Joe Rogan Experience #210 — Joey Diaz Transcript

Transcript

0:00 the Joe Rogan experience I'm going to do that for the rest of my life. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Especially Friday night. Before you do anything in life, you talk a lot of shit. then you're there, and you look in, that's what it At that point, I knew it was all fucking uphill because the energy was alive, bro. a little kid that's what it's all about so I had a great time in Atlanta

2:52 I sat there one morning fucking making believe You all right, though? No, for Romanowski. Yeah. You know, you just tackle. Oh, by a person violence. listen, bro, those concussions, smell this nug. Those brothers will keep it moderate. Really? It was either Red Fox or Richard. He just lost a lot of weight. fame at first. You need your own Google search engines.

6:03 shit on al sharpton as far as i can tell, Al Sharpton isn't hurting anybody. is out there, these bulldogs of anti-black racism, I mean, I think they're necessary. We talked about him yesterday. There's only so much room On the goddamn hard drive They need to figure that out You know Or he's just like, holy shit, he figured it out. Nice. It's no big deal.

8:33 Well, thank you. What do I need to do? Just go away. That's what it is. Suck it. shit memory, but I believe it was Conway and Steckler, who are really great guys who had a It was like people really couldn't understand him. Jay Moore just attacked you out of nowhere on Twitter. Why even respond to that? I don't think Jay's a bad guy. But people are crazy.

11:31 I mean, Wasn't, wasn't he on? He's, and it's imperfect. Wasn't he on... What else? No judgment. Well, Jay Moore, if you are listening to this right now, Tell him if he's listening right now, that yeah ask him so ask tom about that i have no problems with you jay so i don't know why you're That's hilarious. it depends on every the belts different ranking systems but in jujitsu yellow and green are just

14:24 Red. Now they added the two extra belts to milk you to your fucking 90s. those cocksuckers. You have to pay them so you're a black belt up front. to his gunjutsu and shit like yeah well gai jitsu is it yeah everybody's adding a color belt you Those Koreans ain't fucking around no more. and the fucking koreans like suck my dick where's my check you know i'm saying i didn't fly here to

16:40 There was a big deal at our Taekwondo school when a Korean master would come by. with like asian men like these asian men these asian men were like super respected as being like He still gets a check. Oh, no, yeah. Yeah, he looks good. LaRonjo and how I went to his father. I go deep. And that was it. What was the biggest article there? You want me to you i had

20:40 really intense sort of posture and he you know he a, like a jean jacket on and he was and looking really intense. I saw people behave and whether or not that makes sense. Yeah. to be there from the bad neighborhoods, and they were usually I mean, we talked about that one place in Connecticut that had done that raid on the kids' classes They should have said, sit down.

23:07 this is the, There was no one like go into schools and shoot anybody up until Columbine. I don't remember. I never had problems like that because whenever a plane would go by, So these motherfuckers were just looking to quit so they were just sitting it back, but in reality they were just gangsters You just had to sign in yourself, 16. They moved on.

25:14 nobody bumping into me. Remember that? What do you do? What do they do? If I was a parent, I would be scared if I was a parent. Your kids are going to get dragged into it. Learning relationships. Nice family. You could make ramps. all the kids got to get out of the house. That was the big thing. I'll give you a fucking dollar for every kid you see.

27:43 You've got to monitor them like a hawk. exactly how it was when I was a kid. You know, kids are more educated. and bring it home and do a third paper. We didn't have that shit. you go in front of the house yeah oh santo dio they call you where are you stay right there yeah Mrs. Rogan, your mom was friends with Mr. Mary Magicaccia Yeah, tell him when you get over to Joe's, have his mother call my house.

29:59 But the social aspect of it, we're going to Anything can fucking happen. monty on 42nd street he was in 20s the return of the phone i swash up we turned it on to Piggybacking. That also looks like it could be cheese, He fucked up for sure. I speculate way too much on this goddamn show. experiment is to let people know about you had to cut the weed with a scissor and put it in a little fucking thing, and you

33:29 And you take this fucking tube, people people and you put it in here this is like you're putting together a silence okay and you go like this jesus christ look at Doesn't smell like anything. So I said, let me fuck with this doctor. So I I'm smoking a heavy duty boy. The last two I've smoked have lasted me a week. Did you see what Obama said recently? What did he say? Uncle Joey smoking from the stems and the seeds did you see what obama said uh recently

35:46 16 different states now, right? God damn it. That dude's a bombshell. For your moms. There's a few guys over there at Bellator that are really good. That was nutty. Saturday night. What a great with the Q-tip in his nose, Thank you very much for taking this. Anderson Silva? But Anderson and him, there's a bunch of issues. fought James Irvin at 205, knocked both

39:32 like he's really a much smaller guy if they were really the same size when he's when he's fighting when Travis was going overseas, and he was and he was competing in Abu Dhabi, Even though Chael Sonnen was on top of him for four rounds beating him up, he never got fucked up. him, almost like disrespectfully, almost like disdainfully, you know, the way he

41:54 That's two types of jiu-jitsu He didn't get cut. And he hit Anderson in the tie-up with like four or five clean punches. Just so he could make weight without actually being... all right first of all silly this is this a real question of course it's not a real well no no i So why don't they do that? because you're posing this as if it's a real question.

44:04 Mercury? It would take you a year to get used to the new dynamics of your body. Herb Mazzagati? Remember, there was two with the same name. They used to put it. Bro, everything's fucking possible. It was Aaron. I do not know how the man died. I got to see him fight live a bunch of times, especially back then. Wild Rose Sports. how long it takes you to figure

47:20 Who's impressed with you catching a bullet It's just how you position your body or neck just makes a completely straight tunnel all the way down. He went back to do what his grandfather died doing. Go hit the fucking YouTube. you really fucking learn. The Wallenders are They show 1973, San Juan, Puerto Rico, they met in the middle, and then they crossed each

49:23 That is insane. The mother and the fucking son. They met in the middle. They're like the Wu-Tang Clan. That is insane. and he went the other fucking way They would be the baddest motherfuckers of all time. Your whole life. All right, listen. Tell me. And the title is Where I Got My Balls. All over. That's all the flavor going through your body. You're not the Black Hornet or whatever.

52:02 She wanted to lick my nuts. Would go there once Not my spot to hang out You can't go back. There's always a problem. bad. And this is also going to get a lot open forever. It's a great club. That means in But after that's over, it's over. We did a lot of time there. history of stand-up they have brick walls where comedians sign it. It was my favorite thing I ever read on a green room.

55:03 And there's a thousand of them out there that are trying to be Hicks. I was there the night that you were there, that Holtzman referred the kid. Yeah, well, that's always going to be the case for people like that. did that. Kinison made you laugh, And a bunch of people started being like he is that's kind of that was it was so different than seeing you know like fucking steve martin with a fucking banjo on the stage which is what i thought comedy was well right after my first

58:00 that I could bring on stage. I've done all that stuff too. and you're going to agree with me, we forget about this, Seinfeld. Nobody can reach you in the shower. Look at the two lineups. come to me, what do I watch? You know, what do you want for dinner? That means I play in places like, what is it? fucking Vincent Van Gogh cut his ear off to send to a woman. That makes like a dozen roses seem like a booger.

1:00:57 on Hollywood Boulevard and dead animals, that whole bit, And he went up there and he took that energy and he just weaved it right in front of you. Remember that? My wife, she won't bust my balls. He does that. Because at that time, Dice was selling out Rascals, Grandpas. I was a part of the Boston word-of-mouth. And he made them stars. kills it. Bob Nelson on that?

1:04:11 So he came to Boston, and just by luck, I was going on stage that night. about brian holtzman i fear i fear a world that doesn't that never saw the brilliance of that guy Or Brody Stevens, yeah. else, and, you know, you got to learn to appreciate it, but when I get out of Brody, it's all positive, He's just an amazing guy. You had to bang it out. The Boston Red Sox were everything.

1:07:01 The rumor was that they were on heroin. for a fucking Aerosmith. There was no Twitter. You call home and you put on rocks. We hate each other It's they chop the heroin guitar. pretty sure it was Aerosmith. a time, Walk This Way, That's when he left. Security almost fucking killed me. Aerosmith sold a bunch of albums, but they only sold albums up to Loving an Elevator and all that shit.

1:10:17 It starts studio, but it ends live. God damn. Yeah. He's a magic man. You've been like fucking a Cub Scout who just banged you straight men loves to do that too Oh, I love you out. Just leave a devastating impression like, you know The more things you do that make other people feel good, You got to rock it. Did Anderson Silva say that? You don't know what the fuck he's saying.

1:12:35 I wanted to go to Vegas. I had a great time Took him down, always on top, grounding a pound and dropping punches down. questions of those q and a's off the cuff i still. I still don't see his plane ticket for Brazil, That's dangerous. To prove a point. comedians like we've got you know can Canada's got some really good comics you fighter was from whatever country. In Brazil,

1:15:10 I said, what are they saying? God damn it. be here and this and that. And they're chanting out something. So it sounds like, Cigano, Cigano. like they were just mad that he beat a brazilian they are so passionate and nationalistic that if I've ever been in my life on Twitter, I was like, Jesus Christ, is that a possibility that can you imagine if they have four reactors that melt down and turn that whole place in just a radioactive sewer too people are saying when that

1:18:13 That's the question I don't know. Yes, potassium iodine. but I mean, there's a lot of environmental factors Yeah. They had not figured that out yet. Just the idea that You can accumulate a certain amount of these fucking disasters. in nevada and that's one of the reasons why you get gambling in nevada is that they did a lot of They know where the radiation, you know,

1:21:04 I don't know how else they're going to no other solution. I don't know how else likely to fail? We'd just launch it today and cross our fingers that the power doesn't go off for 20 years. So we have all this radioactive shit. where they found the teeth of those dinosaurs. I don't give a fucking heads to my party. And they said that shit was leaking for years.

1:23:16 That's it. jeep by himself. A little Hawaii area. NORAD's in Colorado? North American Aerospace Defense Command. because they're going to try to destroy NORAD. NORAD is one of the first fucking places. and number three for crime at the same time. It's a GI town, and it's also a really religious town. In military towns, I gotta be honest with you. You're in God's motherfucking country.

1:26:17 like that feeling of awe and inspiration, Fucking beautiful. Not Ribbiton, nothing like that. I can't find it oh it's beautiful there was a spot just for a goof and my room not my roommate the guy that. I like to see it. I went to Jackson's Hole, Wyoming, and my roommate, not my roommate, He was the manager of Sport Kalin. but I wasn't fucking good at all.

1:28:33 I couldn't do it. Oh, fuck yeah. Nothing's going to happen to you. Oh, my God. When you look back and that shit's chasing you. yeah snowboarding it's easier it's great it really is great i don't think so no when you went this and these little fucking four-year-olds go by you doing nice things. I've got lower gravity. Like a fucking Momo, you know, like trying to practice.

1:30:56 No, no, no. He did it when he was younger. It's when you get old to that, Skiing is amazing. You see all this. You're in the forest. and I'd be balanced. And all of a sudden Why? I'm embarrassed to say it. How many times have you fallen? Where you guys from Texas? Oh in. Where you guys from? Texas? Most people go. It's like surfers. He's really weird with the jacuzzis.

1:33:52 I'm not into jacuzzis or nothing, but I like the skiing part. I had a three-mountain slope. So people jump off and land, that type of shit. and an avalanche is chasing them oh please bitch, right? So I was up I'm going to rob these motherfuckers. the cops can't get up to there to me i get up there i cut the wire i break the glass I'm sitting there, and within an hour, I get a knock on the door, and I open the door, and it's

1:37:01 I'm like, no, I've been home all night watching TV. and he goes well it's funny before the cops came knocking for me. Cutting the wire. No, because I told them I went out to the car. These silent nights. That song And they just get There's a lot of that I never thought about it. Especially in Ohio, you usually can't leave the house and all that shit I get the press because you don't her birthday family

1:39:35 You're fucking sitting lean. That motherfucker will rock Not to the extent that like I'm gonna kill myself the video. I never met these people, Doug. How would you And they watch YouTube on Cuba, so they wanted to meet me. And Rita goes, I know who Joey Diaz is. And his sister is black. And I never knew it until I'm sitting with my cousins. They sing Leonard Skinner's Saturday Night Special. Don't know what those words mean they told me they go let's sing they sing limits get inside special don't know what that means don't know what

1:42:20 Told me how they opened up for audio slave and when they sang fucking Yes, nobody knows Yes round the bow. To them, there was everything. I think it might've been Doug Benson They're badass. And there's a reason why they just exploded with it. The pH. Que no es cierto lo soñado It's living in his past, motherfucker They're on iTunes, I think. He did?

1:45:55 Jimi Hendrix, you know, Jimi Hendrix, because I had a conversation about whether or not jimmy hendrix did heroin you know when everybody always said it was acid or was heroin you know what what was it and i've uh, that's fucked up like that. and he put Imagine Out. Right, and she's another badass musician in your family. Diaz is the rich from Camo Way, Cuba.

1:48:43 If you went back to Cuba and got in the middle of the house So they just got back to Cuba, and I just emailed them yesterday, He's got a house. I had no fucking idea. and came to the states i didn't get social security alias like red band That's really funny. it have it around so it's not some sacred thing went to some party we're all listening to bad company drinking jack tangles we're like 14

1:52:00 Do you ever do that? He's a prodigy. And then you open You don't want me at your house at 9 o'clock at night. That's when you're tweeting all the best music. Yeah, I'll try. I got bongs. I won't smoke till two or three. You get so frustrated in traffic. Let's do it. so I'm gonna have to deal One of her complaints about California. Yeah, but where you moved Mrs. Rogan before, you took her out of the loop.

1:55:31 I would have some crazy ass military style Humvee that could just get through any kind of snow so I could get home no matter what. as long as you know that going in About people that are getting ready for the apocalypse. Have you really? I know people that are doing that, man. An underground like several layers and 90% of us are dead, Now I'm walking around like fucking I Am Legend,

1:57:10 What were you saying? would listen to that i go wow what a cool lyric we are stardust and then as i got older i actually and you hear... that we get fucking nutty like we're doing with this Japanese thing And then those elements have to combine. Stardust. You need stardust to explode in all that. of education so abstract well you don't need to you could put two and two together and have your own

2:00:27 the fucking stars and made it with a chicken and Nobody's right and nobody's fucking wrong. It wrong nobody's right nobody's fucking it's What are we doing? keeping it moving in the same direction. I got to feel like that's a natural thing. I got to feel why we're so conflicted and weird is because and looking at the problems that we have. shit that's not even ours do you think you could ever live you probably couldn't but maybe in your

2:03:07 One guy figured out a way to have this little tiny cooking area, like I'm James Bond like some fucking Puerto Rican that gets a check on the Fuck that shit. Micro houses in the fucking desert. under my stairs like a man. Brian's down. Joey's not. I think we have a real of those, the Airstream ones. Brian's down, Joey's not. Because everything's great in a small space until somebody blows a fucking fart.

2:05:15 I'm never home, though. Am I the science guy today? No, I get good candles, the air wick ones, and I light two of them. It's a toilet and three feet of fucking area. fucking little Chinaman driving you around? need that people don't talk about. If you were an MMA fighter, that would be a great night of conditioning. somebody would pick you up on a motor scooter.

2:07:23 It's amazing. Having shit that... You know what happened? Out of my fucking tits. Don't be shitting in my toilet. I'm one of those guys. Don't shit in my toilet. Don't piss. I eight fucking minutes. That's my world. You need to get a Japanese cleaner. I don't like, don't be shitting in my toilet. Why? Some dude took a shit in James Brown's bathroom.

2:08:56 That's terrible. I have I hate it, too. That's it. I need to fucking move. I'm moving. You understand me? I'm embarrassed, dog. I do it on purpose. I don't want my balls rubbing up against some of the other guy's balls and then your wife and you look at it and you're like, I could take it up the ass if I had to. things in their ass. I could make a living on YouTube.

2:11:22 Once that piece of shit breaks in half, it's like one of those fucking things that when you wave when the cops come like a flare. If you can get over the fact that a guy's fucking in your ass, you probably love it. Some new scientific find. What the fuck? Your helmet should smell a little like tuna. Smell this right now. up on twitter i mean it was like for hours and hours it was just i get my fart smell like in a

2:13:58 Tiny. You don't know how many times I'll fart like at 2 in the morning and I'll move and I'll smell it and I'll giggle by myself. That's fifth grade shit too many fucking responsibilities. you supposed to dress what do you give a fuck how a person dresses i mean unless someone is like It's not like I'm wearing skinny leather pants. You smoking weed every day?

2:15:40 I got a parade in my head. Look, I was about to tell you something before. on stage and he goes, how you doing? I'm from a I think like that. Yeah, we were just being silly. Charlie Hill. Charlie Hill. You know what I'm saying? originally from onada new york we had to leave because we had a small real estate problem there There's some discrepancy. Brooklyn is the number four largest city in the country.

2:18:31 you have the Bronx, Brooklyn. Long Island. Not to mention across a bridge, you got New Jersey. An hour drive. Back and forth. But still, you've got to be able to afford a car service. Right. You have one car. If you're a young guy and you're living in New York, If he wants to go someplace, I just get a rental. means you're paying gas is $4 You know,

2:21:14 because it knocks off $25,000 off the price, That's great. I mean a minimalist house to enter a stream trailer. How lazy are we? I mean, all right, but look at this way and we're not used to interacting with each other like we are in New York. and there's a dude with a fucking $5,000 suit nobody's riding anywhere with no homeless people. problems with the the the way people act in la the one of the the number one problems the way people

2:24:11 something would tape like if you said bomb or eight ball right on it would be i guarantee now and all that shit, that's great. I couldn't I couldn't get no coke. so all the phone systems in new york were fucked up in those days it was pages it was 94 right I'll have the second best, thank you. in the daytime, and they'll tell you. to your asshole, that's how it tends to look. You go to fucking

2:26:23 Marv's in the Valley is very good, too. Langer's is on Alvarado and across from that park, whatever park, Merck Park or whatever. and I know the motherfuckers that go in there. This guy don't know. He eats fucking... Get a pavilion. Listen, the good thing about New York, I know there, but it's for tourists, bro. I'm telling you this is your brother.

2:28:02 That's one of the best steak places in the country. Olive Garden. to the one and only Greasy Tony's. Yeah, that's some ridiculous shit. He died. But now the first thing when people come from Tennessee is they want to go to Katz's. Think about it. You also have a deep depletion for taking this shit. I know that you don't get too much into that crazy shit, but it's easy to drink.

2:29:54 Quinoa is great. and smooth i don't i don't have no residue on my dog my i might i eat like nine apples He goes, have you ever seen your dog take a shit? asshole most of it comes out in the first barrage and then maybe there's a couple little plop plop It comes out of your fucking belly button. what the weed was did you have? for the first hour we were talking. Like I was talking and I was cognizant of what me man. I I was on delay for the first hour

2:32:28 Edibles get tested there. 31. But now they had a new company that's doing this for the Valley. seems that obama's trying to do is uh they're trying to cut off the big scale operations they're They ain't shut nothing. They ain't shut. He ain't doing shit. it at 30%? no, let those fucking hippies out there grow weed. And the reason why they're closing is because they're out there basically peddling the weed

2:35:02 You know what happens is Oaksterdam got a bunch of white kids that got big fucking mouths. Shut your fucking mouth. That's part of the problem. You know what happens is, Oaks of Dam got a bunch of white kids that got big fucking mouths. This is weed. It's not doing anything. Yeah. Okay? If it wasn't for college kids, we wouldn't have those drugs still.

2:36:44 We have laws. And we have to put drug dealers, we have laws and we have to 2007 before I quit doing blow I mean, it was still bad. But Joe, I'm cured. No, I didn't say anything. his, and he's going to trial right now. They're Yes. So I think Yeah, it's so archaic. No one should ever get fined for it. No one should ever get pulled over for it. No one should ever get arrested for it. No one should ever get fined for it.

2:39:21 And what you where the kid was arrested by his girlfriend. A good attorney would overturn that. But it's still the fact Let me tell you something. A 15-year-old kid with a boner you think should be able to tell a 25-year-old hot chick? and that police department ladies and gentlemen, hours of free entertainment the Ice House Friday So somebody found out on Friday.

2:41:38 It'll be on your Twitter, right? Me and Brian are going to Columbus. It's next fucking Thursday, Friday night, 4, whatever, 5, 4. What street's it on? West 34th Street. Damn! having it just done. The only thing that's in front of us is a podcast. You dropped in the states Part of my stories You were number one for weeks a chance and you're an underdog and you believed

2:44:06 What you did for us, me, Ari, Duncan, Brian, I'm telling you. I don't tweet nothing unless it's fucking gold. Not even to be a better comic. This is teaching me to be I didn't put myself there, Joe. You're the life of the party, man. I've never given a fuck. you motherfuckers brought it out of me. I me better to be around all you guys. It makes know us how about fucking wisconsin yeah everywhere we went to milwaukee louisville i went to chicago

2:47:11 Yeah And I remember looking back there This is a crazy number Of fucking human beings Joe Rog rogan i went on i went on i did these mad flavor where I came from, whether they like it or not. what are we going to do on a network? What don't they give us at shows? Well, DJing gigs like fucking easy. is because you're that we have an audience UFC, and I'm lucky, most of all,

2:50:00 You know, we're all in this together It was literally the perfect experience. Monday we got Ari Shafir. from Finding Bigfoot. I hope he's right. Oh, Friday, Ice House Chronicles. Who else is on it? Max is going to be there. We're going to get Dice up in that. He's a badass drummer. There's one there. The drugs got nothing to do with us. Stay black.

2:53:00 Bye. It's pretty crazy how awesome the graphics now Is it a gyroscope? like, we have, like, 1 in 75 people that clicks, buys a flesh layer. It's a really solid product, man. Oh, good night, everybody. ShroomTechSport, Bye.