Joe Rogan Experience #2128 — Joey Diaz Transcript

Transcript

0:00 The Joe Rogan Experience So it's like who fucking knows who knows what's real. That's what diddy's lawyers. I think said it was like that these are just take stuff, they were there to delete everything. They never end. East Coast West Coast shit that's still like in the zeitgeist Yeah, when Luke from to live crew is leaving early like you got a wild party

2:42 What are you gonna do? That's it. Like if you were an intelligence agent, get those cameras rolling. I admire people that do it. Yeah, that's next level. and cut it and wet it and get it down. I just don't wanna get high. Yeah? Sure enough. And the sleep mask. Oh, you had no idea They saw a fucking thing in my kidney. There's something wrong with the bottom of your lung.

6:31 Then he sent me for another one. Yeah? How come? Just, just. I'd do an avocado toast instead You know, I rather do avocado toast with an egg and a bowl of fruit. That's good. That's yeah You guys are put together a hell of a fucking time asked for a steak here eight people raised their hands Mexican food go to and sit in the corner by myself. What the fuck are all these people?

9:34 early riser with stand-up because even if you do an 8 o'clock show unless Right. Better than sex, and that's what I missed. and you know you get paid to say it and you get this great feeling that you did it So it's, it's super positive in like all ways. You hit him with some shit they didn't see coming you know what, I wish I could use that bit now. Right. That bit I did three years ago fits right in here

12:39 It was alive at midnight. Yeah fucking tons of people coming into Austin. I mean I was like, this have been assaulted or robbed. They basically empowered mental patients like well when you have guests come over you clean up your house like what what a Wild I mean for a New York City kid to look at you and go And they were open 24 hours right down the block from me.

15:13 Robin Williams came out of there. Margaret Cho. I did it. And I'm coming in fucking 12th every night because they don't know It was amazing. I went to see one of my mother's friends that Alfonso a l f o n s o Wow. All right, let's all screenshot this I'll come back to it later Oh, shit. Oh, okay, that's a 70. The 70, it's not quite as good looking,

19:26 It's really bad He's going to get out. I find the worst shit that I see on Instagram. The only fucking thing that amazes me about Instagram, I don't know what's going on. And let's see 18 plus. Yes, we are And I can't figure out what the fuck that's about Lincoln bio you go to Lincoln the bio and you go to some porn site or you go to some and they would be typing all the shit

23:42 if they're getting you with that, I don't have a problem. I don't believe the batting of anybody That's different. Then you're you're actually getting no, I'm not intelligent people like Bernie Madoff, right? I don't know how many people have been contacted and it's more than one account that's doing it in a way that an American would phrase things. So it seems a little obvious to me that it

26:37 Yeah If you send me a Facebook message and I click on something I don't click I don't touch good Yeah. between the two scams remains the same. The Spanish prisoner swindle centers around a there are people in this country, what was the number that we we go that of a iq is interesting, right? intelligence in terms of being able to see what the problems are in a certain

30:01 it really is dependent upon what is the mental horsepower you have and only indicator there's other factors that I think are much more intangible. They're much harder to and all the possibilities you had over there. That's show business. I didn't know I didn't know that fucking when I'd watch a movie I'm mad that he didn't open up. When I was six, she would put a fucking gold chain on me that belonged to a man and she'd make me put it out

33:04 She just did things, you know, like don't go let nobody touch your face like she was mean she just did things My I didn't know this I just spoke to somebody in my old neighborhood and we were talking about something kids are just at home playing video games oh it drives me fucking crazy when give him edibles those ABX edible uh- and tell him, put them in my milkshake.

35:03 In your life, you know, relationship decisions, business decisions, yeah make big decisions. You go, what the fuck? In your life, relationship decisions, business decisions, Their brain doesn't work good. I don't know if it's genetics. I believe in all that type of stuff, Joe. You know in the 70s and 60s in the black communities the Spanish communities Italian communities Italian communities. That's a way I hope yeah, your Sicilian grandmother wakes up one morning and says oh my god. I had a dream about peppers

37:05 Same thing the problem with everything else is that people lose their fucking minds Yeah, yeah, so those immigrants those people and dreams How much actually goes to the cause? organizations like there's foundations that are set up just as tax breaks all this money to charity, and we could fix a lot of things. And next thing you know, charitable organizations are a part of the propaganda machine.

40:26 I bumped into a nun once when I was going to Catholic school and she told me that when scammed off the top I'm not gonna lie to you because I would go to my mother's bar and I'd make them give me like ten bucks a mile good. Red Cross shows it's like 90% of the money goes to programs. Only 3.5% goes to 34% back in the fundraising. that actually goes to the cause.

43:25 It says kids wish network is number one. Right away you're like, oh, okay. firefighters foundation that's not... Right and they call themselves the Less than 1% went to the actual thing, direct cash aid. in Boulder and when I went to Seattle I I did it there. And then up in Seattle, I They just, they have to keep the He's like, everybody out! It's really crazy when I work for the cops

47:43 athletically I swear to God yeah everything shooting fishing in Central The reason why I learned how to do anything was because of the police athletic league. Yeah, right on there, in 88 in Amsterdam. you know, and you're like, ah. Bulletproof vests and all that shit and then we would do comedy at the benefits in Seattle Something happens. I'd rather see somebody give them a 20.

49:33 Cross is a legitimate charitable organization and it realizes that these people are going traveling towards the US border National Red Cross Societies to Migrants Traveling to Central America. The pamphlet also includes Does not seek to a courage or discourage migration but rather to contribute to migrating the vulnerability Something along those lines, yeah.

52:42 We're not flying and they started a riot at the airport. They were trying to deport him And they're like, you have to go, there's too many of you. Like, no, fuck you, we're not flying. And they started a riot at the airport. This is a full on Donnybrook at the airport. in mass, it's just massive amounts of migrants in Europe, When I got in San Francisco.

54:16 He kicked out 160,000 people. people are and why they're here. You know the the most troubling version is Grazing fucking sushi? And the weed is on fire up there in New Hampshire Not sure, brother. plants can I grow? Mainers can grow cannabis for personal use. That's hold holy shit and that's when I discovered rhythm because I was like No cell phones. We are abducted from China. Passports were confiscated. The boss is a

58:52 Let's see where this is gonna go it's fucking interesting That's what's scary. Everything's written in Chinese Chinese signs everywhere Homeland Security's warning about terrorist attacks right now I didn't know who the fuck was going to bail him out. It's all stock, I guess. It's a lot, a lot going on. I was supposed to have a job selling siding and doors and saddles and electrical equipment an indoor salesman in Jersey

1:02:50 You know he would go to people and say I'm gonna build this and then use your lumber or whatever the fuck Yeah. I remember hearing about this from you actually now you were telling me that there was with from that fucking guy. A building? Right, you got 20 people in your fucking building, right? Yeah, just you just get paid concrete. Yeah, they own concrete

1:05:33 Because taxes was what brought a lot of them down. Just are you kidding me every job in New York? He goes take the dumpster But it was always a corrupt town. You got to grease 80 fucking people. insane. Can't get a license in New Jersey. That is kind of crazy, but they should do Thank God the guy was Cuban. He's like, wow. Yeah, and I asked him how do you know about this stuff because in Cuba were growing wheat

1:09:26 Well, it makes sense. Like, what if we didn't do that? no rich people. no place better than right here. The state gets to decide and how do they enforce that there's only one way force military really good countries. They have really good health care, really good education, The problem is people want a quality of outcome when they They get more out of it and they're inspiring to other people to do the same.

1:12:58 Yeah. That, listen, you could, you could fall into place in this country or you don't need a ceiling over your I sell cars. You know and it took me a while, but I fucking went you know right and then when I started selling cars again when my mother died, I don't give a fuck. happiness yeah that's the other option you have in this country you can Fuck, that's me.

1:16:17 They cut us off. We don't know what the fuck happened. Right? I rather not get anything they don't build ways not to come back people are living it up during covid dug living it up unemployment this that we still had to go out Where else can a felon with two strikes? You need something to get you out of that. and 25 to MC. That's no money but you fall in love with what

1:19:22 come to visit you and Jack that's bullshit life man yeah there's so much out there Joe there's so fucking and now I could I'll send it to you. Thank you, sir. Seven charges total. Saturday. And if you take that, you'll shoot a lot better and hopefully you'll They said they're tenants. They move in they take over they have it now. Is that everywhere now?

1:22:36 not for you, there's a big difference between tenants and squatters. And they'll put him in jail. You've made a giant mess. room you come back you're just gonna greet me with nice eyes and say I don't and there's men in there. It seems like the only way to really change is the law. That should be simple. to me. I just don't understand almost like it's on purpose like it's meant to keep things chaotic keep us

1:26:00 considerably as things got more woke. Because I think as things get more woke because I think as things get more woke the guy and Dustin, I go everybody's betting this fucking soldier so I just took a chance to watch the fights it's not like You know Okay, Chris Wiedman's fighting. Yeah gonna be fucking wild. That's a wild one. That like maybe he only like sacrifices his knees during training. And then when he's not training

1:30:14 fighter so this was a big one this is Robert Whitaker with plenty of time to everything too so this is him going through the tournament is that what this Got him on like a trip. Gotta love man. Yeah, it's just crazy that he stayed on top of this guy. Then he got his back Look at that. Like a bow and arrow? Yeah. Yeah. Hodge Gracie? Three months ago he was down here. With Hensel School?

1:33:18 Jiu Jitsu is so much like comedy. It's second nature. And it's like with this art, Jiu-Jitsu, you get in there, you get beat up for a year. That's a thing of beauty. shit. I can't. But I wish because that's how you get better at all this shit is by getting I'm gonna blow his info tonight in that fucking green room. Yeah, you're gonna shit out those little town. Oh Jesus

1:35:51 Have you seen that? They don't feel full. People want to feel to feel full And so this bag you swallow this thing Let's like go Zempik now. Did you hear what I was talking about last night on stage? You and watch yourself just a little tiny bit. You know all these get rich squeak schemes important for like bone density. For dog, that's Sarko-Pinje, you lose it quick.

1:38:53 Essentially it's doing something very similar Yeah. You get satisfied way easier. yeah, that's like a carb crash. You're getting like an insulin crash in the middle of your day because you're eating carbs and sweets I could probably blast fucking three eggs in a yeah, then have eggs scrambled eggs Not bad. blueberries are great she said makes you smarter I'm eating blueberry yes watch

1:41:29 Fucking blueberries for a month and the thing about that though is you have to look at like healthy I don't know how they did the study. He was wrecked. blueberry smoothie. Get the party rolling. I do them all the time. Open up water, blueberries, like shit, then I'm ready to attack 20 fucking people. The first 15 minutes. I feel like shit that I'm ready to attack 20 fucking people

1:44:16 No, Tommy jr. He he was just exhaustion. You know, not in the best of like, lifting To that, that cold when you come out. Yeah, the only thing that that's wet. Yeah. got every shovel full is 45 pounds. It's fucking hard shoveling whole snowmass village every time people go skiing I know when they were leaving were there? Did you ever see him? Yeah. At Woody Creek. Did

1:48:36 No shit. Yep, still open. looked like fucking a barn. Yeah? 83. I had a friend Kato, Keith Korn was his name and And Don Johnson. a year later, the first movie came out. And that was fucking mind blowing. And I would not go up there. Yeah. where you from, all from there. You know? And the first time it was Don Henley and I up there every fucking year or something.

1:52:08 Then like a month later go to conical in all the fucking time wow Sidney Portier used to come into the video store I was down Galena Street. a different thing. On the way out of Aspen when you made that turn out before And I asked I remember the first month I come home and yell at my roommates. What the fuck did you do to me? to get his Olympic weights and speakers.

1:54:59 he'd call me a date when he was leaving. But I was planning on robbing this bookmaker for a ton of dough. So I told him just leave and I'll get a plane ticket. I took just, I was 18, I had no family, nothing going on and nothing to lose. My cousin was up there. It was perfect for what I was just coming out of I lost my mother two years earlier And one day they came to me with a letter, Joe, and they're like, listen, you got too

1:57:51 Where's your high school transfer? I'll whip one up in a second. I didn't know how I kept lying for them They're coming they're coming and then finally I got arrested Colorado, and then I got thrown in prison. I mean, you could have had fake paperwork easy back then. Can I have one thing for myself that's... Right. You don't have a direction that you feel like you should be going in you feel so lost and you can get sucked into all kinds

2:00:02 had a couple people that were trying to help me out. It taught you how to watch other comics and be happy for them Just somebody who can contribute to society. Twenty-seven years I did that shit for I did more when I was clean in 10 years than I did Being proud of yourself. I never had, you know, my mother had her life and I had my life. You didn't become stale, you didn't sit on your fucking ass.

2:03:04 We challenge it. Handouts don't work Joe. Yeah, especially we don't have anything. Yeah, what's all the sudden you have? You're never going to get out of it unless a chunk comes into your life. That's a lot of money, man. And then they're saddled down with debt for the rest of their fucking life How am I gonna pay this money off? Well, you're not. You're not. You're never going to.

2:06:22 Yeah. Yeah, it's one of those days on you. You can get married and who knows how many what is the number? Between you and I, I didn't know what credit was. you don't know. Your limit's still stuck. and now you have to go to a casino to have the fucking pit boss That's tear-hot, Indiana So you had to buy? to see ads like the one above, Wow. They would just send the penny, you get 12.

2:10:42 or BMG CDs was actually much lower than So they didn't get paid for those. the company charged high amounts to consumers but they also kept most of the profits on the album sold. For your money. Joey do them in the 90s. I've been in the 70s Great fucking song. The king has returned to the top of the pro That's Don Aron, right? They have the new commercial with a bunch of black people, Mexicans in a bar, jumping

2:16:17 Caroline. It drives me fucking crazy. Oh my God. He does that, he sings that one too. Yeah. and fury recover to cover yeah motherfucker They want to see the post fight speech, but most people are headed to the fucking He's just beat Tiago Silva in in Yeah that guy video. He's he shoots and they're in the scramble and he You see 239, I don't know why it doesn't say the date.

2:20:07 Yoel is, I think he's at least 46. He turns 47 at the end of April. He looks fucking great. So that's essentially a career ender. that's a guy who can recover. in all of professional sports. even though Sugar Sean put on a clinic this is how you're gonna use this to make your living and feed your family. You have a wife and kids and you're going to depend

2:23:10 So he like, he couldn't even wrestle. He's a dangerous cat. Charles Olivera gets cut. Number one and number two up until the Ilya Tuporiya fight number one and number two in most people's eyes up until the second guy in your division just knocked you unconscious and now he has your belt and he's 10 He gets head kicked in the first round by Jai Herbert is a nasty stand-up fighter

2:26:19 He's driven. He's he's got that kind of confidence that those championship guys have where they So he wanted to go up and fight Islam Makachev at 155. And then Wow, he pieced Josh Emmett up. He beat his ass. He's just so And so that's how he fights. He gets hits with a with a switch high kick off the left leg, right to the face, man. I mean, like this, like,

2:29:04 standing up Jai Herbert could have caught him with a bunch of other shots tall 55 and you can see by his movement like very skillful striker very dangerous and long gets hit with this left of the body. Look at him breathe out. See his mouth fill up? That's like, ooooooooooooo punch and then a perfect right hand behind it so He looks awesome. I don't know.

2:31:18 No reefer. It's the same reason why it's so good for pool. It's got to be so good for basketball puts you in that zone Isn't it crazy? The only thing I don't do reefers road And you're like, what the fuck? Cold plunges and saunas. He's at the top of his fucking game. LeBron diet, LeBron James diet reveals he eats like shit, but trains. Well, I don't know what this are. He eats a lot of candy, but as

2:34:13 It says that he appears to have lost 10 to 12 pounds instead of that photo. So yeah, you see that he goes to the basket, you're not stopping him. It's unreal how quick he is. You're If you took Muhammad Ali from 1967 and brought him to the heavyweight division today Massive. Everything has evolved a lot. series, and this is my first time watching him and I was like Jesus Christ man

2:37:40 fighting at a world class level. Brad Tavares. Yeah. You to fuck out. Oh, Brad He's like yo L back in the day think he enjoys teaching. I think running the gym was the real problem. A lot of work, man. I think he enjoys teaching. I think running the gym was the real problem. It's a lot of work, man. In the business you have to be that. You know, you could pull it off.

2:40:02 Yeah. Henzel, all those black belts, the silver fox, They're all great, they're all great. Yeah, he's great. But it just it's it's a never-ending door and then they keep going. This is the end of the fight when he's fucking him. Holy shit And just look like he was having fun in there and this kid's 25 years old, right? What a fucking hard career. Are right oh it's the hardest ball last night that Tuesday night some kid came up to me with a

2:43:35 Obviously over time and Miss Patrick studies I'm out there to be a world fighter. You're not going in there to fucking tap the blue belt or the purple belt. You're running there to defend yourself But I go and some days you get a good fucking role and some days you get beat up I fucked with all of them. great. There's a 67-year-old, he's nasty, Joe. That's awesome. But he's a black belt

2:46:33 to do don't you think those things are good for your brain That's right. You put the chest one on you know, and I see the people that are getting hurt Yeah, you just just to keep the dust off it, but it's not good. Yeah, it's not good enough at all I write a lot more. I noticed that this last job is giving away jokes. I All the time. Yeah, they're gonna be doing comedy, but not like you're doing it down here

2:49:03 He was on the core crew and the workout the workout crew. He's one of the course. He's always there This is what I want you to do. Just this is how you throw a left hand And you're going to do it for 20 seconds at a pretty fast clip. You know, but that all goes with being a good comic I stop put your phone down get in the water or the days that I realized I'm doing that I could stop put your phone down get in the water

2:51:33 get that really physically difficult thing done early. And And in my mind, I was like, you work out basically every day, like take a day off, pussy. I need to do something. And I hit the crib again. I got up at fucking eight to call my daughter It looks completely different than what I am. Okay, let's go. motherfucker gave me yellow fin tacos right because you're not supposed to eat

2:53:59 She ordered short rib over gnocchi with a garlic sauce, I called him and he goes, They got this fucking they make Sunday sauce 33 Well, that was always a I don't have time. Yeah, I don't know how to make it and the people you know, they make it but You eat this meatball your heart will stop. cranking the pasta through the machine. Look at that at that good lord how's a person supposed to eat well and

2:57:14 I go the refried beans look like they were made from you know, like a powder like not a mashed potato Yeah. Yeah, it's been beautiful having you down here, too everybody's in there so yeah it's great it's a great thing and it's family you Yeah, 12 million. Holy shit six, but yeah, you took it right after we ate you're like, you know The people that don't get it will not get that because they haven't experienced it, but we're lucky to cheer for each other

3:00:56 it's a great town now I love you poppin I love you like a motherfucker I miss you Love you. Bye, everybody.