedy, but I couldn't quit comedians. It's the clubhouse. That's what he's saying when I'm knocking on the door. it's so perfect because I'm like

34:06 You see the fucking clock. Okay. wonder like what if you ever have repeating dreams yeah oh my gosh i had to see a doctor about publicly for a while until i found that tiktok of a bunch of people saying I've been here too in a haunted condo Get you in your dreams. I don't like it. we can't really discern what's coming from while they're sleeping. You know it's a dream.

37:01 You're tired because you're sleeping. So they just run just at your heels. But they're just running just fast For the first few seconds You're laughing, you're getting more scared because you know you can't run much longer. Do you think it'd be fun to have sex with a demon? No. You proud to be dad? Yes, I have that often, like reoccurring. perceptive guys i don't know if i've told you that yeah no fucked up dreams you know i had a friend

39:35 And it was someone and I could tell someone I cared about because they wasn't scared when they were sitting next to me. Kim is a little intuitive. Are you saying I'm schizophrenic? I was taking Adderall for a lot of years and then i stopped Because I was like, I got to do this paper, you know? And so just like awake and awake and awake real it wasn't even real sleep damn because then you get like a tolerance to it right

42:17 It's really scary. I'm scared. It was like having a flashback. It was crazy. I'm grateful every day to not be on it. and took everything away. And then now I know I have some friends who are still on it, No, it's so fucked up. That was one of the benefits for me you skinny. And when you're a woman. Because you're not hungry. No, it's so fucked up. And the house is clean and I'm a stand-up comedian.

44:56 It's like for me, boxes in my house that are just half opened i got bags of stuff i'm like i don't know what that is Cigars It's embarrassing. And Sarah's like, what if we say throbbing instead of pulsating? that embarrassment gene is just fucking Right, that's a thing. greeny he's the guy who wrote that book the gray man and they did that ryan reynolds it's ryan

47:12 I always fuck those dudes up. And I was like, you got a house like why We said that Hawaii healed our marriage. Like, when you guys are doing your podcast Right, exactly. I mean you are spot Yeah. The ladies of skydiving? They're angry. He made the first certain kind of parachute. annoying ones that take up the lanes I was like, I hope the cult doesn't come after us.

50:35 who is and you're like i know i'm out here being healthy i'm out here looking to lengthen my life. What the fuck are you doing? Just buy a Peloton, call it. I think Ari Maness used to do stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go to the woods. Right. The last time I went hiking, I went on a different hike than I normally do with less people because i like it more but it's like never anyone around

52:50 If I'm at the beach, I'm pretty embarrassing. I'm like snorkel on, have a tube where the water's breaking and I'm trying to dive through the ocean. Sarah's tanning. Yeah. I'm like snorkel on I like Like I'll just like About how we got humiliated in Kauai. Yeah. But it doesn't know where to go. pod I'm getting them out i was like i didn't you were stressing them out like that she was like, I didn't know. You are stressing them out. Oh, my God.

54:58 What is this? And they caught a stingray. You could? It's like a fish. It's interesting. It's an interesting flavor. But, I mean, on a menu at a restaurant. Is it fishy? It's very good. It's like a fish. of sea karens. But this sea karen, she came out Allowed statewide, mostly taken in Southern California. You can eat them. They're kind of cute. The sea, the stuff in the sea, very alien-like.

57:00 I know how they learn. down there they just go with what the flow is they're very uh they're very jelly like they and things enter our experience some of them are poisonous as fuck people like that i know a lot of jellyfish well especially if you think about where box jellyfish That's a James Bond movie. That'll kill you. It bites, I think, if I remember correctly.

59:12 A blue-ringed octopus ejects tetrodoxin, a harmful toxin that could paralyze and kill a human adult in mere minutes. It can kill 26 full adults with one bite. And there's videos of people that pick it up. But. Memorize shit. was climbing out of his tank I mean, how insane is that? Joe, you want to hear the answer? Intuition. A little horny cell. Is this hentai?

1:02:21 Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. No. Oh yeah, they were definitely taking down ships. bottom of the ocean floor. They're like imprints of tentacles. Okay. Where McMinnon and his daughter spent a few days in the summer. Charles Camp puzzled over these fossils in the 1950s. I think that's a kraken. Before whales. Holy fuck. But the question is like, what part of the tentacle

1:06:13 I have one. You do? Yeah, my daughter does. Well, not. I could enjoy The Megalodon movie or whatever. It's like living in the 80s. We got freshies back there. They brought a bunch of them. Oh, no. It's going to strange, strange, The headphones don't leave his head. Okay. So it's sealed inside That was a big hit. This is so next level. Just go for it.

1:09:31 You're like, I want smelling salts. It's like... Trust me. And that's why he didn't go on the boat. with the fucking pianos rolling by? are more mobile building in the missing Malaysian You're looking for a missing plane? Have you done a cruise? the worst ocean ever. The ocean is wild and the ocean And when you see the people just not watching their fucking kids at the beach, it's like,

1:12:25 We were surfing. Everybody was like, we don't. his dad because it was like it's a different it like woke him up. I kept having anxiety. Hanalei Bay. and oh yeah and then you go to the local beaches and it's full of school kids like they beg their and they go, and they're all catching it, They're surfing backwards on purpose. During shark mating season.

1:15:31 Yeah. I would say 40 a year in Hawaii. Yeah. I think since the water's gotten warmer Shark fin soup? Not only is it a delicacy, my dad told me to correct this that you take for I mean, men will do anything to keep their dicks hard. I heard the scent of a shock. They sit around the campfire and get rhino horn. I heard the scent of a shark. Yeah, that makes sense.

1:18:12 Probably fishing for a shark. So it gives countries first and then states. It's in the top five. California? Hawaii, dude. Hawaii, in Texas? If you get bit by There's four boat bites. Which makes sense. Yeah. florida it's like an awesome place to do it right there's these videos of this girl on tiktok and she swims in her grandparents everglades I started following him.

1:21:07 I almost got eaten by an alligator when I was eight years old. I dare you guys to jump into the Springs. And so the giant swimming hole you could see through. I've seen this guy too LucaMartinez.fl Yeah, his footage is wild. His videos are beautiful. Yeah. Watch these two bears Maybe just keep doing this for himself. That's a wild place. Is that where the Northern Lights are?

1:23:38 That's the best place. It's a tough sell to go and suffer on vacation. Beautiful. That looks awesome. That'd be so fun. man. not even a bullshit CGI filter. And he's a fisherman. Jeff loves to talk aliens. Yeah, he is like because he lives in the ocean pretty much at night so he's like you don't he's like i've seen crazy shit i believe him yeah he says that there's like a ship it looks

1:25:46 And he's like, I keep posting what I filmed online and people are calling me crazy because they can't really see what I'm saying. should get him a camera i know get him like a really good camera with a zoom lens you know I know I sound crazy. about it the other day. I'm always in. essentially with rockets, you're shooting something out the back What these things supposedly can do is the way it's described by Bob Lazar, who is this

1:28:13 Pulling the fabric. They viewed this thing. They see it hovering over something that looks like a ship that's underwater. Right, like it can't be human. about UFO Disclosure Act. If Congress is not being given access to something that the military has Are breaking the law. Like, tell me what the fuck is going on. 50, 60 million? He might have been saying multiple things at once

1:31:22 saying that. Okay, he's saying there's a bunch Bro, have you seen JetBlue? I haven't even looked The best videos of fights takes place. Yeah. no nobody was that's why it's so offensive eggs are $14 there are a lot of eggs that come from They need to spread it out a little. is because of corporations. Connecticut chicken factory farm killed 100,000 egg-laying hens.

1:34:22 Yeah, Puerto Rico's a lot of wild chickens. I was like, Who makes that song, Because roosters are hot. Yeah. Was this called standard rock? You know, that kind of stuff. And they were wearing like tight leather pants. Yeah. So that was like hair bands. Oh, I Okay. It was a show. And they were wearing tight leather pants. It came to a crash because Nirvana was so good.

1:36:34 Yeah. Some people just have the ability through their music And he would walk into the octagon at that moment. America. for the troops, but get out of Because that one It seems like the default behavior Of human beings when they get control over giant groups of human beings is to control them tightly, more tightly than ever, every time, and then also try to invade.

1:39:14 People scoff at the thought of world peace. you know what I mean it's not what a jellyfish And it locks us into each other. You would know everything about everyone. Yeah, you're not really like a mixing up words type of person no but it's very different than being able to understand how you think I would rather that people see in my head because I feel

1:40:51 Because like the way Kim texts right when we first became friends, I was like, is she I'm like, XO. Phone calls are so much fun. The first time I got a text from Joey, I was shocked. Because that was back when you had to do it with your thumbs. but out of the people I don't see, he's awesome. did you see the email I also texted you about the email she'll text me something email it to me and

1:42:47 find what we're even. Yeah, it's the worst I can barely understand what the problem is yeah this Give me a countdown. And also, January 14th. KimCongdon.com for show dates. Oh, no. I'm not going to lie. I almost started this thing. I know exactly it too far. We took the salts It suggests you don't do it more than twice in a day. I thought she ate it.

1:45:40 In a good way. Yeah! Oh. What? Thank you, Juju Mufu. You want free salt to your leg? Is Juju Mufu single? I have no idea. Smelling salt problems, We're fine. Yeah, he's definitely on smelling sites. Joe. full split. Oh, he does a lot of wild shit. When I see him, I'm like, maybe I should stop doing these salts. It's Juju Mufu. Oh, Juju Mufu. I'm not.

1:49:15 Yeah, well, it's kind of like I've been dating guys who do MMA and it hits different. Going back? No. UFO. Yeah, you can't do that in want to but what if he keeps seeing these things how often does he see them he says i don't even If you were going to do something, And a lot of fishermen don't have the best cameras and phones. They definitely can do that.

1:51:24 But do they have to be I don't think they can do that yet, but do they have to what do they have? They're zooming in from the sky. That just tripped me out. What aren't they seeing? And they're like playing house in the kitchen. We're like, do we think there's aliens? Never talked about it again. Never talked about it again. at you in the middle of the night.

1:54:10 Roscoe's back. and then I could feel something staring and I looked toy the dog would growl at you. Yeah, they're the horniest ones. And we were all like, it was like weird to witness i never forgot it traumatized me the chihuahua who came in the air oh my god coming in the air i swear i'll never forget that little guy And then we all realized at the same time it was a condom.

1:56:06 That sounds fucking foul. They're eating your condoms. Jesus Christ. stuffing it up his ass. Can you imagine if you came Loves to lick his own dick They don't know any better. Because they don't get embarrassed. They do when they leave me alone. They don't get embarrassed, which is fascinating. That's why I love them, because they don't get embarrassed.

1:57:58 You're going to die. That I do think. hitting a dog. I don't know. And he was like, that's abuse. It's not necessarily. It's crazy. as much as we can possibly. But also we know more now, right? If you've gone through getting your ass kicked by shoes and belts and things like that, you're like, that is not good. And now the parents are like, you're saying we abused you?

2:00:51 People would beat the fuck out of their wives. I got in a fight with this kid and they spanked both of us. It was public school. Oh, jeez. No no I think so we were abuse. There's a new getting hot for fairy dude he says there's this book out every guy should buy it for his wife Yeah, it starts rather pleasant. This is some... I like... Like, all those romance novels with, like, Fabio on the cover, aren't those all kind

2:03:27 There's Bigfoot porn. That one was a good one. Not me sharing an STD with a chimp he just fucked 100%. He's all grown up. that what hold on yeah wait you just said you can hear it and they mouth fuck them do you think you Look at this guy. This is a pocket pussy. He's prying the mouth open with his thumbs. Most of what they do, I think, is rape. It's not funny

2:05:39 He's like Look, he's got a boner. Oh, no. I can't! These are some creamy crab legs. And you're dying it's like imagine if a giant did To get up to his dick. Come for Bigfoot. Did I tell you about that? what begins as a flirty, Thus begins teenage. Can we make them of age girls? What is that? But UFO would be like, okay, it's real. heard about an intelligent creature that speaks with sound like a human water yeah it's got a

2:09:35 Get the fuck out of here. Would you rather see a Sasquatch? There's Sasquatch, and then killer whales. Oh, look, there's an orca. That's how we would be like Bigfoot. Oh, look, there's a Bigfoot. Would you rather see a Sasquatch? Yeah, I feel like that too. Come for Sasquatch. Come for Sasquatch. or a UFO? Imagine it's a hot ass mermaid. before we start exploring.

2:11:17 I'm into that fairy life. Like, okay, have fun. get some lungs, pussy. with your fucking trident. with their minds. They're doing real math numbers Do you think that people It's always existed, the idea of moving things with your mind. How long before other things start emerging and maybe that's what like psychic thought really is if they're emerging properties of human beings right?

2:13:19 They've done like studies and people can tell to a certain extent when people are looking at them that seems But yeah. We all wore pink. Oh, it was Pauly Shore. But I don't know. But they found out that the freezer, now I don't know if this is a true story. They found claw marks in it and everything. It was a long time ago. I could see that you could have a heart attack.

2:15:35 in there and you're like i remember cold i remember being a kid it's a big one it's probably cold for Just do me a favor and climb in that oven. your grandparents and the kids realize they've been staying with two strangers they're at the Yeah. they're sick in a way you know that movie just strangers showing up They're in the middle of the woods. And it's like, no, it's just a movie about demented people.

2:17:54 You'll see them skedaddling with their mask off quick. Oh, wow. Yeah, that fucked me up. Look at his eyes again. Some dude from Bulgaria or somewhere, you know? And then it started like things went bad. And he's like still like the world. Well, I did like Whoa. Tell me if that's true. Something that said, I saw on a Reddit post that said he didn't blink for a year.

2:20:54 How do you not blink for an entire year? That doesn't count as a blink. Don't worry, you guys. Those are the director's notes. I will not blink. If you put me in a movie, I'll stop blinking for a year. I'll stop blinking. I'm sorry. Spielberg, if you're listening, I will not blink go over someone's house You guys don't know what I'm talking about? Or not. Look, she's a robot. No one talks about it. People need to talk more about Small Wonder. Or not.

2:22:37 No, she cleans and she does a lot of stuff. This is why you need Adderall. This is so crazy. She's fucking up your kids. pick your fucking kid up She kind of looks like a young you. There's a lot of bad shows. That's it? Oh, no, I'm sorry. What? That's where I was heading. No. Feeling a little down? It You never want to taste? No. Mm-hmm. or something.

2:25:47 You start coming down from it and you're kind of just like aggro. I just wanted to sleep. there was a few days of like it built up to it. Let me tell you, going to the psych ward will change you. was like a music segment where they this old guy would come in and he'd have like a tambourine and we'd all sit around. It sounds kooky in there. This dude with no pants, like right next to the phone

2:28:25 Oh, my God. It's this bitch, Spotify, iTunes, YouTube. And then another S-H-E-N-K. I'm very excited about it. Bye, everybody.