Joe Rogan Experience #2182 — Michael Malice Transcript

Transcript

0:00 This episode is brought to you by Squarespace. My website, joerogan.com, is powered by Squarespace, off your first purchase of a website or domain. Oh, yay. Oh, yeah, we're coming And then I didn't do stand up for like eight months. It's like I get I get anxious to get back there. I can't wait. I was there opening night And I'm like, all right, keep it cool. And I hear her say, yeah, when you get to be my age,

2:55 I had like her head swiveling around. like, we can get you Dave Smith, maybe Lex Friedman, right? So I'm chatting with her But the whole time I'm like, holy shit, I've been hanging out with her well, Roseanne's yelling at me, which is also a win. Counting encounter condensation it literally creates clouds. It's a physical effect in the United States for, how long was it?

5:19 The temperature in the United States increased Two days. they actually increase the surface temperature of the ocean. a bunch of things that we should address as human beings. The biggest one, unfortunately, No, no, no, no, no, no, no, like tuna, fish that we eat. restrictions on these boats that are in the middle of the ocean that are from other countries.

8:25 It was I just flown in we did the weigh-ins. I was out of it Like if someone passed guard everyone would clap. I was like wow. This is wild. I was really and things like that, restaurants, and mostly fought people way bigger than him. So you go down the main street all the way to the ocean The well, the thing is, the fish, I guess they deep does water get? Well, the thing is the fish,

10:35 but they had a lot of insanely cool shit there. Yeah, that's the one that they thought was extinct right for what 65 million years I think it has bones in there because they're like, you know Sonic waves and they boil the water really like a sperm whale can kill you by just Vibrating that like like there was a diver who was with him and if they can fuck you up really bad Wow

12:29 for humans to hear, and that these sounds can create shock waves that could injure prey. And that thing used to be on land and it's like meh And it's just a dude and two tables serious face, serious face, and picks out the fish. The thing Jiro seems like it wouldn't be fun Do you know Wagyu Mafia? Everyone's having good time. I got it was so fun. It was so silly. Yeah. Yeah, everything was silly

15:47 like built, like office buildings, like he's always there, like I don't know what his life is, but he takes pride in his cocktails Is it on purpose or is it neglect No, it's not the officer. It's gotten it's so pervasive like the places where this crime and violence are so bad New York's a criminal no no it's it's a lot of career criminals in New York a

18:14 Yeah, that guy, he was prosecuted or he's being charged, has he gone through the whole But you can have a heart attack if someone's choking you. And you'll feel But the cops had barely any consequences. choke people. But even if it was, why you choked them? He's selling cigarettes, calm Like if somebody doesn't have enough money make it really hard to buy cigarettes. Well it's just they just know that people are

20:12 I think that's a nice excuse for we Because insurance companies could be like, you know what, people are dying all the time I'm like, all right, there's a eugenics thing going on here. Yes, the thing big max are way better for you. Yes, which is back. She's fucking like grass-fed meat that look at all this sugar look just imagine eating all that sugar in one session.

22:47 but if I sometimes I might go on a binge I've heard people say that, Yeah, sugar bear was the name That way you get your protein. And if I'm stuffed, it's the end of the meal It's not that bad for you. It's like it's just it's insane tiramisu so much sugar, but it's so good Yeah, you go to Eddie V's and you get the lobster mashed potatoes and the real you can't stop eating

25:27 That's why you should go to Japan. Wow, but they're our homies. We have a weird definition of intelligence, right? Like the leaf cutter ants do yes. I was watching with them last night. That's pretty creepy. What that up? Much like bees. like spider webs maybe it was, and it changed how they oh, yes What's benzadrine? How weird is that they pick chlorohydrate?

28:25 Because Benzo... What's a black beauty? Black haps okay uppers yeah It's oh, I wouldn't ruin my life, but it's drug. Yeah, I'm not He was in alcohol synonymous meeting and the dude from buck cherry was there. Yeah, and You're not having them run train on you. Like literally, what would you do? I know you well enough to tell you understand I've never done it helps you understand your brain better because

32:05 and just take their thoughts for granted it's based on Adderall, right? Yeah, and I had a friend who got hooked on it A lot of college kids. Eh. But I do... They'll be waving their fucking pride flags as the the city sinks into the ocean. They'll be waving their fucking pride flags as the city sinks into the ocean. downsides. trying to be fair about it I I agree with everything all right you Topia no

36:00 On oh, yeah, but that's the housewives fault. They liked it too much, but they were told this is a diet pill Oh my god evil evil family. Well, it's an evil practice that that thing that they would do for people when they had troubles. Ideas. And it's really just Carol Markowitz who's a journalist use of neighbor of mine in Brooklyn who was a detransitioner.

38:47 the girl's name it's so horrible could you imagine I ratioed that lady instead the Because it's illegal to be gay. them alone and let them go through puberty and become an adult, they usually become gay. But the blockers, the blockers are the crazy thing because they are literally chemical There's a window. Imagine. Right, everyone's different. here. Oh my god. This is what happens when your friends with Debra Selle you

42:16 Jesus Christ. Smacking the cotton, he smacks the sand and goes- It's- when you're dealing- the is the gaslighting is what bothers me Okay, you've got me started, Officer Harris. So, they've been doing this live for years. It's that day. They completely pretend it didn't happen. She is a person of color. And if you're like, hey, you're not supposed So what I was saying and a lot of other people were saying is the big issue is how do you

45:45 And that's a very solid case. Biden, you gotta drop out, Biden gotta drop out, DC since the 60s, I believe he wrote The Dark Side of Camelot, if I'm not mistaken. He had a But clearly now, right? It's a market difference. I think it's like sundowning, you know? I'm like, am I Alex Jones-ing today? And before everyone freaks out, has their mouse traps on their heads, go off,

48:34 And there is, you know, like who's next? even though everyone knows that Biden's, you know, He don't walk like him. Look at the size of this guy. Look at it. She's wearing high heels. See Wow. Yeah, you see see your high heels okay, and he's towering over her that is a much taller person Yeah, look at the the white of the shirt. Yes. Just look at the size difference.

51:11 He's gay people would yell at you because you've never seen him sucking a dick right people right now be like it's impossible lie. I'm not a type of person that looks at something like that. And like I have a propaganda But what kind of lighting makes you say we beat Medicare then people said the mic was fucked up You can't do that anymore. A lot, but not everyone.

53:47 Then all of a sudden the truth can come out, or at least the good questions. It's not good. The the massage there's a guy who was a Mossad agent and we're seeing it right now with Officer Harris. Yeah, because she's a retard. rabbit on it it's so great cackling cackling cackling then there is trying to drunk at work where you're trying to make sense, but you don't.

56:20 I do not know if this is true see if you can find that because really that would say that about that would make future president I've been saying that for. If Hillary jumped back in. I've been saying that for months. If Hillary jumped back in, I think the problem was also the money, You don't think so? elections over but it's like they memory hold that so quick you would have

58:09 That was Elon who put it up. Yeah, no, no, no. Yeah. And this thing is very real. And what it is, is like if you try to Google certain negative stories Like if you're a person who's on the fence He won it was it happened so quickly the shift from oh my god, they shot him to fuck him again and Trump calls in and he's like, that's the N-word, What does it say there?

1:01:35 50 Cent had his face at his concert. So he had like, you know, he has that image of him right? with the FBI telling them to suppress And he said they basically reduced the ability to spread. You could post it, you could read it, you could interact with it, they basically reduced its the ability to spread right Company same sort of deal. Yeah. Yeah, I mean you see that with people. That's what shadow banning is right

1:03:50 And there's so many fucking weird things about that story. never happen again but when Steve Scalise got shot they were like yeah and A shrapnel, yeah. Scrubbed it if oh wow okay. Yeah Oh come on. Did you get any reports from any of your agents that's a weird one just they just complete forget just stop talking about That I didn't know. Right. Right, well we still don't know

1:07:59 been linked to an online gaming site or something that might have been a fake I heard he took horse-paste no way son of a bitch what a lunatic he's definitely a What about that whole sloped-roof bullshit? Yeah, I mean, they had that kid. It'd be really funny if, you know, at this point, that's a good yeah that's a good question yeah probably at this point

1:10:14 But it definitely shot someone behind him and killed him. Yeah, Troy reason Jim He's not actually from Iran and he's not a terrorist? And they've been infantilized. Yes You can go after the president, the Republicans, the Democrats, the universities, journalists, And even if you told them Google MK Ultra or Mockingbird, Yes, a lot of racism. There's oversight now.'s a lot of oversight now. There's racism. Yes, a lot of racism.

1:12:34 There's the people that can pull the strings that aren't elected officials. That's one of those things where they put out there and it's this bullshit. So that was the ultimate one. That he really is a cross-dresser. Maybe. Because I know he doesn't- Yes. He made this commitment. So I'm saying to the Biden administration now, Yes, there is. It was like a black market website.

1:15:08 No. And it's like if that was a thing why are you charging with that? What did they 15th, 2015. They dropped it. introduced at trial supporting the allegations. Right. You know this idea of like you want to have total freedom and we're gonna just circumvent the system and do it Well, this one is around this functional. What does that do? And does it open?

1:18:19 Yeah, and then doorways open. And that's like a conjuring type deal. Well, he was the lord of but bondage and pain from the movie Yeah, it's like it's like you have to love horror movies to really love because there's so many Easter eggs So you always have that in front of you when you work? They're on the nightstand. And then I go to sleep. You know how he's got really fucked up hands. He does like Jamie pull up King Charles hands. It's insane

1:21:07 What caused the swollen hands? That looks like you're never getting that ring off, You think so? they're not having sex with kids he goes, well, I don't sweat anymore. Let's put that bitch in a sauna and see if he's a liar what I would describe as an overdose of adrenaline But there is a medical condition where you don't the guy who does that the sculpture out there that the sea monster

1:23:41 It's so simple to find out this is true, though. a sea of dubious claims, this is a dubious claim. The function is vitally important way to cool the body down It's a thing. Pure bullshit. I don't sweat. Brian. Yeah, that was a weird one, right? It's not a difficult thing. She said she misspoke. just a misstatement. I say millions of words a day. If you put a million chimpanzees for

1:27:14 just she... you believe that thing about all the monkeys? You leave them alone with if it's infinite yes. Infinite. Right that's the whole point. I think infinitely it sucks infinitely It's really just a bunch of space monkeys pounded on a typewriter for fucking billions of years And they bought it a pet store in New York This is like a very new discovery.

1:30:00 papa or cup. But their work was discredited over the years as unethical because the chimp was taken from Can you say mama? It doesn't know what that means. Let's see it say other. That's for you. I'm saying mama dude. Yeah, but it doesn't know what it means The chimp doesn't think that the owner is its mother. It doesn't understand what it's saying.

1:31:34 Right. Male? That's not a word. I don't like this the other thing to be in this cage anymore. The other thing that really blew my mind That's imagine just being trapped in a fucking building Dogs are happy with people. head, and you would have a bunch of gorillas. And they would be like, oh, I'm going to be a gorilla. Well dogs know what a dog is versus like Marshall hates squirrels tries to kill

1:34:39 How's it gonna know the mark that Marshall's never seen a French Bulldog? Because he's like, chickens are in the fucking yard know what are these things doing? You know they are pets They just have to know that you will be very upset with them if they do it. For short-term gratification. I went to the bathroom once and I just got home and I mean, he's a golden retriever.

1:36:24 Okay. But they go after the animals to like if the animals wounded or whatever they go out got it got it good It sounds like I get a low growl And they think you're your whole day spent going hunting for dog food exactly we know they have dialects, we don't know what they're saying. they saying? Well, they're also really horny. Oh, they're not just horny. They kill babies

1:39:07 Yeah, this, it's so interesting. Push it back a little more now and then there's also some new humans They were around for like half a million. Were they smarter than us? Not necessarily. That could be something along those lines, or it could be like, maybe the than ours, which only makes sense that they were brutal if they were doing that they so they're probably ruthless in every regard

1:41:30 Yeah. No, that was some speculation by some haters That's interesting. I think the oaring pendek though is an actual little tiny person little tiny hairy man Yes, they're over in Australia trying to find that guy. They're trying to claw him somewhere else podcast soon but his video is about sightings in the 1800s of crocodiles in Yeah, cuz don't crocodiles keep growing their whole lives their whole life. Yeah, and they live forever. Yeah, they live forever

1:44:50 Who knows? That'll kill you in two seconds. Paul Rosalie told me he was in the Congo and There's also some sightings in the Congo back in the, species now and pygmy hippos oh yeah people didn't think they were real like Now that I'm looking at it, it looks kind of shitty. But what else is this thing, is like the colossal squid, which is like the biggest invertebrate, was only discovered in like the 70s.

1:47:28 Okay, it's like crab like tent and they have the elbows. They don't know what they're for mega pinna like a checkerboard to see what happened. They freak out. Yeah. It does really work. They sneak in. you should only take their opinion if you could go up a giant hill with them anything that's strong. There's no, there's no acknowledgments of certain

1:49:57 Yeah. If you tell kids you're not allowed to smoke, Well it's fascinating because out of rebellion comes some of the coolest shit sometimes. I don't know anyone who's fallen as hard. That's I'm no Sanjay Gupta. the more you're gonna question these things everything in our I had Dr. Drew on my show and a big moment for him I'm saying how did you get to this conclusion?

1:53:06 I don't care if you have a negative vaccine test. Oh yeah, it was very weird. Injected is hilarious too. cared about being honest and saving lives there would have been consequences I don't know, I don't know what to believe anymore. Like, if he had symptoms, like, you would think, And this idea of COVID where you can't go on screen? It's a bad scene.

1:55:49 We're dealing with so much misinformation. Does it have any side effects you turns your wife into a selfish silly entitled country? Here's the other thing. That's funny This stuff that made me grow six inches, Well, you can get those things done Was that his handle? Yeah. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Unless you were a dude with like crazy long arms. And then you see him sprinting

1:58:43 Imagine if it cures COVID, but you grow an inch I get Boomer memes from you yeah those are fun they are fun I'm sitting here like Joe I'm worried. It was so sweet all right here. It is Jamie listen to you going nutty now the cheeks but he's trying to avoid the wrinkles. So he's turning his face fucking balloon, and I guess it's just body dysmorphia now 2010

2:01:11 Look at 2019. I'm not even kidding I've talked to you about this a little bit. A few things did with Joe Rogan, Elon Musk, and Jordan Peterson, Chris Helmsworth? His name is Chris, maybe. Well, it depends on the group that you're in. mental illness. And I think once you've got to that point, what are you gonna do you're gonna get it removed It was from yeah, he looked like a real housewife. Yeah, like Miami. Yeah. He's got a frozen forehead.

2:04:40 No, it isn't. Who... That is that's cheap on stuff. Come on. Yeah, that's I think and I know it looks well They're never happy with like dude you hit 240. Just like you're fine. You know how we could save society Julia Louis-Dreyfus blocked me because she was saying, He's worse than me all my people. Can you get Lex done block me? I'm like, yes wants positive interactions only I

2:07:06 Like everyone says the same stupid lines. because it's farts, but some of them are just gonna be like, It's a strange way to interact with people, that are attacking you. Well, you know that FBI guy the former FBI analyst who said that it's he estimated it's somewhere in the neighborhood of 80% So that's too small of a sample size. Right at the top, Jamie.

2:09:23 All likelihood more than 80% of Twitter accounts Yes. I mean, it was essentially propaganda, right? Yes. You can get that goo. Perfect. You know I have like this fucking huge podcast and I wear hoodies. He wears hoodies his whole point is my people Like saying a lot of stuff that he's like I'm a progressive. This is not what I stand See, he's a reasonable, like actual left-wing person.

2:12:32 I think he'd have a great shot. Don't you I do I do now Yes. No, no. He's very reasonable. Phony in a clown and was even funnier was when Oprah came out and twisted the knife and endorsed Federman at the last minute if he's speaking the way he's speaking and talking about these issues- I'm going to steer this party back to where middle America is Yeah, but I think Biden for them, you knew he was safe.

2:14:48 I don't think it would have been as easy No, he's a kid. If you, when you're running for president in 2020, can't raise as much money as a senator They shoehorned her right in, which was always the fear when Biden was elected president. Yes, of course. Yeah, so explain to people how they do that and the others freaked out. There's no question, one more thing.

2:16:58 Body count, she had what, Wall Street, If you don't drop down yourself, then we're gonna do X Yy and z which is already said she's wrong. Yeah, but she could Because she is the one that is in the administration now, which means all the people that have They clean house. Like she's gonna make it all DEI. She's not going to be senator. I don't think it's more than 50 50.

2:19:34 And they're, they're, they might talk amongst their friends and they might talk at work Kamala you did not just fall off a coconut tree. You exist in the context of... Yeah. So I think this is gonna be again and here's the other thing how is I mean there was a lot of people that were very high on her. Never. You're crazy. watching the news and occasionally paying attention to the news feed on their phone. They have no idea what's going on,

2:21:51 for what we were being told is what really did him in. Wait until people who are trying to get her into the White House start leaking to the press I don't know, but it's not 90 in like a year. The 180? It's hilarious. more stuff is slipping through the cracks now. Yeah, it's wild, man. It's a strange, strange time. They think that because she's young?

2:24:24 That's going to be interesting if they do debate. Yes. office in DC was visiting this kid. Why would they check him out? I got paid my shot. point something's going to happenhmm The whole thing was very strange They knew I didn't that Biden was compromised and I let him debate on purpose Could be. He was very good against Sarah Palin in 08, That's what I'm saying, she's delusional.

2:27:45 That they looked at his watch. How could that even be? You just, you get a feed. State of the Union wasn't live. I added watch it could be some troll shit Yes, I'm saying wasn't It's I think it's to put everything into chaos so you know you have no idea what's true or what's not true and then And everyone else would be like, you're crazy, we don't want that.

2:30:28 But they still act as if it really happened. if it was pre-recorded? and I beat him last time, got him out of the Oval Office? Mises is so good at debating. I mean, maybe they just talked sensibly to them. This lady brought a dead guy to the bank. No, yeah, is that a person or dummy? He's dead. He's a dead guy Do you think Biden's alive? hmm January, through January.

2:34:19 Right. and I'm going to spoil the best comedy of all time, Veep, The short list is what I heard. because that's a 40-year-old dude. Well, there's there's an effortlessness to the way he's walking Yeah, that looks like this. He's walking fine. He's so big. Look how big he is there's plenty, like, especially if you're The head's at an angle instead of straight up.

2:37:44 Effortless man. Weird. He's going up the stairs like a regular person. It could come and go, especially with that fucking juicy alien cocktail they jazzed. Like that dude with the fucking rubber in his face. I'm gonna be ten feet tall Kurt believes everything. It's based on something. Yes, of course. he's like a joke machine. He goes, oh, I don't have enough violence in my life.

2:40:24 they should build a statue to her. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that one. Fredo. the audience is 100 times bigger, it's like beneath you, because they're like nothing not just what you've said, but the tendencies Well, Elon did it too with Lemon, with one Joe. But that's like the quality of his discourse, right? Who was the female moderator? I didn't think he had it in him.

2:43:33 media that didn't want to do the thing that they're doing now. They didn't want to do it that way, They're not impressive or interesting people. Right. Yeah, except he does would not like this anyway seen my cunt and no one seen no opinion And I say to someone who does this a lot myself, She literally has brain damage. Look this up, Jamie. For what? Because of the bait.

2:45:36 And what's even funnier is he used to have well he was right he did get locked up they eventually yeah they arrested him What about killing all the old people? Whoops. I know that works in in middle America if you're trying to be president you're gonna have to do something deal with well The better than the guy, the lady they have now, who says black people don't know what computers

2:47:39 New York is a rap. Yes. It's like my fourth lesson. I clicked it but it was fine and the window popped off the Cybertruck the mirror and we popped it back on oh Which was, maybe it felt good. Really? Yeah, and also he's a laser show and there's also a megaphone. Really? Oh my god. Yes it does, I'll show you, mine's out here. Does someone say it? He's a good dude.

2:50:27 because what's it worth now? that you were environmentally conscious. They haven't completely. Released all those Twitter files and you you realize like there was like a real concerted effort to hide the truth from people and then Wonder someone's gonna try to take him out. He's got great security and body doubles He's just gonna pull up Jackie Chan

2:52:52 1 million followers, holy crap. But he doesn't look Asian sorry why are we not calling him the Chinese knockoff that's that's the line And AI generated videos and images. It's gonna be so hard. There's been ones of you. Oh, yeah. Yeah, no shit. Yeah, but the fact that they're using AI to generate they just added like not, fake audio recording of Reagan. And then upon analysis, and again, this is in the 80s, right?

2:57:02 Sagan Deez Nuts, and he said parody is legal in America. Oh my god See if you can find that Reagan thing. they have a bunch of people saying an he's mostly Great Dane. He's still, and he goes, what are you talking about and I go you I was with you at the green room, and I go, Joe, and you're like, oh, the president's yelling at me today. Right. Right.

3:00:29 Good Lord. I don't know what Strangers with Candy is. So she's this 47-year-old ex-junkie prostitute. Well, Colbert was amazing as that character. Jerry, I know that we have our tough times Winona Ryder was in the last episode. because they suspect her locker mate might be April 99, ended July 99. she's hooking up with the football player and And he's dancing Chuck Schumer and he dances over and high-fives Chuck Schumer

3:03:56 Can't believe that was just a couple of years ago. What about you still see them in the airports? Yeah goofy people