Joe Rogan Experience #20750001 — Ari Shaffir, Shane Gillis & Mark Normand Transcript

Transcript

0:00 The Joe Rogan Experience Happy Holidays Kwanzaa's out. Well, yeah. Are we going to get in trouble with the president of Harvard for lighting this? Who did? Harvard's got some great talent out there. that video because the video is fucking insane. genocide? Rank your top I forgot the eggnog. It's all good, except for the dead people. They've been trying to demoralize America by infecting their educational institutions.

3:24 Could be. That's all I was thinking. These are the people that you take the brightest It's the fucking school. We can always put the ears back. So the answer is yes. Why she's smiling and harassment? Does calling for the genocide of Jews violate Wow, they can't do it. Just imagine 10 years ago, before any of this woke shit really took off. It's fucking insane.

7:48 Yes, of course. Harassment means this. But that means if you say, fuck black people, then that's okay? This is crazy. I do not know his background. It says real. We're just saying what this Christopher F. Ruffo guy is tweeting, and I haven't researched it at all. Yeah. It says even if you do provide a citation. Susan Howell, and Deborah Fagan, which she reproduces nearly verbatim.

10:55 attribution is important but isn't everybody's work compiled upon the work just repeating. But the issue at hand is not I don't know. She changed it. It has all the symptoms of a mind virus, but it just doesn't have, It's just white is bad. It's just they're good at it. I grew up a Jew, so I kind of get it. You don't even get to be one of the whites.

13:33 Currently the least sexable comedian. Yeah, that's important. being influenced by other countries kid and you get to go to some of all the anti-Star Wars tweets Duncan lies a lot. His wife gets in on it. Look, they're shadowing on the machine. It is nutty. Refusing to let him move. KMO. The fact that this is happening. I'd go, what? Come on now. This is literally someone just trying to walk to class.

17:29 What is Harvard doing to support the freedoms, liberties, and rights of Jewish students to merely exist on campus? I think you might be one. A protest and said like, Israel rules. Remember that professor they fucking locked in a classroom with baseball bats trying to get to him? They're smart, but they're kind of dumb worldly. Yeah. I want to see this one out, fellas.

19:08 oh, you're valuable, but work is harder without you here. What it was before is like you cannot work if you don't want to. What does it say here? Also, he was just trying to get away. These guys, nobody here is doing it either way. and Ari's just going, We're big fans Always gotta blame the big guy I'm wearing sweatpants That was crazy. I love that.

21:49 And get it wrong! not easy. Imagine that. a casino. His background is he loves football, like a real American. That's so funny. Indian giver. Clip bragging. Did you get panicky This is the first time he's seen a show in like 10 years. He's like a seven-year-old fucking chief from Oklahoma. he did the Tonight Show. He got scalped. And that guy was around from like the 70s, right?

24:21 That's good whiskey. Muchachi. All right. before America. This company was started Sorry. Like, just watching that. When did this happen? Yeah, she got him. Right. someone who supports Trump is a Nazi. You can just go This is a fucking moose. This is a Smells like pussy. I almost threw him out of year. Nine months. You know what? It's very Rick Rubin-esque. Smells like pussy.

26:58 Come on. He really is that guy. Yeah, but he looks like that because he really is that guy. Barefoot. I don't mind your theory. Yeah. Bro, that's the best look ever, to be looking like that and step out of a Rolls. Yeah. Oh, they shaved. Wow, they're like cute. No, to the right, to the right. Great head of hair. Because it brings up a lot of theories.

29:19 Here to four, I will notify. Comorbidities and such. What would be more likely? Don't start it. What's Big Mike? The whole thing's wrong. Let's just Google who is is secretly transgender. When I see this and I see people saying that she's a man and all that, I'm like, oh, China got to you. Keep pushing him down. They must have them. The Oriental Sword?

31:47 Isn't that interesting because you're not supposed to say Oriental anymore. NAACP. Oh, my God. That's awesome. That's what ONA did a long time ago. Condoleezza Rice for Asians. Condoleezza fried rice? All right. You would have to really consider that kind of a... I mean, this is a 100% conspiracy theory that I just concocted. Yikes. Hillary Clinton funded a fake thing.

34:44 Obama was like, I've seen the proof. If she does, lift it up her skirt. Just like look Shut the fuck up How hard they are to find. is like he knew he knew oh yeah he knew he just didn't know he didn't want the So he just wore a skirt, like a regular. Romeo and Juliet. Yeah. Maybe he was killed in the squad I didn't know in a platoon can you keep a secret?

37:27 No none of them would She would get it though Huh I believe. I love etymology. No way. So this guy was genuinely that funny? Let's go right to Lululemon first. Civil War's got a ton of those. Tar Heels is North Carolina. Do we got anything? One said this story can't be true, but I'm looking at why they said it can't be true. Why do they call them hookers?

39:44 Dangerous man. Sporting his super described. Hooker, Dangerous Man. Dangerous Man. Wow. Not his choice. I've never heard of it. I hadn't got to it yet. L is not in their vocabulary. That says he denied ever saying those words. I don't know. He denied ever uttering the words. Or it's easy to remember. Those Jew candles are... I like it. It works. And then we jack off on them.

42:51 Yep, it's all comedy. It's probably still getting minerals from the ground. Yeah. The highest levels of information exchange. We would have a lot less enemies. Yeah. Just in line. No, I mean just like profitable, and that's why they do it. Yeah, it works. by these... You can't even be silent. We need your I do look like I know quite a lot See Portnoy getting something from Bob Craft?

46:07 And the guy's like, yeah. Like a little pin on your shirt. There's no way you could say that. Darth Gator. I didn't hear it either. You hear shit that I was looking at here, it's too loud. I'll go, hey, what do you see this fucking video from 9-11 that's hilarious? Buck McNeely. shooting hundreds of rounds. He's like, holding up grenades. just dudes looked like in 1940?

48:42 Yeah, you immediately see Oh, you're following me. What do you like? He's living his life, bro. Frank Stallone thing. That's like 1990s Jesse Ventura. I think so. He just votes one way. I vote for that side. Well, how about James They didn't have him in the Buzz Lightyear movie, but I don't know. I like that even on the Joe Rogan podcast, they still won't pay for the subscription.

51:17 Who? They say you can run for prison. Hold on a second. He's got a Bluetooth speaker. Yeah. So we're in New York City, and the fucking place goes shithouse. But still, you're in literally the liberal hub of the modern world. Hey, who's that guy with the beard? Yeah. Oh, my God. I went to post it. I didn't even think about that it would be- What are you kidding? Come on. Why would that be a scratch? No, I know. little drunk. Story trucks. I went to post it.

53:30 There it is. Also, look at the size of his hands. I know, but that was he has a small dick. But, Eight coon? Or is it K-U-N? Oh, 8-kun. All that QAnon shit, it all came from these people. Great documentary. Shane? Text, you know, Hillary senator, but she did the same thing the other way It's like the same rhetoric. So Giannis has texted, oh, sorry.

56:21 The one character he does? Over and over. Marcelo? Yeah. He's Jewish? Looking for a damn duffel? Go to Walmart, pig. Is that what he used to say a lot? because they all did the same stuff that everybody in the audience knew right when we got a cut what's Are you from Queens? Catchphrase. Well, Marcel is a funny comic. I assume it is. I don't know. Oh, my God.

1:00:28 this guy's on a fucking and click off Scarface. No, just people talking. and fucking your ass. to keep your chin from moving. You hear that, Leno? You have to grab the beard. What did he punch you for? He barely did, though. What audience? The group. Meet and greets. That's not bad. Yeah. I'm chatting. And you're like, yeah, I guess. Because obviously classes are canceled

1:03:42 And then all of a sudden a girl goes Scooter ever. Don't show the actual terrible thing. Two of them are- Yeah, it's pretty bad. Which is the college thing to do. How crazy is that footage though? Our records. And they ruined the airport. Your friends came off the plane. That dumb cunt. Yeah. What was that? Oh, yeah, there guy and the shoe guy. Underwear? Yeah.

1:06:12 Bro, if that one doesn't go as planned, you're dickless and sad. wants to beat you up. Oh my god. Yeah. Your dick's blowing up. Yeah, it went off. The underwear looks like an eagle. Imagine if they had to make you take your fucking underwear after that one. Yeah. oh, look at this chick. back in the early days? see if you can find that, Physician's hand tumor induced by first x-ray procedures.

1:09:15 Remember they would fucking put a big lead shield I mean, that happened to Hiroshima. dust. You only see a shadow of their body. Like a vampire before they disintegrate. Yeah. When you see where someone's body was where the blast went off and he's got turned to dust, you only see a shadow of their body. They all jumped and did something. I remember doing it when I was a kid.

1:10:16 I think that's like, well, if it's glow-in-the-dark, or cell phone Ari, your memories suck. I was like four. Were you guys in like full Jewish uniform doing that? It would drop you down. Even the Hasidic ones are funny. It's a legit question. You don't have to have a little baby one on the top? Hey, you heard it here first. How does a bald man wear a down right red one? That's a Krav Maga. That's a Krav Maga. How does a bald one? Yeah, there you go. Click on that. Yeah, that big one over there. What's the big one? How does a bald man wear a down right? The red one.

1:12:10 The big colorful keep up. Tell me about the benefits of your organization. Isn't that what there's like a term for it, like tzitzit. Okay. Now, what's the benefits of your organization? Oh, okay, that's it? Dambrit. Better not be the tip, dude. you're harassing your way you're gonna be late You get Saturdays off. Can we cut this out? Joe, there's machines that are on a level

1:14:31 flying around? And we got one on the top of the tree there Which is sacrilegious You spin it in taxes in California Like $600,000? You get the shmegma in there. Yeah. Who fucks a jock tax? Right. At least it's all super well managed. They're encouraging that. Yeah, it's like the story came and went. Children or Russian descent and like seventh grade in Switzerland shit like that in Switzerland but nothing like in Harvard what nothing in America get pushed around like you're fucking Russian and it's like yeah my

1:18:12 It starts out like they're invading, and then next thing you know, three, four, five, six. It was better when we didn't know anything. Yeah. Yeah. And then Indians wanted it. Shut the fuck up. Like my shoes After all these years? Because you can't relate yeah, well I just look at a fat version of a hair this tiny dick guy That's why I'll say it is true amazing troll

1:21:12 He was too fucking smart. And he's like, why are you doing this to us? Seems like they're just kind of violent Early 1800s Early 1800s? The a aughts we thought we could take them there Cleopatra movies where she's a black. you beat up Bruce Lee. It's like, guys, I'm having fun. he shot the pyramids. Yeah. bow their head to get in and see this. Build a set of mirrors

1:23:42 How weird is bending your knees Yeah, I get it, though. It doesn't bother me at all. Don't you want to see the dead guy? of a rise of a Hitler today. or somehow or another. death to the Jews. and now everybody calls him Dr. Adolph Sponge. I'll take Adolph Sponge all day. you can bring back Lennon he leaned forward to catch it Got your ass. It's pretty cool.

1:26:25 It also says he moved Napoleon's tomb back to Vienna. Would you ever see the video where they, there's a video where they move this immense temple That's what it was. Oh, well that's kind of nice. It's like tin cup. He was fired up. And they let him back in. 10 minutes. Yeah, how's this the big thing is weird. The whole thing is weird. dollars and the judge said it was worth 18

1:28:48 It's an immense property on one of the most expensive pieces of real estate in the world. Oh, that's right, yeah. Nice, bro. proved it. Those nudes are hot. Trans continental. Of like what people You can't not be He's a fat little weasel. He's a sloth. Oh, my God. That's your Jack. Duncan sent me a picture of her other countries do respond to this Jackie Kennedy

1:31:13 The conversation's over Yeah you can take her shoes off I mean, a billion dollars probably. And then he got super into the public eye. Oh, man. If we had an old president Andrew Jackson. I don't know what that means. He said UFC fights. It looks nice. And in history, when you go back in history. It's a tapeworm. Wow, that guy's high up. He's got to be. He's a vampire. He has to be. Wow, that guy's high up.

1:33:33 Join. Because she has to be. Yeah The one that's so hot No uh As president. She's like, I'm not asking. Oh yeah, he had his own steak company. We'll teach you more. Probably, if you follow this online course, you'll be a genius. Trump the game. or whatever. Copyrighted. Did he really? Fuck you. of everything. He was the man. I would love to see you do it

1:36:14 because Stavros was on my podcast. Stavros. Oh, maybe if you're, yeah. Am I saying it right? He's so fucking funny, man. Japan's studying it. and they filled her bladder up with blue dye. Oh, no. Bro, this is a great orgy. Ew. No, no. Hold on, guys. No, there was never a guy. Maybe, yeah. So one guy fucked two ladies in this study. Just make it be a squirt.

1:39:14 You got it. These are the new fucking things. He was like, I'm not joining this boycott. Yeah, reverse it, and then me and Kid Rock shotgun a beer and make a Japanese lady squirt Give me one of them Bud Lights, young Shafir. That is not a hospital. What the fuck is this? Some guy with guns. The most American thing I've ever seen. Good for them. I don't know what he's aiming at.

1:41:28 He's got a bunch of them. For no reason. We gotta holiday this thing up, Cash. What's he shooting at? What does it say? Alex Jones rants an indie folk song. Look at that over to the right, Jerry. Oh on. What does it say? I love remixes. murderous scum. They're the giant They're like, I go out and see these people. What's up, Jamie? Mark sneaks them in.

1:43:56 It says it's 75 degrees. Thanks for telling me, guys. Yeah. What if a hurricane has to happen? Where would you send it to? God passion has to be over a half a million people No, just this happened wild. If someone can control the weather, that's what I would do. Yeah. A car driving through the tornado This dude's just going Speed This guy's right. You're a tornado.

1:46:53 There's one. he's still like what he's like he hops in the car smiling and then he realizes everyone else Tornadoes are wild. Oh, wow. It'll get scooped up. You get hit by a house. Every time the lightning lights up, Bro, that's a demon. Oh, he was gay. I don't know. Could be a liar. Unlike the migrants. He gave him x-ray vision. Ooh, jeez. That's my number two.

1:50:42 You had to have one back then. Let's make Christmas something this year. Selling tickets. You need him to win, buddy. Last night, we were talking about the Daily Wire's Lady Ballers movie. I haven't seen it. We were watching The Green Room at the stand a little bit, but like two minutes of it here or there. That's just his normal height. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:52:44 And I didn't commit fully to it. I would have been six man. They agreed Ari. You're not a bad athlete juke claw? Yeah, that's right. It's like what are you teaching you're teaching Muay Thai you're teaching jiu-jitsu Isn't it a lot of, like, just keep throwing, I think everybody would say that. Punching people with your hands, it's so easy to break your hands.

1:54:35 even think of the adrenaline. You don't notice that hand. You fucking full-on panic if you're not used to adversity like that. know something. I think they still do. I think people are Lays him out. Did you see that rapper's security guard who fucks up this fan for no reason yeah? pro golfer, and Burt's just right there. He goes, So his PETA supporters were pulled off the Netflix cup after sharing an urgent message

1:56:42 Oh, we didn't see the video. Look at him. He took her down. I didn't even know. I don't know. They're calling the people out for the first tea. Right. But the people for the ethical treatment of animals is based on the Animal Liberation Organization initially. The Netflix golf thing? That dude, he ate a pound and a half or two pounds of gravel the other day.

1:58:52 I've got a lot of chicken feed, though. But it was scary, because I thought he was going to have to get surgery. Jamie, can you play that for me? Oh, my God. Sailing shots. It's a New York dog. I go to Ari's for the 4th of July. How bad does it get? Kids fine. Wear your safety. He's listening to Protector Parks. That's fun. I don't know if it's great for podcasting, but people versus waves.

2:01:29 And they don't think it's coming this way. These are wholesome. keeps getting swept out. We got you. We need your money. That's a fucking idiot. His hands were up in the air. and goes unconscious, you never find him. You got to hold him by his ankles now. Sweep the leg. He's drunk. Whoever the fuck is holding this camera. He's going. He's going back out.

2:04:11 This guy keeps getting pummeled. That was so tiring. The smart one. Drink it, dude. Yes. Oh, man. Okay. fucking... I won't do it. I know. It is gonna be funny. And you gotta face the... Joe. No. Pull it up. Oh, yeah. You gotta get a big hole. He's the man. Some weight. Look at this. Cheers. Shotgun gas chambers. Luke Holmes. I would like a rage. Now you've got to do another one?

2:08:40 Yeah. Jamie almost sucked Morgan Wallen's dick in front of everybody. A little dicks and organ. South Park musical. Wait till the back wait till see no seats taken I see. And she was like, I'm going to take the fucking elbow rest back. Now we've got a fucking battle. Yeah. I'm talking about. I was like, yeah, Kick somewhere so then I'm like I'm like hey, I'll take care of this like hey You're ruining the whole second half of this show like I didn't I I was being nice. I was like hey

2:11:51 Can I speak? Get one last word in, and then quiet. A couple minutes later, I started talking to Eget. I was crying laughing. Oh my God. He should be in that situation. Bro, that's a beaten man. You got to go, during, that's fine. More to love. It's not very- That's what the Vikings did. Do you guys want a shotgun and beer with us? That's how they make them. That's what the Vikings did.

2:14:16 Joe, I get what you're looking for. Next time we do this show, I'm going to bring an arrow. Just shove it in. Can I use the eagle? Mine, conf. Okay, Luke Combs style. Here we go. I love you guys too. I've got some in here too. The Eagles football team is still good. Capitalism This is fucking capitalism. This is fucking the Indians. The shotgun's a waste.

2:16:42 on his chin hair. By the way, that waste no part of the buffalo thing, that's not real. Don't move. It's crazy that he decides to do it in the pool. You can tell it's an indoor pool. Oh, yeah. I don't want to get too philosophical, but that's God, dude. That's still hilarious. He's having a good time. Who gives a fuck? Woo! Florida is the craziest place.

2:19:24 Like Tampa? Like in between orlando orlando in between yeah the move is to live in the everglades if you Least populated state. This is what you do. Have you guys watched this guy? We did. It does. What? That's pretty good. He goes around and grabs pythons. Everglades. Yeah, they're like deer. They eat everything. Africans. Animal. He was a good dog, but he had this overwhelming need to run shit.

2:22:47 He was a crazy dog. and get to the food. zebras and wildebeests Get out of here, motherfucker. They had a good mixture of survival and numbers. Watch this and they just dominate the Everglades, it's not like an alligator where it's okay to walk I can't help myself. They'll fight alligators. Yeah, they slap them you're just sitting there. They come up to

2:25:47 little alligator. Wow. There's some big ones. How much fear You look over and you're like, holy shit. It doesn't move towards me. Oh, those are great. Doesn't hurt. Yeah, they call you a punk. It's pretty great. Crows like to instigate cats, man. They're like, look at this shit. Crows are so fucking smart man fucking with these cats. Wow. There's no chance

2:28:57 Imagine he's just been doing this for weeks. Get him Crows are smart. I don't think we did this one.