Joe Rogan Experience #2108 — Tom Green Transcript

Transcript

0:00 The Joe Rogan Experience. Great to be here, man. We'd start with that then. So I was, I still have the van, but at the time I was, Yeah, right. And I'm just like, oh shit, what happened on the show? Don't know what you said. But I'm not... It was fun! Well, I rarely did that in the van. stop and sleep between... I was hoping for that but... Oh wow.

3:27 When you realize what those jets can do. I think they have even more capable jets now. And I stayed conscious, but then I blacked out when I forgot to do the hooking on a lesser run. Huch, huch, huch, huch. Yeah. going to six G's is so extraordinary you haven't felt anything like it in your Yeah, yeah, for sure, yeah, after. It's so fast. There's so much

6:36 that was pretty pretty wild experience it was it was right before, like it was probably fortunately for my nervous system right after bad over there. I heard recently. Yeah, it's fun. You know, I watch your show all the time, Joe, so it's like, I know, I'm I've always loved you. All you have to do is figure out how to make money with this. No, it's, you know, I remember when we were doing it, I had, you know, I always wanted

9:18 to talk. I'd buy a sampler and a Kias 900 sampler and a tari computer and I'm making beats in Yeah, this was high school. You'd read stories about skateboarders in California Well, I was doing Stand Up. I was doing Stand Up, but I never really got to really a level about the 80s, the 90s, before the internet, right? You'd go down to a comedy club and you'd find out about stuff just through word of

12:42 this sort of, you know, you know, You're coming back and you made him come back and the rest is history. Just totally random. We sat next to each other and play like whoa. This is crazy I don't know. All of it, all of it. Am I fucking hands or sweating? So I just go, I'm not going to be good at this. That's a great reason to not gamble. Not a math person either.

15:58 So I'm so removed. like we don't have to learn any of that anymore. He could call your grandmother. I'm like, wow. they're going to meet you and then they don't show up and you want to figure out where they are was yeah there's no snap map or kids today they look at each other on snapchat Go out drinking and skateboarding all night. No one's ever going to decide this has gone too far.

18:37 ...piss me off to be honest with you. They stand stand on their hands No, why would they be wearing clothing? I mean, what percentage of the population can do that? Complaining about... down to the little comedy club in Ottawa and stand-up comedy wasn't a mainstream thing then. He'd come every three times a year and every time he'd come we'd be there and it was just

21:28 We can get out of Ottawa, man. He was talking about coming out here, too. I'm so stoked. Yeah. Well, maybe ever. Yeah. Yeah. And everybody loves Charlie. Yeah. Everybody by Jimmy Durante's daughter in San Diego, We went out in the desert and... Charlie actually goes on stage with you, we should tell people. So that was, she got out at five weeks old.

24:35 Following in your footsteps the exodus continues So I'm actually, I'm building a podcast studio in my barn. That's one thing that's cool about Canada like people people people talk about the cold and how It's a different thing. There's the barn, yeah. That's one thing, but if it's called out and you're not moving. That's another thing because I got, I've been a lifestyle change.

27:03 I enjoy your videos from there. And I did not know that a year and a half ago. right? Because they got bigger ears and they're kind of, I was thinking three amigos. I was Yeah, he was instrumental in being a big part of getting mules here. Longer, yep, they use less water, less food. I follow Clay on that. Well, the thing that's so crazy about them is they're extremely smart to a point that

30:04 She's a very big mule. She's can see. She's a very big mule. What a great name. There we go, yeah. They're sterile, yeah. So weird. By yourself? That's fucking huge, man. Isn't it fascinating though that nature figured out a way to stop everything from fucking everything and just People walking around with exoskeletons going, hey, this ain't so bad.

33:25 Probably American. The wildest hybrid, of course, is the Liger. You know, the thing is, I guess a tiger and a lion They probably got some champ human hybrid somewhere. because those things ultimately, as they get older, Look at that donkey dick. You can find the- there's some weird shocking pictures of it like that one That's a chimp. I sometimes think about the close calls I've had with a couple

36:58 And I just thought it was so the cutest thing. I was after he were on that time. beautiful macaw for the rest of my life. And it almost took my finger off. That's a thing I don't really like about having- You know, these eat a lot of walnuts. That's why it's scary to be in front of a chimp. The donkey will live to be 50, potentially. But I think the thing that's most interesting about Emule, let me just

40:35 There's a sort of little rhythm to that. a saddle pad on, and you got to put the saddle on on and then she would move into me and kind of push me Oh, fun. She thinks it's unsafe. Oh, she's not going to want to go there. It's really interesting, the intricacy of how you figure this out. Okay. Like they just told you how to do it and you walked over and did it?

44:24 If that doesn't work, but you might not even It really is. psychological sort of hierarchy that gets created and a trust I didn't know that, right? handle those just on the ground with her, then once you get up on her, she has a little It's a noisy ATV four wheel vehicle thing. my leg. But the thing that was wild about it, so then I go, well, she's not going to want to go

47:55 we didn't always have language, right? She feels that just through her saddle. So that's why people say mules are stubborn, because they're sensing all of these little The horse might be apt to just jump the other way That's way better. Because like if she's scared of the wolves, you know, donkeys. not gray wolves, they're timber wolves, so they big, as big, but they're big enough though.

50:39 Yeah, absolutely. That's an alpha move right there, son. And yeah, but Koi wolf is kind of a misnomer, you know, because coyote is a wolf. Yeah. Yeah. I think they're viable. I think they have babies. Yeah, absolutely. No, they are for sure. Yeah, and it's not really And we're going to send it for a DNA sample to find out exactly the percentage of DNA that Wolf took high od that we have here.

52:53 my trail cams and I got, like, I'd say a little more than a half dozen distinct different Not yet. but you've got to come to Canada. I just hate their government. Mm-hmm. And sometimes here. How do you say his last name pull over here? Yeah. And that's how unabashed we are liberal up there. to get them out. might be going up to Canada talking about how great we are all of a sudden, you know?

55:56 I did bring something about Canada that I love. is absolutely worse than what we're arguing about? Well, the division is absolutely worse than what we're arguing about. That is a lot of work. And it's really kind of incredible to go see how they do it because they've built these the sap down until it becomes thicker and there's more sugar content. oh my gosh, okay.

58:22 sort of processed shit, you know? Pour it on some pancakes. maple syrup. Yeah. Yeah. God, how could you drink that? Yeah, no you don't really So if I'm having pancakes, I'm having 120 at least Burn off. Yeah, I had 580 bales of hay off the property this year. a half of hay a day. in the barn this year, cause some of my friends- They're always eating.

1:02:08 I have to now kind of monitor But I know that to think that you could get that jacked eating vegetables is ridiculous. I don't know how those, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, yeah. Yeah, they're not human beings. Yeah. It doesn't mean if you ate what a fucking horse eats, you'd look like a horse, you dumb

1:03:01 I have little, I have a vitamin, sort of a vitamin mix of, Yeah, I was wondering that. What happens to them in the wild though if they find a bunch kind of variety can I give the ladies, you know? It's in Montana, but they have, they're like captive, but it's really an enormous construction a frozen watermelon and you just go through it like it's a grape.

1:05:09 They do attack people occasionally. They attack people. Yeah. Yeah, there's a guy got killed over by Rutgers in New Jersey. He's killed by a black bear a black bear tries to pull you out and eat you. well, you, you know, when you're out there in nature and you kind of your, your sort of natural you're listening into the woods, you know in my life, but I kind of

1:07:55 but it's really kind of interesting. If you want to get a rifle first of all, it's completely different than in Texas, right? the Canadian, you know, the Mounties, right? I was trying to hunt some quail. That's why... That's what being Canadian is. Which is pretty extreme from an American standpoint, so you can't get a AR-15, for example. Well I don't, I wasn't really kind of, I think it was just an attempt to curb-

1:11:27 uh... but uh... to have this gun. I'm not really like, I don't really, you know, I like my lever action rifle. I like my shotgun. I think I might hunt turkeys this year. I'd like to do that Dude, they fucking took away their bank accounts. So I grew up, you know, the Parliament Hill, I'm sure you saw it on the news, like the This is something about the freedoms of Canada that I think is interesting, okay?

1:13:53 I love Ottawa. I'm both, right? They threw them all in jail, right? Hold on. They a lot of people broke glass smash windows. They did a lot of shit It was also it's not comparable because it seems like they were instigated in some way Whatever it was, there definitely was people election and his rabid fans are going to show up and you're not prepared for this? The seems,

1:16:53 And now over time we've seen now that the studies that they did do, of pharmaceutical drugs in this country They overdose on it. So that's that protest. That's so crazy. You have people, fuck Joe Biden. everybody in Canada is just and then just automatically the liberals run it for years. problem would take place. And it's that the people that are embedded, even if that did happen, the same problem would take place.

1:21:24 off half the and over and over and over again. said for someone staying in there for a long time and getting it right if they're good You'd want to keep that guy as the CEO. Right. the country correctly that's what most of these dictatorships have as a The most important job ever in a new guy gets it or a new woman ever yet, but someday. you go, oh, I wish we had term limits, you know, because he's been there over eight years now, right?

1:24:32 ultimately, but who knows? what Canada is. It's exactly the same. but they would not want that. And then you also have some weird shit going on with Canada trying to regulate the internet. Trevor Burrusi Well, I think he's saying that now because Fuck Trudeau. Are you working for the Canadian Ministry of? win and you could just- because you have so many fans up there. You really do and that's why I won.

1:29:08 So... the inclusive terms to make it seem like everybody else is a piece of shit and you're an amazing Yeah, it's you can have real leaders. They do exist. It's kind of like, yeah. You know, this more than anybody else, of course, So yeah, it does. you don't get booked for things. So everyone who goes over there who's just like desperately trying to make it, they're

1:32:27 straight into working for executives and producers and all of those people are indoctrinated. go to the chosen person's party. Maybe we can get chosen. Yeah, it's like, you know, you start out as a stand-up comedian and you are trying to, you know, poke holes I was kind of trying to rebel against what obviously seems like a formulaic, mainstream way of thinking

1:34:54 Purposefully so, I would go on these shows and try to go nuts and try to do something the bar cart, the J bar. So we go there, and I'm with my buddy who's, I'm in the green room with my buddy getting ready to go on the show and he goes, do a You go, do another shot before you go on. and I did a shot and the audience goes crazy the beginning of me realizing, oh, you can't.

1:37:35 you to go any more talk shows for the movie. But that kind of subtlety didn't really kind of pass the smell test. to get your own little creative shots off within that mold, but no longer are you actually And then eventually, you know, one day you go, I'm getting out of here and I gotta say, on this whole infrastructure here. Whipper-will, whipper-will.

1:40:19 of my childhood are in the smells of my childhood actually at home. Now everything's changed, the internet. That's really cool. So no matter what you do, you're working with, And you could do what you do wherever you want to do it. And when you realize that you don't need that anymore, and comedians today I would not ever lie and I wouldn't have them on if I didn't think they were funny, if I

1:43:29 Every comic that I know that has contracts with other comics, they start doing things Just help each other organically. And I did, you know, sometimes find that, you know, it wasn't always like that That's all you should look at it. Like, it's a good work harder. I was stoked to get to see your work in progress, your new hour that you're working on and

1:45:36 Amazing to watch you working out your new your new your new shit. It's fucking awesome But I've always found it hard to like, this is a question I kind of have for you because Then you go out, you kill it, you come back in and you see the, you know, that adrenaline rush Thinking in that mindset. Yeah, you gotta just kind of and don't let yourself relax you're still kind of thinking in that mindset. Yeah.

1:47:42 Because I'm already thinking like comedy. So that's... I quit drinking like three days ago. And I go on the road and I started realizing, man, like even if I go drinking Friday night let's go, let's party, we're in Cleveland. And it's just one too many Saturdays just lying in my hotel room just waiting for the Listen, I got a solution for you. I'm just kidding.

1:50:41 find – and this is what I was talking about with Louis about where I had a, you know, we're not close friends but I had an opportunity to have a conversation And it was clear my mind was operating in a different level than it would have been had getting them to do these sets over and over again, and you remember everything and build So you knew you weren't gonna repeat?

1:52:23 No, I like that too. Headline the club this weekend. That was even more than I was expecting I went to bed in the hotel. was just a little fire with sand covering And the nerves were completely burned off my feet, so after the initial shock of it, bit of burnt flesh off. I have not even. I didn't want to talk about it. So I had some friends who came down, who were coming down anyways, and they took Charlie.

1:56:39 She's super sweet. She runs up to everybody and wagging her tail. to make me feel better, but he said, well, the good news is you'll probably be able to This is debatably too much information, but it's interesting. Oh, Jesus. It wasn't the worst thing in the world. And it was very delicate, the skin graft for the first. Does your footprint come back in the same way?

1:59:39 So it's almost like less than paper thin layers of skin. Hospital. They had to go in and check it. I was spoke three times a week for the first two months and then it was like twice a week I'm just going to... I actually found some photos of this and pulled them up because healing up this, that's my mom, my mom had nothing, healing up at the hospital, but yeah,

2:02:55 But, and you go from, there's this moment where you're like, I'm not going to do that again. It's really hard to be. doing normal errands and I'm having a slightly bad day. I do everything to change the bandages on time? And your whole life changes, right? You know, treatment. but then every once in a while it pops into your head reason. I choose voluntary discomfort. I do shit like cold plunges and so on as

2:06:39 Stressful because you're doing voluntary stress all the time. And you prepare yourself for difficult things. I see you doing those cold plunges, Yeah, I was playing hockey on it a few weeks ago. Yeah, just out there shooting some pucks in the net and and you know outside into, like sometimes it's Canadians complain about the cold who live in the city, but when you

2:08:07 you can walk across huge lakes to islands except it's just you just go outside as a cold plunge. Keeps the comedy fresh yeah, yeah, but there's something about walking across a lake that is just like and they drive the truck out on it, like when I was playing hockey on the lake this year, Oh yeah. Yeah, the... hole and then he does eventually find his way but there's this sort of moment of panic where his friends are up on top and they're they're banging on the ice

2:10:50 I remember the first time I saw the concept and then he goes back all the way back. Bro, fuck what that is. trapper and it was a... Oh, one of that movies. Yeah, it was a great movie. It was based on this just sort of man versus nature kind of story. And it was a big, oh, gross out. So you don't have to watch it anymore. My god, so we made friends with them, and that's where Charlie comes from.

2:14:14 Don't hear them, but all those and this happens, you know three times a week And they free range, right? And then they spend the day walking around Gave them all female country singers names. then they were bonded with them in a way. to the music. And there was one survivor, Loretta survived. and they knew that there was nobody there and they chose their moment, the wolves.

2:17:21 But so they were watching and they came and they got five of them all at once and it was, at the chicken feathers everywhere and I was like, is this normal for me to be crying about for the next sense, I don't know, So now you got these two kinds of murderers chickens. And they're like, hi, I'm your friend. I know. Yeah. Just hold them upside down for a while and they kind of blackout and then you can

2:20:05 And so I kind of was really mad for a minute and then I thought, well, you know what, I Yeah. where they were prosecuted by the, how many coyotes are around, And that's why they spread all across. It's pretty nuts. It's a little small wolves in the suburbs. Those are cool to see, right? I'm sure they feed deer. he can look out his window and see deer

2:22:51 I've been there before. It would be amazing. Sorry, Peter. They're awesome. It's not just the same divisions and the same bullshit. and control the population. Yeah, can't let them decide what you can and can't do because they're just people he's vaccine injured himself, even though he owns nine patents on the creation of mRNA America, there's also calls to do it from the World Health Organization

2:25:58 I love your approach to it and your stand-up, your new stand-up is hilarious. Thank you, thanks. colliding and I don't know which one's gonna win because we could turn into a dictatorship. platforms ability to distribute information that's contrary to what they're saying, any This was amazing. So you'd go and hang with people? When you went to cool places, did you go hang around people?

2:29:16 It was Tom Hanks. because I do sort of, I think sometimes, like I said, So how long did you go without being in contact So it was still that people would come over, So it was wild. I was in LA you weren't in LA then, no. when it was at the beginning of COVID. You're avoiding my question. How long military helicopters going over you're avoiding my question

2:31:07 But still being with no people. Are you a lawyer? But then the van. And you'd be around people. That's what made it weird was I didn't, you know, I could imagine if I had a girlfriend But when you were out in the desert, a lot of times you'd go to somewhere and there'd think I'd just gone there in New Mexico, which is Pueblo Native American ruins of – it's essentially

2:34:08 Like I hear about Machu Picchu, somebody brings that up once a week. You talk about the pyramids and stuff like that. here, right? it. Yeah. See that sort of structure there? was particularly built. So, and this area, they've done all these studies of this area, so they know like, up here to trade with them. and the wind is dead and you're just all alone and you're

2:37:40 So here's me walking through it with my camera. Yeah. So then you go down this rabbit hole and you realize that they're all over the place. Europeans had come here using the same kind of building techniques as yeah It's up in New Mexico, I think, yeah. They're natural caves that they've kind of They didn't just – no American had ever been there until the mid-1800s because it was Apache territory and if you went there,

2:40:25 you look at some of these petroglyphs and you go, what's that? There's a lot of petroglyphs And I just kept looking and searching every day. It looks like you're having fun. But it is work, but it's different work. We went salvaged all this wood and then built new fences out of them. Like it's the first time I've ever lived somewhere build a log cabin someday on the backwoods, you know, so that's sort of one thing I'm

2:43:33 Do you have a video tour of the house? Yeah. It's a gas-powered wood splitter, and you chain saw up the logs, you drop them in, the There's two wood stoves. No, it's – Do you? and they are make these batteries, lithium batteries, right? can take anywhere on the property which has these battle-borne batteries in it. powered barn cast. But we have, you know, it's 200 yards from the house.

2:47:11 But they eventually degrade, right? You can run your laptop, you can phone your, charge your phone indefinitely. It was ready to get around people again pretty much uh... No, it was hilarious. No, it was funny though. It was but but it was I mean I hope I I'm living in a van down by the river now. Well, that's like how we describe Hans Kim. These places, Chaco Canyon, it's not easy to get there.

2:50:34 reason? Why is it not talked about more? I mean, I sort of discuss this a little bit on the video. Because there's certain things that have... Like Machu Picchu. But you were just saying that that place was abandoned in the 1100s. Yeah. I mean they find these all over the place a friend of mine has. Oh man a ranch out here. Oh, wow See, I personally, the second I touched this,

2:53:14 Relaxed and you're thinking about it so much, but it's like you touch this and you go Because normally if you drove there, let's say you drive six hours to get somewhere, So now you can drive there and stay for a while. or something out there. Like there was a moment, of the former Barrie F. Goldwater Air Force-based It's not a Century Sam or Philly's Blunt.

2:55:38 I was like, this company, but it's actually, So what was the most sketchy of encounters while you were out there doing that van life? Yeah, it was like a truck. And so they could have been hunting. They were holding the rifles like that. So I kind of assumed that they were going around Well, they were, you know, they were, you know, whatever, 50 feet, 100 feet away.

2:57:50 Then they drove away. drug smuggling, do not travel alone. Yeah. Yeah. And so, yeah, danger, human smuggling, drug smuggling, do not travel alone, right? the world, you know, just streaming live from the middle of fucking nowhere, the world's I bought a gun the next day. Especially see four dudes with rifles. Yeah. the cities where there's happening going.

3:00:54 So I went back to Burbank, went down to Guns Plus and picked up a.357 Magnum and a Benelli No, I didn't. all the time, so I'd sometimes bring that Something about a revolver too. Yeah A lot of carbon fiber. I live with some friends that really want to take me out next year. man, that looks good. Do you hear them? They're everywhere. You had figured it out before anybody.

3:04:27 So I started off with a laptop. Like we did that celebrity pool show. Oh, yeah, this guy's got it nailed. Yeah, we're on the internet. This is incredible. I was so happy And I'm like, Thomas is wild. They were kind of the first people that I saw streaming. and then I went off on my own and... What happens is sometimes people can't make it, babysitter cancels, who knows.

3:07:01 What is it? for Amazon Prime, stand-up special. So you can go check out my tour and I'm going to film the whole tour too and I'm going to