Joe Rogan Experience #2087 — Ron White Transcript

Transcript

0:00 the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day She's adorable. Micro golden doodle. I still got to cram them on planes and shit when I want to travel. It's just incredible that they can get a dog down to that. That's the only... Oh, no. Oh, no. 22nd floor. I'm still living in the condo. and it is shaking in the wind. trying to keep

3:28 goes sideways i would imagine that would be a lot harder to get back on track i don't know jack shit I couldn't tell you what goes on up there. long yeah well you drive 500 miles and then you're then they go on overdrive so they make You know, my life, my friends' lives, you know. because you got like a little traveling apartment yeah it's spot it's the greatest you ought to get one in fact i was

6:11 Some guy just caught in front of me the other day. He was going into the left lane. I just don't think he saw me i think he just turned in my lane i think you know it was a left lane thing he was going into the left lane i just don't think he saw me i you know the the problem but it doesn't feel padded when you hit it. Ooh, that's crazy. mexico to macao in texas which i used to do all the time it was a joint project so the u.s built

8:36 It's just counting on all those people to keep their shit together all the time People get aggressive with each other on the road. Because you're already at, like, seven. I needed to find something, a pharmacy. where he was going and didn't want to be stopped by some big hairy drug addicted looking thing you They would call them, like, Mexican. so you know i don't know i don't know i'm just i mean according to a few tiktok videos i've seen

11:33 Lexa Pro. Go down there and patch it up. Very hot. He's got a big old fucking upper body and a gut hanging down there. Isn't that that thing from like the ancient times? it's like an ancient term for like some sort of a magical elixir am i saying that right yeah i mean They don't really, as like a thing that cures all. I bet you do feel better though overall.

14:28 Yeah, a lot of golfers use all kinds of meds to get loose. or deadnum or whatever, you know? And he's like the greatest You know, they'll go, oh, here, have another one, have another one. That guy's all over my TikTok feed now. They live stream videos of him playing people down in the Philippines. This guy changed the way people stroke the ball. Maybe that's what I'm so intrigued about because I don't know exactly what I'm seeing. But I was watching it on that, and you can see he does have a different motion into the ball.

17:19 You watch that guy, and you're like, oh, this is like a completely different kind of thing. And they brought him. And he won this giant tournament as Cesar Morales. everybody just just getting out in ways that people like oh my god like his You're like, wow. But if somebody came in, it was like ping pong. Yeah. club and beat it to death and it doesn't work at all.

20:25 But am I a player? There's so many things going on. So his misses are really good. You've always kind of looked at golf. you don't have to practice all that much. I knew quite a few comic buddies that I think lost a little inspiration in their career Yeah, we still do. Kill another day. it's all about love how much do you love how much care you loved you know yeah out of that nothing

23:54 so I have to have the path carved out in my head, especially on some transitions that guys do. standpoint than me you know he's he's had he was a ufc champion he's had a shit ton of fights he knows a lot about gonna take our lower middle class put them in a field with your lower middle class they're gonna And that's why I'm just real careful about what news I let in my head, you know.

27:07 Somewhere? Yeah, he did. And I'm not going to say her name. but but it's just the wrong information and so you can be easily manipulated by that kind of Because in important situations, like, if there's something real going on, true not true and they'll head off down that direction they don't come back you know they're Right. And you're like, wait, no one's going to anybody's getting busted for this.

30:19 And also people want to, you know, I know somebody that has no formal education, right? And I wish I could think of something to say, and I can't think of anything to say. so they're being real fucking loud about it. But if you've actually been around a while, people want to run the government how many people do you know how many i mean how many people that you know that are like really healthy clear thinking business-minded people that have been

32:19 They get them to a position. So what our thing comes to pass. I just don't. In the history, this government that we have, You don't want separation of church and state? shit and normal people with jobs and ron there were people that were willing to laugh at people's But no, I want stand-up comedy to be a place where we can laugh. Let's remember that.

35:50 And somebody put that in their head, you know. was saying a similar song about you know know, and with a good positive message. And he used to be the president of the Southern Baptist Convention. Uncle Charlie's gone nuts. he's one of my favorite people i'll talk to him all day long you know i just he's a treasure But that's just how honest he is. The feds would investigate you immediately.

39:01 But if you did. You've got to be hooked to a brand of some sort. But all you've really done is write science fiction novels. How does that work? the requirements jamie if Okay. And those pastors, those mega churches, they need to be looked at under the biggest, brightest light you can look at. That's Mattress Max right there. And I'll find a way to make food for you guys.

43:02 But Joel Osteen wouldn't even let him in the door because You have a private jet. It did eventually, correct. Can we bring the 11 million people that listen to your show under? Fuck you. They threatened thousands of lawsuits. other day and uh about the christians and the lions and uh let me break that down for your listeners And I really thought it was universal knowledge.

46:51 when Detroit comes to town, they're going to make the connections of Detroit, where the Christians and the lions Yeah. I was joking. That's how you... way more entertaining These people, this lion attacked this dude, and they're hitting it with a hose. Yeah, there's footage of it. No, I got it. So something happens. See, they're spraying him with a hose to try to get

49:41 that's what it's Ziegfeld and Ziegfried and Roy In front of a live audience. on her hat in the audience and that it threw him off and i'm like you really think that fucking Yeah. They lived at their house, right? But he's just too frail for it to do that to. It was a shame that he you know long time as a crippled person. and freak out and yell and the thing

52:22 Wait a minute, he was saying something about It says new allegations about the attack, which would have been like 15 years after the attack even happened. Don't you hunt boar? I just love it when they catch them all in them cages. Why are there any homeless hungry people if we got those wild boar all over the place? and how to hunt them down, how to fire a rifle, the whole deal.

54:12 Yeah, they're fucking up land. thing that this big biggest bullfrog I'd seen. And he's going to kill you and eat you and shit you into his toilet. Yeah. Yeah, maybe that's what frogs are doing. When I lived in Atlanta, you know what we did? in a can, and then we would take them. This is night music, Ron. Frogs, have you ever seen frogs in a cage with mice?

56:55 The yellow, where he's yellow. So they put these mice in this fucking... I think. Yeah, exactly. The one that I saw, he ate a bunch of them. Like, if the rat was eating the frog, I'd be more disturbed. Slow motion. With your balls hanging on the chin of a thing that's swallowing you. I'm trying to unsee it, and I can't do it. That's right. They're hypoallergenic.

59:58 Wow. And they're kind of different because you can take them out on a leash and stuff. Yeah, that's it right there. So a Bengal cat's just a cat, right? they're up to like you know 15 20 pounds i think look at the description the bengal cat is That's just a lion. It says serval, though, doesn't it? That's a big ass cat. It could be awesome. People getting eaten by tigers.

1:02:43 They're dying. Get an eyeball, nostril. Dogs will hold out until they have nothing left to eat, but a cat will remove your head in 24 hours. i think i explained it to him oh the coroner was telling him yeah yeah i think yes like what kind he's gonna eat you and i just never never imagined that they could do that much damage. I don't know. They'll fuck you up quick.

1:05:39 I'm not seeing this on NPR. Well, I do know for a fact that cats eat people. That was awesome. That was a lot of fun. And that doesn't excuse the bad ones. haven't been that really got everybody down and kept them down. Of course. So that was cool. That's right. It would be great if we Yeah, just the church of Ron White, just from scratch, it's going to be under a lot of scrutiny.

1:08:32 If you get 300,000 to move into a town that you've created in the middle of the desert. And then it gets soaring. This guy's got 31 Rolls Royces, by the way. You remember? This was the fucking dude. People are Yeah, he goes into this whole thing. Sheila was so ruthless. Not them. They brought in homeless people in buses By the retarded. Wow. But if you're the real deal, if you really are a super guru and you want 30 Rolls Royces,

1:12:41 Cheaper, right. 93. You can be, this is what I believe. I don't think you can. I think you can. like crazy super guru hook line and sink the Ron White It would have worked. I feel like it lined up in the exact correct order. damn this guy moves. but if you look at it, I was in a shitty fucking place, and I didn't know what to do. Really started to fall back in love with the art of doing stand-up and be able to do all those reps

1:17:11 And like I said, I feel like the universe opened up all the right doors at all the right time. The amount of fun you have in life. things that happens in green rooms what ron's talking about is like you'll be in a green room And there's people, I don't even know who they are, hanging around the green room. and the people from my office that I didn't even know,

1:19:09 And this wasn't designed to be a commercial for the mothership, but it sounds like one. one is that we all do travel and and we're all stuck in this thing. It was hard to get around. completely correct, we go through the back, And when you're on the road all the time, it's like you're in these places. when we were all supporting it at the same time and uh you know the crowds were you know it was

1:21:51 But there's always room. It makes it easy for you to do this tour you're doing. And that's what you should do. But you remember what it was like when we took all those months off for COVID, You sat back at the Vulcan. I think you didn't feel like you were killing because it didn't feel comfortable because you just haven't done it in so long. And if you don't, you don't.

1:24:17 Yeah, and then you'd be going, I'm so great. If you're smart. Is that a reps thing? these hands man and this this ability to turn his back to his target But, you know, he won two majors, which, you know, But his son's got a pocket full of money, Well, some of it's got to be. They beat Tiger and his kid. He's awesome. But he drinks Diet Cokes and chocolate milk.

1:27:29 And he's also, oddly enough, he's a neat freak. chocolate squirt bottle he makes it it up himself, you know. The controversial golfer is known among fans for his somewhat different style to today's fitness-obsessed stars. we're playing right you don't have time to get better you just got time to get loose get loose He is a living legend of athletic fucking superiority.

1:30:25 And go like that. John does. So he's got So he never has, I don't think he ever had a big surplus of money. Fuck yeah. And he plays golf. And they'll be banging on the door of my bus. We're going to the Teddy Bar. Come go to the... I know it's got good greens and we have fun time out there and they'll be banging on that doesn't automatically make you no fun.

1:32:56 but i think it was just taking a toll on his body and then when he quit it's like all of a sudden he Well, he had that show. was funny as i didn't you know i had never seen any of it and i just love to tell I didn't, you know. That's what I'm saying. It was our accelerator pad to our evolution, you know. It's just too revolutionary. I mean, you can buy the edibles that you can buy or THC edibles.

1:36:46 He was very upset. I've never tried. because I've used those ones Oh, this is significantly stronger. Let me get ready. Let me grab one. Oh, that's probably pretty good then. You need to. Let me. That's what I'm talking about. I'm going to do one on the other side. He only got it in one side. Well, this guy who created this is like this crazy power lifter dude.

1:39:42 All right. Look at the body on that son of a bitch. And that's preposterous. No bullshit. We would get you to a Russian scientist and they'd hook you up with the latest fucking greatest top shelf. Brian, who also did The Dissident, which is another amazing documentary. So when they cheated in the Olympics, they used piss that was like fake And this guy tells him everything.

1:42:32 got very lucky and caught happened was they used these jars that were supposed to be impregnable right so there's so there's We don't need that. Well, I'm the one that asked the question. So you're active. Have you ever done stem cells? help you tremendously that I use for my shoulders. I have no affiliation with this company. It's You're not, like, lifting heavy weight or anything like this.

1:46:15 of a catastrophic situation. For the most part, people get injured because their shoulders just people were jumping off and I was really drunk and, uh, and I didn't really jump off. I kind of Oh, no. you're not even doing it like that hard. that's gonna crack you into shape i used to have my yoga instructor would come over to my house every day or five days a week.

1:48:40 But my girlfriend was like, eh. That's them yoga freaks. they changed the name after he got busted a bunch of times. for one drop of my sperm you ever see him say that yeah you ever see him say that a million I mean, I think it's just like any other cult, even though it does provide the benefit of the yoga. This was Kai. You've got to get some electrolytes in your system.

1:51:39 VUCA also follows a sequence of 26 postures. He came up with this sequence? They meet in the woods. Let's just explain this place. Pink Floyd music. Yeah. They deserve everything they're getting. which is but yeah you can question it all you want to. it's hard to follow the fucking where i'm red like a grape and i can't breathe because i haven't i haven't taken in a breath

1:55:26 about the news and start ragging on each other. Right. None. None at all. None at all. When Tony, you son of a bitch and sing to open up the show It's the cornerstone Right. And also, it encourages the spread of other rooms around town. I used to go to hotels that had a restaurant in them, food that's a solid scam yeah yeah when i lived in boston we were real lucky there were so many

1:58:39 Well, you know what I did, which was pretty smart, and I never accused myself of being smart very often but them once a month as the opening act so i I worked every goddamn night, nine shows a week. He makes it look like the right kind of package. don't know. You don't know. And you guys explained to me. And I was shot down. It'd be fun to watch him bomb.

2:00:49 Well, that's a great way to start. And especially if you know it's a million fucking people. reason never decided to stand up. to make money while I was doing martial arts. And he was absolutely the funniest dude I had ever met in my life. this guy was a character I don't know what it is you know when You know, if you have an ACL injury, it has to be diagnosed.

2:03:19 John got a job working at this pool hall. And he and I would just go there and just knock balls Okay. go to jersey to play i go to west end billiards and watch the killers play wow west end billiards and watch the Killers play. Wow. West End Billiards was this place in a real Mike Siegel played there. Yeah. And they realize. is just magical. Magical. He played in the U.S. Open and won 11 games in a row on a four inch pocketed table if you if you knew how crazy that is

2:06:28 or he had a safety, he made a safety and the guy had a kick the pandemic so for for a couple of years they couldn't play internationally right so they kind They're too good. Who won the most U.S. Opens? Shane Van Boning or Strickland? and you might never get a chance. He's evil on the table. He's the pinball wizard. Where does he go to hang out and play pool?

2:09:16 Because he's just obsessed. It's just an obsession that they could have been doing that with anything else could have been disc golf Yeah, he's a monster. Yeah, nobody ever young you know yeah you'd have to have a springboard right yeah i mean that's what he was right and Like fear of spiders. It just doesn't bother me, I guess. People are getting cocky right now.

2:12:12 to be able to get the grizzly bear? Don't fight back. Imagine the kind of VD you get from a grizzly bear. I forget who it was. And took it back with them? come from sex so weird so weird that nature is so concerned that we're going to overpopulate Oh, shit. Syphilis, I guess? They are. Back in the day, if you got a staph infection, that was a wrap.

2:15:03 in this tribe it's horrible that the younger, when they realize the older women aren't keeping up anymore, So they have a fear of the young males. I don't remember who. They might have talked about it. I just didn't. I think it's on iMovie right now. Like $3.99? I don't have that kind of money. Do they refund your money? I mean, things I bought, you know, are just gone on iTunes.

2:17:17 I could send you the article, but it was one of those ones where I read it and I was like, I read like one paragraph into it. went I thought I was buying that stuff that's what I meant but I don't what Let me see if I can go on. This expands the restrictions to Google's publisher network as well. Insensitive to who? The thing is, whatever they're trying to say, whatever they're trying to do to make the online world a nicer place, you've got to be really careful with saying things like that.

2:20:18 Insensitive piece of content that can now be censored by a new policy is that what it is or is they just gonna? to censor you. So if you do the Ron I don't know if it has to do with the content. Which one? up to get you to click on something that's going to pop up on content that might be about that until people work it out And if you're going to do that on YouTube, then you have to worry about you're losing your ability to make a living now it's like oh

2:23:15 No, I believe that, you know. Okay ads, so it's just about ads as at least for now You can't lie. As long as they're not doing that with the actual content of the They do it to other people. Right. for somebody that's going You know, and if I don't think it's offensive, then that's it. he was talking about white frailty or white anxiety that it's a public health crisis that

2:26:09 and they want things to change. They want the rule of You're stupid. And so I think that's why it happens. I will make your life better. you shouldn't even have an opinion that doesn't bother me at all it does he's dressed like ed i No. Come on. He's probably a casual guy. It's so stupid to lump them all into white people, first of all, because there's a lot of people that are Republican that aren't white.

2:29:12 And it's also a silly thing to say that the people that oppose you politically are just wrong, so wrong, that they're looking for a drug to rescue them. Because there's so much more. Most people's opinions politically are a conglomeration of a group of people's opinions they've adopted, whether it's right-wing people, extreme right-wing. in order to try to win,

2:31:06 It's not a smart way to communicate because most people are in the middle on everything. That's the most important shit. of people from this part of the world and a certain percentage of people from that. because if they step in they're not going to do it for what's in your best interest they're going Oh, yeah. It'll fix every problem we've ever had.

2:34:08 or is it just Portland? decriminalized possession of small amounts of heroin, cocaine, It's got to be legal and free that's that's the only You go, I'm not, I know. Get it all sorted out. We haven't Comedic Tom Cruise. I can hang in there for you. You know, those guys just crank me up. thing best i watch it all the time you when you have a cartoon it doesn't even look remotely real

2:37:07 And I don't know why. I wonder why mine's... on my Samsung TV as soon as I turn it on. Do you jerk off while you're watching Fear Factor? Gordon Ramsay, if I didn't know any better, I think he's the meanest guy on earth. But he's not like that in real life. I think, you know, I think that's the word on the street. Yeah. was just to think of it as just good food that you know that was a guy just i always thought

2:39:32 Maynard from Tool texted me. He's a legitimate black belt. Oh, wow. So, Ron White, that's your next move jujitsu jujitsu or two you ron white jujitsu i want a band you want a band do you no i don't And I got to tell you, I killed it. Nice. In fact, I think it's the same place that Olsteen preaches at now. Coliseum. It's like 16,000. No, this was another step.

2:42:30 guilty for it, and by God, I'm white, and I don't, you know, not that they're all white, No, no, no, no, no, no. What are you doing? Didn't he give people orgasms by touching their temples and shit? He gave them orgasms. And then he changed it again when he moved to Texas. They're just fucking everybody's wives. to the point where they kill themselves i thought that was the case i think some of the people were

2:45:36 he moves to Austin and then has his followers build him that theater He's beautiful, too. You gotta let age come, man. He was doing everything above ground It's a church of his art. psychedelic dmt type things like that like this is his work show his building jamie because the Right. I would be speaking out of turn if I said what they worship. Yeah.

2:48:19 She's been on here as well. I believe him. Yeah, the gray haired guy with the ponytail. I think it's a legitimate church. So from 2008, I guess, they established it as an actual church. I'm on their vision page. It's a place of contemplation and worship for community honoring the practice of art as a spiritual path. New York, somewhere in New York.

2:50:22 I got a bus. You know, you find, I mean, just making people laugh is a good thing to do. To be somebody that wasn't a comedian watching a comedy show and how hard you can laugh, you know, at that experience. He was making $25,000 for the week. i was at the paradise which was a comedy club in uh it was like a it was a big place that was Couldn't believe how smooth he was.

2:52:46 Yeah. That's the purpose it serves. There was nobody better than him, I don't think, at his peak. He could take any premise. Eastside Comedy Club in Long Island. that's crazy crazy I should. You watch something like that, He definitely would raise the bar. It was hilarious. I remember the one thing he did. Yeah. But, you know, you kind of have a realm of comedy of what you can see.

2:56:40 Well, you guys opened the door for a lot of new guys that came after you, though. And then Dom Herrera would fly in for a weekend. Yeah, but that's always how it is. I didn't belong on that list. And it was always a fun place to work. And I always loved being down here. Right. that to me that day i mean i was gonna do it anyway for sure but that was an extra fucking

2:59:55 makes it more fun when it does open because people like he's never gonna do it like okay I know it's my place, but shut the fuck up. The people that put it together did an amazing job. opportunity does not exist well it's not i would never do it if i was going to do it for money i If we don't have the comedians, But, like, that should be that way regardless.

3:02:18 lose money speak even you know i'm uh i'm a on a board you know it's great that's how it should be and it's it and if funnest thing ever. I'm very happy you're a part of it, the 10 o'clock show. All right, man.