Joe Rogan Experience #2122 — Ari Shaffir, Shane Gillis & Mark Normand Transcript

Transcript

0:00 The Joe Rogan Experience You know the weed head no he got in trouble for making his dog do a hitler Police, Scotland, we won't target comedians under new hate crime law. They'll just queef it up. These are just things that exist. You got to talk about age. This is so ridiculous. Yeah. Did you hear what happened in Belgium the dude got a year in jail for memes that were shared?

2:52 The memes are nothing. It was like an anti Nazi meme hmm like and Yeah, this is worse. this fucking dumb shit is happening in 2024 with the internet. 2024 and you're going after people's phones, their private group, your phone hears everything. $50,000 a year and he sees where his tax money is going to and he could barely Yeah, how much faith did he have?

5:48 Nancy Pelosi was like you said you wouldn't embarrass me. and he's got his hand on the hammer and then the guy breaks the hammer loose and just bangs him in the head Big crazy looking motherfucker who just Wait, that's the... Look, he's got like a sleeping bag. So he bashes through this fucking door which took a while I do they definitely stole a lot of money.

8:56 and they know the laws are coming Bro. We supported them and we were rewarded for that. Like everybody else is doing it too. in goodfellas Right, it's funny that he has to So when he went up yeah Everybody considers him like our greatest of all-time president Let's get let's talk about It's either war and money or pussy. I'll take the guy who just wants pussy every day of

14:01 You could kill everybody and then they ask you, did you kill them? We're moving to Annapolis. Nope. That is the worst lawyer of all time. How did you lose that one? Was they had this thing where they would put you in like lock you to a chair and throw you in a pond people they definitely what if they didn't have a leg near them listen man You got skin tag

16:34 Some lady was like, you're a witch! God wait a minute, but they've proven that er got was in wheat during that time. It's just saying For sure there was one that happened in France You can burn a lady. I'm always, when they start dismissing psychedelic stuff, So that's why I found this by typing in evidence of ergot I think I'm done with acid. Smooth.

20:03 You think? What was the name of the, Albert Hoffman? Well, I'd have fed went to a festival in Western, Georgia a couple years ago Zero percent acid in that. Oh the guys right okay, so not only is LSD absorbed through the skin on contact Eventually gonna touch this someone's gonna get their greasy fucking hands for like 20 years, that's Tom O'Neill, the book's insane.

22:48 and they were trying to get rid of the civil rights movement, and if you've got the power of the media behind you and you've pushed that Kennedy. They probably be involved in the assassination of Kennedy. And back then, again, this was just 50 years past the drawing of people. they hated him you ever go to the X in Dallas yeah go out this one yeah isn't

25:10 They saw them they probably all had a signal something happened They did they got his body initially in Dallas and then they flew it to Bethesda Back into the left A lot of people died, dude. Is that right? Right here he gets hit boom he's hit How come nobody's thrown this Pruder film in the AI to clean this shit up? He got hit through the neck with a bullet.

28:50 Here's what's interesting the spray goes forward, but the head goes backwards They're not going to take a chance when they're going to assassinate the president. They're going to have multiple dudes shooting She had it in her pocket. Imagine if they can do that. We talked about on stage what the bowing guy realized the guy who committed suicide realized that he did a terrible thing

30:36 He knew it and he was like, what have I done? really think they're gonna whack you that's what what's his name said to McAfee Yeah, awesome. There was a account that was linked to him that was like he had a lab in his backyard That's amazing. And what he said is that he gives you donated them computers here Huawei phones are like the most sophisticated phones

33:01 Look what he says, I think it's the finest drug He made himself a friend it was so good dude they might have been or he might have been on that fucking hyper sexuality suicide I think he was when he tweeted he was like if I die it's I didn't do it He's on a pound of crank Yeah, that's a rough fat guys get two seats on the plane speaking knowing He'll let his dogs over the line. That's what I'm saying. You gotta go full John. It's cool when John wick did it

37:26 He documented it all. It's just different. Damn, yeah, I want to try it So he got whacked for money? Is that what it means? Shouldn't have happened but the one looked into it the Spanish you think he found some stuff out when he was like I think he was like one of MGM T Maca fan said he and his team exploited a flaw Whoa. Look at this. Oh, he's a criminal.

41:54 But how wild cool Jimmy Kimmel had shook night on it was cool Kimmel, right? Yeah. Oh, this is back then. Who gives a fuck about some actor Leguizamo? I don't dare you. Oh, yeah, they tried it they tried it Oh, yeah, the fires were crazy in California. You ain't never seen anything like it. They're here now. Yeah when they're done with them, these littering cocksuckers.

45:18 So I was coming home one night, Why are we driving that way the ring There was in Northern, California a whole highway full stop cars everybody died yikes everybody got consumed by fire Always dies off when it stops raining everything turns brown it goes in like a little, like one bush on fire. That was that, wasn't it? picking up the water out of the lake

48:30 That's a wake-up call to how vulnerable we really are that was the one time where people in LA were cool The shipment that was lost somewhere Fuck it son. I've never seen orange smoke before it was orange I was doing shows. The first day I was like what am I fucking this hungover that it's like one day was cloud everything's hazy Smog color, but that seems highly unusual

51:27 You Jamie, you're being so nasty today. Fit Shane. I think it's a weight thing Get him that one that's really a crown and Cokes though know that's your first barging trip get him that one then we go crown and cokes though That's different. That's a different animal me and uh, DeRosa makers makers and coke Taking hours. That was the Stanhope strategy for years.

54:12 Funny motherfucker to bring the heat. It's just a good dude man I love that dude. He's adopted. We gave them a casino. They had to put that fire out. Yeah, it's actually probably about four or five hundred years old. Well, but They had all the time in the world you You know what's okay to appropriate It's literally their holiday? Crazy talk that's crazy. I think he probably just meant that he's bad at it

58:25 Everybody else can we bring up that what interview him on the red carpet just alone out. Oh, yeah out of his fucking Just saying. Get fired up. There he is. Who's the lady? kissed the cowboy yeah you fucked him so hard he killed himself, huh? He OD'd because he fucked his ass. Great movie. That's a good hunk dude Oh no, it was about the guy, the jail guy. Gregory Beck.

1:01:48 It's about this dude who was like this crazy fucking criminal an Australian That's what we do. No but I mean there's one of those, the rules are wrong. that you were gonna fall out of religion? Was there a thing that happened? Yeah, I was just like,'m done. This is a lot. I don't care about this We've seen magic with the guy from Westworld. It's real similar to Bronson though isn't it? I've never seen that one

1:04:19 Look at his young ass Yeah, it was a fun one. I saw it on a plane. You know what I like is My friend Nate Marshall I told him I wouldn't share this the black he is black. Yes. He's not the only black We were everyone was like He was sad and weighed like his hands... We got videos of Bobby Kelly working out We're not afraid to get a little wacky with his explosiveness though

1:08:15 74 he's gonna look like an old woman working it. No, this is no show this artino found security first. They had a private workout Oh he's back. Oh, that sucks. No, I remember the Fat Bobby. And you haven't seen him in like two months. It's like zero What was he doing that's a 25 try to do decline benchpress 6.0? You gotta see first he goes to the plates and he goes, uh, actually nah. You know what dude?

1:11:42 Welcome to the comedy scene. He's a guy. It's out of love your piece of shit he's always like you youngsters I'm like are he's 51 yeah Yeah, what are you doing? That's true? They're both the and it's out of love each other's balls. I probably watched 15 people walk out. This time I meant it because I actually did do very bad. Okay, I Man Hebert was great. He'd go on letterman and a joke would bomb and you go I'm aware of that joke is stupid

1:15:16 Yeah, so Tuesday's out She hated Louis, she hated Seinfeld. Yeah, she had some wacky ideas about selling sitcoms the comic store was seeing all these comics named it and then dunk it and then do your act. like those guys use you could really separate yourself yeah I like it it's and was like, you're not going hard enough. Yeah. No, that was before.

1:18:36 It was so weird, such a fucking corporate thing. Say goodbye to another fucking person. So we can go drink. The whole time I just had to say hello And we should probably get back on board. Yeah, I think it's too late. Don't go 20 years. I also took it the words it's better for everybody everybody knows the truth better for You've got this thing. Don't sing a song around up here. Oh, no, I agree. I just get a know it. Yeah look

1:21:34 And they should they did the right thing That's hilarious. Thanks for this. This is a great clip. He knew what they were doing. There was another one too with Yeah, well that show was the the wildest thing they got put a guy with Down syndrome at the star of a show Oh, yeah quite a noggin. He's not a And they go, he's got a house. It's great, he did SNL. No, there's no no no the truth. That is true though

1:24:23 see like it for real it would always be like Damn. I think I've been here, we probably hung out. You and Yang. You and Yang. You and Yang. Saying I suck for sure listen There's gonna be a bunch of people I wrote everything sucks It was whack. For real, Drake is better than Beethoven. You got nine people to think you're awesome, one douchebag thinks you suck.

1:27:10 Also I know what you're doing right now and I appreciate it game recognize game. You drink one There's so many fucking The mob and the CIA are trying to kill me. Imagine you're the president and you're banging everybody and everybody knows but nobody talks about it. No Normal Christian 25 year old to the left Women like that are they're just a drug. Yeah, it's a drug. It's it's fucking John McAfee's meth

1:31:03 For the record that TV paid more oh my god 20 20 20 that's an SNL paycheck musical guests like a ten That's John McAfee's meth. Congratulations to her genetics. Ari's like, her act sucks. It is said that she was a star brilliant with a high IQ there you go, but it doesn't say it's higher than us Oh yeah I went to the meeting with all the migrants in my neighborhood.

1:34:08 Protect our community. Well, your park went to hell, so the community's fucked. They're gonna want like a good one that you can sit down in with a little sink in it. No, in London they do it. They set up porta-potties of it so all the drunks, Yeah, yeah, man dogs like if you have what girl dogs just squat and pee boy dogs one like mark I mean, it's so they set up porta potties look at the porta potties in the bar in deflectors

1:36:13 So if they're going to pee, so let it drip away from the fucking crevices. I'm not gonna go to some little closet that smells awful when I get shit right here Place that's three quarters enclosed to go in and piss on a wall look how beautiful that looks beautiful Look at that one. That's in Paris. That's insane. But show the whole thing so you can Oh, interesting.

1:38:17 What does A15 mean? Those like public bathrooms. Here's I think this is what I think that might have been 15 minutes people started using them as places to talk for private conversation Yeah, in 1980, they were replaced systematically. When I grew up you were in a different world. Yes, you left the house you were gone Anybody is. Get home They converted to like a session place and so they had carpet like seven eight layers of carpet

1:41:15 Yeah, I guess I wasn't eight now. It's 13. I was thinking that was Boston Did you ever go over and knock on the door and go hey quiet down a little bit? No nobody did that back then Might be early, but I gotta pee all right behind the microwave Jamie news is ridiculous and always around the house For the YouTube users, just bleep it out for them. Woo.

1:44:29 So I was like, fuck it. I can't take anyone. Not relaxed I've seen her two courts shut up It's not skittish I know, right? He's in Texas. Opti-IRA. There's to this day armored with big steel plates all around well the IRA bombs. Oh you found it The thing is, when you're listening, it's so hard. him on we all have on it's cuz you are you know literally no one had him on no

1:48:41 I went there a couple years ago and Shay was like, And I just looked down for like five seconds and I was like, oh yeah, I'm going back there. I could not believe, they were like, Oh, nice. Best fucking sketches I have ever seen there You got a gang of them at. Independent comedy sketches that are done by the people that are actually funny. For the truth well, I'm gonna mushroom Mark, bong one of those. Huh? Bong one. Bong one. Dude, for the troops.

1:50:52 It's time to take America back, Mark. For the troops. No, I wouldn't cheer for that. That's you Ari, but most unreasonable people like me For 90 days, and then the guy get married in my you gotta pick one of these hoes And you don't know like what they even look like until you meet them. China's like, look at these idiots. Daddy's home. Yeah, we need just Tom Hardy Isn't it funny that that's like everybody really kind of wants the big daddy in the sky to take care of everything

1:54:15 He doesn't like Jews. There's a lot going on we want to be sure you're ready. They don't make you take a tattoo to least He kept getting infected Indian fella. Well, he got a... Toss it in your mouth. What are you doing? Gross you eat like an elephant Fucking curry chicken in your mouth with your dick slumdog. That's Weird looking at organ at the old studio. We had a walrus one a petrified walrus

1:57:38 Is there there's one where he hops into a Down syndrome guy? Bro. still get beautiful women because you're talented. That does not work the opposite. True, but He was like the second half of my life He was a molecular biologist. But this is why. But this is why a woman can say, you don't know what it's like. value to a lot of people what he's the difference that's how they look there's

2:01:29 That's number one. I got lucky. In that world of maybe here's me in a picture you're here's a nice guy, we're gonna raise a family together, we're gonna, like, I don't know. Day one and they'll ruin him. Yeah Yeah, he got little cuckoos. But I think part of the reason why I struggle in his wife is going through cancer. I thought he's a smart guy read the label

2:04:07 So if you're a doctor, a psychologist, you call your friend who's a psychiatrist and you if you just jump off it. as an intellectual, either side, I don't love it. You just went on a crying spree. But he does that because he thinks that suits look good. He's cool, it's just fame ruins a lot of people's work. They're doing great work, the Kimmel, same sort of thing, it's like, eh, you guys are all becoming something else.

2:06:35 and then the people that like call him a Nazi they're like you're gay right there's no I don't know I was like, who decides? Who's a Nazi? the fucking shit out of Gaza. Yeah, that's my favorite part of Hamas. protesting Netanyahu right in dudes are fucking parachuting down and gunning people down and chasing down kids at a rave. What she said there was a ceasefire? It did not hold because Hamas chose to break it

2:09:26 Yeah, yeah, no, I mean he just can talk about basically any international crisis that that he's investigated They're gonna change people and turn them into fuckers. to pretend that it's fine to be exactly how you are. Because it's uncomfortable to deal I thought you were home. No I gotta go my parents house. Ah Did you get a plug? So much more. where you were in a territory where you were in a territory where you were in a territory

2:12:16 I feel like I'm talking to one of them UFO guys with the bullshit in me. Tarantino's last movie that would be very first time I was like no you have any discussions I've never met him in my life he's the man never wonderful Jews No, it was amazing. What are you talking about? They cut a guy's ear off. Yeah. Yeah, and he was like no, I'm not doing it

2:14:13 Piano starts in the movie like fast forward Still fun But, hateful eight. He beat the hell out of Jennifer Jason Lee. You're gonna be okay. That's how dumb that fucking thing is, Get out of town. Oh, he's calling you corky. Gumps fucking his drill instructor be like go. Why did you put that weapon together so quickly private gum because you told me to

2:17:12 It was killer Running on empty This is mainstream, Arie's right What are you talking about? Arie's right This is the most essential popular songs. Exactly. Arie's right. Tarantino researches. Gump is the story of America. Where you're like, I don't even remember this song. It's not really in competition with Pulp Fiction nor should it be. They're two different kinds of things. They're two different movies.

2:19:14 You're cool, you're half too cool. Soundtrack was awesome. Yeah, I don't remember it at all No, no, yeah, yeah, they're better songs. He didn't even have the time of the whole movie. You are. You're annoying. You're fucking Zionist. Put the headphones on, Free Palestine. Free Palestine. Put the headphones on. Are you being obnoxious and annoying? Put your headphones on. You are. You stepped on all of us.

2:20:12 Yeah, go back to the tunnel. What does the email list tell you? I got weird. Norman's got him around his chin, he can at least keep up Six it's a movie about a wrestler, but we're not you modeen. We're not allowed to play music No, did you see ironclaw? I didn't oh you would like it. It's heavy-duty. What is it? Oh? Jesus Christ, that's the real family with the dad. It's a tragic family man. I heard the movie is awesome

2:22:50 members of Wu Tang. I didn't just say. Not Inspector Dick. Who was it? RZA. RZA did the I don't know why I keep asking. what's that? They'll think you do a cover! Uh oh. Yeah Shut up Joe I think no one around opponent to the head should be legal 100% should be legal if you're on your back and a guy's on top you can knee him in the head that should be

2:26:11 Yeah, so say if- Well in the early days everything was legal. You know I died in pride they used to stomp Remember you had pride though. You would say you had pride in America. Yeah, I'm that norm joke about that It was Pride. It's too late. Martin Luther King got back. It was too late. It caught on who's this guy? I don't know Oh yeah. What is this?

2:29:33 He's playing. Whoa You can't do that anymore. that balding old man This is a fucking creep with two terabytes of kitty porn Yeah, that was 92. a fucking guy with Give it a go this guy's not a journalist. There's one fake one and that you guys made about the tunnels Yeah, you'd be like that's AI. I don't know what the city Jewish community literally won't just make a statement

2:34:25 If it's 78, you can go to 82. What did your people do? that distract. Look at that. thousands of miles away i'm sorry i'm sorry i got carried away False. Wait, wait a minute. Scroll up, scroll up. Hannah wrote this okay Incorrect! Incorrect! After they appointed, all the way to Cleveland! Mattresses shown in the viral video came from behind wood paneling inside the synagogue not from the tunnel

2:38:10 Storage space for beds? Who gives a fuck if it was 12 feet to the left? unverified video shows what appears to be a high chair. Oh. But it shows only one We don't throw things out. Someone else might need a high chair in two weeks I thought you Listen Shane Gillis. What I don't go in tunnels Shane Gillis when you think about the the art was not sure of my club

2:40:44 were throwing it out by the way QAnon people! Yeah, they were throwing it out by leaving it. Let's not throw it away. That's how to do it where we put on this and a costume today. You're gonna be a gypsy So I think it's you got to shut your computers off and live your fucking life Everyone could do so much damage you're talking about Jew you're a Jew Jew face

2:43:06 But if you're in the south side of Chicago where violent crime and murder is higher than None of it just go out and go for a hike everybody's pretty cool with each other if you're talking about hatred. Yes, that's true Bud Light coming out of an eagle's asshole is even better than regular Bud Light. Damn, we're not even allowed to show that cool America's number one video that we always

2:44:29 I think the fact that we can say shit online but you don't get any repercussions has added Life's great. But they would say it online. from both sides of the galley Sean Connery hit women those are the days we didn't talk about that fucking guy in Belgium Well, everybody keeps coming here. I'm second generation. Right. Trudeau. Canada rules in the summer Canada is

2:48:16 Piss in that whiskey Trudeau though they go a government can you imagine? The truckers hate him. they're genuinely nice people so it's cold as fuck up there people cooperate When they call on like Australia and Canada to go to war they go to war dude, and they go hard Norm. That whistler's awesome. There was a guy named Jean... Jean... I did sit-ups and then I kicked that guy in the fucking head

2:51:41 If this didn't work out you would have been the dumbest mother This guy was my hero when I was a kid. He was a fucking assassin. But kickboxing back then here's the deal about I don't know what that means. Rick Rufus was so good You could have gotten into wrestling. no money in kickboxing. 54 and 1. kick those the column. Were the Dutch nasty at it because they colonized Southeast Asia?

2:56:00 No, they learned it. They were down there. They learned it was either they learned it they were down there cuz I learned it but they were way bigger World War two popped off it was 1970s Dutchmen traveling to Japan So bananas that could be good. Why were there no Japanese people on alien? Have you guys seen it? there was one I guess there is one in the

2:58:41 It's better because I'm fascinated by Japanese culture. It's this like as well done as that? Is it real as that? First couple years, dude. I entirely agree. Read chasers of it, but I never like what happened right a BL started over talk, but beer Train by the, Train by the. But when Nick said that, I had no expectations. He's just little South African like that motherfucker

3:01:03 I'm not when Dustin Poirier said at the last UFC? I missed it. I missed it He's a judo black belt started out. It's fucking French Special Forces guys Saint-anis That's when conditioning and just knowing what the fuck you're doing takes over. Oh, you're on the second one. Yeah, those guys can fight one times. It might be five. That's true He's fighting Max Holloway, UFC 300.

3:03:00 Let's go. I'm gonna like Halifax or Ontario or something. I know but you of course you like him Yeah, they're both amazing. Yeah. That was a good fight. Yeah, he's got a good chin. I like it coming up to you at the way is like You know what met the world to me the first time I met sugar Sean Yeah, I can't tell you how many bros come up to me like once the next one

3:07:57 I'll be gay you could laugh on a lot of dumb shit You're like, god damn it. Yeah, but then the aftermath is a bitch. Like to live like a bird it's like I'm getting double stuffed. that's sympathy? just have fun for a day We'll talk Their pumps yeah, and they really knocked the gay right in it's pretty dark What's the ratio? Clean how do you how clean you making that well they get the shower prison shower. It's all literally a shit pipe

3:13:08 He would be a girl. You New York guys are different, dude. I watch rodeo You gotta shoot it in the face. Ah Oh, that's better. at least they're gone you don't see it like the JFK assassination it's just gone It's really not okay squirrel squirrels are cute. They have fluffy clothes are great guys See if you can get some zebras running across some minefield

3:16:09 Jew tunnel. Zebras crossing a minefield. Crossing a minefield Jiu tunnel Did you write down every joke a multiple times? Don't fuck with the notes. I won't read it, I swear to God. Shut up. Why? Why are you being nasty? You got maps? I love the... If you ever try to apply for a visa to another country, they're gonna go, let me see the Yeah, most can get it's too hard on the back that's not

3:19:33 He's a monster. Of underrated. I think he went to the acting road and all this shit maybe. It was you, Shane. It was you. Well, I think you gotta put it on the internet. We're not gonna if someone's good. Well. He's pretty good. He's working on it. He's you know. He's got potential So he can do the impressions and the the impressing about drones are only fun in the United States

3:21:57 It's so much. Reading comments most people are really happy yeah They all liked Adam Sandler. That's gonna be crazy. He's in there. He's a great comic That's all you said Of any sport of any whatever it's then you go to like who's best versus ratings. It's a fun argument Yeah, all time not appreciated. Yeah, well champion all time underrated doesn't mean best or worst right right right right?

3:25:09 He was a killer. How about this? He wasn't like top ten is ten and skating street skaters. No huge dong No offense to him, he does it. This is a real flaw. Oh wow, I learned something. My poop yesterday now. We're all sitting around going yeah, what's the best? resisting that knowing you're going to get labeled a fascist or a Nazi just because you But like when Elvis was shaking his hips and like could you believe it? This is appalling. This is inappropriate

3:28:36 What's the great shit out there all right Soder? And it's better. I gotta host Saturday Night Live. That's true. Let's go for a hike. You know what I'm talking about. Shift conversation away. Here are you practice I'll go hey you see the genocide going on in Gaza Tea leaf salad's great. I think we should focus on the genocide slightly and then have fun all at once we figure which one

3:31:44 I'm talking about people annoyed by a word or a joke The negative shit was like guys what are we doing? That one seems important Like just CNN Democrat. Yeah hardcore Yeah, well, it's making you not just write a joke they're playing a game they're trying to win if they get you to complain about it. You lost to I guess It's confusing because you're not a fucking idiot if you're a fucking idiot

3:35:13 And you don't you don't do that when there's an after party You decide that everyone having a good time is bad. funny agent but that's a true focus on the funny funny we're forgetting all right But was that a DEI thing? Whoever sells tickets. Oh That's the reason because you have to have money to say fuck you. You have to be able Yeah, if you have a business

3:38:35 Most comedy clubs. Well the craziest non holding the line is the Canadian place that banned Dave No, I don't. Before you? They're just trying to stay alive. That's possible It would be amazing Skankfest. Skank fest you fucking can't get tickets. It sells out. Yeah, it's fucking I'm going to hold the line. I actually genuinely got very sick. It's an important thing for comedy,

3:43:00 One more! up. Yeah, he went the bigger man on there, which is good of Lewis. Easy, big fella. There It's Russia. It's a good trick. of the kids identified as LBGTQ or non-binary. Just joking around, dude. 50%. Yeah. Jesus, I know they told you you're supposed to major in this. Yeah, I'm getting a little nasty. Come hang out with me, man. No, no, no code no, okay

3:46:43 You're like good job You little fucking piece of shit. I never called you a short little tiny guy, but I am so they but I don't do that He went to this place and they they made him drink this shit But you can always hear about travel let's do another podcast no, but no no no no no Risky, which one was it? That's also Right, like this thing. I think you have more than one thing.

3:50:20 Kill yourself. I stand corrected. Yes, I agree Like travel, eat food and do yoga. Yeah, it's anything all together, and it's just you that's what you need. You don't need a bunch of people down I did it too, but it's all us talking about our passion travel When it comes to podcast advice, maybe you should listen to the guy who might have invented I think I think you're very I think you you got a little you got a little gay ass Bourdain in you

3:54:02 Do when you do it right now? I'm doing bi-weekly I think twice week and I think I get it could be whatever I took mushrooms and you didn't? But I'm doing whiskey. I also happen to be a stand-up comic. We're both selling horribly in Tennessee I would love instead of a studio. Yeah, I'll fly you We're gonna all take a nap. A little siesta? Yeah, no the siesta is yeah. How long were you there for? A year?

3:57:20 You are very primate not a bad thing a primate like It was like... he's standing next to you and his dong's just right like, you got a good dong, bro. You see those girls that are allowed to breastfeed? Yeah, they have giant milky boobs. Is that Kim Kongdom? Wow, that looks like there's two pussy wow looks like two girls there I don't Hold on a second. What? Norman just said he licked his own dick.

3:59:59 If it was a woman the guy would be here. Oh, he's really filled with scum Tony I, I, I, yeah. No disrespect. I just laid to eyebrow ratio and comedy I see him. I'm like nice. Hey, buddy nice to see you Dinner? Dinner? Dinner? Dinner? Some Putin shit? We have 20 minutes. Anyway, I like the guy. He's a fun guy. no. I go, great. So I text Tony. I'm on my way with Tucker. I'm on my way with Tucker

4:03:30 Wait, and Kil Tony? She sings? Well, that guy... We go to the car What did you just say? What the fuck did you just say? You give an advice to Tony like I gave advice to you? murdered. William Montgomery murdered. Damn. William Montgomery is another dude who's just coming into his own right now Will Montgomery used to go on stage with a notebook Tried to ever do which he did was ditch the notes ah yeah, that's it William Montgomery

4:06:57 So they were coming to the club already by the way never been to see stand-up both Dan and not sure So he goes up second and murders all the greatest hits and they're dying. I was in the balcony with the black keys well they were dying watching William Montgomery and I set it up it was amazing He goes what are you doing? I'm allowed to fish this podcast is like six hours old it always is

4:08:49 I'm asking you why you're doing it. I thought it was like five years ago. He's not. They got the bad idea about all these people. But he's from California. Yeah, he's from LA. He's a nice guy, man, I'm telling you. Good or bad. Are we in or we out? It's ideological. It's too dumb. And as people like us, people That's why China for us suddenly My headphones were on the whole time, you didn't get any.

4:11:53 You don't want it, Ari. Ban it all. But now fire that up who's getting in that you can't ban anything Ari Tick-tock wolves and they're trying to make you trans and they know what the fuck Chinese movies where they hire like hot shot American actors like B-level yeah but for real what are they doing? when they're Uyghurs. I don't have a... But $9,000 no, it's not expensive

4:15:14 modular, it can be replaced. Sticks and shit pulling shit out and they're getting toxic. Yeah, but Trump's mean sometimes I'm gonna vote for Donald Trump. That's so gay, dude. Give me one. You're a fucking dork. Voter dies. Great. I need fried Cuban food. America! Fuck yeah! Yeah, yeah, if you try to get on stage after fucking Ari Shaffir Oh, right.

4:19:12 No it was an academic who said stand up is easy Never say that dude Jamie. You gotta find this for me. Um On the podcast. He's a good guy. Doesn't mean I was gonna stand up. It's dealing with people in a tightly controlled setting Jeffries. With a rich set of expectations governing their behavior. they're fucking brawling in the middle of this comedy club

4:21:47 Fuck it. He's awesome, but I mean this is like 89. This is like before Greg was Greg I'm mark. I've got the bottle right here. Joe three three different Yeah, the one person who is always never died. What do you mean, died? Leave him alone. That's my fourth and fifth cup. We are approaching five hours into a podcast that can change the election. Call it strong for next time.

4:25:30 Refuse also a minute Shane only has two something is a mess Coming again is the motherfucking day! Jamie have a YouTube version, I know it's more work I watched it with my dick in my hand. It's gotta be better than the Kennedy cocktail. Oh yeah. The Biden cocktail's gotta be like days Aw, man, dude. Aw, man, dude. Pulled up like a bull. Squeeze that dick off like a garden hose in the 70s.

4:29:02 I Think expert bar for like a baby has babies You really you could have retired by now. I'm ten years older than him but Ari's capable of firing up Everywhere and Michelle to regret it was like a hundred percent. I'll be quiet forever for that 50 times in a row. Spite as a motivator to hurt your friends to work out to me through whatever is so there

4:31:56 She didn't like it. Right and then like we're doing that fitness thing. I was like, I'm gonna kill cuz everyone would think it'd be I'm gonna drag you to where I'm about to die Way healthier way I don't like that part of me Hospitals yeah I will show you I'll never stop capable of What about the Jews? Did that happen? that was wrong. What about the hostages?

4:36:04 Yeah. You're doing comedy. I'm like, they're different than you. That's the one or at Adam on my butt he was a Oh, yeah, now you understand Gaza He loves it. butt up against the ladyboy community. Oh. world 100% trust me. I got good instincts. One time my wife like my kids were going to Disneyland my wife is like you don't have to do a podcast I'm like, but I do I have to thank God you didn't listen to me. Yeah, I was like I have to I told people

4:40:05 Now they've been to the new stratosphere of us being... No, I like this guy. It's a cover a cover it doesn't matter it's so good this guy's mustache rules hey Shane She'll be other bro. Yeah when they scored problem Buffalo Bills. Is that the one? No, hit Gabe versus Miami. football Number one by far. I don't know cuz China and India don't play soccer soccer does play China

4:44:06 Contracts on a Supertruck too. Yeah, I was gonna give him a truck. You know I give money you guys don't understand Do you think it's like more important that people decide what the line is? oh, it's been so hard for me, I don't drink. That's just guys having fun Finish that thing. This is the last beer. you what to do and what not to do. Let's go! I love it.

4:48:51 I waited until I was 21 to enjoy Bud Light responsibly and I've always enjoyed it Oh shit Grottoes pizza fucking damn dude, but I was in City, Maryland. Oh Sbca get in here I'm gonna tell you this. Of all the people... Paulie Shore doors pretty good who who Bully sure sure can't have you on tonight. She's like that curled up tails sign of anger put the dog down, bro

4:52:37 Volcano came up empty I said, hey, I'm going to call your manager. Shane you made me be a dork how dare you be nasty like this Joseph. Where are you going? taking pictures on the outside of the other part he goes let the Rosa in what do you want me to do? I don't know. There's paparazzi. I was like ehhh. Dude it ruled so far so hard we got a picture of us my

4:54:44 Was wrong to not do it. Guys, another five hours. Yeah. Everything you need. Everything on Earth comes with pros and cons. If you can do it, if you're me, do it. Everything's great. The fucking setup is great. The way it was established is great You don't want to... Mark, let's share it too, Betty. I'm here the weekend like oh who can feature Mike well everybody Oh

4:58:15 We're only a year in, man. It's like hey, I gotta say this pain people the right way. This is one thing. I'm proud of what it's a small room Chappelle's they was just no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no Wow no no he's right that's right Joe just stop Joe It's hard to So I just say all I said on Twitter intimate show. That's it Go holy fuck my bad. I just fuck this is one year ago. That's how much your world has changed

5:02:33 destroyed on protect our parks but he knows he's got to come with the quips You can only go. Wait, what were you destroyed? He's never destroyed. What was I destroyed? Yeah. When you've been destroyed. We have to end this. Weger Something. We hold the line. Listen, Scotland. He's going with Scott. We hold the line. Good luck chug that boy Three two one fuck yeah