Joe Rogan Experience #2188 — Adam Ray Transcript

Transcript

0:00 This episode is brought to you by ZipRecruiter. The world is a big place and it's filled with all different kinds of people. Four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. You can cook up same game parlays on any MLB or soccer game My pleasure. Isolating the room he was amazing he was amazing he seeing him at the Comedy Store

2:37 He was amazing. Yeah, fucking all right help a buddy out and then you have no idea what it was It's just a story of persistence and getting what I keep telling you on commerce he knows how to work the panel. crazy yeah the pops that everybody got like all the surprises oh my god when He said something about like I played I was on quail oh Yeah, and you know, I know dr. Phil no, no, he's been on the podcast. I'm good friends with his son. Yeah, so

5:49 This guy is doing a comedic version of him Yeah, the ball cap, yeah. Like busting chops, like that's why it makes sense He was just like, well maybe you need to look in the mirror Right, right, right. And making him, I'm not defaming him either. to come on my show, which would break the internet, Right here. Hey, Doc. So when he comes on, I'm like, dude, it'll break the internet when,

8:14 And you know though isn't it though a great other time it was Tucker Carlson. Oh I saw that. Wait that was impromptu? Totally I think we went to dinner do we go there yeah we're going to dinner and then after Yeah, come on. Let's go stage, and he just went with it went 100% went with it sat down had great fucking time Or, yeah, dude, that's another part of the show too, where it's like there's now been

11:30 It's the best lighthearted shitting on people No, no, no, they love each other. Had you ever seen you watch? So in my head, I'm like, this'll be fun. to whatever, but I know that Shane's down to play. and I did the face a few times and he started laughing. because it was like I can't believe we're doing this for two hours. I mean, yeah dude. Schultz flew in nothing from vacay just to like be there for that now he was

13:51 Do you, after all years of doing this, trying to have fun and just go out there and be silly people are looking for that This fucking scolding, shrill fucking stupidity I'm getting more and more just cognitive of like, just jokes. you went to a club, you know, if you like the guy, So there's pros and cons. I don't even know. Oh, I thought he was gonna quit.

16:51 shit about Condoleezza Rice like wanting to rape her or something fucking awful Sure. There's a thing that people do. And they just watch a show. Tweeted it and I retweeted I was like this is crazy. I just want you to see it and he's not really sure how to go after Vice President I know you guys are objective over there that you just report the news as it is.

19:21 How crazy is that? straightforward journalists and been beyond reproach and probably got away more than that, that wanna stay like, you know, I like this show you ever seen was no attacks it was a wonderful conversation whoopie I love your hair The joy can't wait to get a hug in. Yeah, everyone's hugging. Now watch this. Okay, you're a Republican, but let's say that you do decide in the spring, right?

23:15 Getting lapsed right away. they're making all our product, How about the Arab League? now. The audience cheers. Yeah. When we have France, France leading the charge I'm going to make a decision sometime prior to June. Let's call it hundreds of billions of dollars of profit on us. We have 25,000 We're not gonna have a country. Just he's very poised. He's listening. He's like yeah the 180. Yeah

26:06 Yeah, you know he was like a damn. He was a Democrat. I think yeah like 2000 and something Accusation, it's a Trump accusation. drew Hillary Clinton to his wedding. Gaslighting they did to turn Trump into a monster now This is a woman said, Barbara Rez, the Trump organization's This is what I was trying to say when everybody got mad at me when I said what I liked about JFK, Jr

29:00 They locked one in I think September 10th. What is that that going to be like when she's off-grid, off-paper? like nobody has risen to the level of his, say something, why don't you say it to my face? That's where she has some issues. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I think people lock up But if she just does a Biden impression, goes, you're a sucker. Because as the saying goes, if you've got something to say, Say it to my face.

31:55 That alone, like she, that is very. She had the big moment and she crushed it. like out of nerves, it seems like. she was gonna be able to do that. There's people that magic there's key people how to David Lucas gets hired to give her like some one-liners listen And it also is like sometimes what kind of just pushes things over the top 100% planned out thing. Yeah 100% and well executed. Yeah, like she fucking nailed it. Yeah

34:51 Well, that's a bit of a problems and she does repeat the same speeches over and over and over again in these speeches It was hilarious, it was like he was a comic, You want them if they're out in public you go exactly right listen to this motherfucker talk oh let me just get a speech when he that gives us less money to do it with. I see people in my state, middle class people,

37:44 the national debt is not the only cause of that. It is because America Not just people saying, I'm going to go fix it, but what are we going to do? You're saying this type of guy scandals that guy if you could go back in a time machine and grab that Bill Clinton and run but she goes, and she made jokes about like, We'll clean up every dress and mess. I don't know

39:57 someone who grew up during that time when he was a movie star yeah it's like on that script and focus, everything else, November, December, no president, no president. I mean everybody. Oh, Trump and LeBron don't spend the same amount of money on their bodies? Even running for president seems like the craziest thing to even just the campaigning you see

42:12 Yeah, I think it's just people just getting fed up that want to throw their self into that crazy race Yeah, I had was it that picture. Yeah. Yeah, there was a picture. He was trying to be funny and it wasn't funny that's a, there's so many small things During the poly area or no Right. a lot of comedians said that they thought his act was sexist and racist and

45:19 Like, I don't think that way, but I think it's funny when people say things that way. Yeah. You ever do this for all time Vinny Brand. Yeah, so I'm doing the these shows and this kid comes up It's medicine for people. or hear it live in the face like that, it's wild. that were having a shit day What I wanted to say though, before I forgot, because I was going, so Dice, Dice is embraced

47:48 I couldn't believe how funny it was. He plans it out. He strategizes and he makes these videos of him stumbling into And I don't understand that. Him what's in the bowl bitch? I think he's funny, too. It's like all kinds of stuff is funny, man. and then go back and do a deep dive and then- You know? long my god okay Rick Rubin produced it. It's two hours long. Oh my god. Okay, Rick Rubin produced it

51:12 I mean, no material, dude. the craziest thing. Because the kind of ego you have to have to be able to bomb on purpose He's walking up to this crazy Chinese lady. Oh, yeah, do you want to picture? but in character right now you're Adam do Phil so then he comes up and you go, hey, I'm talking to my fans. And I go, what? He goes, no, no, but in character,

52:59 and yeah, he just was like, Oh, the first time he brought me up in the OR at the store, Jeff Scott was over there And then I get up, and then I get up and he goes, Look at this fucking guy. I'm just happy the I was always just Wow, you get us get an audience he goes you're a funny guy four hours on a weekend like two out, two on Friday, two on Saturday,

56:22 We're dice told me you do the road. Wow, Wow same time so it was like a fortuitous universe The comedians were my people. that you are in the right spot. I was around for four hours and I didn't just sit and wait, Unspoken respect and then also like, oh cool, if I just go to bed. You don't know if you're ever gonna be a real comedian. You don't know if you're ever going to be a real comedian,

58:25 not knowing and not being able to control your destiny as a young person Or make it, I mean, just wanting to be able to work I was so nervous about it, but I had fought like a hundred times. were like on a bus driving to New York together to go get kicked in the face. And I would who was nasty, he was nasty. and he fucking caught him so hard and it was so

1:01:15 There was definitely guys that could have knocked me into the shadow realm. But I'd never been dropped where I was really exhausted So I get real nervous and your immune system drops Wow cuz you're freaking out all the time fuck We'll put you over the top and what and what was the nerves like that were well? Maybe I'll do a special. Let me think about it

1:03:57 I do the UFC live I do. Yeah, I used to do YouTube videos. We used to do live I was doing six hours a week. Threw up and then went to sleep. So, you know that backstage area. Yeah, like right behind the stage? Yeah, he was sleeping up there. And when you're over prepared, I'm assuming I don't know if you riffed anything in the moment And then I went to the club and then I stayed in the club for like a year and a half

1:06:44 I was so prepared but it's like, there's people, you know, Some guy went up in Mass Square Garden the first time you ever went on stage ever ever They're fucked up. Yeah, let's go. Yeah, and then some guys on stage and it's not that good like God damn, when they were laughing, he's so fucking funny and he gives it he's so I love to when people are just

1:09:35 He goes from Williams brother and I was like, of course you are That's very tense. Yeah. Let me ask you this, would you ever go on, like now that there have been, you know I've what about an original there's a guy named Earl Strickland. This is my best impression And he's out of his fucking mind and he's famous for things like he puts like ankle weights on his wrists when he plays and tapes

1:11:59 Where's your beekeepers outfit? You don't have no ass weights. I don't see you in waiters. What are you doing? Oh my god. Meet and greets with that guy. But that's the only. I could do a tour of pool halls. Oh my God. I'm in this every week. I can't play as good as a real strickland and not not not built like your old Strickland, and I could play Earl Strickland. I can't play as good as Earl Strickland and not built like Earl Strickland,

1:13:15 I ran into him, and he was like, and he doesn't want to come on. because I think you're awesome. so you could talk about stuff that you can't talk about with other people like perfect for the next ball, There's no room. have your stroking arm follow through smooth, perfectly to the next ball. That requires all of you. So while you're doing that, it cleans your head out.

1:16:05 I thought I was gonna be a pro pool player at one point. and I got so into it. But all I know is I was playing like anything as a kid, right? I was playing all the time Look at you handsome bastard. Fat kid into a glow up. And then it's also changing the way they're looking at me, do that to a couple of friends on the bus. And now I'm like telling stories. And then I was like, oh, I wanna do that to a couple friends on the bus.

1:18:37 in our class that everybody had a crush on. Store and I had never met him and he's walking through and Adam he gets walking him through that? And I was like, I couldn't, I don't know. And then I put it all together and I I mean, I think so, man. He's the guy that inspired you. Yeah, maybe appreciate that and then Adam later was like dude you fucking froze in front of Jim Carrey

1:21:31 He became whoa Andy Kaufman for like a year Yeah, I got a it's a it's not no animals died in the making of that jacket. by the runoff? Is it like, but you feel better Because you're wearing a fake fur? Yeah, but it's just cruel. But you can still sell leather. If it's better, it's leather upholstered. and accessories made from fur. That's not my point.

1:25:22 But I mean, but I get it. Because you're wearing it to show everyone you're a baller. Even though the coats doing the talking for you,. My friend Bill had one I put one on once I was like oh my god this thing's amazing. We were in Aspen and he had a mink coat. I go what is that? What is that coat? Let me try that on. I put it on I was like oh my god. Wow. This is amazing. Yeah. It insulates you so perfectly. It's like. Pimp's made mink coats popular? Is that. I don't know who made me calls popular, but they're popular with rich ladies rich ladies

1:27:16 Yeah, let them live. Yeah family and it's got the antlers from the actual animal on it. He's, his name's Doug, he lives in Jersey, And he ended up being paralyzed from the neck down. to a place to where he wants to live, helps get the Disability Act going. And so I go to Jersey and I see his place. and my head hit the bottom of the pool. He would duct tape one pound wrist weights to my hand.

1:30:49 You see my brother on the face of a weed butt? So cool! Doug is wild and inspiring and I don't know, you know, having that amount of A movie on that story. It might be better than my And I was like what did he do to her shoulder that letter? I don't know just fucking licked it No. And you know, I get just from flying and carrying a lot of shit here, my qu when I've seen him, I stuck around New York an extra day to get worked on and you know, I get just from flying

1:33:38 Yeah. And everything was just tight you should be doing this all the time. I'm like, dude, you watch shows already after work. But it's the best way to distract yourself You actually can enjoy the movie I can't fucking believe this. No, it's like a girl saying she hasn't seen Barbie really right. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's the most insanely I know when that was dude that I understood why my mom was like you can't play video games because I remember sitting downstairs

1:37:00 Or my buddy had a Sega and we played Mortal Kombat. Yeah, you know and it's it's such an adrenaline rush that you just don't want to stop I was like fuck I can't you know my heart was beating so fast. It was too much He's like get down You smack your wife, yeah. Maybe you shouldn't be able to do this fucking game I think I've read this they were comparing the amount of money that Grand Theft Auto has generated versus like almost any other

1:40:32 That's a fucking holy shit, dude. Do you remember the guy who used to run bum fights? Of course. Listen, this is not a surprise. Yeah, you are. Cassettes there's like VHS's maybe my first taste of bum when did when did what was bum fights originally released on I don't believe it on the internet? Yeah, he sends me. Oh, yeah. If you let people dress up like fucking medieval knights and sword fight,

1:44:11 Think about the amount of porn that gets digested anyone's phone can connect to a plethora of porn sites. I had a guy on my flight about three months Cause what is the law? but if you can hear it. Yeah. Like what is the law, right? Cause I feel like, what if you shouldn't be looking at his but if he if you can hear it Put your headphones on how about stop paying attention to his phone, but also

1:46:29 Jizz like a racehorse you're trying to get first class to turn things up and on doing so with one's window down and at a No way what this says that's crazy. Look at libraries staying cool and hip if that's true I just assumed good right you we didn't even bring I in my hand like the has to be oh, what happened in San Francisco? I would have told the story.

1:48:48 Of course he is. It was maybe a few years ago. The boss like all right guys everyone's here blah blah, and then you can just turn your screen off for getting to see some beautiful... I don't think no one tells you you're welcome if you're review. president right was take to elect a president you know 51% way more than 51% Oh, they got doxed, right?

1:51:34 Just a bunch of risk takers. Yeah. Oh Jesus. I met a few swingers through Brad Williams. Yeah. it's not something I just, is in my zeitgeistgeist I never met and so just talking to them so normally was just wild you know of nowhere. don't like that guy he she can't fuck that guy and we they make like decisions like that He was a bizarre character That's it.

1:55:05 And I was like, whoa, had it ever been proposed like that. Why would you, like, I'm crazy, but what the, Beat you up? But, you know, whatever, not hurting anybody exactly go fuck each other or you put your phone, right? Dude, I mean then that became a show You've played giggles in Seattle as a for why first no I never did giggles in Seattle did giggles in Saugus

1:57:31 I'm like oh tubs I'm like we should stop and get some food you know we just lost you bring them in, you have some fun, no clue. And it's a hot tub, who doesn't love a hot tub? How do you feel about hotel hot tubs? from a hot tub in LA? Yeah, but this guy he got in a stanky ass hot tub, and he got Legionnaires disease and fucking died Contra Costa Health announced Monday it has been investigating Zen Day Spa in Contra Costa, California since August.

1:59:35 It's a hot tub disease. celebrate their birthday. What the fuck? It's only a spa where you're naked. Yeah, it's so wonderful if you don't have the right amount of poison in there, which is what it is The American Legion State Convention in Philadelphia. So that's why they named it Legionnaire's disease? Because it happened during that, From a fucking disease that and then they name it after the Legion Wow, which is like really bad for business

2:02:46 You know what I'm saying? Who knows? cool Ninety one year old billionaire I just saw today that died. Yeah, she looks like she should be married to a farmer Yeah, and people like they knew what it was but best guess what he knew what it was to totally he was having a good time Damn let me see that one. Bam! That's what I'm talking about. Well the or is it and Bill Belichick's got a young girl

2:06:56 He looks like he You take it easy the way you would have sex with a young lady? and he'd go, here's my impression of a 75-year-old woman Yeah, actually yeah, maybe not then I guess everyone's looking at you like oh you couldn't but they're not, but we're hoping. Yeah, he's dating a girl is 20. It's like okay. Yeah, it's so ridiculous. Why is yeah a little more acceptable

2:09:31 with that but there's a weirdness if it's like a 60 year old guy and a 20 that makes Like a 20-year-old, let's assume that men and women Don't ask the lady your age Everyone knows what it is. like fine. And some women are crazy and some women are crazy and they have great features How is this even real? I don't know what I would do bro they're like a thousand mile an hour winds coming through and then some guys

2:13:01 Did you ever get stuck in one of those? Oh, yeah those oh yeah oh yeah like just a big pile up for hours and no like a hurricane oh shit yeah that's fuck that is so fucked look at this dude this is what it's like 56 hours on the road to escape from Hurricane Irma 56 hours. That's what that looks like get a couple of days but that's 56 hours yeah 56 fucking hours like that's what

2:14:51 over and get gas. You better hope they have gas because a lot of times they run out of and everybody's going towards the north. dumped 600,000 people into a county bus caught fire and exploded at about 6.45 AM. Away from a hurricane that is have you been in one or any sort of tornado not like that Whole highway stop because you couldn't see anything. You couldn't see in Miami where the whole highway had a stop. Whole highway stop.

2:17:15 I was doing a gig in Miami. It was white. It's not so insane that no one can see. You can't see anything. This could be the new, like it was my grandparents, Oh, it was wild but just even just the idea that like oh, we're running away from this was was wild cuz Seattle No, I didn't. Yeah. Thanks go to see a fucking heart when we in the sheets she the seat is shaking. Oh yeah. People start screaming.

2:19:35 And so like when Shrek or when Donkey would sneeze, That's hilarious. And it was hosted the fear factor live show at Universal. No way. Yeah, that's hilarious Was the eating of stuff it was like we have this picture of like sour milk and you know Ridiculous. with the kids there? Walking Dead, the Walking Dead thing. but I dressed up as Scarface Zombie,

2:21:35 That's insane they and they put together a theme show. Yeah for a movie. That was a tremendous flop And the guy from field of dreams and tin cup that was on a kiosk, it was like 120 out This is 1940s New York. and SpongeBob SquarePants blasting the song What does that mean? came in one time with his family I'm in full 1940s companies like is he only I

2:24:05 I paid for the cop thing. I paid for the cop thing. This is bullshit. Yeah, dude, Dave Matthews. That's funny I know doesn't make sense. Your body does not like it it Yeah at all and your body's like you must be sick He had chew eighth grade and the teacher found a mr. Moore cut Joe and tones at JRP Really bad. Oh, yeah, mr. Morgan give a fuck poison. Mr. Morgan you piece of shit

2:26:23 piece of wood in front of Yeah, it's goddamn deadly weapon She's crushing it now. as fun for no reason other than you can you're gonna ruin that kids experience But like kids can't so mean they could be mean they don't even know they don't even know man And it's just like throwing a rock in a window. Especially if you're like 16 or 17, You're always thinking you're a loser.

2:29:08 right in the fucking face. You're not gonna be there all the time. So I'm gonna have to go to school and I'm gonna if you vote for me, we'll have ice cream every day. Crickets. One teacher in the back, oh shit! Yeah, basically. Yeah. Oh yeah. Sometimes I look at stuff just to go like, oh, did they, like when she and I did the Trump-Biden thing, Like that's a wild even come close

2:32:14 and Tony Hinchcliffe to write for him. Fully in character fully in character a lot and chum it up and like just get to know each other And I start fucking biting my lip. Oh yeah. You know, it does this really work? Oh yeah. Some zingers you can actually- Like you on purpose bumbling, you know, yeah, like it's because sometimes he just bails how I started to find whatever my version of it was that.

2:34:43 How are you gonna feel when you meet him? when they played that video montage I think he'll be, I want him to come out Stop drinking, but I can't stop jerking off and she goes you gotta stop jerking off Yeah. Because people are really worried about parody now with AI. of the worst thing that a person, bunch of shit that she didn't really say because it's parody like you can kind of

2:37:34 The videos of these. is pretty fucking tight that it definitely wasn't real, about now and it's not happening, for about two months. In a burst of flames and killing everybody and it would be on YouTube reels the next day Yeah they're all committing crimes on it and they're all making millions of dollars and they're They so many people got brought into the emergency room with things they stuffed up their ass where they were coked up

2:41:27 It's not much of an elevator to get them to the roof. Right, maybe pot and LSD was San Francisco right 70s. Yeah 60s, but like not really Incom- uncomfortable, very dangerous, bad for people's psyche. It's one time we're and I was like when he got real like that. I was like, okay I remember he gave him another Death Star when he was like, eat another one Lee. And

2:44:13 you have to be on the same wavelength, He's gone, he's gone. I'm saying like be I mean, obviously you guys been homies forever God damn those two together were so fun. Da da da. that I don't think I'll ever forget, dude. and then being a regular, then just being around, you could do that then and you could hang out in the back and you didn't get a mob run nightclub

2:47:35 Well, then he heard a bunch of chairs clink and the door slammed and there was no one in the room Hey, who's there? They probably forgot they did it they did it acid and fucking a pile of coke sounds more believable This is like the 90s. I guess I just the coke what probably a breakdown of the natural neuro chemistry fucking with your brain someone. Yeah

2:50:01 Here the dog and we're back and we're back Yeah, I know. He's like, yeah, I mean, but I brought you the bag think the concern is that it would encourage people to do drugs or sell Oh my god, that feels like way too many places. Jesus Christ, that's insane. And you know the way to do that? Fuck that is wild crazy. You would have a test trip and make it illegal you could save lives

2:53:38 Crazy. Well, also, the real elephant in the room is why is it a prob? Why are these drugs mean it should be, it certainly should be legal, but it shouldn't be something that Yeah. But then the drug, well then then then you will have a supply problem and then you'll have my ideas I bailed on it it was adorable to watch It'll be cocaine sponsors. I would watch a full news network. That was just everyone's fucked up responsible use of cocaine

2:55:52 Did you see any of that Jamie there's a community in Florida and it was it was not even in the flood zone And like flying across the but whatever did he pop down to the water? water and I was like oh my god that makes sense sorry yeah like the shark knows that that's not a fish oh god is this dude mouth, your dad's gonna punch you in the face. I just saw this video with an alligator attack where it's like if it bites your leg

2:58:59 They say punch him who's got enough wherewithal or just you know in the moment who survived what is that thing biting oh my god his mouth oh my god it's just a killing machine Yeah, I think sharks predate trees on Earth. See if that's true. I'm 99% sure it's true. thank you sir I'm not interested yeah okay not if I'm glad we're on the same Giant 50 foot shark. Oh, yeah, the fuck it was what about open water was that the name of that one?

3:02:04 I do like the idea that the further down like all the way down there Can get them why are we still going like what are we with is down here not good enough? Have the Russians bring them home. I'll go get your friends. microphones that was a Yeah, that's it. That's it doesn't sound very scary. What is it 19? What? such as the call of a dinosaur, an undiscovered sea creature, or a giant squid.

3:05:30 Okay, so this is someone trying to cover up for Godzilla. That's that is that's some state-sponsored about it was an iceberg that caused that sound, know how it's being creative. What? Once you see those things too about like some of these Oh yeah. You know, because everything's clear. Right. It's like, you know, it's like you want a little bit of chaos because they don't get to think stupid anymore. Yeah. You know, cause everything's clear.

3:07:15 Oh, that's right dude. Okay, so might be real might have just been an article if they were putting it in the headlines people would watch their video oh Yeah, live in the place where there's absolutely no they can pop up and show up here Yeah, yeah, yeah. The thing is with AI, man, with that. Mermaids aren't real, right? She is just fish, she's a fish.

3:10:18 and the guy's just jizz all over it. If a bear's about to eat you wouldn't you just try to fucking empty the tank? Yeah with with rainbow trout they would do it all the time. You failed. What are you saying? Yeah, take your pick slash Adam Ray Comedy We've got issues. You're the man, dude.