Joe Rogan Experience #2196 — Greg Fitzsimmons Transcript

Transcript

0:00 Need more hot takes? Head to the FanDuel Sportsbook app. They've got more ways to bet, more ways look? It looks good. I like it. I like them paperboy hats. Yeah. I love those, my favorite hats. it puts a shadow over your face. I know, I know. Dude, when I was a teenager, And then they call you and like, where guys can hang out and just talk. That seems to be big in the black culture.

3:09 Pasta and you're smoking a cigar at the table and everybody's doing it. That's awesome what is the New York Blues, what was it that NYPD Blue? The first guy. Yes. No not that guy. That's Andy Sipowicz. Maybe. What, doesn't say the cast down there Yeah, there's like 15 more guys like you in theater school right now 15 more troubled guys from the inner city

5:46 Isn't that crazy? They were just redheads before that. It was normal to be a redhead. and their hair changed when they got older. Oh. I remember having a little dick. The fuck? Like what the fuck am I looking at? Those are your balls? Our penis is awful. a woman. You know, I almost did once right right? How close did you get? I loved Iggy Pop, Mick Jagger,

9:00 They get a couple of mascots. I can appreciate a handsome man. And then I realized like, I'm going to do it. And my apartment, remember the Fenway in Boston? Yeah, yeah. The Fenway was like a junior in college. And my apartment, remember the Fenway in Boston? So I'm stumbling home one night, and I'm just waiting, and then all of a sudden, No interest. I'm fucking out. That's the ugliest thing I've ever seen in my life

11:10 What did people used to do when they didn't have covers over their dick and they had to If you have pants on and you run through the woods, your dick gets Cage fighter. Yeah, unfortunately. I've been kicked in the balls so many times So my right nut, I think it was my right nut swole, Yeah. Victory. he wasn't doing it maliciously. You shove your knees through my guard and he's you know, it's a standard technique because he wasn't doing it maliciously you shove your knees

14:16 But I didn't think anything of it. It was like kind of normal for that stuff to happen when you're training hard with guys Like, am I being a pussy because it's my dick? Yeah. Jerk off again? I wonder if I hurt that guy's dick in the woods that night. Probably, branches, whacked that thing. somewhere just treated like that and then But it was scary. I

16:25 Thank you. People are odd. some friends of mine moved out there. You got your spot. It's like an idelic sort of environment Oh, yeah. Some of them will kill you quick. Yeah, it's freaky. Alice Inuits, four others were sickened Some of them amazing like talks when you think about with the death penalty a few passes at it. And like the old days, the shooting squads,

19:40 Yeah, maybe a couple. This is crazy. just about not having any excess movement right and controlling your can shoot from a mile away now. A mile away. And do they factor in gravity on up or down maybe four inches and 300 yards or 400 yards. Yeah, so really fast shooting flat shooting rifle I mean, they're sighting in these things on ranges and it's so specific.

22:16 on some dude's head that's a mile away And you like those guys are very the long-range guys are very different than Yeah, because you don't know what that thing's gonna do in the time between you shooting the gun like with a bow and arrow effect by wind. But for a crossbow,, but for a crossbow? I was just- after another. Yeah. I get off the highway, get to a dirt road, down the dirt road, get to a fucking dirt driveway.

26:04 He taught Keanu Reeves for all the John Wick movies. Really? And then a lot of those women are real actual competitors. But if you're a hot chick and you I'm being real nice. Of course, yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. They got that they got that, you know, no no children money children money kicking around in their pockets. Yeah. What it is is a lot of people are serial divorces. So they get married and get divorced, get

29:01 Dude, because you get to hang out with a dude. I'd be like, sorry, man. An annoying girl is not as annoying as an annoying guy Something can happen here. I bet it's so much higher with dudes just crazy dudes by yourself? They stage things for clout. I bought it the first two times then I was like, There's a lot of fake stuff going on, you know? The war footage stuff is crazy

32:59 Look at how high res that is. have you seen it? Google that. Bring that one up Jamie of the Tokyo street. So they Look at that. also how it's affecting the entertainment business. Like, Tyler Perry anymore, they're not gonna need actors either. They're all looking at a UFO. It's like instantaneous. They start as background people, or work on the crew, they get auditions.

36:46 wait maybe not now maybe five months from now can make a pockmarked face from acne scars, I mean they can do everything man, it looks like a real crystal clear. I remember the first time I got a high-def TV it threw me. I was again. Yeah, I'm sure it was you know 90% and I think fear factor was not it can make these brilliant films look too much like video.

39:46 Right. It was like so clearly like a painting of a spaceship in the background. Yeah. Imagine being alive back then and sitting in that audience He was just reading from transcripts of his trial. that guy in jail for doing something we do every night, which is really crazy. Yeah. Really crazy. Yeah. There we go. From 1965. You walk in her closet, you can't even breathe.

41:40 I'll get a chick that's gonna be a bitch. drink boy my wife sure used to look good standing up against the sink. don't know why you picked that but the oldest version of him I like that Dustin Hoffman nailed it. No. Yeah. Hacks is definitely based on Joan Rivers. she outed Michelle Obama for being a man. Midge Maisel from the Marvelous Mrs. Maisel was inspired

44:26 Yeah, she nails it. I want to see the struggle in her trying to make it, You know who's great in that show is Kevin Pollock. You got to really be doing it because if you're not really doing it take five and they have to ha ha ha ha. think Seinfeld too did that. You'd have to just bring in crowds. You're just bringing a new one after two hours. They already had their own locker.

47:15 which, you know, like there's an element of truth to it, but like they're, That was a little different, Taylor something, he was super talented. Came up to me to improv one night. He was a curator of Eddie Murphy, of Chris Rock. And so he showed me when Tom Hanks came in for Punchline, Stallone areas in arm wrestling competition. Pretty fucking good.

50:10 Exactly. Nobody knows how to use these goddamn things Have a great show. All right. Oh my god, we're gonna be a movie. This is amazing. Who? Barry Selvill? And he was still kind of doing that same kind of character. Then Kinnison left the store and then Kinnison died in a car accident But it was, um... Going, I hope he doesn't do my material. Wanted to play.

53:30 But, and then he hung out after, I met him a few times, Oh shit. And I'm like, this is Robin Williams. Like, he had a big white beard and a hat on and I'm Robin Williams. I wish there wasn't that joke stealing thing That's a nice, that's a hopeful way of thinking. But it was like, you know, money doesn't cover it. that with the proper focus and a subject

56:03 because it's kind of a callback, because it was just it was an act out so you didn't get sick of seeing it. Yeah, you could if there's a thing that happened because of the internet where it wasn't a rumor anymore Like the material they write themselves, And when they get caught, and not just guys, women obviously, Oh, really? And there's a big sign,

58:52 And it had, they must have done comedy 30 years there. Yeah. I think it was literally crumbling by the end. Oh yeah, like Zanies. It's like burned into the building. And I get to see all the comics Yeah, regular job on a restaurant or something like that like yeah boring. Yeah, not boring when rather go see comedy Yeah, fun laugh. Everybody's drinking. Uh-huh. It's a festive environment

1:00:55 and all of a sudden she's working with a staff of people You can kill in that room. Yeah. And it's also not LA. Yeah, that's a problem with LA. He likes to go out with his wife on the weekend and laugh. that exists in normal conversations in Hollywood that just doesn't exist in the rest of the country. I don't care that Leonard Nimoy used to come here.

1:03:20 I don't know if you remember this, but I used to do Stern a lot. Well, it came off way worse than the reality of it was. So I asked him to do it, and he just starts busting my balls and calling me at home and He goes, I have a patient that came in like that fucking loser yeah Yeah, look at him I got guns, I'm doing yoga, I'm doing... I know that it's such a meathead perspective,

1:05:42 I think we have requirements. You were whipping balls into people's faces. It was horrible. But dude, we used to run laps. It was way easier. Oh my god, we're going to have to do live drills. He was biting kids, he was like crazy. He became disciplined. But when he got his black belt they had he had to do, you know certain what do they call him? They fucking sicked him on him.

1:08:56 It was badass, yeah. Yeah. Somewhere along the line, And they started doing a bunch of stuff dojo yeah you know it's a well they taught you karate but yeah you gotta do black belt. No shit. Yes, 100%, yeah, it was full contact. Nothing's changed, I'm exactly the same person. So you have all this fucking energy and this fucking rawr! whatever, he had it all.

1:13:23 He was in the Navy, he went up for the Green Berets. No, the Navy SEALs. Probably. Something like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think putting a kid who's got some, Yeah. I think the whole country was depressed. Everything was going pretty good. Yeah, they weren't exactly sure they're gonna get food and they and they had 11 brothers and sisters Like where are those coming from?

1:15:33 Yeah, you had the Iceman. Yeah the ice house is the oldest. And the ice house before it was any of those things How big does ice have to be when you start? During the pioneers days, there wasn't an ice truck that would show up. So what's that like, 1910? You can't just put it on a train. in America when did they start delivering ice? Because even if they do it in England in the 1600s, you probably could get a fucking cart

1:18:26 Well, now how long can you keep ice? like a Yeti cooler that you would take camping, It'll stay cold for so long, Well, this is the first recorded use of refrigeration technology dates back to Straw covered pit so they they recognized that they could kind of insulate it sell it at a snow shop Yeah, the French are serving up some chocolate ice cream.

1:20:54 One of the things that people don't take into consideration is brake dust. So when you're riding your bike, I'm being healthy. wagon to the ice house, deposited into the ice pits. The blocks of ice fused 16 feet deep, and they would just store ice, Imagine if we can keep the ice. What do we gotta do, how about dig a hole? How cold is it down there seems colder down there?

1:23:16 Maybe they call it, that's why they call it on the rocks, because it's surrounded by rocks in the pit. Like Wagyu, they'll do it at sushi places. And then they make you clear your own plate and go in the fucking kitchen and wash it It's not one dish that you have to cook for yourself. Yeah whole experience. That's fine That's the this the sneaky move they have is all you can eat everything's all you can eat, but the salad bar is too

1:25:28 Fogo de Chow, yeah. and you're in a slow restaurant, That's when you gotta take a little walk. He goes, it's a Jewish thing, free food. I was in South Africa one time and we were at a game park called Pylanasberg or something you know? doing anything harmful to people. What species is a giraffe? This, like, elk is in the deer family. Okay, giraffe-a-camelop-a-ral-is-car- No, camelop-a-ral-is-camelop-a-ral-is-

1:29:14 it? Giraffes do the fucking. No shit! Because it evolved to get away from a North American cheetah. But you see them when you... That's not a good picture though. I've seen them in the wild. And these motherfuckers made it. Like the biggest lion ever was in North America. mile away and it was like this little, like this little noise and he just and he gets on top of her and it's just like one stroke,

1:33:24 know. That's just, ah, I don't know. You have no idea why you're going there. us being animals, to do the things we do. I was thinking about this when I watched this law thing, punishments that are unconscious to us. Like, cause the only way to have the good is you gotta appreciate that it's good. It's part of the program of becoming a better person like you have experience good and I think even in the world

1:36:38 on that's evil. There's good and there's evil and it's real and there's this weird battle with the kind of communication that human beings have with each other around the world, decides to push it a little too far, the old ways and get a fucking ice pit because you don't have electricity anymore. That's that people didn't sleep because of nukes. because there's all these alliances where if one country does it, eight others are going

1:39:42 That's a girl Do they? What was that? They think it might have been an accident. It's hard to tell, you know, because They the the fucking they didn't they didn't tell people to leave the neighboring just keep making them more powerful. Well what magnitude was like Hiroshima? Oh kilotons. So four times the size. Nagasaki was 25 holy shit. Isn't it funny that Hiroshima gets all the

1:43:04 Imagine you get your fucking your instructions you're a There's too many mugs. I'm confused. I was not seeing my mug because was it the, what was it, the couple, to help finish the war. How complicated is that too? and then we're talking shit, I'll fucking do it, man. They were experimenting on him. Hitler had this one doctor that he trusted. Fuck.

1:46:15 And I think the same thing is true of Kim Jong-un right now. Maybe Dennis Rodman can be the official envoy. Dude, it's so mysterious when you hear about people that escaped from North Korea and they talk about how you literally it's the Thought Police Thought I sent it to you. I must have accidentally I thought that guy was a wizard like look at him. He's getting TV from Ireland

1:48:36 Yeah, the the power that he has is just absolute and then if they find out that you know you have a relative Well, what he's got gotta do before anything in that country No. Yeah. where they bring, they want to look good to China, and they send those people over, and they're held, they've worked as slaves for years. so many people- Suicide nets? Because you're working 16 hours a day, you sleep there, they have dormitories, and this

1:52:18 The elevators sometimes stop working. There's been a few, but there's one really good video of this collapse of this mine. Holy shit, dude, where is this mine, Jamie? You know, you hear noises like creak, creak. Why? sheep, all their sheep, and so if you're a herder, you have to be on guard Yeah. They would kill horse rustlers. There's this comic. once you do it you've got a you've got a Kia right that's the payout mostly kids

1:55:59 Right, I know. I sent you a picture. but yet there was always a teenager I don't know what it is. Yeah, you're not used to a car like that. Get that EcoBoost. Yeah, spending money now. Oh, did you? It meant too much to me to put out a bad version of it. I didn't have to like build a backdrop, do stand up from the cellar and you see the brick wall, for eight years, so I wanted it to really pop,

1:59:08 YouTube is the move, man. right away, which is nuts. to watch the last 10 minutes. That's for the rest of the world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You need to roll the windows down No, I definitely did. Any gas at all, when you're making a turn, the ass-end kicks out. So the dark horse is there like top-end car that you can get with a manual transmission. Right, right.

2:01:55 I need that. know what it is about Mustangs. It's just the American car to me. Fucking great. I know my wife wanted me to get a Tesla It's 1.9 seconds, zero to 60. You can just you're gone. I know the brakes that much better brakes this big calipers, Yeah, Rivians had a big callback. Lucid Sapphire is, the company's kind of struggling. I think there's zero to 60 is something bonkers,

2:05:47 I mean, it's so fast, but it also has incredible, so it says the timer backs this up with more where it has all these things, but you still have to charge it. Game changer. in elevators with e-car batteries or e-bike batteries and the batteries It's like it's all condensed in there. I'm going to be eco-friendly. I'm going to drive my electric bike. That is not eco-friendly.

2:08:44 the disposal of the batteries what it may have been. I'm not really sure what the actual story was. I'm home for two days because I'm out promoting the special and doing road work on the weekends Jesus. That's right. And what store is selling sheen? I mean, I know I think it's an online thing model. If they found two in China, I mean, China, they protect what's going on in these factories. You think, I mean, does

2:12:36 And there's not that many companies that are selling things in America, unfortunately. You know those barefoot kids? mountain climbing people companies, Love that place. I know it that one stupid bulb and that silver Really? It's got a nice light. they must have, everything must be solar. In the middle of the ocean. but there was a very low probability of him beating the case and he went up beating it and

2:16:23 Now his co-defendant gets hit by a car. He gets killed too. No shit. Like, how much do you think you're worth? and then a water spout just shows up God might have said, fuck this guy, which is horrible because he also said fuck the guy's daughter and a that can create a water spout. and point it to a very specific place, which is crazy to think. want to say treated or cared for correctly because they knew that a storm was coming

2:19:31 like they could have survived that storm Let's start a fucking storm. How much control do we have over the weather now? and it's something about it changes the weight And so there's like supercars floating down the street, But the footage of the flood is fucking bonkers. So that heavy rainfall continues to pound UAE. Several flights canceled. So They're not set up for this kind of rainfall,

2:22:06 Does it say like the ocean water. Identify whether cloud seating took place We're not cloud seating. some unbiased news. There's a thing, what is it called? 1492? Is that what it's called? Oh yeah. It's basically just fact driven news stories, no editorial bend to it whatsoever. Tell me who did what and what took place and just don't give me any words like far right.

2:25:38 and I'd say, fucking steal that People Magazine. Mm-hmm I used to love those fake ones whether it like was it which ones were the ones who were talking about Bigfoot UFOs? come on. Look at that. Batboy got a lot of coverage. But look at the bride! Oh, that's amazing. Give me that. Oh yeah. Preachers. What, the courthouses? then there's the Lutheran Ten Commandments, so I don't even know which one they're using.

2:29:40 Huh. Yeah, that's not it. it's a burning bush. of a psychedelic experience where he comes back I mean we believe in that like all That's all completely speculative, right? push the Big Bang back 22 billion years now instead of 13 billion years but it could be that and it just keeps happening. It's more logical than it not being true. I mean, there's obviously, I mean, all the laws of physics are about the,

2:33:35 Beyond imagination you could put it in the numbers you could write it down So the idea that it's not, it doesn't have a boundary, that there's more of them, that Yeah, and also the fact that we can travel at a certain speed and the fact that there They'd be like, what the fuck? Like, well, are you going to fly there like an idiot with a jet engine?

2:35:40 Apparently Boeing at one time was talking shit about SpaceX and now Elon's talking No. Yeah, so nine months. Yeah, like a brick of shit from the sky boom imagine you watching the Super Bowl like this is amazing in early September and come back to earth I don't know. They did this shit fast fucking onboard computer because you know if you miss the gravitational pull

2:39:26 Like, they never sent a monkey to the moon has ever been past Earth's gravity. that covers the Earth, that lasts, So they shot a nuke up into space to try to clear a pathway so they could like shoot a Starfish Prime is a high altitude nuclear test conducted by the... Containing a W49 thermonuclear warhead designed at Los Alamos Scientific Laboratory, and a Mk2 reentry vehicle was launched from

2:42:14 they had power outages because of it. Wow. But did they have power outages? Does it While some of the energetic beta particles followed the Earth's magnetic field These included the TRAAC and the Transit 4B. were used to measure the distribution of the radiation Oh my God. and the whole cast of a movie he was on got cancer. And they did these Westerns

2:45:10 Yeah. You know, non-stick surfaces on pans were made out of fucking toxins. I'll tell ya. Yeah, she was a con man. That wasn't her name. Yes! Pre-internet, like the woman who was ended up like being Yeah. You know? and appropriate women culture I found the story saying that they had to debunk it every few years because it kind of comes back up No one pretends to be Irish.

2:48:29 Yeah, and Brazil. Uh-huh. stuff up yeah I'm pretty sure that's fun yeah. I bet she's fun to hang out with. Yeah. There's two rocks. I'm trying to get it covered by it. You know? Yeah, she was gorgeous. That's probably how she tricked Marlon his class at the neighborhood playhouse was James Dean, Paul Newman. What was Paul Newman's You found where the emotional truth

2:51:51 Why I oughta. Yeah. Oh, it's so good. You watch him play the balls, like that guy can play. That's what I want to see and you don't see that in movies where a guy's playing pool Was he based on, was that character based on Oh, that's hilarious. But Willie Moscone was like a real world champion Period. All around. Okay. So if it's a six pocket table,

2:54:57 And so you can make a spot too, times when people are playing for a lot of money, they like to play the game. Super complicated gamblers game. So a lot of times when people are playing If you pot a ball in a side pocket, I like to play position on the next shot and then that to the next shot This is a place called the Derby City classic. It happens every year in Lou. I think it's in Louisville still

2:57:07 is you just lose focus for a second. It's a complicated game. My daughter's obsessed with pool. When did it go under? And you know me, I'm okay. Some old creep who found some young, talented pool player Where does she live now? I think this one in like Brentwood, but that's far. Ferraro over there sometimes. He's a good player. I used to shoot with him in House of

2:59:33 Nine ball tournament? Yeah, that's how Dom and I became friends. I go, "'You play pool?' Yeah, stand up comedian, yeah. FitsDog.com calendars up there. Sunday Papers and Fits Dogg Radio with the two podcasts